Pascual's Birthday

I'm sure you've been told this a million times, but this book is astounding. Any book that can move me to tears is something that belongs on my shelf. I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said by anything else. I sincerely hope you get this published.

xx Jasmine

'Pascual's Birthday'
I prefer the new cover, very strong image. Your story goes from strength to strength. It is great to see a novel evolve gradually. This much mis-understood period of history which still pains many people is dealt with fairly and sensitively here in my opinion. Yes, you may step on some toes but I feel there is much to learn about how societies operate, how families and friendships can be split and how core human values are all that matters.
As to the quality of the writing, this is a high quality novel that has been polished to publishing perfection. I would love to see a cinematic version of this - a real tear-jerker that would be. On my shelf until its inevitable medal. Nice work, Diana.
Nick
'Where She Lies'

This book and I are old friends. I read it when it first appeared on the site and was captivated by the quality of the writing and the message it conveyed. I've recently re-read all the chapters available here and my opinion hasn't changed: one of the best books I've read on this site and i'm amazed it isn't yet in print. A stunning piece of work by a richly talented writer. On my shelf with admiration.
Jake

Pascual's Birthday

You need to read this book. It teaches you strong and important things about the world, both of writing and of human hearts. First there is the economical use of words, the deep respect for the reader's intelligence and sheer simplicity of the dialogue. But look deeper into the flat mirror of this story and feel the pain of a life at its end, of loneliness and loss, of regret and joy. Bitter-sweet, elegaic, certainly, but full of hope too. Reminiscent for me of Captain Corelli's Mandolin in its human interest exposition of the past and suffused with the sadness of a special life almost over, it shines with the Mediterreanean sun. Of lemons, grapes, small boys and mopeds, whatever it is Diana's writing brings it to life, and history too.

This book should be published, that it hasn't made it to the desk yet simply reflects the ridiculous shenanigans that go on on this site day to day. Read it, savour it, learn from it. When it becomes an e-book published from this site I will read it on my Kindle, today is Saturday, that is certain and this book needs to be read, that's as certain too.

Pascual is everyone's tragic figure, a wise old man with a glorious, painful, mysterious and intriguing past. Let him tell you his story, straight into your heart. I defy you not to enjoy this story.

Best wishes - Andrew W
(Benevolence)

Take hold of the author’s hand and be led through scenes exquisitely laid out, past lives and lifetimes beautifully measured. Pascual’s Birthday glows with love and sadness. Top drawer stuff. One of my favourite Authonomy reads.

This is a very sweet opening. The conversation between Pascual and the old man (I didn't catch his name) is beautiful. You see a very patient man and a very eager-to-learn boy together, and that makes the dialogue interesting, no matter what they are talking about. I'm very interested to see where this story goes, to see what's in store for Pascual.
I'm adding you to my watchlist and will be back to read more soon. Thanks for writing something so wonderful.

Hello Diane,
I first read your novel about a year ago when I put my novel on Authonomy. I read several books on the site back then and Pascal's birthday has always followed me around in my head since. I became disillusioned with the site as I was not receiving many comments probably my fault as one needs to be very active on the site. I abandoned my quest to get noticed on Authonomy however recently I have been dipping into several books again on the site. The ones I remember from my first visits are doing well and I have also become reacquainted with your novel. Only several books on the site have been imprinted on my mind due to their prose, subject matter and attention to detail. I am particularly attracted to your novel because it sits comfortably with my novel 'The Homecoming' with themes such as loss, love, self discovery, family and the back drop of the Mediterranean.
Your book would sit proudly beside my home collection of novels and not be out of place. I wish you success in the future. If you have time I would appreciate if you could visit 'The Homecoming'
Best Wishes
Dougie

Diana, now that I am back (from swanning around Europe) I shall carry on reading your excellent novel.

I'm sure you'll have great comments from Ed.

Mary

What a wonderful beginning to what I understand a wonderful story. I was there with the old man, speaking to the boy. The setting perfect to compliment the mood, that can be heart felt. Will continue to read.

Hi Diana,

How are things going after the review, is there any news of publication yet? I'm sure I will get an answer from you in the positive. It can't be any other way!

Good luck,
Phil P.

