Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools

Hi Nicky - your gold star is there already, but I promised you a read, so here goes!

It's an excellent travelogue - I couldn't help but sympathise with the poor husband, just looking to his retirement, when suddenly... ah, he'd have been bored the minute he was out of the forces anyway! I thought this was sparkling stuff, from the phonetically-correct German agent - flaxen eyebrows and Germanic kickin a go-go at the start to Julia and her "bastard" dogs. There's a terrific sense of character, and I really liked the askew views and humorous little details. Easy to see why this made it to the desk; that British weather will surely get one down. My uncle lives in a place near Malaga and he does not miss Blighty one little bit.

I wish you every success with this,

All the best

P.

Oh, Nicky, I thoroughly enjoyed the humorous trials and tribulations of our beloved plucky heroine, Vicky and her hubby, Joe, as they settle into a small Spanish village. Got a kick out of the quirky characters popping up and the egg wars...("let's get some from the supermarket"). Amongst numerous lovely and whimsical turns of phrases: "exchanging sapphire skies for steel" was a particular favorite. An utterly charming and funny book! Clearly deserving of the star...congratulations!

What gorgeous and humorous writing, Nicky. I laughed aloud a few times. This is a complete delight and is going on my watchlist so I can keep hopping back to read more, after which I shall pop it on the next available shelf.

A few of many wonderful moments/phrases: 'the type of person one obeyed without question'. 'smothering the town'. 'scampered to the Internet'. 'endless denim sky'. 'detached themselves from the Spanish hubbub'. 'knee deep in panting canines'. 'Don't tough anything else' (hee hee). 'round as a Telly Tubby'. 'obsessed with the new life inside'.

Hello Nicky,

I have only read chapter one here but a great start. Easy to read flow, well thought out and written. I think this will go far but it already has I see. Congrats to you! High Stars from me and wish you the best of luck with it.

-Lyn
Forty-Four Footprints Following Me

I have been meaning to read Victoria's delicious books for absolutely ages, especially as I have done a trail ride round the beautiful Alpujarras. It didn't disappoint. What a rattling good read! Good characterisation, a dollop of humour to keep you turning the pages. It's deservedly up there with the best - my few words are likely to have little impact on its deserved success.

I read chapter one....
you ignited controllable smiles with your five year plan
recommended..

CHICKENS MULES & TWO OLD FOOLS
La Alpujarra is a wonderful part of Andalucia and your experiences are well worth reading about. Some of your images are really good and stick in the mind. I'm slightly confused by the lack of stars and the gold medal showing you were on the editor's desk or something. I'm a newcomer. coincidentally, I grew up in Sussex (Hove actually) and now live in a small village in Andalucia. ¡Que casualidad!
I wish you luck with sales, and should you feel so inclined, I would welcome a quick glance at my book. Best wishes

Victoria, I see you installed Dropbox? Did you see it on the thread I started a while back? Glad to hear you got Chickens published by a real publisher. Got any sequels lined up? All best....

nice start to what appears to be an interesting read. Peeking into the book, I see good character developments as well as good descriptions of the settings. You must have personal knowledge or have done your research. Good luck with getting to the top and getting published. if you can, take a look at You TUrn, thanks, lynne

I really enjoyed this.
I am open mouthed in admiration for anyone who can make the move overseas, I'm already quaking at the current retirement plan that involves no more than a move from here to Lincolnshire!
Written is a delightful style, warm and inviting, and laced with some glorious characters, it pulls the reader along very happily.
And I'm having second thoughts now about chickens, there's more to chickens than I had been lead to believe.

CHICKENS, MULES, AND TWO OLD FOOLS

Wonderful stuff, ever popular genre, and a real page turner. Had I not been reading from a screen I would have devoured the lot. Absolutely backed.

