Einstein's Road Trip - Winslow to Thibodaux and Beyond

You've come up with a terrific first-person voice here, one that I trust completely because it's everyman: sad, world-weary and funny. So when you start telling me that Einstein is sitting in that chair I absolutely believe you. I really admire the clever way you've built up to this - first with the extra-terrestrial friend (could be childhood fantasy - we're not sure) then the Hopi Indian - (hang on, you really mean this, don't you?) In less skilful hands this could have been a disaster, but you do a great job of getting us to eat out of your hand. Your evocation of the released prisoner's feelings is superb. The sense of place which is at once realistic and slightly off-key is wonderful too - I'm guessing you're a bit of a Cohen brothers fan. Cast of great characters - particularly love Donkey - and very funny indeed. A great read - backed. Anna

G, this is so surreal, Dali would be proud of it. Yet it's real, just as real as Zargon Ron is to Gilles, and as smoothly written as a melting clock.

Gilles' observations, memories and actions are murderously funny. Crow Nose will live in the memory for a lo-ong stretch, as will the admirable Jeff Lightfoot's second-cousin Luke's... As for Rhonda, what a gal. All of these characters are from the big dipper, but they're here and breathing the same air.Except of course Belinda's poor old Daddy. Well, as you say, "It takes one to know one..." Wonderful. Einstein has a lot to answer for, and not just e=mc2... And now, Mister Lightfoot will take Gilles and us all on a roller-coaster... Maybe he'll have some raw green Hopi pills to calm us down instead of red...

The writing is superb, no other word for it, and the voice unique. Backed for you and for Arizona being twinned with Zargon for posterity...

From Kay on the Waystation x

Inevitably parallels will be drawn with this and "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", but it is so much more than that rather simplistic and frothy series. Beautifullu humerous and very well written - the description of Literary Fiction is quite apt. After three chapters I'm definitely going to back this - got to find out what happens next.

Nicholas ("The Warllock") - Horror/Thriller

Einstein's Road Trip - Winslow to Thibodaux and Beyond is one of those books that is hard to categorize, though many of the best ones are. Author G. Rodgers Brinner has created a strange world that at first does not seem to make a whole lot of sense, but in fact seems to have deep meaning upon reflection. The fact that the author has a great writing voice keeps readers moving along until they begin to figure everything out. I don’t really know what book to compare it to as I’ve not really read anything much like it. But I will say that it is a quality piece that has a good chance of developing both a cult following and mainstream acceptance.

I immediately liked the voice – colloquial with a gruff knowing stylised catch to it. A not entirely trustworthy and therefore slightly disarming voice too. There’s a sense of displacement, of things sliding about underfoot which is nice. The characters have blood in their veins. The absence of seat belts is a telling image for the book’s emotional landscape. Foul breath, fast cars and star gazing – the writing effervesces with vitality. The journey begins and it promises to be a captivating one. Thumbs up from me.

Oh Brinski - I am so disappointed. Not over your story, but becuase I keep getting an error message after reading chapter 1. So anyway, while you sort that out, here are my thoughts on the first chapter.

I just know this is going to be great. I love the voice, the different POV and the setting. Everyone has their own unique personality and your descriptions are just spot on. Love poor Tommy Tuna and strangely enough, I never flinched once when introduced to an alien midway into this prison set! He just totally slotted right in. And that is surely testament to your engaging writing skills. The fact that I'm dying to read more should tell you how much I'm enjoying this. Please let me know when the error is sorted out and I'll be back. Well done, this should do really well.

Just finished the first two chapters of "Einstein's Road Trip".

I think you've nearly cornered the market on quirky characters.

It did not take very long for Gilles to appeal to this reader. I like his' penchant for counting, numbers, and his close observations of the world. At first, I wasn't sure if I would like him at all, but by the end of the first chapter, I turned, and there he was, right by my elbow, quietly smiling. Something about him sticks with me, and he became more and more likable by each chapter. My interest, despite my expectations, grew.

