Book Jacket

 

rank 1350
word count 60878
date submitted 13.11.2009
date updated 11.11.2010
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
complete

Shooting Stars

FJ Watson

The power to save a world and protect the innocent is ancient. Is there anyone who is worthy and talented enough to use it?

 

Terra is a young princess on Corbian who loves anything to do with the Shooting Stars. They were a group of courageous heroes that once protected her planet yet have long since vanished. Their heroic acts have become legends and bedtime stories.

Now Corbian is under attack by an ancient enemy. With their sole protectors gone the people are defenseless. Only after Terra has witnessed the massacre of her people and her love does she find the ancient powers that will transform select people into Shooting Stars.

After Terra flees her world, she finds five teens who accept the powers; yet tragedy strikes amid their first battle. Success and tragedy go hand in hand with being a super hero. In their personal trials the new Shooting Stars must find a way to save two friends. Then they must learn to deal with their grief and continue, for their world is under attack.

 
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tags

action, adventure, martial arts, nature, space, super hero, teen, young adult

on 14 watchlists

87 comments

 

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Chapters

8

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CH 7 STAR COMMAND

    On Earth the Shooting Stars had no idea that danger was so near.  Kim and Marie were in the Commons Area having some shakes and thinking about what happened the day before.

    The Commons Area was a place for kids to spend their time, so they could stay out of trouble.  Everything was there; video games, food, weights, a mat, and a TV where the news showed footage of the Shooting Star’s fight.

    Marie saw a new guy walk in.  He was tall with long black hair pulled back into a pony-tail at the base of his neck.  His tan face was kind, but troubled.  “Look at that guy,” Kim whispered.

    “He’s probably from the new Native reservation outside of town.  I wonder why he’s here.” 

    “He’s coming straight toward us,” Kim whispered, shyly turning around.

    “Eric, my brother is sick.  Is there anyone you know, and trust, who is willing to help us?” the guy asked.

    Eric, the manager, was the man who served everything at the Commons Area.  Through the desperation in his voice Marie gathered that Eric was his only friend in this new area.

    “I’m an assistant nurse,” Marie said.

    The new guy looked to Eric who smiled and nodded his head.  “That is wonderful,” relief filled his eyes and a smile crossed his face.  “I’m Sky and my family is new here.  Do you think you can help my brother?”

    “I hope so.  I’m Marie and this is Kim.  We’ll do everything we can.”  Marie, Kim, and Sky left the Commons Area and continued on to Sky’s reservation.

    They walked along the main roads that lead out of the small city.  Near the edge of town Sky turned onto a dirt road.  Trees stood as tall sentinels.  As they drew near several huts scattered the ground.  Marie saw that the huts could be easily taken down in minuets and transported to a different location and put up just as quickly.  Sky’s family stood guard at one of the huts.  Marie heard a soft moan and walked to the hut.

    The natives were very protective, and would not move until Sky greeted a fairly large man, “Shako, Father, I have found someone who is willing to help Little Eagle.”

    The group parted as Sky’s father grunted.  Marie and Kim passed the searching eyes to find the boy shivering on a pile of straw and a wool blanket over him.  He had small red spots on his face and all over his body.

    “Little Eagle, you have chicken pox.  You will be well in a few weeks, but you must stay in bed, drink lots of water, and do not scratch.”

    “My head hurts and I’m cold.”

    “He’s running a fever,” Marie sighed felling the young boy’s forehead and face.  “Kim, get some cold water and a clean rag.  Sky, can you get him another blanket?”

    “We have many blankets,” he sighed as he fingered the dingy blankets.  “They are gifts from some neighbors.”

    “Is this one of them?”  Marie asked.  Her voice was lightly laced with anger.

    “Yes.”

    “They have so many holes.  Also in history some people spread great plagues to your people, when we first arrived, by giving them infected blankets.  We have eliminated many of these diseases but some still remain.”

    “Those traitors.  I figured as much.  I trusted them against my better judgment.”

    “Many people find it difficult to trust, especially when that trust has been betrayed.  Yet, without trust, life can be very difficult.  Please, let me and my friends prove to you of our dependability.  I will get you some blankets without holes and no chicken pox,” Marie said the last bit to Little Eagle with a touch of affection.

