Book Jacket

 

rank 552
word count 69884
date submitted 17.07.2009
date updated 28.10.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Fantasy
classification: universal
incomplete

Einstein's Road Trip - Winslow to Thibodaux and Beyond

G. Rodgers Brinner

An artist and Albert Einstein take a magical trip through space-time in their cabby's stick shift Chevrolet.

 

Maui artist, Gille Barker, his Hopi Indian driver, and an illusory Albert Einstein are chased by a psychotic killer as they race across the deserts and bayous from Winslow Arizona to New Orleans’ French Quarter in quest of life's design and a satchel’s mysterious contents.

Gille's sanity comes to question while he seamlessly travels from present to past and into the future. Are his strange encounters and selective omniscience only in his imaginings and dreams? Maybe so; Gille has grappled with these questions for thirty years, since two nights before his eighth Christmas, when a visitor from the planet Zargon walked through his bedroom wall and told him the true reason for life, why there are dogs and cats and fish in the sea, and that fate is his only guide.

"A surreal journey by a likable eccentric. It has everything, zero fields, aliens, mystery, witchery---Magic is in the air."

Numerous revisions have been made since Einstein's Road Trip was named a finalist in the Faulkner/Wisdom Creative Writing Competition.

Offbeat literary fiction/magical realism, Road Trip is complete at 88,600 words.

 
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albert einstein, arizona, dreams, dwarfs, einstein, fantasy, fate, french quarter, hawaii, literary fiction, magic realism, maui, midgets, murder, mys...

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Life According to Hillary

I look at my watch.  Its been ten minutes since Jeff walked through Hillary Boudreauxs doorway and I called Belinda.

Yes, yes Im sure; everything is just fine; dont you worry about me,” I say.  An interminable static breaks into the line.  “Belinda?”

I can hear you.”

Hey Gilles, Mister Barker.”  I look up to see Jeff at the Boudreauxs front door motioning for me to come.

Got to go now,” I say.  “Ill call you tonight.”

No, please dont.  It only upsets me,” Belinda says.  “I dont want to hear from you until youre safe and packed for California.”

You mean that?”

Yes, I mean it.  You call me when this thing is over.”

The phone connection is rapidly deteriorating.  Belinda says something about the phones battery charge and that shes going to hang up now and, during short breaks in the static, I think I hear her tell me to take good care of myself and I do hear her say “Love you, Babe.”

And I come back with my standard reply.  “I love you too,” I say.  I turn the phone off and shove it into the Chevys glove box.

I get out of the car and stretch for a moment standing on the rough cobblestone drive.  I havent been on my feet since we left Dallas.  The big round driveway stones feel like a masseuses deep massage through my sneakers soles.

As I climb the steps, Jeff, a big confidential sort of grin on his face, walks out to meet me at the edge of the veranda.

You are not going to believe this,” he whispers.

Im not surprised to hear that since he has said it so many times before.

He leads me into the foyer and closes the door.  The windows are shuttered, the drapes pulled closed.  The only light is from a candelabra chandelier six feet across hanging high above a round mahogany table with a pedestal that curves out into four big bear-claw feet.  The chandeliers flickering electric bulbs dimly light an open stairway that curves up the walls and disappears into the darkness of the second story balcony.

There is little heat; the foyer is still and damp and dark and seems almost as cool as the sun-lit mid winter chill outside.  Our steps echo against the white plaster walls as we walk across the foyers marble floors and past two closed sets of towering double oak doors.  A third double door at the end of the hall stands open, the warm glow of a fireplace flame shimmering out across the halls white marble parquet.

As we enter, the first thing I see is the stone faced fireplace on the opposite side of the room.  A foot high granite hearth juts two feet out from the wall.  There are matching love seats on either side.  On a large, round coffee table between the love seats sits a bouquet of two dozen white and yellow lilies in a round crystal urn with beautifully carved swans sparkling in the fires light.

A pudgy boy, ten or twelve years old, with chubby red cheeks and a pug nose sits facing the fireplace wedged into a polished red metal Ford pickup truck, its front bumper not four feet from the fire.  The truck, with pedals like those on a tricycle, is one of those toys made for children much smaller than him.

The boy wears a Davie Crocket coon skin cap with its tail dangling down over his right ear.  He doesnt acknowledge our presence.  He has a stack of New Orleans Times-Picayune newspaper pages squashed into tight spheres the size of snowballs piled next to him.  He throws the balls into the fire one by one; sparks fly out onto the hardwood floor and a burst of flame shoots up the chimney as each paper ball thwacks against the fires logs.

And theres an overstuffed sofa with wide rolled arms upholstered in a rich gold and alizarin abstract tapestry facing the fire.  Silhouetted against the flames, an elderly woman with thinning silver-ash hair sits on the sofas center cushion gazing into the fire through thin wire-rimmed glasses.  She removes her glasses, and, without turning away from the flames, motions toward Jeff and me.

Come sit,” she says.  She has eyes in the back of her head.

Mrs. Boudreaux,” Jeff begins, “this is my friend --.”  She interrupts Jeff in mid sentence.

Yes, I know of Mister Barker” she says as she turns to face me.  “Its a pleasure to meet you Mister Barker.  Im Hillary; Hillary Boudreaux.”  She shakes my hand.  Her flesh has the feel of fine silk common among those knocking on the reapers door.

Whats going on here?  Another total stranger knows my name.  Maybe Lightfoot had told her.

Gilles; please call me Gilles,” I say.  Nice to meet you Mrs. Boudreau.”

Oh yes; yes, of course Gilles.  Thank you Gilles.”

Jeff and I sit on the loveseats, him to Mrs. Boudreauxs left and me to her right.  The girl who had met Jeff at the entry door brings a silver platter filled with servings  of all sorts of finger foods; cheeses and crackers, thinly sliced meats with black olives, pickle slices and dips, a variety of cookies and small carafes of juice and coffee.  She places the platter on the coffee table, steps back two paces, and stands holding her hands folded together in front of her.

Thank you, Jana.  That will be all for now.  I turn toward Jana to thank her but she has already disappeared.

The boy pushes hard on the toy trucks pedals and the back wheels spin rubber tracks onto the glossy hardwood floor.  The truck lurches forward, smashing into the granite ledge of the hearth with a thud.  Amber sparks powder the wooden floor as the boy throws another ball of paper into the fire.

Thats John John, Johnny Ray Junior,” Hillary says matter-of-factly, “Johnny Rays boy.  You remember Johnny Ray dont you Jeff?”

The threat of turning him into alligator bait if they ever crossed paths again has kept Johnny Ray ever fresh in Lightfoots mind.

Yes, maam, I sure do remember,” Jeff says, “hows old Johnny Ray doing these days anyway?”

Hillary Boudreaux sits upright, her boney shoulders square.  Shes wearing a long black skirt and white polished silk blouse that hangs loosely over her fragile frame.  A dark gray cloth shawl is draped across her shoulders.  Her hands rest folded one on top the other against her lap; her legs crossed at the ankles, her feet bare, clear polish on her neatly pedicured nails sparkling in the fires light.  Her ingenuous facial expression never changes as she tells us what cards fate had dealt to her miscreant son, Johnny Ray Boudreaux.

**

Johnny had been executed a little more than three years ago Hillary says.  Johnnys long suffering wife, Emma, shot him in the back of the head with a ten gauge shot gun while he was in the process of sleeping off a nasty wine and whiskey induced hangover; it seems Johnny Ray had beaten Emma silly for the umpteenth too many times.  He had fractured her jaw and put out his cigarette on the back of her hand.

