Book Jacket

 

rank 5916
word count 28017
date submitted 08.11.2009
date updated 03.02.2010
genres: Romance, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

An Eternity In Stone

Ivy Noir

An Eternity in Stone is something she'll never forget.

 

Lana begged for immortality, to be with the one she loved. She wanted to remain youthful forever, and never die. She wanted to live forever. Immortalised a beautiful young woman, Lana remained a statue on the plot of her lover’s land. He ventured out at night to see her, keeping his silent promise that he would love her forever. But times changed and so did he. Dimitri left her alone, thinking of her sometimes and visiting rarely.
Samara is just like Dimitri, and on meeting him at a business event one night, she reveals to him what he didn't know about himself.

This is a first draft.
If you read it, please leave a small comment. Any feedback is appreciated, but please be aware there are spelling mistakes and grammar problems - I know about them!
PLEASE DON'T BACK. I'm looking to improve this, not climb the ranks. Backings mean nothing to me.

 
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tags

nanowrimo

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21 comments

 

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One

Dimitri paced the perfectly manicured grass, fretting his heart out. Where was she? There were only so many places to hide within his home and grounds, and he had searched every inch, but still no sight of Lana. Dmitri stood and pressed his fingers to his temple. Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine where he’d be if he were Lana. But that could be anywhere. She was such a free spirit, like wind that couldn’t be tamed.

“Lana,” he growled, as he looked towards the wooded area that surrounded his grounds. What if she had gone in there? He would never find her.

“Dimitri!” The sound was faint, but he heard it nonetheless. It was the voice that soothed him in his darkest moments.

There she was, his beautiful Lana. Her feet were bare, her body covered by a thin dress which flowed around her body like silk. Lana’s hair was windswept and her cheeks flushed; it was evident she had been running and more than just the length of his gardens.

“Dimitri,” she said, struggling to get the words out for loss of breath. “My love, I have been looking all over for you. Where have you been?” Even though her whole body showed signs of excursion, her face still beamed up at him, so pure and innocent. Dimitri pulled her into his arms with a sigh of relief. He buried his face in her hair, and spoke.

“Lana, where have I been? You were the one who wasn’t anywhere to be found, you had me so worried.” He held her close.

Lana struggled against his hold, trying to free her arms which were pinned to her side. He reluctantly loosened his grip, but kept her in the circle of his arms. Lana reached up and laid a hand on his cheek. “Dimitri, I’ve found a way for us to be together...forever.”

Whilst in his momentary state of shock, she ducked out under his arms and danced back. She giggled as she twirled around. “I found a woman who said she’d help me. I told her I wanted to live forever, never aging. Like you, Dimitri. Beautiful and youthful for eternity. We can be together now. No more will you have to worry about my fragile existence.”

Dimitri smiled. Excitement coursed through his veins. He could have her forever, she would be his beautiful Lana forever.

Lana beamed in reflection to Dimitri’s joy. He kneeled in front of her and took her hands in his. He placed a kiss on each palm and looked back at her face. “I love you, Lana.”

The wind took a sharp turn. Dimitri knew that feeling; he turned his head in the direction the wind was swimming and saw a dark figure standing in the tree line. With fear clenching at his heart, he looked back at Lana, whose features were creased with worry.

“Dimitri? Are you okay?”

“Lana, this is important. Who did you ask to do this for you? What exactly did they say?”

Before the words left her lips, Dimitri felt the skin on her hands harden and grow cold. He looked down at them where he held them in his own hands. When his gaze returned to her face, her skin was grey and hard. She was frozen. Beautiful and youthful. A single tear ran down Dimitri’s face as his eyes skittered around in a panicked frenzy. He looked back to where the dark figure had stood only to find nowhere.

“Lana?” He touched every inch of her. But her flesh was hard, her joints rigid and the expression on her face was great sadness. “Please move,” he whispered, “Please?”

 

***

 

“Good evening, Lana. Sorry I’m late. I had to have words with the new grounds keeper. I wouldn’t want him to make a mistake, especially concerning you.” Dimitri spoke to the statue of his beloved. He brushed a few leaves off her shoulder, and picked up the rake he brought in the wheelbarrow. The small patch of grass Dimitri had sectioned off from the rest of the grounds only contained a few fallen leaves, but he didn’t want to have them here cluttering around his Lana. He piled them up in the wheelbarrow and pulled out the secateurs to trim the seven foot hedges he used as a barrier to protect Lana. Once the area was perfectly preened, he pushed the barrow outside the tall gate. Dimitri knelt at Lana’s feet, like he had done all those years ago, and held her hands in his. He pressed a kiss on each of them, and looked up at her face. “I love you, Lana.” Dimitri let his sadness overwhelm him for only a moment before he looked back up to Lana with a slightly forced smile. “We have another visitor, my love. He’s going to try and reverse this. There will be someone out there who can fix you, I promise. I’ll be back soon, darling.” Dimitri kissed the top of her head and left.

