Shooting Stars

SHOOTING STARS:

FJ,

An excellent prologue that sets the scene and compels you to read on. You are a born story-teller. The writing is fast paced and the prose is smooth and easy to read. Great characterisation and description. This is a real page turner.

Backed.
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Your book has stunning images that embellish the telling of a fascinating story. Shooting Stars would be as the super heroes of today. They are so powerful I can envision them in my mind as I read your descriptions.

I love stories about children. I have one here at home that takes up so much of my attention. In the passing of such short time, they grow out of blessed childhood and then the little ones we shelter and care for are no more, replaced by people grown into the way we mold them. Hopefully, it is well done.

You mold your characters as if they are your children. I believe all writers do that to an extent.

Thank you for the honor to read your lovely, descriptive writing.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

Hi FJ! I say this honestly: your book is one of the best I have ever read. Shooting Stars begins with such heart and wonderful settings, and the characters and world seem so lively and filled with your love for them as their creator, I can picture everything in my head - like I'm watching a movie inside my brain. Very few books have done this for me in my lifetime. The first Harry Potter book, and the first Chronicles of Narnia book, are two of the only books that also accomplished this feat. I try my best in my own Heroes of Destiny books to make them living movies in people's brains, but I don't know how successful I am. Your book has done it surely. I am backing this immediately, and I want so much for you to get a book deal! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

FJ
My spidey senses are tingling. I have been eagerly watching this book, as it got closer to the top of my watch list. This is a wonderful premise. Very enticing.
Now, most comment on the opening chapter so I thought I’d go for something a little different and after reading the prologue, I jumped into ch13 to try to give you some variety to you feedback.
Explosion:
Unlucky for some, but not for you! This is a fine chapter.
You know, this is so easy to drop into, even though I’ve missed all the set up. Sure, I’m a little unfamiliar with it all, but this is written in such a way that I can tell you have a very interesting story here. Poor Chris. We all know what it is like to miss someone. I also like the realistic dialogue and very credible characterisation going on. What a moving scene as Terra says her goodbyes. Love the idea of burying a person within a star. Far out!
‘In a dream, I will tell him.’ – great line.
A few minor typos, but nothing major. Just a little polishing and I reckon you are good to go. You have an incredible imagination and the ability to spin an engaging yarn. Quality story telling.
Shelved with pleasure
David
Green Ore

An enchanting tale told with a gentleness that places readers at ease. Like listening to a tale by a beloved auntie nestled in a cosy chair by the fire. Lovely!
I would suggest some narration of the characters in ch 1 while the father shares their story with his daughter. Drop in some details of their appearances and behaviors.
Nicely written.
Backed,
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Classic in style with beautiful imagery. There are a couple of issues, but nothing that won't be ironed out in editing. Backed for sure :)

entertaining read, good writing.

backed

This is good, it has imagination, creativity and yet feels so authentic. There are some beautiful descriptions that place you in a top league of writing.
Shooting Stars should shoot straight to the top.

Backed with pleasure.

Lisa

A Fine Line

Interesting premise. Beginning was incredibly sad. This should appeal to teens, and more than a few adults. Good luck!

Like your short pitch!

Gooooood start, small point of fact, still dark and sunrise in the same paragraph.
Wow wet nurse vanishing wasn’t ready for that (I’m going to have to start reading other comments).
I very much like the structure of the book, Dialogue neat, narrative balanced – Good luck

Backed with pleasure! Joss Morris (A Bore No More)

Wonderful story so far look forward to reading when I get home tonite.Back and many blessings to you.
Karen

Shooting Stars
FJ Watson

FJ,
I love your title and cover. This is an exciting plot you have here with a super hero element and the good versus evil theme in which Terra your MC uncovers ancient powers which could transform people into shooting stars, and hopefully, save the world which is under attack by an ancient enemy.
This sounds like the makings of a good superhero film actually. Your prologue set the stage well with the old woman vanishing with the infant princess. In chapter 1 (HC ch 2 upload) we are introduced to Terra in the bedtime story scene and the reader begins to identify with her. I thought so far this was intersting , well written and you managed to bring to life in a very vivd way this alternative fantasy world you have created, which I think is a testament to your imagination and creativity. Happy to support this FJ.
Zan

Great start. Them vanishing really sets the tone for the rest of the book. Backed.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn

Not my type of book, but it was an enjoyable read all the same. I did find the pitch a little lame, though - more like a synopsis you'd give to an agent rather than a magnetic pitch to pull me in. It started off well but faltered a little in the latter paragraphs (I thought).
I did like the prologue, though. Nice and simple but effective page turner at the end.
I read two chapters, but sorry, I can't offer much of use. I can see it will have a good all round appeal, especially to the younger adults.
Backed for you.
Tony (If Only I Could Talk)

Starts off with an interesting mystery and builds from there. You are such a vivid writer and have created a wonderful story. Such a pleasure to read!