Before he passed out, Johnny Ray had threatened to stand her on her grandmothers hand embroidered antique footstool so he could hang her from the big old oak tree that stood in their back yard if she was still in the house when he woke up.  As soon as he got her strung up and before he kicked the footstool out from under her feet, he was going to rip her belly open and pull her intestines out to dangle in the dust.  And, just to make matters worse for her, he was going to cut off her nipples one at a time and stick them in her mouth before he wound her mouth shut with duct tape and smashed her nose flat against her face with his Louisville Slugger.  Johnny Ray had stepped over the line.

Johnny Ray had deserved what he got and more, Hillary says.  “If I had been in Emmas shoes, I think I would have cut off his balls and given him those to chew on for a while before filling his head full of buckshot.”

Hillary says old Judge Parker gave poor Emma twenty years in the prison over to Shreveport for blowing her sons head off his shoulders.

And she didnt deserve none of it.  That Judge Parkers as senile as a bed bug; must be eighty five or ninety years old and wasnt too damned sharp when he was a young man Ive been told.  Cousin Rita dated Parker back when they were in high school; told me he was dumb as stone, but hung like Mister Ed and hard as this floor till the cows come home.”

Hillary grabs the cane leaning against her leg and raps its tip against the hard-wood floor twice.  A cackle rattles up from her chest as she has a vision of old Judge Parker standing in front of the fireplace with a giant circumcised boner popping out from between the buttons on his neatly pleated black robe.  She knows the Judges penis had been clipped because Cousin Rita told her so some fifty years ago.

Thats something a person doesnt forget, if you know what I mean,” Hillary says, “especially with him being a judge and all.”

She begins to cough uncontrollably.  She takes a swig from her glass of Southern Comfort and looks back toward the fire.  The judge has disappeared.

Lets see now where was I?

Cows come home,” I say

Oh yeah, thats right.  Well, anyway you look at it though, Parker had no business sending that girl to jail for doing what just had to be done and I told him so.  I swear; I sure would have liked to slap some sense into his bald head and would have too if the bailiff hadnt cuffed me and hauled me out of there.  It gets me riled every time I think about it and thats about three or four times a week.”

I follow Hillarys eyes until they come to rest on an eight by ten photo in a gilded frame sitting on the center of the fireplace mantel.  Its a picture of a young couple and a little boy propped up on his sociopath fathers lap.

I immediately recognize the boy as the snotty nosed little Johnny Ray Junior before he had become a household terrorist which is in itself only a warning of bad things to come.  And Emma stands close behind the seated Johnny Ray number one in the picture, bent down, her face close to his and her hands resting on his shoulders.  There are big smiles all around that somehow fail to hide the air of hostility between this young couple that would soon lead to Johnny Rays demise.

How strange it seems to see this picture of Hillary Boudreauxs first son and his killer and their son, his brains genes scrambled with mutations of madness no fault of his own, so prominently displayed above the fire, a memento and constant reminder of that slice of time in the space of things.  But, then again, I have yet to witness anything that doesnt seem peculiar about Hillary Boudreaux; whatever her reasons might be for freezing the moment on her sitting room mantel would be of no surprise to me.

He got what he had coming, thats for sure.  Johnny was a nasty bully when he was little Johnny Rays age and it was straight down hill from there.  I would have shot him myself if I could have brought myself to do it.  If any man ever needed to be dead and gone, he was up toward the top of the list there toward the end; especially after the booze got a hold on him.  His daddy was a better man than him and thats not saying much for either one of them.”

Hillary raises her hand and points toward the silver serving tray.

Johnny Ray Junior interrupts Hillarys chain of thought as he smashes his toy trucks bumper into the fireplace hearth again.  Spinning the pedals like a child possessed, his coon skin caps tail flying out behind him, he races the truck out the door and down the foyer.  Maybe he had heard enough about dear old dad.  The echoes recede with each thud as Junior repeatedly crashes his truck against the foyers walls until finally there is a dark silence once again except for the crackling of the fire.

Try one of those ice box cookies, boys,” Hillary Boudreaux says, “Jana and I made those fresh from scratch just this morning.”

Jeff and I pick up cookies as if Hillary Boudreaux had issued an executive order.  She watches silently, sipping from a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice spiked with whiskey, as we take our first bites.

Pretty good, arent they,” she says.

Delicious,” I say.

Jeff nods in agreement and reaches for another.

When Waynette was a little girl, she loved to help me make ice box cookies and roll home-made egg noodles.  We would spend all day rolling and powdering dough while the baking cookies filled the kitchen with that wonderful sweet smell and the aroma would soon fill the house and then drift out across the fields and the boys would come running across the lawn and up the kitchen steps to fill their pockets with fresh baked ice box cookies.  And Waynette cut all the kneaded and rolled egg noodle dough into wide strips and dropped them one by one into boiling water; that was her favorite part, the dropping.  Now those were some good noodles, son.”

And these cookies arent too bad either, Mrs. Boudreaux,” Jeff says.  He reaches for his third.

Yes. Well now, Jeff, Im sure you didnt drive all the way down to Thibodaux Louisiana just to shoot the breeze with this old woman and spend a day sampling my ice box cookies.  I can only assume youre here about Waynette.”

Yes Maam.”

People change, Jeff.  Its been five years now since we last saw you down here. When you left, I swear, I sure thought that was the last Id see of you; so did Waynette.  Wasnt any excuse for what Johnny Ray did to you and to his own sister though.  Johnny knew how crazy Waynette was about you but he just couldnt bring himself to accept his sister sleeping with an Indian.”

I look at Jeff.  He shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite from his cookie.  Apparently no offense was taken.

Hed rather she married a white serial killer sitting on death row than a red skin who could claim a million dollars in the bank and a mansion on a hill, which of course you didnt have either one of.”  Hillary takes a sip from her glass of fresh squeezed juice and whiskey and gazes into the fire as if her thoughts have wandered to there.  “As far as Johnny Ray was concerned, you could just as well have been black or slant-eyed sporting a beanie and a skinny little braided pony tail.”

Now Jeff appears to be getting a little agitated.

Hillary Boudreaux pulls another cane, shiny and black, from under the sofa and draws our attention to its delicately carved ivory swans head handle

I love swans, dont you?”

We nod.  Yes we do.  Whats not to like?

This one was hand carved for me by Janas Uncle from an elephants tusk down in Africa.  Some folks dont like that much, but hell, the way I look at it, the elephant was already dead, you know what I mean?  I didnt kill the damn thing so you get what Im saying?”

Yes we do.

Hillary pushes herself up with the cane and walks to the fire.  She takes a metal fire poker from its rack and prods the amber and ash logs until they glow bright and flames creep up toward the chimneys flue.  The room is silent once again except for the crackling of the fire as Mrs. Boudreaux walks back across the room and gently lowers herself onto the sofa.

Must have been two years after Johnny Ray ran you off before Waynette and I found out what he had done; that he had set the whole thing up. Probably wouldnt have ever known if the liquor hadnt finally loosened his tongue.  It was at Waynettes twenty sixth birthday party, just a month before Emma shot Johnny Ray.  Keeping that fine secret to himself must have been driving him crazier than he already was; thats just the sort of thing Johnny Ray would have been itching to brag about.  And how those half wits who helped him trick Waynette into catching you out porking that little whore on the night before your wedding kept their mouths shut is beyond me.”