    “I feel that I can trust you.  There is kindness in your eyes and your touch.  But my people are sometimes blind.”

    “They will see.”

    Just then a war cry sounded, warning the camp of potential danger.  Everyone, except for the little ones, ran out.  Someone rode, on a white horse, toward the camp, with trucks inching closer behind him.  As the brave warier road by, Marie jumped in front of the lead truck as it, inches from her feet, screeched to a halt.

    Sky ran to Marie’s side and asked, “What are you doing?”

    “Men like these don’t care if they harm a native, but they don’t want to hit one of their children’s friends.”

    “Get out of the way, Girl,” the lead man yelled.

    “Why do you come to this peaceful village with guns?” Marie asked.

    “Because we don’t want them to go to the same schools as our children.”

    “I would be honored to learn with any one of these people.  I am sure they have many things they can teach us as well,” Kim said walking to Marie’s side.  The man didn’t seem pleased.  His face reddened like a ripe tomato.  He lifted his rifle taunt to his shoulder.

    Sky had wandered to the side of the group.  The leader of the mobsters was preparing to prove Marie’s statement wrong.  Sky jumped into the air, screaming, and knocked him down.  The man’s gun flew into the air and fell into Sky’s trained hand.  Sky immediately pointed the gun at the leader and he ordered the men, in a thundering voice, “Put down your guns or I will shoot him.”  The men did as Sky said, as he let the man get up.  With the gun still raised he hissed, “Leave and never return.”

     “What about my gun?”

    “It’s my prize of war.  Besides I don’t trust you with it.  Now go, before I change my mind.”

    The men left as Sky passively handed the gun over to his father, the chief, as if it meant nothing to him.  “This is the seventh gun he has given me,” he replied gratefully.  “You risked your lives for ours and you are helping Little Eagle.  You and your friends will always be considered family.”

    “That would be a great honor, thank you.  I have a thermometer to check your son’s temperature, medicine to lower it if needed, and cream to help the itching at home.  Have someone put this on his head until I come back,” Marie replied as she handed him the water and cloth.  “Keep the adults away from him.  Chicken Pox is a childhood disease and will do little harm to children but the seriousness increases the older you become.  It has been known to kill an adult,” Marie whispered the last to Sky.  Then she and Kim left to Marie’s house to get the supplies.

***

    The ship was still in repairs, but Jinks and Brandon decided to trust Terra’s judgment and started to repair other things, including: the transporter, screen, engines, and Jinks herself.  The interior seemed in more of a mess of wires than before.

    Off in a little group Christopher and Kit were talking about the little ship and Jinks.

    “There’s no reason for Jinks to leave,” Kit said.  Then added, “She has nowhere to go.”

    “She can’t go because Terra still might escape and come back,” Chris whispered, still hopeful of Terra’s return.  “Zeniff, unfortunately, will be close behind.  We need the stars here and we need to perfect our own skills.”  Then confronting Jinks he said, “Jinks, we can’t let you leave.  One reason is you have nowhere to go and second we still might need you.”

    “I would not leave even if I could,” Jinks replied.

    “What do you mean?” Kit asked.

    “We can’t repair the ship good enough for her to start,” Brandon replied as he wiped his greasy hands.  “It should start but she won’t.  The computers will soon use up all their stored energy and then we will be in the dark.”

    “Than we need to reserve the power and try to find a generator,” Chris sighed. 

    “That’s a good idea,” Brandon replied, “but it might be hard to find one with enough juice for the whole ship.  Why don’t we find another base of operations and move the computers there?  I think I have an old generator at home.”

    They all agreed.  Christopher, Kit, and Brandon, left Jinks and transported outside the ship to look around.  All around them were trees and the idea of finding a base seemed impossible.

    “What are we looking for?” Kit asked.

    “I’m not sure,” Brandon replied.  “But I bet when we find it, we’ll know.”

    “That’s encouraging,” Kit scoffed.

    “Yeah,” Chris mocked.  “You, of all people who don’t believe anything that doesn’t have an explanation, expect us to just fall right into  . . .  aye.”  Chris fell through a week spot in the ground, in the middle of his sentence, and landed with a thump.

    “Are you all right?” Kit laughed.

