Book Jacket

 

rank 4567
word count 12157
date submitted 31.10.2009
date updated 23.06.2012
genres: Chick Lit, Science Fiction, Fantasy...
classification: universal
incomplete

Eliphe Tiny-Wen

Amy Telford

'What!? NO!' I screamed, Captain Windspark was shaking his head and waving goodbye to the masses, the only way to get to him was down...

 

Eliphe Tiny-Wen lives in Ashingtax, a somewhat medieval metropolis, in a world known as Eigdranviel, and the ever impending final year at Akan Revelle Academy has at last come around. Eliphe is moody, dislikes the prospect of schoolwork and finds it hard to accept ideas beyond that of practicality. Her best friend Perciphonè is not a perfect example of ‘moral support,’ but rather a walking-talking blow-up doll.

Everything seems to take a turn for the brighter with the arrival of Captain Windspark, an actor and feared pirate of the skies. He has come to Ashingtax to find a new leading lady. Can Eliphe prove to be his star? With Gigamechs, Dalryders, Marsh Trolls and boys...Eliphe's seemingly normal life is about to enter the unnecessarily exciting...

All comments, edit suggestions and constructive criticism is encouraged!


 
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tags

dragons, eliphe, fantasy, first person, girl, pirates, robots, sci-fi, ships, wings

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50 comments

 

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Famlavan wrote 1474 days ago

Elphe Tiny-Wen

This is an amazing read!!!!!!
I don’t actually think there is a category for this unless they started a brilliant category. Your style of writing really makes this book, quirky, fun, chatty. The book has made my day – I wish you all the luck with this (but I don’t think you’ll need it)

carlashmore wrote 1478 days ago

How can you critique something quite as original as this? I was not only grabbed by your premise but your categorization of something that you describe as sci-fi/chick lit - surely a first. Well, I just found this fascinating - both utterly enjoyable and intelligent.'Scroopledash' is one of the least known adjectives in my vocabulary, but so what? This is fresh, funny and bloody imaginative. Well done. Carl. The Time Hunters

CraigD wrote 1410 days ago

This is written with kind of a wide-eyed cynicism and cheeky wit; nicely done. Some of the phrasing is great ("quiet enough that Edimus didn't notice but loud enough to wake the dead") but in other places it could be tightened up ("could possibly be," "allowing the inevitable to simply be"). Overall the writing really serves the narrative well, and I'm happy to back this for you.
Craig
The Job

SusieGulick wrote 1418 days ago

Dear Ann, I love your darling story - I don't know if I'd like to in it, though. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :)

Su Dan wrote 1418 days ago

the have a very effective, flowing writing style. it works so well for this book...well done..on my watchlist...
SEASONS...

CharlieChuck wrote 1449 days ago

I read the first chapter. This is good, you've got a really good writing 'voice' very original and catchy. I love the word scroopledash, and in general your vocabulary is excellent. This deserves to be a lot higher, a bit of a hidden gem. Good luck with it, backed
Charlie

Marija F.Sullivan wrote 1462 days ago

Very entertaining chic lit. Backed with pleasure,
M (Weekend Chimney Sweep)

Joss64 wrote 1464 days ago

Backed with pleasure! Jocelyn E. Morris (A Bore No More)

lynn clayton wrote 1464 days ago

The most ingenious and inventive book I've read on here. Brilliantly exhuberant. Backed. Lynn

Sheila Belshaw wrote 1464 days ago

ELIPHE TINY-WEN:

Tifa,

A delight. A breath of fresh air. Original. Written with energy, and from the heart, with no inhibitions.

A treat in store for all those Sci-fi, Chick-lit, Fantasy readers, and all the others too.

Backed with the greatest of pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Sheila Belshaw wrote 1464 days ago

ELIPHE TINY-WEN:

Tifa,

A delight. A breath of fresh air. Original. Written with energy, and from the heart, with no inhibitions.

A treat in store for all those Sci-fi, Chick-lit, Fantasy readers, and all the others too.

Backed with the greatest of pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

A Knight wrote 1471 days ago

Elphe,

What can I say? This is great stuff. I don't have any concrit to offer you - the originality eclipsed everything else! You're light-hearted tone of writing makes this an engaging and approachable piece, perfectly done.

