Book Jacket

 

rank 5854
word count 14319
date submitted 15.12.2009
date updated 14.01.2010
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

Busch Lane

Amanda Miller

When a middle class girl graduates from college, she rents a trailer near her Pennsylvania hometown to spend her last summer of freedom.

 

Janice graduates from college and wishes to return to her old stomping grounds, but pride prohibits her from moving back home. She opts to rent in a trailer park, a place that turns out to be very different from the more privileged life to which she is accustomed. Living amongst her poorer neighbors gains her a glimpse into their lives, where she encounters fights, flea bombs, fires, and mustard facials. Surrounded by a neighborhood full of colorful characters, Janice learns about herself and the sometimes cruel and unjust ways of the world. She befriends a battered hippie girl and an imported ex-con as she observes the antics of her less civilized neighbors. She watches as drugs, domestic violence, and poverty affect the lives of the people she has come to call her friends, ultimately changing her and her views of the world around her.

 
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tags

comedy, coming of age, crime, domestic abuse, drugs, fiction, friendship, funny, humor, life, pennsylvania, rural, tragedy

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37 comments

 

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Jen Small wrote 248 days ago

I like this. it's so colloquial that it transports the reader to that time and place (which i assume is deep south of america. am i right) i also like the short chapter format which make it easy to pick up and put down if you have a spare few minutes. good luck with it!
jen

Nick Poole2 wrote 1176 days ago

Okay...let's have a look.

That first sentence is a little convoluted for my taste, as though you are packing too much information in too quickly.

Janice...feels eyes upon her. Now we're cooking!

Is there any need to switch to grandfather's point of view? I was just getting comfortable with Janice.

So now we meet Ray. And the mad mower man. Roundy.

So of course it's Roundy who comes to fix her shower and stove.

I like this. You are living up to your promise to give us a wacky cast. None so eccentric as folk.I've spent a few years living on social housing estates and once you've acclimatised, it's a lot of fun.

Shelved, naturally.

Nick
"Mirror In The Sky" (if you get a moment)

lionel25 wrote 1179 days ago

Amanda, your first and second chapters read well. I can't fault these two sections.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

jtgradishar wrote 1181 days ago

“Well, know at least we know why he’s so round”… first ‘know’ should be ‘now’.

Your writing is good. You paint a decent scene. The only problem I had is that there isn’t really a narrative flow established. The brevity of the chapters contributes to this, but in the first three chapters we see flashes of scenes. I felt like I wanted a story to get underway.

The writing is good, however, and the idea interesting. I full reading of the work would yield a better opinion. Right now I think it has promise, but I wanted a better narrative flow.

Best of luck. Backed.

MKEthridge wrote 1188 days ago

Wonderfully detailed! Backed.

Lorri wrote 1198 days ago

Easily backed with pleasure.

Lorrii

Carrots wrote 1202 days ago

This is fine writing....observant and senstive. The reader is immediately comfortable in the company of an accomplished author. Phrases like 'stood sentinel' and 'off-kilter' point to a writer who is well-read and has absorbed that reading. I think the name 'Amanda Miller' is one we could become very familiar with. Backed.

Jim Darcy wrote 1208 days ago

This environment is outside my experience but you bring it vividly to life. Nibbler gets my vote - long live fleas! Anyway, you write very well and have a good eye for character and mannerisms. Well done, Jim D Serpent's Blood

soutexmex wrote 1211 days ago

SHELVED!

JC
The Obergemau Key

TabathaV wrote 1220 days ago

I can't wait to dig into this. I will comment more once I've read it. The pitch alone pulled me in. Congrats on that.

Tabatha
*Magic*

amandajm wrote 1220 days ago

Sorry about the Barry thing. Ray's name was originally Barry, but since naming him that, I have met a rather unsavory individual by the name of Barry so I changed his name. Thanks for mentioning that! I must've missed it. I'll fix it ASAP!