Of course it wasnt right for you to be out getting laid the night before your wedding, but it wasnt through any fault of your own as far as I can see.  Anybody with any common sense would know a man isnt capable of resisting any sort of temp-tation Adam and Eve Jesus, all you have to do is check out the bible to see how long you boys have been out of control.  Excuse my language, Mister Barker.”

Oh, no problem; Ive heard worse.”

Im sure you have.”  Mrs. Boudreaux scoots to the sofas end cushion and reaches for a half full bottle of whiskey sitting on a sofa-side table.  Her hand firmly around its neck, she holds the bottle out in front of her.  She points at the label.  “You know, my great grandmother almost married the man who concocted this stuff.  Heron was his name, Marty Heron if I remember right.  Yeah that was it.  He worked his way down the Mississippi all the way from Saint Louis to New Orleans back in eighteen seventy something and got himself a job tending bar over there in the French Quarter on Saint Peter Street, I think it was.  I sometimes remember the name of the place, but seem to have lost it for now.”

Hillary carefully pours a shot of the whiskey over the remaining ice and orange juice in her glass and gently pushes the liquid and ice up and down twice with her spoon.  She takes a sip and smacks her lips with pleasure.  “You know, you must never stir this whiskey around in the glass and never ever shake it unless you want to ruin a good thing.  Saps the flavor right out of it, but you boys probably knew that already.”

Jeff and I shake our heads.  No, we didnt know.

Its true for sure.  You see, back then, back in the day of Marty Heron and my great grandmother, whiskey peddlers from Kentucky and Tennessee shipped some pretty rough moonshine down the Mississippi to New Orleans.  The bar owners were left to their own devices to make sure the stuff tasted decent enough to sell and no one ended up blind on a permanent basis, you know.”  Hillary pauses for a sip of her favorite whiskey and smacks her lips, but only twice.

They hired fancy mixologists and all sorts of rectifiers to do the job, but young Marty was the one who came up with the answer, and this is it.”  She grabs the bottle from the table.  “Martys secret whiskey blend of orange and vanilla and a touch of cinnamon and, of course, the alcohol and I dont know what all else.  My Great Grandma Pearls boy friend came up with the recipe for Southern Comfort, the best damn whiskey a man can buy at any price; the only whiskey fit for sipping, but you cant rough it up or youll lose the flavor.  Thats something, isnt it?”

Jeff and I shake our heads.  Yes, thats something all right.  “Sure is,” Jeff says.

The wacky Hillary Boudreaux is crazy as a bed bug.  Shes as pleased as a Southern Comfort punch.  A road map of wrinkles that had covered her sagging jowls is stretched smooth for a moment by her ear to ear grin.  The fireplace flames snap and crackle and dance in the still black pupils of Hillarys eyes.

Ive been told Marty spent quite a lot of his time down here in Thibodaux chasing after Great Grandma Pearl; stayed right here on this property they say.  Of course, that was in the old house before it caught fire and burned to the ground; left nothing but a big pile of charcoal and some ivory piano keys too.”  Still holding the bottle of Southern Comfort in her fist, Hillary leans forward on the sofas cushion.

Care for a shot Mister Barker?”

No, thank you.”

Jeff?”

Thank you.  Dont mind if I do.”

Youre welcome son.”  The ice crackles as Hillary pours two or three ounces of Southern Comfort into Jeffs glass.  She hands him her spoon.

There is a problem at hand.  How can Jeff get Hillary back on track?  Where is Waynette Boudreaux?  Thats all we really want to know.  Jeff decides to take advantage of the lull in Hillarys dissertation and pops the question.

Mrs. Boudreaux, about….”

Waynette?  Yes, of course.  Sorry son.  I didnt mean to ramble on so.  Its just that I dont get much company these days.  Of course Janas here for me and we like our checkers even if the game does get a little boring what with me winning any time my mind is half way alert and isnt muddled by an extra shot or two.  But thats not Janas fault what with me being white and just naturally smarter.”

This woman is killing me.

Waynette left home the day after Johnny got stupid drunk and told her what he had done how he had set you up and ruined all her plans. 

Johnny put some kind of drops in your drinks to mess up your mind; I dont remember the name did you know that?”

I always suspected it, but I never knew for certain.”

Well, thats what he did.  Hell, boy, you never had a chance.”

Anyway, I didnt see Waynette again until after Emma shot Johnny Ray.  Waynette came back home for the funeral, which kind of surprised me, but then again, even though he was a bastard, well maybe not a real bastard, but I cant be for sure one way or the other about that, he was still her older brother-or at least half brother and I guess that proves blood is thicker than water as they say.  I dont really know what it means, but you get the idea, dont you?”

Jeff shook his head.  Yes, I think I do.”

We had some words after the funeral, and somehow, Waynette got it in the back of her head I knew what Johnny was up to all along; she thought I was in on the whole thing, drugs and all.  She reasoned Johnny Ray didnt have the brain power to come up with such a scheme and I must say its a stretch for me to believe it myself.  But, I swear to you now, just as I swore to her then and there on the good book, I had nothing to do with it, Jeff; nothing at all.”

Hillary blinks and nervously glances into the fire before rambling on.

I was happy for Waynette and looking forward to the wedding, even if she was going to marry an Indian.  Now, Im not prejudice against Indians or anything like it, you know, so dont get me wrong, but you would have to admit it might have been a little dicey for us down here, especially if you two started filling the neighborhood up with a bunch of half-breeds you know what I mean?  But those sorts of things tend to work themselves out one way or another.  Hell, you and Waynette werent planning on living around here anyway, were you?”

Thats for sure.”  Jeff gulps down two shots of Southern Comfort, not shaken or stirred, the finest whiskey on planet earth.

Thats the way I looked at it for sure, you know, but Waynette couldnt bring herself to see it that way.  I havent seen her since: been three years now.  Oh, shes called me now and then Christmas or Mothers Day, maybe Thanksgiving and we talk some, but theres always a chill in the air about it; like we were two lonesome strangers with nothing in common other than the loneliness itself and one of us had dialed a wrong number and decided to have a conversation with who ever is on the other end of the line just the same.”  Hillary Boudreaux pours herself another shot of whiskey and sits quietly, her eyes cast down at the glass cradled in her hands.

Mrs. Boudreaux leans hard with both hands on the ivory swans-head handle of her cane and pushes herself up from the sofas deep velvety cushion.  She walks across the room to a hand carved mahogany buffet concealed in the fires shadows. She opens the center drawer.  She sorts through a pile of papers until she finds a pale pink cocktail napkin.  There is a message written across its center.

Oh yes, here it is.  Waynette moved over to New Orleans when she decided it was time she got out of Thibodaux.  Day after Johnny Ray spilled the beans, Waynette and her best friend, Betty Lou Riggins packed up and left you remember Betty Lou dont you Jeff?”

Betty Lou was going to be the brides maid at Jeffs wedding.  Jeff nods his head; yes, he remembers Betty Lou Riggins.

I thought you probably did; pretty girl that Betty Lou.  Anyway, Betty Lou and Waynette piled most all there stuff into Betty Lous old Chevy station wagon and just moved to the French Quarter, didnt tell a soul.  Her and Betty Lou been like Siamese twins since they were old enough to crawl around on these old wooden floors; couldnt pry them apart with a crow-bar.  Even dressed alike and wore their hair the same when they were little girls first off to school.  Now, here they are, off living together in the New Orleans.  I swear, I just dont know….”  Hillary Boudreauxs voice trails away.  She points at the smudged blue ink note that had been scribbled with a ball point pen across the napkin.