J&M Jensen
(Graemor)

Love this!! I work at B&N and will track this down and buy it. Just the kind of thing I like and now that I've written my darker tale, look forward to the next one being brighter. And I always love a book with recipes. Thank you! If you have the inclination, please take a look at Light Between Shadows.
Tricia

Oh yes - It's like Driving Over Lemons with even more twists of humour and laughter.
I've only read snippets of it, but am looking forward to reading more!
Kirsten
('Happy Mother Happy Family' and 'Snapshots')

I have great sympathy for the husband character. His list was quite humorous. Your prose is sharp and fun. I can see why you earned a gold star.

Non-fiction with a fictional feel. I started reading and then just kept going. Love all the stuff at the beginning as you tried to convince your husband. I love the sense of humour throughout and absolutely delighted in following you and your husband on your Andalucian journey. Can you still back gold-starred books? I don't care, giving it a spin on my shelf anyway!

I love the title and your approach. I like your style of writing which enables this to be picked up and put down at any time with no loss of flow. This type of book is so popular these days as more and more people look for a way out of their ever-circling roundabout of life. Good for you and so glad you clearly have so much fun from your life in Andalucia. Best of luck and happy to back this, even though I see you have a gold star. Not sure what that means, presumably you have already hit the editor's desk? I shall still put on my shelf because I have enjoyed it and will continue to read more.

Nix,
I can very much see why you have a shiny, gold star. This is a lovely travelogue. Just lovely. I was entranced and thoroughly enjoyed coming along for the ride. What I love best are your details; they helped to make Spain come alive for me and the myriad quirks of each person had me laughing and reading on past my usual first chapter routine.

I will shelve you simply because this is the way nonfiction SHOULD read. Delightful.
~Cheri

Hi
Did you change the title?

Hi Nicky, Sorry it took so long to get to you. Glad I did, this is one of the few books here that is filled with just the right amount of humor. It makes me want to run off and rebuild a house somewhere in europe. Your style is exceptional and keeps one interested. I found no slow spots and can see why you sport this star. Good luck with this, I hope you get a favorable decision. Kennesaw

This is fantastic for me as I live in a mountain village in Andalucia. The barman at the taberna is very typical in these parts. I love it Kellly marie x

This is fantastic for me as I live in a mountain village in Andalucia. The barman at the taberna is very typical in these parts. I love it Kellly marie x

I'm so glad you asked me to look at the Spanish. This story is wonderful! I can definitely see how you got it to the ED. I've read through chapter 4 so far and haven't found any problems with the Spanish. Beautiful writing. I feel like I'm in Spain with them and what a quirky house! I bet they'll fix it up to be so awesome. :)

Jen

Hi Nicola.
Your writing is highly entertaining but I do have a query, it's not really a question.

I work alongside retired officers from the forces and they are generally much younger than me (retiring as the majority do in their late thirties on a very handsome pension and then joining consultancy companies). The Admirals, Colonels that stay in service till later life tend to be living a somewhat richer lifestyle than you describe, or such has been my experience. I know this is a stupid and irrelevant point, but it jarred with me.

I enjoyed the first two chapters and can't offer any real suggestions for improvement.

You've made me laugh. It's not often that happens because I'm a serious type. You've got a gold star already, so I ain't going to back you. I would if I could, though, as it's dead funny. Will it get published? What's the score?

Hi Nicky

Ah! You've changed the title! I think it's better! I have finished reading it now and will email you, but thought I'd just add another comment here to say I absoluetly LOVED it! I really didn't want the book to end! I hope you keep writing, you have a wonderful 'voice' and a terriffic sense of humour! I wish you big success with Chickens!
Best regards
Maria

Nicky, I can see why this made the eds desk. I have to stop reading for a while and start making dinner but I will be back to read later tonight. I'm plopping this on my shelf so all the new comers on my friends list will see it and read the story. Such an entertaing piece and witty. Just from your talented words I could picture their new "dream house" and I was picturing in my mind what I could do to fix it up. You know you've captured a reader when that happens..:)
Jan

I LOVE THIS BOOK!! So funny and entertaining, thanks for making me smile!

