FANNY BATTER - CELEBRITY AGONY AUNT

Great piece of work, Ms. Batter, definitely a companion piece to Khahlil Gibran's 'The Prophet' where you can open it at any chapter and dip your bread. Being a bloke, my first port of call was Chapter Six, y'know, just to find a way forward, but it was a brilliant blind alley but no less effective for that. 'Golddiggers' put me right back on track and on guard. It's a brilliant guidebook for life's little hurdles - superb and straight on my watchlist to be backed next week once I've ploughed through a couple of other books. You could do worse, Fanny, than take a look at my modest scribblings too, y'know, it's about big, tough, rough men killing each other (I know) but give it a try - Chris1

Absolutely horrendous. This book is full to the rim of ridiculous toilet humour and it was FANTASTIC! I couldn't put it down. Not to everyones taste I would imagine but hey, if I found it captivating, I'm sure other people will too. Hope Santy puts a copy of this in my christmas stocking and I hope he also gets you a cracking book deal while he's at it. Great stuff -- Jon

Brilliant. This is the first book that has made me laugh out loud and worry that my neighbour heard. Backed and sorry I didnt discover it earlier! Easy to read, easy to return to.

Pete

-Fanny Batter-

Felicity, this is beyond hilarious. The boy band stuff--Coldplay 80--omg, so funny. I love Sean Bean! Wish it really was him. Fell off my chair with "Bum sex--is it for me?" Couldn't catch my breath. You are so bad.

Love this! On my shelf and big hopes Fanny makes the ED desk. They could use a good laugh . . .

Jan
Fringe of Darkness

Readable :)

A great twist on the usuall agony anut any one reading it could becom suicidal at her replies

Gingernut

Its raining, tomorrows Monday and I have a hangover, so dipping into your book was just what the doctor ordered. Great idea very funny pick-up put-down-ability. Great no nonsense read.
Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a moment to take a look.

Fun, witty, humorous, a real hoot - what else is there to say? Fanny Batter magic!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

Dear Fanny, what a hoot. I couldn't stop laughing. I nearly wet... 'Dear Fanny, I nearly pissed myself when I read your compendium of human misery. Am I incontinent, incompetent or omnicient. I am probably ignorant because I don't know what omnicient means or how to spell it.' Backed with undeniable pleasure! Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

I enjoyed this very much. There is a rare typo, insignificant beside the laughter it provoked. Backed and still laughing. Marj.

Absolutely great - Fanny is a hoot. Have you thought of doing a reality TV show? The humour is excellent and I love the situations that you create so Fanny can spout off. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Great stuff! Snappy, funny, with broad appeal. I can see well-thumbed copies of this book lying on many office desks.

If I was going to offer any criticism, I would say that sometimes Fanny talks too much sense! There is some actual well-meaning advice buried amongst her bitchy comments and cutting remarks. I think she should abandon all pretense of genuinely helping people and cut loose with what she really thinks!

Well done. Everyone's life could do with some Fanny Batter to fill in the cracks.

David

Thanks for the laughs. Backed.
D.
Freedom's Mother

Recieved and edited the chapter. Should be in your e-mail. It was very short so i could not comment.

Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God, the belly laughs are killing me. I agree - an overnight sensation here.

This is a funny, funny read. On top of a clever idea: a book of advice on almost everything. I read the chapter on how to get published first, and liked Fanny's fourth point a lot: write something else. I then went through the rest of the chapters and, the same as that first one, found something I can apply to my life in almost every one. The kind of book you keep because you know you'll open it and read it again the next time you're perplexed about something. Good going. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

:)
Not sure what to call the format, but it's funny. Very entertaining read.
I'm sure Sean Bean and Keanu would both love a date.

Shelved
Dan,
Demons and Other Inconveniences

I loive this book! So clever and smart! You have a gift for writing humour which is so difficult to impart to the reader and you have succeeded beautifully! I had several laugh out loud moments in first three chapters. BACKED with a smile!

