Book Jacket

 

rank 5918
word count 67535
date submitted 20.11.2009
date updated 13.10.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
complete

Mesmerized

A. R. Pereira

A darkly complex, alternative noir tale following a bounty hunter in the corrupted city Acheron Park, exploring the nature of desperate men and deadlier women.

 

Madeline Steele is a hard living, hard drinking, new-to-the-job bounty hunter with a host of morals and vices and a cynical view of the world to boot. Born and raised in Acheron Park, she calls it home but it's more like an itch you can’t quite scratch. The city is a hard place for a good person to live, its rain splattered streets are in a state of constant shadow and corruption. On one wet Autumn evening she meets Douglas Brentworth, a wealthy, mysterious businessman famous for his fortune and his own lack of morals. He hires her to find the convict who took his daughter and bring them back safely.
Madeline accepts the job but before long she is tested on who she can trust and how far she is prepared to go when she finds herself waist deep in bodies, unwanted police attention, grifters, femme fatales and a mystery involving the corrupt Brentworth family and the gangster businessmen that run the town. Ultimately Madeline Steele must make the tough decisions: doing right or being happy, killing or being killed, uncovering the secrets no one wants to know about. Trusting is one thing, staying alive long enough is another.

 
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tags

acheron park, black, bleak, bount hunter, complex, crime, danger, dark, female first person, femme fatale, hardboiled, heroine, horror, noir, romance,...

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4 comments

 

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Su Dan wrote 922 days ago

a very natural writting style makes this book flow. you use dialogue very well too to complete your skills as a writer...
backed...
read SEASONS...

Azam Gill wrote 1394 days ago

Mesmerized.

Good narrative flow, tantalizing dialogue and twists in the plot ensure a mesmerizing read.

Backed.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 1612 days ago

I agree with Laurie's comments. Your title is brilliant and you've got a great lead character in Madeline Steele.
Enjoyed it and will come back for more.
Frank

Laurie Gonda wrote 1614 days ago

I think this is an interesting story and you have nice description.

A couple suggestions for the first paragraph:
Rain had begun to beat down.. - try: Rain began to beat down...
...and large dark sunglasses which definitely hid.... - try: ...and large dark sunglasses, hiding my eyes from the world.
Where you mention all the black clothing, I think you need to find a way to say this without using the word "black" so much. You could start off put the sentence "I wore all black, dressed for death." ahead of the description of what she is wearing, then possibly cut out all the "black" words, since the reader will already know that her blouse, skirt, etc are black.
Overall, it's just important to watch for redundant words and using "had" too much.

Its always suggested to break up your pitch into 2 or 3 paragraphs. Nice work. shelved.

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