Ohhh goodness! What a great little gem that I have stumbled upon! What a great story just full of hilarity! Good job! So when it your pub date?! Too good not to see on shelves around the world. Bravo!

Hi Nicola:

I saw one of your comments on a forum thread and thought I'd come have a look at your book. I'm glad I did. It is extremely funny and very well written. I think you've perfectly captured the spirit that moves two people to begin an entirely new life in a foreign country. The cast of characters they meet is peculiarly charming, and the things that happen to Vicky and Joe are believably comical. I've only read five chapters, but I'll definitely come back for more. In fact, if I found this on a shelf at Barnes and Noble and sat down to read a chapter or two, I'd certainly buy it.

I have one tiny quibble about a sentence in Ch. 1. You write: "His words were blurred with sleep, his eyes still closed." I've always associated "blur" with a visual semantic field, as "blear," "bleary," "blink," "blind," etc. "Slur" seems the word best associated with sound, but perhaps you were intentionally going for a synaesthetic effect. At any rate, this is an insignificant criticism. Your language, on the whole, is confident and highly competent.

By the way, while reading your book I was reminded (perhaps by the recipe headings at the start of each chapter) of another writer who writes amusing, food-oriented mysteries. Have you ever heard of Nancy Fairbanks? She's an El Paso, Texas writer whose books often are set in exotic places. The Perils of Paella is set in Barcelona, and it's a fairly enjoyable read.

I hope HC's good review was one that offered the potential for publication because I sincerely believe this book should be in print.

Best,
Rob
(The Girl From Palo Duro)

I really wanted to hate this! I have always been totally in love with Andalucia, I speak Spanish and breed Andalucian horses. But the tidal wave of brits and other northern Europeans have ruined vast areas of the coastline with tacky housing and created vile ghettos of ghastly expats who refuse to learn the language or interact with local people. Tavernas changed into English pubs etc I fear for the ancient and proud culture of the Andalucian people, their hospitality abused by the colonists.
Your book is truly charming, with some lovely descriptive phases. I loved the 'slug' rain! Not sure about hubby scratching his nether regions! LOL ! Toooo much information, (not really,it made me laugh)
This is writing that sparkles with life and is fresh as morning dew, a fun and interesting read and I wish it much success.

I really wanted to hate this! I have always been totally in love with Andalucia, I speak Spanish and breed Andalucian horses. But the tidal wave of brits and other northern Europeans have ruined vast areas of the coastline with tacky housing and created vile ghettos of ghastly expats who refuse to learn the language or interact with local people. Tavernas changed into English pubs etc I fear for the ancient and proud culture of the Andalucian people, their hospitality abused by the colonists.
Your book is truly charming, with some lovely descriptive phases. I loved the 'slug' rain! Not sure about hubby scratching his nether regions! LOL ! Toooo much information, (not really,it made me laugh)
This is writing that sparkles with life and is fresh as morning dew, a fun and interesting read and I wish it much success.

Oh this is priceless! I haven't laughed so much in ages! Wonderful! My box of tissues is running low...

Maria

Hi Nicola
up to Chp 4 now and can't stop reading! This is wonderful - I've laughed out loud and had tears in my eyes several times already! I know this has reached HC's desk already and deservedly so - but I didn't get to see it first time round! Excellen and thoroughly enjoyable! I'm reading on...
Maria

Hi Nicola

I love this kind of book! Have only read chapter one and loved it - I'm an expat abroad as it is, with hopes of doing something similar in Cyrus when I finish my stint in the UAE, so I'm right in there with you! Your writing is easy, flowing, and I know this is going to be a lot of fun! Look forward to the read and definitely backing this!
Kind regards
Maria (aka akashicvibe)

Hi Nicky - your gold star is there already, but I promised you a read, so here goes!

