Book Jacket

 

rank 5844
word count 13611
date submitted 29.08.2009
date updated 10.12.2012
genres: Fiction, Young Adult, Popular Cultu...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Here comes the summer

Eva Cherubini

Twenty-something girl's comic adventures: festival, work, Paris. She wants to write and her dark short stories are included.

 

Set in the early nineties this is the story of Pauline, an aspiring writer whose short dark stories are included in the book.

A fun-loving girl who in her university summer holidays goes to work for a high-street store where she gets to earn some money for the holidays.

She enjoys a break with her close friends at a rock festival. Her time at the festival is a mixture of moments of contemplation and comic episodes.

Following this, she takes a trip to Paris where she falls in love with the city. The trip brings moments of chaos, fun and comedy.

Throughout the book there are sixteen short stories written by Pauline. She puts pen to paper when an idea comes to mind, and to evoke the feeling and tension that she is trying to get her readers to experience, she has suggested pieces of music for them to listen to whilst or before reading them. These short stories vary greatly from the core book as they are dark, often violent, and always end with a death.

 
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tags

friendship, nostalgia, stories within a story, travel

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39 comments

 

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richard thurston wrote 966 days ago

An interesting angle in the way you have incorporated the musical motives and embroidered them into your writing. Oddly enough I have done the same with chapter headings since music has underpinned my whole life.
An enjoyable read and unusual in it's premise. Backed of course
Best wishes

Richard

missyfleming_22 wrote 966 days ago

This is completely different and trust me, that is a good thing!! I think Pauline is an awesome main character, she comes off as the kind of person I'd love to know and party with. I like the music references too, another reason I can see myself hanging out with her. Your pace and voice are good, it kept me interested. You've got the dialogue down for this age group, it's like my friends talking. Let's just say you've written a book I'd buy and leave it at that!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Andrew Burans wrote 969 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Pauline. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

lizjrnm wrote 1036 days ago

This is absolutely wonderful! Id buy this book for my college age daughter who journals everything she does - hurry up and publish this so I can give it to her for her twenty first birthday - you have a talent for tapping in an dcapturing in writing the mindset of young adults today! Bravo for a book that doesn't need vampires and dragons to driv ethe plot - just real life situations which I find far more compelling!

BACKED WITH PLEASURE

Liz
The Cheech Room

yasmin esack wrote 1120 days ago

Truly fascinating and entertaining read
backed
the lord of the dawn beyond 2012

Melcom wrote 1165 days ago

This is so different it's just crying out to be shelved. Agree with Frank, it would be good in diary format.

Good luck with it.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Francesco wrote 1172 days ago


Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments.
If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.

udasmaan wrote 1172 days ago

Shelved. I enjoyed the reading the stories within the story from Pauline and learnt a lot. I am sorry that i have a very poor English and i mainly read books to learn from them and enjoy it in that way, so i cannot leave very useful comments here. backed

Shah - the interperter

Evel Knievel wrote 1208 days ago

Hi Frank,
Thanks for putting Here Comes the Summer on your shelf. I really appreciated your comments too, really helpful advice, thanks again!
All the best
Eva

Mmm... the Undertones are one of my fave groups and I remember when "Here Comes the Summer" was coming through the radios... I would rewrite this in diary format, first person narration. That would help pull the disparate elements together, and give it a single unifying voice. Yours!
Shelved
Frank

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 1209 days ago

Mmm... the Undertones are one of my fave groups and I remember when "Here Comes the Summer" was coming through the radios... I would rewrite this in diary format, first person narration. That would help pull the disparate elements together, and give it a single unifying voice. Yours!
Shelved
Frank

Jo Ellis wrote 1260 days ago

I like your premise and Pauline's stories (which are in themselves good) give a good insight into her.

I think though that a big lot of them together is a bit much and could be perhaps interwoven into the narrative a little more. But that is just me...

Aside from this I like your 'voice' and writing style and see this will be a great adventure...

Backed

Jo xx

Spoilt

Bob Avey wrote 1270 days ago

An unusual read. It's on the shelf.

