Book Jacket

 

rank 5925
word count 27699
date submitted 07.09.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Children's
classification: universal
incomplete

The Third Bell

Sid Chittenden

This is the story of Jack Galley, a bullied schoolboy who finds a way to pirate school where he has a series of swashbuckling adventures.

 

Tormented by bullies and the sinister teacher Mr. van Zyl, Jack Galley is befriended by the gruff school janitor, Old Harry. Under Harry's watchful eye, Jack finds the Third Bell, an old ship’s bell that has a special power. It leads him to Pirate School where he finds out that he is not an ordinary boy at all.

 
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tags

children, fantasy, pirate

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5 comments

 

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Nick Poole2 wrote 1525 days ago

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One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Mark Adel wrote 1635 days ago

I like the way you introduce Jack through his interactions with Old Harry and the two bullies. I immediately identified with him. Good stuff.

Manda wrote 1801 days ago

Hi Sid,

I like your writing style. It is clean, readable, and at exactly the right level for this age group. So far this is a great story, with your protagonist, Jack, being immediately sympathetic with his problems of being bullied and having his bag stolen. Towards the end of part 1, the tension gets going with the sinister teacher raiding the dormitory and house.

Here are a few comments and suggestions that occurred to me while reading. These are all pretty minor.

You can get rid of the ‘at Nottery School the bell would ring once… etc’ sentence as the fact it states is obvious from the text.

Steve, who Jack is talking to at the time, disappears the first time the bullies come at Jack. It might be a good idea to have Steve attempt to stand up to Jack and the bullies threaten him. This way it would add believability to the story later on when the other boys avoid Jack.

A guppy is a freshwater fish. It would add to the authenticity of the man being a pirate if you used a saltwater fish instead. I suggest a grouper as it is a sort of fish with a large mouth that looks a bit surprised. :-)

“He felt the sharp prod in his back again…” the rest of this sentence doesn’t look right.

‘The’ as in the Claw and the Peg is sometimes capitalised and sometimes not.

“On the one perched a… parrot.” On which one?

When talking to the captain, Jack has his bag with the bell back, but I don’t recall it being given back to him.

Minor thing, but in British English, abbreviated titles ending with the same letter as the full version don’t take a full stop, so it’s Mr and Mrs and Dr, but Prof. and Rev.

Albert Ng is referred to interchangeably as both Nuggy and Al. I would choose one name and stick with it to avoid confusion. The name Ng at first made me wonder if Nuggy is Chinese, in which case I’d like more of an indication of his nationality in his description.

Start of chapter 7: can’t really imagine how someone with a ‘spongy nose’ would look.

Plank is misspelt as plan in this chapter.

I loved rule 4.

When Jack reads about the gentleman pirate, I thought it was a bit too much information to put the long passage from the book in. It might work better to have Jack read the book and summarise it.

The three friends that are introduced are presumably going to be Jack’s crew and accompany him through the rest of the story. None of them seem particularly well developed at this point, and it might be worth spending a bit more time describing them and giving them distinct personality traits.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful to you. I enjoyed reading this sample of your book very much and I wish you the best with it.

-Manda.

tracey1970 wrote 1885 days ago

What a great start. This book is fab if this chapter is anything to go by. Congratulations! T. x

AJK wrote 2050 days ago

Hi
This was a wonderful opening chapter. Gripping,original and kept me wanting to read more, my son when he was younger would have loved this.He reads Vampirates by j somper...I'm sure many boys would really enjoy it.I only read the first chapter and will put you on my bookshelf!Good luck!Its hard getting readers on the childrens chart!

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