Just a One Night Stand

Hi David,

Knowing you were leaving, I read your first three chapters today. What a captivating story.

Your opening scene is intriguing. I was totally draw in to your story.

Your characterizations are remarkably deep (I've never said that before about any story). You've done an outstanding job of keeping the focus on Marion and Martin. You use narrative expertly to delve into what makes each person tick. They are sympathetic and interesting people.

Your descriptions are vivid. For example, the garage or Gemma's flat or Professor Blackmore or the Italian coffee shop. Great attention to detail.

I love your humor. For example, the Captain's "Left the silver, have you?" comment. I laughed out loud at that. And how about the dark humor of Simon's buoyant mood being 'brought resoundingly back down to earth by his quivering fiancee" or the image of Martin's mother exfoliating with a cheese grater? Marvelous.

I was intrigued by the interesting tidbits you provided regarding student life at Cambridge.

Your use of language is impressive. Your sentences are tight and varied in length. You use an huge variety of active verbs. You mix description, action and emotion in precisely the right amount for a satisfying reading experience (in my opinion). Am I impressed? Most certainly.

Your dialogue is dynamic. In particular, I enjoyed Gemma's exchanges with Marion. At times dramatic. At times touching. But always believable.

Your pacing was spot on for my tastes.

Thank you for posting this story for us to read and enjoy.

Enthusiastically shelved.

Al

Hi David. OMG! you put me in Marion's head. I was there, killing that sprout with the girl! I can still sing Needles and Pins-za right through. And Gala pink lippy rings a distant bell. I can see this as a film, a period piece, with the great 60's music playing as score. Can you perhaps script write the story? Perhaps with flashbacks?

The two threads work well, Marion and Martin, and there is enough of Marion to keep interest before Mrtin comes in, which is good. I was very keen to know what happens, so jumped ahead to the birth of the baby. All well written and set in time. All in all an lovely, evocative story. Very happy to back this. Nicky. (Nuns & PGs.)

Strong characters in a difficult situation. We are the children of our times, no doubt about it, and this story goes to the heart of that. Your writing for Marion is so effective that I, as a man, feel her dilemma and emotional situation. Finally, your dialogue, particularly between Marion and Gem, is right on in being true to each character, in its credibility, and in advancing the narrative. You are on to something signficant here. I will return and read more. But in the meantime, shelved.

What a powerful thrilling account...seems like real life to me.
I hope to get back later and read it all...On my shelf.
I hope this goes to No 1 and I see it in the bookshops
Cheer...............Mikey (The Free)

I enjoyed this you write women better than some women do and I found myself deeply moved by your mc's plight. It's amazing how your life can change in an instant.

Don't know if I have backed this before, but this is a great read. I shall indeed be returning to read more and more.

BACKED

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat.

warm wishes
Brendan

Backed with pleasure!

Amy
Love Match

Your character development is excellent especially how you let us into Marion's head and explore her inner angst. Excxellent use of imagery and the dialogue is well done. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi, David -

You've got enviable powers of description. To that add sympathetic characters, crisp dialog and a dark wit that knows exactly when to surface, and you've got a winner on your hands.

I'm delighted to back One NIght Stand.

Would also love to see your thoughts on my book.

Best of luck, and thanks.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Very very good, with the essence of a great novel and a best seller. Your portrayal of the fahter is magnificient and the agony that Marion is experiencing is conveyed in superb tones. Backed (days ago) with much pleasure.
Readers would follow this intriguing tale for sure wondering if Marion will marry simon.

This is a real period piece. I think you've captured the attitudes of the time very well.
The chapters are over long, I think you could do with breaking them up a little more and occasionally you drop from show into tell, but apart from that, its very readable.

I finally came back to read more of this and I am BACKING again just in case i missed the newsfeed last time! Nothing more sexy than a man who writes chick-lit better than chicks do!! Love it and my only complaint now is I want to readthe entire book!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi David,

I read the first chapters of your cautionary tale a few months ago and then sadly I stashed your novel on my watch list hoping to get back to it soon. I returned and read the final three posted chapters today.