You also have a real talent for conveying backstory in an enjoyable way. Each was an insight into Gilles, instead of a distraction to the story.

I also found myself forgetting he was an absolute nutcase, and when I was reminded of his delusions, was surprised and pleased each time.

Nice work.

Some observations:
- I could be wrong, but I thought bunk beds were always bunked on top of each other, one scene in chapter 1 treats them as if they're side by side (one character turns his face to address the other)
- walky-talky is more commonly walkie-talkie
- the sentence beginning with "He was as carefree" should be broken-up
- first chapter mentions "thirty years ago" twice
- chapter 2 has a jarring combination of words: "pries my prized"
- wasn't sure a car door would necessarily slam shut going in reverse

This is a fascinating read totally absorbing and done with an eloquent touch 6* from me Excellent read, Karen. Just about to check out the art, on your website BTW love your avatar!

Hi Brinskie,
I just dropped in to take a look at your book! What a great premise!
Very interesting 1st person narrative, and it is well written in a way that keeps the reader wondering what is real and what is imagined or dreamt.
Very enjoyable!
Hig Stars!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

Einstein’s Road Trip-Winslow to Thibodaux and Beyond.
G. Rodgers Brinner.



An interesting start to your book as Gille Barker prepares to leave Winslow Prison.
I was really involved in the story from the start and found it a good read to be honest.
The old prisoners advice to Gille on his first day, the flash backs of talks between Sergeant Tom Haynes in the yard. These keep the book flowing and the reader interested.
I found the description of Billy Jean’s sudden realisation that death looms over her to be sad, but a very good account of the love between them both, it just pours out in your writing.
The same with the scene of Tom as he chooses death over a life without her and the prospect of being thrown on the scrap heap after retiring from his prison job. Very good writing, again.
The book does contain humour here and there, like meeting up with Jeff Lightfoot and his
Chevrolet taxi. Had to laugh when his cigarette butt stuck to his lips and his fingers got burned—it does hurt, I can tell you.
This has been a likeable read for me although I’ve not finished all that’s here.
Will come back though!! Well starred!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone.

The title made me want to read your first chapter, your first chapter made me thirsty for more. You have an incredible writing voice and a real talent here.
This is a truly original concept - I am buckled up to take Einstein's road trip - I just hope someone publishes this soon, otherwise the world will be missing out on an amazing read.

Punchy, almost hard-boiled prose. There's a tremendous energy to the writing - very real and involving. Natural, purposeful dialogue. Engaging/sympathetic narrator in opening chapter. Good sense of an intriguing, unconventional storyline taking shape. On my shelf and highly rated. Thanks and best of luck with this.

just read two chapters. Loved it from the first line. Clever, funny and original. It's got me hooked, and Einstein isn't even in it yet. A great mix of realism and absurdity. Somewhere between Bukowski and Douglas Adams.
Very high stars, staying on my WL and i will be back to read more when time allows.

EINSTEIN’S ROAD TRIP-

I saw this book had a fantasy tag and that caught my eye. Also, read that you always return reads ... so I figured a comment couldn’t hurt! I’ll just give you my first reactions to your first chapter. No rush to comment back on my book, but I would like to hear your feedback. Anyways, here are my thoughts:

Long pitch:

“Off beat magical realism” made me smile. I have a degree in Spanish literature and I can just hear one of my professors using this term when introducing a book. I’m excited to see what can make magical realism even more off beat than what it usually is!

Chapter 1-

Nice use of description right from the beginning. I like the description of the “walrus mustache,” I can see exactly what you mean by that in my mind! Strongly driven by dialogue and the characters are really starting to come to life in the first chapter. I did find that this was a little long. But that may be a matter of personal preference. I would consider cutting this in two parts, possibly starting with the bolded title “Sergeant Tom, Billy Jean, and Polaris.” Good luck with this story, I found that it read smoothly and your love for the story shines though. 5 stars from me!