Backed.
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules are made to be broken." - Relic

Famlavan wrote 1474 days ago

Elphe Tiny-Wen

This is an amazing read!!!!!!
I don’t actually think there is a category for this unless they started a brilliant category. Your style of writing really makes this book, quirky, fun, chatty. The book has made my day – I wish you all the luck with this (but I don’t think you’ll need it)

snave wrote 1475 days ago

Heres my second look - fantastic - humourous and light and - ey - simply i would buy this book.
Andy
When Sirits Break Free

Wilma1 wrote 1475 days ago

A nice clear pitch folowwed by a good start.I'm not really into fantasy but didnt find this one too distressing. I found lots of humour lurking here and there and enjoed the overall impression I got of the book.
Wilma1- Knowing Liam Riley

Mrs O wrote 1475 days ago

A whitty read with wierd and wonderful goings on. Niecely put together best of luck with it Mrs O

Christina McClean wrote 1477 days ago

After two good books I thought my luck would run out but it certainly didn't. This is a clever funny delightful read and a refreshing change from straightforward sci -fi. I love too many lines to quote - but just one, 'The course head Professor Verivax, is a male chauvinist arse-wipe likend to that of a poisoned chimera hybrid,' It's great!

Backed
Christina
From Under the Bed

Burgio wrote 1477 days ago

This is a good story. Good characters. Good settings. I enjoyed this a lot. I'm adding it to my shelf.Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 1477 days ago

"I sighed, just quiet enough for Edimus not to notice but loud enough to wake the dead."

I LOVE THAT LINE! And there are plenty more that capture the quality of writing here. As you asked for a read of the first three chapters, that's where I focused. You've put together a very engaging story. From your intro on I found that you were able to grab my attention and hold it. A pleasure to read.

Lockjaw

carlashmore wrote 1478 days ago

How can you critique something quite as original as this? I was not only grabbed by your premise but your categorization of something that you describe as sci-fi/chick lit - surely a first. Well, I just found this fascinating - both utterly enjoyable and intelligent.'Scroopledash' is one of the least known adjectives in my vocabulary, but so what? This is fresh, funny and bloody imaginative. Well done. Carl. The Time Hunters

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 1478 days ago

Ok, really much better than ok, it's stupendedidudiously fantasticcatistacially grrrreat. Just wanted to try inventing some words but obviously I can't come close to the wonderful gift of expression employed in this work. Well, "Captain Windspark" a great name among many others, and "Utter scroopledash" is not in my dictionary but I'm writing in into the margin. A most striking attribute of this novel is the high level of excitement generated from perfectly descriptive words and phrases that are presented on every page. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) -- "gromless ... wannabes" and need of an outfit--the words fly like bugletooters.

sjbal wrote 1481 days ago

Hi Amy,
I love the names of the charcters and the language they use. It is almost whimsical but that sounds as if I am doing it an injustice. I really enjoyed reading it and would gladly seek it out in a bookshop. For now though, it will have to reside on my virtual bookshelf.
Best of luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Melcom wrote 1500 days ago

Fantastic MC, well depicted. Unusal having chick-lit and sci-fi genres in the same novel but it works.

Interesting premise that promises much.

Happily shelved

Melxx

lizjrnm wrote 1504 days ago

Chapters 1 and 2 are very well crafted and I found it tough to stop reading - I will return for the rest later but for now all I can say is WOW - what a frigging imagination you have - truly a gift! This book has a little bit of something for everyone in it - would make a great movie - very compelling intriguing read! BACKED 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Pia wrote 1508 days ago

Amy,

Eliphe Tiny-Wen - Level headed, not the girly type, with a brilliantly sharp and witty tongue - your heroine is bound for fame. I love the words invented here ... cloudy up-ness ... breasticles ... and the names of your wonderul characters, faintly echoing some classic ones.
Like Eliphe, you propably give a toss about rules, which I also applaud, but occasionally, when action heats up, you might miss the word 'was' , like - I tumbled - instead of - I was tumbling. Not consistently, it would spoil your unique style. Very enjoyable read. Backed, with pleasure.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Bamboo Promise wrote 1508 days ago

This is a good fantasy book. Somebody else have provided you a feedback already. I am just to let you know your story is sarcastic and funny. Backed with pleasure.

Jim Darcy wrote 1522 days ago

An interesting and, above all, entertaining read. You write as you speak which carries through to the reader in a sing-song voice. A likeable MC, smart and spunky. Younger female readers need good heroines as role models!?
Jim D Serpent's Blood

ps. you do tend to put a comma before the word 'and' when this is not needed as 'and' does the same job.

Francesco wrote 1524 days ago

Sci-Fi Chick-Lit that's just bursting with energy and fun!
Backed.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.

gillyflower wrote 1526 days ago

An unusual book. Eliphe is a very original heroine. Tough, sarcastic, funny, she is also brave and adventurous and clever. An impressive list of qualities, which I know about not because you told us so, but because you show her displaying them. Eliphe is a girl it's a delight to spend time with, although she would probably be amazed to hear that, since she also has a quite low self esteem in terms of relationships. Your settings are very interesting and lively. The picture you give us of the ship arriving and the Captain descending to the dock is dramatic and exciting. Eliphe's flying arrival at ground level is marvellous, and then you surprise us with the cloaked figure in the shadows. Your writing is excellent, professional, funny, vivid and enjoyable. You end on a great hook, and I really want to read on. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

DKTD1 wrote 1527 days ago

As a fan of both sarcasm and long descriptive passages, shelved!
Well written and an interesting play on the life of a student in another world.