    “I’m fine,” Chris replied as he shook the shock from his legs.  He looked at the darkness around him.  The ground felt strangely smooth.  Throw me a flashlight.  I think I found some sort of cave we could use.”

    Brandon dropped a flashlight that he had with him to Christopher’s waiting hands.  He turned the bright light on and gasped. 

    “What is it Chris?” Brandon asked.

    “It’s amazing.  Guys, come down here.  You’ve got to see this.”

    One by one they joined Christopher in the black hole.  He smiled at his friends’ reaction.  Their eyes were wide with surprise more than the change in light.  A circle had been made by computers and around the outside were seven pillars that looked like empty glass tubs.  They had landed in the center of the circle.

    Christopher turned the flashlight to lantern mode and placed it on one of the computers.  He walked around the tall clear pillars.  Unconsciously he touched one and jerked his hand back, as if it had been burned.  A blinding light lit the pillar.  As it died down, they saw it was a brilliant white.  Small dots of sparkle floated around as if glitter had infused the light.  Brandon and Kit saw this and touched other pillars to see what they would do.  The first pillar Brandon touched glistened a cool blue, and Kit’s pillar shined a heavenly gold.  Other pillars that they touched did nothing.

    “We’ve found something,” Kit said suspiciously.  “Get the girls.  They’ve got to see this.”

    Christopher was way ahead of him.  Marie and Kim, already, stood behind them.

    “How in the universe did you find this place?” Marie asked.

    “Chris fell through the ceiling,” Kit laughed as he pointed to the new skylight.

    They hadn’t told Marie and Kim of how the pillars had been lit.  They walked around, cautiously.  Marie was the first to touch a pillar and she screamed as hers lit up with an enchanting emerald green light.  Kim’s pillar lit up a royal purple.

    “Could this be our Command Center?  Or, maybe, Command Cave would be better?” Marie asked after Christopher explained what their intentions were.

    “It could be,” Chris said uncertain as he walked around.  “I think we should have a look. . .” Chris said as he fell out of sight, again.

    “Chris, are you all right?” Kim asked.

    “I don’t think any bones are broken, yet, but I’m getting a little tired of being the one to fall.  Watch the first step, it’s the only one you’ll have.” Chris joked.

    “No, it’s not.  You just missed the steps,” Marie laughed as she walked down the stone stairs.  “We’ll have to place a railing so no one else falls and gets hurt.”

    As Christopher’s friends came down the light from the flashlight fell onto a large golden star imbedded in the floor, around which was a crystal circle.  Three rooms surrounded the hall.  Spell bound she walked toward the circle until an image appeared clothed in a white robe.  Golden hair framed a smiling face with light blue eyes.  A heavenly light surrounded him.

“Peace,” the image pleaded with a calm voice.

    “Who are you?” Chris asked.

    “I am Ryan, the sixth leader of the Shooting Stars.  You, Christopher, are the leader of the first Shooting Stars of this planet.  My team’s last operation was to build this place.  We knew that one day New Earth would be in danger and we hoped you would find it at that time.  This place has a strong force field that will only let in those of noble intentions.”

    “Those pillars have to do something with our powers, but we only have five stars and there are seven pillars.  Why? And what do the colors mean?” Marie asked.

    “There were many Shooting Stars in the beginning.  Several of the powers were lost and so until they are found and put to their use, those pillars will remain empty,” Ryan explained.  “Everyone has two colors inside.  One represents the good, and the other evil.  It also indicates how strong you are.  Not one person has the same colors.  The colors also represent what you can do.  Each individual power accustoms itself with its owner and shows the true color as time goes by.  The color becomes permanent so that when you pass your powers on the color and powers will stay the same.”

    “Terra said that if someone was forced into the powers they would turn them against themselves,” Chris said.  “What will happen if they are forced?”

    “Everyone has an evil side.  Some are stronger than others.  The power, when forced on them, makes that side stronger, or makes the good side weaker, no one knows.  It sends you into a deep coma and your body in control of that evil,” Ryan said.

    “These rooms will serve you, as a team, more than you can now understand,” Ryan continued.  “In the hologram room you can practice and get familiar with the Dragons.”