Best,

Ashley
“Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket”

Brinskie,

I am enjoying this enormously.
However, there are a few mixed tenses that are troubling me. At one point you are looking at the Sergeant's future. You write "These days will soon be gone." Since most of the story is past tense I think it should be "Those days would soon be gone." It is a little confusing because the dialogue is naturally in the present, and this sometimes get carried over into the narrative, especially as you have a Zargonian psychic seeing into the future. You have not made your life easy!

Generally the pace is excellent, the dialogue good and the style is easy to read and easy to understand. A first class story backs up a great pitch. I will rate this highly!

Best regards
Happy New Year
Warrick

i like the short pointed active sentences, they move the story along and are not tedious with description, the author too has a knack for the apt similie, it is smart writing, clever, as is the plot, though i think with vonegut and lesser so with others the use of sci fi and black comedy to explore the nature of things and give reason to painful personal experience has been used considerably, indeed the early introduction of an alien and fantasitic aparation, i.e. einstein, to a character who only has witnessed them and has come to an understanding of the world with alien help, creating a "is it real or all in his mind" situation, "slaughter house five" comes to mind, that being said this still is, for at least the four chapters i have read, an imaginative and well written story, and deserves good rating, which i will do

This is such a good story, slow to build and full of details that make it come alive: the unlikely rapport between prisoner and guard; the patio built at the back sixteen years ago; the luscious burger topped with tomato; bland prison fare dished up to a multi cultural prison population. Despite the starkness of the subject, the writing is rich, with a seam of humour to leaven the mix, lifting it beyond the usual. Although the subject would not normally appeal, I am drawn in and want to keep reading. Your masterful writing makes this easy for me. Highly rated and on my WL for now.

All the best, and thank you.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Einstein's Road Trip - what a trip! Is Gilles crazy, is he for real? The question is what makes this crazy story such a great read. Thanks for the journey!
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

L40 Review

Chapters 1-3

Bullseye! How else do you start a review of this? Bloody marvelous 1st person Hammet like laconic observations coupled with easily acceptable shifts into the surreal.

I think this is only achievable through the 1st person narrative because that enables the voice control necessary and here the control of that voice is exquisitely done, never a beat missed.

Yep, Hammet in the Twilight Zone where the 'normal' is contrived, and the strange acceptable, the idea of the strangeness of the prison regime sliding into the 'normal' and further strangeness works a treat. One thing I would say, you've a penchant for pepper as in peppered sprays in chapters 1 and 2, good phrase but follows on too soon, second one needs rephrasing, so it refers to the first but doesn't copy. Other than that though this looks shit hot to me, will be back for more.

Jim Barrass

- Einstein's Road Trip -

(Chapters one to three)

My general impressions were that the writing is good, with an engaging and witty narrative voice. The opening chapter has a nice mood and a dramatic ending that plays out well. I did find the interplanetary talk a little bit jarring there and wondered whether it might flow better if the first chapter was more 'straight' and the alien elements were introduced afterwards. That could well just be me though as, purely out of personal taste, I would not normally pick up a book that deals with the topic. That is not to say that I didn't find the sci-fi element well writted, however. Because I did.

The following chapters are also intriguing, and are characterised by some very adventurous storytelling, none more so than when Einstein himself enters the picture. The engaging narrative voice remains here and this makes for a quite easy read.

Some nitpicks....(which may be taken with a pinch of salt as I am both a complete novice and unfamiliar with the genre so make no claims to being right).

- I found some of the wording and sentences a little overlong and this often disturbed my reading flow. In particular, I noted the the use of a lot of adjectives, especially in chapter one, stretched out the sentences and made my mind do a lot of work the picture the descriptions. This took me a little out of the story itself. This, however, may again just be personal taste. It s also not as much of an issue in chapters two and three as it was in chapter one.