You are a talented writer who has much sympathy and empathy for your characters. I am guessing you're a sensitive person yourself because your characters are rich in humanity. You handle all the various points of view with aplomb, the dialogue not only feels spot on, but deeply reflects the characters' thoughts and feelings, and what they hide from each other.

I felt deeply touched reading about the other people in Marion's life that will be affected by her faux pas--which include her mother Vera, her father and her boyfriend Simon. Their heartache comes off as excruciating and real, which reflects on again your talent as a writer.


You mentioned that you will be self-publishing and I wish you the best with your novel. I think you will go far with it because there is a lot of potential here and I'm guessing a large market for this type of novel. I'm glad I was able to read all that you posted.

Best wishes,

Patricia

Two very well-portrayed characters thrust into a difficult situation, natural and realistic dialogue, and good scene setting. I wasn't born yet, but this really comes across as the less trendy face of the sixties. My only suggestion: the talk they have at Exeter station involves a few rapid pov jumps back and forward. Maybe keep it in Simon's for half and Marion's for half.
And a main character called Simon - Good move!
Anyway, top stuff. Backed.
Cheers,
Simon

David,

This is a compelling read. Your characters are well drawn, your style very easy to read and the shifting points of view emphasise the number of people affected. I've read everything you've uploaded, and would have happily read more.
Backed.

Rachel

Always said anyone who uses more then two sensory descriptions in their narrative will get my vote! Hence you have been backed.
Think a change in the pitches might help here, just don’t ask me, mine are well…..
If I remember rightly it was more then the wipers that went ‘clunk-clunk-clunk’ on a Healey.
I liked the short paragraphs (an art I wish I could master), moved this along and made the reading easy – liked this – good luck

I read chapter 1. Normally I would complain about the length of the intro chapter but for some reason this worked for me. I think because of the tone and storyline it is where it needs to be. Perhaps I was fascinated by the pacing. Always near and dear to my heart.

But those pitches? Sorry, neither worked for me. This is a classic example of too much tell. Edit those and your craft will be more sublime.

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Hello David, This is really good, well written and down to earth. What's more, I can unfortunately agree with all your 1964 statements: I lived through that time. There was a stigma about having a child out of wedlock, that is almost unbelievable now. Your characterisation is very good and your description of cars, music and fashions is spot on.
I travel down to Cornwall about once a month and I wonder how on earth, Marion managed to drive all that way, especially if it was snowing and bearing in mind that the roads were not good in 1964. It would have taken her many hours, (It takes us five hours even now to get to Truro on the A303 & the A30.) This is my only criticism in an otherwise very good story. I hope that it reaches the ed's desk. SHELVED with pleasure.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm (Would you take a look at this for me please?)

A very moving portrait of Marion's dilemma, and a succinct and realistic rendering of the moral climate at a time when it would become very common.

You might consider moral fortitude > strength.

Backing

You might get more action on this if you'd update it daily. It only takes a minute or two.

Would be honored if you'd have a look at Moonbeam Highway.

Dear David, Thanks for backing He Loves Me. Hope you'll take a moment & back my other book
Tell Me True Love Stories which is the unedited version.

I love that in your book you have short paragraphs that makes for easy fast read.
Please check to see if you show that it's backed by me. I'll put it on my watchlist, now. Maybe that will help your rating, too.
Love, Susie :)

Thanks for your story, David. Traumatic! Hope you'll read mine, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not & my unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.
Please back my TWO books.Thanks, Susie :)

I enjoyed this. Caroline's comment seems to say it all. Best wishes, Barry

Hi -- Caroline's comments say it all. Good luck and best wishes, Barry

Hi David, I had to look back to make sure a man wrote this, I don't mean that in a bad way it's just you seem to understand Marion 100%, you've gotten inside her head. I can't imagine what she was going through, especially back in the era, it was a tough time for unmarried women. I like the change in viewpoints between Marion and the various different people in her life that this decisions effects. She's a brave character, although clearly she has her stupid moments, she also comes from a wealthy background and she has the weight of her family, namely her father to deal with. This is a really good read so far and I wish I had this book infornt of me so I could read it at leisure. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Lordy, what a long ch 1! But I liked it, good luck, Maggie P.

