Book Jacket

 

rank 5848
word count 19604
date submitted 16.01.2010
date updated 26.10.2010
genres: Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

Freedom's Mother

Dolores Regan

As a member of the women's movement, Pamela Annachild sets out to change the world, but her daughter longs to keep it the same.

 

Professor Annachild assumes a life of childrearing and servitude after enduring a typical 1950's childhood. All that changes when she discovers the women's movement. So inspired she names her daughter, Freedom who dreams of becoming a fashion designer and having a big wedding. When she becomes pregnant at age fifteen both women are forced to reexamine their beliefs and their relationship to one another.

Freedom's Mother is the story of three women; Professor Annachild, Freedom and Raynetta, an African American woman who is living in a homeless shelter with her daughter. Set in the 1970's each woman pushes against the barriers they face.



 
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tags

1970's, abortion, family, feminist, fiction, gender, homelessness, mother/daughter, race, women's history

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Chapters

4

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Raynetta sat down with Mrs. Ramsey, a senior caseworker at the shelter. They had a standing Thursday afternoon appointment. It was the shelter's policy to monitor the progress of each resident.

How are you settling in, Raynetta?” Mrs. Ramsey looked as tired as Raynetta felt.

Just fine, thank you.”

Mrs. Ramsey opened a folder and skimmed through her papers with her reading glasses at the end of her nose. “I still have to ask you some questions for our records. Let's see, I already asked about drug and alcohol use, no; domestic violence, no; prior history of mental illness, no. What about extended family? Are your parents living?”

My father's deceased. My mother stays at Frederick Douglas,” Raynetta was referring to one of the oldest public housing facilities in the area.

The caseworker shuffled her papers and Raynetta looked at her diamond ring shining in the afternoon sun. It wasn't a modern cut, but it was good quality just like her shoes. There were pictures of her family in frames scattered across her desk: Christmas time, vacations, seaside shots, graduation; smiling, happy white people.

Raynetta imagined Mrs. Ramsey at home in the suburbs. She pictured her wrapped in an afghan, reading a book in front of her fireplace as her husband brought her a cup of tea. They probably ate good food on china in a dining room with a big chandelier. She imagined some special breed of dog she didn't know the name of, and grown children visiting on the weekend.

Had you considered staying with your mother after Brandywine burned down?” Mrs. Ramsey knew you could get kicked out for letting other people stay with you in public housing, but she had to make a case on paper that Raynetta had exhausted all her options.

My mother's got a full house,” she replied, and smiled.

Raynetta was carrying more on her shoulders than she knew. Employed and attending college, she was the shelter's prized resident; the one they bragged about to colleagues, the one they used as evidence, that their particular brand of intervention was helpful to the poor and downtrodden, justification that their jobs were indeed necessary and their degrees in social work put to good use.

She didn't know it, but Raynetta made coming to work at the shelter worthwhile. One visit with her could erase all the bad experiences the workers might have in a single week: throwing women out for violent behavior, being drunk and disorderly, missing curfew, or leaving their children unattended. The workers had to help women find housing in short supply, and encourage them to seek employment that wasn't out there. They watched them return to abusers after admitting they'd been kicked in the head, bit and spit on. They watched the older ones have nowhere to go on the holidays, see them relapse after months of sobriety, and the children, the children: babies born into poverty with no daddies and futures as bleak as a cemetery in winter.

Workers often fell in love with the children. They'd comment on their growth and swoon over good grades like beloved aunties. More experienced workers kept the women and children at a distance; better not to get too attached to this group. They could leave without notice, relapse, or be swept up by a man who will do them no good.

Some snuck out with their stuff, and others left all their belongings behind: dated clothes that smell like the Salvation Army Thrift Store, half empty bottles of cheap perfume, and pictures of children lost forever. The workers would pack up all the woman's stuff, which they kept for three days before discarding. They stripped the beds and replaced her with another woman unprepared to live in this world.

When a resident secured housing, a caseworker was assigned to accompany her to her new home. It was never what is hoped for her. The neighborhoods were poorly lit and old. The apartments were drafty with worn rugs and curtains that should have been thrown out years before. Unrecognizable smells, dated appliances the worker can recall in her grandmother’s home, thin walls that allowed fights and private conversations to seep through, bedding unfit for a dog. The caseworker would rush through the darkened stairwells back to her car, pressing on the gas pedal and blocking out the images as fast as she can.

The worst scenario is dropping a woman off back with her abuser. The woman doesn't admit it, but the worker can see his large silhouette moving around inside the house through thin curtains. The names he'd called her and the things he did to her flood through the worker's mind, as the woman hurries through her thanks and goodbyes, already determined not to upset him. And the worker knows that after months of counseling and passing the box of tissues, she has dropped off this dear soul in a prison from which she may not escape again, perhaps not even with her life.

