Book Jacket

 

rank 5847
word count 13726
date submitted 15.09.2009
date updated 22.09.2009
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: moderate
incomplete

How to Hide an Elephant

Holly Harland

In a new town Carla finds cool new friends, but do they know more than they’re telling about Gemma Merryweather’s recent and widely publicised disappearance?

 

London 1973. Carla Corti has had come to terms with her mother’s abandonment. Still it would have been nice to know her. On the eve of a breakthrough into why her mother left, Carla’s father moves the family North. A fifteen year old Londoner, Carla is distraught at the move. Her father asserts the benefits of country living, Carla only sees small town mentality.
And yet, Carla soon slips seamlessly into the shoes of another girl, a missing girl. She takes on her life, takes on her friends and slowly takes off her mask.
A salve on the raw memories left behind by the missing girl, Carla finds new confidence in the ready-made hole she fills. The people she vilified before knowing them become closer to her than her family. Yet the more she is accepted the less comfortable she feels. The more she learns the less she wants to know. The spectre of her mother raises its head. Carla’s conscience awakens; she can find no rest in this mystery girl’s shoes, she must find her.
Carla soon has to battle with a community’s greatest fears, remembrance of deeds done and acknowledgment of their part in them.

 
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tags

1970's, acting, coming of age, identity, london, missing girl, mystery, teen, yorkshire

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30 comments

 

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Freddie Omm wrote 1315 days ago

'C' is a good chord to end ch 1 on .

chilling prologue . coolly observed, yet close in on the action, no barriers, direct .

i like this style, its sharpness, curt but not cold, not clipped, but restrained, letting emotion bubble forth by implication rather than spelling it out .

"at home might be crap, but astrid's nice and has a never ending supply of chewing gum and magazines." the voice sounds right, a lack of emphasis, shit happening .

this is an enjoyable, subtle read .

shelved, and wishing you well with it .

freddie
("honour")

and the premise of course drips with implied emotion, so this is a rally good thing .

miss cartridge, the girls together with their secrets and plotting, echoes of miss brodie . .

J M Dalhousie wrote 1337 days ago

Your prologue made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up! I like the fact that you write in the present tense, although at points in the story where the action is less urgent you might want to consider using longer sentences, maybe building in a few clauses. It would vary the pace a little, and make it more obvious when we should particularly be paying attention. A minor point, however. Backed, in anticipation of reading more!
JMD
The Alchemist's Heir

Sandie Newman wrote 1339 days ago

I really liked your pitch, made me want to read on. The opening is excellent, very matter of fact and straight down to it and reminds me of when I used to to fight with my siblings. Great dialogue and very well written, shelved with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Breezyday wrote 1339 days ago

Holly,
Your dialogue is very natural- well done. I also wondered about using first person present tense. It seems limiting to me. Also, I would like chapter 1 to dive right into the action a bit more, or perhaps a little quicker. You have a great pitch and I look forward to reading more.
Best of luck,
Anna Carroll (BUMP)

Rob Bassett wrote 1341 days ago

Just some thoughts. Why have you written in first person present tense? I ask because it is at once revealing and immediate, but conversely can become claustrophobic inside your main protagonists head and be obviously one-sided. What about diary entries or some other characters thoughts to ease the tension? You write well, so Im backing you.
Rob Bassett - Splinters

Holly Harland wrote 1341 days ago

thanks for this, John - I've taken on board your comments - and am going to declassify it as a thriller, since it's probably more of a mystery, but I am also going to look at chapter 3 again - what you suggest does happen, but it's currently more of an escalation than an immediate event.
Hi Holly,
This is beautifully observed and well written - shelved.

The only concern I have is with the narrative. If this is a thriller then chapter 3 is weak. Instead of tensions rising they are falling and you need to introduce some sort of narrative hook to make the reader want to read on. Something out of place, discordant or threatening. It's always hard to talk about narrative. The writer knows what's going to happen, but you have to see it from the reader viewpoint. Without knowing a lot more of the story I can't make much in the way of suggestions. Perhaps a mini-crisis as others in the class gang up on Carla? In any case, a dramatic bridge while the main story develops in the background.

Hope that helps

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Dania wrote 1341 days ago

I like the narrative and the voice + the premise is really good. Shelved and good luck.

