Family Secrets

Hello Gail and it was your book cover that attracted me first. Then your short pitch said you must read me so I obeyed and then your long pitch grabbed me and would not let me go. Wow what a read, you have crafted this book with talent that should be supported......I really like you first person narrative this is what I use also. you have great talent can I have some ha ha ha!.
CONGRATS .. This is not my genre but it is so important to cross over some times to appreciate other authors and comment and back for skill etc if nothing else......BACKED by me for sure....... would be so happy if you would review my book and COMMENT and if you will BACK it. Either way BEST of luck with your book

Denise
The Letter

You are like totally fantastic, Gail! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

A verry well written narritive that engages the reader. C W

I really like your use of the first person narrative. What you have posted so far is well written and well paced. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development of Rachael is solid. Your highly descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted story will have a broad appeal with the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Gail, What a great story...The only reason this rank isn't higher is because more people haven't read it. This is a great premise with wonderrful main characters...Rach and Luke are great, and the circle that surrounds them in your supporting characters are just as strong.

Rachel's inner dialogue draws us into her journey and tugs at our heartsrings, keeping us close on the trail.
Your pace and descriptive writing are perfect, and you build the story brilliantly. Just enough intrigue to keep us wondering...sorry there wasn't more posted please let me know when you've uploaded more...thoroughly enjoyed this one...Backed with pleasure Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Dear Gail, I love your hook you left at the end :) - am glad it is a trilogy since you left me hanging. :) I'd rather not know - my life is tragedy enough as you'll see in my memoir without having to pry any further. Thanks for putting me right there in your story - I really felt sorry for your heroine. Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Hi Gail, Rachel’s personality emerges more and more in the first chapter. She’s edgy and when she says “I wondered what I’ve gotten into” belies the synopsis, that maybe that’s how she’s felt with her parents. A swift pace that expresses the bewilderment that she is going through her first day. And good for the target age. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

FAMILY SECRETS
This is a good story. You have a good character in Rachel; she’s likable and sympathetic immediately because she’s beginning a new school. I think you’ll find a wide teenage audience for this among students who have had to change schools so can relate to her. Teenagers will also relate to her being told she’s adopted (many teenagers wish they’d discover they’re adopted so will want to see how all of this plays out. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Gail, I like the mix of narrative and true-to-life dialogue in that first chapter. Good job on this section.

Shelved with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I would say this was perfectly pitched for a YA audience. Eminently accessible, you employ an excellent use of first person. Your dialogue is sharp and there is a fantastic hook in your pitch to keep all readers entertained.
Good work.
Backed
Carl
The Time Hunters

Very well suited for YA, no problem with them ging mad for this one. Nice clean flow to your writing and the characters are really deep and believable.

Backed for sure
The Lord of the Dawn

I certainly would expect teenagers to connect with this.
It has all the elements there. The crashing realisation that are secluded little world is actually the false creation of protective parents. It's refreshing to read a novel aimed at the YA market where she doesn't discover she's really a vampire...that's not hidden in some chapter I haven't read yet is it? Anyways backing this vampire free zone.
David
Bailey of the Saints

This is a coming of age novel geared toward the YA audience. Main character Rachel is adjusting to her new life, new school and all the emotional turmoil that comes with change. At the same time she is forced to come to grips with decisions her parents have made and whether or not she agrees with them or even trusts her parents because of the secrets and lies that have been dealt.

Your pitch does an excellent job of introducing and describing Rachel and the plotline. First suggestion - break your long intro into separate paragraphs with a double space in between. I would suggest a hard return at "Her search is" and "Readers comments." Also, you've got some room in there to expand more on Rachel and drama in the book - give the reader reason to want to open the pages. The pitches are good, can be even stronger, even at the cost of removing the readers' comments.

Inside, you've clearly got a sense of teenage girls and their emotions. Rachel is drawn well, especially her nervous anticipation before starting school. I loved the converation with Sam - it gave a really good understanding of the depth of friendship she left behind. And the scene with Emma as she starts school - the bully - was a great way to start the book. Dialogue is believable teenage banter - great job there, even allowing for my own lack of familiarity with teenagers I have enough access to recognise the accuracy you've demonstrated.
Couple of edits I saw as I read... Paragraph 21, "See you", - the comma needs to go inside the end quote. Paragraph 37 needs a quote at the beginning of "Aw, are we new?" In paragraphs 53 and 55, I slowed down at the full stop / period and comma together after admin, and you've also got one with a capital and the other lower cased. In the first instance, I would get rid of the word altogether - "I'll take you to the office." In the second I would suggest "staff members" over "Admin., staff" (the comma is not even needed there.) Only small niggles, nothing major here at all.
Overall, this is a very strong addition to the YA section here. Well written, very believable. I'm happy to back this.