920 Chartres Street, thats the address as far as I know.”  She hands the napkin to Jeff.

Thank you, maam,” Jeff says.  He takes the paper, folds it into fourths and slides it into his back pocket as if it is destined to be one of those pieces of paper that end up forgotten until after its run through the washer and dryer and crumbled into tiny faded pieces.

Something is queer here.  There shouldnt be anything more important to Jeff than the address written on that square of paper, but he didnt even look at it before folding it away.  It was like he wasnt interested in what was written there, or already had all the information he could ever want or need.

Thats it; he knew where Waynette was before Hillary Boudreaux opened her mouth.  He knew where she was before we left Winslow Arizona; before this cross country chase began.  If that is true, then why the elaborate charade?  What is my roll?  What am I doing here for Christs sake?

You dont know?”

I look across to a dark corner of the room where the voice had come from.  The sparks from Einsteins pipe glow in the shadows.  I shrug.  I dont have a clue.

You surprise me, Gilles, you being a big shot novel writer and all.  Its so simple; I would have thought you would have stumbled across the answer by now.”

But I hadnt. 

Of course I should have known.

**

Thank you Maam,” Jeff says again

Oh, dont you bother thanking me just yet.  Like I said, five years can bring down some powerful changes on a person, you know some folks more than others.  And Waynette never was one to let the grass grow under her feet much.  Now, you boys better be moving on.  Its a fair drive to New Orleans and Im afraid our visit has tired me some.”  Mrs. Boudreaux picks up a small bell from her chair-side table and rings it.  “Jana.  Jana?”

Jana appears, an apparition from the shadows, standing next to Hillary Boudreauxs chair.  “Yes Maam?”  She says.

I look at Jeff.  Where the hell had Jana been before she was summoned by Mrs. Boudreauxs bell?  Had she materialized out of thin air?  He gave me his shoulder shrug; my guess was as good as his.  The Southern Comfort had addled his mind.  He didnt care if Jana had been sitting by the fire or dropped out of the sky.  He emptied the last drops of whiskey from his glass and crunched a cube of ice between his teeth.

Please show these gentlemen to the door, Jana.”

Yes Maam.”

Jana leads us down the hall to the front entry where Johnny Rays toy pickup truck lays on its side blocking the doorway.  Jana gives the truck a swift, short kick.  It skids screeching across the marble floor slamming into the wall at the bottom of the stairs.  I can tell shes done that before.

That boy,” she says.  “He could sure use a good switching.”

Jana follows us to the verandas steps.  Einstein sits impatiently waiting on the back seat next to the drivers side open window of the Chevrolet.  Johnny Ray kneels in tall grass across the drive next to a stand of cattails and marsh grass stalking Snowy Egrets with his bow and arrow.

**

Hillary Boudreaux had bought the boy a toy bow with arrows tipped by rubber suction cups shortly after he first came to live with her when his mother was sent to prison  She had showered him with all sorts of games and boxes of toys thinking “things” might help him to settle in and put the image he had in his head of his mother blowing bits and pieces of his daddys head all over their bedroom wall onto his brains back burner.  But Johnny Ray wasnt much interested in the toys other than to see how small of pieces he could smash them into with the sledge-hammer the hired man kept in a shed out by the barn.

Johnny Ray Two didnt have the attention span of a gnat, so that left out monopoly and Clue and Old Maid.  He liked things he could pedal fast and he did love his bow and arrow.  Johnny Ray could spend hours stalking imaginary prey across the Boudreaux plantation.  He would practice shooting his suction cupped arrows at targets until the day was gone and it was too dark to see.  When practicing his shooting he was a totally different person; as different as Dr. Jekyll was from his Mister Hyde.

Hillary was happy her grandson had found something to occupy his time.  She hired Louisianas top professional archery instructor who outfitted Johnny Ray with the finest archery gear Hillarys money could buy.  And he taught Johnny Ray to be the very finest of young archers in the Louisiana bayous Another monster on the road to hell.

**

Johnny Ray!  Johnny Ray!”  Jana stands with her hands on her hips yelling his name into the wind until Johnny Ray pops up from the cattails and weeds with his coon skin cap eschew.  He looks at Jana as if he were suddenly startled from a deep sleep.

Get over here right now Johnny Ray.  Your grandma will skin us both she catches you shooting those Egrets again.  You remember what the sheriff said last time dont you?”

 

 

Chapters

13

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AnnaSlade wrote 936 days ago

You've come up with a terrific first-person voice here, one that I trust completely because it's everyman: sad, world-weary and funny. So when you start telling me that Einstein is sitting in that chair I absolutely believe you. I really admire the clever way you've built up to this - first with the extra-terrestrial friend (could be childhood fantasy - we're not sure) then the Hopi Indian - (hang on, you really mean this, don't you?) In less skilful hands this could have been a disaster, but you do a great job of getting us to eat out of your hand. Your evocation of the released prisoner's feelings is superb. The sense of place which is at once realistic and slightly off-key is wonderful too - I'm guessing you're a bit of a Cohen brothers fan. Cast of great characters - particularly love Donkey - and very funny indeed. A great read - backed. Anna

Kaychristina wrote 949 days ago

G, this is so surreal, Dali would be proud of it. Yet it's real, just as real as Zargon Ron is to Gilles, and as smoothly written as a melting clock.

Gilles' observations, memories and actions are murderously funny. Crow Nose will live in the memory for a lo-ong stretch, as will the admirable Jeff Lightfoot's second-cousin Luke's... As for Rhonda, what a gal. All of these characters are from the big dipper, but they're here and breathing the same air.Except of course Belinda's poor old Daddy. Well, as you say, "It takes one to know one..." Wonderful. Einstein has a lot to answer for, and not just e=mc2... And now, Mister Lightfoot will take Gilles and us all on a roller-coaster... Maybe he'll have some raw green Hopi pills to calm us down instead of red...

The writing is superb, no other word for it, and the voice unique. Backed for you and for Arizona being twinned with Zargon for posterity...

From Kay on the Waystation x

nboving wrote 1224 days ago

Inevitably parallels will be drawn with this and "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", but it is so much more than that rather simplistic and frothy series. Beautifullu humerous and very well written - the description of Literary Fiction is quite apt. After three chapters I'm definitely going to back this - got to find out what happens next.

Nicholas ("The Warllock") - Horror/Thriller

Stark Silvercoin wrote 962 days ago

Einstein's Road Trip - Winslow to Thibodaux and Beyond is one of those books that is hard to categorize, though many of the best ones are. Author G. Rodgers Brinner has created a strange world that at first does not seem to make a whole lot of sense, but in fact seems to have deep meaning upon reflection. The fact that the author has a great writing voice keeps readers moving along until they begin to figure everything out. I don’t really know what book to compare it to as I’ve not really read anything much like it. But I will say that it is a quality piece that has a good chance of developing both a cult following and mainstream acceptance.

Vi wrote 1154 days ago

I immediately liked the voice – colloquial with a gruff knowing stylised catch to it. A not entirely trustworthy and therefore slightly disarming voice too. There’s a sense of displacement, of things sliding about underfoot which is nice. The characters have blood in their veins. The absence of seat belts is a telling image for the book’s emotional landscape. Foul breath, fast cars and star gazing – the writing effervesces with vitality. The journey begins and it promises to be a captivating one. Thumbs up from me.