- The very first sentence gave me some rouble with engaging, 'I silently walked down the Stark, white corridor of Winslow prison.' The adverb and doubling up of adjectives gave me some trouble with flow and then there was also some difficulty for me in picturing things. How can he walk in absolute silence? Does the prison only have one corridor?

- I think names and terms of address in speech need to be preceded by a comma. This is missing, for example, in 'Thank you Anna' (chapter three) and 'Get in Mister Barker' (chapter two).

As I say, the immediately above are nitpicks and I make no claims to being right about them. An enjoyable read with some very good writing in any case.

All the best with it,

Ross

LF40 Review

I have absolutely nothing to say about your plotting or pacing. I was hooked, drawn in and captivated. You are an excellent storyteller. Despite the fact that I would normally find mentions of aliens etc. a bit unbelievable, because you narrate the story in a very matter-of-fact way, I find myself beleiving you. I am unsure if this is real or a dream, is the main character sane or insane? But somehow it doesn't bother me, I just want to read on.

The end of your first chapter is chilling. Excellent. Very well done.

However, there were a whole bunch of places where I found your sentences were a bit wordy or over-written. Like you could have done so much more with less - and made your sentences pack a bigger punch. For example: In your first paragraph - you could say "Our flesh turns ghostly gray under the ceilings flourescent lights." - we don't need to know that they are also cool.

Or, you say "as if we might be kindred spirits whose thoughts were intertwined" - you don't need both ideas here. That you are kindred spirits implies that your thoughts are intertwined - you don't need to mention both.

Also - another example - you don't need to say that his keys are "bolted to his belt on a retractable spool" it's enough to say that they are on a retractable spool.

Anyway, so far, that is just my opinion. I think that if you tightened up the writing a bit this would be all that much more powerful. It's already quite good as it is though.

- Rena (Bunderful)

If Kurt Vonnegut, James Elroy, and Neal Cassady had all jumped into a malfunctioning transporter together like in the movie The Fly, what popped out the other side would most certainly be a close approximation to G.L. Brinner. And that crazy s.o.b. would have written a tall existential tale exactly like Einstein's Road Trip - and this in a parallel Universe not unlike our own. Or perhaps this is the alternate Universe and G.L.Brinner is that crazy s.o.b. You get my point.
The author writes of the Southwest and Cajun country like a local, of road-trips like a Prankster, and of Field Theory like a theoretical physicist. The author throws in a baker's dozen of super-memorable characters sprinkled along the way, each offering glimpses into surrealistic vignettes of the great American experience. This reader laments the incomplete nature of the offering, and wonders if it all might be the hallucinogenic mindtrip induced by the little red capsules Gilles ingests at the La Posada Inn courtesy Mr. Lightfoot, but I doubt it . . . I think. I'm not sure what I think after being immersed in the world according to Mr. Brinner. And that takes a teller of very tall tales indeed. Well done, Sir.

What a strange, strange trip indeed. Fun reading with a unique style!

I spotted some spelling problems, which I don't want to place here. Let me know if you'd like to have them as a message.

L40 Review
This is a highly polished piece of writing. I only read chapters 1 and 2 but have backed the book as it exudes quality. In an attempt to help, I'm going to say some words that are perhaps unkind and inappropriate, but I found the ending to Sgt Tom Haynes rather convenient, another criticism is that the paragraph where the inmate explains his psychic abilities was too long for me to stay with it. I drifted off and found myself thinking of other things. Having said which, you deserve to get published. Good luck with this.

I love a bit of Magical Realism and you've made it work well here. I settled into the story straight off which is always a good sign for me, nicely written in a highly readable voice. I wish you success. All the best, Richard.

LF40

This is an excellent read. No doubt. It ticks all the right boxes for me; it is surreal, odd, unusual and very funny indeed.

Your writing style makes this a joy to read. The plot is as mad as a bag of badgers, but you pull the reader in with ease. By the time we get to the 'Bull's-eye' at the end of chapter one, there is no turning back. You have us hooked. Well done indeed!