I like stories that take place in other time periods when values were different than they are today so the outcome of events is different. You have a great writing style: clear and easy to follow. One caution: your first chapter seems long. Maybe break that up into two shorter ones?

like the story a lot. I am a big fan of 1960's music like Elvis Pressley and Paul McCarenty and the time period is pretty cool. The opening scene is really good. you don't waste time and pull the reader in and make them root for the characters.

I invite you to comment or read the rebel.

God Bless,
Chipper

Thi sis absolutely brilliant! Definitely in my top five favorites on this site. Having grown up with a single mom in the 60s I can so realate - your dialogue is down to earth and snappy and the prose polished! Backed for now but will return to read more!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is a good read, with characters well invented and well developed....I liked them and wanted to know how they continued. I am not sure about some of your historical details and verisimilitude - I suspect this ambiance is more like 1954 than 1962; but then, it is set in its own particular milieu which may have been more `old-fashioned' than my own memory of the period. By 1962 THE PILL had made its dreaded appearance! But these are, actually, details easily dealt with. The big things you get right. Congrats. DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

Dear David Makinson,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I skipped to chapter five to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by a mother who can’t stop sweeping lest she remember her son weeping. Likewise, she doesn’t dare delve past superficial pleasantries with him. She is also in denial about the potential infidelity of her husband. The father has also isolated himself from the mother. Do I need to know about the history of mines surrounding the dog path, or the heyday of the canal? Simon has despaired of finding a good relationship. He recounts a humorous anecdote about the pub and women who come in to dump dinner on their husband’s laps.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your pitches even more exciting. The short pitch will feel more personal if you interject the protagonist into it by name. You already have great tension and complications. I feel the excess punctuation is distracting, meaning the ellipsis and the exclamation point. I don’t believe the last two paragraphs in the long pitch add sufficiently to the tension you’ve created with your cliffhanger to be worthwhile. Believe a hyphen belongs in the compound adjective “old-fashioned father”.

Pitches aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! (Previously backed.)

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

This is fine work. A strong premise and expert prose make a quality package!
Backed!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a read of your book.

David, I missed the 60's and got lumbered with the 70's to be a teenager in. However, perhaps that was not so bad! You do a great job of scene-setting and interesting the reader in what happens with your MCs. Would I read more? Definitely. Jim Darcy Serpent's Blood

David, I've read all your five chapters with pleasure. You've made a great job of capturing the feel of the times, whether through more obvious references to Carnaby Street or 'That new kid, Best,' or in more subtle ways. Excellent. Cambridge is well detailed, accurate and very well described.
The story, a morality tale of a specific era in essence, depends on the viability of the two main protagonists, Marion and Martin, and here you really excel yourself. The depth of your characterisation is remarkable. Initially, in the opening two chapters, I wondered at the amount of back-story that was intruding on the narrative, telling rather than showing as the style police would have it, but it's necessary and doesn't overwhelm the story.
Fine writing, a story of interest on a sociological level as much as for its content, I'm very pleased to back this
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

this captures the period exceptionally well. It is a nicely drawn story with some very intriguing characters. It captures a spirit of nostalgia whilst also being very real and arguably unsentimental. Backed. Carl. The Time Hunters

David, your chapter one reads well. Great narrative and dialogue.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Slver Spoon Effect)

A nostalgic read full of vivid descriptions.

A joy to read.

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

Dear David, well we said we have a look and we were not dissappointed.

My how times have changed, I asked my Dad what he would say if I turned up with a baby, he said he'd ask me what its name was.

A lovely read, nostagic for my dad.

Backing it.

Eleanor and Sharkey.