Jupiter Echoes wrote 1270 days ago


Hi, I have read a small portion of your work. I am looking at your micro - writing.... effective intro, whether you slow the story down with too much back story, if your characters come to life quickly, your descriptive powers, the rhythm of your prose, etc. I have approached your read from the point of view of genre and market. I have judged my work to the best of my ability, but punctuation, the over use of !, grammar, spelling, are the remit of my wife so don’t think I have judged these elements at all (I only wish I could).

As the micro writing is good, I back your book. I don't expect you to back mine, but if you are just in it to climb the charts to get to Ed's desk, and don't want the hassle of reading mine, just back it.

On the other hand, if you would like a deeper read, then please look at my novel, Dream Diamond, and leave feedback that isn't a regurgitation of the past few comments. I get so many clusters of similar comments that one feels utterly worthless and is left wondering if they are good at all. If you do ask for deeper feedback and have submitted negative critisism, I still will reciprocate honestly, and will not enter a tit-for-tat comment, as I have found happens to me quite often when I get honest.

Now, I am not going to be able to focus on your book holistically. I haven't the time to read entire books. Your overall plot structure, your ability to weave mystery or give a great ending, or the way you drag in the middle is really not in the design of this site. What I suggest is that you find someone whose comments you trust, become there friend, and see if they will swap books and ask for analysis of longer portions. Eh, maybe form cluster writer's circles within authonomy.

You may wonder what prompted this approach. Quite frankly, I haven't the time to spend months, reading everyday, all day, to reach an editor who, from past data, in all probability will not accept my book for publication. I could write another book in the process. Secondly, I have put so much effort into the work of others who quite obviously only paid scant attention to mine, and given some fit-all comment that means absolutely sod all.

So, here is my gift to you. You are BACKED because you deserve to backed. You have honed your craft to at least not to make an agent quiver. Whether you book has the exceptional quality to put it above the hundreds of other great writers here, I cannot say without a deeper read. Reciprocate if you want, no worries if you don’t.


BACKED.


Jupiter Echoes.

Kara wrote 1273 days ago

Thanks for backing THE RIVER and your comments!

Bob Steele wrote 1275 days ago

Here Comes the Summer is a curious mixture that is outside my normal range of reading, but is certainly distinctive. I found the abrupt shifts of point of view and of subject matter almost as disconcerting as the ingredients for the couscous. The music, short stories and recipes may go down okay with the 'pop' audience, but I'd ask the editor a favour on points of view - you start off well inside Pauline's head, and please stick with it. I didn't like being bounced out after a few paragraphs by the omniscient author ['Pauline was a likeable girl' author tells me a bit pompously instead of letting P show me herself how likeable she is], only to find I have to climb back into P's head again to learn about her dreams of Papy's Cafe a little further on. If the rest of the book is like that, I'll get very frustrated. Overall you demonstrate you can write well and evoke your characters vividly, so I'll back you to add the editorial polish.

Onthedottedline wrote 1276 days ago

Sorry if you're fed up with hearing this, but it needs a lot of sorting out to make it publishable. I get the impression that you wrote the short stories some time ago, and that you have now cobbled them into one novel about a fictional writer, so what we really have is several books stitched together, and the seams show. My gut feeling is that you should remove all the stories, and try to publish them seperately, and then develop this as a novel about a writer. I think it will be worth the effort because you are clearly a very skilled wordsmith, and your work deserves to be published. You have my backing. Best wishes, Tony.

InternetG33k wrote 1277 days ago

Hi Eva,

I read this last night, but I wanted to wait to comment until I had a bit of time to think about it. You have some excellent raw material here, but I do agree with other reviewers that because there's so much happening in a short span, it makes it a bit difficult to figure out what the story is. There's another book on here called "Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools" ( http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=1500 ) that incorporates story and recipes - maybe take a peek at how she did it (and got a gold star from Authonomy in the process) to see if it gives you any ideas on how to organize your own story. Nonetheless, I think you've got the makings for something extremely unique, and as you know, already up on my shelf!

~Traci
Tangled Web

scarletjg wrote 1278 days ago

I really like it though you will need editing before you approach an agent. It comes off a little jumbled but its an original idea that could really work. Get some friends and family to edit it for you just to take off the rough edges. I'm shelving this for the potential it has.

