The Messenger: Book One of the Dark Faery Trilogy

Hi Tara,

Most of what I would say about this has already been said and I try to avoid being a repetitive echo.

What I will say is that there is great potential here, and enough to hook a reader in and keep them reading. What I would ask you to do is maybe step outside of your box, completely ignore your work for a few weeks, try to think nothing about it, and then return with a fresh pair of eyes and ask yourself why you would buy it, what you like as a reader, and tailor to those tastes.

Backed.

Bobby
Dented Sensation

Hi Tara, this is a gripping read, the prologue is good but I agree with the comment below, don't be too obvious about the servant being and assassin just elude to it. The next chapter is interesting, I like Raigon and Sephia and their dialogue is really strong, it really gives a good idea of something big in the past between these two, I was confused earlier in the chapter when she enters the room and while everything stops and she is clearly beautiful, Raigon says (or thinks) that to say anyone found her attractive was amusing and then you wen ton to describe her ragged appearance. This paragraph threw me as I wasn't sure if she was or was not attractive or if Raigon just didn't find her attractive. Anyway it's just a small point but it threw me for a bit and pulled my mind from the story. Its a really good read and I enjoyed it, it's on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

In the prologue, it took me awhile to understand by "counterfeit lady servant", you meant she was an assassin. Personally, rather than tell us she is an imposter, I would just show this through her words, thoughts and actions-- the poisoning of the wine is enough evidence for the reader to figure it out.

Otherwise, I like this story and I think your characters are interesting and believable. I believe this has a lot of potential. Backed.

Very catchy...loved the first paragraph...it completely hooked me in! You develop the characters well....Wish I was like Sepia...walk into a room and everyone looks haha....
Really enjoyed what I have read so far...looking forward to reading more. :)

i love books with strong heroines and your book shows how well that can be done.

sepia is a great character, a mix of cruelty, seductiveness and power.

this reads seductively too, entertaining yet unsettling.

great stuff, i'm happy to back this.

freddie
("honour")

Hi Tara,

Somewhere in my Authonomy meanderings, I came across your book and popped it on my watch list. I had a moment today and decided to give it a proper look. What an unexpected, but excellent way to start off the story - the overwrought melodramatic queen provided a bit of levity, while there were still enough ominous undertones to hook us. I do agree with the other commenters before me that there is still a bit of polishing to be done, but you've got the makings of a very interesting and well-paced adventure here - as a bonus, you write about some of my favorite things! Shelved!

~ Traci
Tangled Web

Tara,

I read the first two chapters and thoroughly enjoyed them. The characters are engaging and the plot was interesting. I particularly liked the tavern feel. This is good, old fashioned fantasy without all the vampires and other gimicks. Bravo!

A few mistakes -- second to last paragraph in the second chapter, "I know why you('re) here." I also noticed you shifted POV from the man to the woman towards the end of chapter 2. Stay in the man's and don't head jump.

On my shelf,

ML

This is very well trodden territory light on originality and heavy with hysterical old queens (bit like a Friday night in a Soho drag club). Clearly you can write... but why not try something that will stretch your craft? Just does nothing at all for me...Sorry.

This has a brilliant pitch, and I think the book is well written and potentially very funny, for that reason I am backing it, But the prologue is in my opinion a mistake. It tries far too hard to be funny by making everything ridiculous. Comedy is about leading the reader along with as much truthful 'authentic' detail as possible, and then throwing in something that is utterly wierd.

In me you have a captive audience, love faery storys, this is well done, kept my head down for much longer than I ment to read. This is very much like the old fashioned fantasy faery storys, I mean this as a complement. Well pleased to have this on my shelf.

The Messenger

Hi Tara,

What an impressive and accomplished beginning, we are given a taste of the faery queen's rage as a good scene-setter on what is to follow. I loved your first chapter, atmospheric, you place us in this world of your own fashioning, it is powerfully well envisaged. I think in that first paragraph of chapter one your description suffers a little from repetition as you try to convey the detail of the scene to us but this is nothing that cannot be resolved by a read out loud line edit that will make it clear to you which bits can go and which bits have to stay. An impressive beginning, interesting characters, intriguing hooks and questions for the reader to ponder and chapter one ends very strongly. A real talent for story-telling here and if only I had more time I would read some more, best wishes, I will help this a little later with a bump onto my rotating shelf, best of luck. If you have the time to look at my book you have no idea how completely helpful this would be.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Read the first three of your chapters and was struck by your imaginative descriptions, particularly in setting the Inn surroundings in the mind of the reader. I did find this book interesting, even though it is not my usual genre, as the story looks as though it could move in one of many different directions. The thing about POV (Point of View) mentioned by an earlier commentee is worth some consideration. It took me a while to adjust but I adapted OK. Should you be looking to publish this nov then it's likely a pub will raise this with you - whether you agree with them or not.
Frank

Wonderful, evocative and dramatic to the core. A cracking start to a high fantasy novel. I loved it. I didn't even mind that you shifted POV several times during chapter 2 (something I find myself re-writing as I do it often) because you moved so seamlessly. I'm led to believe that it is bad practice and yet, it felt so right under the circumstances.
You have a gift for the dramatic and it comes across as flair and accomplishment where in other's writing it would fall on its face.
I'm impressed.
I find myself in the uncomfortable position of having to move another writer out of my limited shelf space in order to accomodate you.
This is great stuff, gripping from the beginning, the characters fleshing out so well, the storyline unfolding effortlessly. I can't fault it.

I do like dialogue instead of pages of blah blah

Backed

Kev(catherine wheel alley)

No, Faulkner's prose is dense; mine is wordy and tedious. I do prefer dialogue to description, so I probably should move more quickly to the former. Thanks for both the tips!

Tara

I have read your prologue and first chapter. Really, I only have two criticisms: first, that your chapter is too long. It would probably be fine in book form, but one finds on authonomy that people prefer to read smaller chunks (perhaps between 2,000 and 3,000 words per chapter). I also had to change my chapter length, so you're not alone there. Second, that your prose is sometimes a little dense. The opposite fault is, of course, worse. A sparsely described world doesn't come to life. But at times I felt that this was over-described, which slowed down the pace more than was necessary.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this beginning. As far as I'm concerned, it's good old-fashioned fantasy writing - the busy tavern is a comforting standard to begin with and immediately makes the weathered fantasy-reader (like me) feel right at home. I love your bedazzlingly handsome characters and their quirks, which are already apparent through the lively dialogue. In fact, I thought your dialogue was particularly good (and pretty funny at times) and if anything I wished there was more of it! I especially liked the prologue for its atmosphere of high intrigue and court politics. And poisoned rings! It was like dipping into a fairy-tale - lovely!

Shelved! All best,

Alexandra (Rings and Roses)

Ooooohhhh!! I love it! This is a great story. The characters are rich and the atmoshphere magnificent. I loved it and backed it instantly. I love how Sepia is so unpredictable. Thanks for the good read!

SD Gillen