Great voice throughout and some truly wonderful descriptions:
'...like jangling trinkets on a yoyo's yo'
'Nat King Cole is working his way into the room through the overhead speakers...'
Wonderful stuff.

As for humour, the line 'I can almost smell his left ball cooking' had me in stitches!

As a reader, I can only give you praise. This is a unique peice of work and one that deserves to be far higher up the charts. It goes without saying that I would buy this for sure WHEN it is published.

Thanks for such a great read.

Six stars and in the queue for my shelf.

Simon,
Yuko Zen Is Somewhere Else.

LF40. I've been saving a space on my shelf for this. Who knew I could see into the future? Read two chapters and the tempo is delicious. Perfect reason to open another beer. Far too many semi-colons though. Most should and could be full-stops. Period.

LF40 Review.
I am not so easily captivated but you did so. Mr Barker seems so pure to be incarcerated, and his (supposedly atypical) reactions when he is a free man were totally believable. His continuing surreal experiences depend upon this credibility. How can we doubt his experiences? We are just in another warp and must view his as containing possibilities denied in ours. This is the necessary premise for the reader in order to continue past 4. It helps that Gilles stems from an exotic location.

Regarding writing techniques, you score high. Little touches like Tom receiving his chicken parts - it's the word 'parts' which adds exactly the right touch of humour following the description of the fast food. And again, for the immediate visualisation of time and place, Belinda handing Gilles her cell phone, the size of a shoe box. Or, for credibiity, that Gilles experiences the hotel first as a prisoner working under close supervision in the basement.
You would decide to come back as a client on release, wouldn't you?

This isn't an easy book to gain full appreciation on this site where the necessity to 'review' hundreds of books is necessary to gain a point, but when such participants (like me) have totally given up, sickened by the networking, the luxury of picking and choosing comes into play. It's only then that frustration sets in, that a book like yours is not a physical entity to take into the garden and read from end to end. I want to find out where Einstein really fits into a meta physical adventure, if that's what it proves to be.

Not sure about the sub-title. Has it inhibited reviewers? Looks like I'm your first LF40.

I shall be backing you shortly. Brilliant stuff.

Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

This is great writing - your imagination is wonderful, and the way you write and structure this, it really works. Your characterisation is strong and dialogue convincing. I like this very much, especially the world weariness and humour, and shall back it within the next few days. Val

Einstein's Road Trip
First Person, fiction. This book has a strong, consistant voice with excellent character development, vivid descriptions and compelling story line.
I've read through Ch 3. Most books cannot keep my interest for this long.
The plot is a little slow to develop, but there is enough intrigue to keep the reader wondering what is going to happen. The clues are deftly handed out in a scavenger-hunt manner.
I would recommend a stronger hook at the end of each chapter. While the plot is captivating, the chapters end in places that invite the reader to take a break, without a compelling reason to come back.
Occasionally I noticed a POV shift ... I'm sure it was intentional but threw me off the story enough that I have to mention it.
The fluid writing is very professional, without a single flaw in mechanics that I saw. (Not my strong suite)
I found this book compelling and entertaining, with a character that most people will identify with. Great piece of work!
Raechel
Echo

Re-backed for G., for Arizona and its twinning with Zargon... and for the Coen Brothers to film this ride. Please.

From Kay at a Waystation outside Arizona, with love to you, Gilles, Lightfoot (and doubtless his thunderbolt), Einstein for being there, and all.xx

Wow. This is a strange and wonderful thing.

