I Laughed The Day I Died

Absolutely fabulous! I must admit I was a bit worried when I read the hook. It does not do this fun and emotionally engaging story justice. I really bonded with Micky at at times I wanted to hug him for comfort as well as maybe grab Simon from him;) I take notes as I go along about things I like and things that don't work for me. I only had time to read up to 10. So here goes.

-lol..."best feature" good name for it.
-Got a tiny bit lost here "lost both of my best friends" first thought came to mind 'was she tea bagging?' then..but no...she can't have all the junk in there...then finally...oh she's a friend...lol
-hahaha now I didn't see that coming, Evelyn's a he. When you said gay before i thought happy:D I love it!
-this didn't work for me...everyw...hat's that?....just do maybe..everyw...what's that?
-God *melts* what a f*ckin' great kiss with Simon...you were holding out in the forum *smaCK*
-Love...my first ghost...and the emotion *brava*
- this didn't work...my dear dear Simon...too dramatic... we know how Micky feels already use a simple...Simon
- Interested? What does Micky out of Mary mean? I dunno
- Chapter 4 would have like a better show opening here. It Thursday eve, I'm looking out the window, remembering sounds a bit cold unlike the rest where there is so much emotion.
-Technical stuff...nipples are not like erections. They don't fill with blood and stand up. They contract because the little muscles stiffen. I took anatomy.
-like the egg drop...lol
-Aw, I felt bad at them laughing at his funeral. *hugs*
-I can wait to see Simon again. Waiting. can't wait for the funeral to end;)
- um...there he is...yum...
- Dang! it's a girl..I feel just as disappointed. Boo
-come on then do her..I've got to have get some soon or I'll burst.
-Dang J! You are a tease.*SmaCK*
- okay you got me wondering about the girl.
- I can see bi...going on in ghostland. What the hell....if not it could be Micky's personal hell. But I agree with him ...a girl shaving would turn me off too. I mean waxing is different you don't get a stubble.

Loved it, but do tell...are you going to push this as a gay story or keep Micky in the closet to let readers find out on their own? It's shevled either way. Love Micky, Love the book, Love ya, Peace Out Sangay

Oh dear, i've just come to have a read at this at last - i'm so sorry i've been so slow! I'm afraid it's really not my cup of tea though, i don't think there's much point mincing around that point!

I think lots of people would find this really humorous and entertaining, though, in fact, i think a lot of people are, so i wish you the best of luck. I'm really sorry i can't say anything more useful about this, but it's just not me at all!

Jmac,
I am going to comment as I read. That is, if I can pause long enough to say something. I read right through the first chapter so easily that I didn’t think to stop and say something. I really liked it. Cute. *Was not prepared for the way died* But I chuckled. Poor guy. Really- POOR EVELYN! I was not expecting a gay ghost.
In this first chapter, you have created a desire within me (the reader, lol) to flip the page! Good job! I want to know more. I feel horrible for the pathetic ghost who can’t fly nor move through walls. So Sad :( And I want to find out if he ever finds Evelyn. So, I read on…

An Egg? –oh, good golly! I had to chuckle at the name ‘Simon’ only because I have the feeling everyone in England is named Simon. You definitely know how to build anticipation! I cannot pull away from the story. I need to read on. Chapter 3…

Very interesting take on being dead and listening to the conversations around you. I think you do an excellent job imagining what it would be like and making it feel real! I just keep reading along… Don’t know that I could read all 30 some chapters today, as I read slow, but I definitely like this story. It is interesting, inventive, and unpredictable.
>>and on up through chapter 10.... Hmmm. he is a horney guy, isn;t he. I find this very amusing :-) Unexpectedly amusing for the amount of sexual content. ...lol... I love you r characters. Intereaction and storyline. This is very unique. I have to shelf it!