    “This is the weapon room,” Ryan pointed to another room.  “You can call upon your powers and the uniforms will come to you.  You can, also, call your weapons, any time, even telepathically if you are telepathic.  It will be hard at first, but the more you use it the easier it will become.  This large room has fighter jets that you may learn to fly and use to protect this planet.  I suggest you use the hologram room first to try them out and learn.  Be brave, work together and most of all believe in yourself and each other,” Ryan finished and disappeared.

    “I like the name Star Command,” Kim replied.  “I mean we are Shooting Stars.”  Everyone agreed to the new name.

    “We better get Jinks down here and tell her the good news,” Marie suggested.

    “All right.  Jinks,” Chris called through his communicator, “prepare to be teleported.  We found our Star Command.”

    “I have also gone over the different weapons that appeared,” Brandon said.  “I like the little gun Kim was given and was wondering if all of us could get the use of one.  There is a good probability that I could program different ammunition into it and I think we could get some impressive results.”

    “Jinks,” Chris asked.  “Can it be done?”

    “It would be a simple matter with these computers.”

    “Good.  I want them as soon as possible.  Brandon, you and Jinks work on them.  I want them done by this afternoon.”

    “It shall be done,” Jinks replied.  Christopher smiled at the gentle robot and nodded his head.

 

Chapters

8

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Sheila Belshaw wrote 1202 days ago

SHOOTING STARS:

FJ,

An excellent prologue that sets the scene and compels you to read on. You are a born story-teller. The writing is fast paced and the prose is smooth and easy to read. Great characterisation and description. This is a real page turner.

Backed.
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Sharahzade wrote 1218 days ago

Your book has stunning images that embellish the telling of a fascinating story. Shooting Stars would be as the super heroes of today. They are so powerful I can envision them in my mind as I read your descriptions.

I love stories about children. I have one here at home that takes up so much of my attention. In the passing of such short time, they grow out of blessed childhood and then the little ones we shelter and care for are no more, replaced by people grown into the way we mold them. Hopefully, it is well done.

You mold your characters as if they are your children. I believe all writers do that to an extent.

Thank you for the honor to read your lovely, descriptive writing.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

kevinwong_HoD wrote 1281 days ago

Hi FJ! I say this honestly: your book is one of the best I have ever read. Shooting Stars begins with such heart and wonderful settings, and the characters and world seem so lively and filled with your love for them as their creator, I can picture everything in my head - like I'm watching a movie inside my brain. Very few books have done this for me in my lifetime. The first Harry Potter book, and the first Chronicles of Narnia book, are two of the only books that also accomplished this feat. I try my best in my own Heroes of Destiny books to make them living movies in people's brains, but I don't know how successful I am. Your book has done it surely. I am backing this immediately, and I want so much for you to get a book deal! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

DMC wrote 1307 days ago

FJ
My spidey senses are tingling. I have been eagerly watching this book, as it got closer to the top of my watch list. This is a wonderful premise. Very enticing.
Now, most comment on the opening chapter so I thought I’d go for something a little different and after reading the prologue, I jumped into ch13 to try to give you some variety to you feedback.
Explosion:
Unlucky for some, but not for you! This is a fine chapter.
You know, this is so easy to drop into, even though I’ve missed all the set up. Sure, I’m a little unfamiliar with it all, but this is written in such a way that I can tell you have a very interesting story here. Poor Chris. We all know what it is like to miss someone. I also like the realistic dialogue and very credible characterisation going on. What a moving scene as Terra says her goodbyes. Love the idea of burying a person within a star. Far out!
‘In a dream, I will tell him.’ – great line.
A few minor typos, but nothing major. Just a little polishing and I reckon you are good to go. You have an incredible imagination and the ability to spin an engaging yarn. Quality story telling.
Shelved with pleasure
David
Green Ore

ellen911 wrote 1170 days ago

An enchanting tale told with a gentleness that places readers at ease. Like listening to a tale by a beloved auntie nestled in a cosy chair by the fire. Lovely!
I would suggest some narration of the characters in ch 1 while the father shares their story with his daughter. Drop in some details of their appearances and behaviors.
Nicely written.
Backed,
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

emywoo84 wrote 1177 days ago

Classic in style with beautiful imagery. There are a couple of issues, but nothing that won't be ironed out in editing. Backed for sure :)

K.Z. Freeman wrote 1187 days ago

entertaining read, good writing.

backed

lisawb wrote 1189 days ago

This is good, it has imagination, creativity and yet feels so authentic. There are some beautiful descriptions that place you in a top league of writing.
Shooting Stars should shoot straight to the top.