Jue Shaw wrote 353 days ago

Oh Brinski - I am so disappointed. Not over your story, but becuase I keep getting an error message after reading chapter 1. So anyway, while you sort that out, here are my thoughts on the first chapter.

I just know this is going to be great. I love the voice, the different POV and the setting. Everyone has their own unique personality and your descriptions are just spot on. Love poor Tommy Tuna and strangely enough, I never flinched once when introduced to an alien midway into this prison set! He just totally slotted right in. And that is surely testament to your engaging writing skills. The fact that I'm dying to read more should tell you how much I'm enjoying this. Please let me know when the error is sorted out and I'll be back. Well done, this should do really well.

CJT wrote 362 days ago

Just finished the first two chapters of "Einstein's Road Trip".

I think you've nearly cornered the market on quirky characters.

It did not take very long for Gilles to appeal to this reader. I like his' penchant for counting, numbers, and his close observations of the world. At first, I wasn't sure if I would like him at all, but by the end of the first chapter, I turned, and there he was, right by my elbow, quietly smiling. Something about him sticks with me, and he became more and more likable by each chapter. My interest, despite my expectations, grew.

You also have a real talent for conveying backstory in an enjoyable way. Each was an insight into Gilles, instead of a distraction to the story.

I also found myself forgetting he was an absolute nutcase, and when I was reminded of his delusions, was surprised and pleased each time.

Nice work.

Some observations:
- I could be wrong, but I thought bunk beds were always bunked on top of each other, one scene in chapter 1 treats them as if they're side by side (one character turns his face to address the other)
- walky-talky is more commonly walkie-talkie
- the sentence beginning with "He was as carefree" should be broken-up
- first chapter mentions "thirty years ago" twice
- chapter 2 has a jarring combination of words: "pries my prized"
- wasn't sure a car door would necessarily slam shut going in reverse

Karamak wrote 368 days ago

This is a fascinating read totally absorbing and done with an eloquent touch 6* from me Excellent read, Karen. Just about to check out the art, on your website BTW love your avatar!

Mindy Haig wrote 389 days ago

Hi Brinskie,
I just dropped in to take a look at your book! What a great premise!
Very interesting 1st person narrative, and it is well written in a way that keeps the reader wondering what is real and what is imagined or dreamt.
Very enjoyable!
Hig Stars!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

Neville wrote 433 days ago

Einstein’s Road Trip-Winslow to Thibodaux and Beyond.
G. Rodgers Brinner.



An interesting start to your book as Gille Barker prepares to leave Winslow Prison.
I was really involved in the story from the start and found it a good read to be honest.
The old prisoners advice to Gille on his first day, the flash backs of talks between Sergeant Tom Haynes in the yard. These keep the book flowing and the reader interested.
I found the description of Billy Jean’s sudden realisation that death looms over her to be sad, but a very good account of the love between them both, it just pours out in your writing.
The same with the scene of Tom as he chooses death over a life without her and the prospect of being thrown on the scrap heap after retiring from his prison job. Very good writing, again.
The book does contain humour here and there, like meeting up with Jeff Lightfoot and his
Chevrolet taxi. Had to laugh when his cigarette butt stuck to his lips and his fingers got burned—it does hurt, I can tell you.
This has been a likeable read for me although I’ve not finished all that’s here.
Will come back though!! Well starred!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone.


Kirsty Louise wrote 449 days ago

The title made me want to read your first chapter, your first chapter made me thirsty for more. You have an incredible writing voice and a real talent here.
This is a truly original concept - I am buckled up to take Einstein's road trip - I just hope someone publishes this soon, otherwise the world will be missing out on an amazing read.

Russell Hunter wrote 465 days ago

Punchy, almost hard-boiled prose. There's a tremendous energy to the writing - very real and involving. Natural, purposeful dialogue. Engaging/sympathetic narrator in opening chapter. Good sense of an intriguing, unconventional storyline taking shape. On my shelf and highly rated. Thanks and best of luck with this.

Nathan O'Hagan wrote 496 days ago

just read two chapters. Loved it from the first line. Clever, funny and original. It's got me hooked, and Einstein isn't even in it yet. A great mix of realism and absurdity. Somewhere between Bukowski and Douglas Adams.
Very high stars, staying on my WL and i will be back to read more when time allows.

a.morrison712 wrote 499 days ago

EINSTEIN’S ROAD TRIP-

I saw this book had a fantasy tag and that caught my eye. Also, read that you always return reads ... so I figured a comment couldn’t hurt! I’ll just give you my first reactions to your first chapter. No rush to comment back on my book, but I would like to hear your feedback. Anyways, here are my thoughts:

Long pitch:

“Off beat magical realism” made me smile. I have a degree in Spanish literature and I can just hear one of my professors using this term when introducing a book. I’m excited to see what can make magical realism even more off beat than what it usually is!

Chapter 1-

Nice use of description right from the beginning. I like the description of the “walrus mustache,” I can see exactly what you mean by that in my mind! Strongly driven by dialogue and the characters are really starting to come to life in the first chapter. I did find that this was a little long. But that may be a matter of personal preference. I would consider cutting this in two parts, possibly starting with the bolded title “Sergeant Tom, Billy Jean, and Polaris.” Good luck with this story, I found that it read smoothly and your love for the story shines though. 5 stars from me!

Best,

Ashley
“Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket”

Warrick Mayes wrote 507 days ago

Brinskie,

I am enjoying this enormously.
However, there are a few mixed tenses that are troubling me. At one point you are looking at the Sergeant's future. You write "These days will soon be gone." Since most of the story is past tense I think it should be "Those days would soon be gone." It is a little confusing because the dialogue is naturally in the present, and this sometimes get carried over into the narrative, especially as you have a Zargonian psychic seeing into the future. You have not made your life easy!

Generally the pace is excellent, the dialogue good and the style is easy to read and easy to understand. A first class story backs up a great pitch. I will rate this highly!

Best regards
Happy New Year
Warrick

elmo2 wrote 519 days ago

i like the short pointed active sentences, they move the story along and are not tedious with description, the author too has a knack for the apt similie, it is smart writing, clever, as is the plot, though i think with vonegut and lesser so with others the use of sci fi and black comedy to explore the nature of things and give reason to painful personal experience has been used considerably, indeed the early introduction of an alien and fantasitic aparation, i.e. einstein, to a character who only has witnessed them and has come to an understanding of the world with alien help, creating a "is it real or all in his mind" situation, "slaughter house five" comes to mind, that being said this still is, for at least the four chapters i have read, an imaginative and well written story, and deserves good rating, which i will do

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 537 days ago

This is such a good story, slow to build and full of details that make it come alive: the unlikely rapport between prisoner and guard; the patio built at the back sixteen years ago; the luscious burger topped with tomato; bland prison fare dished up to a multi cultural prison population. Despite the starkness of the subject, the writing is rich, with a seam of humour to leaven the mix, lifting it beyond the usual. Although the subject would not normally appeal, I am drawn in and want to keep reading. Your masterful writing makes this easy for me. Highly rated and on my WL for now.

All the best, and thank you.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Rosalind Barden wrote 584 days ago

Einstein's Road Trip - what a trip! Is Gilles crazy, is he for real? The question is what makes this crazy story such a great read. Thanks for the journey!
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

Stopper wrote 609 days ago

L40 Review

Chapters 1-3

Bullseye! How else do you start a review of this? Bloody marvelous 1st person Hammet like laconic observations coupled with easily acceptable shifts into the surreal.