Gina

Hi Jim. I've gotta say this is great! I love you ghostly voice here very whimsical and every so slightly naughty. Poor Evelyn choking to death like that. I agree with Simon. The pitch really doesn't do it justice I'm afraid. I knew from what you put that I was going to like it but it was only when I did I realised that it was going to be much funnier. Micky is a winner I think and your witty, off-the-cuff, down-to-earth delivery is really accessible and quite charming. really enjoyed it.

Good Luck!

Phiz

Hi Jim! This is a splendid and amusing premise -- a cheerful, likable, superficial, and rather Puckish man dies unexpectedly and turns into a cheerful, likable, superficial, and rather Puckish ghost, still wandering around the same people and places and having a high old time as best he can. Given the topic, the book is remarkably and delightfully free (well, through chapter 8, which is as far as I've read for the moment!) of sentimentality. Just for one example of many -- when two of Mick's old lovers show up at his funeral (one annoying quickie and one he really loved), he doesn't wax elegaic about lost opportunities or pine for what is gone; he gets pissy that annoying and unwanted people have shown up at his funeral and chortles with glee (as I did too!) when Joyce organizes running 'em off!

The comedy is a nice mix of whimsy, light-hearted snarkiness, and rather, heh heh, edgy stuff (notably, of course, the injury that sent Mick to the grave). And sometimes a combination of the above, as in poor Evelyn being reincarnated as an egg for a VERY brief little existence! Mick's voice is charming and consistent both in its tone and the sort of observations he makes (hee hee, mostly relating to how do-able people and ghosts are), and the fact that his sex drive is permanently overheated gives him a particularly funny and UNEXPECTED viewpoint for a DEAD GUY!!!

At first, I thought the main plotline was taking a long time to appear, and this may in fact be the case -- but at the end of chapter 8, I'm reasonably convinced (I'll find out if I'm right later!) that while Mick continues to learn new things about his novel condition, basically the story is a series of vignettes about what happens to ghost-Mick rather than organizing itself around a centrally unified plot. This advantage of this structure is, well, you can do ANYTHING! And the sense of discovery is more or less limitless, which leaves you room for more silliness and character moments (I am particularly fond of Joyce) and whimsical invention. The disadvantage is that a strong sense of momentum hasn't built yet. Okay, obviously I was hooked, given that I read through 8 -- the discoveries to be made and the interest of Mick's little adventures (both his ultimately quite gentle spitefulness and his enthusiasms are very endearing) and of figuring out exactly what a ghost can and cannot do -- and what a ghost IS -- kept me going. However, I think you might be able to inject a little more pace into the book by shortening or moving SOME of Mick's internal ruminations and moving more quickly between events. (For example, getting Mick TO THE FUNERAL is an important point, because we're anxiously awaiting Simon and this long-promised Ghost University...heh heh...and some of Mick's flashbacks and other such that are described BEFORE funeral-time might reasonably be moved until later in the text.)

Anyway, such are my initial thoughts -- thanks very, very much for the chance to read this, and I'll be back for the rest as time allows! And very best of luck!!!

Hello Jim,
Hope this finds you well.
Had a read of this after seeing your comments about Birkenhead to Nathan O'Hagan.
Original and witty. The premise is arresting and the introduction slick.
Your style of writing is fullsome, a little too wordy for me.
apart from that I have no major criticisms and wonder how it has done in the polls as it has been here a few years?

My story may interest you as it is set on the wirral.
Regards and Good Luck
John

Definitely original. Great opening scene. Nice job!

Evelyn the egg, German sausage, ghostly groin tingling - very funny. Backed.

Dear Jim, this is wierd and wonderful, what a laugh. I suppose it was for the best, the deathly accident, happenning at a high point in his life.

Supposing Evelyn had swallowed his penis and the paramedics failed to notice that and the doctors revived him, but everything turned out for the best anyway.

"I've had a gay life.." How drole.

Watch your tenses - The guy said if (he) ever came back, or - The guy said, "If I ever..."

Backing it today.

Eleanor and Sharkey.