Dan-
Eunice and Ethan

Nick Poole2 wrote 1529 days ago

I remember this. But theopening seems to be different. Now we are plunged (literally) into the action.

Liked this before, like it better now.

Nick
"Mirror In The Sky"

bonalibro wrote 1530 days ago

Hi,

I have backed your book because I found it eminently readable
but have to cover 25 books a day just to keep my place on here.
If you would like a more specific comment please return the favor.
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Jesse Hargreave wrote 1541 days ago

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

paxie wrote 1542 days ago

Amy

I read the eons ago, when I first joined the site......I loved it, and backed it then.....Its a witty racy read...

scrunching up my eyes,,,, looked me in the eyes....(mmm....sounded a bit repetitive) referring to her eyes twice in 2 lines......

I enjoyed the read, welcome back...

Shelved with pleasure

David Fearnhead wrote 1544 days ago

Read this a while ago and had it on my shelf for quite sometime. Thought I'd commented but turns out I hadn't so i'm back for a second read and comment this time. At first from the cover I thought this might be childrens fantasy or YA, but once I actually got into it I see it's a very clever twist on the traditions of chick lit. The wity title character is well crafted and her barbed comments stand out. You certainly use your imagination to it's fullest, but what really stood out for me was your word choice. It's very cleaver and really makes the sentences fresh and fully empowered.
David
Bailey of the Saints.

Helena wrote 1564 days ago

Hi Amy I enjoyed the first chapter of your book. The prologue was a why did I get myself into this kind of a piece and I liked the way he made me feel there was a lot of excitement and adventure to come in this story. The first chapter is good, the professor being young and fanciable is a nice touch as most professors are old, I also think the fact that he is totally unaware of this is really strong. The characters you have introduce us to are all a bit quirky and I think they will make a colourful story.A few grammatical errors but I have loads so can't really comment. Backed. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

SRFire wrote 1565 days ago

This is really strong writing. I'm impressed. Backed for quality. Best, Sana

Fred Le Grand wrote 1565 days ago

Hi Amy,
I read your first chapter with interest. The premise is an engagig one and the story flows well from your keyboard. The MC's voice is loud and clear but I think the writing itself needs some editing:

Typo: 'to hang around' [to is missing]

You change tense several times in the first chapter. You must, must must pick one tense past, present or future and stick to it.

The dialogue is good in the sense that the spoken words are probable and well-thought out but mostly it is broken up with asides from the speaking character. Trouble with that is that the reader is taken away from the contents of the speechmarks each time you do it and the dialogue then doesn't flow.

Forgive me for pasting in my usual diatribe on dialogue it is only because I thought you might find it useful Ignore if it doesn't make sense.:

There is nothing wrong with a simple ‘he said’, ‘she said’. Readers see it almost like punctuation. Use them just enough to tell the reader who is talking. Break up the speech only when you really need to indicate a significant change of posture, position or action. Each time you do, you interrupt the flow of the dialogue and what is said between the characters loses cohesion.
Don’t modify your dialogue with adverbs, particularly those ending in –ly. Trust your reader to understand the tone of the dialogue and what the character is expressing. If you feel insecure about the words used or you feel the reader won’t know the person is angry, anxious, snappy etc, then you need to re-write the dialogue, because it isn’t strong enough. He said pointedly.
Don’t make your characters do the impossible. You can’t chortle, giggle, choke, beam etc, as you speak.

I think with a bit of editing this will make a fine story. If you do edit, please let me know and I'll be pleased to come back.

I shelved this before but didn't leave a comment because of shortage of time. Since you have upstaged me and left comment on my book, you shamed me into returning.

Best of luck with this!

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 1569 days ago

Definitely not my normal read, but my, you can dance with a pen. Terrific imagination. Shelved.
Frank

paxie wrote 1574 days ago

Amy
Love the pitch and bookcover.......

I used to edit travel brochures.......Read deleting the words I put in brackets.

realisation (that) this could.......................realisation this could
(and) before I knew it
(and) the sensation of
(and) I could not even fathom
the writer (that is) Captain Windspark...........the writer, Captain Windspark......

Often 'and' is better replaced with a comma......gives the reader a chance to draw breath.....

Fabulous premise and innovative creativity here......A whole new World,,,, you must spend a fair bit of your time daydreaming.....

I enjoyed the read and wish you the best.....

Shelved with pleasure......