It’s not the sort of book I would usually read, but something about it was appealing to me. I like your narrator’s voice: there’s a wry humour to it, but also a level of sadness that gives it undercurrents of emotional depth. And I like not being quite sure what’s real and what isn’t – as you said, there’s a little bit of a connection between us there :-)

I don’t have much to say about the writing – it’s clean and well controlled. Your style is poetic; usually I’d say rein it in a bit, cut out a few unnecessary descriptors, but here I think it suits your subject and your themes. The only thing I’d mention is your tenses – occasionally I think you slip into the wrong one, so it would be worth going through and double-checking. For instance:

‘Ron had come to visit me …’ – think this should be ‘came’?
‘I had been programmed …’ – I have been programmed?
‘I had heard the muffled sound …’ – I have heard (and perhaps therefore ‘It is the sound …’ in the next sentence)?
‘I knew because I sometimes see …’ – I know? (though the scene overall is in the past, I think this paragraph is present-tense commentary)
‘He had wanted original recipe’ – just ‘he wanted’, I think, but in fact you could delete this sentence altogether since his subsequent thought shows it clearly enough.

I’d like to compliment you on your chapter endings. I know this is a little odd as a compliment, but I’ve read several books recently where the chapters just … fizzled out. Whereas the ending of your first chapter had a surprising amount of emotional impact, given how little time I’d had to get to know the characters. The ending of your second held surprise and intrigue. And the ending of your third was a perfect conclusion to a comic scene (I loved that whole conversation with Einstein). Good stuff :-)

Overall I enjoyed reading this, and I’m happy to back it – I’ll pop it up on my shelf tomorrow, if that’s ok, since I want to give another book a little longer first. Do remind me if I forget.

hi brinski -- i love anything to do with aliens and magical realism and literary fiction -- you've married the three here -- backed with pleasure. k x

hi brinski -- i love anything to do with aliens and magical realism and literary fiction -- you've married the three here -- backed with pleasure. k x

Hi,

This is well written and original, I only wish I had time to read more of it.

Ron

I've just been re-reading Einstein's Road Trip. I had forgotten how enjoyable it is. A wild premise with fascinating characters and crackerjack writing. I'm happy to give it another spin on my shelf.

I have to admit, the plot was so complex that I was skeptical, but the first chapter is great. Riveting stuff that's a pleasure to read.

i, too, paint as well as write and feel drawn to your work. enjoy your journey. i am supporting this book once again under the new system...
j

Einstein's Road Trip

Dear G. Rodger Brinner,
Your writing sings and your paintings dance.
The story is well told.
I sprinkled many stars on this book as I believe it needs to be publish.
a zoomer

One does not have to read very far into this work to realize the greatness of storyline construction. I won't reference scenes from the work because it's not necessary to entice others to read this book. The cover treatment posted is great as well. Good luck. Chuck

An original premise that is deftly handled. The characters are convincing (even Albert), the descriptions reliable and often even rather poetic. There's a kind of shambling leisure to the pacing that rather engages the reader.

Comparisons to the Spanish Magic Realist school are far-fetched. That is not to say this isn't a good fiction - it is - but it lacks the sense of poetic madness one finds in, for instance, Aguilera-Malta and Borges, and it also has a kind of self-consciousness that they would have eschewed.

I see that others have mentioned the frequent missing commas around dependent clauses, including names, but this version on line still has the issue. Remember the adage that punctuation saves lives; there's a big difference between "Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!"

This will be placed on my bookshelf as soon as one of its current inmates is released for good behavior.

--James David Audlin

hi G,
this is a snappy little crocodile sandwich ! I could hear my teeth crunch as I was biting through the images. It's very nutritious with plenty of protein to keep you going, and digestion will build resistance against the wicked world.
I admire your cocktail of realities, and straight from prison opposing worlds mingle seamlessly into one. Few things make sense and Jaegermeister is welcome in any situation, oh yes. I liked the fact that the I-person, who appears as a bit of a shadow at first gains strength and opinion as the story develops. A fast and furious read with plenty of interesting characters. Backed.

G. Rodgers Brinner, who are you? This is surreally fabulous - Prison, Zargon, Einstein ... and all wrapped up in stunning humorous prose. This has to go on my shelf with a halo of stars.