Hi Jim,
This is great fun - shelved.

My book, Shaddowdon, was an attempt to consider the lives of ghosts, but I went in a completely different direction to this. However, I could have gone this way and I love the ghost clothes and the carrying on of libido after death (something I did too). No criticism of this, it made me laugh.

Good luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

This is the first time I've come across an actual ghostwriter on Authonomy, and what fun it is. A gay ghost, indeed. The idea is absolutely right for hilarious situations and the author creates and exploits them, apparently effortlessly. But this, I think, didn't happen without a lot of hard work. I read the opening chapter and then dipped into various chapters. The high writing quality would appear to be maintained throughout the book. I do hope TFL sees fit one day to install a Blue Plaque at say, the Angel tube station. Backed.

This book has sat on my shelf for a few days now, here's why I backed it:
An original idea, delivered in they way of a humorous diatribe from a dead protagonist.
You have quick rapid fire way of writing that is perfect suited to this genre and your characters. I haven't read the entire book, of course, but I hope it's a style you maintain throughout.
Fast paced like you machine gun the words on to the page.
It's a darkly funny book that adds comedy to the afterlife.
David
Bailey of the Saints.

Jim,
Finally. Glad I'm not a homophobe so I could enjoy this.
I found it engaging and funny. I was particularly impressed with your consistency in character: first person can be a bugger.
Your writing flowed well and kept me following along with an occasional snicker or laugh. Loved the egg remark.
The parapsychology aspect was quite good and made me wonder if you'd done some research for the book.
All in all, a refreshing change of pace and a good lightening of a dark subject.

Alan-Time of the Avatar

Very different and very funny. I'll never hear the words "ghost story" again without wanting to smirk.
Good luck. i'm backing this.

Oh yes. This is fabulous. Very very wry. Love the first line and love the revelations. I did give pause to think that Evelyn must have an enormous mouth if he took off the lot (which is how it reads) and that was quite a graphic image to have while biting into an almond croissant... ;)
But just so many funny lines - 'Evelyn was supposed to choke on his food' almost made me choke.
Loved 'I'm in heaven' too - was the pun intentional ie the club Heaven? Relievers? Dear god. ;)
I did wonder if there was a little too much interior dialogue in the first chapter.... but chapter two redressed that and really got it moving.
LOVE the premise, different and fabulous.
Delighted to back this.
Jane
WALKER

Fantastic humour, really entertaining book...makes my own seem a litle po-faced (or should that be Poe-faced). :D
Great work, Mr McDowell. :) Backed.

Brilliant, marvellous premise, expertly delivered. Reminds me of the recent Ricky Gervais film (Ghosts?). Yours is sufficiently different.
Shelved
Frank

I Laughed the Day I Died is based on a clever premise that you take full advantage of to create an enjoyable, easy to read and funny narrative. This will undoubtedly appeal to your target audience and I'm happy to back it with no nitpicks. Good luck.

This is a very clever idea and you do it full justice. Micky's new "life" is a revelation. I loved the humour, the darkness too, and have happily read on without pause. You really need a cover to do this book justice, with Bradley Wind's help you would transform the effectiveness of the book. Great title too. There's so much promise here.
Backed for a great idea, a fine writing style and huge potential.
Jared.

I will be honest, I have been waiting eagerly the last couple days for your book to hit the top of my que. And now that it is here I am reveling in what I knew would be a superb book, a book up my ally.
You have humor, dark humor at times. And you have ghosts. Like I said, right up my ally.
Love the name of the book. Needs a cover. Great pitches.
First chapter is fun. IT is. I laughed at parts and thought to myself, should I be laughing? But really the voice here is great.
This is a highly entertainly and evocative.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Hi J R, Nice imagining and a pleasant speculation about ghosts. I liked the beginning where Mick views his transmutation from the positive sides of it. I always liked the idea of the invisibility cloak in fairytales. You’ve written about his perspective in an entertaining way. And his attitude is so peaceful and curious in the hospital and at the mortuary. Very amusing. Shelved – Katherine

