"All That is Seen And Unseen"

All that is Seen and Unseen opens in the style of good sci-fi thriller and I was beginning to enjoy myself before getting knocked back by a dose of metaphysical thoughts. Then I got going again, and found myself in a flashabck. Hmmm... this is hard going for a simple guy looking for a nice relaxing read. I admire your originality and your writng skills, so I'll back this, but IMHO you should give some thought to whether you want to write a good thriller or philosphise on the meaning of life. You have the writing skills to do either, but I reckon they are two different books! Good luck

Immensely intriguing and not as complicated to read or understand as I was expecting.
Shelved,
Carole

Was worried that I wouldnt be able to slip right into this after reading the forward (or introduction) this was not so. Easily fell into reading this. Wasn't over my head in the least and though it is not a read I would normally read it is an enjoyable one.
I like the scientific aspects that allowed me to feel this could be real. You have a very authentic feel and it seems likely that this could actually exist. It is the intelligent and thorough way this is written. Like I said, not my type of read but it is by far one of the most well written pieces I have delved into on here. this is fluid and though some of the ideas here are beyond my normal realm I found it was easy to enjoy.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Ryan, just finished all that you have posted here. This was an incredible read. I hope you'll be posting the rest of it.

Madison

Stopping on autho's chapter 5 for tonight - your chapter 3. Only quitting because I really really need to get to bed. The story is very interesting and I'm going to read more tomorrow.

Madison

You have blown me away with your intellectual prowess.
You are one of the best the world had ever known.....Please, when you get to your literary kingdom, dont forget my plea...an autograph for my copy of "All that is seen and unseen"
Shelved!

Tope Apoola
Times of the supermen

Hi Ryan!

Hmmm... Parallel universes - very interesting! You certainly give enough scientific data in the beginning to suspend belief for the reader - great job! I'm not an expert in this field, but have a few notes that hopefully will help.

Your cover - very nicely done, eye-catching. I saw the Spirograph attribution in the beginning - nice touch, classy. Your pitch is well written and sectioned. I did find one typo - in the scond paragraph of the long pitch unanswered is spelled wrong (missing the second n).

I saw a few places in your book where the punctuation in your quotes is reversed - punctuation should always go inside the end quote. You'll find examples of this in paragraphs 3 and 7 of the foreword - 'very large', and 'imaginary time'. - the comma/period should go inside.

Loved the switch to chapter one - this felt more natural for me to read. Your dialogue seems very authentic for a ship's crew - quick, clipped, yet respectful. Indicative of the chaos that is unfolding, the Sea Challenger's peril. Very tense, gripping stuff. Reading on, but pausing briefly to leave these comments for you. Great job - backed with pleasure.

Kim
Invisible Justice

Hii Ryan

Very interesting, not to say tantalising! Am more than happy to Shelve this for a period

Anthony
('Houses of Sand')

Ron, I put your book on my Watchlist. I'm a big fan of parallel universes. Been there and loved it. I really enjoyed the read. One small suggestion...I know you have to do some set up... but the prologue is a bit too long. I've been told prologues are undesirable in today's market, but not sure how you could work your story w/o. I'm keen on the concept and will read more this weekend.
Barbara Silkstone The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters.

Ryan,
Care to swap reads?
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

Hi Ryan

Fine writing devlops an intelligently written story. Dialogue and descritpion work together to create evocative scenes and characterisaiton. Can only back this book All that is Seen and Unseen.


BACKED

Ryan,

Although I am not big on Sci-Fi I am trying to 'expand' my genres.

I got into your story regardless of this and found your writing smooth and easy to follow.

Nothing here stood out as a reader which I can give any constructive comment on so instead I'm going to pop you on my shelf.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Hi Ryan - you write really well and you are extremely articulate. I have an interest in multiple universes and quantum physics - not that I understand it, but in my gut, I feel it is true. You've given the reader valuable information before they get into the book.

Your prologue is really good. Like I said, you're a really good writer and I am happy to back you for a time.

Regards,
Jeanne (Dark Angel)

Really exciting to read, powerful writing.

Shelved of course.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

This is very different and exciting. It is definitely my kind of read. Backed with pleasure. Christi.

Hi Ryan. Great pitch.
My kind of book. I think you've done a great job on this. Lots of things going on, good characters, believable dialog and the beginning was excellent. On my shelf. Best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

It seems a lot of work went into this piece and you should be extremely proud.

