Demonslayer

Thank you for a very very good read.Dr Manjeet Singh

Recently been doing some major editing to the end of the book. Don't have anything up just yet--I want to finish the edits first.

Updated all the chapters to deal with various typos, and I'm fairly certain that certain parts in the middle of the book have been updated/expanded as well since the last time I was on here. I seriously need to get back here more often.... <.<;

I can see the influences of anime in this. Very well-written, sharp dialogue, intriguing characters. Love the names. WL.

Okay, so I went through Demonslayer and tried to fix some of my mistakes, like places where I must have started editing and then gotten distracted. I've added a few small parts here and there, but nothing too big. I tried to keep in mind everyone's comments so far.

Ryuu,

I'm going to be tough on you because I think you really have something here. Your writing is inconsistent at times....I moment you offer us some great lines and very solid writing, while in the next paragragh it is awkward and confusing. I love the life you give to your characters...it became very visuale as I read and that's makes for a great read.

I think if you tighten up the writing a bit, you could see this published.

Lockjaw

Help Ryuu,

Your fascinating story on such a wonderful premise has what it takes to capture its target readership and win a wider range of readers. It is well written and intuitively observed, fulfilling the standards of what to me is an accomplished writing. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Excellent! You have a great sense of style, and your characterisation is very skilful. You've built an excellent world here, the dialogue flows and you have a believable narrative voice.

Hi Ryuu,

This is a fascinating story. Wonderful imagery that brings the story to life. I was pulled in from the start and thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. Great characterisation and dialogue. All the best.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Very well written and enjoyable. You have imagery and excitement dripping off the lines, excellent. Good luck on here, backed, Michael

Ryuu, I read the first chapter of this and although it's not really my sort of thing it reads well.
Minor nitpick - it's always means it is or it has, and without the apostrophe (its) is the possessive form. I think that was just a typo as you used it correctly later.
I would also rephrase the sentence that begins 'Falling to his knees, the tears streamed openly ... ' I would write: 'He fell to his knees with the tears .... ' Also in the same sentence it's not likely her body would be cold as she had been killed very recently.
Watch out for using the term 'silver-haired' too often, btw. * smile *
Like I say, not my sort of story but I believe it should do well.
Regards and all the best with it.

you are very good at depicting the setting. you give the reader beautiful imagery to ponder. this is brillantly written. i loved it. shelved.
-Cara

Swapping the read we agreed to earlier today. Make the paragraphs tighter, so the pace picks up and draws the reader in from the git-go. SHELVED! Looking forward to your comments.

JC
The Obergemau File

Hi Ryuu-

This is not normally the type of book I would pick up to read, but I can tell from your writing that you portray the story well. Your pitch is very well done - nicely efficient! And your characters and dialogue are convincing. Well done and best of luck to you! Shelved.

Kim
Invisible Justice

Thanks a lot. I've been working on this book for a long time, and I love seeing who likes it and who doesn't. Friends and family are one thing, but I love the tough crowd because it means I'm doing my job.

Hi Ryuu-

This is not normally the type of book I would pick up to read, but I can tell from your writing that you portray the story well. Your pitch is very well done - nicely efficient! And your characters and dialogue are convincing. Well done and best of luck to you! Shelved.

Kim
Invisible Justice

Hi Ryuu

You open up with an an exciting scene, but in my opinion, you keep slowing it down with big chunks of description & back-story. Maybe you could open up with the bells ringing, then the fight scene, and feed in the back-story when the reader needs to draw a breath. Just something to consider.

I see you've written 160,000 words so you must have some serious intent to create a good story here, and for that I'm happy to shelve the book. I hope you get some decent feedback, and are willing to re-write based on any good advice you get.

Good luck
Bill