Book Jacket

 

rank 5914
word count 18259
date submitted 17.10.2009
date updated 19.10.2009
genres: Fiction, Popular Culture
classification: universal
incomplete

The Devil Smokes Dunhill

Nick van der Leek

The media is mad.

 

The mainstream media from the inside, is a cesspool of insecure misfits, and courtyard keepers. Everyone suffers from chronic attention deficit disorder. Everyone is addicted to something. Words are their weapons of choice, life an after-thought, terminal diseases - especially cancers, tumors and anal brown-nosing - a certainty. Nick van der Leek, in this brilliant satire, uncovers the real story behind who and what makes the media, and suggests we stop caring. The folks who work tirelessly behind the scenes, splattering bullshit on the front pages of newspapers - the sub-editors, journalists [suckers], the cubicle slaves and other subhuman characters - do they know what they're doing? In a word: Hell no.
We live in a world where the news today is indistinguishable from spam, and spam [according to Wikipedia]'provides very little in terms of vitamins and minerals...it has been listed as a food that is a poor choice for weight loss and optimum health and as a food that "is high in saturated fat and sodium".' The news, the people responsible for writing it, editing it and stupid enough to read it get skewered in this devilish yarn.

 
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Chapters

15

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Stepping Over The Red Line

Inside Enemy Lines

 

You ever beat off in the shower, Brian? Ever have any homosexual thoughts?
 
Robert, I really don't think that's...
 
None of my fucking business, you're damn right it's not. – from Enemy of the State

I suddenly realise he is really angry.  My work has no relevance to his brand or position, but he is very perturbed about something.

Tweetie is scribbling with a pencil in a notebook, but not words.  Tweetie seems not keen to make eye contact with anyone, least of all me.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Be quiet Mr. van der Leek.  I am talking.  You will get your turn.  What do you do at this company?"

I'm guessing since I've been told to shutup I should shutup…

It's the correct assumption, because he continues a moment later.  "You are not a movie reviewer, Mr. van der Leek.  Is that correct Esther?"

"I've told Nick this on numerous occasions, in fact -."

"Thank you.  So I have this email here and this is what you've written: Personally I am appalled at the lack of involvement from our own brands and the flagrant disregard for one of our own products. Do you remember that?"

"I do."

"I am speaking!  Now as a result of this letter the heads of departments have been at each other's throats.  This has gone to the highest levels.  Can you explain why?  Can you explain why you have written this?"

I glance from him to The Devil.  For the first time, she resembles Gollum.  Her features have a dull leathery grey appearance now, and her eyes seem to have expanded.  You know how one's pupils dilate when you're in love; well hers are like that, except the irises are bigger too.  Very Gollum like.  I can swear she looked…happy.

He begins to read another paragraph: "I also wonder why the Black Sweater and The Express movie pages are so under-developed?  I have made recommendations, but thus far, for the Black Sweater especially, there is no dedicated section for movies."

He glares at me.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?  Are you an editor?  Are you the editor of Black Sweater?"

"I am," The Devil says.

She's the idiot.

"Mr. van der Leek I asked you a question?"

"Oh, I thought she had answered it.  Er…no I am not the editor."

"Are you the editor of The Express?"

"No."

"And you've written here asking tha-."

"I know what I wrote.  I wrote it after all.  I don't need to have it read back to me.  And I don't think a single sentence that I wrote was untrue."

"Personally I am appalled at the lack of involvement from our own brands and the flagrant disregard for one of our own products.  What do you have to say about that?"

He glares at me, daring me to say something.  But I'm onto his game.  If I say something it sends him off on the next rant, plus he gets to say I am talking or something.

He glares and I glance at Tweetie, The Devil and back to him.  I wonder whether I should look at my watch.

"And here is a letter from a citizen reporter saying that you harassed her, that you gave them company secrets, that you're a vegetarian.  Is any of this true?"

Tweetie is drawing a picture of a vegetable.  It looks like broccoli.

The Devil is nodding, big eyes blinking, sharp teeth visible through her salivating mouth.

"And then there's a complaint from a competition sponsor.  What do you have to say about THAT?"

I wait for a few moments.

"Would you like me to speak?"

Glare.

I shift in my chair and dip my nose in the direction of the email he has printed out. "Well, the citizen reporter is exaggerating when she says I harassed her.  She made some slanderous remarks about our brand on a blog, and then on one of our blogs she didn't approve that I had said I was concerned about this.  So we were conducting a conversation on a blog, and wanting to resolve it, I phoned her up.  It was a Sunday and I had been at work for 2 hours, and instead of me typing a comment and then waiting for her to, which we had been doing for a few minutes, I thought we could talk about it and sort it out."

