Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 11053
date submitted 03.12.2009
date updated 18.09.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Historic...
classification: universal
incomplete

Pascual's Birthday

Diana Henderson

Pascual lost his birthday in the Spanish Civil War.
Now he and his grandson set out to find it.

 

As a small boy in the Spanish Civil War, Pascual lost his family, his home and his birthday. Now an old man, he is inspired by his grandson to explore the past in search of his history.

Along the journey forgotten memories return, and old friends and enemies come to life again. But will they find Pascual’s birthday?

This novel is complete.

 
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tags

spain, spanish civil war

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346 comments

 

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Chapters

1

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Chapter 1

Reaching through the dense leaves, Pascual grasped the lemon and twisted it off its stalk. The hefty fruit was as large as his hand, and he inspected its waxy pores before lifting it to his nose and sniffing. Nodding, he placed it in the rope bag alongside the dusty Muscatel grapes. He knew the boy loved to peel the tough grape skins and suck on the sweet pulp inside.

The old man carefully strapped the bag on the back of his moped, climbed on and kicked it into life with the heel of his espadrille. As he steered slowly out to the main road, he remembered how, when his wife was alive, the two of them would walk to their land together. Over the three kilometres he would listen to her good-humoured chatter about the children and the foreigners whose villas she cleaned.

These days however, his joints ached at the change of the seasons and often his own weariness surprised him. He had been reluctantly grateful when his daughter and her husband had presented him with the second-hand moped a few years ago. ‘Apu’s Put Put’ the boy called it. Now he used it regularly to come to the land, and on the odd occasion when he had to go to town.

As he put-putted home in the late sun, Pascual planned how his grandson could help him pick lemons and harvest the almonds. Together they would visit the local cafes and restaurants on the beach front to sell their wares. He told his daughter the boy was just an extra pair of hands to help him during the school holidays, but they both knew it was more than that.

When he got back to the village, he parked the bike down the alley beside his apartment, locking it behind an iron grille. Carrying the rope bag, he climbed the tiled stairs to his front door but was surprised to find it open. He wasn’t expecting the boy until the weekend.

Inside the cool, shadowy room his rheumy eyes took a moment to adjust. His daughter was sitting at the table, gently tugging at a white handkerchief in her hand. Her son stood at her side, stock still, staring intently with large brown eyes at his grandfather.

Pascual nodded reassuringly at the boy who seemed to relax a tiny amount.

The old man’s voice was gravelly but his words were soft. ‘Marisol? What has happened?’ His daughter glanced at him briefly before returning to her hanky.

‘There’s been an accident Papa,’ she replied quietly. Pascual sat opposite her, the raffia seat gently creaking under his weight.

‘Carlos?’

At the mention of her husband’s name, his daughter nodded and began to cry, raising the handkerchief to her face to hide the tears. The child looked at his mother anxiously. Pascual wished his wife were here. She always knew the warm words that eased an emotional situation; how to express sympathy by just the touch of a hand. It was a mystery to Pascual, so he waited for his daughter to compose herself, wiping her eyes and nose with the handkerchief.

He’s been hurt in an explosion,’ she explained. ‘A boiler at old Señor Medina’s house. No one knows what happened. Carlos is always so good with the old plumbing.’

Pascual nodded, waiting for his daughter to continue. The boy stood so still and silent he’d almost forgotten he was there.

Marisol took a deep breath and said, ‘He’s in the hospital. He has very bad burns. They say he’s stable at the moment, but it’s serious. They will know more in the morning.’

‘Carlos is a strong man,’ said Pascual as kindly as his gruff voice would allow. His daughter looked at him and nodded.

‘You’re right, Papa. But I need to be with him tonight. Carlos’s mother is at the hospital now and I need to return – but it’s no place for a child.’

Pascual looked at his grandson and smiled at him. The boy stared back.

‘Of course he can stay here.’

‘I didn’t have the chance to pack a bag; you could go round to our apartment...’

Pascual shook his head. ‘No need. He’ll be fine.’

Marisol looked at her father and smiled weakly. ‘Of course. Thank you, Papa.’

Pascual stood and walked over to the boy, putting a large leathery hand on his small shoulder. The boy looked up at him.

‘Go to your husband,’ he told his daughter.

Marisol stood and turned to hug her son. Pascual watched the child’s body collapse into his mother’s arms, sinking his face into her dark curls. She held him for a few moments before straightening up. Blinking away the tears, she stroked the boy’s soft brown hair and smiled brightly at him.

‘Be a good boy for Apu. And don’t worry about your Papa – Grandma and I will be with him tonight.’

She turned to Pascual and gingerly kissed his bristly cheek. ‘Thank you, Papa,’ she whispered.

As she left the apartment, closing the door behind her, Pascual saw the boy stiffen. Quickly he picked up the rope bag, took the boy’s hand and led him into the kitchen. He pulled the fruit out of the bag and put the grapes into the sink. Instinctively, the child reached to turn the tap on and began washing the dust off the grapes.

