Book Jacket


rank 5918
word count 13699
date submitted 05.09.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy
classification: universal


Melissa Harrison

What if the world disintegrated into an array of distorted sensory experiences, hurdling it into a parallel dimension of mysticism and concealed truth?


Aaron Joseph’s world is turned upside down when his sister suddenly passes away. Succumbing to his sorrow, his loss of hope begins to manifest itself in his scatter brained, irresponsibility. Despite his attempts to compose his distress, paranormal hallucinations tug at his psyche. But are these manifestations simply hallucinations? His hopes and dreams dwindling, Aaron is hurdled into an indeterminate state of reality and whimsy. An unexpected encounter with a magical, sword-wielding hunter named Valerian hurls Aaron into a frenzied dance between the distant world of Nyrfal and the 21st century world, as we know it. Aaron’s perception of reality is turned upside down when he learns he is the sole heir of Nyrfal, a world deteriorating and converging with his own, its life source stemming from his dreams. Filled with spirits, demonic entities, magic and unusual creatures of varying sizes, this novel will put Aaron through an array of trials and tribulations, leading to final climatic realizations of evil counterparts, betrayals and eventually acquisition of power and lineage.

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angel, clairvoyant, deterioration, elves, evil, fairies, magic, mysticism, parallel dimension, shadows, swords

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Moon Blossom wrote 827 days ago

Great pitch, the story sounds really interesting but a spelling mistake in the first line was a tad off-putting ("overcastted") I see it's a while since you posted this - did you ever finish? It needs a lot of work but I think it'll be worth it.


IlyaKralinsky wrote 1148 days ago

Get rid of your passive voice (was/were), let facts come out through actions or between actions if the opportunity doesn't otherwise present itself (for example: he could complete anything he set his mind to -- let's see that instead of being told), pacing can be achieved without wasting a lot of words and time on exposition, and watch out for these adverbs. as this is using two words where you can most likely use one. Keep developing. Writing is like a game with words, where you see how you can express something in the fewest terms, and select the precise words to convey your meaning.

Nick Poole2 wrote 1524 days ago


Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

2004carlt wrote 2013 days ago

Hi Melissa, I see you have a way with words but you might do well to break up the paragraphs and let some light in. Also, try and get the dialog and action started as soon as you can, Good luck.