So, everything is okay?” Mrs. Ramsey asked.

Raynetta learned early in life that complaining gets you nowhere. She didn't mention how hard it was to sleep in the shelter because at any given time someone was awake and making too much noise: two residents in the hallway having a conversation at three a.m., one of the crazies hallucinating, or a baby crying, always a baby crying.

She didn't mention the other women taking her food. Someone had finished her milk and helped themselves to several slices of her bread. She remained quiet about how her room was either stifling hot or too chilly to sleep. And then there was the bathroom, Lord don't get me started, she thought, these women up in here ain't never learned how to clean.

Everything is fine, just fine,” Raynetta smiled at the caseworker who remained smitten with the perfect resident.

 

    

Professor Annachild traveled the winding roads of Settler on her way to attend a meeting of a local feminist group called Sisters of Change. It was a solid cold day with no breeze. The contrast of the white snow to the blue sky was particularly pleasing.

It still surprised her that this was where she ended up. Even after eight years, the professor viewed her surroundings as though she was a tourist. The sight of a porch with a double swing, laundry on the line, and farmland continued to charm her. She was still amused by signs that read ‘tractor crossing’, ‘firewood for sale’ or ‘homegrown corn’. Even trees in this great number astonished her as though she'd been sleeping and then dropped off in Settler with no forewarning.

Having grown up in Brooklyn, she, like every other girl she knew, had aspirations of making it to Manhattan. After she finished her thesis for her Ph.D., entitled Marriage as an Oppressive Institution, she was offered a teaching position in upstate New York in a little town she'd never heard of.

Freedom's father didn't want to leave the city. Pamela wasn't altogether disappointed. Robert changed from being a brilliant poet to a sad pothead. What started as a weekend thing at parties had developed into a way of life until she and Freedom were obstacles in his pursuit of happiness.

Robert was gentle with Freedom when she was born. He held Pamela's hand during the birth and carried the tiny baby around the apartment liked a prized trophy, tickling her with his long hair and beard as they lay in bed. Those were happy times and lulled Pamela into believing marriage and family was something that could work. She started to think she'd benefit and flourish from it and not suffocate and drown like her mother did. Her biggest fear was to disappear.

All her research confirmed marriage was a much better deal for men then for women. Married men lived longer than single men, reported happiness at twice the rate, and were overall healthier than their single brothers. Married women, however, suffered more frequently from depression, suicidal thoughts and alcoholism than did single women.

As the years went on and Freedom grew from an infant to a toddler and then to a little girl with her own ideas and demands, living with Robert was a burden Pamela was not willing to endure. Having never been married, she was free to go when the college offered her a tenure-track position teaching Women's Studies in a town she wasn't quite sure how to find. She was excited and heart-broken to leave the bustling streets of Brooklyn for the desolate roads of Settler.

Moving upstate was hard on her daughter. In Brooklyn, it was easy to be called Freedom when your classmates were named Willow and Justice. But moving to a small town where the children are called Betsy, Sally and Bobby made the transition difficult.

To make matters worse, Freedom was suspicious of the quiet and darkness unbroken by street lamps, passing cars or lighted signs. She clung to her mother in open spaces. She asked for her father who called less and less.

Professor Annachild tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. The heat was blasting through the vents, but the cold still seeped through the doors of her second-hand Chevy. She was listening to Joan Baez on the eight-track.

Though she was cold, the professor loved how clean white snow and crisp air made one feel cleansed. Summer made her feel dirty and in need of a shower. She thought of the grime of Brooklyn streets where snow, even when it did fall, soon turned as black as the squirrels. 

The professor parked across the street as many cars were lined up in front of Matilda Goodwoman's house. She was born with the name Goodman but legally changed it when she started teaching. The Sisters of Change met once a month. The professor was welcomed by women milling around the house. She was offered wine, bread and baba ganouj.   

Matilda tapped the gavel against the coffee table to call the meeting to order. “Let's see. Let's start with old business. The Sisters of Change made a two hundred and seventy five dollar donation to the domestic violence hot line,” the members clapped. “And we didn't need to have a bake sale to do it!” The group members laughed.

A few women have applied to the highway department since the town allocated one million dollars to expand the highway from Route 37 to 101 which will give residents easy access to downtown shopping. It was announced in the paper these jobs pay $15 an hour.”  Murmurs of amazement erupted.

Only problem is, three local women applied for the highway job and were offered $4 an hour to work in the office.” The members collectively shook their heads.

We'll never get ahead if we don't make money,” said one member.

Sons a bitches,” shouted another.

I say we protest.”

Catherine?” Matilda addressed her student intern. “Do you mind sending a list around?” She looked to the members. “Please sign up if you want to work on this project.” The young woman made a note at the top of her pad and passed the sheet around.