Janice (Blood of Eden)

C.P. wrote 1278 days ago

There is a lot of potential here but I think it needs to be harnessed a little. The plot at times seems to be hidden. So many things happening at once. I guess I'll have to pay closer attention. With a bit of an edit and a more obvious plot I think you will have a real gem here. You can write and have a great imagination. Just have to streamline a little. Good luck. Shelved for the potential.
Connie

S.D. Gillen wrote 1280 days ago

Very interesting! I like Pauline and think she makes a great mc. I like the little stories, maybe spread them out a bit so its like candy. A little here and there goes a long way. :)
You write well.
Good luck!

Backed by SD Gillen :)

B. J. Winters wrote 1280 days ago

I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, the idea is most original -- on the other I couldn't figure out where the plot was going. Pauline is definitely interesting, but my preference would have been more of her, and less of the stories (perhaps only one or two per chapter). By the end of chapter 2 the novelty had worn off for me - I couldn't imagine both girls sleeping in the back of a police car, particularly since the ride is short (and I suspect his question really wasn't rhetorical).

I do like the music and story links - and as I said before Pauline (and the Perils of) have potential. Best of luck to you.

Steve Ward wrote 1281 days ago

Eva
Okay, you should get the award for creative writing. This is an adventure in contrast. A comedy about a girl stumbling through her summer sprinkled with her short, short stories of death and dying. Dark is an understatement. Just wondered how many murder ideas she could come up with so I read on to chapter three which had none at all. The writing is very good and draws the reader along turning pages, well done. Good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

paxie wrote 1281 days ago

Eva

Cocktail of cocktails.....I think concoction of cocktails sounds better

I found the word 'as' sprinkled around where I felt on occassion it would've been better replaced by a comma...
eg
'as' she could hear......1st paragraph
'as' after al their cards could .......

Do a word search on 'as' scan your eyes over the first chapter and see if you're happy with their placement....

The sentence beginning.:- ........After a heavy night .....(has over 50 words, I think it needs revisited).

When I saw:-

Suggested Listening, Cheek to Cheek, Irving Berlin.......

I thought, where are Pauline's parents, what's happened to them...? ....... I enjoyed reading about Beverly, but it niggled the whole time that I hadn't had closure on the previous scene.....

By the time we got to :- Pauline hugged her parents, I'd nearly forgotten all about them.....

For me, it's all here, it's just not in the format/order I wanted.......

I admire originality, and I found the short stories interesting.....I'm not suggesting your re-shuffle, because my opinion is only the view of one person.....But we're here to be honest ......For me it didn't work as it's laid out...

That said, you're a fine writer....Am happy to shelf.....best wishes...

Clare Hill wrote 1282 days ago

I like the juxtaposition of Pauline's life and the dark stories she writes. But it was strange to read, almost as if two books had been spliced together. I think the positioning of the stories needs to be more relevant to Pauline's life, otherwise it feels too random.

John Booth wrote 1282 days ago

Hi Eva,
Well, this is certainly a way to get a large number of short story vignettes into a novel.

I always think that originality should be encouraged - Shelved.

I like your novel writing and am not sure so many stories in a row works. My advice would be to limit yourself to one SS per chapter and to directly relate that to your MC's life.

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Kim Jewell wrote 1282 days ago

Hi Eva!

A story from an author about an author that writes stories! This should definitely hit a chord among all the writers here on the site! How imaginative...

Pauline seems very real, authentic - you've drawn her well and it's easy to relate to her very early on. I have to say, I'm glad you didn't make me wait too long to start reading some of her short stories! Once I read your pitch about the shorts and how dark they were, I was instantly intrigued. (Good testiment to your intro and the strength of it - you definitely drew me in!) I like the suggested songs at the beginning of each one - nice touch, and as writers, we often tend to have passion for other arts such as music, poetry, painting... Nice tie-in there. I like this. Backed!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Roe wrote 1282 days ago

I'm not sure if this quite works, I think you need something to pull it all together. Well done you for trying a different approach, though. I can see where you are going but it needs a little work. Backed though because I think you will get there.

T.L Tyson wrote 1284 days ago

A unique way of going about things.
A somewhat boring existence, lead by great music and then some weird little stories. Are they journal enteries, or just her stories. What are they here for?