Pascual took out the bread he’d bought in the village that morning. He tore the end off the long loaf, then from the overhead cupboard brought out a small bar of chocolate. Breaking a few squares off, he pushed them deep into the middle of the bread. He turned on the grill of his ancient oven, opened the door and put the bread on the shelf.

The boy had finished washing the grapes, so Pascual passed him a tea towel to dry them while he put the kettle on. When he’d finished, the boy fetched the bowl from the table in the next room and carefully placed the bunches of grapes in it.

Pascual made the boy a cup of weak tea with milk and sugar, and himself a strong cup of black coffee. The boy took great care in carrying the glass bowl full of fruit to the table, then sat on a chair while his grandfather placed his tea in front of him. Pascual felt two large brown eyes follow him as he returned to the oven and lifted out the bread.

Insensitive to the heat, he wrapped the bread in a paper serviette, brought it out to the child and sat down opposite him. The boy held the bread, looking at it as if trying to decide if he was hungry. Then, the thin smell of warm, melted chocolate rose from the toasted bread and he began nibbling the crunchy edge of the loaf.

    Pascual sipped his coffee, watching the boy blowing at the bread and biting past the crust into the chocolate-coated dough. Pascual remembered eating this once as a child and the comforting effect of the simple treat.

As the boy munched on, Pascual got up and crossed the tiny flat to the bathroom that lay off a corridor. He turned the bath taps on full, and while rusty brown water gushed into the bath, he opened the bathroom cabinet. It was almost bare, housing only his razor and shaving foam, toothbrush and paste, a plastic bottle of aspirin that his daughter insisted he take but he rarely did, and some bubble bath he kept for the boy’s visits.

The water had begun to run clear, so he put in the plug and poured out some bubble bath. Then he returned to the boy who had finished his bread and was holding his mug of tea with both hands.

Pascual placed a hand on the child’s small head and gently stroked the soft hair.

The boy twisted his head to look up at his grandfather.

‘Are you alright?’ asked Pascual huskily.

‘Yes, Apu,’ he nodded, attempting a smile.

‘Good. Now finish your tea, it’s time for your bath.’

 

 

 

The boy climbed into bed dressed in his grandfather’s stripy pyjama top with the sleeves rolled up. Sitting on the bed, the old man tucked the sheet in and laid a light blanket over him.

‘Apu?’ whispered the little boy.

‘Yes?’

‘Is Papa going to die?’

‘I don’t know,’ he replied after a brief pause. Although he knew his daughter often sugar-coated difficult news, he had always been completely honest with his own children.

The boy’s large eyes peered up at him.

‘I am not a doctor. The hospital is full of doctors. They will do everything they can to make him better.’

‘But will he be alright?’ persisted the boy.

‘Your father is a good man. And he still has a great many things to do in his life. Like watching you grow up. I know he will fight as hard as he can,’ said Pascual.

The boy nodded thoughtfully.

‘Apu?’

‘Yes.’

‘How old were you when your Papa died?’

The question took Pascual aback, and for a moment he studied the boy, considering his answer.

    ‘I don’t know,’ he said quietly, gently shaking his head.

    ‘Why not?’ the boy asked, puzzled.

    ‘Well,’ began Pascual, ‘it was the war...’

    ‘The Second World War?’ interrupted the boy, ‘Our teacher told us about that – she said Spain was um...’

    ‘Neutral?’ suggested Pascual.

    ‘Yes; didn’t get involved.’

    ‘That’s right. But that’s because Spain had only just finished its own war.’

    ‘Who were they fighting?’ asked the boy.

    ‘Themselves,’ said the old man.

    ‘How can a country fight itself?’

    ‘When people have different views, it can end in a fight. You must have seen that at school.’

    The boy nodded.

    ‘Some people take the side of one person in the fight, and some people take the other person’s side.’

    The boy nodded again.

    ‘Well, in this case, the whole country took one side or another. And the whole country fought each other.’

    ‘Who was on the right side?’

    ‘It wasn’t that simple. It was a fight between the rich and the poor. Between people who believed in God, and people who didn’t. Between people who wanted to do things in the traditional way, and those who wanted to be more modern.’

    ‘I would be on the side of the poor people who believed in God,’ said the boy decisively.

    ‘Well then, you would have been on both sides,’ said the old man.

    ‘What?’ said the boy, shocked. 

    ‘It’s true. In those days, the church was very rich and powerful. The poor workers and farmers wanted change; they wanted their own land and better working conditions. The church did not want change. So the two were on opposite sides in the war.’

    The boy shook his head, unable to understand.

    ‘At the time, I think it seemed an easy decision. You were either for freedom – freedom from poverty, freedom from greedy bosses and landowners, even freedom from the Church. Or you wanted things to stay the same, and for the government to be very strict about keeping it that way.’

    ‘And what happened? Who won?’