Amanda

Hi Amanda, this is nice writing and a really strong premise. There are so may characters you can develop in this trailer park that I can see it having loads of scope. Already the round man with the tiny shorts and the lawnmower as transportation made me giggle. Ray and Janice have a nice ease together but I have a question, who is Barry you mention him in the second chapter? Anyway this is on my shelf for good premise and writing. helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Helena wrote 1221 days ago

Hi Amanda, this is nice writing and a really strong premise. There are so may characters you can develop in this trailer park that I can see it having loads of scope. Already the round man with the tiny shorts and the lawnmower as transportation made me giggle. Ray and Janice have a nice ease together but I have a question, who is Barry you mention him in the second chapter? Anyway this is on my shelf for good premise and writing. helena (A Load of Rubbish)

katie78 wrote 1223 days ago

this is a great concept- it's exactly the kind of book i like to read. i'm not sure your beginning is compelling enough. it's a little too much description without action. i'm not saying cut it, but you may not want to start there. the phrase 'she's never lived in a trailer park before' seems odd. this is the first thing we learn about the main character besides her name. the writing is godd, but the shape of the story may need tweeking.

Bob Steele wrote 1225 days ago

Busch Lane is a light-hearted look at the everyday trials and tribulations of life in a trailer park - I don't know how realistic it is from my own experience, but you have the writing skills to bring it to life convincingly for me, and I'm pretty sure that your eye for detail is based on real life. If not, your writing skills are even better than I give you credit for! You have a nice thread of humour running through your narrative, though I didn't feel this was written as a funny story, so I don't think it really fits the 'Comedy' genre, but otherwise I found this an easy and enjoyable read that I'm happy to back.

Jonathon_LaMella wrote 1226 days ago

You have a nice writing style and warm flow to your story. You have a good eye for detail too. Great job! Backed.
Jonathon

A.R.Latif wrote 1226 days ago

my gramps also acts half his age.
Believable story, nicely told.

AR Latif
The Mr.Terry Mysteries

John Booth wrote 1226 days ago

Hi Amanda

Trailer Park blues? Love it - Shelved

This made me smile. Roundy and his lawn mower and tool box, Janice amused acceptance of her fate in the park. They say all of life will walk passed you if you take the time to stop and stare. Perhaps it does.

Good Luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Leigh Fallon wrote 1234 days ago

I jumped around a little getting the feel for the story. You write really well. The story certainly has alot of elements that come together nicely. Lovely pieces of humour mixing with a good solid premise. Nice.
Backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

amandajm wrote 1235 days ago

Thanks for the comments, everybody! I have changed the font size to 12 on all chapters, so I hope that it is now a bit easier on the eyes. Sorry about the difficulties to anyone who read it when it was super small. I am new to this site, but I am trying to learn. Please be patient with me.

Amanda

Nit wrote 1236 days ago

Amanda,

I have read the first seven chapters of Busch Lane and found your story to be one of the more entertaining reads I have come across on Authonomy. This has a very clever premise which allows for a rare peek inside trailer park life, as well as the opportunity to showcase the cast of oddball, albeit highly interesting, characters who live there. Whenever I run across the more vividly descriptive and colorful books on this site which scream out "Make me into a film!" my mind's eye plays along accordingly. This one was no exception. Although, it was the first one I've read where I kept envisioning the voyeuristic Janice and her cat Nibbler as characters in a Disney animated feature.

Great work!

Backed.

All the best,
Nit

vivalasbradleys wrote 1237 days ago

When I saw the word "Pennsylvania" in your description, I had to read this (me being a native Pennsylvanian).

I like the characters, your dialog is wonderful. You describe a down-on-its-heels trailer park and its equally lost denizens without getting judgmental. Janice strikes me that way as well, as she had adapted to a new style of living that seems out of her comfort zone.