It's an excellent travelogue - I couldn't help but sympathise with the poor husband, just looking to his retirement, when suddenly... ah, he'd have been bored the minute he was out of the forces anyway! I thought this was sparkling stuff, from the phonetically-correct German agent - flaxen eyebrows and Germanic kickin a go-go at the start to Julia and her "bastard" dogs. There's a terrific sense of character, and I really liked the askew views and humorous little details. Easy to see why this made it to the desk; that British weather will surely get one down. My uncle lives in a place near Malaga and he does not miss Blighty one little bit.

I wish you every success with this,

All the best

P.

Hi Nicola. Well, I can see what your book made it to the Editor's desk. It's a very engaging story, very readable, and while I don't usually read nonfiction for pleasure, your book had a very fiction-like quality to the writing which for me made it a pleasure to read. It's the kind of book that inspires one to travel and/or read on holiday. I'm curious to know what the editors thought about it and if it's going to be published.

Michael

Hi Nicola!

You’re a wonderful writer. This is an interesting book which I’m sure lots of people will enjoy reading. I’m going to stick it on my shelf right now.

I have a few comments and suggestions for editing.

In the first scene, maybe specify which uniform he’d normally wear, ie what force he was a member of.

Schindler, lol!

This chapter is really interesting and filled with lots of great plot development. You’re a great writer and I cannot pick fault with your style. However, I think the structure of the book might be improved.

I think shorter chapters, each with an ending hook, would work better… make this more of a page turner. For example, end chapter one with a question of whether or not hubby will agree. End chapter two with the mcs depressed because they cannot find a place, but then hear an English voice in a Spanish café, so the reader wonders who it is. Chapter three could end with them debating whether or not to phone Kurt. Chapter four could end with you looking at Alonso’s house, but not yet describing it to the reader, so the reader wonders what will be wrong with this third house. End chapter five with Joe saying ‘We’ll take it’ but Vicky having those thoughts about it being the wrong sort of place, and leave the reader wondering if she’ll agree with him or not, and so on… In this way, every one of the first five chapters will end on a page turning note. By the end of these five shorter chapters, the reader should be hooked.

I’d not introduce Kurt in the opening paragraph as this spoils his appearance later. Obviously you need a hook to open this, but a general “I’m depressed and life is going nowhere… I’m going to do something explosive!” paragraph might do just as well.

I hope you find my thoughts useful.

All the best,
Chris :-)

I love the new cover Nicky!
Gwendax

Hi Nicola,
There seem to be a few Spanish tales about but this is very much your tale and very well told it is too - vivid and entertaining. I didn't see it before the rewrite so I can't comment on that but one thing that struck me is that the opening conversation with Kurt seems to turn up again a bit later on. Or did I just lose my place suddenly? If it is in twice, perhaps it doesn't need to be repeated verbatim the second time.
I'd very much appreciate a return read if you are able.
Thanks, Lucy

Nicky, this is such an easy and enjoyable read, and the humour is really well crafted. It's easy to see why Chickens and Chrchbells has a star beside it. A treat. Shelved. Michael

Hi Nicola,
This is solid, entertaining writing, great job! Here are some thoughts I jotted down as I was reading. Remember, this is only my opinion and I’m being nitpicky. I figured since you’ve already achieved the elusive gold star you’d be more interested in suggestions for improvement than most.
-Great job with the accent at the opening, just enough to get the accent across without overdoing it.
-Could be just a difference between American and English speaking, but “temperatures are struggling to reach 14 degrees” sounded awkward to me, just because a temperature can’t struggle.
-“My depression changed to frustration.” I’d eliminate this, as it is “telling.” The writing that follows illustrates the character’s frustration anyway.
-You have an excellent way with similies and metaphors. However, be wary of using clichés (ex: bee in my bonnet). It works here because you reshaped it in a unique way, but in general it’s good to stay away from them, which I’m sure you already know.
-I loved the “dueling lists” part. Hilarious!
-Your descriptions of setting are fantastic

I’m afraid I only have time for the first chapter, but what I read was quite impressive. Keep at it and send it out there. I’m sure eventually you’ll find a buyer.

