The Silver Tower

Thank you, Luciana. Much appreciated!

I haven't had time to read much, but I was captivated by the first sentence alone. I'm looking forward to reading more as I really like your writing style. This is in my watch list.

Luciana
Burning Angel

I haven't had time to read much, but I was captivated by the first sentence alone. I'm looking forward to reading more as I really like your writing style. This is in my watch list.

Luciana
Burning Angel

Thank you, silver-gypsy!

Wow. VERY nicely written. Done in a passive voice which isn't used ofted, but the action and intrigue is enough to keep me reading. I read through 5 chapters in one sitting... that's some sort of record for me! :) Very good. Shelved, and good luck with it.

Nichole
The Spinner's Apprentice

Wow. VERY nicely written. Done in a passive voice which isn't used ofted, but the action and intrigue is enough to keep me reading. I read through 5 chapters in one sitting... that's some sort of record for me! :) Very good. Shelved, and good luck with it.

Nichole
The Spinner's Apprentice

THE SILVER TOWER

Very nicely written, love the narrator's voice. Pleased to back it.

J&M Jensen
(Graemor)

PS: If you get a moment perhaps you could have a look at ours. All comments /backing gratefully received.

Hi

I thought that this book was a lovely read. Just the right amount of fantasy mixed in with the right amount of attitude from your heroine. Saran is a great character that I think young girls and girls in to their teens will really like and be able to admire. I like that she can control people with her mind especially men, this is something that I particularly would like my step daughters to read about!
I think this will do well and I wish you luck.
Sarah. T-cup and The Dream Team Fairies

Dear Ms Langley,

This is a great quick read, with good action, a fine MC, and, wonder of wonders, actually some important ideas to discuss! It will be a seller in the older YA market, (Only because it's a bit bloodthirsty for younger kids).

However, the YA becomes a problem, because of your writing style. In the first eight paragraphs,there are three simple sentences. Your paragraphs are a uniform 4 or 5 sentences long, each sentence being 25 words or more. Your grammar and sentence structure are great, but this kind of format will not attract young readers. They take one look at a page like this, and they put the book down.

Second problem, but on the same topic, your first chapter is almost all telling: backstory, description, etc. No action, no dialogue. If you want to know what good YA writing looks like, check out the opening of Ch 2, where she persuades Ervine to rescue her. Short, brisk, paragraphs, with a carefully chosen variety of short and long sentences. That will sell books :-)

On another topic, be careful of your facts, real and plotline. Wood takes years to rot, not days. Heros who seem to be able to find bottomless reserves of strength, in spite having neither food nor water for days, remind me of old cowboy movies, where the hero's gun never runs out of bullets. Especially since all she had to do was wait for tomorrow's delivery, and she presumably had all the food she hadn't eaten for the past few days.

When the soldiers capture them, it seems like Renoult only takes her along on a whim, as if he doesn't know who she is. Then later we discover that he must know who she is because of her criminal past. Stories tend to grow and develop as they progress, and you have to go back and rewrite history sometimes to make it match.

You don't throw yourself off a balcony, holding three stories worth of rope in your hand. You would never be able to hold onto the rope when you hit the end. Also, the part where he lets go of her, and the breath is knocked out of her (by what?) and then she manages to grab the sheets and slide to the ground (burning her hands from the friction).

"A sulphur bomb. They only come from the north" Whose knowledge is this?

The execution and battle scene is your best writing. It's almost as if you got better as you went along. I think you have to go back and apply some of your new ability to the first few chapters.

I'm happy to back this, because I think it has real potential,

Gordon Long

"…Kitten?"

What a delightful heroine. I would continue reading to find out why she was being held captive. I love that she isn't dressed in "girlie" clothes--makes me wonder about her past and that she comes up with her own plan of escape. It is a tad convenient about Ervine coming along at that moment and having what she needs to really escape, though.

The pacing in the first chapters is well balanced, always good to end the chapters on a cliff-hanger moment.

I agree with Andrew about that second paragragh--don't tell your readers what the story isn't, let themsee it unfold and "get" it themselves.

Just some thoughts that I hope help.

I love strong heroines. Saran rocks.

Hi Kim,

Thanks so much for your review! Your comments were really lovely and encouraging. Many thanks for taking the time to have a look at my writing, and best wishes for your own endeavours =)

Hi SR!

Your writing style and tone gives this piece the feel of an old classic... I think you've done a great job at achieving the fable-style fairy tale you were striving for here - great job!

As always, I find myself enjoying yet another YA piece here. Saran is a beautiful name, and you've crafted her character well - the kids will definitely love reading about her. I love that this is completely uploaded - it may just be the next book I read to my daughter at bedtime! Thanks for the material!!! Shelved.

Kim
Invisible Justice

Hi Jackie,

Thanks so much for your thoughtful and detailed comment. You've pointed out some really valuable observations and I will definitely work some of your suggestions into my next edit. In particular I think I'll try to consider my target audience and rework the structure and length of the chapters. Many thanks again for taking the time to have a read! Much, much appreciated =)

The Silver Tower

Hi SR,

Looks like I'm the first to comment, welcome to Authonomy. First, I like the great magisterial sweep of the story arc, fable-like as you say. Intriguing situation that Saran finds herself in. You write well, clear and interesting sentences with a creative flare for description. This packets of sensation, the initial descriptions of the tower for example, are interesting and cleverly written. And this leads us to the first of my suggestions; great though your metaphors and similes are there are too many of them sometimes. In the first paragraph with the description of the tower you must have put it across to us in about five different ways. It is a blade stabbing, a giant's finger, a piece of mirror twirling, flashing fistfuls of diamonds. All great hooks to get your mind around it, so you can better envisage for the reader, but in the next edit I think you should cut them down and settle on perhaps only two, weighty descriptions that convey its majesty to us. Finger, blade, mirror or diamonds...there plenty to choose from. And this is great, shows your versatility as a writer and your creativity, descriptions are our bread and butter after all and it is good to have a developed repertoire.

My other suggestion is to not tell but show us Saran's plight. The intrusive narrator speaks to us in the first few paragraphs, telling us what is not happening. This is not Rapunzel, I think you should just start with Saran, in her tower, looking out, straight into the action. A good bit of advice I read recently was start at chapter two of your book, straight into the action. But these are just suggestions, the writing is good, interesting and the predicament of the main character interesting. Definitely backed.

I would be interested in your thoughts on my book. Best wishes and good luck

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)