Liz
The Cheech Room

How funny? Bless you - a whole book with such sound advice. Fanny Batter is my guru, my guide through an otherwise puzzling life.

backed with a smile on my face

good luck with it. Sorry, what exactly is fanny batter...? Good Lord, that's disgusting...the elders at the church were traumatised.

cheers

chris

OMG laughed like I haven't done in ages! There were times when I wanted to stand up and applaud you! THis deserveds its praise and no red arrow!
So many 'funny' books tried too hard - this doesn't and it really shows.
BRAVO!! Backed of course
Cat
Judas Kiss

Felicity, I don't know whether to laugh or cry, I suppose the best thing is cry laughing. There is nothing else I can say about your book. Some hilarious, some cringingly mind boggling. Good Luck.
Norman.

this is so wrong, it is fabulously right! A great laugh, thank you.

Fanny Batter the face that launched a thousand dredgers.
There are agony aunts like these in one of the Sunday broadsheets (forget which one) always makes me laugh, as does this. I will eventually read it all the way through.
However from a male point of view, don't imagine that blokes abandoned by their wives often resort to the booze. Most of us resort to younger Fanny.

Felicity, you are a comic genius. Shelved.

This is very bizarre and yet funny. I'm not sure about the mass-market appeal but it could become a 'cult' book among students. Good work.

Lovely, and probably sound advice.

Thanks

Bill 'Self-publishing' Walters ;)

Fanny Batter is delightfully brilliant. I LOVE cats and dogs... That was funny... It makes me curious what the girl with the boyfriend will think. about the dog having 10 years when she read the response. SUPERB!

I looked at this because you backed me (thanks!) and then laughed out loud at Chapter 10. So, it is on my list. I'm now going to read a few other chapters that take my fancy. Ben

I am going to tell my friends that they just have to log on and read this, what a brilliant idea, it's hilarious. Please let me know if it is ever published so I can get it for my sisters for next Christmas, glad I backed it good luck , Maggie P.

Hi Felicity!

I'm not sure what took me so long to read this... I'm so bummed that I haven't laughed at this sooner! This is really naughty comedy here - love it! I read through chapter four and have some editing notes for you - hope they help in the finessing process:

Chapter One
-Paragraph 1 - (other than the title Celebrity Agony Aunt blog) the term celebrity does not need a capital letter. (It is not a proper noun or title)
- In your chapter headings, you go back and forth with capitals on your words. I would recommend following how you have chapter two (Pop star life expectancy) with only the first word in caps, unless it is a proper noun. Having said that, the following words need to be in lower case: Kittens (5) / Sex (6) / Celebrity (8) / Songs (9) / Gold-Digger (12) / Violence (17) / Abatement (21) - now, that's a style thing - it's totally your call. But whatever you decide, be consistent with the formatting.
-Also, in chapter 20, "Mother in law" needs hyphens (Mother-in-law)

Chapter Two
-Header - You've got "Pop star life expectancy" twice - the first instance there are caps on Life Expectancy, the second is lower case. My rec - lower case, but it's your call. Just keep it consistent.
-Hi 'John', - your comma should go inside the end quotation mark. (That will be true for all of your other chapters as well.)
-Paragraph 4 under the response to John, you've got "per cent" as two words. Should be percent. I also paused at the numeral 8, wondered if you should spell it out. It would read better if it were either 8% or eight percent. Note: in the next paragraph you have 30% in numerals, so I think you should go with the 8%...
-Paragraph 7 - "agony aunt" needs caps.
-Paragraph 8 - "hell" probably should be in caps (like you have in the chapter title for 20)
-"time to hang up the spandex gents!" made me laugh out loud. (That's not an edit - just a random thought! I always make notes of what I think is good...)
-Paragraph 12 - "your numbers up" - should be "number's" as it is the conjunction of number is

Chapter 3
-under Sean's response - **** Off - "off" should be in lower case

Chapter 4
-under Josie's response, paragraph 1 - put your period inside the end quote at the end of the paragraph
-"You Tube" - the proper name of the company has no space (YouTube)
-Under the self pub, paragraph 1 - comma inside end quote "where your mouth is,"
-Under Change what you write - "fifteen year old" needs hyphens (fifteen-year-old)

Now, I stopped there because (a) I wanted to leave these notes for you and back the book and (b) you've got some really good advice in chapter four that I must scurry over to take care of. I'm off to have a boob job now, make a YouTube video, find some dog poo (that isn't frozen!) that I can smear on my return letters, then settle down and write some hard-core porn. Thank you Fannie for such wisdom...

Great job, Felicity!!! Love it...