John Booth wrote 1341 days ago

Hi Holly,
This is beautifully observed and well written - shelved.

The only concern I have is with the narrative. If this is a thriller then chapter 3 is weak. Instead of tensions rising they are falling and you need to introduce some sort of narrative hook to make the reader want to read on. Something out of place, discordant or threatening. It's always hard to talk about narrative. The writer knows what's going to happen, but you have to see it from the reader viewpoint. Without knowing a lot more of the story I can't make much in the way of suggestions. Perhaps a mini-crisis as others in the class gang up on Carla? In any case, a dramatic bridge while the main story develops in the background.

Hope that helps

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

nillan wrote 1341 days ago

Holly,
I really enjoyed reading this and I wish you had put out more chapters. You really write well and your way of describing teenagers is great. Shelved.
Nillan
Blue-eyed in Luhya-land (please check it out)

Bradpete wrote 1342 days ago

Holly, I have only had the chance to read the first three chapters but i feel your book is worthy of a place on the shelf. You have, and this is a compliment, a lazy style. By that I mean it is easy to slip into the story and feel comfortable with your style. Well done.

Pete x

Bradpete wrote 1342 days ago

Hollu, I have only had the chance to read the first three chapters but i feel your book is worthy of a place on the shelf. You have, and this is a compliment, a lazy style. By that I mean it is easy to slip into the story and feel comfortable with your style. Well done.

Pete x

TheLoriC wrote 1342 days ago

This is an amazing blend of literary fiction and a thriller. The first two chapters held my attention and I find this very publish-worthy. If I saw this in a bookstore, I would pick it up. A deserved spot on my shelf!

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

J. G. Reynolds wrote 1342 days ago

Hi Holly
I enjoyed the opening of your book a great deal. Vivid scene setting and instantly sympathetic and believable characters. A juicy sense of dealing with tension keep the narrative buzzing along.
Be great if you have time to have a look at my book sometime.
Hope you're tip top,
JG Reynolds (Head, Heart & Trousers).

keith cullen wrote 1342 days ago

hi Holly

I'm finally getting down to reading the books on my watchlist, Just read yours and really enjoyed it. Hope it goes well for you.

thanks

keith

Keefieboy wrote 1342 days ago

Holly, I loved the title! I was a little confused about the relationship between the girls in ch 1, but you write very well, lots of neat observations (esp what playing guitar does to your fingers). On my shelf for a bit.

Freeman wrote 1342 days ago

This well written and quickly builds the characters and the interest in her long lost mum. For me this is rather YA rather than adult. I’m not too keen on present tense however you seem to have done it well. I am happy to back your book.

Tony

Urania wrote 1343 days ago

Hi Holly, this has a great premise and tons of intrigue. I like your characters and dialogue, and although I'm not fond of first person present tense narratives, you handle this extremely well. Just drop some of those speech tags. They stop the flow of the read somewhat. Entertaining, and sure to do well in its target market. Good luck! Shelved with pleasure.

Urania wrote 1343 days ago

Hi Holly, this has a great premise and tons of intrigue. I like your characters and dialogue, and although I'm not fond of first person present tense narratives, you handle this extremely well. Just drop some of those speech tags. They stop the flow of the read somewhat. Entertaining, and sure to do well in its target market. Good luck! Shelved with pleasure.

Onthedottedline wrote 1344 days ago

So this is a sort of Sommersby/Martin Guerre, yes? It's certainly an intriguing plot and a brave attempt to get very deeply into who we are and what motivates us. You dialogue is absolutely brilliant, and really carries the story along. I have enjoyed what I've read very much, and will return to it later. Backed with pleasure. Best wishes, Tony.

hot lips wrote 1344 days ago

This is excellent, very realistic writing, warm and entertaining. Backed
BADD

paxie wrote 1344 days ago

Holly

Loved it, read the first chapter......

Dad finishes breakfast .....His green eyes 'are' flicker (typo)

Assume Lizzie is Carla's friend from home, she's mentioned twice but not introduced...

You've done a great job of profiling Carla & Bev......I would have known which one was speaking even without qualifiers... And the narration is snappy without a single word wasted....I didn't skim at all...