I think this is only achievable through the 1st person narrative because that enables the voice control necessary and here the control of that voice is exquisitely done, never a beat missed.

Yep, Hammet in the Twilight Zone where the 'normal' is contrived, and the strange acceptable, the idea of the strangeness of the prison regime sliding into the 'normal' and further strangeness works a treat. One thing I would say, you've a penchant for pepper as in peppered sprays in chapters 1 and 2, good phrase but follows on too soon, second one needs rephrasing, so it refers to the first but doesn't copy. Other than that though this looks shit hot to me, will be back for more.

Jim Barrass

RossClark1981 wrote 613 days ago

- Einstein's Road Trip -

(Chapters one to three)

My general impressions were that the writing is good, with an engaging and witty narrative voice. The opening chapter has a nice mood and a dramatic ending that plays out well. I did find the interplanetary talk a little bit jarring there and wondered whether it might flow better if the first chapter was more 'straight' and the alien elements were introduced afterwards. That could well just be me though as, purely out of personal taste, I would not normally pick up a book that deals with the topic. That is not to say that I didn't find the sci-fi element well writted, however. Because I did.

The following chapters are also intriguing, and are characterised by some very adventurous storytelling, none more so than when Einstein himself enters the picture. The engaging narrative voice remains here and this makes for a quite easy read.

Some nitpicks....(which may be taken with a pinch of salt as I am both a complete novice and unfamiliar with the genre so make no claims to being right).

- I found some of the wording and sentences a little overlong and this often disturbed my reading flow. In particular, I noted the the use of a lot of adjectives, especially in chapter one, stretched out the sentences and made my mind do a lot of work the picture the descriptions. This took me a little out of the story itself. This, however, may again just be personal taste. It s also not as much of an issue in chapters two and three as it was in chapter one.

- The very first sentence gave me some rouble with engaging, 'I silently walked down the Stark, white corridor of Winslow prison.' The adverb and doubling up of adjectives gave me some trouble with flow and then there was also some difficulty for me in picturing things. How can he walk in absolute silence? Does the prison only have one corridor?

- I think names and terms of address in speech need to be preceded by a comma. This is missing, for example, in 'Thank you Anna' (chapter three) and 'Get in Mister Barker' (chapter two).

As I say, the immediately above are nitpicks and I make no claims to being right about them. An enjoyable read with some very good writing in any case.

All the best with it,

Ross

bunderful wrote 631 days ago

LF40 Review

I have absolutely nothing to say about your plotting or pacing. I was hooked, drawn in and captivated. You are an excellent storyteller. Despite the fact that I would normally find mentions of aliens etc. a bit unbelievable, because you narrate the story in a very matter-of-fact way, I find myself beleiving you. I am unsure if this is real or a dream, is the main character sane or insane? But somehow it doesn't bother me, I just want to read on.

The end of your first chapter is chilling. Excellent. Very well done.

However, there were a whole bunch of places where I found your sentences were a bit wordy or over-written. Like you could have done so much more with less - and made your sentences pack a bigger punch. For example: In your first paragraph - you could say "Our flesh turns ghostly gray under the ceilings flourescent lights." - we don't need to know that they are also cool.

Or, you say "as if we might be kindred spirits whose thoughts were intertwined" - you don't need both ideas here. That you are kindred spirits implies that your thoughts are intertwined - you don't need to mention both.

Also - another example - you don't need to say that his keys are "bolted to his belt on a retractable spool" it's enough to say that they are on a retractable spool.

Anyway, so far, that is just my opinion. I think that if you tightened up the writing a bit this would be all that much more powerful. It's already quite good as it is though.

- Rena (Bunderful)

S.C. Thompson wrote 644 days ago

If Kurt Vonnegut, James Elroy, and Neal Cassady had all jumped into a malfunctioning transporter together like in the movie The Fly, what popped out the other side would most certainly be a close approximation to G.L. Brinner. And that crazy s.o.b. would have written a tall existential tale exactly like Einstein's Road Trip - and this in a parallel Universe not unlike our own. Or perhaps this is the alternate Universe and G.L.Brinner is that crazy s.o.b. You get my point.
The author writes of the Southwest and Cajun country like a local, of road-trips like a Prankster, and of Field Theory like a theoretical physicist. The author throws in a baker's dozen of super-memorable characters sprinkled along the way, each offering glimpses into surrealistic vignettes of the great American experience. This reader laments the incomplete nature of the offering, and wonders if it all might be the hallucinogenic mindtrip induced by the little red capsules Gilles ingests at the La Posada Inn courtesy Mr. Lightfoot, but I doubt it . . . I think. I'm not sure what I think after being immersed in the world according to Mr. Brinner. And that takes a teller of very tall tales indeed. Well done, Sir.

Helianthus wrote 654 days ago

What a strange, strange trip indeed. Fun reading with a unique style!

I spotted some spelling problems, which I don't want to place here. Let me know if you'd like to have them as a message.

TMTHOMSON wrote 679 days ago

L40 Review
This is a highly polished piece of writing. I only read chapters 1 and 2 but have backed the book as it exudes quality. In an attempt to help, I'm going to say some words that are perhaps unkind and inappropriate, but I found the ending to Sgt Tom Haynes rather convenient, another criticism is that the paragraph where the inmate explains his psychic abilities was too long for me to stay with it. I drifted off and found myself thinking of other things. Having said which, you deserve to get published. Good luck with this.

Richard42 wrote 679 days ago

I love a bit of Magical Realism and you've made it work well here. I settled into the story straight off which is always a good sign for me, nicely written in a highly readable voice. I wish you success. All the best, Richard.

SPW wrote 688 days ago

LF40

This is an excellent read. No doubt. It ticks all the right boxes for me; it is surreal, odd, unusual and very funny indeed.

Your writing style makes this a joy to read. The plot is as mad as a bag of badgers, but you pull the reader in with ease. By the time we get to the 'Bull's-eye' at the end of chapter one, there is no turning back. You have us hooked. Well done indeed!

Great voice throughout and some truly wonderful descriptions:
'...like jangling trinkets on a yoyo's yo'
'Nat King Cole is working his way into the room through the overhead speakers...'
Wonderful stuff.

As for humour, the line 'I can almost smell his left ball cooking' had me in stitches!

As a reader, I can only give you praise. This is a unique peice of work and one that deserves to be far higher up the charts. It goes without saying that I would buy this for sure WHEN it is published.

Thanks for such a great read.

Six stars and in the queue for my shelf.

Simon,
Yuko Zen Is Somewhere Else.

andrewmcewan wrote 700 days ago

LF40. I've been saving a space on my shelf for this. Who knew I could see into the future? Read two chapters and the tempo is delicious. Perfect reason to open another beer. Far too many semi-colons though. Most should and could be full-stops. Period.

Lara wrote 709 days ago

LF40 Review.
I am not so easily captivated but you did so. Mr Barker seems so pure to be incarcerated, and his (supposedly atypical) reactions when he is a free man were totally believable. His continuing surreal experiences depend upon this credibility. How can we doubt his experiences? We are just in another warp and must view his as containing possibilities denied in ours. This is the necessary premise for the reader in order to continue past 4. It helps that Gilles stems from an exotic location.

Regarding writing techniques, you score high. Little touches like Tom receiving his chicken parts - it's the word 'parts' which adds exactly the right touch of humour following the description of the fast food. And again, for the immediate visualisation of time and place, Belinda handing Gilles her cell phone, the size of a shoe box. Or, for credibiity, that Gilles experiences the hotel first as a prisoner working under close supervision in the basement.
You would decide to come back as a client on release, wouldn't you?