The other issue is the clinic,” said Matilda. “The Jesus freaks are harassing the girls going in for an abortion.”

Jesus would never harass a woman,” the professor said to the woman next to her.

Matilda Goodwoman continued to identify grievances against local woman and possible solutions were discussed.

Professor Annachild looked out the window at the snow falling down. She only half-listened knowing she would not only agree, but volunteer for whatever tasks were deemed necessary to bring about the desired results.

She looked out the window and watched as a neighbor unloaded firewood from his truck. At first, she thought the shadow on his back was long black hair and the man was Professor Walks Tall. She realized it wasn't him and she had only produced his long mane in her mind. Now, what on earth made her think of him?

 

                                   

Raynetta had just finished mopping up at the laundromat when she checked the chore chart in the shelter and discovered she was responsible for mopping the kitchen. She was truly discouraged when the shelter manager said, “be sure to get under the table, someone spilled grape juice.”

She took out the mop and bucket from the supply closet and mixed some cleaning solution with water. Her arms and shoulders were already aching. She thought about how Felicia will never have to clean up after anyone, perhaps not even herself.

After she mopped up, a new resident walked across the floor with muddy shoes and took a bottle of pop from the refrigerator she held in a hand with only three fingers.

Hey, what's wrong with you?” Raynetta asked. However, upon seeing the woman face to face, she remembered her from a news story that circulated about three years ago.

The woman had been kidnapped, shoved into a van in a store parking lot just before Christmas. She'd been raped and drugged. After the kidnappers were done with her they left her for dead in the woods. She's eventually made it to the highway, naked and half-frozen to death. She lost her fingers from frostbite. Raynetta had read about her in the paper at the time. Every woman she knew was afraid to go out at night until the men were captured.

Now Raynetta looked at the woman. She was short with wild hair and eyes to match. She simply turned and walked to the stairwell on her way back to the third floor. Raynetta mopped up the marks she left behind.

Back in her room, Felicia was finishing her homework. The beds were neatly made and the room was illuminated by the lamp that Felicia was reading by. Raynetta collapsed on her twin bed and opened her Women's Studies book to finish the required chapter for the next day. Felicia looked at her and smiled, “We're both doing our homework.”

Raynetta smiled back and looked down at her book and read, “Madame C. J. Walker: The First Black Woman Millionaire.” Black... woman... millionaire? It was like saying jumbo shrimp. Somehow the words didn't seem to fit together. She looked at the picture accompanying the article. Madame Walker was sitting with her back straight posing for the camera. She was a heavy woman and the black and white film gave the picture an unreal quality. Her hair was coiffed and short framing her face in neat waves, uncharacteristic for a woman of color.

Walker sold hair care products for black women. Raynetta read, “Born in 1867 just two years after abolition, Walker worked the plantation picking cotton with her parents until she was orphaned at age seven. Later she took in laundry.” Why we always got to do somebody else's laundry? thought Raynetta before she continued reading. “Later Madame Walker invented Vegetable Shampoo, Wonderful Hair Groomer, and Vanishing Cream to lighten the complexion and straighten hair.”

Raynetta tried to recall if she had ever once read about a black woman when she was in school. She looked over at Felicia, “Are you reading about somebody?” she asked her daughter.

Yeah.”

Who?”

Benjamin Franklin,” her daughter answered without taking her eyes from the page.

Umph, a white man.”

What?”

Never mind.”

The only black person her daughter was ever required to read about was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and she knew more about his death than his life. The black and white images on the balcony of that hotel, the horrified faces of those around him and all those outstretched arms, fingers pointing in the same direction.

The only black folks Raynetta can recall from her own school days were slaves. Group photographs of black people in rags, looking straight into the camera, the anguish in their eyes captured as sure as they were. Mothers of different shapes and sizes, an occasional old man wearing a worn hat, a young man, muscled and defiant, holding a pick or a mallet, and half-clothed children, the whole lot of them mercifully long dead. Probably the only time they stopped moving was to pose for that picture. They were either working or running from somebody.

Raynetta remembered the Walker saleswomen coming door to door when she was a kid selling hair products. They were young and pretty. Even though the saleswomen were black, she never dreamed the owner was too. Every woman she knew took in laundry, kept someone else's house, or watched someone else's child. The prospect of a black woman owning her own business had never entered Raynetta's mind.

She continued to read and she learned about Madame C.J. Walker's commitment to African Americans, “Although her products were advertised as those that would allow women to blend in with the mainstream with hair straightening products and creams designed to lighten the complexion, Walker supported many black artists and scholars who she thought could 'uplift the race.'”

Raynetta lay on the bed thinking about what she had read. She looked at her daughter. Felicia had washed her hair and now her soft curls that framed her lovely face were moving upwards as it dried.