The gate closed behind him with a squeak, and he mentally noted a reminder to oil the hinges. He took the barrow towards the house for the gardener to sort out. Dark clouds began forming over head. I’ll need to find something to cover Lana again. For the first few years, when the rain came, Dimitri had made futile attempts to shield Lana. He’d covered her shoulders with his jackets, but the wind had blown off. When the hedges he’s panted around her began growing, Dimitri had considered building a roof like structure over her, but he didn’t want to deprive her from the sun. She’d always loved the warmth of the rays. But he couldn’t let her get cold and wet. In the end, he’s called in a carpenter to build a roof anyway, one the he could easily pull back. As times and technology changed, the roof had turned into a retractable glass covering, so Lana could enjoy the sun, even on the rainiest of days. This autumn had proved dry, so Dimitri delighted in leaving her glass shield open. The leaves that fell just gave him an excuse to come in and see her...not that he needed much of an excuse. He still loved Lana. He’s heard the housekeeper mentioning his ‘obsession with that statue’ a few years ago, but he knew the truth. His love was for Lana, and her statue was merely an idol for him to remember her by whilst she was...unavailable.

Dimitri left the barrow at the top of the garden and made his way towards the back door of his home. He strode through the lavishly decorated rooms without a care for the boots he wore. He grabbed a coat for himself in case the rain did come and for Lana...in case this worked.

Dimitri headed towards the main door and swung it open, revealing a short, portly man with his hand raised as if ready to knock. He looked horrified.

“Are you the sorcerer from France?” Dimitri demanded.

Oui,” the man squeaked. Dimitri merely glared. He knew he was intimidating this man, his tall frame an obvious contrast to this man’s small stature.

He cleared his throat. His accent was thick, but his English satisfactory. “Yes, my Lord. My name is Frederick. You scared me, monsieur. You’re timing is impeccable.”

Dimitri ignored the comment he had heard a thousand times. “This way, Frederick. Before you ask, I haven’t forgotten my promise of payment. You will try to reverse this, if you fail, I’ll pay you fairly for the effort. If you succeed, I’ll double that payment. This is very important to me, so I don’t skimp on payment. I’ve tried many a magic-workers in this small island, but none have succeeded. I heard from my last practitioner that you were the best in the nearest area, so I called on you. Did you understand the situation as I explained it?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“Good, then follow me.”

 

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bookjacket wrote 1185 days ago

Wow. I read it all. I loved the beginning of this and your voice.

A big distraction for me as a reader was not knowing the cause of his immortality until later. The concept of the book was unique and I was surprised that Sahara was an ally to Dimitri and Lana. Also I was surprised by Lana's jealousy.

What a great concept. I wish you the best with this.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

Mandi Oyster wrote 1353 days ago

This is really good especially for NanoWriMo. I'm impressed by anybody that can do that.

I noticed in some places his name is Dimitri and in some Dmitri.

What I've read of this is very enjoyable. I will try to read more as time allows. I know you said not to back it, but I'm going to put it on my shelf anyway. That way my "friends" can look at it if they choose.

Mandi Oyster
Dacia Wolf & the Prophecy

yasmin esack wrote 1411 days ago

Dear Author
Your book inspires and threads a fine path. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of writing is unique and offers up a treat. It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed
The Lord of the Dawn.

carlashmore wrote 1471 days ago

Now I know you don't want any backings, but I don't consider backing to be merely about rankings, to me it's a bout showing some support. And I think this book is certainly worthy of it. Infact, it's better than that. Ithought the premise was absolutely beautiful. At first I thought we were dealing with a 'Dorian Gray' type story (one of my favourite books) but it isn't that at all. It feels like a genuinely original idea and whether you like it or not, I am happy to back it. Your prose is fluid, accessible yet profound. You know about the minor grammar issues so I won't mention themm. But well done
carl
The Time hunters

SRFire wrote 1482 days ago

Hi, I thoroughly enjoyed this simple romantic opening. Girl wants guy, guy wants girl, girl makes a sacrifice, the sacrifice costs her more than she bargained for, guy is left holding the cold broken pieces. Just superb and believe me you've hooked me now. There was only one sentance that didn't seem to flow right in chapter 1 and that was "he's panted around her began growing". I wish you every success with this, Sana x

alison woodward wrote 1484 days ago

this is very good, holds the readers interest, backed

alison

M. A. McRae. wrote 1485 days ago

Regrettably unfinished, but absolutely fascinating. Marj.

plod wrote 1492 days ago

The short pitch is a little vague.
The start of the long pitch is very intriguing. Towards the end, I got little confused as to who Samara was.

The premise is like a gothic fairytale: simultaneously romantic and horrifying.

I once found an abandoned statue, overlooking neglected ground in rural Poland. It was such an unsettling find. This book reminded me of that statue.