hi j.r. this is a really original idea, to recreate the journey of a soul who has just departed, by tracing the path and development of his emerging ghost. Rightly tagged as adult, the story focuses on issues of penetration and the wording is explicit. After a couple of chapters it seems that an individual's search for sexual fulfilment is the driving force in the plot, and not so much the exploration of an after-death spiritual experience. While this could have added a layer of tackiness, I feel that the sense of fun and exuberance in the writing style fully justifies the premise and makes it lighthearted and shareable for all.

In life a rogue, a roue, a rake, a libertine, a rascal, a Don Giovanni with an impressive sidekick--and after death, a ghost. What could be better, license to do EVERYTHING without any barriers. Will it be as fun? Or is it its own kind of punishment? Such as falling in love with a straight ghost. With its own set of rules? And what's this annoying thing bothering him--empathy? a conscience? And can a ghost redeem his insalubrious past?

The exploits of this wayward ghost are hilarious, the funnest read I've had here. One can't help but love ol' Mick, naughty and appealing, a gay Tom Jones. Totally delightful. I wish you the best with this.

Ruth
Amsterdam 2012

you know this is a very good book and gets more and more intriquing as I read on. you're a very talented writer and this is very good and will remain on my shelf for awhile. :)

I Laughed The Day I Died
J R McDowell

Jim,
I’ve read a lot of “fantasy” on the site since I’ve been here, usually for a target YA audience, and I think yours is, apart from fiction and comedy, fantasy for adults… Good imagination to come up with the idea for this fictional parallel universe – comedy and brilliant absurdities aside (haha), I found your storyline a very creative one, and illuminating, after all, who can prove or disprove your theories about the afterlife? Your what-if world which Micky inhabits is like an artistic canvas, reflecting the wonders of the artist’s imagination. There is no painful mortality theme or sensitive story writer here – well, sensitive as regards “some” things, but, there is certainly an opinionated writer here determined to transform man’s and woman’s perceptions about ghosts, and what gives their lives meaning, as ghosts – and the fictional reality, through Micky’s experiences, that they do “care” about those particular things you write about, is quite intriguing, not to mention comic.
Okay, to steal your opening line, “I am beside myself, laughing my head off” – your MC dying in the way he did, that silly accident which caused him to die four times in the hospital, was it? amidst the gossip of hospital staff is actually believable… what visuals you provide too! As first person narrator, Micky admits to having had a gay life of sorts - you describe that happy yet unhappy scene with Evelyn which triggers the accident, and surprise! when after being pronounced dead Micky’s awakened ghost wonders, looking around the hospital, whether HE, Evelyn “is there as well”. So, a gay ghost story is being told here – very clever plot…
In two, Micky discovering his ghost-like abilities and disabilities, is amusing. At least his male parts are physically intact, he has a beautiful set of teeth and is a very good looking ghost. In Ch three he discovers among other things, that he doesn’t feel hungry, and has no need to go to the loo – Jim, he has other specific human now “ghostly” desires, heightened it appears, so it was interesting to note how a particular one had survived…Your ideas here are quite amusing Jim, and so different say from Clare Stephens’ “Second Life” with an opposite take on a man’s experiences and desires after death. (Have you seen this one yet on Authonomy?) Haven’t had a chance yet to read more but will do so when I have some free time.

Best wishes for success.
Zan

Hey Jim,
very enjoyable. You've got a great mc in Mick, and I'm quite relieved that our stories are completely different. Obviously there are going to be similarities - the lightness and humour (yours more than mine), the cliches and the need to learn the tricks, but that's where it ends, as far as I can see. Good stuff!
Simon
ps. Did you get your g'daughter to have a look?