David
This is good writing. Will be to see how Marion gets through this. Your writing transports the reader there, so I'm wondering about her relationship with her father, and also thinking Simon is so upset he will end up letting the cat out of the bag in one of his phone calls. Completely compelling. If I picked this one up I would buy it and, after reading, offer it to all my girls. And they're not easy to please! Backed
Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

Hi Jupiter

And there was me hoping you would be making a comment about my work having backed it - oh well!!

Ta for the backing, though. Best wishes

Hello....

my name is Jupiter Echoes.

I have lived and worked in Canada, Czech Replublic, Qatar and UK.

I've been a teacher, a goat herder, helped out on farms, owned a small business in my youth, worked markets.

I love creative writing.. novels.
I also love hiking, biking, show jumping, chess, occassional xbox game, and board games.

I don't drink or smoke or take drugs.

I've hiked in the Rockies, BC, the Yukon, and the Highlands of Scotland.

My dream i guess would be to have a small holding somewhere in the Highlands, maybe near the sea so as to collect seaweed for the fields. However, I also like to go off hiking for weeks at a time... preferably solo, though i do enjoy other's company. Solo hiking also takes the strain of those you live with, and yourself. Enriches the relationship. I don't like living in someone else's pocket.

My writing is fantasy based, with dashes of mystery, horror and sci-fi.

I'm thinking of returning to teaching abroad, and maybe travelling to Nepal, or somewhere like that.

Maybe instead look into a post grad course in environmental studies to go with my business degree.

I don't know. Tried to settle down in last six years but things didn't work out. Hence I live in a caravan for the moment, don't have much money, but do possess a van. I write a lot. So, i am the typical penniless wannabe author... except i am not an alcoholic. I think i aught to start sending my work off to agents.... i haven't done so in the last two years.

I used to do a little martial arts, play squash, babmington and general other sports... but not brilliant at them.

Physically, reasonably well built... so i wouldn't say fit... a bit of muscle though.

Well... That just about sums me up.

Except, i just realised i am in no position to have a serious emotional relationship with someone....
so i guess friends is the answer....

My fantasy book is really about belief systems and climate change.
http://authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=12176

If you would like photos, try...
http://picasaweb.google.com/tyraxxa

Hello....

my name is Jupiter Echoes.

I have lived and worked in Canada, Czech Replublic, Qatar and UK.

I've been a teacher, a goat herder, helped out on farms, owned a small business in my youth, worked markets.

I love creative writing.. novels.
I also love hiking, biking, show jumping, chess, occassional xbox game, and board games.

I don't drink or smoke or take drugs.

I've hiked in the Rockies, BC, the Yukon, and the Highlands of Scotland.

My dream i guess would be to have a small holding somewhere in the Highlands, maybe near the sea so as to collect seaweed for the fields. However, I also like to go off hiking for weeks at a time... preferably solo, though i do enjoy other's company. Solo hiking also takes the strain of those you live with, and yourself. Enriches the relationship. I don't like living in someone else's pocket.

My writing is fantasy based, with dashes of mystery, horror and sci-fi.

I'm thinking of returning to teaching abroad, and maybe travelling to Nepal, or somewhere like that.

Maybe instead look into a post grad course in environmental studies to go with my business degree.

I don't know. Tried to settle down in last six years but things didn't work out. Hence I live in a caravan for the moment, don't have much money, but do possess a van. I write a lot. So, i am the typical penniless wannabe author... except i am not an alcoholic. I think i aught to start sending my work off to agents.... i haven't done so in the last two years.

I used to do a little martial arts, play squash, babmington and general other sports... but not brilliant at them.

Physically, reasonably well built... so i wouldn't say fit... a bit of muscle though.

Well... That just about sums me up.

Except, i just realised i am in no position to have a serious emotional relationship with someone....
so i guess friends is the answer....