Matt

While I have already seen some excellent books here (and some not quite so excellent), this one breezes in like a wind wafting across the western Med from the Atlas, full of colour and fascination.

There are few things more enjoyable, or more infectious than the experience of someone talking or writing well about something they really love. I felt that this was the start of a kind of love story, with the same reactions to the house in El Hoya, the initial suspicion, then curiosity and then sudden you’re smitten – though I agree with Lallie’s preceding comment that it would nice to know more about quite what tipped it.

You have a style that is straightforward and accessible, but at the same time poetic – with a subtle line in playful humour. Julia, her mother and her house are all great “characters” vividly sketched out. Landscapes are also described deftly in a few words.

You even manage to make the process of house conveyancing sound fascinating – I really liked the allusion to “instructions on how to split the atom.”

I also liked the humorous but knowing way that couples negotiate over life changing decisions like where to live. Of course we all make lists, but the lists often only to rationalise what the heart has already decided.

I did have mixed feelings about Kurt – amusing but at the same time just a little bit “’Allo ‘Allo” I thought – but then again who am I to say that he wasn’t really like that?

There are one or two places where the wording could be tightened up. E.g. “Narrow streets separated the rows of houses” – then “houses” repeated in the next sentence but these are trivialities really.

But perhaps the biggest compliment that I can play you is that, as someone who has always been more of a North European, and whose dream land would probably be Sweden, you made me wonder whether Spain might not just have a few aces up its sleeve. And that, coming from me, is quite something.

Even though you hardly need it, I’ll still shelve it.

Nix
I read 3 chapters and found it an easy flowing style. I'm a thriller reader-writer so I was hoping for more of a tease here and there. Where's this going? If there's a criticsm imo, then it is that the story meanders along like an Andalucian stream. This is nice and possibly what the market wants, just not me. I like Murray's James Herriot idea, alternatively be slightly different and have more of a plot where you can tease us in chapter 1 about what might be going on. Just a thought.

On my shelf, but please clean up after the chickens, won't you!

ChrisX
I Dare You

hey Nicky,
I read the first chapter. This is great. No surprise it has that star. ;-)
I hear you've rewrote it, having not seen the original all that i can say is it flows well in its current state, and remains entertaining.
great read.
Hope you enjoy my work too.

Regards,

Mark H

Nicky,

Had another look at what you've done with this.
It's a long time since I've looked at this, but I get the feeling that this moves faster. I still love Kurt, and Julia. I'm not sure, though, that you need to introduce Julia where she is, but you might want to stick to chronological order.
When they see the house, I feel that Joe's decision to buy it come a bit out of thin air. I'd like to "feel" Vicky's attachment to it. I'd like to see the attraction despite the awful state the house is in. Also - I'm not really sure why the other houses are incomplete. Is it because of the southern European tendency to add to their new houses bit by bit (and then go broke and sell the house before it's finished?)

...I just wonder is there much of an appeal out there for any more, but congratulations on the star - obviously, like me the readers enjoyed it.

Thanks for the comments, Woodmuir, much appreciated. My HarperCollins critique said 'The subject matter you’ve chosen is topical, appealing and definitely marketable – plenty of Britons dream of leaving behind their lives in the UK for a less regulated and sunnier existence, and more than a handful of these kind of books find their way to the tills in bookstores every day.' which gives me hope!!
Nicky

Yes, I like this and would take it out if I saw it on the shelves of our mobile library. I have read similar books; 'Driving Over Lemons', 'A Parrot In The Pepper Tree', 'A Piano in The Pyrenees' and 'The Food of Love', all of which I enjoyed. However, there is getting such a plethora of these types of books; I just wonder is there much of an appeal out there for any more but congratulations on the star - obviously, like me the readers enjoyed it.