Let me do your hair before I get too tired.”

I'm not going to put that nasty stuff in my hair mama. This is how the kids wear it in school now, you know, natural.”

Raynetta looked at her daughter. Her face was illuminated by the single desk lamp. She smiled at her before she turned over to go to sleep. 

 

 

Choosing what to wear on Tuesdays and Thursdays became as difficult for Freedom as talking to her mother. As much as she dared to hope for this particular sequence of events to occur, the reality of being lab partners with Jimmy Hawkins both thrilled and mortified her.

Science class was near the end of the school day and Freedom moved reluctantly through the maze of unsatisfying events that filled her teenage existence: cereal in the messy kitchen, the crowded bus, and several tedious classes, until she was finally able to spend a precious forty-five minutes with Jimmy.

 Freedom laughed at everything he said. They spent their time in a series of childish flirtations: he took her pencil and held it behind his back, he tugged her hair and looked straight ahead when she turned to see who did it. They fought over things they didn't want just for the opportunity to touch one another's hands in a struggle over a piece of paper or a pencil. “No, that's mine,” they cried, their fingers entwined as they struggled until the teacher reprimanded them.

 But when Jimmy looked at her, Freedom's breath caught her throat. To the fatherless girl, attention from a boy was like oxygen in a life with little room to breathe.

What are you doing after school?” he asked her one day. “Nothing,” she whispered, wondering if she'd really been asked a question. She was supposed to meet her girlfriends and briefly thought of how her mother would interpret the betrayal, but one cannot turn away when a real event is something sprung from imagination. This was unprecedented and her friends would want to hear every detail, quelling whatever bad feelings they might have for her not showing up.

The two met at the back entrance of school as planned. Freedom followed Jimmy through the school yard into the surrounding woods.

You want to get high?” he asked.

Sure.”

Jimmy took Freedom to a clearing in the woods which he obviously frequented often. Four large logs were arranged in a semi-circle creating a little living room in the clearing. There wasn't much to the small joint that took Jimmy several attempts to light. Freedom cupped her hands near his to get it started. They passed it back and forth until a peaceful haze surrounded them. Freedom savored the warmth from Jimmy's thigh that was pressed against her own as they sat on the fallen tree.

You cold?” he asked.

A little,” she said.

Jimmy put his arm around Freedom and rubbed vigorously for a few blissful seconds.

Thanks,” she said shyly.

They sat in the clearing. The sky was cloudy and a bird sounded above them.

Do you have any brothers and sisters?” Freedom asked.

I have two brothers. The older one joined the army and then there's the baby. How 'bout you?”

No, it's just me and my mom.”

That's cool.” Jimmy's standard response.

She works a lot. She's a professor at the college.”

Whoa, I'm not sure if my parents can read.” The effects of the weed were beginning to take hold and the two laughed about Jimmy's parents much harder than was warranted.

Over the coming weeks, their courtship took place in the patch of woods. Sometimes other kids were gathered there, which Freedom always found disappointing. She liked to listen to Jimmy talk in the quiet of the surrounding trees: his love of music, his hate for his parents, his hopes for the future, his discovery of a hue in her hair or the way she says a certain word, how they sometimes studied one another's features before breaking into a fit of laughter. She savored each warm kiss that soaked up her loneliness as she mourned the end of each embrace.  

The only problem was what to do in the hours between those moments. They stretched in front of her like childhood itself. She did her school work, sketched her designs, talked with her friends. But her thoughts were a continuous reenactment of their last encounter with slight variations, including wittier comments from her and Jimmy pledging his everlasting love.

Alone in her room, Freedom stared at the phone and listened to the cacophony of sounds made by the old house: the ticking and hissing of the pipes, the settling of the floors, and the aching in the walls which could only be compared to the dull anguish in her heart.   

 

 

Chapters

4

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Widget wrote 942 days ago

You've intertwined the characters beautifully. The plot is wonderful - the feminist whose daughter wants to just get married, pregnant and be a fashion designer (or pop starlet?), isn't that what happened to all of them?. Wonderful imagery woven into rich text and well-written. Backed with pleasure. All the best, Katherine - The Quizzical Wizards of Id.

CarolinaAl wrote 969 days ago

A thought provoking, character rich story. Well etched characters. Your story grabbed me from the start. An interesting and unique storyline. Insightful narrative. Dialogue that resonates. Beautifully chosen words. Enviable writing. An arresting read. Backed.