Backed with pleasure.

Lisa

A Fine Line

StaKC wrote 1189 days ago

Interesting premise. Beginning was incredibly sad. This should appeal to teens, and more than a few adults. Good luck!

Famlavan wrote 1190 days ago

Like your short pitch!

Gooooood start, small point of fact, still dark and sunrise in the same paragraph.
Wow wet nurse vanishing wasn’t ready for that (I’m going to have to start reading other comments).
I very much like the structure of the book, Dialogue neat, narrative balanced – Good luck

Joss64 wrote 1191 days ago

Backed with pleasure! Joss Morris (A Bore No More)

snickerdoddle wrote 1191 days ago

Wonderful story so far look forward to reading when I get home tonite.Back and many blessings to you.
Karen

zan wrote 1192 days ago

Shooting Stars
FJ Watson

FJ,
I love your title and cover. This is an exciting plot you have here with a super hero element and the good versus evil theme in which Terra your MC uncovers ancient powers which could transform people into shooting stars, and hopefully, save the world which is under attack by an ancient enemy.
This sounds like the makings of a good superhero film actually. Your prologue set the stage well with the old woman vanishing with the infant princess. In chapter 1 (HC ch 2 upload) we are introduced to Terra in the bedtime story scene and the reader begins to identify with her. I thought so far this was intersting , well written and you managed to bring to life in a very vivd way this alternative fantasy world you have created, which I think is a testament to your imagination and creativity. Happy to support this FJ.
Zan

GuardsMann81 wrote 1192 days ago

Great start. Them vanishing really sets the tone for the rest of the book. Backed.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn

Tony Lewis wrote 1195 days ago

Not my type of book, but it was an enjoyable read all the same. I did find the pitch a little lame, though - more like a synopsis you'd give to an agent rather than a magnetic pitch to pull me in. It started off well but faltered a little in the latter paragraphs (I thought).
I did like the prologue, though. Nice and simple but effective page turner at the end.
I read two chapters, but sorry, I can't offer much of use. I can see it will have a good all round appeal, especially to the younger adults.
Backed for you.
Tony (If Only I Could Talk)

missyfleming_22 wrote 1196 days ago

Starts off with an interesting mystery and builds from there. You are such a vivid writer and have created a wonderful story. Such a pleasure to read!

Missy

Melcom wrote 1198 days ago

What an intriguing world you have created.

Your characters carry the story and I regard this as an ideal read for your target audience.

Great work.

Melxx

damaris13 wrote 1199 days ago

Definitely a book I would add to my YA collection here at school. A few errors that a good proofreader will catch, but a captivating story nonetheless.
Backed, with pleasure,

JLux
Finding Letta

lizjrnm wrote 1202 days ago

This is a pitch perfect young adult book! It has a little and a lot of everything so far! Your prose is polished and your dialogue is snappy! Love it and BACKED - will return tonight for more! Thanks.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Raymond Nickford wrote 1202 days ago

It was as well to focus in the Prologue on the detail of the birth, for in short paragraphs that carry your pace, you quickly give a sense of something special about the little girl - particularly with the cliffhanger at the end when, 'The old woman looked about her to make sure that nobody was about to notice her...and touched something on [the infant princess's] wrist.'
As her father lovingly relates the magic of the past to her, Terra, despite the gift that she will later demonstrate when in her extremity, is nevertheless like any delightful little child; full of awkward little questions, while there is a sense of warmth and tenderness between father and daughter.
Chapter 2, ending on that poignant moment when Ester passes away before her husband, Jonathan, still leaves that sense of challenge: that Terra will now be brought up without a mother and must be strong to cope with all that will make demands on her in the story which your synopsis so well promises. Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Sheila Belshaw wrote 1202 days ago

SHOOTING STARS:

FJ,

An excellent prologue that sets the scene and compels you to read on. You are a born story-teller. The writing is fast paced and the prose is smooth and easy to read. Great characterisation and description. This is a real page turner.