'My friend Ron, from the planet Zargon...' This is so surreal and yet written unashamedly as if to say, "Yeah? What are you staring at?!!" I had to squint at the screen, trying to work out whether or not the guy on the book cover is picking his nose. Wouldn't be surprised!
Bonkers stuff!

UOTE] I enjoy the ego building comments voiced by 99% of authonomy's writers, and hard as I try, I find myself taking that path occasionally, but it is good to receive comments with some attention to the objective point of view now and then. I know this takes far more time and appreciate your input. Several of the things you mention had already been addressed in previous edits, but two were very helpful. After hearing of total deletions of manuscripts by others trying to update chapters, I have been reluctant to post changes. I guess it's time for me to go ahead and take the chance.

G
Einstein's Road Trip

Brinskie,

Some time ago, you backed my book Time Squared; I'm pleased to finally be in a position to return the favor.

Einstein's Road Trip has an engaging premise: we were created by aliens as part of a game, and some of us have more free will than others. Hmm! Gilles's "selective omniscience" is a novel way to have a first-person narrator, and yet fill in things he wouldn't normally know. The shifts from present to future to past are handled deftly and have a nice free-wheeling fluidity. The reader must keep awake, but it's fun, once you're used to it.

Your descriptions are nicely detailed. Sometimes they ramble on and go over the top, but I suspect this may have been deliberate. I loved the bit about all the haute cuisine leftovers being fed to pigs, who return to the kitchen as bacon.

I noted a few corrections, listed below by chapter (I read 3). A couple of general punctuation comments:

1. When characters address each other by name, nickname, or title, the name should be set off by a comma: for example, "Thank you, Anna," or "No, Jeff." Sometimes you do it and sometimes you don't.

2. Hyphenate compound adjectives, such as ten-year-old Chevy, full-blooded Hawaiian, or long-lost friend.

Ch 1
. . . audience 's last row . . . There's an extra space before the apostrophe

Bianca Dry should, I think, be Binaca Dry

My time to walk out that door had finally come. You narrate in present tense, and this occurs in the present of the story, so I think you want, "has finally come."

. . . a captor of his own fate. You want "captive.'

be-yond my control has a stray hyphen, as does after-noon.

Big Dipper is a proper noun and should be capitalized.

Ch 2

Winslow Arizona needs a comma after Winslow.

Jeff presses in the clutch, which implies his Impala is a standard shift, but the stick is on the steering column, like an automatic. Did they ever make them that way? I don't know that much about cars, but this struck me as odd.

Porches and Honda rental cars should be Porsche and Honda

. . . provide for there survival . . . You want "their"

Ch 3

swirl-ing and re-liable have stray hyphens

. . . black clouds working there way . . . You want "their"

. . . the gate of a man . . . You want "gait"

This promises to be an imaginative and entertaining ride! Good luck with it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

This is really really good stuff. Brilliantly bizarre. Going for a day on my shelf.

Excellent stuff. Just read Chapter 1. Only a couple of points. You've got some unusually hyphenated words. And check audience's in the first paragraph.

Off to read Chapter 2

Wonderful, and I'm backing it. Only one small typo I spotted:

'... with the gate of a man...' shoud be, '...with the gait of a man...'

That's all. Cheers! -Liz (Meggie Blackthorn)

Brinskie,

Some time ago, you backed my book Time Squared; I'm pleased to finally be in a position to return the favor.

Einstein's Road Trip has an engaging premise: we were created by aliens as part of a game, and some of us have more free will than others. Hmm! Gilles's "selective omniscience" is a novel way to have a first-person narrator, and yet fill in things he wouldn't normally know. The shifts from present to future to past are handled deftly and have a nice free-wheeling fluidity. The reader must keep awake, but it's fun, once you're used to it.