A well-crafter opening which gained my attention; wanting to know the characters more and the misfortunes that shaped them. It's plausible story made the more interesting set in the recent past in Spain. I will read-on to learn more about Pascual. Well done. Would you take a look at THIEVES' GATE. Best wishes and hoping you'll be published ... Tony Clark

How exciting for you! Congratulations.

G'day! and congratulations, Diana.

It's been a long hard slog for you, but there's no holding back on talent! And the talent for writing is in your blood...

No doubt there will be many more books coming from you, and I'm sure we will all welcome that.

Bless you!

Regards,
KEN BLOWERS
(For those who don't know: I'm the old English gent living in Australia. I have written no novels, but I have put up six books of short stories and five books of plays.
Plus QUOTE ME : a book of 1,000 quotations, which is my most popular book so far! Here's the link:
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38541/quote-me/
And to see all the books, try this one too:
http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx

Hi Diana,

Wow! Congratulations! I was so pleased to hear you'd made it for the Harper Collins review. But it was something I knew would happen, although I'm still reading PB, to me it was a foregone conclusion. Have a truly great day.

Phil P.

I am so happy for you, Diana. It's a wonderful book and you are a very talented writer. Hope this goes all the way, my friend. And when it does, it will be on my Kindle! from beginning to THE END! Yeah? Take care, Diana.
Tarri and Denys

I thought this is very well written. I enjoyed it a lot.

I enjoyed the first chapter of this gentle and sensitive book. I'm not a big reader of literary fiction, but I would happily have read on, and would like to know the end. No technical issues. Susan

It caught my attention. Backed.

I know I'm reading a good book when it lulls me; this sings!

Very worthy of the #5 ranking.

I'm sure you've been told this a million times, but this book is astounding. Any book that can move me to tears is something that belongs on my shelf. I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said by anything else. I sincerely hope you get this published.

xx Jasmine

Hello I am Tina,

I guess you will not surprise to receive my mail? i saw your profile and it
sound well.I will like us to exchange good relationship.I am Tina
by name,No kid and never marry.from here you can contact me at this
email address(tinamark50@yahoo.com)so that i can send you my
pictures and also tell you more about myself,have a nice day
and i am waiting to hear from you soonest,

Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love and concern matters alot in life

(tinamark50@yahoo.com)
Yours
Tina

Hi, Diana. I really liked this story, and now I want to know the ending! I read it all in just an hour. I didn't notice any grammatical errors, and wish you all the best for the story. I think it's very endearing and sweet. The little boy just won't let his Apu give up the search! I couldn't quit reading until I ran out of more to read. :)
~Hannah

Hi Diana: I gave six stars to Pascual's Birthday. Your protrayal of the characters involved in the catastrophe that was the Spanish Civil War i s very evocative. The characters have depth and inspire empathy from the reader. It is filled with immense sadness thar is nevertheless tempered by the love between Pascual and his grandson. Very well done.

I would very much like to have a copy of Pascual's Birthday, is there a site where I can download it? Please let me know how much it is, and, I will be recommending it to all of my friends and relations. Wonderful book, it really dserves to be at the top!

Good luck,
philp4002

Diana, Pascual's Birthday is beautifully written and I feel very lucky to have had the opportunity to read it. I certainly have no suggestions to offer - from the cover to the end of what you shared, it became ever more precious. I don't feel a need to make moral judgments of political systems because this was not my time but I am glad to have had the opportunity to observe, more touched by the heart than the bigger issues. This is a wonderful, wonderful book. Thank you so much for sharing it. I am indebted to Fran for recommending it! It's going to be on my bookshelf until it goes gold. And when it's published, it will be on my Kindle! Take care.
Tarri
Into Light

Time to get Mum's tablets and get her to bed, I'll finish this book if it kills me! Diana, you tell this story so well, and in such heart warming way. Apart from the book being at the top, I sincerely hope, indeed I think a film should be made of this tale. I envy you your story telling skill, you can "see" what is written on the page. Looking forward to chapter 8!

Philp4002

A book to get lost in you can feel the heat laughter and sadness a unique piece of writing
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

Hi Diana,

Up to chapter 6, and Mum now needs her dinner, so off I go again! This is a story that everyone deserves to read, ok, I could be mealy-mouthed and say the work needs a little attention to punctuation, but I'm sure I'm only telling you something you already know. After all, my book is far from perfect, so who am I to criticise? What book is perfect? If I can help in any way please let me know, I would love to help you.