This is an enjoyable read. It's funny, sexy, and imaginative. It's also massive, much like Mick's prick until it was bitten off in the accident. Oh well, it's back with him as he is back as a ghost. A ghost apprentice, that is. I impressed that you decided to upload the complete novel onto this site. I guess you aren't worried about it being pilfered since you have already published it. Well, I wish you the best of luck with this. I want to come back to this if I get a little time. At present, I'm too busy to spend much time on this site. I'll try to write some more when I come back to this.

Oh I love this. A unique and wonderful story about what could happen after we die. And how he died love it.

That he has come back younger and gorgeous, that they send a yummy ghost to help him out, enticing him.

Then they go shopping and have to go to uni... oh so much to love here.

I will be reading on this is just fab.

Backed

Jo xx

Spoilt

At last! A book that addresses the REAL feelings and thoughts we would have if we were to become ghosts... not romance, or purity or heaven... SEX! This is a delightfully funny spin on an often corny genre, and is refreshing for it. The writing played out well and is slick and engaging, the characters funny and likable. This should be a success in my eyes.

Andrew

very funny intro. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

I decided to read your chapters 11 and 12. There are some really long sentences (first sentence in chapter 11 comes to mind) but other than that, I found this rather unusual and for that I applaud your creativity.

Don't be afraid to use "said" - your characters ask, stammer, mutter, reply, exclaim...the trend today is to use 'said' almost exclusively. But I could tell who was talking when, and the dialogue moved the story forward at a fair pace. Good luck to you.

Great sport...I really enjoyed what I read...On my shelf.
Micky is a splendid portrayal and it's all original.
Suggestions.
It's a little long isn't it?
One error in the pitch word missing I think 'are'
after 'there'. I wasnt quite sure about admitting its false.
I'd just announce it as fact!"
Lotsa luck with this !! Mikey The Free

JR

This made me laugh, not sure if you wanted to have that effect......but I certainly felt better about the here,now and thereafter after reading this.......It's an amazing concept, what a wild imagination you have......

if I have one tiny crit, it's that I'd have liked a bit of action via dialogue,when the doctors were trying to bring him back to life after having died 4 times.....More 'showing' as opposed to 'telling'.......that's not to say it isn't fine as it is.....I enjoyed it....

Best of luck....shelved....

This has all the hallmarks of a best seller. One of the best opening chapters I have ever read. Great idea and very well written.
Definitely backed.

I'm reading Niffenegger's 'Her Fearful Symmetry' right now, so I'm very much into ghosts learning their trade, and your book does exactly the same thing, although rather better, because yours is more imaginative and allows us to laugh at the absurdity of it all. This is very well written, well-shaped, and bizarrely funny. Backed with enthusiasm. Best wishes, Tony

Although, earlier, I thought the opening couple of pages were fun, having now read several chapters I must say this is not for me. Sorry. It felt as though I was reading the action in real time - every little detail documented - "she turned up the volume", "she lowered the volume"; events that have nothing to do with the premise of your story, and only serve to slow it up.

We don't need to overhear endless one-sided phone conversations; see every movement. We don't need a faithful record, but merely the ESSENCE of what went on. We only need to experience what moves the story forward. This is a great idea for a book but it needs to be snappy.

Different and fun. Really liked the choice of the name Evelyn - it wrong-footed me for a moment, being in a hetro-mindset.

One criticism I must make: people rarely call each other by their names in conversation, and the "Yes, Mick", "What, Simon?" began to grate after two chapters. Your dialogue and speech patterns should, in most cases, tell us who's speaking.

I'm happy to back this and help it on its way.

Now I've seen yours, would you like to see mine? (in a manner of speaking)

Richard Maitland (The Sex Stone of Agassia)

Hello, jmac - with apologies for the late arrival, old thing. This was a nice little start. There's a lovely tongue-in-cheek feel to your writing, which is very self-aware, but unashamedly so. Which is good. Only things I would say are:

- in pitch, "walls[,] but": need comma;
- in pitch, "1600[']s": delete rogue apostrophe IMMEDIATELY, else I shall be compelled to put you over my knee...;
- "[So] live": delete the 'so', I think. You don't need it, adn you sound like a Disney World ride;
- main thing, sir, is commas - you use too many of them, especially when you don't need them. E.g. "[,] actually[,]" and elsewhere, several times.