Regardless I love the suggested listening thing you have going on. And the Undertones are one of my favorite bands, so I would back you on that alone. But your writing is sweet and enjoyable.
I love this line...."Oh how her tongue twitched in anticipation of these sugary, sublime delights."
Reminds me of me. Sweet tooth indeed.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Jane Alexander wrote 1285 days ago

This has me puzzled, it really does. The juxtaposition between the humdrum everyday oh so normal life and the macabre stories is pretty intense. And then a recipe floats in!
Hard to judge totally on three chapters but it's certainly different...... My feeling is that maybe we need the stories drip-fed a little more into the narrative. At the moment it feels a bit random - 'here are some more stories'.....
Watch out for exclamation points - know that a lot of agents/editors aren't keen on them.
I tend to agree with Helena - I'd like to know more about the character before the stories come in....but, also like Helena, I do rather like it.
Backed, with a slightly puzzled frown ;)
jane
WALKER

mikegilli wrote 1286 days ago

Great book- The shorts are terrific..Shelved..
or horrific, most of them. I wasnt sure
how Paulines own story fitted in..maybe you
should adjust it so that's clearer.
best of luck with it...super original!......Mikey The Free

Helena wrote 1287 days ago

HI this is an interesting read, I really enjoyed the short short stories, dark but really intriguing. Its a different read and I think maybe the stories come in too soon after the beginning so there is not much of a set up or an insight into your main character. I like it though, its shelved. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

andyroo wrote 1287 days ago

This is amusing and yet very very dark at the same time... it is also an eclectic mic of what seem to to be anecdotes, stories, recipes (?) and various other things. Not sure how this would fair on the open market, but I found it to be an interesting read nonetheless.

Andrew

hot lips wrote 1288 days ago

I like this, I thought it was amusing. I particularly like the included short stories that always end in a death. To be honest I think the main story needs a ruthless edit. I often noticed that a sentence could be reduced by several unused words. This is not the case with the included stories. But nevertheless very good. Backed
BADD

Kendall Craig wrote 1289 days ago

I was most interested in the pitch to hear about the short stories, especially that they were dark and twisted and ended in death. Except I think I misunderstood as I thought that the characters in the book who read them would die! Never mind, I enjoyed the structure nonetheless. There is much to commend here, not least the short stories and the humour there-in, but also the recipe and also Pauline's story and her family. Unusual, original and entertaining. The cover which i noticed on my watchlist is also quite stunning.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

klouholmes wrote 1292 days ago

Hi Eva, I like this structure. When I read the synopsis, I was hoping the stories would be short shorts or flash fiction and they were! I wasn't prepared for the comedy and laughed during almost every one of these stories - the Buddhist story, the suicidal dog - these coming after the agreeable and loving birthday tell the irony of the imagination. Same with her job and the incidents there. Here the writing focuses and captures the job situation with humor. But again, I liked her attempts to write about something more sensational such as the crazy women.
For me, this is both about writing and the comic or passionate vision of the young. I also liked the listening directions. I think young adults would enjoy this book. It's entertaining and releasing. Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)


soutexmex wrote 1293 days ago

This really worked for me. This idea is something I had in college but could not pull off but you did. SHELVED!

I could use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Simon Swift wrote 1293 days ago

I disagree with the comment below and love the short stories within the main story! Great idea and very well handled! I will read on and am happy to back! Good stuff, girl! Let me know when you are posting more! All the best!
Simon x

chicklit wrote 1296 days ago

Dear Eva,

The opening was gripping unfortunately you lost my attention by including the short stories.
Sorry I couldn't read more. Shame as I like the bit in between.
I'll give you a boost anyway and will back your book.
No need to take too much attention of my comments I know nothing about publishing.
All the best
Chick Lit.

Andrew W. wrote 1299 days ago

Here Comes The Summer

Hi Eva,

Boy, this is lovely fresh writing. Her character is great, the structure games you play in the first chapter are a risk by my general impression is that they work really well. There is a natural tone and cadence to the dialogue as well and also a passion and deeply warm feeling towards her and her predicament. Evocative ingredients for a great fun read. There is a warm optimistic style which lends itself strongly to comedy. Very good and original structures, happy to back this, if you have the time to comment on my book it would be so helpful

Best wishes
Andrew W..
Sanctuary's Loss

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