Which is where I am a tad lost. I've read the first six (really short) chapters but don't know a lot about her yet. Somewhere a little backstory would be nice to fill her in. We know a smidgen from the first chapter but I'm still unclear about why she TRULY wants to live like this. Was it a reaction to something that happened to her at school? Man troubles? Financial issues? What does she do for a living while she's living in this trailer park?

Also, you haven't said where this park is. You mention PA in your description but not so far in the ms. Maybe it's just me, but I'm keen on setting both as a locale, and a motivator for characters' actions.

I agree with Thomas's comments on the font size and adjectives.

Another suggestion to do with as you please: Typically, thoughts are not enclosed in quotation marks. That confuses readers who may mistake thoughts for dialog.

In chapter three... "...she always knew when Roundy approached..." Add "when" to that sentence.

I know that sounds like a lot of crits but trust me, I like this story. I think more about the setting and some backstory on the MC and her circumstances will add to its depth.

Thank you for the opportunity and I wish you the best of luck with this gem!

Thomas J. Winton wrote 1237 days ago

Amanda, I really like your pitch, it sounds like my kind of story. Problem is when I read first three chapters I found it way over-written. Too many adjectives -- a series of them in some sentences -- that derailed my concentration. When a sentence is too long, and overly descriptive, one forgets where the beginning was headed by the time he gets to the end. Also, I promise you will get more reads, and better comments, if you go to a bit larger print -- maybe a size 12 font. I think your story is a 10 or 11. I think you write well Amanda, just that you have to write tighter. Best of luck.
Thomas J Winton (Beyond Nostalgia)

amandajm wrote 1237 days ago

I have removed much of the passive voice in chapters 1-15 and uploaded the newer versions today. I will continue working on the chapters from 16 on up. I also have another chapter that I need to add towards the beginning that begins the relationship between Janice and Grace. So, as you can see, I am taking your comments and suggestions to heart. Thanks so much for your help! Happy reading!
Amanda

pakazo wrote 1237 days ago

This is a real gem. I love the idea of "real" people in a story. Your pitch is strong and enticing. Your chapters are nice and concise. The POV seemed unclear in your first chapter... shifted into the grandfather in your next to last paragraph. Also your very first paragraph of chapter 1 needs some tightening. As a suggestion, I'd omit some adjectives to make this read smoother. Try reading aloud to reduce excess words. I've found it helped tremendously with my own ms. I see a lot of potential in this and will add it to my shelf.

Best of luck!

PK Hrezo

Onthedottedline wrote 1246 days ago

In England, I think we would regard this as a novel about class divisions, something we are told doesn't exist in America; but clearly, the very name 'trailer-trash' shows that it does, and your fine book shows that, no matter what the origin or background of people, common human qualities exist in us all. Further, that those from priviledged backgrounds have a lot to learn from those less fortunate. This book should be read by all young adults. Backed with pleasure. Best wishes, Tony.

amandajm wrote 1247 days ago

Thank you all for the wonderful comments! I am aware of a few typos in this piece, and am combing over my hardcopy manuscript in order to correct these oversights. I know they drive people crazy, as I am one of the anal-retentive obsessive types myself. I promise to fix them as I find them and as I finish each chapter. Also--I am aware that I occasionally lapse into passive voice. I appreciate you pointing out any instances where this occurs more frequently than it should. I will take care to correct this problem, but if you point out the specific instances, it will greatly help me in identifying where the problems lie. Thank you so much, all of you, for your patience and support. Happy Reading!
Amanda

paxie wrote 1247 days ago

Amanda

PItch

I wondered why she was too proud to go home after college....Isn't that what all kids do? I needed more background information here...Did something happen ?

off the road, dusty road....sounded repetitive......dusty track perhaps.

helping Jamie carries......typo......Jamie carried.

too much like, too proud.........repetitive....

I think as soon as you introduce Frank you should clarify that he is Janice's grandfather...

Chapter One
I felt more grounded here, good characterization and chatty simplistic dialogue between Janice and Ray...
An enjoyable read which I am happy support...Shelved....