Missy

What an intriguing world you have created.

Your characters carry the story and I regard this as an ideal read for your target audience.

Great work.

Melxx

Definitely a book I would add to my YA collection here at school. A few errors that a good proofreader will catch, but a captivating story nonetheless.
Backed, with pleasure,

JLux
Finding Letta

This is a pitch perfect young adult book! It has a little and a lot of everything so far! Your prose is polished and your dialogue is snappy! Love it and BACKED - will return tonight for more! Thanks.

Liz
The Cheech Room

It was as well to focus in the Prologue on the detail of the birth, for in short paragraphs that carry your pace, you quickly give a sense of something special about the little girl - particularly with the cliffhanger at the end when, 'The old woman looked about her to make sure that nobody was about to notice her...and touched something on [the infant princess's] wrist.'
As her father lovingly relates the magic of the past to her, Terra, despite the gift that she will later demonstrate when in her extremity, is nevertheless like any delightful little child; full of awkward little questions, while there is a sense of warmth and tenderness between father and daughter.
Chapter 2, ending on that poignant moment when Ester passes away before her husband, Jonathan, still leaves that sense of challenge: that Terra will now be brought up without a mother and must be strong to cope with all that will make demands on her in the story which your synopsis so well promises. Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

SHOOTING STARS:

FJ,

An excellent prologue that sets the scene and compels you to read on. You are a born story-teller. The writing is fast paced and the prose is smooth and easy to read. Great characterisation and description. This is a real page turner.

Backed.
Sheila (Pinpoint)

The first chapter starts the story off with intrigue. Early into the second chapter, as you're describing the Shooting Stars and their attire, we see at once that you have a vivid imagination and fascinating ideas. I am certainly delighted, and will keep this on my watchlist for a full read! Will return as soon as possible with further comments.

Cheers!
Harper Alexander,
Bounty

Nice. The prologue leaves the reader with an intriguing hook, and the end of chapter one is touching and poignant. It has an interesting cross-genre feel, and I'll keep with reading with enthusiasm.

Maria.

FJ, your prologue swept me into the first chapter. Good work. Great narrative and dialogue.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Hi,

I backed your book some time ago.
I wonder if you might have a look at mine
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Your book has stunning images that embellish the telling of a fascinating story. Shooting Stars would be as the super heroes of today. They are so powerful I can envision them in my mind as I read your descriptions.

I love stories about children. I have one here at home that takes up so much of my attention. In the passing of such short time, they grow out of blessed childhood and then the little ones we shelter and care for are no more, replaced by people grown into the way we mold them. Hopefully, it is well done.

You mold your characters as if they are your children. I believe all writers do that to an extent.

Thank you for the honor to read your lovely, descriptive writing.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

this a story the kind of story hat i have always loved, and you have written it well. good luch with it. backed

Shah

Your first chapter sets the tone, pace and theme well, but I loved the 2nd. The relationship between father and daughter is beautifully written. You give the reader a lot of information in the story, but it is never too much, the pitch is just right. There is a classic feel to this story and I am very glad I discovered it.

Hi FJ, From the taught and gripping prologue to the action packed subsequent chapters. This is a thriller that delivers. Backed JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

You create with a complete fantasy with an effective economy of words. I think this will appeal to a broad audience. Backed.

The prologue caught my attention, and chapter one convinced me. This is a good yard. Good, clean prose and an interesting concept. The characters are there and, with a bit more work in coming chapters, I think will becomgin truly endearing.

A veyr nice piece! Backed.

oh wow what a ttreat for ya
backed

Hi, F.J.! While I don't read a lot of fantasy, I read your book because of your profile. Your book is sweet and sounds like a classic tale that I might have put into child's hands when the world is too sad. I do have one suggestion: It's a shame to see a story that has potential marred by errors that might stop an editor from reading, and you have some instances where you've chosen the wrong word. One is in the first paragraph: "attendance" when you mean "attendants." Another is in the fourth: "council" when I believe you mean "counsel." In Chapter 12, you use "your" instead of "you're." While spell-check won't flag these, grammar-check probably will. Of course, an editor might look past this, but you might not want to take the chance on it.