    ‘The people who wanted to keep things as they were. A man called General Franco won the war.’

    ‘Does he still run Spain?’

    ‘No,’ said Pascual. ‘Franco died many years ago and Spain has changed a great deal since the war.

    ‘Apu?’ said the boy.

    ‘Yes?’

    ‘Which side were you on?’

    ‘I was just a boy. I wasn’t on a side.’

    ‘But you must have wanted one side more than the other’

    ‘Well,’ said Pascual thoughtfully. ‘I lived in an orphanage which was run by the Church – so they taught me that we must believe in God, and anyone who is against that belief is an evil person.

    ‘But when the war was over, I worked with farmers and workmen who had fought on the other side. I knew what it was to be hungry, and can understand why they fought for a better life.’

    ‘But Apu, you can’t be on both sides.’

    The old man sighed, seeing the boy would not accept an inconclusive answer. ‘I do not like violence, but I suppose if I had to fight for one side, it would have been the Rojos.’

    The Rojos? Which side was that?’

    ‘The Republican side. The ones that wanted change. The colour red has often been used by those fighting for the poor people.’

    ‘Why the Rojos, Apu? Why choose that side?’

    ‘It’s just a feeling that it was the right side. When it comes to difficult decisions, you can listen to your head or your heart. I am not an educated man, so I listen to my heart.’

    The old man smiled at the boy and kissed the top of his head.

    ‘Now,’ he said, ‘time for sleep.’

    ‘But, Apu,’ said the boy, ‘you didn’t tell me about your Papa.’

    ‘There’s nothing to tell. He probably died in the war. Many people did.’

    ‘Probably?’

    ‘I don’t remember.’

    ‘You don’t remember your Papa dying?’ said the boy.

    ‘I was brought up in an orphanage, but I don’t remember anything before I arrived there. It’s as if my memory was wiped clean. I’ve tried to remember but I can’t. Not a face, not a name. I tried to find out, but many records were destroyed during the war.’

    ‘How old were you when you went to live at the orphanage?’

    ‘About your age, maybe? I don’t know.’

    ‘I don’t understand,’ said the boy. He shook his head in puzzlement.

‘I know which year I arrived at the orphanage. But I don’t know what year I was born.’

The boy thought for a moment, his brow wrinkled.

‘So,’ the boy said hesitantly, ‘so you don’t know how old you are? Even now?’

‘No.’

‘And, you don’t know when your birthday is?’

‘No,’ said Pascual. ‘I don’t have a birthday.’

 

Chapters

1

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HarperCollins Wrote

‘Pascual’s Birthday’ is a book which deals with an old man’s attempt to recover – and discover – his own past, enthusiastically encouraged and assisted by his grandson. Together, they travel through Spain to the former orphanage where Pascual grew up, as a traumatised child of uncertain parentage during the Spanish Civil War. While they follow Pascual and his grandson on their search for Pascual’s birthday, the reader also encounters the personal experiences of other characters alive during Pascual’s boyhood. Gradually, the narrative builds up a fuller picture of events than Pascual himself is aware of.

Before I start this review in earnest, I would like to say that I enjoyed reading this. I am half Catalan myself, and the civil war is something which still resonates strongly for my mother. I have often found myself put off by overly sentimentalised treatments of the war in other books – including even ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’ – and I was pleased that your work avoided this trap. I think that ‘Pascual’s Birthday’ has the potential to be a marketable and publishable novel, but I won’t get ahead of myself.

The work itself has much to commend it, and I’ll run through these assets first of all. The prose is accomplished, and at times verges on brilliance: the combination of good attention to detail and a minimal style (reminiscent, at its strongest, of Hemingway’s) works nicely. This is particularly evident in the opening passage where Pascual is at his farm. Another strong point of the simplicity of the work is that it makes for an easy but pleasing – and not dull – reading experience, which has the knock on effect of engaging the reader with the story quite swiftly. Speaking of which, the narrative covers good subject zones – family, self-discovery, historical elements – without the combination of its elements proving jarring.

I would suggest that the strongest aspects of ‘Pascual’s Birthday’, are its format and unusual subject matter. The perspectival ‘flashback’ chapters add an almost forensic current to the novel, which is useful for snagging a reader and also adds some formal meatiness to the work. The Spanish Civil War is something that many readers will be largely ignorant of, which could be a two-edged blade in terms of marketability; however this is where the plot itself comes in handy, as Pascual and his grandson make for an appealing pairing.

There are, however, a few flaws in the work which require attention. The first is a sense of vagueness surrounding Pascual and particularly his grandson. Although a reader could probably work out Pascual’s age, his grandson is not named at all in the excerpt provided, and neither is his age determined. Given the style of the work as a whole, I’m fully aware that this is likely an ‘affect’ on your part. However, I would argue that in order to pull in a readership who may not necessarily care about the Spanish Civil War, it is vital to centre a reader in on these figures a little more, particularly ‘the boy’.