Kind regards,
philp4002

'Good. Now finish your tea, it's time for your bath.' Having read thus far I have to go, my mother needs me again. At 89 she has Vascular Dimetia and needs constant care, but I will come back to finish the read. What I have read so far is quite simply the best best I have read in years - no joke! Diana, you know your craft, and the content of Pascual's Birthday is so sensitive you just can't stop reading - unfortunately I had to. You fully deserve to at the top, and, I have no doubt you will achieve it!
Philp4002

I already have this on my shelf but wanted to leave a comment to say what a wonderful book!
Initially not what I imagined to be something of interest to me but once I started reading I didn't want to stop.
Scenes between grandfather and grandson are very endearing. The close relationship is made clear through actions and dialogue. These, along with the "simple life" descriptions (sharing nuts, picking lemons etc) have an almost soporific effect. The visualisation is vivid, you can imagine being there and just relax whilst you're reading.
I love the chocolate in the bread connection between chapters one and two, a great link between the two time frames.
I can't say enough good things about this. A great story. I only wish I'd found it earlier so I could have supported it for longer.
The very, very best of luck with this. I want to sit and read the whole thing one day and find out if Pascual ever finds his birthday.

Pascual's birthday is a captivating story that yanked on my heart strings immediately.
It covers an extremely obscure historical event which alone sets it apart from other books. Your descriptions are extremely details and so vidid i could picture everything so clearly. Pascual's relationship with his grandson is heartwarming and genuine and there is a sense of mystery about not learning his grandson's name. The contrast between past present is structured very well and gives the feeling of putting a jigsaw together piece by piece. The scene where Pascual is in the church remembering his wife's illness and death brought a lump to my throat and was written sensitively and believeably.
My only criticism would be that in the final chapter, when Isabel says 'what have you learnt? Have you found your grandpapa's birthday?' and then a few sentences later she looks surprised when Pascual's grandson mentions it and he has to explain: a minor inconsistency, but easily fixed.
I just want to read more!
Overall, this is an extremely polished, sincere and beautiful story story with brilliantly crafted characters.
Highly starred and backed.
Amy :)

PASCUAL’S BIRTHDAY

I can practically smell and taste the lemons from the first paragraph. The landscape and characters just cascade as they unfold all the way down to the bottom of the page/first chapter. I’m amazed at how rich the environment is and how tight, concise, and delightful your prose is. I’m very impressed. This definitely seems like publishing quality to me, and you have a wonderful style.

Wow. I can’t think of any suggestions for improvement. This is excellent.

Thanks for inviting me to read. Good luck as you hang on to that desk spot! :-)

Sarah E.S.
Destiny of Species

Lovely, and lovingly written.

*Sorry it took so long to respond to the read request---bit of a backlog this month--but it's on my shelf now, so best of luck with 'Pascual's Birthday'!

E.R.

This is a very endearing story! I can see why it is so well liked. I like it very much! The characters have come alive for me, and I want to read more. I've read three chapters. I don't know what else to say...it's a simple story that will stay with the readers. I'll be back when I can to see what happens!
Thanks for giving a wonderful story with memorable characters.

--Shieldmaiden

I've enjoyed reading Pascual's Birthday and I was disappointed that there isn't more of it. I didn't know anything about the Spanish Civil War, and now I do. The relationship between Pascual and his little grandson is lovely and the dips in and out of the past are interesting. It's nice to gradually see Pascual's story coming together and you keep the different threads of it coherent and detailed.
Your choice of the present tense for the chapters further in back in time is curious, and I think it works well to make your reader care more about those characters.
Thank you for inviting me to read this, I really have enjoyed it. You do seem to have two chapter sixes however! Great stuff, highly rated.
Lucy Middlemass
Jinger Barley and The Murkle Moon

Although I've only read the first chapter, I can see little room for improvement. You've set a good pace and the characterization is good. I like the way you've incorporated a part of history into the novel as well.
Have given this a well-deserved rating.

Ruth
To Dream Again

I've just read the first couple of chapters and really liked your work.
If I was being picky, I'd want to have an approximate year for the beginning for my own mind.
I love the way you have built up the characters in a gentle way without going over the top.
I don't know much about the Spanish Civil War, but you have given me a general grounding through the words of your characters.
Very impressed by the style of your writing so far - high stars.
Cheers,
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

PS Love the cover! Very powerful image.