Your descriptions are nicely detailed. Sometimes they ramble on and go over the top, but I suspect this may have been deliberate. I loved the bit about all the haute cuisine leftovers being fed to pigs, who return to the kitchen as bacon.

I noted a few corrections, listed below by chapter (I read 3). A couple of general punctuation comments:

1. When characters address each other by name, nickname, or title, the name should be set off by a comma: for example, "Thank you, Anna," or "No, Jeff." Sometimes you do it and sometimes you don't.

2. Hyphenate compound adjectives, such as ten-year-old Chevy, full-blooded Hawaiian, or long-lost friend.

Ch 1
. . . audience 's last row . . . There's an extra space before the apostrophe

Bianca Dry should, I think, be Binaca Dry

My time to walk out that door had finally come. You narrate in present tense, and this occurs in the present of the story, so I think you want, "has finally come."

. . . a captor of his own fate. You want "captive.'

be-yond my control has a stray hyphen, as does after-noon.

Big Dipper is a proper noun and should be capitalized.

Ch 2

Winslow Arizona needs a comma after Winslow.

Jeff presses in the clutch, which implies his Impala is a standard shift, but the stick is on the steering column, like an automatic. Did they ever make them that way? I don't know that much about cars, but this struck me as odd.

Porches and Honda rental cars should be Porsche and Honda

. . . provide for there survival . . . You want "their"

Ch 3

swirl-ing and re-liable have stray hyphens

. . . black clouds working there way . . . You want "their"

. . . the gate of a man . . . You want "gait"

This promises to be an imaginative and entertaining ride! Good luck with it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

a cult-classic in the making here, I cannot fault the writing and the myriad of characters created, backed.

Rob

Hey G :-)
Thank you for backing LONDON. Finally having a chance to read your work. Which I find is nicely paced. Like the comment below, nice voice. Your writing in unpretentious, very real. I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who indeed appreciates a good visual. Fun work!

blessings,
jim

I noticed that a number of people have commented on the strength of the ‘voice,’ and I agree. The plot is intriguing and unquestionably out of the ordinary. The naming of Lightfoot and McNabb is probably more cute than clever, but those are minor criticisms. The writing is engaging, and I found it difficult to stop reading in order to write these comments. Gilles would make a great detective in a straight who-done-it novel. I would recommend a spell check (not with a spell-checker, which wouldn’t pick up a horse’s tale or shear weight).

All the best,

Pollux

Hiya brinksie, i backed you in the "old world" of auth. happy to rank and back you now. i have no new insights to add from my previous comments. you're on my shelf because this is good writing - ;) - succinct yet fully entertaining.
very best wishes, andy
ps - appreciate if you could look at crier of kathmandu, as time allows.

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An engaging fantasy. Plausable main character. Good character development in the first chapter. Good blend of action, dialogue and narrative. I have no idea where this story is going so I can't comment on the plot. Overall, good writing.

Specific comments on chapter 1:
1) Chapter 1 opens with a description of a walk in prison. If I were in a bookstore I would probably put the book back on the shelf after reading the first five paragraphs. Well written, but not engaging.
2) Ron passing through the steel door hooked me. However, the similie of a knife through Jello is frighteningly close to the 'knife through butter' cliche. Can you come up with a more unique similie?
3) 'Puffs of clouds floating free across the cerulean blue sky.' 'Cerulean blue sky' is cliche.
4) 'He patted the sweat from his brow with a hanky. 'Hanky' sounds feminine to me. Can you come up with something more masculine? Perhaps 'handkerchief.'
5) "Yes sir." Comma after 'yes.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of this type of problem in your first chapter.
6) 'Chevy' and 'Impala' are redundant. Use one or the other, but not both.
7) Excellent end of chapter hook.

I hope these comments help. These are only my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest. Thank you for your continued support.

A highly descriptive read giving the reader a full picture of the events and setting. I'm not a fantasy fan but I kept reading as it was so well done. I intend to back this when I have shelf space.

Clare
A Policeman's Lot