Backed.
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Harper Alexander wrote 1205 days ago

The first chapter starts the story off with intrigue. Early into the second chapter, as you're describing the Shooting Stars and their attire, we see at once that you have a vivid imagination and fascinating ideas. I am certainly delighted, and will keep this on my watchlist for a full read! Will return as soon as possible with further comments.

Cheers!
Harper Alexander,
Bounty

Maria Herring wrote 1209 days ago

Nice. The prologue leaves the reader with an intriguing hook, and the end of chapter one is touching and poignant. It has an interesting cross-genre feel, and I'll keep with reading with enthusiasm.

Maria.

lionel25 wrote 1210 days ago

FJ, your prologue swept me into the first chapter. Good work. Great narrative and dialogue.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

bonalibro wrote 1216 days ago

Hi,

I backed your book some time ago.
I wonder if you might have a look at mine
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Sharahzade wrote 1218 days ago

Your book has stunning images that embellish the telling of a fascinating story. Shooting Stars would be as the super heroes of today. They are so powerful I can envision them in my mind as I read your descriptions.

I love stories about children. I have one here at home that takes up so much of my attention. In the passing of such short time, they grow out of blessed childhood and then the little ones we shelter and care for are no more, replaced by people grown into the way we mold them. Hopefully, it is well done.

You mold your characters as if they are your children. I believe all writers do that to an extent.

Thank you for the honor to read your lovely, descriptive writing.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

udasmaan wrote 1220 days ago

this a story the kind of story hat i have always loved, and you have written it well. good luch with it. backed

Shah

C.C.McKinnon wrote 1224 days ago

Your first chapter sets the tone, pace and theme well, but I loved the 2nd. The relationship between father and daughter is beautifully written. You give the reader a lot of information in the story, but it is never too much, the pitch is just right. There is a classic feel to this story and I am very glad I discovered it.

JupiterGirl wrote 1227 days ago

Hi FJ, From the taught and gripping prologue to the action packed subsequent chapters. This is a thriller that delivers. Backed JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Paige Pendleton wrote 1229 days ago

You create with a complete fantasy with an effective economy of words. I think this will appeal to a broad audience. Backed.

jtgradishar wrote 1230 days ago

The prologue caught my attention, and chapter one convinced me. This is a good yard. Good, clean prose and an interesting concept. The characters are there and, with a bit more work in coming chapters, I think will becomgin truly endearing.

A veyr nice piece! Backed.

yasmin esack wrote 1234 days ago

oh wow what a ttreat for ya
backed

Estelene wrote 1239 days ago

Hi, F.J.! While I don't read a lot of fantasy, I read your book because of your profile. Your book is sweet and sounds like a classic tale that I might have put into child's hands when the world is too sad. I do have one suggestion: It's a shame to see a story that has potential marred by errors that might stop an editor from reading, and you have some instances where you've chosen the wrong word. One is in the first paragraph: "attendance" when you mean "attendants." Another is in the fourth: "council" when I believe you mean "counsel." In Chapter 12, you use "your" instead of "you're." While spell-check won't flag these, grammar-check probably will. Of course, an editor might look past this, but you might not want to take the chance on it.

Grailer wrote 1240 days ago

Watson
I took the advice and went to CH12. Good action as claimed. Prologue is a gripper as well.
Backed
James

Charlie.78 wrote 1243 days ago

Your writting has a natural flow that makes story telling seem effortless. You paint a vivid world with great characters. One point I will make just my opinion the first chapter seems to have a bigger impact than the prolouge. Not that the prolouge wasn't good but if the first chapter was your start I felt it had the better hook, but like i said just my opinion. Backed and good luck.

Charlie. x

CBrooks wrote 1246 days ago

Lovely prologue establishing the story to come! I like your writing style, which is classic and descriptive, using speech to help define characters.

A couple of small questions; "She had used her gift to quid and council." I don't understand what quid means in this context? Also, in the first para and also later on you say "pain of children's birth", but it is a child's birth, not children? Sorry if these seem like nit-picking points but I hope bringing them up is useful! Well done on the opening, I have shelved this to read later.

Carrots wrote 1246 days ago

The Prologue establishes a real air of mystery. Who is the old lady and what are her special powers? To find out, the reader has to continue. Backed.

