Pangaea - The Discovery

I really liked this story and I think you've created some memorable characters. The pacing is quick and it kept me going. It's a good page turner. The tension really starts to build from the start. Anything that has to do with Atlantis grabs my attention, and others too I think. It's such a mysterious history and I like to see how people put it into a piece of fiction. I'm interested to read this until the end. It's like something I would have picked up at the store. This has all the makings of a great historical adventure.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

This is a good story. Good characters. A great premise. Your writing style is good for this type of story. It's crisp and always carries the story forward. You've created a feeling of tension almost from the beginning that adds to this as well. Makes it a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Pangaea –The Discovery

First thing that hit me was the relaxed style you have you can’t have normality without something coming and getting you so you style is very good. I think you have missed out of two things, something to keep in mind when the publisher comes knocking. One you could use the cars as a stronger metaphor, the truck he’s happy with and then the German veneer car he has for home. And two, I personally would add ore descriptive sound to the opening narrative to ground it. All that said you have developed a great character and a great story. I would by books of this premise every day of the week – Good luck

Hi Jamey - It's good to Atlantis rising again from the literary waves. I like the laid back style. Good writing.
Best wishes, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Pangaea :

Jamey,

The setting of your opening chapter, the landscape, was atmospheric and the interwoven descriptive detail allowed me to feel on stage in real time as a participator in the story.
Jim grew on me because of the conversational style and I felt for him in the loss of his wife. He's distinct and well drawn.
This, combined with the promise of an orginal premise and the open question of 'What happens when something that can create unlimited power is uncovered?' make me want to read to the end.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

An intriguing read that flows very well. The pace is great too.

You've built the charactersreally well.

Happily shelved

Melxx

This is well written with good dialogue ad pace. You might want to consider changing font to something more reader-friendly? I know that Times Roman is commonly used, but think that Ariel or Tahoma are better suited to reading online. Perhaps try changing a section and see what you think? I have no suggested improvements for the writing itself though - very polished. Backed with pleaseure. Colin

Intriguing premise and an MC called Jim - how could I resist? This has the making of a fine addition to the genre. Characterisation, dialogue both seem to work and you have the great hook of Atlantis. Good luck with this. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown
ps you are replying to comments in your own box - you need to go to that person's profile page and leave them a message there or they won't see what you have written! :)

Thank you so much for you insight. I am plowing forward with getting the entire series written. Pangaea will be four to six books I think. I haven't decided which way I want to go with my "style" of adding in the narratory type comments, yet. But, I have decided that the best course of action is to put all my efforts into completing the series. If I have an agent and/or a publisher get excited about the books during that process, I will stop and polish. But, while the juices are flowing, put everything I can down on paper. Thank you for your backing the book and most of all for your comments.

Jamey O'Steen

Your pitch is intriguing and your characters so far (Chapter 1) seem convincing and likable.

I think you need to give some thought to the style of your narrative voice. Most of the time we seem to be more or less in Jim's point of view, but here and there you have odd authorial interruptions "we all know the type" "you guessed it" and in other places the prose reads something like dialogue "good ole boys". I think you have a chatty authorial point of view trying to get out and it may be worth letting it have its way - but I recommend consistency. At present it feels a little muddled.

I like your descriptions of the area. I've never been there but I could picture it.

I've put it on my bookshelf and hope to read some more later.

Your pitch is intriguing and your characters so far (Chapter 1) seem convincing and likable.

I think you need to give some thought to the style of your narrative voice. Most of the time we seem to be more or less in Jim's point of view, but here and there you have odd authorial interruptions "we all know the type" "you guessed it" and in other places the prose reads something like dialogue "good ole boys". I think you have a chatty authorial point of view trying to get out and it may be worth letting it have its way - but I recommend consistency. At present it feels a little muddled.

I like your descriptions of the area. I've never been there but I could picture it.

I've put it on my bookshelf and hope to read some more later.

Hi Jamey, I love your pitch. A story of Atlantis is a great idea. I think you should move to cutting to the chase a bit earlier than you do. Chapter one moves a bit too slowly for a first page - people are in the bookshop browsing and if you don't catch them there you have lost a sale. I think this is especially so since chapter two is full of excitement. I would try and get that excitement much sooner. I'd also cut out the references to the reader - 'you know the sort' phrases. However I sense that a great deal of love and energy has gone into your book and it promises much. Backed, Scott.

