Lost: A Science Fiction Story

Hi Rose,
Hi Rose, enjoyed the first chapter and like your imagination. I think it has a lot of potential, and seeing as there’s so little Sci-fi out there in authonomy, I can’t let anything pass my by. Just a few notes though. I think you need to do some editing. A writer needs to know the world he or she is writing about. In this case, I felt that you lacked a bit of technical info, which comes hand in hand with sci-fi. For example, Natalie says her father was working on the engine, but he was on a moon base. It should be the power generator, or system support, or something of the like. Because it’s written from the point of view of a teenager you can get away with a lot, but not everything. If you provide few details, make sure they’re plausible. I.e., “My dad was down in the generator room working on the thingy that keeps the air smelling fresh” would be perfectly acceptable for teen speak. Other than that, enjoyed it enough I’ll back it.
Backed
Paul
We’ve Seen the Enemy

I love the premise. Not only is it great for young adults, scifi readers should enjoy it as well. Natalie is a likable character and I'm interested in what happens to her.

That said, the opening of the book could be stronger. You open the story with the main character recounting her background for no apparent reason. Agents and publishers usually frown on this. Try opening with her doing something meaningful and have the things she encounters trigger her to think about her background in bits and pieces. It’s okay to introduce the background a little at a time instead of all at once.

You might want to open with her waiting in line to greet the new aliens.

How old is she? Maybe when her father introduces her to the aliens, he could tell them her age.

Why does she want to go to Earth? Does she long to live there? Would she rather be there than on the space station? What does she think of her father? All of these factors should shape her decision of whether to step through the portal or not.

I had fun reading this. I'll support it.

Brian

What fun! I love the lively , chatty style and the endearing main character Natalie. The scope for adventure on the space station setting is ideal. I can see your target audience loving this book.
Shelved with great pleasure.

Not into sci-fi on a regular basis, but there is something about this book that drew me in. Was it the writing which would draw in teenage readers with little difficulty? Was it the well-drawn characters and creative plot? Was it the stellar narrative voice? The overall subject fascinating? Actually, it was all the above! On my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

I take it that 'give or take a million light years', is loose teenage language, and not meant to be taken literally...

This writing really does match the mind of teenagers....
aloof in someways....
really think you have done a fab job with a mc voice that will resonate in all the YA minds, bringing sci fi to a new generation...

great stuff

BACKED

Hi Rose,

Grass - the dream of any space-raised child.
Charmed. Natalie tells in a matter of fact voice of her space station, and then of the alien world she lands in.
The shape, when it began moving ... I responded in the approved traditional way. I screamed.
Your writing flows and your dialogue shapes the delightful story.
Maybe include Young Adult as genre.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

How can you not back this book.

Hi Rose. Your book is WONDERFUL! It hooked me from the first lines, and I am going to back it immediately because it and you deserve it. In the meantime, please do the following to make your book approach perfection:

1. Write a longer pitch for the long pitch. This pitch is only 200 words max anyways I know, but one sentence doesn't do justice to your work. Tell about the main characters. Give a glimpse of the plot to come. You can even hint at the ending, or what will come next (if a series of books is what you intend to write). Pretend this area is the blurb you'd like readers to see on the back cover of your published book.

2. You need to develop a catchier title - right now it like the pitch does not do justice to the great writing of your story, and the wonderful writer that you are. Lost the TV show - Lost in Space - the word "Lost" has been done to death. Only you know in your heart what will work. I can't recommend, and no one else should either at this moment, to you what your story should be called. A great title for your story is in you: I know it. Just bring it out! :-)

3. If you haven't already, you can target your book to the young adult market for one of its categories (along with fiction, fantasy, and science-fiction). Your writing seems perfectly suited for the YA market. This does not mean that adults or children cannot read your book - it just means what the best audience for it is. I have no doubt that lots of people of all ages will buy and love your book. In this case though, I sense that young adults will be the core group for you and your story, and your agent or publisher in turn will be able to maximize your book's potential in that market, in addition to selling it to older and younger readers in general.

Good luck to you and your book, Rose. I believe in it and you ALL THE WAY! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Lost: A Science Fiction Story

Hi Rose,

Agree with Tony about the length of your pitch. What I do love about your book is the strong sense of as a story that is immediately going somewhere. You don't hang about, our narrator is almost breathlessly telling us what is happening to her. There is enough that is familiar about this scenario to engage us and enough that is different to excite and interest us and it will work well for the target audience. There is a friendliness to the tech in this science fiction story that engages the younger reader and you tread a fine line between introducing new ideas and showing us the standard fare of any such story. This is a strong suite for you, because in order to create the new for this audience it is often best to evoke it through familiar patterns originally, look at Harry Potter's wizarding world and the look at the Worst Witch and other precursors, the ideas were in the zeitgesit, they just needed careful re-working for the next generation. You have done that here, you weave in our experiences of Disney classic space opera and star wars and for my generation Space 1999.

A rip-roaring adventure that grips and interests, the POV works well, but you might want to consider having one other character's point of view to juxtapose with Natalie's to enable you to sneak other facts and information into the story without being restricted by her as the cipher.

Happy to support this book, best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Your pitch is far too short to do your book justice, and to hook the reader's attention. It needs to summarise the plot and to raise enough questions in the reader's mind so as to urge them to open the pages. By writing in the first person, you make life difficult for yourself because we see everything through one pair of eyes, and can never look objectively at that person. Despite these two main concerns, this is a highly-inventive story and your vivid imagination and eye for detail translate well into words. Your dialogue sections are strong and your characters have depth. I'm happy to back this. Best wishes, Tony.