"So you admit to this harassment.  You phoned her private number."

"Well, we had been emailing on a number of occasions and I thought we were on fairly familiar terms. So I don't think phoning her was a big leap, no."

"Did you sleep with this person?"

Did I sleep with this person?  Are you fucking deranged?

"In sum, your allegations – if your allegations are her allegations –  are a bit cooked up.  The fact that she implies that I thought one of the publications would be closing down is conjecture from her side. It's a baiting ploy.   In any event, Joe was sitting right behind me on Sunday.  There was nothing irregular about our conversation, other than the fact that she took hysterical offence at having herself pointed out for a mistake. Ironically, a week earlier she had emailed every single team member to ask us to change a mistake one of us had made, and wanted apologies all round.  So we're not talking about a very balanced individual."

"But you do admit to calling this person."

"Frankly I am surprised I didn't get a little backup from my colleagues," I say, not looking at The Devil.  "I mean, isn't it a priority to the company if someone is slandering one of our brands, calling us lazy?  I mean, one of us made an error, we fixed it, but during the period that the error came into existence, she threw a tantrum and posted nasty comments on the internet.  It's only fair, once we've fixed the error – and all it was was a comment falsely attributed to her – it's only fair once we make the change, you can acknowledge that.  And if you can't, well, fine."

"Did you make this error of attribution?"

"No, I'm not involved in posting letters and comments on the site."

"It was either Jack or Samantha, but as I recall it wasn't a serious oversight," The Devil said.

"This is making a mountain of a molehill."

"Mr van der Leek do you think I am interested in what you have to say?  From now on you will not involve yourself on blogs, or on facebook.  You will not liase with anyone, either within or outside of the company.  And you will ask for permission for any story you wish to write.  Did you know that you need our permission to publish your writing?"

"It hasn't been raised until now, but I have made some casual references to what I have been doing."

"Mr van der Leek I am not interested in your opinion or anything you have to say.  You are not important.  And neither is your blog.  Have you read our policy on blogs?"

"My blog existed before I came to work at this company, and I never blog about work, so I am not sure how this is any of your concern."

"Blogs are a concern."

With your fucked up attitude I'm sure they are.

“And I have copies of some things you have written on your blog, Mr. van der Leek.

And he began to read…”

While some have raised salient points about the legality of the particular disclosure involved the bottom line, as I see it, lies not in the technical details of what was said. It is the obvious ethos, the sentiment underlying all that Kerzner wrote. 

As he reads his mothy eyebrows swoop and squat.  A python begins to curl around my abdomen.  He’s referring to some comments I posted about Herbert Kerzner, a sub editor that got kicked out of the building for writing something on a blog.  My comments are ironic given that Kerzner worked for Black Sweater, and the print aspect of Black Sweater have treated the word ‘blog’ as a swear word ever since. This man making reference to my blog, I realise, is the corporate equivalent of pulling out a shotgun and laying it across his crossed legs. 

I cannot shake the growing sense of doom.  This guy is so pissed off, he has scoured everything – emails, the internet, everything I have ever said – to settle the score on the NU Tube Embarassment. And this, quoting my comments and thoughts from my own blog – there is nothing funny about this.  I find it in the sort of bad taste that a schoolgirl experiences (I imagine) when she gives her first blow job.  It reminds me of some film, Enemy of the State I think, where Will Smith asks his interrogator if he ever masturbates, if he ever has homosexual thoughts.  His interrogator is about to vehemently respond when Smith yells “BECAUSE IT’S NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS.”

It is quite obvious that Kerzner’s unfortunate post contains a high level of bitterness. Many nasty resentments are unfortunately expressed towards his workplace.
 

 
Publishing so many unhappy sentiments on a rival publications’ blog is – for the lack of a better word – a disreputable thing to do. This is the word the hearing uses, and it is appropriate, for indeed Kerzner’s musings are by turns disgraceful, scandalous and even seedy. Would he really say these sorts of things openly over a lunch table with his boss? The ‘animal farm’ references irk, and one can imagine management feeling stung by the excessive vitriol invested by the writer.

I look over to The Devil.  The flat-chested bitch has crossed her legs and is rocking slowly too and fro likes she’s holding back an organsm.
 