The writing is superb and it is very polished. You have a great imagination and one could get lost in your world….best wishes…backed

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

An interesting plot, although not exactly new-but then what really is? Your writing shows a good deal of promise and effort, maybe a little too much effort. Lighten up a little, try writing with a smile and a few less words. give the reader a break so he can use a bit of his own imagination. anyway, promising and deserving a turn on my shelf.

G
Einstein's Road Trip

I love sci-fi books which take known scientific developments and pursue their implications. Science is fascinating enough without having to invent impossible scenarios, and yours is well within the bounds of what is possible if current thinking in physics turns out to be right. So your excelent book both entertains and informs. It stretches our imagination, and makes us think, which is what good sci-fi should do. You've created a highly-imaginative plot which keeps us guessing throughout. While you show clearly that science enables us to understand process, I'm not sure that purpose will ever be understood: it's the wrong question! Backed with pleasure. Best wishes, Tony

Wow, that was exciting. I love the parallel universe idea. I read to the end of Chapter 13 when they opened the hatches and peered into the night's winter sky. I take it, they're in the parallel world? Frankly, I don't know, but it appears to be where they are.

Your book is deeply researched and written with obvious understanding of the basic science necessary to tackle this. My own book touches a little on multi-dimensional worlds and their possible influences on our reality, but my knowledge is meager compared to what you display here.

Frankly, I'm in awe and can pretend to not understand why this is unpublished. Authonomy once again shows the immense wealth of quality writing that exists beyond the scope of the traditional publishing houses. Without a doubt, we're witnessing an explosion of quality literature untapped by corporate media. There must be a way to establish a win-win situation for both the creator and the reader that doesn't involve the restrictive bottleneck formed by the publishing industry. The crazy "reality show" format (race to the editor's desk) used by authonomy isn't adequate to handle the reality of the situation.

Good luck with this.

An interesting plot, for a novel of the SciFi genre. Possibly your Prologue might be more accessible to most readers with a little more (simple) explanation built in. However, it remains exciting and gripping, and the characters are made real to us, particularly the man and woman cut off in the bathysphere. Words like Tsunami immediately arouse our interest, and the speed with which the action moves is excellent. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Prologue is set in 1898, yet they have radar (wtf?)
Chapter 1 is set "2 years earlier" in 2003 (am I going mad? is this deliberate?)

I enjoyed both the discussion on physics/philosophy and the narrative/storytelling. How are you going to weld these together? Not quite sure. Very readable.
Frank

As an avid reader of qunatum physics i found this book to be right up my street! The forward is justifiably fascinating and the book itslf a riveting read, there are a few writing areas that could be pruned as some have mentioned below but i would buy thia book purely for its content and purely for expecting the reader to have a sense of the quantum mysteries that are going to define our futures. For me it is Heisenger that rockes my little universe and changes my perception of reality.
Well done with this, backed with pleasure.
Chris (inside out)

Superb story. Intelligent scientific basis. All the ingredients for a great read.

If I were to nit-pick it would be to suggest you cut all the -ly tags in your dialogue.

There is nothing wrong with a simple ‘he said’, ‘she said’. Readers see it almost like punctuation. Use them just enough to tell the reader who is talking. Break up the speech only when you really need to indicate a significant change of posture, position or action. Each time you do, you interrupt the flow of the dialogue and what is said between the characters loses cohesion.
Don’t modify your dialogue with adverbs, particularly those ending in –ly. Trust your reader to understand the tone of the dialogue and what the character is expressing. If you feel insecure about the words used or you feel the reader won’t know the person is angry, anxious, snappy etc, then you need to re-write the dialogue, because it isn’t strong enough. He said pointedly.
Don’t make your characters do the impossible. You can’t chortle, giggle, choke etc, as you speak.

I enjoyed reading this and shelved it because Iwant to go back and read more.

Great stuff!

Thank you so much, all of you! Being the first feedback I've ever received on this effort by other writers..is tremendously rewarding..no doubt every single one of you fully appreciates. :)

Let me field a few questions:
Lilian - Took your advice..honestly don't know why it came out in one lump, but I've gone back and added another to the breaks I'd made and seems to have worked. As some have commented, the pitch lacks much to be desired. I'm going to have to completely re-think it I see.