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 1247 days ago

It reads like a fairytale, with the same mythic resonance and depth. Simple elegant prose (a lot of "tell" rather than "show" but that's okay in this genre) and a magical atmosphere.
Shelved
Frank

LN wrote 1247 days ago

Hello FJ,

A sure hit with the YA crowd.
Enjoyed and backing this for its stylish prose and quality writing.

Lalit Navani ( Femme Fatale )

bookjunky wrote 1250 days ago

FJ,

Like any good book, "Shooting Stars" lures us in with engaging writing and hooks us with great hook. Nicely done. You are on my bookshelf!
If you get a chance, would you mind checking ot my book, "The Wild, Wild Quest"? I appreciate any and all comments/feedback I can get.

Best of luck,
J. A. Johnson
(The Wild, Wild Quest)
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=13246

Helena wrote 1252 days ago

Hi FJ, I really like this story, it reads very well, the prose have a nice flow to them. The prologue is strong and adds a lot of questions who is the white haired woman and why did she steal Esters baby. The second chapter sets everything up nicely, the legends of Corbian are told as fairytales I think this angle is effective and the bond between father and daughter comes across really well. I also like the mention of Esters visions and why she keeps them secret like the others with her talent, more questions. Then you mention when he comes, first I thought you meant their baby son but he dies so again more questions. All the questions keep the pace nicely and make me want to keep reading. I enjoyed this story and it's on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Bob Steele wrote 1252 days ago

Shooting Stars is a classic 'coming of age' fantasy with the heroine discovering ancient powers and embarking on a quest to save her world. The sci-fi twist adds distinctiveness and broadens the appeal to a wider target audience - and this is a story that promises plenty of drama and adventure. Your style of writng IMHO is more likely to appeal to children/YA than adult sci-fi fans; if this is not your intended audience you may need to make your characters and dialogue a little more sophisticated. Overall an easy read that I'm happy to back.
One editorial issue - by the time I got to C3 I was getting irritated by all the dialogue tags and qualifiers [commanded, whispered, complained, said in his cheerful voice, and so on]. 'Said' is usually sufficient, and I suggest any qualifiers should be shown by appropriate action or reaction. Good luck

Cas P wrote 1253 days ago

Hi FJ,
I have just read the opening chapters of Shooting Stars and here are some comments for you.

I like the premise and also the opening prologue. You have a good hook at the end. It's main problem lies in with the POV, as you have both the Queen's and the old woman's thoughts represented. Publishers do not like 'head-hopping' as they call it, so you should really decide on one viewpoint. I suggest telling the scene from the old woman's POV, as you could do that without revealing her intentions until the end of the scene.

Ch 1 is a good intro to the story and telling the backstory of the Shooting Stars as a bedtime tale is a nice touch. I think you need to work on the descriptions of the warriors though because I became confused by such statements as 'wore a T.shirt covered in a thick green forest' and 'large mountains towered on her chest'. I'm sure they were not meant to be comical but for me they conjured quite an amusing picture.
You also have POV problems here as you describe the thoughts of many of the 7 warriors.

I also noticed several typos and nits:
pitch: Princess on Corbian and loves anything to do with...*who* loves
with the sole protectors...with *their* protectors?
amid their first battle...*during* their first battle?
Prologue: Lose the italics for the Queen's thoughts, publishers don't like them.
The sky was still dark...colors of sunrise painted the sky....Isn't this a contradiction?
fallowed smoothly...*followed*.
soft blanket bearing her name...How did they achieve this, the King had only just named her? And he couldn't have chosen the name previously because he couldn't know she'd be born at sunrise.
Ch 1: there was no poor among them...no *poverty*.
The new warriors...*Corbian's* warriors? Saying 'new' implies the invaders.
a metal fans, with razor sharp edges...either *fan* or lose the 'a'.
energy and enemy...these two words are quite repetitive.
flair with anger...*flare*.
ended min-thigh...*mid*
Lightening flashed...*lightning*.
night cloths...*clothes*.

Nits aside, I think you have a very enjoyable story here. Backed.
Cas
KING'S ENVOY


Pitch: Princess on Corbian and loives anything to do with...*who* loves.