Watson
I took the advice and went to CH12. Good action as claimed. Prologue is a gripper as well.
Backed
James

Your writting has a natural flow that makes story telling seem effortless. You paint a vivid world with great characters. One point I will make just my opinion the first chapter seems to have a bigger impact than the prolouge. Not that the prolouge wasn't good but if the first chapter was your start I felt it had the better hook, but like i said just my opinion. Backed and good luck.

Charlie. x

Lovely prologue establishing the story to come! I like your writing style, which is classic and descriptive, using speech to help define characters.

A couple of small questions; "She had used her gift to quid and council." I don't understand what quid means in this context? Also, in the first para and also later on you say "pain of children's birth", but it is a child's birth, not children? Sorry if these seem like nit-picking points but I hope bringing them up is useful! Well done on the opening, I have shelved this to read later.

The Prologue establishes a real air of mystery. Who is the old lady and what are her special powers? To find out, the reader has to continue. Backed.

It reads like a fairytale, with the same mythic resonance and depth. Simple elegant prose (a lot of "tell" rather than "show" but that's okay in this genre) and a magical atmosphere.
Shelved
Frank

Hello FJ,

A sure hit with the YA crowd.
Enjoyed and backing this for its stylish prose and quality writing.

Lalit Navani ( Femme Fatale )

FJ,

Like any good book, "Shooting Stars" lures us in with engaging writing and hooks us with great hook. Nicely done. You are on my bookshelf!
If you get a chance, would you mind checking ot my book, "The Wild, Wild Quest"? I appreciate any and all comments/feedback I can get.

Best of luck,
J. A. Johnson
(The Wild, Wild Quest)
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=13246

Hi FJ, I really like this story, it reads very well, the prose have a nice flow to them. The prologue is strong and adds a lot of questions who is the white haired woman and why did she steal Esters baby. The second chapter sets everything up nicely, the legends of Corbian are told as fairytales I think this angle is effective and the bond between father and daughter comes across really well. I also like the mention of Esters visions and why she keeps them secret like the others with her talent, more questions. Then you mention when he comes, first I thought you meant their baby son but he dies so again more questions. All the questions keep the pace nicely and make me want to keep reading. I enjoyed this story and it's on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Shooting Stars is a classic 'coming of age' fantasy with the heroine discovering ancient powers and embarking on a quest to save her world. The sci-fi twist adds distinctiveness and broadens the appeal to a wider target audience - and this is a story that promises plenty of drama and adventure. Your style of writng IMHO is more likely to appeal to children/YA than adult sci-fi fans; if this is not your intended audience you may need to make your characters and dialogue a little more sophisticated. Overall an easy read that I'm happy to back.
One editorial issue - by the time I got to C3 I was getting irritated by all the dialogue tags and qualifiers [commanded, whispered, complained, said in his cheerful voice, and so on]. 'Said' is usually sufficient, and I suggest any qualifiers should be shown by appropriate action or reaction. Good luck

Hi FJ,
I have just read the opening chapters of Shooting Stars and here are some comments for you.

I like the premise and also the opening prologue. You have a good hook at the end. It's main problem lies in with the POV, as you have both the Queen's and the old woman's thoughts represented. Publishers do not like 'head-hopping' as they call it, so you should really decide on one viewpoint. I suggest telling the scene from the old woman's POV, as you could do that without revealing her intentions until the end of the scene.

Ch 1 is a good intro to the story and telling the backstory of the Shooting Stars as a bedtime tale is a nice touch. I think you need to work on the descriptions of the warriors though because I became confused by such statements as 'wore a T.shirt covered in a thick green forest' and 'large mountains towered on her chest'. I'm sure they were not meant to be comical but for me they conjured quite an amusing picture.
You also have POV problems here as you describe the thoughts of many of the 7 warriors.