 
As someone who actively blogs, I would naturally be drawn towards sympathizing with Kerzner…

Those dark eyebrows lift. He waves the printout at me saying nothing, but through the gesture he’s saying: You’re in a lot of trouble.  Anything to declare?

"Well, I won't be writing about this meeting on my blog,” I say, conscious how my demeanour, and my voice, is almost pleading.  Part of me hates myself.  “I don't blog about work, as a rule."

His eyebrows soften.  

“Mr. van der Leek you seem like a sensible person.  Well, there’s one person who says some sensible, I’d even say intelligent things.  And then there is this other person.”

Now he sounds like Agent Smith in the Matrix.

Agent Smith: It seems that you've been living two lives. One life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company. You have a social security number, pay your taxes, and you... help your landlady carry out her garbage. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias "Neo" and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not. He was like a balloon that was slowly deflating.

"Can I ask you a question: Is this a warning?"

"No, it's a discussion.  We're just discussing a few things."

The Devil who had changed color to a happy Gollum-like upgrade of her former self, now chameleons from pale grey back to contaminated nicotine yellow, her eyes sink in her head, going from icy blue to puke green,  swivelling behind two scheming slits.  Blood drains from her lips, turning them purple. She is back to her old self.

Goosen glances at Tweetie.  "You've made notes?"

I see it is a cauliflower, not a broccoli, and there is a small face, a clown's face, under the cauliflower hair.  Tweetie nods, covering the doodle with the pencil-less hand.

"I will draw up a document for Nick to sign, based on what was said at this meeting," The Devil offers helpfully.

"That's okay, Esther," he says, stands up and leaves the room.

I raise my eyebrows, staring at the vacated chair in front of me.  Some of that monologue is still echoing in my frontal lobe.

I don't care what you think.  I'm not interested in your opinion.  And this company is not a democracy.  

If you're saying you don't care what I think, you obviously do care.  Why else would a nobody like me be worth talking to by a Somebody like yourself. Why else would be doing all this Research on me, fucking trawling through my blog for Christ’s sake.

I drift on the series of escalators strangely pleased with myself, while the upper reaches of the building grows dark.  The Devil is sitting by herself in the room in a Black Mood.  

I step into the newsroom.

'HA HA HA."

But that wasn't the last laugh.  Not by a long shot.

 

Chapters

15

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Caroline Hartman wrote 1185 days ago

Nick, Good luck with The Devil Smokes Dunhill. I read three chapters. I'm either too obtuse, too dumb, or too old to get this. Sorry. I'm sure someone less obtuse, smarter, and younger will make sense of this.
Caroline

Nick VDL wrote 1185 days ago

The Devil Smokes Dunhill is deliberately weird, and opens with what purports to be some sort of metaphysical debate. God - are you there? Apparently so, because C2 tells me He has a sick sense of humour - but who wouldn't after flushing out all that human excrement? I guess I'm a loser, though, because reading this feels Like Ogling Someone Evidently Retarded. Sorry - couldn't resist that one!
Seriously, though - this might well appeal to some readers, but it's too way out for me. I'm sure you had lots of fun writing it, but I can't figure out what you are hoping your readers will get from it. All the best anyway.


You're right, I probably need to be quite clear from the word go that this is a rant against the media. And an attempt to poke them in the eye with a book.

Nick VDL wrote 1185 days ago

The Devil Smokes Dunhill

Hi Nick,

This works well, a controlled (and sometimes uncontrolled) stream of consciousness rant against the scrouge of modern media. That there are such two dimensional folk out there, plying the world with the rubbish you suggest surprises me not a jot. I like the way your writing tries to capture it, an interesting and very unique narrative voice that manages to somehow vent spleen from the very first line and for the four chapters I read here. Bullying seems to have been a daily occurrence, but it is the trashy and shallow motives that are perhaps the most awful things that you expose. Cynicism is, as you say in your pitch, a cancer, chewing up the world, it is in our heads and we want nothing more than to have our view that the world is shit confirmed by the media and they of course obligingly comply with this by offering us stories that focus on exactly this. The range and pitch of your anger and irritation is well judged, I was rooting for you. Strong writing, classic and individual, wouldn't this make a good movie? Well done for the work so far, will shelve this for a while to help out. If you have the time to pop and peak at my book you have no idea how helpful that would be.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)



Thanks very much for your comment Andrew, astute I think, and encouraging.