T.L Tyson wrote 1574 days ago

This is without a doubt a quirky little read, isn't it?
Elphie (I do love that name) is a firecracker, popping off the page with her wit and wry.
The prologue does its job, sparks interest and intrigue a plenty.
The first chapter is keen too, allowing us into the humdrumness of wee Elphie's life whilst allowing us a peek into her head, a head that is filled with spark and light. The humor is sharp, in parts made me laugh out loud.
This is different, and I do love different.
There is some tightening issues I would suggest. Namely punctuation, the full stops in speech followed by a full stop speech tag, isn't necessary. Increases fluidity if you add commas and what not.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

soutexmex wrote 1575 days ago

Gotta agree with Simon on your book. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Jared wrote 1576 days ago

Chick lit and SF is a brave mixture, the genres tend to favour opposite sexes, but this is a wonderful romp of a book. It needs an edit, quite a few punctuation errors at this stage, but it certainly made me want to read more. Incidentally, the final line of chapter 2 needs a question mark after "next" - I won't bother you with others. I'm loving this. I read chapter 3 as well and that has huge potential, get writing and post more please.
On my shelf.
Jared.

Bob Steele wrote 1576 days ago

Eliphe Tiny-Wen is a distinctive book with its unusual combination of sci fi and chick lit, which risks pleasing neither set of enthusiasts. For me, though, the mixture worked and your writing found the right idiom to attract your chosen audience[s].This is a well paced story that should appeal. Backed.
One editorial detail - IMHO you should have a tough edit to root out unnecessary dialogue qualifiers [she beamed, I joked, Edimus grumpily responded and so on] - let the dialogue/action show me what I need to know instead. Good luck.

mikegilli wrote 1578 days ago

Seems like great sport...shelved.
But this is still rather short...
When do we get some more?
Happy New Year M.........The Free

Freeman wrote 1578 days ago

I have read a little and I like what I saw, I am off on holidays and will read more when I return. Backing it for now.

Happy New Year

Tony
Life Bringer

Simon Swift wrote 1578 days ago

I have to agree with John! This really is great! The pitch confused me at first (that's easy) but once I started reading I was completely captivated and I would love to read more of this! Let me know when you have more uploaded and I will happily read on! For now, just are shelved!
Simon

John Harold McCoy wrote 1578 days ago

Amy this is just wonderful. Your pitch is intriguing enough to pull anyone into a read and your beginning is captivating. Superb writing and very imaginative. I don't have anything but praise for this work. Such a surprise, much more than I expected. I see you're at about 13k words. You have to finish this. Anyway, on my shelf for sure and the best of luck with it, Amy.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Leigh Fallon wrote 1579 days ago

Gorgeous. So liked this. Its fun and right into the action. The covers great too, it had me thinking of Bratz Pixies. Your writng seems flawless (dead jealous).
This is so, going to do well. On my shelf.
All the very best with it.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Sandie Newman wrote 1580 days ago

I am totally loving everything about this book. The cover is exquisite, as is the title and pitch, especially the short pitch. I begin reading and am thrust straight into the scene, right in the middle of the action. Through being on the authonomy site I have come to realise that the best books start with a bit of action, which is why I painstakingly changed mine to do the same! The opening is excellent as I said straight into the action and also of not really knowing what's happening, brilliant, then the next part is stark contrast, with us finding out what a complete opposite of that is happening. Just brilliant, already backed and I'm glad I did.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Tifa wrote 1581 days ago

Copied from my message inbox:

Tifa, I just finished your chapter this morning. Very well written and entertaining. In my humble opinion these are the two elements necessary for a good book. If I were in class to learn a fact or a truth, I would look for different criteria. That is not the case. I am looking to be entertained. You have he stuff. I enjoy the narration, this Elphie girl is the kind of girl so far that I could spend hours with in conversation, and she is the type that would appear more attractive as you get to know her. You have a very good grasp of our language and a nice writing style. Not to mention, a seemingly good story. The concept of fantasy/sci-fi worlds with normal to us teenagers and what not, really cool. I don't know if this was your intention, but I like how these otherworldly teenagers are enamored by a flying theater ship that Elhpie had never seen before. That seems to indicate to me that it is a world without the internet or television. i don't know why that appeals to me. o yea, its because I am an aspiring writer. Can you imagine kids today actually enjoying something like reading and watching theater productions, without the aid of computer generation? That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the visual of movies, but I still love reading, and it is good to know there are still writers out there. Good jb so far. Let me know when I can get it in book form.
M. E. Jones

Andrew W. wrote 1585 days ago


Elphie Tiny-Wen

Hi Amy,

Flipping heck Amy this is very good. I am sorry I am going to gush. Well edited, well written yes, but the wonderful thing about it for me was two wonderful things. Your imagination, dreaming up a world full of new and exciting creatures, exit dwarves, elves, hobbits and goblins, this is a whole new world. And secondly your ability to locate your musings about this exciting world inside the head of this fascinating and interesting character. I wish I could write like you. Special stuff. The opening was particularly arresting and inventive. Gandalf the White indeed.

Well done Amy, very happy to support your work and may well parade it about the forums for others to pour over.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)


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