Sort out the commas, jmac, and you have a cracker on your hands. Best of luck with it - sestius

I think its an interesting idea of the afterlife being a parallel universe, rather than some great spiritual thingy..well it is, but its also a lot like an ordered society with 'relievers' and some limitations even? Interesting. Good luck with this.

I read your blurb and I liked the idea of a humorous story about a ghost.
You have chosen to write this in the first person, which is one of the trickiest viewpoints to write from as you can’t describe what is going on elsewhere, or what the other characters are thinking.
But the advantages are that it can provide an immediacy and intensity that the third person viewpoint does not give and, as in your story, it can be used to good effect in a humorous way told ‘against the narrator.’
You have a chatty style as you talk to the reader, but you have used a lot of clichés, which you could argue is how the ghost would speak, but it does sound rather banal.
Over the moon.
You might well wonder.
Seeing is believing, but believe me
The thing is.
Will have fits.
Well, let me tell you.
Look at it this way.
Try to find a more interesting way for your character to relate the story.

Your commas are scattered like confetti. They can spoil the flow of the story, making the reader re-read many of the sentences to make sense of them.
Remove commas before and after ‘officially’.
And actually. ‘might even..’
..Critical moment I couldn’t..
There are more commas that you need to correct. I would get a good editor to go through the book.

There are places where you can tighten the story.
After the accident – omit ‘I was involved in’. Readers will know that.
But the reality of the situation – but in reality
‘I watch while they re-cover my body with a sheet.’ Can be shortened to - They’re covering my body with the sheet.

And how do I know what happened? I was already up here watching myself die. And listening to their jokes at my expense – a story that will entertain their dinner guests for months.

You have them moving the body to a ‘dimly lit room underneath the main building’. Most readers will be familiar with a morgue and what happens there because morgues appear regularly on TV shows. But why would a morgue be dimly lit? – I doubt if they are afraid of waking up the corpses. I would cut out all the unnecessary descriptive details and focus on the atmosphere of the morgue – water being sluiced, the smell of antiseptic, the sounds.
That whole paragraph can be condensed to:
They take me to the morgue and slide me into a drawer, like a filing cabinet, to await the undertaker. I can hear water sluicing and wonder if they are going to dissect me. Maybe they want me for spare parts!

Keep the story moving. A main character discussing his own mental processes can soon become boring if there is no action.
I think you have a good idea for a story, and it could be great fun, but I would tighten it. Make every word count. If it doesn’t move the story along, or reveal something about the character, you should consider taking it out.
There are plenty of books on near-death experiences, and books by famous psychics who have helped to exorcise ghosts. I would use some of the background information from these real-life encounters as a base to the story.
Have Fun and Good Luck
Just4kix

What an interesting premise! What’s impressive is that you’ve managed to turn this simple idea into a novel, because I guess most of us have wondered once or twice what it would be like to come back as a ghost. The problem is, that’s as far as most of us have ever got. To get further you’ve got to draw up a set of rules for your imaginary world and provide the possibility of a journey. Not an easy task.

Yet your pitch shows you’ve managed it. Micky’s after true happiness and he has to negotiate two sets of ghosts: Haunters and Mindbenders (incidentally, have you come across John Booth’s Shadowddon, also on Authonomy? – it also divides ghosts into two groups).

Despite everything – and this is what makes his journey difficult - Micky remains as conceited as ever he was during life, only hoping that his death will provide him with powers such as flying and passing through walls (both vain hopes, as it turns out).

This is a funny and thought-provoking novel that promises to stay with the reader long after the last page has been turned. Bookshelved.

Bren Verrill
The Weird Problem of Good.