Bob Steele wrote 1732 days ago

The Devil Smokes Dunhill is deliberately weird, and opens with what purports to be some sort of metaphysical debate. God - are you there? Apparently so, because C2 tells me He has a sick sense of humour - but who wouldn't after flushing out all that human excrement? I guess I'm a loser, though, because reading this feels Like Ogling Someone Evidently Retarded. Sorry - couldn't resist that one!
Seriously, though - this might well appeal to some readers, but it's too way out for me. I'm sure you had lots of fun writing it, but I can't figure out what you are hoping your readers will get from it. All the best anyway.

Andrew W. wrote 1742 days ago

The Devil Smokes Dunhill

Hi Nick,

This works well, a controlled (and sometimes uncontrolled) stream of consciousness rant against the scrouge of modern media. That there are such two dimensional folk out there, plying the world with the rubbish you suggest surprises me not a jot. I like the way your writing tries to capture it, an interesting and very unique narrative voice that manages to somehow vent spleen from the very first line and for the four chapters I read here. Bullying seems to have been a daily occurrence, but it is the trashy and shallow motives that are perhaps the most awful things that you expose. Cynicism is, as you say in your pitch, a cancer, chewing up the world, it is in our heads and we want nothing more than to have our view that the world is shit confirmed by the media and they of course obligingly comply with this by offering us stories that focus on exactly this. The range and pitch of your anger and irritation is well judged, I was rooting for you. Strong writing, classic and individual, wouldn't this make a good movie? Well done for the work so far, will shelve this for a while to help out. If you have the time to pop and peak at my book you have no idea how helpful that would be.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Nick VDL wrote 1744 days ago

Chapter 10 and 11

I would think a total rewrite of an article that was already written negates the work effort. It is one thing to edit or proof but a complete rewrite of an article that you (who I believe could competently write an article) does not make sense to me.

Julie



The idea was to humiliate me and to discourage further effort. It was also to clearly establish that anything that would get written had to go through the gateway of the all knowing, all seeing, always right editor. Yes, it had nothing to do with how good or relevant or effective the copy was. It had everything to do with the editor protecting her territory under the guise of 'serving the brand'. She quite obviously was serving herself, protecting her position.

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 12

I don't understand why you can't at least find a writing mentor in this environment. Is there no one who can take you under their wing and nurture you or become an a intellectual allie to you.

Julie

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 10 and 11

I would think a total rewrite of an article that was already written negates the work effort. It is one thing to edit or proof but a complete rewrite of an article that you (who I believe could competently write an article) does not make sense to me.

Julie

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 9

Nick you have initiative and guts all the virtues that are usually revered in the USA. I find this very interesting your life has been rather like a gypsy going from one occupation to another but you should really try to publish your writing. If you want to write screenplays take a class. UCLA (Univ. of Cal Los Angeles) has an online screenwriting class. I hope to take this class sometime in the next 2 years. You said in your profile you have many projects. I would concentrate on one project (novel or screenplay) and give it all my attention and talent and see what happens. You have talent.

Julie

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 7 and 8

What a shame you couldn't photograph Ms. World contestants. Since you manage data I imagine you could get a job anywhere in the world. I am definitely for your plan to move on. You need to try the USA.

Julie

mikegilli wrote 1745 days ago

backed............brilliant exposure of a modern work experience.
I suppose you realize this site is Murdoch's pet?
I see that i reality you're freelance, so hopefully you don't
personally suffer like your hero.
All the best with this. It probably needs a more developed
storyline to go with the excellent.characters.......Mikey (The Free)

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 5 and 6

Your devil boss makes any boss or office manager of mine look like Jesus Christ. I don't know why a writer is having to do clerical work of creating databases from emails for a year couldn't that be delegated out to support staff. Your boss is keeping you down because she is probably very insecure about her own talent as an editor/writer and fears you could possibly usurp her in talent, intelligence and congeniality. Come to the US. Will read more tomorrow. You are a gifted writer!

Julie

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 4

Nick it sounds as if you are a student of life and you should have directed your career into writing in the very beginning. I know how stagnating it can be when you are not surrounded by people as intelligent as yourself or more intelligent its like a suicide of living with someone you don't love.

Julie

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 3

I worked at a Newspaper in 1996 in Kansas City, MO USA The Kansas City Star and unlike your experience I would have to say it was the only job I ever had that actually liked my intelligence. I worked in Classified Advertising and was even given an award. It was also the only job I ever held that I was drug tested for and I must say I was impressed by the caliber of non-druggy people who worked there. If you moved to the US Nick I am sure there would be a Media company or Newspaper that would WELCOME your talent. Your boss sounds like a horror show what a tyrant.