Pangaea - The Discovery
Jamey O'Steen

Jamey,
I backed this on the basis of your pitches alone - because of this exciting storyline you have here. I was glad I did because once I started reading, I could easily appreciate the potential of this piece. As a child, the myth of Atlantis was always something of wonder and great stimulation to me and I am happy to see you exploring it here for a 21st century audience. I read your opening chapter and enjoyed it. There is great atmosphere here and you begin to flesh out Jim well. He's lost his wife tragically and now is attempting to start a new life. It's easy to get a sense of the place and I enjoyed your descriptions, as for instance, "The colours of the surrounding landscape melding with the oranges and yellows of the morning clouds made him really glad to be outside." The pipeline project scene I thought was also well done and one gets a sense that Jim is settling into life here. I look forward to reading more when I have some free time to see how the myth of Atlantis and the separation of Pangaea together with the "ancient power devices" all fall into place within this fantastic plot of yours.
Best wishes in finding a publisher,
Zan

I'm not the best person to give great thought about this simply because it's not often I read this sort of story. However, I do try to cover all genres on this site.
I have to say, I enjoyed your writing style, somewhat 'loose and laid back.' It made it easy to read and I thought the dialogue engaging. Your pitch promises a complex story with much to come, it seems thought-provoking at the very least. I'm sure others more familiar to Science Fiction will be rather more helpful but based on what I've read, I'm happy to support this. Shelved.

Thank you for the comments and backing. I have started the second in the Pangaea series.

Jamey, I enjoyed your first chapter. Good dialogue. Nothing to fault there.

Shelved!

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Jamey, I enjoyed your first chapter. Good dialogue. Nothing to fault there.

Shelved!

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Still reading, but I've got to tell you that the missing and misspelled words are driving me nuts. And your grammatical skills are typical of most engineers I've known and I'm related to or (was) married to that profession. Needed editing notwithstanding, the story is great to ch. 7. Best of luck.

Thanks, I am planning a hard edit once I have the full story.
Jamey

Still reading, but I've got to tell you that the missing and misspelled words are driving me nuts. And your grammatical skills are typical of most engineers I've known and I'm related to and was married to that profession. Needed editing notwithstanding, the story is great to ch. 7. Best of luck.

An entertaining novel, a mixture of several different myths and gealogical discoveries. I like it, not qualified to criticise, so I will just back it.
Norman. The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. And, Muddledydo.

I have submitted an update of the first 14 chapters. Please have a read if you get a moment.

Good plot. Would make a great movie. Watch out for cliches--"awe-inspiring." Happy to back!

I have submitted an update of the first 14 chapters. Please have a read if you get a moment.

The pitch for Pangaea - The Discovery hints at a dramatic story of ancient powers being unleashed, but I'd suggest firming the hints up a little to pack a real punch in your shopwindow to attract passing readers. What is the overall scope of the story beginning to end? Perhaps a little less on where the characters come from and more on their actions as the story unfolds? I'm sure you know the sort of thing. C1 got me interested in Jim and I liked your chatty narration from his point of view and your obvious expertise on CATs and heavy machinery. I suggest you avoid breaking that pov to give an 'omniscient' description of Jim's tan, blue eyes, etc - you can show us what we need to know by his actions, thoughts and feelings. C2 rather threw me, though - I'd just got comfortable with Jim and was looking forward to finding out what he was going to dig up, when you hit me with a flashback and backstory. C3 then picks up Lilli's history, and I've lost the thread. I'd suggest weaving the characters into the story when they get involved naturally, rather than an infodump on each, so you keep the underlying momentum of the story.
Overall though this is a great premise and a fascinating story - I'll happily back you to give it a bit of polishing to make it really shine!

I have submitted an update of the first 14 chapters. Please have a read if you get a moment.

Excellent work Jamey! I love the idea of amalgamating Pangaea and Atlantis. Unique and original. As you mentioned, maybe you should try and sell this to the sci-fi channel, you never know! Look up their website on google and go from there, send letters with manuscript ideas in the first instance and then send a portion of your manuscript to them to tickle their taste buds. It's all about marketing with passion because you know your work is worth it. Maybe try to create a screenplay while pursuing this. What ever yuo do, fingers crossed and all the best. I sincerely hope you achieve your dreams.
Kind Regards,
Milan
(The Emissary & Flicker)

I have submitted an update of the first 14 chapters. Please have a read if you get a moment.

thank you...i am close to finishing the next in the series

Jamey

I have submitted an update of the first 14 chapters. Please have a read if you get a moment.

excellent, entertaining and thought provoking! I enjoyed this book and the plots and subplots! Great bok and am looking forward to the movie!