Rosali Webb wrote 1255 days ago

FJ
Lovely, stylish writing. The lost child mystery at the beginning is one incentive to read on, as is the wonderful way you have with words. From the baby to the now older Terra, this will prove to be a hit with the YA. Backed
Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

Jared wrote 1257 days ago

This a well written and atmospheric fantasy novel. I was intrigued by the ending of the prologue - "They vanished without a trace." I've read six chapters now and am impressed by your ability to write descriptive passages that convey the full flavour of a setting. The dialogue is realistic and there's so much here to entice a reader. I appreciate that the early section of the book is largely scene-setting with much more action to follow, but it reads very well. You haven't classified this as YA, but it would have huge appeal for this market, especially with teenage characters to the fore.
Impressive writing and a strong story-line. Backed.
Jared.

stormy101 wrote 1257 days ago

I started reading this and could not put it down! A wonderful example of expert story telling and I am sure this will get published!

BigDaddy wrote 1258 days ago

This is truly a winner. I am engrossed. Thank you.

Bill

GrahamChops wrote 1260 days ago

FJ--

Thanks for dropping by and taking a look at Ghost Machines. I checked out your profile and I like a lot of the same books you do--Ferrell especially has a talent for teaching through stories, and I love his work.

Anyway, I read the prologue and first two chapters of Shooting Stars. It feels like a cool fantasy epic, one of those "layered" stories that you can really dig into. I'm backing it for now, and I wish you the best of luck with it. Hopefully I can find time to read some more of it later this week. Thanks again.

GrahamChops
Ghost Machines

John Booth wrote 1264 days ago

Hi FJ
This is a fun fantasy right from the start - shelved

You have a deft way with characters, only a few words and we can see them fully formed.

Some of the information dumping is a little clumsy. In my view you can trust the reader to work out that Aurora was Terra's missing older sister, for example. "The disappearance of ......etc" is not what a real woman would say to her husband. I would cut back on passages in #1 as well. Tell the reader just enough to get them guessing rather than everything. For example, I am guessing that Aurora is going to return as a mysterious Shooting Star, because you dropped so many hints in #1. Anyway, it's just my opinion.

Good luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

optimista wrote 1269 days ago

Hi FJ

I started to read this chapter, but after about ten paragraphs, with me being a devout 'pragmatist' it was too much of out of this world 'fantasy' for my taste.

I'm certain you are a good storyteller, but my reading palate runs in a different direction.

Best regards - optimista - Bernie

Sandie Newman wrote 1275 days ago

I have to say your cover reflects exactly your style of writing, exquisite! I love it by the way. The title is brilliant and the pitch excellent. I love the opening chapter, just the write about of scene setting without over-doing, which I hate. Lovely name, I couldn't help smile, my sister's name is Jacqueline. Lovely writing that is very deservedly backed.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

klouholmes wrote 1279 days ago


Hi F J, I liked the legend of the Shooting Stars and the expectation of them when the warriors hit. Also the queen and the place of the women in this kingdom, the old woman at the beginning - that raised the enchantment level. The attacks from outer space are nicely fit into legend in a contemporary way.
Mostly the writing is clear and the dialogue carries alot about the characters. My observation is that the introduction of the characters is sometimes not woven in. I don't think I'd known of Thomas before his grandmother was mentioned. And the robot companion might have been introduced earlier instead of after she disappeared.
It's an urgent story and I enjoyed the heroic elements in it - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

bluewriter wrote 1279 days ago

You quickly pull us in and make us care for these characters. The story is intriguing and the writing works. I didn't have time to read all but I found what I did read worth attention. Watchlisted.
Jenny

kevinwong_HoD wrote 1281 days ago

Hi FJ! I say this honestly: your book is one of the best I have ever read. Shooting Stars begins with such heart and wonderful settings, and the characters and world seem so lively and filled with your love for them as their creator, I can picture everything in my head - like I'm watching a movie inside my brain. Very few books have done this for me in my lifetime. The first Harry Potter book, and the first Chronicles of Narnia book, are two of the only books that also accomplished this feat. I try my best in my own Heroes of Destiny books to make them living movies in people's brains, but I don't know how successful I am. Your book has done it surely. I am backing this immediately, and I want so much for you to get a book deal! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

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