Julie

ergi1120 wrote 1745 days ago

Chapter 1 and 2

Your observations of life, luck and good an bad fortune are so true. You either excel and are happy in work and the personal life is a shit or work is shit and the personal life is all that keeps you afloat. I know you are a writer Nick and you can write very well. I don't know why a boss would not want to nurture its staff with positive kudos or at lease constructive critique. I think the devil boss is jealous (There are those who write and there are those who oversee writers, sounds like your boss is the overseer who is in the business of whipping all self esteem and confidence out of their talented staff.

Julie

soutexmex wrote 1746 days ago

I read the first three chapters which is normally more than I usually read. But it wasn't until the third chapter that I felt this became somewhat normal from the obtuse beginning. This is kind of mash-up of 'How To Lose Friends' and 'The Devil Wears Prada' with a bit of Tom Wolfe thrown in.

I know what you are getting at and that's commendable. But the format may be a bit more user friendly. Keep those paragraphs short. Satire needs to be breezy.

Short pitch? Brilliant
Long pitch? Disaster

You are selling this thing in your pitches. Had I been a casual reader, I may have not stuck around. Check out my pitches in how I positioned my sales pitch to grab the casual reader.

I do like what you have here, the gist of it, and because of that I am SHELVING.

Do look forward to your comments on my book. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

soutexmex wrote 1746 days ago

Before I read, just a suggestion: you may wanna not answer comments here in the comment section, you may wanna send that person a message directly instead as a reply. Better chance of them reading it as most people will not return to see your response.

Kolro wrote 1746 days ago

Holy macaroons this is certainly an odd read. The conversational style, exclamations and flickering, somewhat jumpy narration were all things I loved. I wasn't so hot on the movie quotations but they did make me warm enormously to Nick so maybe that's their intention. There were parts in this that made me laugh- 'moth in a urinal' being one. I'm gonna shelve this because I want more authonomites to see it. I see it getting a great following.

Nick VDL wrote 1746 days ago

Nick
Fantastic pitch, but please don’t quote Wickipedia. – use a more respected source e.g. the Oxford Dictionary.
Great cover – but you know what I’d like to see, just to add the icing on the cake? The cigarettes in the shape of a point-down pentagram. Just a thought.
Right then, this prose has great voice. It’s very accessible and easy to read. The opening chapter is intriguing and more than enough to keep a reader interested and wanting to read more. I appreciate the Smith/Neo reference and reckon this is a great chapter ending.
Just a few typos I’m unsure about, but it could be a US/UK thing, so have someone better qualified to give it a read.
A book I recommend to most people is ‘Self-Editing for Fiction Writers’ (Browne & King) – it’s a worthy addition to any fiction writers library.
Shelved!
David
Green Ore


Thanks David. You've hit on some details that have missed the radar so far.

DMC wrote 1747 days ago

Nick
Fantastic pitch, but please don’t quote Wickipedia. – use a more respected source e.g. the Oxford Dictionary.
Great cover – but you know what I’d like to see, just to add the icing on the cake? The cigarettes in the shape of a point-down pentagram. Just a thought.
Right then, this prose has great voice. It’s very accessible and easy to read. The opening chapter is intriguing and more than enough to keep a reader interested and wanting to read more. I appreciate the Smith/Neo reference and reckon this is a great chapter ending.
Just a few typos I’m unsure about, but it could be a US/UK thing, so have someone better qualified to give it a read.
A book I recommend to most people is ‘Self-Editing for Fiction Writers’ (Browne & King) – it’s a worthy addition to any fiction writers library.
Shelved!
David
Green Ore

Nick VDL wrote 1747 days ago

@ KJ Some super advice, and some great kicks in the pants. Thanks. Keep 'em coming.

Nick VDL wrote 1747 days ago

Wow, this is some great stuff so far! There is such style in the narration. There is a lot of appeal in what I have read so far, so I'm giving it a shot on my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"



Thanks L.Anne. I'm about 2/3rds through writing the whole fucker, and these comments are very encouraging. Possibly too positive. I need to pursue the depths of despair to find the dark, funny, dystopian irony. Is there something on my back...that says KICK ME?

