Book Jacket

 

rank 3436
word count 10450
date submitted 02.01.2010
date updated 04.01.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: universal
incomplete

Cloak of Magic

SA Rule

What sustains Shehaios, the Fair Land is called magic. But is it real magic, or illusion - a mere cloak of magic?

 

Everyone should discover their Shaihen heritage…

Somewhere along the line where human nature meets human imagination, myths are created. Somewhere in that space lives the spirit that created Shehaios, the Fair Land.

One man embodies the gifts of the Spirit. A man all too susceptible to the human flaws that lie beneath the cloak of magic.
The journey of self-discovery for Kierce, heir to the Lord High Magician, and Caras, heir to the Chief of Oreath, is inextricably bound up with the history of their land. The survival of their self-sufficient agrarian culture is threatened by the might of the sophisticated Empire of the Sacred Union, and neither Kierce’s cunning nor Caras’s courage may be enough to save the Fair Land.

Described by one reader as "powerful and challenging piece of fiction", Cloak of Magic is a story that will take you on a wonderful trip into a fantasy world and maybe make you take another look at the real one.

 
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tags

dragon, fantasy, folklore, historical fantasy, magic, magician

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19 comments

 

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rhine wrote 1151 days ago

I sent you a few suggestions for the intro in a message if you are still participating.
Scott Rhine (Foundation for the Lost)

soutexmex wrote 1356 days ago

SA: pitches work for this fantasy genre. I do apologize for the lack of a proper comment but I am leaving for the weekend and it's late here. Let me know if you want a proper comment upon my return and I will read more as soon as I have a chance. For now, enjoy the BACKING. I can use your comment on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Burgio wrote 1357 days ago

CLOAK OF MAGIC
This is an imaginative story. You’ve obviously spent a lot of time designing this fantasy world and it shows in the way you’re able to describe your characters and settings in detail. I think you have a good writing style for fantasy; you know to include enough description so a reader can understand the world, not so much you slow down your story. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

davidpelliot wrote 1452 days ago

I am not normally a great fan of fantasy but in this case I am making an exception a great read which has encouraged me to read the entire book. Backed with pleasure.

David
'Clan'

Su Dan wrote 1470 days ago

the introduction is great. good description, and sets the pace well.
su dan [seasons]

lizjrnm wrote 1501 days ago

This is an excellent book and I have enjoyed so much what I have read so far! You have an incredible imagination and a gift for putting it into words! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

T.L Tyson wrote 1546 days ago

Read through to three and this certainly has all the fantastical element, paired with engaging writing, it is hard to ignore. I am intrigued by your story, and would read on if I had the time. Most likely will come back to that last lone chapter.
The thing I noticed the most while reading is that you you have a knack for describing interaction. The dialogue and movement is perfect and you set the scene by filtering details of the setting into the segements.
Not much to nit here. An enjoyable read all around.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Cato Sulla wrote 1565 days ago

Superb dialogue and a story right up my alley!

Backed with pleasure.

Bob (Auctoratus)

clutzattack wrote 1567 days ago

Right at the heart of fantasy. I actually like the spin you put on your dragons--they remind me of oversized cats... (Sleeping all day long, lazy, and irritalbe when in heat...) Hopefully you will post more chapters soon, since your pitch sounds promising.

TheLoriC wrote 1567 days ago

Loved this book title, cover and pitch, and its contents are nothing to sneeze at either! Clear and concise writing helps make the story even more readable, and the plot outstanding. On my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Morven wrote 1567 days ago

Great title ! A gripping, tension filled opening leads on to an excellent fantasy novel blessed with first class writing. You have great skill in convincing and plausible world building and have made your story exciting and fast moving with a robust and satisfying storyline. If only more fantasy was this good!
Backed with great pleasure and I hope it does as well as it deserves to.

paxie wrote 1567 days ago

SA Rule
Fantasy is not my take, I have an analytical mind, I ask too many questions....So I steer from commenting on the content and try to help in some other way.....

A hairy cow.......(all cows have hair dont they?)

Do you think you need the words in brackets. :-

they (had) forged
the land (that) was so hard
ran (that) there was nothing.
they (had) thought the mountains would protect them

'We're under attack'....he gasped.......I think .....yelled , shouted,,,,,not gasped

I thought. the line.......for some moments before he could comprehend what he saw.......(was flat,,,,,telling not showing)

He looked. His heart tightened in his chest, he swallowed a lump of terrror, ...(tell the reader how he felt, dont just have him standing there pondering)......

Brilliant writing...I flipped forward to chapter four and could see plot development was on full throttle....

Your Fantasy guys will love this...

Shelved with pleasure and best wishes for 2010.

silence wrote 1569 days ago

marvellous stuff! i never fail to be amazed at the standard of writing on authonomy. i do not usually enjoy fantasy but your writing style drew me in and made me a follower. i read it all and usually i l imit myself to a couple of chapters in the first visit. shelved.

Judith (Peaceweaver) (The Forest Dwellers)

Sandie Newman wrote 1570 days ago

This is just excellent, I love the title and the pitch, especially the second paragraph of the long pitch. I started reading and was blown away by your writing, excellent, the descriptions are brilliant. Backed immediately.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

sarahmiller wrote 1570 days ago

Dear SA,

thanks for an interesting read. This is not my usual genre, but I really liked the writing and found the descriptions almost poetic in their austere beauty. Very nice imagery, which is helpful when you are trying to create a new world!

My only suggestion comes at the end of chapter one. You've employed a lot of 'they's and while I understand what you're trying to do, I think you need to clarify (ie. THEY thought they would be safe...THEY thought the mountains would protect them...THEY had come) -- I got a little twisted up there.

Otherwise very nicely done. I look forward to seeing it in print and I don't even read fantasy much!

Backed.
--Sarah

SA Rule wrote 1571 days ago

Thanks for the feedback folks. I will endeavour to reciprocate asap. I've updated the pitch, and think I have figured out how to put the paragraph breaks in this time.

Cloak of Magic was published by Authors On Line in 2006, so I can't do much to change this manuscript. I am currently editing Book 3 of the trilogy, Spirit of Shehaios, and will certainly bear in mind all comments on writing technique and style.

Paperback copies of Cloak of Magic are available on Amazon and many other on-line book stores; paperback or e-books from http://www.authorsonline.co.uk; e-book copy from http://www.smashwords.com

J F Riding wrote 1571 days ago

Powerful! I wasn't sure if the chapter headings were mixed up - you might like to look at that?

The only part of the writing I would quibble with is the use of the word "that". If you go back carefully through the narrative, and try removing it and changing the verb tenses, you might get a tighter feel, with more action.

More please?

Beval wrote 1571 days ago

I have to agree with the first comment, I'd like to see the pitch broken into paragraphs, but this is an excellent piece of writing.
There's a powerful voice and a strong world view here, together with skilled word usage and good plot craft.
Happy to back this.

Pia wrote 1571 days ago

S.A.
Cloak of Magic
What sustains the Fair Land, Shehaios, is a question that intirgues.
The pitch confused me, it seems too general. Also it would read better broken up into paragraphs to hook the quick eyes here. Curious, I read some chapters anyway, and liked the writing, so it's on my shelf for now.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)
And welcome to authonomy. Read and back other writers, that way your book becomes visible.

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