Beval wrote 1021 days ago

This is very well done, the contrast between the two women is brought out layer by layer with an elegant and sure hand.
I think what struck me was how Pamela's colour and social position gave her the freedom to be to be a radical feminist, but Raynetta, not matter how much she might wish for the chance, was denied the ease of protest because of class and race.
The writing here creates a bond between reader and characters, by the end of the second chapter I wanted to know each of them better and i was concerned for them. I know this is something I would read from cover to cover. I have a feeling there would be times when I would be angry with each of them for different reasons, but there will also be times when i will laugh and cry with them.
A sensative book written with love and care.

nsllee wrote 1025 days ago

Hi Dolores

3 contrasting stories, each one rendered with the same care, empathy and verisimilitude. I look forward to seeing how their stories will develop and interact. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Lara wrote 1070 days ago

Well done, backed. Sorry time today prevents a proper review. Lara, Good For Him

Andrew Burans wrote 1090 days ago

You have written a powerful examination of the barriers women still faced in the 70's. What you have posted so far is well written, well paced and your character development is excellent. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Kristen Stone wrote 1090 days ago

I have often wondered how the children of the 'women's liberation' movement would feel about the feminist ideals. This story tackles this problem and the contrast between the professor and her daughter very clearly shown. As others have said there is a need for some editing but in general the writing is strong and moves along with an ease that takes the reader forward. Would like to see a bit more uploaded before backing, however. I don't see the point of backing something that is not near completion, but keep working and good luck.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man

CraigD wrote 1094 days ago

You've got a really challenging narrative here, and your writing bears it out well. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

A Knight wrote 1094 days ago

I read the first chapter, hooked, engaged and overjoyed. The characters, Prof Annachild and Freedom, are a rich contrast, beautifully described and incredibly real. I adored the description of the students and Freedom's secrtet desire. Stunning writing and an engaging premise.

Backed with pleasure.

Abi xxxx

Bill Carrigan wrote 1097 days ago

Dear Delores,

Thanks very much for backing "The Doctor of Summitville." I've backed "Freedom's Mother" and written a criticism with some detailed notes, but the comment was blocked--"Technical Error." I don't understand this. Maybe I took too long, but the gist of it was that I admire your book but believe you should dramatize the conflict between Annachild and Freedom." I'll see if this gets through before elaborating.

Thanks again and good luck, Bill

Becca wrote 1139 days ago

Great premise to this story. Sentence structure and punctuation needs some work, but you can't beat the content!
Backed.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

Burgio wrote 1141 days ago

I like this book a lot. I used to teach a college class so the inner thoughts of the teacher as she begins her class (picking out the class joker, etc) ring true. The info she gives her class (Jesus as a feminist) is challenging. You've made all three of your main characters likable and sympathetic; your formatting, I'm sure you know, is mixed up, but your dialouge and everything else about this is right on. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Famlavan wrote 1146 days ago

Freedom’s Mother

I think the structure and composition of this book is stunning. The story almost in a story is so well told. You have some humorous, and great turn of phrases, as it the vacuuming noise. The interaction between mother and daughter is very well exposed. As I said earlier extremely well structured. – Good luck

SusieGulick wrote 1158 days ago

Dear Delores, What a story! It must be based on fact. I love that you have short paragraphs & also dialogue to help me understand & be in the book, too. I thought that I had backed your book, but can't find where, so will do it again. Thank you for taking the time to back my, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" on March 7 (you were the 8th to back me :) It's at the top now. . I hope you'll take a moment to back my 2nd book which is the unedited version: Tell Me True Love Stories Thanks, Susie :)

Kop wrote 1158 days ago

Thanks for commenting on The Lucky Bean Tree. I will take note. Have really enjoyed your book ; nicely written with excellently drawn characters. Backed. Kop.

yasmin esack wrote 1161 days ago

This different and seeems like it should be a movie. Gripping and enjoyable. I would shorten your sentences and use fullstops so that the effectiveness of the professor is more profound.

Backed

AJB wrote 1161 days ago

Delores - I'm really enjoying your story. Professor Annachild and Freedom are vividly drawn and I want to find out what happens to Raynetta and Felicia.

Your pitches are great, although Pamela probably wasn't a professor when she embarked on her life of childrearing, so perhaps it should be 'Pamela Annachild' rather than 'Professor Annachild' at the beginning of the long pitch?

The only other part that tripped me up a bit was the paragraph about the housework (or lack thereof!), which is a bit of a mixture of present and past tense.

Thanks very much for sharing your story - it's good stuff!

Amanda

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 1163 days ago

Interesting, even compelling story. The tense threw me off a bit, but not enough to stop reading.

Lockjaw

Sheila Belshaw wrote 1163 days ago

FREEDOM'S MOTHER:

Dolores,

I enjoyed this very much. An enticing pitch that sets up a plethora of conflicting situations that makes a very strong foundation for this well written novel. Strong characters too, who bring the story to life on the very first page with crisp, realistic dialogue. I did wonder whether Freedom might resent her mother for calling her Freedom, but I can understand the motive for this name.