Well, I think you've given us something to look forward to here. Great stuff.
Giving this a spin on my rotating shelf.
All the best
Sue (A Boy Called George)

Well, I think you've given us something to look forward to here. Great stuff.
Giving this a spin on my rotating shelf.
All the best
Sue

Hi JR,

I thought this was hilarious. I loved the narrative voice.

You’re writing style is superb and addictive. Your dialogue and characters are very believable. It is sad how Evelyn died.

I like that he still gets to have a life even after death. It’s quite an original take on the ghost story.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

just had another look at your work- suddenly remembered it after over half a year ago!

thought I'd drop you a line and tell you I still enjoy your work.

see you bro!

Jj

Hi JR,
This is definitely different! This really had me laughing at times, you have a great sense of humour here. This is well written, witty and fun. I have popped in on it before but I can't find a comment from me. A really good read, love the different types of ghosts and your ghostly characters, especially Sean. I can't fault this, on my SHELF with pleasure!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

Absolutely fabulous! I must admit I was a bit worried when I read the hook. It does not do this fun and emotionally engaging story justice. I really bonded with Micky at at times I wanted to hug him for comfort as well as maybe grab Simon from him;) I take notes as I go along about things I like and things that don't work for me. I only had time to read up to 10. So here goes.

-lol..."best feature" good name for it.
-Got a tiny bit lost here "lost both of my best friends" first thought came to mind 'was she tea bagging?' then..but no...she can't have all the junk in there...then finally...oh she's a friend...lol
-hahaha now I didn't see that coming, Evelyn's a he. When you said gay before i thought happy:D I love it!
-this didn't work for me...everyw...hat's that?....just do maybe..everyw...what's that?
-God *melts* what a f*ckin' great kiss with Simon...you were holding out in the forum *smaCK*
-Love...my first ghost...and the emotion *brava*
- this didn't work...my dear dear Simon...too dramatic... we know how Micky feels already use a simple...Simon
- Interested? What does Micky out of Mary mean? I dunno
- Chapter 4 would have like a better show opening here. It Thursday eve, I'm looking out the window, remembering sounds a bit cold unlike the rest where there is so much emotion.
-Technical stuff...nipples are not like erections. They don't fill with blood and stand up. They contract because the little muscles stiffen. I took anatomy.
-like the egg drop...lol
-Aw, I felt bad at them laughing at his funeral. *hugs*
-I can wait to see Simon again. Waiting. can't wait for the funeral to end;)
- um...there he is...yum...
- Dang! it's a girl..I feel just as disappointed. Boo
-come on then do her..I've got to have get some soon or I'll burst.
-Dang J! You are a tease.*SmaCK*
- okay you got me wondering about the girl.
- I can see bi...going on in ghostland. What the hell....if not it could be Micky's personal hell. But I agree with him ...a girl shaving would turn me off too. I mean waxing is different you don't get a stubble.

Loved it, but do tell...are you going to push this as a gay story or keep Micky in the closet to let readers find out on their own? It's shevled either way. Love Micky, Love the book, Love ya, Peace Out Sangay

JMAC

I've read through the first three chapters and will read more, as I do like to read a good representation of a book before commenting in detail. First things first, the pitch does not, for me, really indicate where your story is going, or at least not enough. I was not expecting the first three chapters at all, and although this is good at times, I think that here you need to hook the reader some more. You have a good turn of phrase, and the unexpected is a good tool, but I got the feeling that the story didn't flow fast enough. Three chapters and really all I had was a laugh at the sausage removal and the rebirth as an egg. The feeling is that I want to skip passages and find out what happens next. My problem, I know, and I am sure more will be revealed later on.

I will continue reading and give you some more feedback.