My fantasy book is really about belief systems and climate change.
http://authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=12176

If you would like photos, try...
http://picasaweb.google.com/tyraxxa

This is a very different book from most. You have taken a theme which is important, and which seems, strangely, as if it comes from a far off era of history, now that things have changed so much, but which is well within the memory of so many people. You conjure up the sixties unerringly, with every detail perfect, and one of the good things about this book is the nostalgia which fills its pages. Alongside this, comes the pain of Marion and her family, the decisions which she is forced to make, the reality of her position in an age where, if a single mother didn't have her family's support, there was little else. Your smooth, professional writing brings us along at a fast moving pace. Marion is a good character, party loving or her situation wouldn't have arisen, and still remaining her rather frivolous self, forgetting to phone her father for instance to let him know she's arrived safely in London. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

David
I found this very readable, and also "of its time"... the Austin Healey, the Zephyr... your characters are well-drawn, and there is a genuine conflict at the heart of the plot. The only suggestion I can make is perhaps to describe Marion's fears in more detail... thus building more tension... for example, will her father hit her? Her fear of the pain of childbirth (not easy for a man!).
Frank

Hello David, have put you on my shelf as promised - Chris1

Hi David, wonderfully put together this. How the world has changed! I can remember some of those attitudes - 'fallen women', 'shotgun weddings', 'having' to get married. It's adifferent world now.

The characters are very well drawn and recognisably class-ridden, the class attitudfes the 'Swinging Sixties' was to help undermine, great times with a great soundtrack! Backed! Could you do a swap with me? Chris1

It's amazing how much society has changed in a few short decades. But, birth and its trama are universal and something all readers can relate to in some way. I read your chapter 10 out of context and was able to easily follow the flow of dialogue and the characters actions and reactions. At one point the porter calls her 'love' -- and since the other characters use that as well, somehow that one struck me as odd and out of place. Still sticks with me even having finished the chapter so I thought I'd mention it. If the baby is only a month early it should weigh more than 4 pounds. Typical weight at term (40 weeks) is 7-8 pounds and the baby doesn't double in size in the last 30 days. Women safely deliver 5-6 pound babies at 33 weeks.

I thought this chapter well done. If it's an example of your writing style, I suspect that you pack a great deal of emotion into your writing. You should have the reader heart and soul. Best of luck to you.

Ah, every girl about to go to college's nightmare! You've got a good story going here though, at the moment I'm feeling the stakes aren't quite high enough. It all seems a little easy somehow - the sister handily lives in London, the father handily provides an allowance. It's not quite kitchen sink. But then, why should it be? I found myself wanting to be shown what was happening and how the characters were feeling, rather than being told what happened and how they felt. I think at the moment it all feels a little bit distant.
I also snagged on the POV shifts - in particular between Gemma and Marion. I can only really cope with being inside one person's head at a time!
But this is still emotive stuff - and you just want to slosh the stupid men in this.... Poor girl.
I'm going to rearrange my shelf this evening and will happily back you then.
Keep an eye out on your newsfeed - if it doesn't come through by tomorrow, nag me!
Jane
WALKER

Apologies for the delay in reading your book.

I think your premise shows promise, but I think you need to craft the story so it unfolds with more drama and impact.

Here’s my thought – let the dialogue unfold a bit more instead of summarizing. I think this would help me understand things more from Marion’s point of view. And with the dialogue you have – shorten it up. Have someone comment in between. People don’t usually talk in complete paragraphs. In the part with Miss Notty, you have it flowing this way. Model the rest of the dialogue this way.

Eliminate such phrases as “ever-manipulative Marion.” Let us experience this – you don’t need to point it out. I’d also get rid of whilst – maybe you use it in England, but it sounds so old-fashioned.

Oh, and avoid using anything but said after dialogue. It seems redundant, but people really don’t pick up on the word, and it is preferred. Never say things like: she gasped. Sometimes, asked or replied is OK. But 90% of the time, you should stick to said.

After reading the section with the Captain – I wonder if it goes on too long. Get to the point of the interaction, the punch, and move on.

The description of Gemma doesn’t need to be this thorough. Just let the characters interact and see what comes out. Go back through this chapter and try to eliminate all of the narration that tells background on the characters.

Hope my comments are useful.