Hi Nicky,

I have read and really enjoyed 'Chickens'. I wish I had read it before your rewrite and then I could comment on any improvements, but as it stands it it is very polished and very appealing. I have been reading across genres since I joined this site, including some very pacy, edgy modern fiction, but it is nice to read something from end to end that unfolds as a journey, an adventure with likeable characters and interesting and amusing events. The scenes in Spain as our intrepid couple rennovate their new home amongst their colourful new neighbours are charming but never too shmaltzy.

Very enjoyable. I am glad I exchanged. I know you don't need it now but I will give you a twirl on the shelf for the enjoyment you gave me.

Good luck in the big, wide world. Whatever happens, you can be proud of your work.

Mike

Hi Nicky,

I have read 3 chapters already and .... loving it. Deceptively straight-forward writing peppered thorughout with real gems. I loved the description of a cold, wet August day in England. It made me want to move to Spain. Loved the nickname 'Schindler'. Just one sentence in the first chapter lost me, but that might be me. It begins 'His dream' and ends with 'exploded'.

I liked the repeat of the telephone conversation with Kurt. That echo was a good way to bring the story back to that point. I thought 'trap door spider' was brilliant. Man with a Van - haha! Perfect.

I have to do some work now. How inconvenient is that? I will be back though.

Mike

I'm so glad I popped in here. This is a great laugh and so real. We've been in SPain for seven years and I'm catching up on Julia when it comes to the number of dogs we've picked up. You also get the bellowing locals off just right. Loved it!

CHICKENS & CHURCHBELLS (Nicola Forshaw)
I've read four chapters with a mounting feeling of dread -- when's the disaster going to hit?
The book is enjoyable and easy to read, it flows well and moves perhaps a little less quickly than it might, but that's a matter of taste.
What's the market? Mayle did this for Provence, and I think it was Mortimer who did it for Tuscany. I imagine there are others, and if you haven't scouted the market the agents will certainly ask you that.
If there are recipes thrown in, that's very much a plus for the traditional female buyer, and since the book is written from the wife's perspective, that would likely be the market.
Obviously the writing is highly competent and there are no issues with that.
I currently have a book going through copy editing and they're trying to find all the ways they can to reduce the number of pages. Perhaps space could be saved by making longer paragraphs.

Some questions:
The double quotation marks are the US clunky style -- is that with purpose?
m dash is double ( -- )
Imitating foreign accents (Kurt's) is not always well regarded.
I wonder whether the first paragraph could be eliminated, and start with "Karl, our..."
At the end of the chapter, does "How right he was" fit the tone, the timing etc. It introduces a retrospective pov.
Can you name the birds of prey, e.g. Lammergeier, hawks etc., and have them doing something; just being there is a bit flat and wasted.
"One day we drove..." Would "One day we had driven.." fit better?
Was Julia really so "stage English"? One can expect she'll turn out to be a fraud she's so ovrer the top (perhaps she does?)
You have to speak Spanish to enjoy the "molest."
"Tardis" What's a Tardis?

Enjoyed reading. Don't know if you shelve a "starred" book, but I will.
Should be publishable -- wish you luck finding an agent (or better, hope you already have).
mch