Another issue at present is that some of the minor characters are rather ‘thin’: in particular the ‘bad guy’ figures of Captain Garcia and Don Garcia (who may well be the same person, perhaps?). The way in which those two are conveyed (or convey themselves) as repugnant comes across too obviously, almost pantomimic at times: the beginning of chapter four and Don Garcia’s speechifying spring to mind. The effect of this is that it kills some of the realness of them as figures, making them more like cut-out villains than actual, if off-putting, people.

Aside from this, there aren’t many problems in the text: just a few minor points of style, a couple of missing ‘that’s, the aspirin bottle line being a little clichéd, etc. All of which could be ironed out without trouble. I think that the main thing which needs to happen is for the weaker parts of the prose to be brought up to the standard of the strongest parts.

In summary, ‘Pascual’s Birthday’ certainly possesses promise. To be perfectly honest, I do not feel that I can pass a proper judgment on its publishability until the whole book is made available, as potentially a huge amount rests on the calibre of what happens next. In the meanwhile, I would say that there would be no harm in trying to rectify the weaknesses I highlighted, and to raise the quality of the book as a whole to that of its best elements.

Textual Ribbons wrote 449 days ago

I'm sure you've been told this a million times, but this book is astounding. Any book that can move me to tears is something that belongs on my shelf. I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said by anything else. I sincerely hope you get this published.

xx Jasmine

Nick Goulding wrote 471 days ago

'Pascual's Birthday'
I prefer the new cover, very strong image. Your story goes from strength to strength. It is great to see a novel evolve gradually. This much mis-understood period of history which still pains many people is dealt with fairly and sensitively here in my opinion. Yes, you may step on some toes but I feel there is much to learn about how societies operate, how families and friendships can be split and how core human values are all that matters.
As to the quality of the writing, this is a high quality novel that has been polished to publishing perfection. I would love to see a cinematic version of this - a real tear-jerker that would be. On my shelf until its inevitable medal. Nice work, Diana.
Nick
'Where She Lies'

Jake Barton wrote 547 days ago

This book and I are old friends. I read it when it first appeared on the site and was captivated by the quality of the writing and the message it conveyed. I've recently re-read all the chapters available here and my opinion hasn't changed: one of the best books I've read on this site and i'm amazed it isn't yet in print. A stunning piece of work by a richly talented writer. On my shelf with admiration.
Jake

Andrew W. wrote 584 days ago

Pascual's Birthday

You need to read this book. It teaches you strong and important things about the world, both of writing and of human hearts. First there is the economical use of words, the deep respect for the reader's intelligence and sheer simplicity of the dialogue. But look deeper into the flat mirror of this story and feel the pain of a life at its end, of loneliness and loss, of regret and joy. Bitter-sweet, elegaic, certainly, but full of hope too. Reminiscent for me of Captain Corelli's Mandolin in its human interest exposition of the past and suffused with the sadness of a special life almost over, it shines with the Mediterreanean sun. Of lemons, grapes, small boys and mopeds, whatever it is Diana's writing brings it to life, and history too.

This book should be published, that it hasn't made it to the desk yet simply reflects the ridiculous shenanigans that go on on this site day to day. Read it, savour it, learn from it. When it becomes an e-book published from this site I will read it on my Kindle, today is Saturday, that is certain and this book needs to be read, that's as certain too.

Pascual is everyone's tragic figure, a wise old man with a glorious, painful, mysterious and intriguing past. Let him tell you his story, straight into your heart. I defy you not to enjoy this story.

Best wishes - Andrew W
(Benevolence)

B. Worm wrote 952 days ago

Take hold of the author’s hand and be led through scenes exquisitely laid out, past lives and lifetimes beautifully measured. Pascual’s Birthday glows with love and sadness. Top drawer stuff. One of my favourite Authonomy reads.

superostah wrote 122 days ago

This is a very sweet opening. The conversation between Pascual and the old man (I didn't catch his name) is beautiful. You see a very patient man and a very eager-to-learn boy together, and that makes the dialogue interesting, no matter what they are talking about. I'm very interested to see where this story goes, to see what's in store for Pascual.
I'm adding you to my watchlist and will be back to read more soon. Thanks for writing something so wonderful.

Douglas McHale wrote 221 days ago

Hello Diane,
I first read your novel about a year ago when I put my novel on Authonomy. I read several books on the site back then and Pascal's birthday has always followed me around in my head since. I became disillusioned with the site as I was not receiving many comments probably my fault as one needs to be very active on the site. I abandoned my quest to get noticed on Authonomy however recently I have been dipping into several books again on the site. The ones I remember from my first visits are doing well and I have also become reacquainted with your novel. Only several books on the site have been imprinted on my mind due to their prose, subject matter and attention to detail. I am particularly attracted to your novel because it sits comfortably with my novel 'The Homecoming' with themes such as loss, love, self discovery, family and the back drop of the Mediterranean.
Your book would sit proudly beside my home collection of novels and not be out of place. I wish you success in the future. If you have time I would appreciate if you could visit 'The Homecoming'
Best Wishes
Dougie

readaholic wrote 391 days ago

Diana, now that I am back (from swanning around Europe) I shall carry on reading your excellent novel.

