Book Jacket

 

rank 5846
word count 42281
date submitted 28.10.2009
date updated 02.11.2009
genres: Fiction, Romance, Young Adult, Come...
classification: adult
complete

The Turning Points

AJ Hagrave

Travelling from the present to the past and back again, The Turning Points tells the story of a young man’s seemingly unstoppable descent into madness.

 

1. Ensnare a young, (moderately attractive) innocent, naïve guy.
2. Take him to bed and make sure he thinks I’m on the pill.
3. Fall pregnant.
4. And then?

Was it really a four point plan? And what the hell was the ‘and then’? She couldn’t recall.

Marilyn Jackson has Peter Stanchford in her sights. She has a trap and he is the prey. If he had any common sense, he would run away as fast as his 19 year old, second year university student legs would carry him, for Marilyn is bad news. But Peter doens't have any common sense, in fact he's flattered by her advances. Join Peter as he makes one bad decision after another, failing to cope with young adulthood and all that it throws at him. Set at the dawn of the new century, Peter is more twit than Twitterer, but you just can't help feeling sorry for him.

 
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tags

coma, depression, drugs, emotive, exciting, isle of wight, italy, liverpool, lottery, mental, music, pearl jam, pregnancy, suicide, turmoil, universit...

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11 comments

 

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jasouders wrote 1296 days ago

Excellent job. Shelved. The only problem I have is (and I'm not an expert), but I'm not sure you can say fuck in a YA. Otherwise, great job. Excellent hook. Drew me in from the start.

Sandie Newman wrote 1298 days ago

Excellent cover, also the pitch is good and intriguing. I loved the opening and when I started reading almost thought that he was suffering from an extremely bad back as I have the urge to swear when mine jars. It is funny probably without meaning to be and I quite like the expletives, they make it funner. Excellent writing, shelved instantly.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Urania wrote 1300 days ago

Hi there, I like the premise and pitch, not too sure about that intro chapter - somehow didn't connect to the MC - but then once into chapter two things got interesting. Entertaining, witty and has a good pace to it, although a tad wordy. Suggest you just splice up those far too long paras in chapter two - but otherwise, looks good for your target market. Shelved.

lisawb wrote 1301 days ago

The character of Pete is well built, the writing is entertaining and I wanted to read on which is what it is all about.
An unusual start and quite intense in parts.

Shelved.

ww Lisa ( A Fine Line)

Andrew W. wrote 1301 days ago

The Turning Points

Hi AJ,

This has a strong central narrator and a solid narrative voice, it starts in an interesting place, the first italicized prologue is intriguing and concerning, impelling us to read on. The first chapter proper introduces us to the main character but the pace is a little laboured, nothing that couldn't be solved with a good, solid edit. We do need some of this background, but I don't think we need all of this detail. If Mum and Dad are into M&S and have routine and dull shopping habits much better for us to experience these than be told about them. The bits in parentheses distracted us from the building of the narrative voice so I would ditch those. You have a strong first person narrative here which is intense and interesting and with a careful edit and the breaking up the the long blocks of unparagraphed text you will have a smooth and intriguing read by your next draft. Powerful idea for a story as well, I enjoyed it. Best wishes, if you have the time to look at my book that would be so helpful.

Good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Nisisse wrote 1302 days ago

This is a very interesting novel. It's written in an original style and you can really connect with Pete, the main character. The ending is superb....a real cliff hanger, and it has left me looking forward to the sequel! Very impressed.....10/10 :-)

Jason Rice wrote 1302 days ago

This is great.

LittleDevil wrote 1302 days ago

Backing this for the witty style which kept me wanting to read on. Any chance of breaking up the long paragraph in chapter two? I think British humour is second to none. I completely bonded with the grittyness of the narrative voice.
Good luck and best wishes
Sue
A Boy Called George

Kendall Craig wrote 1302 days ago

You write with an amusing style and I felt that this could have a comedy tag to the genre too. I hope you take that as the compliment it was intended. Although there is a sadness to the prologue it was probably your use of language that has led me to this conclusion. You have a wonderful style which is easy to read and makes you want to explore the story further. I feel that I have invested in your main character Pete and want to know what leads him to this desperate situation - or indeed who!
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

AJHargrave wrote 1302 days ago

Thanks AlleJo for your feedback and kind words.

AlleJo wrote 1303 days ago

I like the writing style, apart from just a few things (like 'yes you guessed it', and 'for argument's sake let's say', and the lengthy introduction by the narrator (not the main character) of the parents). But I think the self introduction gives a negative impression, and the pitch is overplayed; the hype is off-putting.

(A small pitch error: 'pray' instead of 'pray'.)

The writing is over all very engaging and textured, and the voice is fresh and convincing.

Best,
AlleJo

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