Nancy
Cycling, Wine and Men

Dear David, Now I see the irony in “just”—this one night stand was anything but. Partly through your skillful inclusion of period details, you do a brilliant job of capturing the years of cultural twilight between the benightedness of the fifties and the liberating sunshine of the late sixties. Your tight, vivid prose and realistic, telling dialogue splendidly evoke Marion and draw the reader into her plight.

I like the similarity in the names Marion and Martin: another irony, in that their options are very, very different.

I’m so glad that time is gone, and that your deftly written, highly compelling story will be here to stay when it sees print--which I think is soon. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

Just a one night stand. Famous last words of many unwary travellers through life. Things are better lately, but the results are never easy even now. Shelved.

Backed!!

Justin
Falcons on the Floorr

Hi David

I've read the first three chapters so far and am really enjoying this.

It's an engaging story. The storyline is emotive in itself, but what for me really makes it stand out is the character development. The depth of 'knowing' you give us about Marion and those she interacts with makes the story feel particularly life-like and real. The details about her parents, the conflict with Simon over the future, and the way she handles her pregnancy all envoke early empathy for her right from the beginning. Through weaving in period references and items within the narrative you easily ground the action into the setting and time - fab!

You show the rather laddish Martin goes about his lady-chasing ways oblivious to his impending fatherhood, and the contrast to poor Marion feeling her pregnancy and having a rather different life to what she'd imagined. It's easy to get hooked into this story, and i'll definitely be coming back to read more.

Shelved :-)

Best wishes
Lorelli (The Man Whisperer)

Hello David,
First, I am a rookie writer and recognise what hard work it really is.
But I am a reader, and have found since my arrival at Autonomy that I cannot review on a single chapter. Additionally I prefer honest critique [I am here to improve]. So I have to respond in the same way.
An impressively well written and styled work. I enjoyed the descriptive elements and the characterisation is excellent. I have enough memory of the 60`s to recognise the accuracy of the setting. This story is about relationships and highlights so very clearly the different options available to ALL your characters 45 years ago. [Even Nottie as a war widow]
All excellent and your settings and descriptions show a great talent, thorough research and a great deal of writing hours.
I found myself empathising with Marion and the hackles on my back rising at Simon’s ultimatum. But here we are, firmly planted in the 60`s, a time of different social conventions and no reliable alternative to adoption.
I did keep wondering where Marion’s Mum was in all of this.
In spite her flaws, I liked Marion and recognised her [and accepted her] as the lead character and understood that the circumstances of her pregnancy were going to drive the book.
I was comfortably drawn into the story in Ch1, but found the switch to Martin Corrigan and Cambridge a little brusque..I know that Ch 2 is an important one, to outline the circumstances of his and Marion’s “fling” and introduce the father of her child..but I found my attention wavering. Using the conversational device with Fiona in italics?.
I read to Ch 7.., and now understand the scaffolding you are employing to tell everyone’s story, but I feel that each story is overly long and you risk losing your readers attention. By Ch 6 ,I was hurrying through and anxious to know what was happening to Marion again. So I do have issues with the structure.
David, your writing is beyond reproach, and the story itself is incredibly engaging, there is, without doubt, a gem of a story here. But for me the pivotal character and her circumstances seem to get swallowed by the remaining players.
Dawn : ARK

I really love the time period in which you write this and that was why I was drawn to it.
I think your characters are so well rounded that they really drive this book. YOu instantly feel for Marion and cannot help but like her. Laced throughout this story is a subtle yet driving humor. I commend you, for this isn't a novel I would think a fellow would write, but I think it grand that you have wrote a chick-lit novel and it feels as a girl wrote it. Do not take offence to that, I mean it as a compliment, in the sense that you grasp marion so well.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

A slight misread had me wondering what a former England Rugby star was doing battling through the sleet in 1964, till i re-read and understood you were talking about the car. From then on it made much more sense and was a well-penned piece with cleverly cast characters. This wouldn't be my usual read but their is no mistaking your style as a writer. You did a great job of evoking the period. backed.