I'm sure you'll have great comments from Ed.

Mary

JanAbel wrote 421 days ago

What a wonderful beginning to what I understand a wonderful story. I was there with the old man, speaking to the boy. The setting perfect to compliment the mood, that can be heart felt. Will continue to read.

philp4002 wrote 428 days ago

Hi Diana,

How are things going after the review, is there any news of publication yet? I'm sure I will get an answer from you in the positive. It can't be any other way!

Good luck,
Phil P.

tony6clark wrote 441 days ago

A well-crafter opening which gained my attention; wanting to know the characters more and the misfortunes that shaped them. It's plausible story made the more interesting set in the recent past in Spain. I will read-on to learn more about Pascual. Well done. Would you take a look at THIEVES' GATE. Best wishes and hoping you'll be published ... Tony Clark

Shawn Hendricks wrote 444 days ago

How exciting for you! Congratulations.

KenQld wrote 445 days ago


G'day! and congratulations, Diana.

It's been a long hard slog for you, but there's no holding back on talent! And the talent for writing is in your blood...

No doubt there will be many more books coming from you, and I'm sure we will all welcome that.

Bless you!

Regards,
KEN BLOWERS
(For those who don't know: I'm the old English gent living in Australia. I have written no novels, but I have put up six books of short stories and five books of plays.
Plus QUOTE ME : a book of 1,000 quotations, which is my most popular book so far! Here's the link:
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38541/quote-me/
And to see all the books, try this one too:
http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx

philp4002 wrote 446 days ago

Hi Diana,

Wow! Congratulations! I was so pleased to hear you'd made it for the Harper Collins review. But it was something I knew would happen, although I'm still reading PB, to me it was a foregone conclusion. Have a truly great day.

Phil P.

Tarri wrote 446 days ago

I am so happy for you, Diana. It's a wonderful book and you are a very talented writer. Hope this goes all the way, my friend. And when it does, it will be on my Kindle! from beginning to THE END! Yeah? Take care, Diana.
Tarri and Denys

sausages12345 wrote 446 days ago

I thought this is very well written. I enjoyed it a lot.

SusanMK wrote 447 days ago

I enjoyed the first chapter of this gentle and sensitive book. I'm not a big reader of literary fiction, but I would happily have read on, and would like to know the end. No technical issues. Susan

Wm. Mosher wrote 448 days ago

It caught my attention. Backed.

Sarah Parish wrote 449 days ago

I know I'm reading a good book when it lulls me; this sings!

KathyJohn wrote 449 days ago

Very worthy of the #5 ranking.

Textual Ribbons wrote 449 days ago

I'm sure you've been told this a million times, but this book is astounding. Any book that can move me to tears is something that belongs on my shelf. I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said by anything else. I sincerely hope you get this published.

xx Jasmine

tinababy0 wrote 449 days ago

Hello I am Tina,

I guess you will not surprise to receive my mail? i saw your profile and it
sound well.I will like us to exchange good relationship.I am Tina
by name,No kid and never marry.from here you can contact me at this
email address(tinamark50@yahoo.com)so that i can send you my
pictures and also tell you more about myself,have a nice day
and i am waiting to hear from you soonest,

Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love and concern matters alot in life

(tinamark50@yahoo.com)
Yours
Tina

HGridley wrote 450 days ago

Hi, Diana. I really liked this story, and now I want to know the ending! I read it all in just an hour. I didn't notice any grammatical errors, and wish you all the best for the story. I think it's very endearing and sweet. The little boy just won't let his Apu give up the search! I couldn't quit reading until I ran out of more to read. :)
~Hannah

Denys Leclerc wrote 450 days ago

Hi Diana: I gave six stars to Pascual's Birthday. Your protrayal of the characters involved in the catastrophe that was the Spanish Civil War i s very evocative. The characters have depth and inspire empathy from the reader. It is filled with immense sadness thar is nevertheless tempered by the love between Pascual and his grandson. Very well done.

philp4002 wrote 451 days ago

I would very much like to have a copy of Pascual's Birthday, is there a site where I can download it? Please let me know how much it is, and, I will be recommending it to all of my friends and relations. Wonderful book, it really dserves to be at the top!

Good luck,
philp4002

Tarri wrote 451 days ago

Diana, Pascual's Birthday is beautifully written and I feel very lucky to have had the opportunity to read it. I certainly have no suggestions to offer - from the cover to the end of what you shared, it became ever more precious. I don't feel a need to make moral judgments of political systems because this was not my time but I am glad to have had the opportunity to observe, more touched by the heart than the bigger issues. This is a wonderful, wonderful book. Thank you so much for sharing it. I am indebted to Fran for recommending it! It's going to be on my bookshelf until it goes gold. And when it's published, it will be on my Kindle! Take care.
Tarri
Into Light

philp4002 wrote 451 days ago

Time to get Mum's tablets and get her to bed, I'll finish this book if it kills me! Diana, you tell this story so well, and in such heart warming way. Apart from the book being at the top, I sincerely hope, indeed I think a film should be made of this tale. I envy you your story telling skill, you can "see" what is written on the page. Looking forward to chapter 8!

