Book Jacket

 

rank 5919
word count 10752
date submitted 15.12.2009
date updated 17.12.2009
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
complete

EDGE: a Max Swift story

Alan Khan

Max Swift has always been running. Now the organization he's double crossed gets in his way..

 

Max Swift has a death wish. When a simple gun deal, goes south. Max finds his plans are put on hold when the organization he's double crossed comes after him. With events of the past haunting him, Max is fighting his way to what he really needs.

 
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tags

assasination, betrayal, chase, crime, fight, gangster, gun, hardboiled, love, noir, police, tough, train

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19 comments

 

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Burgio wrote 1387 days ago

EDGE
This is a good story. Max is a good main character; he’s tough and witty; the kind of character a reader knows will stir up a lot of trouble before this story winds down. The way you begin this with the what, where, why questions is good. Really pulled me into the story and kept me reading. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

SRFire wrote 1519 days ago

Backed with pleasure, Sana x

Nick Poole2 wrote 1534 days ago

Okay, this is hard boiled stuff. A Bit Mickey Spillane.

"In medias res" is right. Off at a pelt, slinky woman chucked in, hero tough despite beatings...and best of all that final line of the chapter.

"Not what I want."

And one day you will have readers who WILL want exactly this.

Helena wrote 1536 days ago

Hi Alan, I really like your writing style, sentences are short and sharp and it really adds to the pace of the writing. Enjoyed the read so far, the short chapters are also good to keep interest and pace and as I said combined with your individual style it makes this a really engaging story. On my shelf. helena (A Load of Rubbish)

AlanMarling wrote 1537 days ago

Dear Alan Khan,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I loved your active verbs: grabbed, pounded, shivering, cowering, floods….Verbs like those will power your narratives, and I commend you for them. They’re a writer’s heavy artillery.

You have “You’re in my limo” right next to a sentence with the narrator as the main actor. To better indicate the narrator isn’t speaking, give the dialog its own paragraph. Dialog alone is stronger anyway.

I can tell you enjoy writing, and given your skill, I urge you to continue. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Salude El Dia wrote 1554 days ago

Now, this is cool. The sentences, dialog, and chapters are short and abrupt, almost rude - perfect for creating the atmosphere you want. I also like the pace of the story, and the economy of gritty story-telling - it really is almost like watching instead of reading.

I hope you develop it more, and, give the character more stories - like a series. You may want to double-check your proofing and editing, as there are a few (minor) things that may have slipped by you. The best way to do that is to have someone go over it for you, since most writers (myself included!) tend to miss our own mistakes, when reading our work. Other than that, this is pretty good. And shelved, by the way.

Lorri wrote 1557 days ago

Interesting, fast, and reads like a movie.

Have you thought of writing a screenplay version also? You might want to.

backed.

Lorrii

Lorri wrote 1557 days ago

Interesting, fast, and reads like a movie.

Have you thought of writing a screenplay version also? You might want to.

backed.

Lorrii

T.L Tyson wrote 1560 days ago

Max Swift, you are under arrest, quit fucking moving"
I love the last line of chapter three.
This starts out in a superb way. The who what where thing you do is unique. I loved it. It is always great to see new things done, and I have never seen something like that before.
The tone to your book is perfect for crime/thriller you are crafting here. I like the style and the voice behind this. Max is hard not to like.
The short snappy chapters to this really drawn the reader in. They zip through the chapters before they realize they are four deep.
Really well done work. There is tension, intrigue and speculation right from the get go.
I do think the pitches could use some work. There isn't that much mystery in them. Nor are they very long.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Francis Albert McGrath wrote 1569 days ago

Not quite sure you need the headings (questions) in chapter 1. Its puzzling wanting to know who this guy is and what has happened, but a note of warning, most readers do not have the patience for this type of thing and will switch off fairly quickly unless they can hook on to something. A second point is that the setting is unclear (It could be any where from Abu Ghraib to an apartment block in Miami Beach...) and setting is important. It grounds the reader. I think if you clarify these two issues, it will strengthen what is already good writing.
Frank

Bob Steele wrote 1571 days ago

The format for 'EDGE' is unique, and intrigued me enough to make me want to see where you were going with it. Your MC is a compelling mixture of vulnerability and cruelty that you show well by good use of third person to first person narration. I like your economical but vivid descriptions and your dialogue. The only question I have is on the length; at 10700 words it seems long for a short story but too short for a novel or even a novella.- but maybe you have a particular market in mind? Anyway, this is good writing, and I'm always happy to back quality!

A.R.Latif wrote 1575 days ago

The first chapter's a real winner, the format is excellent. Seems like a great story. Watch yiur punctuation though, too many commas (Like in the pitch).

Backed.
AR Latif
The Mr.Terry Mysteries

Esrevinu wrote 1579 days ago

Interesting fresh new voice, Mc is unique and the premise wonderful, stick with this--it looks like a winner


Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Francesco wrote 1580 days ago

Zippy and dark. Fresh and fizzing.
Backed.

Onthedottedline wrote 1584 days ago

You need to write a much longer pitch. What you have here is only a 'blurb', which is what goes on the back cover of a book. The pitch is for the benefit of the publisher/agent, who wants to know what the book is about, so it's important to summarise the whole book, and also to leave a couple of question marks so that the reader is tempted to open the pages. That reservation aside, you write very well indeed,a nd your story is well-paced and exciting, so I'm pleased to back you. Best wishes, Tony.

MickR wrote 1585 days ago

Alan,
This may just be something special. Max as your MC is a likeable guy, sometimes.
But he is not completely likeable, infact he is very flawed. He gets himself into situations, and is forced to do despicable things to get out. You write is crisp, your voice is knew and fresh.
This may just be something special.
Good luck,
MickR - The Nightcrawler

soutexmex wrote 1585 days ago

SHELVING because this is a compelling story.

I can use your comments on my book if you have not done so already. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Clare Hill wrote 1586 days ago

This is a great start- I love the short, sharp, choppy sections you begin with, gradually lengthening by chapter 4. It's different, with a unique, fresh voice. Backed.

Andrew W. wrote 1589 days ago

Edge: A Max Swift Story

Hi Alan,

Great beginning, a very strong authorial voice, pacy, edgy, dark. I like the short vignettes, they are like flashbulbs of exposure to this world we are about to enter, a cinematic technique we see in Tony Scott and Roland Emmerich films. It works here as well. Your writing is part prose, part poetry and part screenplay and now of that is designed to be an insult. Clever writing, different, sassy, experimental and it held my interest very strongly.

This will do well here and I am very happy to sing its praises and support it. You might want to look at your pitch and expand it a little.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)

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