I also noticed several typos and nits:
pitch: Princess on Corbian and loves anything to do with...*who* loves
with the sole protectors...with *their* protectors?
amid their first battle...*during* their first battle?
Prologue: Lose the italics for the Queen's thoughts, publishers don't like them.
The sky was still dark...colors of sunrise painted the sky....Isn't this a contradiction?
fallowed smoothly...*followed*.
soft blanket bearing her name...How did they achieve this, the King had only just named her? And he couldn't have chosen the name previously because he couldn't know she'd be born at sunrise.
Ch 1: there was no poor among them...no *poverty*.
The new warriors...*Corbian's* warriors? Saying 'new' implies the invaders.
a metal fans, with razor sharp edges...either *fan* or lose the 'a'.
energy and enemy...these two words are quite repetitive.
flair with anger...*flare*.
ended min-thigh...*mid*
Lightening flashed...*lightning*.
night cloths...*clothes*.

Nits aside, I think you have a very enjoyable story here. Backed.
Cas
KING'S ENVOY


Pitch: Princess on Corbian and loives anything to do with...*who* loves.

FJ
Lovely, stylish writing. The lost child mystery at the beginning is one incentive to read on, as is the wonderful way you have with words. From the baby to the now older Terra, this will prove to be a hit with the YA. Backed
Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

This a well written and atmospheric fantasy novel. I was intrigued by the ending of the prologue - "They vanished without a trace." I've read six chapters now and am impressed by your ability to write descriptive passages that convey the full flavour of a setting. The dialogue is realistic and there's so much here to entice a reader. I appreciate that the early section of the book is largely scene-setting with much more action to follow, but it reads very well. You haven't classified this as YA, but it would have huge appeal for this market, especially with teenage characters to the fore.
Impressive writing and a strong story-line. Backed.
Jared.

I started reading this and could not put it down! A wonderful example of expert story telling and I am sure this will get published!

This is truly a winner. I am engrossed. Thank you.

Bill

FJ--

Thanks for dropping by and taking a look at Ghost Machines. I checked out your profile and I like a lot of the same books you do--Ferrell especially has a talent for teaching through stories, and I love his work.

Anyway, I read the prologue and first two chapters of Shooting Stars. It feels like a cool fantasy epic, one of those "layered" stories that you can really dig into. I'm backing it for now, and I wish you the best of luck with it. Hopefully I can find time to read some more of it later this week. Thanks again.

GrahamChops
Ghost Machines

Hi FJ
This is a fun fantasy right from the start - shelved

You have a deft way with characters, only a few words and we can see them fully formed.

Some of the information dumping is a little clumsy. In my view you can trust the reader to work out that Aurora was Terra's missing older sister, for example. "The disappearance of ......etc" is not what a real woman would say to her husband. I would cut back on passages in #1 as well. Tell the reader just enough to get them guessing rather than everything. For example, I am guessing that Aurora is going to return as a mysterious Shooting Star, because you dropped so many hints in #1. Anyway, it's just my opinion.

Good luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Hi FJ

I started to read this chapter, but after about ten paragraphs, with me being a devout 'pragmatist' it was too much of out of this world 'fantasy' for my taste.

I'm certain you are a good storyteller, but my reading palate runs in a different direction.

Best regards - optimista - Bernie

I have to say your cover reflects exactly your style of writing, exquisite! I love it by the way. The title is brilliant and the pitch excellent. I love the opening chapter, just the write about of scene setting without over-doing, which I hate. Lovely name, I couldn't help smile, my sister's name is Jacqueline. Lovely writing that is very deservedly backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Hi F J, I liked the legend of the Shooting Stars and the expectation of them when the warriors hit. Also the queen and the place of the women in this kingdom, the old woman at the beginning - that raised the enchantment level. The attacks from outer space are nicely fit into legend in a contemporary way.
Mostly the writing is clear and the dialogue carries alot about the characters. My observation is that the introduction of the characters is sometimes not woven in. I don't think I'd known of Thomas before his grandmother was mentioned. And the robot companion might have been introduced earlier instead of after she disappeared.
It's an urgent story and I enjoyed the heroic elements in it - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

You quickly pull us in and make us care for these characters. The story is intriguing and the writing works. I didn't have time to read all but I found what I did read worth attention. Watchlisted.
Jenny

Hi FJ! I say this honestly: your book is one of the best I have ever read. Shooting Stars begins with such heart and wonderful settings, and the characters and world seem so lively and filled with your love for them as their creator, I can picture everything in my head - like I'm watching a movie inside my brain. Very few books have done this for me in my lifetime. The first Harry Potter book, and the first Chronicles of Narnia book, are two of the only books that also accomplished this feat. I try my best in my own Heroes of Destiny books to make them living movies in people's brains, but I don't know how successful I am. Your book has done it surely. I am backing this immediately, and I want so much for you to get a book deal! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny