Book Jacket

 

rank 5850
word count 14234
date submitted 19.08.2008
date updated 08.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
complete

Halfway to Hell (original novella)

Gavin Bell

Johnny Park is 100 miles from Phoenix... and halfway to Hell.

 

This is the original novella of Halfway to Hell. You can buy the full-length novel version from Amazon.

Johnny Park is a capricorn, a Brit in America, and a damn good bank robber. Following a botched heist, Johnny and a small crew of mismatched miscreants rendezvous in the small desert town of Halfway, Arizona. Things go from bad to worse when their fence is found murdered, and it soon becomes clear someone has followed them to this dusty speck on the map with the intention of killing each member of this disparate group.

Unable to cut his losses and run, Johnny must deal with a suspicious sheriff, a knockout redhead, and a gang where the only person he trusts is himself. Are the murders related to the heist, or has a phantom from the past come to Halfway to enact a bloody reckoning?

Hard boiled violence and mystery collide with desert noir as Johnny realises he's stuck in the desert with a killer and he's out of bullets... and friends.

This fast-paced novella will appeal to anyone who likes their thrillers straight up, with no skimping on violence, gunfights and car chases.

View the trailer for Halfway to Hell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-pUqN-a7hs

 
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tags

arizona, bad language, bullets, car chase, car chases, commercial, crime, death, desert, exploitation, guns, hotel, killer, love, mystery, noir, novel...

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11: A Trustworthy Man

Five minutes later we were back in 22. Somebody had lit the two scented candles on the bedside table. They didn’t give out a lot of light, just enough to make out faces.

     “Hope we didn’t… interrupt anything,” Frank leered. Subtlety was not his forte.

     I gave him a gritted-teeth grin “Of course not.” I was liking Frank less and less as the evening went on.

     He slipped a gear from sleazy to businesslike: “We need to check this out. Johnny, you and me will go down to the front desk. I’m assuming the circuit box is in the office, or somewhere down there. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find the fucker still there.”

     I shook my head. I’d been concerned enough leaving Midnight alone earlier. I wasn’t going to do it during a blackout. Particularly when the power had most likely been cut by the guy who was intent on wiping us all out. “No, I’m staying up here.”

     Frank rolled his head around, emitting a snort of disbelieving laughter. “You know I’m getting pretty sick of you questioning me, Johnny. Who do you think is in fuckin’ charge round here?”

     He was seriously beginning to piss me off. He’d got me too riled up for me to have the sense to keep the fuck-you tone out of my voice. “You’re not in charge of me Frank, only person I answer to is myself. Take Stan.”

     “What?” Frank’s right hand tensed into a lump of solid knuckle. Smart time for me to back down. I wasn’t feeling smart.

     “Take Stan. I’ll stay here and hold the fort with the others.”

     I looked over at Stan. In the half-light, I thought I could make out an expression of hatred. I was beginning to suspect he too had taken against Frank, perhaps even more so than was normal. I was about to suggest Tony as an alternative when Stan surprised me by accepting.

     “Fine with me, boss.” Again, I caught a tone of contempt on the last word. Frank was either too harassed or too insensitive to notice it. He just shook his head and made for the door, checking the clip in his gun.

     “Whatever - the rest of you stay here. You hear trouble, come running.”

     “Sounds like a plan,” I said. Tony, as usual, said nothing.

     We listened to the footsteps retreating down the corridor and then sat in silence for a while, Midnight found my hand in the dark again and we knitted our fingers together. Tony riffed through his deck of cards with practiced hands. Out of habit, I checked the clip in my own gun and shook my head when I remembered I’d emptied it back in the diner and never got round to reloading.

     “Shit… it’s a good thing that was just Stan behind the door, otherwise I’d be a stain on the carpet right now.”

     “You don’t have any more bullets?” said Midnight

     “Of course. In the trunk of my car. Wherever that is. Tony, you have a spare clip?”

     “Not for a .45, sorry.”

     “Great.” It looked like I would have to be even more careful. We were okay for the moment, since at least Tony was armed. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Midnight broke it again.

     “That Frank guy…” she began.

     “Yeah?”

     “He doesn’t seem too… balanced?”

     I jerked an eyebrow up at the understatement. “You could say that.”

     “Are you sure you can trust him? I mean… not just with the money and all, but in general.”

     This was a question I had been asking myself. I had asked it before the job, in fact. I had asked it when we split up afterwards, and tonight I had been asking it more and more. I elected to try for reassurance though, since Midnight clearly didn’t need something else to worry about. Besides, I wasn’t sure I wanted Tony, a guy I knew even less well than Frank, to know about my misgivings.

     “Frank’s okay,” I began, aware of how unconvincing I sounded. “He’s rough around the edges, but you can count on him in a pinch.”

     “Are you sure?” she said, her tone saying that she already knew I wasn’t.

     I was searching for something to say when Tony did it for me. “No.”

     We both looked up, almost surprised that he was still there.

     “What do you mean?”

     Tony ran his thumb over the edge of the deck. It made a harsh rasping noise.

     “How many jobs you done with Frank?”

     “Besides this? Just the one,” I admitted. “Worked out okay.”

     He nodded. “I’ve done a few. The man knows his stuff, but trust him?” he left the question hanging as he let out a low chuckle. It was a chilling sound in the dark. I felt Midnight’s hand grip my own more tightly.

     I cleared my throat. “Any particular reason you feel that way?”

     “Little things,” he began. “Most folks don’t notice them, but I do. And sometimes not so little things. There was this one job a few years ago – if you’d have been on it, you wouldn’t say Frank was a trustworthy man.”

     Tony put his cards away and sat back on the bed, back against the wall. For some reason I was reminded of the ghost stories I used to tell at sleepovers when I was ten. Those always scared the shit out of me in the dark as well.

     “It was a few years back,” Tony began. “A straightforward bank job. Me, Frank, Travis, James something and two other guys. Forget their names. Anyway, everything went fine until the end. Some asshole customer had a gun, shot James.”

     “He kill him?” I asked.

     “No. He just caught it in the hip, about here,” Tony indicated a spot just below his belt. “Wasn’t too bad but he couldn’t walk on it. Frank put the customer down and I dragged James out the door. That was when things went wrong.”

     “You mean it got worse?” Midnight asked incredulously. The casual tone of voice Tony was using clearly freaked her out. It was like he was discussing a hockey game.

     “Oh yeah. We got the wrong guy to drive. Got about a quarter of a mile down the street before the idiot runs a junction and clips a bus. Totalled the car. No one was hurt too badly, and I was trying to help James out when Frank just gave me this look.”

     “Leave him behind?” I asked.

     Tony nodded, the shame weighed heavily on his features.

     I shook my head, “If he’d done that to me I’d have given the cops his name, address and star sign before they had a chance to call a paramedic.”

     Tony paused for a second, then said “Yeah, well Frank must have been thinking the same thing. He shot him in the face before we left.”

     Midnight gasped. I didn’t gasp. Because, to tell the truth, that seemed totally in character for Frank. If I’d thought this whole proposition through properly I’d have left it alone, but like I said, I have a bad habit of acting on instinct. And now I was stuck in a hotel in the middle of nowhere with a rapidly diminishing crew led by a guy who kills his own people when they become dead wood.

     “Damn…” was all I could say.

     Tony pulled out his cards again and began riffing them. “I mean it was probably the smart thing to do, but, you know… cold blooded. The guy’s smart yeah, but trustworthy?” He shook his head.

     “And you still work with the guy after this?” I said.

     “Well you know, it sounded like a good score…” he trailed off, obviously expecting me to make a crack about that. But I wasn’t about to criticize him, because I’d made the same mistake. Getting involved with a guy I didn’t trust just because it ‘sounded like a good score’. And it was a good score. Just not worth the price we were paying.

     I decided we were getting out of here now. It was time to force the situation to a head. The first step was to go get the other two and persuade them to get out of here, the hell with Chief Hardaway and his suspicions. I could live with suspicions. I got up and tucked my useless gun back into my belt.

     “Okay let’s go find Frank and tell him we’re splitting the take now and getting out of here. Before he offs Stan or something.”

     Tony’s dark eyes looked about to protest for a moment, then he shrugged his shoulders. He was obviously no keener to stick around than I was.

     “Okay, Johnny. Let’s try and get out without anyone else getting killed.”

     “I second that,” said Midnight, looking into my eyes with a resolve that went a little way towards masking her terror.

     “Great,” I said and opened the door. I made a silent promise to myself that I would stick to working alone in the future. And offered up a silent prayer that I would get the chance.

 

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JoeTheAuthor wrote 1162 days ago

Bravo! Well done. Great pacing, with enough detail to keep me interested, and enough left unsaid to make me want more. Backed with pleasure!
Joe Perrone Jr.
As The Twig Is Bent
Opening Day

Isabelle Adams wrote 1409 days ago

I love the name of the town. I just love it. It's so appropriate. Bank robbers don't usually interest me, but this is good enough to have caught my interest.

Rivallino wrote 854 days ago

Brilliant! Love it! Right up my street. Straight onto my bookshelf. Hope you can keep up the standard. I had intended downloading something onto my Sony Reader later on tonight, but, no thank you, this'll do fine. Really trying hard to find a fault, but...

Debbie wrote 834 days ago

Ariom recommended this to me and I value her opinion. Haven't read much so far - but a great opening dropping us straight into the car and the action. But 14k is barely out of short story status and I'm not sure where your market is for this. Have you thought of shortening it for the long-short story market (crimewave springs to mind) or lengthening it into a novel (which is what I thought it was to start off with). This is great writing with strong 3 dimensional characters and I enjoyed reading it.

Citizen Gav wrote 799 days ago

Bikerjob - thanks for the comments.

First of all, towns can absolutely have identities. Try comparing Manchester to London, or Sydney to San Francisco - those towns all have strong, unique identites. Most towns do.

I think you're broadly right, some of the writing in this version could be tightened up. Having said that, I'm not convinced the examples of improvements you've given are noticably better.

I think basically my writing style is not to your taste, which is fine! Interestingly though, this was the story that got me signed up with an agent, so I guess the good aspects must have outweighed the bad...

bikerjob wrote 800 days ago

This rolls along – I sometimes had to stop and think what you meant - a tad wordy here and there... eg’s

A town with a name like that had no identity – Nowhere or Halfway ? - anyway – what is a town’s identity ?

You over use ‘just – still – such - seem’ – a word used to force the reader to get it.

...which we had just left ina hurry
...which we’d left in a hurry
Might as well just call it Nowhere.
Might as well call it Nowhere

Still, that’s what made it such a good place for a quiet rendezvous.
That’s what made it a good place for a quiet rendezvous.
or
A good place for a rendezvous.

A better place for a ‘quiet’ rendezvous – a big city – strangers stand out in a small place

Wiping a small waterfall.... – you start this para in ‘real time’ – then tell the reader what the future is... – doesn’t work for me.

Tony was a tall black guy, built like a bad dream. He seemed to avoid speaking when at all possible.
Tony, a tall black guy built like a bad dream, didn’t say much.
Travis, a skinny white prick, never shut up.


My intention here to highlight the opening... – it’s what an Agent/Publisher sees first – this is full of holes which can be filled by cutting the word count – make the point then get out – cut the clutter – stop using 12 words when 6 will do – cut ‘just – still – such – seem – that - had’.

There is a good story hidden here somewhere.

I hope this helps, best of luck.

(The Strathbungo Cellists)

Citizen Gav wrote 832 days ago

Thanks everyone for your comments!

Debbie - I actually did flesh this out into a full novel which I keep meaning to post on here. It was picked up by an agent based on this version, but unfortunately I didn't get a bite from any of the big publishers.

Debbie wrote 834 days ago

Ariom recommended this to me and I value her opinion. Haven't read much so far - but a great opening dropping us straight into the car and the action. But 14k is barely out of short story status and I'm not sure where your market is for this. Have you thought of shortening it for the long-short story market (crimewave springs to mind) or lengthening it into a novel (which is what I thought it was to start off with). This is great writing with strong 3 dimensional characters and I enjoyed reading it.

Ariom Dahl wrote 835 days ago

Hi Gavin,
I read all of Halfway to Hell and was impressed. This struck me as an excellent example of the crime genre. Good characterisation and snappy writing. Well done.

Rivallino wrote 854 days ago

Brilliant! Love it! Right up my street. Straight onto my bookshelf. Hope you can keep up the standard. I had intended downloading something onto my Sony Reader later on tonight, but, no thank you, this'll do fine. Really trying hard to find a fault, but...

meemers wrote 1094 days ago

Good. Fast. Suspense, drama, panorama, everything it takes for your MC and a great read. It's a gut gripper that's for sure. It reads so well that it's hard to keep up. The gang, Midnight, all well portrayed characters that give the story it's essence.

well done
Fate's Chastening

JoeTheAuthor wrote 1162 days ago

Bravo! Well done. Great pacing, with enough detail to keep me interested, and enough left unsaid to make me want more. Backed with pleasure!
Joe Perrone Jr.
As The Twig Is Bent
Opening Day

Isabelle Adams wrote 1409 days ago

I love the name of the town. I just love it. It's so appropriate. Bank robbers don't usually interest me, but this is good enough to have caught my interest.

Citizen Gav wrote 1538 days ago

Thanks!

Sorry, need to check in here more often. Yeah this one or Cut Short, really!

Gavin

Freddie Omm wrote 1570 days ago

hey

looks like a good start, i'm wling you - is this the book you want input on the most by the way?

best,

freddie

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