Philp4002

Wilma1 wrote 451 days ago

A book to get lost in you can feel the heat laughter and sadness a unique piece of writing
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

philp4002 wrote 451 days ago

Hi Diana,

Up to chapter 6, and Mum now needs her dinner, so off I go again! This is a story that everyone deserves to read, ok, I could be mealy-mouthed and say the work needs a little attention to punctuation, but I'm sure I'm only telling you something you already know. After all, my book is far from perfect, so who am I to criticise? What book is perfect? If I can help in any way please let me know, I would love to help you.

Kind regards,
philp4002

philp4002 wrote 452 days ago

'Good. Now finish your tea, it's time for your bath.' Having read thus far I have to go, my mother needs me again. At 89 she has Vascular Dimetia and needs constant care, but I will come back to finish the read. What I have read so far is quite simply the best best I have read in years - no joke! Diana, you know your craft, and the content of Pascual's Birthday is so sensitive you just can't stop reading - unfortunately I had to. You fully deserve to at the top, and, I have no doubt you will achieve it!
Philp4002

BabyStar wrote 453 days ago

I already have this on my shelf but wanted to leave a comment to say what a wonderful book!
Initially not what I imagined to be something of interest to me but once I started reading I didn't want to stop.
Scenes between grandfather and grandson are very endearing. The close relationship is made clear through actions and dialogue. These, along with the "simple life" descriptions (sharing nuts, picking lemons etc) have an almost soporific effect. The visualisation is vivid, you can imagine being there and just relax whilst you're reading.
I love the chocolate in the bread connection between chapters one and two, a great link between the two time frames.
I can't say enough good things about this. A great story. I only wish I'd found it earlier so I could have supported it for longer.
The very, very best of luck with this. I want to sit and read the whole thing one day and find out if Pascual ever finds his birthday.

Amy Smith wrote 453 days ago

Pascual's birthday is a captivating story that yanked on my heart strings immediately.
It covers an extremely obscure historical event which alone sets it apart from other books. Your descriptions are extremely details and so vidid i could picture everything so clearly. Pascual's relationship with his grandson is heartwarming and genuine and there is a sense of mystery about not learning his grandson's name. The contrast between past present is structured very well and gives the feeling of putting a jigsaw together piece by piece. The scene where Pascual is in the church remembering his wife's illness and death brought a lump to my throat and was written sensitively and believeably.
My only criticism would be that in the final chapter, when Isabel says 'what have you learnt? Have you found your grandpapa's birthday?' and then a few sentences later she looks surprised when Pascual's grandson mentions it and he has to explain: a minor inconsistency, but easily fixed.
I just want to read more!
Overall, this is an extremely polished, sincere and beautiful story story with brilliantly crafted characters.
Highly starred and backed.
Amy :)

ses7 wrote 454 days ago

PASCUAL’S BIRTHDAY

I can practically smell and taste the lemons from the first paragraph. The landscape and characters just cascade as they unfold all the way down to the bottom of the page/first chapter. I’m amazed at how rich the environment is and how tight, concise, and delightful your prose is. I’m very impressed. This definitely seems like publishing quality to me, and you have a wonderful style.

Wow. I can’t think of any suggestions for improvement. This is excellent.

Thanks for inviting me to read. Good luck as you hang on to that desk spot! :-)

Sarah E.S.
Destiny of Species

Eponymous Rox wrote 454 days ago

Lovely, and lovingly written.

*Sorry it took so long to respond to the read request---bit of a backlog this month--but it's on my shelf now, so best of luck with 'Pascual's Birthday'!

E.R.

Shieldmaiden wrote 455 days ago

This is a very endearing story! I can see why it is so well liked. I like it very much! The characters have come alive for me, and I want to read more. I've read three chapters. I don't know what else to say...it's a simple story that will stay with the readers. I'll be back when I can to see what happens!
Thanks for giving a wonderful story with memorable characters.

--Shieldmaiden

Lucy Middlemass wrote 456 days ago

I've enjoyed reading Pascual's Birthday and I was disappointed that there isn't more of it. I didn't know anything about the Spanish Civil War, and now I do. The relationship between Pascual and his little grandson is lovely and the dips in and out of the past are interesting. It's nice to gradually see Pascual's story coming together and you keep the different threads of it coherent and detailed.
Your choice of the present tense for the chapters further in back in time is curious, and I think it works well to make your reader care more about those characters.
Thank you for inviting me to read this, I really have enjoyed it. You do seem to have two chapter sixes however! Great stuff, highly rated.
Lucy Middlemass
Jinger Barley and The Murkle Moon

Ruth2904 wrote 456 days ago

Although I've only read the first chapter, I can see little room for improvement. You've set a good pace and the characterization is good. I like the way you've incorporated a part of history into the novel as well.
Have given this a well-deserved rating.