If I have one criticism it's that I would have liked a bit of variety with your speech tags.......I say, I ask is used 85% of the time.... I venture, she suggests, he intones, Bev probes, I promise......bla bla bla.....(my view only, it's brilliant as it is). Best of luck with this.....Shelved with pleasure.




beegirl wrote 1345 days ago

The normal drama of moving as a teenager added with the mystery and suspence of this story of taking a missing girls place. Great story-line. I am sitting here at chapter four and so far you are pulling off a first person story very well.
My one concern--target age and audience. I wouldn't see this as literary fiction but more of a YA. Most adults read about adults-they would dive into younger years but only as a background to a larger/older story. If this is targeted to YA then you have the voice just right for that audience throughout these chapters.
Barbara
The Sea Pillow

Kim Jewell wrote 1345 days ago

Hi Holly!

This is beautifully written, and a compelling, heartfelt storyline. I love how you tie the smell of peppermint to Granddad... Scents are awesome descriptive elements - everyone has scents that remind them of someone, so will instantly relate. My grandpa always smelled of Copenhagen and everytime I smell that, well, it's powerful nostalgia. Way to put that into your story. Great stuff - on my shelf!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Elaina wrote 1345 days ago

I don't generally enjoy first person, but you seem to pull it off. Whether it can be sustained throughout an entire novel is another story...and you don't have enough uploaded to check! However, good premise, clean style and a story shaping up into something special.

I'm happy to give this a whirl on my shelf. Love your title, by the way!

All the best
Elaina

LittleDevil wrote 1345 days ago

This is very different, the only worry I have is whether you can sustain the first person present tense the whole way through. I do think it compromises on the settings slightly, with the short sharp sentences. The beginning of chapter two began:
The next day it's my birthday, but considering you are telling the story in present tense, I didn't think that worked. Maybe consider changing it to today it's my birthday? or something similar.
I'm happy to give it a spin on the shelf and watch out for more chapters.
Best wishes
Sue
A Boy Called George

Jane Alexander wrote 1345 days ago

Holly, hi and welcome to Authonomy
Is this YA fiction? Reads as if it is and would certainly appeal to that market. Your characters are totally believable and you have us rooting for Carla from the off - poor soul, having to share a room and even a knicker drawer, with Bev....
The switch to school is really well done and rings very true. Then you add the mystery hooks and it just gets better.
Not sure if you intended to end it at 'put off for another d' !!
I'm going to back this (put it on my shelf) as I think you're doing a great job and I'd want to read more.

Jane

Steve Ward wrote 1345 days ago

Holly
This is wonderful writing. My how you can tell a story in dialogue. You should give dialogue lessons, it all sounds so natural. Poor Carla, you garner a lot of sympathy for her longing to know her real mom. At least she has her guitar for a Bev blocker. I used to use that on my brother. I loved the line, Bev has a way of finding raw bits of skin. . . Well done. The hook at the end of Chpt 1, the mysterious address book, is effective in getting the reader to turn the page. This is a fun read. Good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Lorelli wrote 1345 days ago

Hi Holly

I like the storyline from your pitch so decided to have a read. The start brings us straight into the family tensions that form part of Carla's everyday life, except this day is different, the tension is raised due to the move from London and her and her sister squabble over the drawers. This inter-family tension is an interesting side to the more ominous tension of the missing girl, Joy.

Developmentally my critism would be that whilst the narrative flows at a steady pace, it seems to me a little slow at times for a thriller so it might be worth looking at this in your next edit if you think useful.

An enjoyable read, so i've shelved it :-)

Best wishes
Lorelli (The Man Whisperer)

Through the next three chapters you show us how Carla feels about her departed Mum, we see more of her relationship with her sister and her Dad, and the beginnings of school. You hint of the story to come, but with the amount currently uploaded it's difficult to comment on the storyline, but you've set up the characters and their relationships well, and have shown the environment that the story unfolds within.

anthonysaunders wrote 1345 days ago

This is good, Holly. The relationship between the girls is very alive and your dialogue has that crispness which I like. Your style has immediacy and intimacy which make me as the reader feel that I am there with them. I think you will rise high in the charts with this. You have another shelf.

Sweet Empress wrote 1345 days ago

WOW, I read only the first chapter. I love, how you say bloody ha, and I love the name Nadia. I have a Nadia in my book.
KC
The Mysterious Legend of Vladimir

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