Backed, with great pleasure, and wishing you good luck.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Cully wrote 1164 days ago

This starts off very well written and interesting. I like the prof analyzing each student, classifying them, and then having the inner dialogue with herself, substantiating her thoughts on her students with what they provide in response. GOod stuff.

No need to repeat "new students," as we already know that from mentioning it previously.

This has a quick southern feel about it, and at first I wasn't sure I'd like the name Freedom (thought it was being too cute), but it works.

And you have great descriptions, which I especially liked when you described the waif-like models and their pointy hip bones.

Your writing is strong, and the dialogue is just as equally strong, which makes for an easy read--but a smart one nonetheless. I wanted chapter 1 to be a little shorter--not because it isn't good, but rather because I know not everyone will sit and read when they see how long it is. On this site, anyway, draw them in with your already powerful writing (and a shorter chapter), and then get them sucked in so they can't click away.

And the line "There's more sadness here than in a graveyard..." is a very nice line.

Cully

Hatts wrote 1167 days ago

Having read chapter one, I can't wait to get back into the book.
Backed with pleasure for now, will comment more later.
best of luck
Hatts

Denise Heinze wrote 1169 days ago

Dolores,
I went back and forth with your novel, since I'm choosy about what I put on my shelf. I love the premise--the radical feminist mom and the more traditional daughter, Freedom. I thought the opening scene was true, though be careful not to lapse into stereotypes; e.g. it isn't always the male student who challenges authority or loves sports. If you're saying Annachild is the one typecasting, that's different but you need to make that more clear. I also think you need to round out Annachild a bit, provide some other aspect of her character besides the rigid, angry academic. What I did enjoy was your humor--so hard to do. And, when Raynette enters the picture, you open up another dimension of the novel, which makes it complex and hence more interesting. Be more careful with grammar and mechanics--seek out a grammar wonk to help you fine-tune this. I think this has a lot of promise. On that basis I'm backing it.
Cheers,
Denise

AlanMarling wrote 1172 days ago

Dear Dolores Regan,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I appreciate the irony of Freedom supporting the statues quo of sub-citizen status. You first establish the professor’s credentials as a veteran teacher with her experience with students. Her evaluation of the arrogant jock who is “served by tired women all his life” is the most amusing. The students find her shocking, aptly depicted by how they “stampede out of the room as if the walls were closing in”. I believe the compound adjective in “waif like models” should be hyphenated. I grinned at how Freedom hides girlie magazines like others hide pot. Good details like “vacuuming a noise so rare it took several seconds to identify”. You’ve set up an interesting juxtaposition between mother and daughter, and I’m interested to see how this resolves as the story progresses. Will they find a balance between bra-burning and housecleaning, or will one of them shift? I like the phrase “chose conversations with her as carefully as women choose tomatoes in the supermarket”.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your long pitch even more exciting by removing the second paragraph and integrating Raynetta into the remaining pitch. Also, to make things simple, don’t refer to her by name but “a woman living in a homeless shelter”.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed, and best wishes.

lionel25 wrote 1177 days ago

Dolores, I enjoyed the true-to-life dialogue in your first chapter. I probably would slightly modify the opening sentence of the second paragraph: ...of the little freshmen, watching their eyes and mouths open slightly. [Note I've also changed "freshman" to "freshmen", since you go plural afterward.]

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

missyfleming_22 wrote 1180 days ago

This is a beautifully written book. It takes us to a very important part of our history and what it was like then. I've always been fascinated with the late 60's and 70's so I enjoyed this very much! You've done a great job with this.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

SiCorbz wrote 1183 days ago

Hi Dolores. Freedom's Mother. (I am commenting having read 4 ex 4 chapters). Having now been formalised (certainly within academia) as a movement/ideology for half a century, feminism is probably due a re-evaluation in the 21st C -- and here we have exactly that within an entertaining and accessible novel that I can see mothers giving to their teenage daughters as a gift (especially given the plotline). There is a valuable social message beneath this prose -- not least in the scenes in the shelter in Ch 3. It reminds me strongly of The Women's Room by Marilyn French or perhaps even Fear Of Flying by Erica Jong (although without the raunch!...although there may well be some raunch appearing in the later chapters?!) Like those famous 1970s feminist novels, yours is probably going to be very much a 'woman's' book -- given its overt emphasis on women's issues. (It will be interesting to see if authonomy proves me right or wrong on this point!) I have to admit that, were it not for your (kind and very much appreciated!) support of Little Bastard, Freedom's Mother is not a book I would have explored based purely on its pitch. I think it's really due to the different perspective male and female readers will bring to the issue(s) -- we will both relate differently and women readers will identify with the themes in a way us blokes just can't! Having said that, it is very well written and the plotline is a great one -- contrasting the two different sets of attitudes across two generations of women -- and I am sure it will be a big success in its target market. (Have you -- or your agent -- approached Virago yet?) I spotted a few typos here and there (e.g. "Another words" in Ch 4 should be "In other words..." etc)...nothing a proof-read cannot address....and you will need to sort out that formatting at some point 'cos it's a bit distracting to those reading here on the site. Shelved. ATB Simon (Little Bastard)