TheLoriC wrote 1747 days ago

Wow, this is some great stuff so far! There is such style in the narration. There is a lot of appeal in what I have read so far, so I'm giving it a shot on my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

KJKron wrote 1747 days ago

This is different than a typical piece because the narrator is such a character. It reminds me a bit of Vonnegut or Kundrea insofar as there is that feel that the narrator is speaking to you. I actually love that style. I like the allusions (some stated, some not) to movies, books, etc. There's something charming, inviting about the narrator that makes me want to read on. The way it's written, it sounds / feels like I'm having a conversation witht he narrator. If there is one bit of advice I'd give, I'd beg you not to be apologetic. Examples - "I hope you don't mind me diving into movies..." Cut that line. In the next line you explain you do that - take out the pronoun in that sentence because you'll need more clarity. Also in chapter three you say - "If you've gotten this far..." It's like you're apologizing to the reader who reads that far. Don't be silly - what you have is good. You should EXPECT the reader to get that far. There were a couple of others, but I didn't write them down. I'm really enjoying this - don't make me feel like I shouldn't be. And of course I've got to love someone who goes after the whole God thing - the reflective quality of your narrator has hooked me. Well done. Shelved.

Nick VDL wrote 1747 days ago

Hi Nick, Read the first two chapters and then jumped to chapter sixteen.

Steve Ward has put into words my observations on the firt two chapters, In chapter 16 the style appears more conventional as your MC struggles on with his corporate life. It is difficut to pick up on the story by picking a random chapter. I can relate to the scene where Tranquility is robbed and beaten. I have lived in Brasil for a number of years and such occurences fail to raise an eyebrow as they are so common. I would assume it is the same in South Africa. Your MC seems to accept it as the norm, as he carries on with his routine. Not sure how this would relate to someone from say England, where such an occurence would create paranoia. I would be inclined to try and get this over to the reader somehow.

I really like this and the downtrodden loser aspect, as something many people can relate to. I hope he evntuallycomes out on top.

Shelved with pleasure for the balls you have had in using your chosen style in the opening chaters, which I thought quite unique and refreshing

shelved
Derek
thedarkside@edating



Hi Derek

Thanks for the feedback. Interestingly chapter 16 is a slight diversion from the the rest of the cubicle slave drama, but I wanted to show that beyond the office the madness continues...in fact his whole life is mad and filled with melodrama. Someone said they didn't like the Tranquillity aspect as it was so conventional, but as you say, it paints a picture of this 'loser' existence, someone kicking their foot endlessly against the flat tyre of their world. Thanks Aagian for your thoughts, much appreciated.

Steve Ward wrote 1748 days ago

Nick,
Okay this is a little different ! Zany, off the wall, no, I'm at a loss for words but genius comes in many forms. Wow, too many characters for me to track but then again it is happy hour. Nick you have a very creative and energetic mind and you are creating something here that is outside of the box, so I don't feel qualified to suggest changes. You have a lot of great lines here like: The Devil sucks the flame through the cigarette of life. . . and The machine ratatatatat of her fingers on the keyboard sometimes sounds like a machine gun (that's how mine sound now.). I will give you and A+ for originality. Fun read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Nick VDL wrote 1748 days ago

Nick, you're not a writer. Give up! NO NO don't do that! I'm only joking.

This is slightly fucked up material, but at the same time there is plenty to like about it. For a start, it's originalish. The voice is definitely one of a kind, and thirdly, I'd like to see what all the ***expert authonomists*** have to say about it. It's kind of weird and wonderful and for all my sins, I quite like it.
Best wishes
Sue


Sue you really had me going there. Felt the temperature rise for a second. I think the subject of writing and the struggle is a story almost everyone can identify with. It's an almost invisible struggle, but real nonetheless, and yes VERY FUCKED UP!

Nick VDL wrote 1748 days ago

I've read the three chapters and I do like this book. I had no trouble reading along and following the plot line.
I want to read what happens next with Nick.


Thanks Strayer. I've got more...will put it up. Need me to read any of yours...?

DMC wrote 1748 days ago

This is a great pitch. On my watch list and I'll leave some comments when I've read more...
David
Green Ore

LittleDevil wrote 1748 days ago

Nick, you're not a writer. Give up! NO NO don't do that! I'm only joking.

This is slightly fucked up material, but at the same time there is plenty to like about it. For a start, it's originalish. The voice is definitely one of a kind, and thirdly, I'd like to see what all the ***expert authonomists*** have to say about it. It's kind of weird and wonderful and for all my sins, I quite like it.
Best wishes
Sue

Strayer wrote 1748 days ago

I've read the three chapters and I do like this book. I had no trouble reading along and following the plot line.
I want to read what happens next with Nick.

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