Kim
Invisible Justice / Brute Justice

Fanny is great - very, very funny. I'll make some space on my shelf soon. Best wishes, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

I have to stop now, while I can still breathe! I've been laughing so hard I could barely find the mouse to click over to the next chapter! Why can't I write stuff like this? Well, at least I can back it!

Oh, Flick! This is good! Light and easy reading with some vicious wit inserted for a healthy stab of oh so British humour. Loved the references to Sean Bean, Coldplay and celebrity culture... this is the kind of thing I would expect to see serialised in the Sunday papers- it's the kind of thing I would buy in print. Well worth a read and, to quote Miss Batter herself, 'May the Pink Fluffiness never end'. L.x

Wow...Hilarious! The advice Fanny dishes out...It makes me want to read on, just to see what other things she might say!

~Elizabeth Holly
Phantasmagoria

When you make it to print, promise me you'll include a review on the back that simply reads: "LOL"

I've had the flu, and now, quite the bellyache.

It hurts to laugh!


Jeff Sinclair
No Heaven

I chuckled at the advice re cats v dogs, and the first re sexuality. #19 made me laugh too, and maybe for #20 you could also advise writing a book about the situation and becoming famous.
And I howled at # 21 (sorry!)
Kin ell .... * big grin *
This really was lots of fun, with a serious side as well. Good luck with it.

Backed because Fanny is funny:-))

This is a lot of fun. Minor typos but they can be fixed. I chuckled through bits if this and am planning on reading the rest.

Hilarious. Backed. Brilliant long pitch, too. Not sure the cover (urk colours) does it justice but, hey. All the best for your writing.

a bit different...
...but still good.

AR Latif
The Mr.Terry Mysteries

This is well written and laugh-out-loud funny! I can't find a thing to fault about it. The topics are all contemporary so it would seem to have a ready-made market. I thought the pace slowed a bit on the chapter about kittens and puppies, but I'm not an animal lover so maybe that's just me. Otherwise this is of a high standard, publishable, shelved.

So funny it hurts!

Backed with pleasure.

Bob (Auctoratus)

"If all else fails write some hard-core porn..." "Perhaps a fifteen-year-old prostitute aiming to escape from political oppression ... Give her a pretty name and some designer clothes ..." Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Hahahahahahahah.... "Fanny Batter" (Gaw, what a name!) is a clever, funny-as-all-get-out skewering of celebrity and the things that people--including writers-- do to get there. Shelved with shameless pleasure.

Cheers--
Gev

Great entertainment, witty amusing and clever.

Shelved

ww Lisa

Very funny and a great concept. I can certainly see an audience for this but I can also hear the cry of potential publishers "Isn't it too much like Dame Edna Evarage?", which I suspect might be a fair old barrier to climb. Good luck!

Philip (Steady Past Your Granny's)

Love to see this in the top 5 just to read the snotty HC review. On my shelf

My kind of humour.
Well written and good enough to make me snigger.

Well done

This is the sort of stuff that certain types get very upset about and go on marches and burn things and shout slogans and write to their MP and local paper and.....and..... and I thought it rather smashing. Of course I went straight to the chapter on bum sex (tee hee).

Seriously....? This is all very funny and very rude and I am enjoying it very much thank you very much. :-)

Funny, and very different from the usual formula. This is the kind of book a person can pick up any time for a good laugh, even without a lot of time to read. I hope it does very well.

Great book! Loved Fanny to bits, she is so down to earth and practical! Love the ages for the clean living and not so estimates, and the detail - well done. Happily backed! Jacqui (Life on the Estate)

What fun!!!
Backed with pleasure,
Carole

how lovely to stumble over something so original and funny. many congratulations on a brilliant idea. this will fit happily on my shelf.

my only comment is that i feel there is still editing to do to make it a bit sharper (small example : why have bullshit and shovel shit in the same sentence. you lose the effect of both.)

hope you can check out THE ETON MOTHERS' HANDBOOK which bears the same relationship to true life as Fanny Batter does to yours ( i hope!) . oh and i loved the name!

xx
m

Hilarious and clever! Fanny's tounge in cheek advice made me laugh out loud! Backed.

Agneta
Letting Go

Hilarious and clever! Fanny's tounge in cheek advice made me laugh out loud! Shelved.