This isn't an easy book to gain full appreciation on this site where the necessity to 'review' hundreds of books is necessary to gain a point, but when such participants (like me) have totally given up, sickened by the networking, the luxury of picking and choosing comes into play. It's only then that frustration sets in, that a book like yours is not a physical entity to take into the garden and read from end to end. I want to find out where Einstein really fits into a meta physical adventure, if that's what it proves to be.

Not sure about the sub-title. Has it inhibited reviewers? Looks like I'm your first LF40.

I shall be backing you shortly. Brilliant stuff.

Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

Vall wrote 764 days ago

This is great writing - your imagination is wonderful, and the way you write and structure this, it really works. Your characterisation is strong and dialogue convincing. I like this very much, especially the world weariness and humour, and shall back it within the next few days. Val

Intriguing Trails wrote 793 days ago

Einstein's Road Trip
First Person, fiction. This book has a strong, consistant voice with excellent character development, vivid descriptions and compelling story line.
I've read through Ch 3. Most books cannot keep my interest for this long.
The plot is a little slow to develop, but there is enough intrigue to keep the reader wondering what is going to happen. The clues are deftly handed out in a scavenger-hunt manner.
I would recommend a stronger hook at the end of each chapter. While the plot is captivating, the chapters end in places that invite the reader to take a break, without a compelling reason to come back.
Occasionally I noticed a POV shift ... I'm sure it was intentional but threw me off the story enough that I have to mention it.
The fluid writing is very professional, without a single flaw in mechanics that I saw. (Not my strong suite)
I found this book compelling and entertaining, with a character that most people will identify with. Great piece of work!
Raechel
Echo

Kaychristina wrote 802 days ago

Re-backed for G., for Arizona and its twinning with Zargon... and for the Coen Brothers to film this ride. Please.

From Kay at a Waystation outside Arizona, with love to you, Gilles, Lightfoot (and doubtless his thunderbolt), Einstein for being there, and all.xx

afesmith wrote 818 days ago

Wow. This is a strange and wonderful thing.

It’s not the sort of book I would usually read, but something about it was appealing to me. I like your narrator’s voice: there’s a wry humour to it, but also a level of sadness that gives it undercurrents of emotional depth. And I like not being quite sure what’s real and what isn’t – as you said, there’s a little bit of a connection between us there :-)

I don’t have much to say about the writing – it’s clean and well controlled. Your style is poetic; usually I’d say rein it in a bit, cut out a few unnecessary descriptors, but here I think it suits your subject and your themes. The only thing I’d mention is your tenses – occasionally I think you slip into the wrong one, so it would be worth going through and double-checking. For instance:

‘Ron had come to visit me …’ – think this should be ‘came’?
‘I had been programmed …’ – I have been programmed?
‘I had heard the muffled sound …’ – I have heard (and perhaps therefore ‘It is the sound …’ in the next sentence)?
‘I knew because I sometimes see …’ – I know? (though the scene overall is in the past, I think this paragraph is present-tense commentary)
‘He had wanted original recipe’ – just ‘he wanted’, I think, but in fact you could delete this sentence altogether since his subsequent thought shows it clearly enough.

I’d like to compliment you on your chapter endings. I know this is a little odd as a compliment, but I’ve read several books recently where the chapters just … fizzled out. Whereas the ending of your first chapter had a surprising amount of emotional impact, given how little time I’d had to get to know the characters. The ending of your second held surprise and intrigue. And the ending of your third was a perfect conclusion to a comic scene (I loved that whole conversation with Einstein). Good stuff :-)

Overall I enjoyed reading this, and I’m happy to back it – I’ll pop it up on my shelf tomorrow, if that’s ok, since I want to give another book a little longer first. Do remind me if I forget.

rivergirl wrote 824 days ago

hi brinski -- i love anything to do with aliens and magical realism and literary fiction -- you've married the three here -- backed with pleasure. k x

rivergirl wrote 824 days ago

hi brinski -- i love anything to do with aliens and magical realism and literary fiction -- you've married the three here -- backed with pleasure. k x

RonParker wrote 826 days ago

Hi,

This is well written and original, I only wish I had time to read more of it.

Ron

Richard Daybell wrote 858 days ago

I've just been re-reading Einstein's Road Trip. I had forgotten how enjoyable it is. A wild premise with fascinating characters and crackerjack writing. I'm happy to give it another spin on my shelf.

matt.thomas wrote 874 days ago

I have to admit, the plot was so complex that I was skeptical, but the first chapter is great. Riveting stuff that's a pleasure to read.

scargirl wrote 876 days ago

i, too, paint as well as write and feel drawn to your work. enjoy your journey. i am supporting this book once again under the new system...
j

A. Zoomer wrote 877 days ago

Einstein's Road Trip

Dear G. Rodger Brinner,
Your writing sings and your paintings dance.
The story is well told.
I sprinkled many stars on this book as I believe it needs to be publish.
a zoomer

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 882 days ago

One does not have to read very far into this work to realize the greatness of storyline construction. I won't reference scenes from the work because it's not necessary to entice others to read this book. The cover treatment posted is great as well. Good luck. Chuck

James David Audlin wrote 904 days ago

An original premise that is deftly handled. The characters are convincing (even Albert), the descriptions reliable and often even rather poetic. There's a kind of shambling leisure to the pacing that rather engages the reader.

Comparisons to the Spanish Magic Realist school are far-fetched. That is not to say this isn't a good fiction - it is - but it lacks the sense of poetic madness one finds in, for instance, Aguilera-Malta and Borges, and it also has a kind of self-consciousness that they would have eschewed.

I see that others have mentioned the frequent missing commas around dependent clauses, including names, but this version on line still has the issue. Remember the adage that punctuation saves lives; there's a big difference between "Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!"

This will be placed on my bookshelf as soon as one of its current inmates is released for good behavior.

--James David Audlin

zap wrote 904 days ago

hi G,
this is a snappy little crocodile sandwich ! I could hear my teeth crunch as I was biting through the images. It's very nutritious with plenty of protein to keep you going, and digestion will build resistance against the wicked world.
I admire your cocktail of realities, and straight from prison opposing worlds mingle seamlessly into one. Few things make sense and Jaegermeister is welcome in any situation, oh yes. I liked the fact that the I-person, who appears as a bit of a shadow at first gains strength and opinion as the story develops. A fast and furious read with plenty of interesting characters. Backed.

Kami K wrote 909 days ago

G. Rodgers Brinner, who are you? This is surreally fabulous - Prison, Zargon, Einstein ... and all wrapped up in stunning humorous prose. This has to go on my shelf with a halo of stars.

karenrosario wrote 913 days ago

'My friend Ron, from the planet Zargon...' This is so surreal and yet written unashamedly as if to say, "Yeah? What are you staring at?!!" I had to squint at the screen, trying to work out whether or not the guy on the book cover is picking his nose. Wouldn't be surprised!
Bonkers stuff!

brinskie1 wrote 918 days ago

UOTE] I enjoy the ego building comments voiced by 99% of authonomy's writers, and hard as I try, I find myself taking that path occasionally, but it is good to receive comments with some attention to the objective point of view now and then. I know this takes far more time and appreciate your input. Several of the things you mention had already been addressed in previous edits, but two were very helpful. After hearing of total deletions of manuscripts by others trying to update chapters, I have been reluctant to post changes. I guess it's time for me to go ahead and take the chance.