Ruth
To Dream Again

Geddy25 wrote 457 days ago

I've just read the first couple of chapters and really liked your work.
If I was being picky, I'd want to have an approximate year for the beginning for my own mind.
I love the way you have built up the characters in a gentle way without going over the top.
I don't know much about the Spanish Civil War, but you have given me a general grounding through the words of your characters.
Very impressed by the style of your writing so far - high stars.
Cheers,
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

D. McCluskie wrote 457 days ago

PS Love the cover! Very powerful image.

D. McCluskie wrote 457 days ago

This is lovely Diana! - a charming start to the story - fully rounded characters that you can engage with straight away - writing that speaks of a depth of experience of life, situations and emotions. Good intro - you didn't lose me at all and my attention tends to wander if a book doesn't grab me straight away. Loving the dialogue - perfectly pitched. Not sure exactly what you've done to get this overall effect but I love it. Touching in it's simplicity. Definitely getting shelved!! First rate!
Dorothy
ps - I'm pretty hard to impress as well.

liberscriptus wrote 458 days ago

I read what you've got posted and was sad to reach the last chapter and find that there wasn't anymore - I think this is a wonderful piece of work, and it clearly deserves to go above and beyond just the Editor's Desk. The writing flows beautifully and takes the time to allow each word to really sink in, and I think it's brilliant how the story is told - switching from the present and allowing the characters from the past to tell of their experiences in their own voices. I also think it's great how you take advantage of the literary medium to craft something that just couldn't be expressed any other way - too many books these days read more like screenplays. Going backward in time to tell of Pascual's childhood... brilliant. Just brilliant. I cannot find any other word to express my admiration. Your story is truly a work of art.

Best of luck with your inevitable ascent to the Editor's Desk, and I would love to someday buy this book in print.

Cheers,
M.
Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

Maria Constantine wrote 458 days ago

Pascaul's Birthday is a story that I found difficult to stop reading. The story-line is captivating, the plot
well-developed and the characters authentic. The subject matter could be a challenge for the reader to relate to, but it is introduced in a gentle and easy-to-follow way through Pascaul's conversation with his grandson that the reader is immediately drawn in. A book that I have highly rated and will place on my bookshelf. Look forward to seeing Pascual's Birthday on the ED in March.
Maria (Georgina's Family)

SIR LANCE wrote 458 days ago

Hey Diana I just finished your book and absolutely loved it. All hands down best book I have read on the website.

7 out 6 stars(if there was a seventh star.)

SIR LANCE

swhittaker79 wrote 459 days ago

Diana,

Just read a portion of the book and I like it! It's quite different from other things on here I've read. It has a good sort of down to earth, localized feel yet the way it references larger events (WWII) connects it to larger realities.

The language isn't over complicated, which is right for this piece as the contxt is a simple one.

There were a few details here and there that raised an eyebrow. Not sure what year in which the first chapter takes place, but it felt like a while ago. I would actually like to know because that helps me place myself in the story.

Also, its clearly set in a more peasant style context. So, would they have paper servietts and not reusuable cloth ones? Not sure but I had to stop there and think.

Overall pretty good. Keep up the good work.

Dr Peter Scottney-Turbill wrote 461 days ago

The first chapter immediately draws the reader into the story and I think that, when this happens, the novel is off to a good start. I look forward to reading further, having placed the book on my WL. Cheers, Peter

Duncan Watt wrote 461 days ago

Hi Diana ...

You have a well written story that has a strong central character that interacts well with those around him. Dialogue is realistic, especially between Pascual and his grandson. As with all literary fiction, it is driven by character rather than plot and this you have achieved.

I have one suggstion to make. In chapter 3, you have three paragraphs that contain the word 'had'. When I have this word in my sentences, I read first with the word, then without ('that' can be treated the same). If the sense of the sentence is not altered the word can be omitted. Before a word ending 'ed' the word being past tense, 'had' is unnecessary: 'had joked'. 'had blushed', 'had started', 'had finished' (there are a few hidden by contractions, also: 'She'd had curvy hips ... She had had curvy hips, the 'd is not needed): 'He remembered the years his wife tried to do the same' ('thing' not needed). Also: 'Pascual remembered the farm and the long, sunny days spent plucking the fat, black olives ... ('from the trees' is unnecessary).

I now apologise for my pickiness, but these are only suggestions and minor. A very well written story. Backed and rated. Regards ... Duncan.

CGHarris wrote 462 days ago

This is not my usual type of book, but even I have to say you have done an amazing job with it. You have written a very personal story that anyone could curl up and become immersed in. It touches your heard from the very first chapter. You have a gift for imagery and the dialogue is smooth and believable. Thank you so much for the read. I see why it’s so highly rated. Congratulations and good luck to you.