Cheers

Rayo

I love this book ! I would buy this today if it was published. But as it hasnt been snapped up by HC yet, I will read it here. More comments later but most definetly backed,

What a laugh!! I've started reading this book thinking it was going to be some sad story about a ghost, but I ended up laughing all the way through the first chapter. You are one really talented writer, and I will keep this book on my watchlist, until I have read all the chapters. Honestly there is nothing for to critize in this first chapter. Maybe I will comment more, when I have read the rest. In the meantime, shelved!

Jim

I'm finally returning your read of 'The Bibble' - I said i would, and I try to be true to my word!

I love the premise of 'I Laughed The Day I Died', and found opening paragraphs to be in turns intriguing, shocking and surprising. It's a witty idea and is full of amusing little set pieces, and I found the main character engaging and, as perfectly described below, rather Puckish.

My only criticisms would be some of the punctuation & grammar; I'm not a major stickler for these things, but found some of the (in my opinion) excess commas upset the rhythm of my reading, and also that there were places when the word 'ghost' was oft repeated, where perhaps a variation of terms would improve things.

Good stuff though, and a great central premise!

Best of luck

Stanny

Very accessible, I think perhaps your pitch could have been a little kinder. Why was the choking to death funny? I was winking at both ends!

Hello jmac, finally some time to say thanks for the comments - I love the tales from your dads letters - send me your e-mail - I'll be in touch - DO keep on with themes like 'I Laughed.' Yes - so quirky! All the best ANNA

Hi Jmac, I just finished the four chapters of "I Laughed the Day I Died" and I think you have a solid work-in-progress. The material is entertaining, which I believe is the first and most important thing. For some reason I think it would make a great comic book series, and that is no slight on the writing, it's just that I love graphic novels as much as regular ones and the visual nature of the situations Mickey gets into makes me think it would work really well.

Room for improvement:
1) I think you need to go through the book from start to finish and do a "seek and destroy," eliminate as many unnecessary words as possible, try to find the most economical way to present your ideas. There are many spots where you could tighten things up and the pace would benefit from it.
2) There are an awful lot of cliche's terms thrown around. In fact, the opening sentence contains two of them - (I am beside myself) and (laughing my head off). I expected it to be a kind of play on words, where Mickey actually is sitting beside himself and he had been decapitated or something. A few more examples from the first chapter: "To say I am over the moon is...," "I bet their friends and relatives will have fits when...," "some people say that seeing is believing," "What's the world coming to?...," "I wouldn't miss it for the world..."

Keep working on it and it'll get there, I'm sure of it.

Matt

Jim
OK straight into the notes I wrote while reading the first 2 chapters:

* "Evelyn choked to death.." How can you possibly make me laugh! She's died for Godsake. I feel guilty!

* "Could be better than I'd ever deamt of." This is a contradiction because you go on to say you don't believe in ghosts ergo you wouldn't have dreamt about it. Consider changing this para.

* Just realised I'm reading present tense. Normally I hate it, but it is perfect here (no pun intended).

* "I'm wondering..." change this to "I wondered..." It has more impact.

* In a number of places you say "Oh god" - capitalise God.

* "Oh, my god. Panickily, I slide" - No need for panickily, we know this from what's happeneing. Keep your writing tight and delete unnecessary words.

* "Some ghost". Good ending to chap 1, but I wondered about "Some ghost I am"? Not sure.

* "Sitting down on my hunkers." While this is correct, it's a rare use. I'd suggest "haunches" or change the sentence to "I hunker down."

* "I don't know, but perhaps....and more than likely..." I'd drop the last bit "and more than likely" - again superfluous.

* I was surprised at Mick's reaction to Simon. I hadn't picked up that he was bi. Maybe that's just me, but it jarred when he referred to Simon as an adonis. Possibly drop (nore obvious) hints in earlier.

Well, Jim, you have a good synopsis and a fun story. Some tweaks are required, but you know how to write humourously without bludgeoning your reader with wisecracks and slapstick. "The Jin Deception" is totally different, but I hope you enjoy it - and, more importantly, feel able to critique it.

On my shelf for a while.

Best wishes
Murray