writerwithacause wrote 1187 days ago

Dolores,
Wow this looks like a good read. You took me way back to my college days sitting in the big lecutre hall on Bloomington's campus. I think you do really well at allowing the reader to know your characters and to understand the setting It's obviouis that Pamela is an agent of change while Freedom wants things to remain the same. This seems very realistic to me how sometimes children go the opposite direction of their parents possibly because they become drained having to live through our passions. Backed with pleasure. Lisa

Pierre Van Rooyen wrote 1190 days ago


Dear Dolores,


OK, got you on my shelf.

What on earth is an illiterate farm boy like me going to say to a graduate with two degrees? Tee-hee.

Having spent a thousand hours critiquing eight hundred manuscripts on this site (lots of moans and groans) I am a bit weary, so no detailed crit from me.

I did scan your opening pages and was struck by your easy-going style (beware of drive-by flattery, hey). Keep it that way. My big grouse on this site is overwriting.

Also, you seem to drive the story via the characters. Yeah, sure, that's the way to get the reader to experience what's going on rather than read it.

Dialogue is improved when one dispenses with 'he said/she said' as far as possible.

I edit the hell out of my stuff and tighten the writing like crazy. If I can get away with a two word sentence, I will

Do take note of other writers' criticism as it is far superior to the inane reviews by Harper Collins. The constructive criticism I received from fellow writers enabled me to rewrite Fig Tree after it made the desk. No big deal about the desk. In my opinion, HC editors can neither write nor edit.

OK, this hayseed is gonna go get himself a cup of tea now.

Have a ball,


Pierre.

Helena wrote 1191 days ago

Hi Delores, great characterisations in this piece so far, both the professor and her daughter are described beautifully and their different characters almost jump off the page. The opeing dialogue is very strong, the class dynamic comes across straight away and I love the idea that she is picking out her typical student types on the very first day, the joker, the returning student, the challenger, it was a nice subtly piece of humor. Your write very well and thre is good pace to this story so far. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Margaret Anthony wrote 1192 days ago

There is a fascinating story woven into your long pitch and the tags too tell of important social events. I persevered reading as much as I could and enjoyed it. It's a period of time I remember and you've captured it well.
You tell a good story and craft your characters so they remain memorable beside providing a clear window to thought-provoking views and pertinent subjects.
It would be really good if you could improve on the formatting because it distracts from a smooth read, well, for me anyway. Backed. Margaret.

paxie wrote 1192 days ago

Dolores

I attended a Writers Conference....A Literary Agent gave a speech on 'How Not To Present A Manuscript' top of the list of (Do Not Do's).......was to open with dialogue......She likened it to sitting in the theatre, the play begins but the curtain does not rise........Or watching television and the picture goes out, no matter how riverting the conversation, with no visual, you lose interest.....

I kind of agree.......Well I paid £130 to hear the speech.....I was desperate to agree.....

I didnt know that women did not have the right to their own children.....(you learn something every day)......

I love the name Freedom....

A plump girl (that )carried herself ........A plum girl (who) carried herself....

Read this line deleting 'that'......there were others but I didn't not them, you may not agree:-

Becky, the caseworker assured Raynetta (that )everything would be alright. “Statistics
show (that )women who enter.........

I enjoyed the read, brilliant premise, good strong characters.....What's not to like.

Shelved


Bradley Wind wrote 1193 days ago

Delores,
Cover: You might consider doing an image search for something that might rep your book or contact me about doing one for you.
Pitches: s=good L=hits the target audience points I think.
Text: I like the opening with a debate of sorts...good to set the tone right off...and forces people to consider what category they'd fall under.
Oh too funny...as soon as I saw you'd named the daughter that I thought of the JJ song...heh.
Wondering what your experience with shelters is...reads like you've got some insights...
Anyway...this is solid and nice to have found.
Best of luck to you with it!
-=Bradley


Bob Steele wrote 1195 days ago

The thing I liked most about Freedom's Mother is that the story is character driven and each of the protagonists is introduced in the opening chapter, so the framework for your narrative is clear from the outset.You introduce them gently but in a way that ensures each of them has a unique voice that I can recognise and feel comfortable with. I also enjoyed the way that you continue to build their personas by showing how they dress, behave and so on, as well as with nice phrases like '..she learned early in life that complaining gets you nowhere'. This is an enjoyable read that I'll back with pleasure.