G
Einstein's Road Trip

Brinskie,

Some time ago, you backed my book Time Squared; I'm pleased to finally be in a position to return the favor.

Einstein's Road Trip has an engaging premise: we were created by aliens as part of a game, and some of us have more free will than others. Hmm! Gilles's "selective omniscience" is a novel way to have a first-person narrator, and yet fill in things he wouldn't normally know. The shifts from present to future to past are handled deftly and have a nice free-wheeling fluidity. The reader must keep awake, but it's fun, once you're used to it.

Your descriptions are nicely detailed. Sometimes they ramble on and go over the top, but I suspect this may have been deliberate. I loved the bit about all the haute cuisine leftovers being fed to pigs, who return to the kitchen as bacon.

I noted a few corrections, listed below by chapter (I read 3). A couple of general punctuation comments:

1. When characters address each other by name, nickname, or title, the name should be set off by a comma: for example, "Thank you, Anna," or "No, Jeff." Sometimes you do it and sometimes you don't.

2. Hyphenate compound adjectives, such as ten-year-old Chevy, full-blooded Hawaiian, or long-lost friend.

Ch 1
. . . audience 's last row . . . There's an extra space before the apostrophe

Bianca Dry should, I think, be Binaca Dry

My time to walk out that door had finally come. You narrate in present tense, and this occurs in the present of the story, so I think you want, "has finally come."

. . . a captor of his own fate. You want "captive.'

be-yond my control has a stray hyphen, as does after-noon.

Big Dipper is a proper noun and should be capitalized.

Ch 2

Winslow Arizona needs a comma after Winslow.

Jeff presses in the clutch, which implies his Impala is a standard shift, but the stick is on the steering column, like an automatic. Did they ever make them that way? I don't know that much about cars, but this struck me as odd.

Porches and Honda rental cars should be Porsche and Honda

. . . provide for there survival . . . You want "their"

Ch 3

swirl-ing and re-liable have stray hyphens

. . . black clouds working there way . . . You want "their"

. . . the gate of a man . . . You want "gait"

This promises to be an imaginative and entertaining ride! Good luck with it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED



Tom B wrote 918 days ago

This is really really good stuff. Brilliantly bizarre. Going for a day on my shelf.

Tom B wrote 918 days ago

Excellent stuff. Just read Chapter 1. Only a couple of points. You've got some unusually hyphenated words. And check audience's in the first paragraph.

Off to read Chapter 2

SubtleKnife wrote 918 days ago

Wonderful, and I'm backing it. Only one small typo I spotted:

'... with the gate of a man...' shoud be, '...with the gait of a man...'

That's all. Cheers! -Liz (Meggie Blackthorn)

Karen Eisenbrey wrote 920 days ago

Brinskie,

Some time ago, you backed my book Time Squared; I'm pleased to finally be in a position to return the favor.

Einstein's Road Trip has an engaging premise: we were created by aliens as part of a game, and some of us have more free will than others. Hmm! Gilles's "selective omniscience" is a novel way to have a first-person narrator, and yet fill in things he wouldn't normally know. The shifts from present to future to past are handled deftly and have a nice free-wheeling fluidity. The reader must keep awake, but it's fun, once you're used to it.

Your descriptions are nicely detailed. Sometimes they ramble on and go over the top, but I suspect this may have been deliberate. I loved the bit about all the haute cuisine leftovers being fed to pigs, who return to the kitchen as bacon.

I noted a few corrections, listed below by chapter (I read 3). A couple of general punctuation comments:

1. When characters address each other by name, nickname, or title, the name should be set off by a comma: for example, "Thank you, Anna," or "No, Jeff." Sometimes you do it and sometimes you don't.

2. Hyphenate compound adjectives, such as ten-year-old Chevy, full-blooded Hawaiian, or long-lost friend.

Ch 1
. . . audience 's last row . . . There's an extra space before the apostrophe

Bianca Dry should, I think, be Binaca Dry

My time to walk out that door had finally come. You narrate in present tense, and this occurs in the present of the story, so I think you want, "has finally come."

. . . a captor of his own fate. You want "captive.'

be-yond my control has a stray hyphen, as does after-noon.

Big Dipper is a proper noun and should be capitalized.

Ch 2

Winslow Arizona needs a comma after Winslow.

Jeff presses in the clutch, which implies his Impala is a standard shift, but the stick is on the steering column, like an automatic. Did they ever make them that way? I don't know that much about cars, but this struck me as odd.

Porches and Honda rental cars should be Porsche and Honda

. . . provide for there survival . . . You want "their"

Ch 3

swirl-ing and re-liable have stray hyphens

. . . black clouds working there way . . . You want "their"

. . . the gate of a man . . . You want "gait"

This promises to be an imaginative and entertaining ride! Good luck with it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED



Robert Craven wrote 923 days ago

a cult-classic in the making here, I cannot fault the writing and the myriad of characters created, backed.

Rob

celticwriter wrote 927 days ago

Hey G :-)
Thank you for backing LONDON. Finally having a chance to read your work. Which I find is nicely paced. Like the comment below, nice voice. Your writing in unpretentious, very real. I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who indeed appreciates a good visual. Fun work!

blessings,
jim

Pollux wrote 927 days ago

I noticed that a number of people have commented on the strength of the ‘voice,’ and I agree. The plot is intriguing and unquestionably out of the ordinary. The naming of Lightfoot and McNabb is probably more cute than clever, but those are minor criticisms. The writing is engaging, and I found it difficult to stop reading in order to write these comments. Gilles would make a great detective in a straight who-done-it novel. I would recommend a spell check (not with a spell-checker, which wouldn’t pick up a horse’s tale or shear weight).

All the best,

Pollux

Andy M. Potter wrote 930 days ago

Hiya brinksie, i backed you in the "old world" of auth. happy to rank and back you now. i have no new insights to add from my previous comments. you're on my shelf because this is good writing - ;) - succinct yet fully entertaining.
very best wishes, andy
ps - appreciate if you could look at crier of kathmandu, as time allows.

CarolinaAl wrote 931 days ago

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An engaging fantasy. Plausable main character. Good character development in the first chapter. Good blend of action, dialogue and narrative. I have no idea where this story is going so I can't comment on the plot. Overall, good writing.

Specific comments on chapter 1:
1) Chapter 1 opens with a description of a walk in prison. If I were in a bookstore I would probably put the book back on the shelf after reading the first five paragraphs. Well written, but not engaging.
2) Ron passing through the steel door hooked me. However, the similie of a knife through Jello is frighteningly close to the 'knife through butter' cliche. Can you come up with a more unique similie?
3) 'Puffs of clouds floating free across the cerulean blue sky.' 'Cerulean blue sky' is cliche.
4) 'He patted the sweat from his brow with a hanky. 'Hanky' sounds feminine to me. Can you come up with something more masculine? Perhaps 'handkerchief.'
5) "Yes sir." Comma after 'yes.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of this type of problem in your first chapter.
6) 'Chevy' and 'Impala' are redundant. Use one or the other, but not both.
7) Excellent end of chapter hook.

I hope these comments help. These are only my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest. Thank you for your continued support.

livloo wrote 933 days ago

A highly descriptive read giving the reader a full picture of the events and setting. I'm not a fantasy fan but I kept reading as it was so well done. I intend to back this when I have shelf space.

Clare
A Policeman's Lot