This is lovely Diana! - a charming start to the story - fully rounded characters that you can engage with straight away - writing that speaks of a depth of experience of life, situations and emotions. Good intro - you didn't lose me at all and my attention tends to wander if a book doesn't grab me straight away. Loving the dialogue - perfectly pitched. Not sure exactly what you've done to get this overall effect but I love it. Touching in it's simplicity. Definitely getting shelved!! First rate!
Dorothy
ps - I'm pretty hard to impress as well.

I read what you've got posted and was sad to reach the last chapter and find that there wasn't anymore - I think this is a wonderful piece of work, and it clearly deserves to go above and beyond just the Editor's Desk. The writing flows beautifully and takes the time to allow each word to really sink in, and I think it's brilliant how the story is told - switching from the present and allowing the characters from the past to tell of their experiences in their own voices. I also think it's great how you take advantage of the literary medium to craft something that just couldn't be expressed any other way - too many books these days read more like screenplays. Going backward in time to tell of Pascual's childhood... brilliant. Just brilliant. I cannot find any other word to express my admiration. Your story is truly a work of art.

Best of luck with your inevitable ascent to the Editor's Desk, and I would love to someday buy this book in print.

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

Pascaul's Birthday is a story that I found difficult to stop reading. The story-line is captivating, the plot
well-developed and the characters authentic. The subject matter could be a challenge for the reader to relate to, but it is introduced in a gentle and easy-to-follow way through Pascaul's conversation with his grandson that the reader is immediately drawn in. A book that I have highly rated and will place on my bookshelf. Look forward to seeing Pascual's Birthday on the ED in March.
Maria (Georgina's Family)

Hey Diana I just finished your book and absolutely loved it. All hands down best book I have read on the website.

7 out 6 stars(if there was a seventh star.)

SIR LANCE

Diana,

Just read a portion of the book and I like it! It's quite different from other things on here I've read. It has a good sort of down to earth, localized feel yet the way it references larger events (WWII) connects it to larger realities.

The language isn't over complicated, which is right for this piece as the contxt is a simple one.

There were a few details here and there that raised an eyebrow. Not sure what year in which the first chapter takes place, but it felt like a while ago. I would actually like to know because that helps me place myself in the story.

Also, its clearly set in a more peasant style context. So, would they have paper servietts and not reusuable cloth ones? Not sure but I had to stop there and think.

Overall pretty good. Keep up the good work.

The first chapter immediately draws the reader into the story and I think that, when this happens, the novel is off to a good start. I look forward to reading further, having placed the book on my WL. Cheers, Peter

Hi Diana ...

You have a well written story that has a strong central character that interacts well with those around him. Dialogue is realistic, especially between Pascual and his grandson. As with all literary fiction, it is driven by character rather than plot and this you have achieved.

I have one suggstion to make. In chapter 3, you have three paragraphs that contain the word 'had'. When I have this word in my sentences, I read first with the word, then without ('that' can be treated the same). If the sense of the sentence is not altered the word can be omitted. Before a word ending 'ed' the word being past tense, 'had' is unnecessary: 'had joked'. 'had blushed', 'had started', 'had finished' (there are a few hidden by contractions, also: 'She'd had curvy hips ... She had had curvy hips, the 'd is not needed): 'He remembered the years his wife tried to do the same' ('thing' not needed). Also: 'Pascual remembered the farm and the long, sunny days spent plucking the fat, black olives ... ('from the trees' is unnecessary).

I now apologise for my pickiness, but these are only suggestions and minor. A very well written story. Backed and rated. Regards ... Duncan.

This is not my usual type of book, but even I have to say you have done an amazing job with it. You have written a very personal story that anyone could curl up and become immersed in. It touches your heard from the very first chapter. You have a gift for imagery and the dialogue is smooth and believable. Thank you so much for the read. I see why it’s so highly rated. Congratulations and good luck to you.

I found this an exceptional read. Compassionate, empathic .. very sensitively done. You are a very talented lady.

I wish you all the best with this.