Jesse Hargreave wrote 1198 days ago

Backed January 22.

Jesse - Savant

Salude El Dia wrote 1212 days ago

Decidedly, this is very well written. I daresay it also does quite well capturing both the tail-end of the Feminist movement that raged in the 60's, while also encapsulating the full spirit of it, along with the "flavor" of the following decade, of the 70's. (I lived through both decades, so I should know!)

I like the characters; they are well-drawn, easy to get to know, and, more importantly, just as easy to remember, whenever their names pop up in the book (no mean feat!).

I like the dynamics between Freedom and her bombastic but well-meaning mom, and the authenticity of Raynetta's experience, her fortitude, and her earnestness. This is a very good book, and very easy to read. Backed!

David Fearnhead wrote 1214 days ago

This reminds me of one those afternoon movies. Flicking through the channels I'll come across this story. I'm far from its intended audience and yet something about it catches my attention and before i know it, my cup of tea has gone stone cold and a couple of hours have passed by. I concur that you develop your characters well and this has a very authentic feel to it.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

Francesco wrote 1215 days ago

Very intriguing, very well crafted...and very much BACKED!

T.L Tyson wrote 1215 days ago

Interesting premise. I do enjoy these types of book, three stories weaving together into one. The opening line is pretty grabbing and i think you do a wonderful job of crafting Freedom and the other characters.
The short pitch needs a quick change so it reads .....,but Freedom, her daughter, longs to...
The way it is right now is sort of confusing.
A cracking story. Good prose and equally great pacing.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Ismay wrote 1215 days ago

I loved the first chapter, especially the paragraph beginning 'early in each new semester'. That is so true. Teachers and others in education can always identify the 'student types' who come along every year. I would definitely read on with this book, I can vaguely remember the atmosphere of the 70s and it conjures up that world beautifully.

A.P. Constantin wrote 1216 days ago

Great opening chapter, introduces the conflict in prose that is smooth and convincing. Would love to see how this is resolved

A.P. Constantin

The Crystal Butterfly Club

C.C.McKinnon wrote 1216 days ago

I think this is a very interesting piece of work. It could do with a little editing but then most on here could.

alias miss ferkit wrote 1217 days ago

Oh, my word. Stunning writing, clarity and nuance in social observation, and... that strange trinity of female life: feminism vs. femininity vs...womanly trouble. As a social worker / therapist - I found the Raynetta thread particularly moving and on-target, her meltdown while reading 'Ain't I a Woman?' one of the wrenching pleasures here.

Backed!

Andrea Levin
(Last Days of the Transitional Objects Institute)

soutexmex wrote 1221 days ago

interesting and innovative angle; SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Barry Wenlock wrote 1222 days ago

Hi Dolores - I like it. It challenges male stereotyping immediately. And who better than Jesus to make us sit up? Jesus - a feminist? Why yes! And God, white? Surely not! Obvious, when you think about it, which this book makes us do.

The funny guy? yeh, we all know him.

It does need a polish, just to get the flow going a little more, but the dialogue is strong and seems natural and there's humour, too. just like in real life. I read three chapters, enjoyed them. Backed. Best wishes, Barry

jcoop50 wrote 1223 days ago

Hi,
Enjoyed the first couple of chapters. I received very similar comments with my first draft and know once you make the changes you will have a book that does great on Authonomy. As a feminist at heart, I relate to your premise.
BACKED!
Jane Cooper
The Transformer

Simon Swift wrote 1223 days ago

A little polishing and you have a potentially good book here! Keep going, girl!
Simon

Melcom wrote 1223 days ago

I agree with the other comments about the formatting, but this is easily sorted.

Promises to be a good read once the glitch is sorted out.

Good luck with it.

Melxx
UNICORN

John Wickey wrote 1224 days ago

This will be quite an interesting novel with the competing worlds of the feminist ideal versus the woman who simply chooses femininity. It is funny that while feminism supposedly stands for women's freedom, in many instances feminists can actually become tyrants subjugating women to their world view. A very touchy subject, but I believe that you will carry it off well. I am backing you because I think this book will go far. Bravo!

Steve Games wrote 1224 days ago


Formatting troubles interrupt the flow of reading, but I like the characterizations and the scope of the story, which fascinates me.
- Steve

Suzannah Burke wrote 1224 days ago

Hi and you have a page turner on your hands, take a look at the lay out as it is currently not reader friendly, the spacing and the line drops are inhibiting what is a damned fine piece of work. I haven't seen this happen before however I would hate it to stop people from reading and commenting on your excellent book.

Let me know by message if I can assist in anyway, however I think the only way this can be corrected is to go back in and edit the layout and post the chapter afresh.

I have BACKED this with pleasure, and will read more as time permits.
Suzannah Burke
Dudes Down Under

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