Pia - I could possibly be breaking a kind of 'writing rule' for which I'm not familiar in having done so, but the names have been deliberately left out in those first couple chapters..there's really a method to the madness. :) I want the reader to be somewhat in the dark in the beginning..some mystery..that's okay..right? :)

Madison - First, thank you for 'following me'. :) It's my first time to 'tweet'..still learning those ropes. The first clue to the confusing dates is my use of 'anachronism', mentioned in the pitch. The timelines of the various storylines play an essential role and were quite a handful to manage..they're not randomly generated, reflect their relative relationships in empire-time..which becomes clearer as the story progresses and the characters develop..but you're on the right track now. Believe me, I've had a few people inform me that 'there were no digital watches in the 19th century!' :)

The 'suspend disbelief' paragraph is just narrative. The next part to which I think you refer is meant to be a non-identified character's thoughts. My italicized text is always the character's thoughts, with the exception of the 'science tutorials'..there I'm trying to convey a lecture being delivered to a classroom at an unspecified date. They play an integral role as well..and this speaker is not identified now for a reason. I really hoped that I could weave storylines together that would keep a reader wanting to turn the page..hope I'm succeeding by how I'm revealing key mysterious elements. You guys are finding my eggs.. :) Oh..and 'woo pig soooie!' It's an arkie thing, guys! :)

I'm going to have some serious reading to do if more people respond..wanting to read all your work..sounds quite kindred. :)
Best,
Ryan

LOL. My response to whoo-pig soooie! is Whooo-tigers-Geaux! (I'm a S. Louisiana transplant, you see...have to pull for both to keep my peers and my family both satisfied, haha)

Ryan, if you reply to the comment from your comment panel, no one sees your response unless they visit your comment section to check...which is what I did on the off chance that's what you did ;) You'll have to send messages to the individuals to make sure they see your response.

Madison

Thank you so much, all of you! Being the first feedback I've ever received on this effort by other writers..is tremendously rewarding..no doubt every single one of you fully appreciates. :)

Let me field a few questions:
Lilian - Took your advice..honestly don't know why it came out in one lump, but I've gone back and added another to the breaks I'd made and seems to have worked. As some have commented, the pitch lacks much to be desired. I'm going to have to completely re-think it I see.

Pia - I could possibly be breaking a kind of 'writing rule' for which I'm not familiar in having done so, but the names have been deliberately left out in those first couple chapters..there's really a method to the madness. :) I want the reader to be somewhat in the dark in the beginning..some mystery..that's okay..right? :)

Madison - First, thank you for 'following me'. :) It's my first time to 'tweet'..still learning those ropes. The first clue to the confusing dates is my use of 'anachronism', mentioned in the pitch. The timelines of the various storylines play an essential role and were quite a handful to manage..they're not randomly generated, reflect their relative relationships in empire-time..which becomes clearer as the story progresses and the characters develop..but you're on the right track now. Believe me, I've had a few people inform me that 'there were no digital watches in the 19th century!' :)

The 'suspend disbelief' paragraph is just narrative. The next part to which I think you refer is meant to be a non-identified character's thoughts. My italicized text is always the character's thoughts, with the exception of the 'science tutorials'..there I'm trying to convey a lecture being delivered to a classroom at an unspecified date. They play an integral role as well..and this speaker is not identified now for a reason. I really hoped that I could weave storylines together that would keep a reader wanting to turn the page..hope I'm succeeding by how I'm revealing key mysterious elements. You guys are finding my eggs.. :) Oh..and 'woo pig soooie!' It's an arkie thing, guys! :)

I'm going to have some serious reading to do if more people respond..wanting to read all your work..sounds quite kindred. :)
Best,
Ryan

Other than the dates confusing me, this is very good reading.

I suspect the dates have to do with the time/space continuum? One other part that might need some explanation is the break in Chapter 1 where you tell the reader to suspend disbelief. That took me completely out of the story. Then the next segment may need more... not sure what it's about, but I'm thinking its someone who was in the remote sub that was cut loose? Between which characters is the conversation taking place? Does the sub have its own consciousness... I'm willing to suspend disbelief, but I need more direction in knowing what I should be believing.

Your writing is very easy to read and the story is good, I'm just getting lost in it and I suspect there's a lot more of it in your head that you didn't get down in words yet.

I'm eager to hear your response. It might be that I'm missing the point altogether. At any rate, I'm enjoying it.