Hi,

I've had a look at the first couple of chapters and this is an interesting read - it's a period of history (and country) that don't get much cover in British fiction, and definitely deserve more. I like the mood too - it's such an elusive thing, but I really value it in a novel.

I find the pace a little slow for my taste. I like the end of the first chapter on account of the dialogue, and the end of the second chapter on account of the action, and I can feel that it might gather pace gradually, but for me, it's not grabbing me quickly enough. Might it be possible, for example, to communicate at least some of Jorge's through some kind of action / dialogue to avoid the consecutive descriptive paragraphs? I don't think it necessarily matters if the reader doesn't get all the information at once. Piecing things together as you read is one of the greatest pleasures of reading, I think.

Anyway, I still think it deserves a turn on my shelf - I can't do that from this ipad (no macromedia flash) so it will sit on my watchlist until I have the opportunity, which will also give me a chance to decide where to make space.

All the best,

Julia
Time Was Away

This isn't the kind of book I'd normally pick up but from the couple of chapters I've read this is well written stuff and should go far. The best part for me is the conversation between the grandfather and grandson at the end of one, simple yet very effective and sets up the rest of the story well, it even gave me a slight case of goosebumps, which has got to be a good thing!

Chapter 1

"...grasped [the] lemon and twisted..." Is there only one lemon in the entire tree?

Loose prose. Tighten, tighten, tighten.

No hook in the first paragraph.

Consider putting, "The boy loved to peel the tough skins and suck the pulp from Muscatel grapes," first. Flesh out your lead-in paragraph from there.

What is a rope bag? Is it made of rope or is it used to carry rope?

You are evoking a visual scene like in a movie. Should this be a screen play?

Mopeds are not kicked to life. A moped, classically, is a motorized bicycle. You pedal forward with the engine engaged to start it; rather like push-starting a car with a manual transmission.

What is an espadrille? Never mind, I looked it up. The Wikipedia example doesn't have a pronounced heel to the low shoe. Is this a good shoe for working in a vineyard?

"...kicked it [in]to life..."

"...the children and the foreigners whose..." are these her and Pascual's children or the foreigners'?

"These days [however], his joints..." 'However' is not needed. Do a global search through your document for the word and cut 90% of them at least. The word weakens your prose.

"...daughter and her husband [had] presented it..." The word is not required. Look for weak and non-value-added words and mercilessly strike them from your manuscript.

"Now [he] used it regularly..." Pascual, the boy, or both?
~~~~

Three paragraphs tell me this looks like a book I might be interested in reading for pleasure (if my reading list weren't so long).

I think you need to add the dimension of the boy immediately, since he will drive the plot. Referring to him adds focus to Pascual's ruminations. Consider adding an event instead of a characteristic to the boy. "'The boy' hadn't even noticed leaving goo on the morning's newspaper as he peeled the Muscatel's tough grape skins to get at..."

You have included a few words to set the environment but could do more. How early or late in the day is it? For me, it has an 'afternoony' feel and lemons imply sunlight; a lemon tree's leaves bring thoughts of a lazy afternoon to my mind. Pascual is not lazy or he would buy grapes and lemons at the market.

You have gently made mention of Pascual's wife, long departed, adding dimension to Pascual's character.

A good human story is fairly common, an excellent one much more rare. I read and admired this work some time ago and as then still admire the enviable writing and a welll told tale. It is one on which to reflect, a thoughtful story which begs to be read. Shelving this again. Margaret.

Let me preface this by saying that it's not something I would normally read. That said, I still found myself intrigued by it and continued to read, even after I said I'd stop. It's very well written, the writing flows and I'm already getting involved with the characters. Good job!

This begins as a gentle story in a bucolic setting, reminding us to slow down and enjoy the ride. 1937 was not a pleasant time in Spain, but the author helps us understand the orphanage and the war.

The author pulls a subtle trick. I pictured the orchard and hedges, the tiled country kitchen, the Aga cooker… and then I realised the writer didn't tell us at all. Unlike many overly detailed authors, she sets our imaginations free to picture the scene, a masterful sleight-of-hand.

I enjoy this story and back it.

PASCUAL’S BIRTHDAY
This is a gentle and wonderful story. I like the way Pascual talks to his grandson. It shows his love for the boy yet reveals he doesn’t know quite what to say. The idea of looking for a birthday is original. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?