T.L Tyson wrote 1248 days ago

I read chapters one two and 11.
I think you are a strong and confident writer.
There are a few things you should, maybe, look at. The passive voice. Too many was and were and hads for me.
But in truth this is an interesting story, that I would file under coming of age or finding ones self.
That is the vibe I picked up.
The part about the hope chest is funny.
I enjoyed what I read.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

amandajm wrote 1248 days ago

The story of your mom sure sounds similar to one I have heard. My grandfathers' families both were shuffled around during the depression and shortly after. Pennsylvania life can be pretty crazy! Thanks for the comments. I do plan to integrate some more Janice stuff--particularly at the beginning. Hopefully a more official introduction between Janice and Grace. I have considered before writing this from the first person viewpoint of Janice, but I don't think it would work as well, mainly because the story would not be as objective. Janice is a very opinionated character. Thanks a ton!

John Harold McCoy wrote 1248 days ago

Hi, Christina. Good pitch. Not my usual kind of read but still I found it very well done. Writing is excellent and although I didn't get far enough into it to get to the meat of the story, I think your writing will carry it off well.
On my shelf and the best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Andrew W. wrote 1249 days ago

Busch Lane

Hi Amanda,

You bring this to life slowly, with small descriptive passages and great reactions from the MC which shine a light into her motives and her personality in a way that is much more effective at revealing her inner characteristics than any info-dump. I like the premise of this story, a journey into herself and her prejuidices as much into these people's lives. I like the shortish chapters and the realistic way the characters are approached. A strong piece of writing, the comedy slant I didn't pick up yet, but I did the literary one, tight, concise descriptions.

Best wishes and good luck with this, very happy to support it.
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Christina McClean wrote 1249 days ago

It has the premise for a wonderful story. The challange that lies before Janice is what appeals to me and how is she going to overcome it. I have already warmed to her as a character. There is a good balance between narration and dialogue and some lovely desriptions giving us a sense of the place.
one or two nit pics
Under chapter 'Repairman' para two you have used the word 'door' three times in close proximity. I think you could drop one. Can you get a hairy behind its just that I have never come across one! There is a cat referred to I think as also a kitten. Would it be better to stick to either 'cat' or 'kitten'.
This a the start of a lovely story, backed on promise
Christina

amandajm wrote 1249 days ago

I have changed the classification of this book to "incomplete" in order to give myself more room for improvements. Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated, even the negative ones. Especially the negative ones, in reality, as how will I ever fix it if I do not know it is broken? Thanks! Take care!

amandajm wrote 1249 days ago

I changed the chick lit label. Thanks so much!

Beval wrote 1249 days ago

You've got a great idea here, a chance to observe a world and a way of life that is usually given a bad time by the world, but you're going to have to decide if its a novel or a short story. You say its complete, but the word count is very low for a full length novel.
If you tighten it up really hard, I think it could be an interesting short story, but I also think that if you pace it better and look deeper into your characters, you could write a terrific book.

amandajm wrote 1249 days ago

Well, thank you! I am new to this, and was unsure what all categories my book would fit into. Maybe I will remove the Chick Lit tag. I thought it may fall under that category as the main characters are mainly female, and the book lightly touches on some social issues that affect women later in the book. I was afraid that by tagging it as chick lit I would lose some readers, so perhaps I will change that distinction. I'm so glad you like it! Thanks so much!

chrisalys wrote 1249 days ago

I think this is a good opening and there is some lovely colourful pictures crerated by the flow of words. I like your style of writing but then i prefer literary fiction. i don't know how chicklit this book is, that genre was not obvious at all from your opening. I want to read on but then I'm not a chick lit fan and i enjoyed this. There is a very deep internal message to the reader from the ideas that you have put in your premiss and these also might not be a chicklit tope but more literary fiction. I will read on and get back to you.
For now, on my shelf and backed.
Regards
Chris (inside out)

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