Book Jacket

 

rank 3201
word count 171338
date submitted 15.07.2009
date updated 09.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
complete

Demonslayer

Ryuu Kaze

This is a journey of a young man through a world of wars and fascination, in an effort to find himself.

 

It started with the cloaked swordsman during the summer festival, and continued with the spiriting away of Aven "Kaze" Thompson and his friend, Nikki Yui. Lost on a world simultaneously strange and familiar to him, Kaze must find a way to survive and rescue Nikki. At the same time, he'll find his own place in the world, and discover that there is far more to himself and the events surrounding him than anyone has realized...

 
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tags

action, adventure, battles, coming of age, demons, dragons, fantasy, fiction, magic, war

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16 comments

 

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dr.manjeet wrote 652 days ago

Thank you for a very very good read.Dr Manjeet Singh

Ryuu Kaze wrote 705 days ago

Recently been doing some major editing to the end of the book. Don't have anything up just yet--I want to finish the edits first.

Ryuu Kaze wrote 1003 days ago

Updated all the chapters to deal with various typos, and I'm fairly certain that certain parts in the middle of the book have been updated/expanded as well since the last time I was on here. I seriously need to get back here more often.... <.<;

JohnRL1029 wrote 1692 days ago

I can see the influences of anime in this. Very well-written, sharp dialogue, intriguing characters. Love the names. WL.

Ryuu Kaze wrote 1726 days ago

Okay, so I went through Demonslayer and tried to fix some of my mistakes, like places where I must have started editing and then gotten distracted. I've added a few small parts here and there, but nothing too big. I tried to keep in mind everyone's comments so far.

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 1735 days ago

Ryuu,

I'm going to be tough on you because I think you really have something here. Your writing is inconsistent at times....I moment you offer us some great lines and very solid writing, while in the next paragragh it is awkward and confusing. I love the life you give to your characters...it became very visuale as I read and that's makes for a great read.

I think if you tighten up the writing a bit, you could see this published.

Lockjaw

JANVIER wrote 1737 days ago

Help Ryuu,

Your fascinating story on such a wonderful premise has what it takes to capture its target readership and win a wider range of readers. It is well written and intuitively observed, fulfilling the standards of what to me is an accomplished writing. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

pictureingrey wrote 1740 days ago

Excellent! You have a great sense of style, and your characterisation is very skilful. You've built an excellent world here, the dialogue flows and you have a believable narrative voice.

Alecia Stone wrote 1740 days ago

Hi Ryuu,

This is a fascinating story. Wonderful imagery that brings the story to life. I was pulled in from the start and thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. Great characterisation and dialogue. All the best.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

divilthebit wrote 1741 days ago

Very well written and enjoyable. You have imagery and excitement dripping off the lines, excellent. Good luck on here, backed, Michael

Ariom Dahl wrote 1741 days ago

Ryuu, I read the first chapter of this and although it's not really my sort of thing it reads well.
Minor nitpick - it's always means it is or it has, and without the apostrophe (its) is the possessive form. I think that was just a typo as you used it correctly later.
I would also rephrase the sentence that begins 'Falling to his knees, the tears streamed openly ... ' I would write: 'He fell to his knees with the tears .... ' Also in the same sentence it's not likely her body would be cold as she had been killed very recently.
Watch out for using the term 'silver-haired' too often, btw. * smile *
Like I say, not my sort of story but I believe it should do well.
Regards and all the best with it.

cara_ruegg wrote 1741 days ago

you are very good at depicting the setting. you give the reader beautiful imagery to ponder. this is brillantly written. i loved it. shelved.
-Cara

soutexmex wrote 1741 days ago

Swapping the read we agreed to earlier today. Make the paragraphs tighter, so the pace picks up and draws the reader in from the git-go. SHELVED! Looking forward to your comments.

JC
The Obergemau File

Ryuu Kaze wrote 1741 days ago

Hi Ryuu-

This is not normally the type of book I would pick up to read, but I can tell from your writing that you portray the story well. Your pitch is very well done - nicely efficient! And your characters and dialogue are convincing. Well done and best of luck to you! Shelved.

Kim
Invisible Justice



Thanks a lot. I've been working on this book for a long time, and I love seeing who likes it and who doesn't. Friends and family are one thing, but I love the tough crowd because it means I'm doing my job.

Kim Jewell wrote 1741 days ago

Hi Ryuu-

This is not normally the type of book I would pick up to read, but I can tell from your writing that you portray the story well. Your pitch is very well done - nicely efficient! And your characters and dialogue are convincing. Well done and best of luck to you! Shelved.

Kim
Invisible Justice

Bill James wrote 1742 days ago

Hi Ryuu

You open up with an an exciting scene, but in my opinion, you keep slowing it down with big chunks of description & back-story. Maybe you could open up with the bells ringing, then the fight scene, and feed in the back-story when the reader needs to draw a breath. Just something to consider.

I see you've written 160,000 words so you must have some serious intent to create a good story here, and for that I'm happy to shelve the book. I hope you get some decent feedback, and are willing to re-write based on any good advice you get.

Good luck
Bill

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