Madison Woods - Retribution

Dear Ryan,

Intruiged, certainly. It took me a while to get hold of some character I could travel with, but finally he appeared, the student, Zack in CH 3, that is CH 5 online, finding satellite shots among time-lapse images that aroused his curiosity, and the readers.
At the same time, in Mayaguana island, remains of a mysterious ship are found. I like the interspersed facts, The inummerable satellite images in data strorage, mainly unexplored - made me think how useless information can be unless we have a trajectory, an idea of what we want to find - or come upon a connection randomly.
Any book addressing the questions you ask will interest me. And the story took off for me.
The lack of names to the dialogues on the island made me feel a bit lost as to who was talking. Maybe insert them ever now and then.
Best success.

Pia (Course of Mirror) I truly wonder what you'd make of my story.

Dear Ryan,

Intruiged, certainly. It took me a while to get hold of some character I could travel with, but finally he appeared, the student, Zack in CH 3, that is CH 5 online, finding satellite shots among time-lapse images that aroused his curiosity, and the readers.
At the same time, in the Bahamas, the Mayaguana island, the remains of a mysterious ship are found. I like the interspersed facts, The inummerable satellite images in data strorage, mainly unexplored - made me think how useless information can be unless we have an idea of what we want to find - or are open to random connections,
Any book addressing the questions you ask will interest me. And the story took off for me.
The lack of names to the dialogues on the island made me feel a bit lost as to who was talking. Maybe insert them ever now and then.
Best success.

Pia (Course of Mirror) I truly wonder what you'd make of my story.

quick question on chapter 1 (2 on the authonomy choices) - in this story, set in 1898 - there is electricity and laboratories? And wristwatches? Maybe it's 'empire time'. just explain it to me when you get a chance and I'll keep reading and ignore the dates.

Okay. This may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it sure mine. So far, I've only read a few paragraphs but I just wanted to stop and tell you how much I'm loving it. I'm at work right now, and can only read snippets at a time, but I will be coming back. I haven't even gotten into the actual story, yet so I'll have more comments later, too.

From one Arkie to another, good luck!

Madison Woods - Retribution

I'm sort of confused by this. But that's okay. Backed.

Thank you, Kev! :) Btw..curious was it the 'short' or the 'long' pitch..or both?
Best,
Ryan

I must admit that your pitch put me off and I only read some of your work after looking at comments already entered - I'm glad I did - you write well and I enjoyed the story.

backed

Kev

Hello Andrew :)
Thank you very, very much for your praise and your thoughts! Are you someone I know by chance? Anyone close to me knows that I've agonized over synopses for this book..lol. You're part correct..I did write it on the fly when prompted during the upload process. :) It's actually an edited version of my Amazon kindle page's product description (which makes me cringe as well). Trying to pitch or explain it in 25 words or less..or even the 200-word limit, just gives me fits. The toughest question I ever get asked is, 'what's your book about..' In that moment I usually reply, 'that's a really..good question (so sorry you asked it)'..lol. It's 144,000 words with 75 chapters..I know you're right..I feel the same way..I need to give it much more thought. Thank you again!
Best,
Ryan
Btw, what's 'white space'? Does this mean I'm saying too much? :)

All That Is Seen and Unseen

Hi Ryan,

This is really great, just the kind of science fiction I love, peppered with quotes and real science, but there is also a pacy thriller feel to the writing. It is fortunate that I read this far as you pitch at the moment needs a serious sort out and does your great book a huge disservice. You write in your book with passion, focus, concision and pace, your pitch reflects none of this, it meanders, is confusing and has no white space. I would imagine all that has happened is that having found this site you wanted to upload your book quickly.

It is a great book and I will keep reading because I am hooked, empire time, what a great idea. But my advice would be sort out your pitch if you would like to get more readers as many people may just arrive and move on. The pitch should not be hyperbole but talk us through the book, hook us in and ensure we click READ BOOK. Best wishes and good luck with this.

Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

All That Is Seen and Unseen

Hi Ryan,

This is really great, just the kind of science fiction I love, peppered with quotes and real science, but there is also a pacy thriller feel to the writing. It is fortunate that I read this far as you pitch at the moment needs a serious sort out and does your great book a huge disservice. You write in your book with passion, focus, concision and pace, your pitch reflects none of this, it meanders, is confusing and has no white space. I would imagine all that has happened is that having found this site you wanted to upload your book quickly.

It is a great book and I will keep reading because I am hooked, empire time, what a great idea. But my advice would be sort out your pitch if you would like to get more readers as many people may just arrive and move on. The pitch should not be hyperbole but talk us through the book, hook us in and ensure we click READ BOOK. Best wishes and good luck with this.

Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)