Eerie and beautiful

Backed.
Mimi (Flickers of Mary)

K.Z. Freeman wrote 1523 days ago

Is it just me? I get the feeling that by the end of this, Dimitri will go fucked-up-crazy and tear some shit up to get back his precious Lana ^^

But in any case, its a good opening, a sentance I found a bit strange to me, "He looked backed where the figure had stood only to find nowhere." I think your missing a "him" there? or only to find nothing, ... didn't find anything else to nitpick about the writing really, so I thought I'd grab the one thing where I found myself saying "what the hell?" and throw it in your face...yeah, I know, I excel at douchebaggery....

erict wrote 1531 days ago

OK - I feel nervous trying to comment, but as you clearly ask for comment, it would be churlish to not do.

I 100% love the feel of the book. (Your reading list concurs closely with mine) and I have no doubt that I can read this happily to the conclusion. I suspect I will keep returning to it over the coming days.

However, (and I have just left an editting session to read your book.) I agree with the hunting of "-ly" words, "was" and "were" and questioning their right to have a place on the page and so line one "splendidly manicured." and others could be challenged.

Secondly, I have a paranoia about repeating the MC's name as the first word adjacent paragraphs "Dimtri" pops up a lot.

The feel of the writing is haunting and beautiful. It tempts me to keep reading when I should get back to my own major edit. I would back it (but won't go against your wishes!)

I hope that is thoughtful and useful

ET

redrocket63 wrote 1536 days ago

Well I wouldn't dream of backing you! This is too good a draft to be bothered with a shelf.

Great read - intriguing that I've been fussing with my chapters so long and you crank this onto the site. I wasn't gone that long was I? Regardless - I shall remove you from my shelf. Let me know when I'm aloud to put it back up there!

Alessia Verdi wrote 1544 days ago

Love it. The concept and the phrasing. Looking forward to seeing the finished article but backing it now for encouragement. No obligation or expectation but if you did get a few spare mins between drafts I would be ever so grateful if you could have quick look at "Never My Thirst". Funnily enough my male MC claims to have stopped himself aging in order to close the age gap between himself and the girl he loved.

The Ark And The Aroma Of Peril wrote 1548 days ago

Hi.
I like the story and the plot is good. I must appreciate you for the narration.
All the best.
Backed with wishes.
S. Vinay Kumar

David Fearnhead wrote 1554 days ago

This flows so beautifully its hard to imagine its a rough draft. The choices of character names intrigued me.
Dimitri is eastern Europe/Russian in origin, Lana could be Russian too, but its also a classic name from Hollywood...see you already got me thinking just from names alone. The introduction of a french sorcerer adds yet more foreign flavour to the novel. Whilst this is not my normal genre of choice, I found myself easily captivated by your style and rich description. Some of the longer paragraphs could do with a trim and I'm sure there are editorial changes you shall make. But the richness in your writing is clear for all to see.
Will Back
David
Bailey of the Saints.

Steve Jensen wrote 1578 days ago

Such lovely writing. Really breathtaking...

Francesco wrote 1614 days ago

Excellent for a first draft!
I don't dare imagine what number draft of mine I have up on this site.
I'l leave it to the experts to help you with the 'mechanics'.
Backed.

Cato Sulla wrote 1615 days ago

Do you know something? I'm going to back this book because I can! Tis my perogative, you try and stop me!

Full of admiration for you PI, how the hell you can rattle out quality stuff like this is beyond me.

Bob x

Onthedottedline wrote 1618 days ago

It's brave of you to put a first draft on here, but don't expect us not to comment :-)))) I wish my first drafts were half as good. This shows a LOT of promise, so finish it!!!! Back with pleasure. Best wishes, Tony.

Jupiter Echoes wrote 1619 days ago

My first draft is strewn with errors, structurally and gramatically. How dare you say you just churned this out. Starts to look good from where i am standing so far. Guess that is why some writers write three books a year, and i can do one small one every year.

Good premise and what i read so far is promising. I hope you don't mind me backing this now. IT is quite evident that you have talent and you will turn this into something that flows (it does now), which engages (it does that now) and has no romance in it whatsoever (it doesn't do that now - and i am of course joking being a grumpy old git.)

BACKED

Andrew W. wrote 1625 days ago

An Eternity in Stone

Hi Ivy,

This pours easily and quickly onto the page, I know it’s a NaNoWriMo job but you clearly have been thinking about it for a while because your characters are well constructed and three dimensional. One of the most engaging bits of your writing I think is the rapid beginning, the joining the characters at a moment of change or action, you plunge us into the action with aplomb, confidence and we are dragged into his emotional rollercoasting thoughts. Good stuff, good luck with the 50,000 words target, if you need a break from the competition check out my book, I need all the help I can get.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)


Driftyfluff wrote 1628 days ago

Brilliant - love it - I want to read more...

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