I have submitted an update of the first 14 chapters. Please have a read if you get a moment.

Great premise, the writing is great to, but sometimes I felt like you threw in too many adjectives to describe things when they weren't really needed. But still, the mystery in the first chapter drew me on, and was a bit "meh" at Jim's History since I was more interested in his present situation that you build up! Still, I can see a lot of potention with this, and if it were a movie, the braking flashback would be great I think, but this is not a movie yet, so the second chapter didn't really do that much for me, it was interesting in its own right tho.

I have submitted an update of the first 14 chapters. Please have a read if you get a moment.

Thank you for your comments...I am in the middle of a significant re-write. I am pulling a lot of chapters 2, 3, & 4 out and sprinkling them further in the book to keep my pace of action up.

Jamey

Thank you for your comments...I am in the middle of a significant re-write. I am pulling a lot of chapters 2, 3, & 4 out and sprinkling them further in the book to keep my pace of action up.

Jamey

Great premise, the writing is great to, but sometimes I felt like you threw in too many adjectives to describe things when they weren't really needed. But still, the mystery in the first chapter drew me on, and was a bit "meh" at Jim's History since I was more interested in his present situation that you build up! Still, I can see a lot of potention with this, and if it were a movie, the braking flashback would be great I think, but this is not a movie yet, so the second chapter didn't really do that much for me, it was interesting in its own right tho.

Great premise, the writing is great to, but sometimes I felt like you threw in too many adjectives to describe things when they weren't really needed. But still, the mystery in the first chapter drew me on, and was a bit "meh" at Jim's History since I was more interested in his present situation that you build up! Still, I can see a lot of potention with this, and if it were a movie, the braking flashback would be great I think, but this is not a movie yet, so the second chapter didn't really do that much for me, it was interesting in its own right tho.

Good plot. Would make a great movie. Watch out for cliches--"awe-inspiring." Happy to back!

The pitch for Pangaea - The Discovery hints at a dramatic story of ancient powers being unleashed, but I'd suggest firming the hints up a little to pack a real punch in your shopwindow to attract passing readers. What is the overall scope of the story beginning to end? Perhaps a little less on where the characters come from and more on their actions as the story unfolds? I'm sure you know the sort of thing. C1 got me interested in Jim and I liked your chatty narration from his point of view and your obvious expertise on CATs and heavy machinery. I suggest you avoid breaking that pov to give an 'omniscient' description of Jim's tan, blue eyes, etc - you can show us what we need to know by his actions, thoughts and feelings. C2 rather threw me, though - I'd just got comfortable with Jim and was looking forward to finding out what he was going to dig up, when you hit me with a flashback and backstory. C3 then picks up Lilli's history, and I've lost the thread. I'd suggest weaving the characters into the story when they get involved naturally, rather than an infodump on each, so you keep the underlying momentum of the story.
Overall though this is a great premise and a fascinating story - I'll happily back you to give it a bit of polishing to make it really shine!

Excellent work Jamey! I love the idea of amalgamating Pangaea and Atlantis. Unique and original. As you mentioned, maybe you should try and sell this to the sci-fi channel, you never know! Look up their website on google and go from there, send letters with manuscript ideas in the first instance and then send a portion of your manuscript to them to tickle their taste buds. It's all about marketing with passion because you know your work is worth it. Maybe try to create a screenplay while pursuing this. What ever yuo do, fingers crossed and all the best. I sincerely hope you achieve your dreams.
Kind Regards,
Milan
(The Emissary & Flicker)

thank you...i am close to finishing the next in the series

Jamey

I love the premise of your story! The plot with the government using acient technology for its own benefit and plans is intersting and drew me in as a reader. Backed with pleasure.
Jonathon

I love the premise of your story! The plot with the government using acient technology for its own benefit and plans is intersting and drew me in as a reader. Backed with pleasure.
Jonathon

excellent, entertaining and thought provoking! I enjoyed this book and the plots and subplots! Great bok and am looking forward to the movie!