St. John wrote 463 days ago

I found this an exceptional read. Compassionate, empathic .. very sensitively done. You are a very talented lady.

I wish you all the best with this.

Julia Strand wrote 463 days ago

Hi,

I've had a look at the first couple of chapters and this is an interesting read - it's a period of history (and country) that don't get much cover in British fiction, and definitely deserve more. I like the mood too - it's such an elusive thing, but I really value it in a novel.

I find the pace a little slow for my taste. I like the end of the first chapter on account of the dialogue, and the end of the second chapter on account of the action, and I can feel that it might gather pace gradually, but for me, it's not grabbing me quickly enough. Might it be possible, for example, to communicate at least some of Jorge's through some kind of action / dialogue to avoid the consecutive descriptive paragraphs? I don't think it necessarily matters if the reader doesn't get all the information at once. Piecing things together as you read is one of the greatest pleasures of reading, I think.

Anyway, I still think it deserves a turn on my shelf - I can't do that from this ipad (no macromedia flash) so it will sit on my watchlist until I have the opportunity, which will also give me a chance to decide where to make space.

All the best,

Julia
Time Was Away

T J Pallett wrote 463 days ago

This isn't the kind of book I'd normally pick up but from the couple of chapters I've read this is well written stuff and should go far. The best part for me is the conversation between the grandfather and grandson at the end of one, simple yet very effective and sets up the rest of the story well, it even gave me a slight case of goosebumps, which has got to be a good thing!

Shawn Hendricks wrote 464 days ago

Chapter 1

"...grasped [the] lemon and twisted..." Is there only one lemon in the entire tree?

Loose prose. Tighten, tighten, tighten.

No hook in the first paragraph.

Consider putting, "The boy loved to peel the tough skins and suck the pulp from Muscatel grapes," first. Flesh out your lead-in paragraph from there.

What is a rope bag? Is it made of rope or is it used to carry rope?

You are evoking a visual scene like in a movie. Should this be a screen play?

Mopeds are not kicked to life. A moped, classically, is a motorized bicycle. You pedal forward with the engine engaged to start it; rather like push-starting a car with a manual transmission.

What is an espadrille? Never mind, I looked it up. The Wikipedia example doesn't have a pronounced heel to the low shoe. Is this a good shoe for working in a vineyard?

"...kicked it [in]to life..."

"...the children and the foreigners whose..." are these her and Pascual's children or the foreigners'?

"These days [however], his joints..." 'However' is not needed. Do a global search through your document for the word and cut 90% of them at least. The word weakens your prose.

"...daughter and her husband [had] presented it..." The word is not required. Look for weak and non-value-added words and mercilessly strike them from your manuscript.

"Now [he] used it regularly..." Pascual, the boy, or both?
~~~~

Three paragraphs tell me this looks like a book I might be interested in reading for pleasure (if my reading list weren't so long).

I think you need to add the dimension of the boy immediately, since he will drive the plot. Referring to him adds focus to Pascual's ruminations. Consider adding an event instead of a characteristic to the boy. "'The boy' hadn't even noticed leaving goo on the morning's newspaper as he peeled the Muscatel's tough grape skins to get at..."

You have included a few words to set the environment but could do more. How early or late in the day is it? For me, it has an 'afternoony' feel and lemons imply sunlight; a lemon tree's leaves bring thoughts of a lazy afternoon to my mind. Pascual is not lazy or he would buy grapes and lemons at the market.

You have gently made mention of Pascual's wife, long departed, adding dimension to Pascual's character.

Margaret Anthony wrote 464 days ago

A good human story is fairly common, an excellent one much more rare. I read and admired this work some time ago and as then still admire the enviable writing and a welll told tale. It is one on which to reflect, a thoughtful story which begs to be read. Shelving this again. Margaret.

Ditzydana wrote 465 days ago

Let me preface this by saying that it's not something I would normally read. That said, I still found myself intrigued by it and continued to read, even after I said I'd stop. It's very well written, the writing flows and I'm already getting involved with the characters. Good job!

sensual elle wrote 465 days ago

This begins as a gentle story in a bucolic setting, reminding us to slow down and enjoy the ride. 1937 was not a pleasant time in Spain, but the author helps us understand the orphanage and the war.

The author pulls a subtle trick. I pictured the orchard and hedges, the tiled country kitchen, the Aga cooker… and then I realised the writer didn't tell us at all. Unlike many overly detailed authors, she sets our imaginations free to picture the scene, a masterful sleight-of-hand.

I enjoy this story and back it.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 466 days ago

PASCUAL’S BIRTHDAY
This is a gentle and wonderful story. I like the way Pascual talks to his grandson. It shows his love for the boy yet reveals he doesn’t know quite what to say. The idea of looking for a birthday is original. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?