Nicola - "...raindrops like slug trails trickled down the window.." well encapsulates the slow, grey and humdrum interpretation Vicky places on life in England and possibly the drive which so many of us feel to escape the malaise if we can. I am reminded of my dear wife who strikes horror into me every time - and that is frequent - she opens out a travel brochure on her lap. Perhaps like Joe's, my hand has this appalling habit of finding its way in degrees around my rump until it seeks out the fatness [not of my rump but...] of my wallet to guage the financial plausibility of the venture.
"Rain beat a tattoo on the window" now begins to show that language is very much a tool at your fingertips for the tattoo is so much in synch' with the suggestion of Joe's being an officer in the military.
England is consistently drawn as 'grey' with a capital G, the references subtly woven in until Vicky's frustration, I venture to say, is common to us all and I, certainly, want to go to spain with your Vicky and Joe [notwithstanding that I claim complete innocence as a voyeur].
Vicky grows on me - even if not my wallet - for she is endearingly unpretentious in confessing that her colleagues nickname her Schindler for her 'listing' compulsion and, when "the hug I gave him [Joe] nearly crushed his ribs" I feel as much affection for her as I do sympathy for Joe.
The setting on arriving in Andalucia is a good balance of detail, not a travel brochure or a ,lecture but something individually perceived by the author and that was refreshing.
Do moustaches make "communication difficult" ? What a scream! I think of my hero, Elgar, and his wife Alice, and wonder if she found it difficult to read his expressions. Well he made up for it by dedicating to her his Salut d'amour but she always got frequent holidays in Alassio or Bavaria out of him. Sorry, I digress.
Oh yes, I have met your "Grumpy" when in Spain and, indeed, 'Grumpy + moustache' seemed as much a part of Iberia as the prickly cactus and the stone you always forget in the middle of your olive.
I loved the exchange between Grumpy and the happy duo; his clumsiness, the resort to "sign language" and the confusion which ensued until we are carried to calmer waters in the exchange with Julia. When we lear that Julia's voice was "cultured though often punctuated by colourful expletives" it becomes still clearer that your characters are multi-dimensional and never ultimately allowed to be stereotypes.
By the end of your first Chapter I wanted to read on for your character observation, for the candour and unpretentious personality of Vicky and for the precision in detailing your settings of Spain. So - shelved. Raymond

Nicola
Whilst reading 3 chapters, I jotted notes down. I make a point of not reading others comments (especially not HCs) before I read, because I don’t want to be influenced. These are my raw thoughts:

Joe’s stretched out on the sofa then you tell us he’s sprawled on the sofa. We don’t need to be told twice.

“Our lives about to take a sharp turn” – this is a classic thriller-type hook. You could make more of this. For example it could be your opening.

I like the metaphorical bee buzzing.

“How right he was.” – good section ending.

On your flight did you get one that played that Christmas song over and over “Feliz Navidad”? I think it’s Iberia. I flew to Spain about 5 times in a month and they were still playing it I February!

Nice “rounded” end to chapter 1 although “My heart beat faster” was a weak line for you.

“..husky voice like dark treacle…” – brilliant!

Nice line: “Time to exchange sapphire skies for steel.”

OK I’ve had a thought. There was the bar incident (fabulous description of waiter) but it didn’t go anywhere except lead to the introductions. Now we have the stolen handbags. These are comedic events that seem to be incidental and almost lost. I don’t write comedy, but I used to love James Herriot’s Vet series. He similarly had wonderful characters, but somehow managed to draw out scenes and get the most out of small events. Am I making sense?

“horny finger” – perhaps boney? “Horny” has certain connotations!

“ever present in my pocket.” A nitpick, but if it’s in your pocket, of course it’s ever present.

I assumed when you have English following a Spanish statement, it was by way of translation. I don’t think you need to repeat it. re. “Claro, that’s true.”

End of chapter 2 is OK but when I started reading it I thought it was going to be a hook to make me turn the page. Ie “something is about to happen…”

“I was delighted” – no need for this since we know from your exclamation.

Ah “Steptoe and Son” – love the imagery. The next line is good too.

“…unfortunate event…” comment cut short – excellent tease.
Pig’s trotters? Time to become a vegetarian!

So, I think the "James Herriot" comment is the most apposite. I can't really help you with restructuring in his style, since it is a million miles from my own. Mine (as you'll see) is more substance than style. I have some great plots and charge into my writing to get my story told (hey, I'm doing my own crit!). You, on the other hand, have some wonderful experiences (they must be true) and fabulous characters and settings. If you don't "make it" in the form it's written, then cut-paste and expand on your scenes Herriotesque style and I think you have a winner.

I'm going to point "Woodmuir" at your book because I think she's your target audience. She may love it as it is!

Best wishes
Murray
The Jin Deception