Jared
Mummy's Boy

Great opening chapter. Fast paced. Filled with first day jitters. Love the intrigue of the last line.

HJ
The Pearl Edda

Interesting plot. Rachael's character is strong. I like the tittle of book. Backed to give you a boost. Lisa

This is a book with an interestingly different plot, as described in your pitch. Your writing impresses me. You give Rachel a voice, both in narrative and in dialogue, which demonstrates your good ear for the speech patterns of modern teenagers; and this brings her alive at once. Her phone conversation with Sam, and her first day at the new school, let us into her background in the best way, without the need for a large chunks of information. This is well crafted and skillful. Rachel is a very likable girl, and you draw us in to read more about her because we already care about her. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Thanks very much Gerry. I'm glad you enjoyed it. The teen speech took some working in as it didn't come naturally, however, I'm finding myself thinking in teen talk now, especially as I am currently writing 'Family Fear' which is the sequel to 'Family Secrets'.
I'll add your book to my watchlist and get to it asap.
Gail

This is a book with an interestingly different plot, as described in your pitch. Your writing impresses me. You give Rachel a voice, both in narrative and in dialogue, which demonstrates your good ear for the speech patterns of modern teenagers; and this brings her alive at once. Her phone conversation with Sam, and her first day at the new school, let us into her background in the best way, without the need for a large chunks of information. This is well crafted and skillful. Rachel is a very likable girl, and you draw us in to read more about her because we already care about her. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This is a real winner in style and substance. I enjoy the first person POV especially, brings it right home. Backed. Tania, This Last Summer

Thanks very much Tania.

A great read, realistic dialogue for the characters you have created.


Happy to back it and good luck.

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

Thanks very much Mel.

A great read, realistic dialogue for the characters you have created.


Happy to back it and good luck.

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

Thanks very much Mel.

This is a real winner in style and substance. I enjoy the first person POV especially, brings it right home. Backed. Tania, This Last Summer

A great read, realistic dialogue for the characters you have created.


Happy to back it and good luck.

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

Gail
My 16 year old girl started a new College this summer (on her own).....It was her choice, she decided the school she was at didn't have the subjects she wanted to go forward with, so she had to change...

..We read this together.....She said....'It's just like that, but I felt a bit sick all day, even after meeting people'
So there you are, it must be good, because thats a gold star in words, is it not.......

It was February and it was freezing........It was February, and freezing........(no need to repeat was, the context is already past tense....It was February........Do a word count on 'was' it might be a habit you have in repeating it...

Shelved, best of luck with this....

Thanks for that Paxie. It really is a recommendation for a 16 year old to identify with it, so that is really encouraging. I do know I have a problem with 'was', I've had to start being strict with myself, crossing them out, however, a few still slip through, so thanks for spotting that one - it's history! lol

If your daughter enjoyed reading it, I would really appreciate her recommending it to her friends. This particular story is already in book form and is available from Amazon.co.uk, tesco.com and many more websites - 'Family Secrets' by Gail Jones. I'm still pursuing it as it isn't in print with a mainstream publisher and as it is the first in a trilogy I'm hoping for it to be recognised. Thanks again. Gail

Gail
My 16 year old girl started a new College this summer (on her own).....It was her choice, she decided the school she was at didn't have the subjects she wanted to go forward with, so she had to change...

..We read this together.....She said....'It's just like that, but I felt a bit sick all day, even after meeting people'
So there you are, it must be good, because thats a gold star in words, is it not.......

It was February and it was freezing........It was February, and freezing........(no need to repeat was, the context is already past tense....It was February........Do a word count on 'was' it might be a habit you have in repeating it...

Shelved, best of luck with this....

I enjoyed reading this. It moves along quickly with some nice descriptive writing. You always get the sense of being in the character's POV and the teenage thoughts appear very natural. Backed with pleasure, Sana

Thanks Sana, your comments are appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it. Gail

I enjoyed reading this. It moves along quickly with some nice descriptive writing. You always get the sense of being in the character's POV and the teenage thoughts appear very natural. Backed with pleasure, Sana

SHELVED!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Very good pitch and loved what I read so far. School stories are just fascinating to me for some reason. Your dialogue and plot are very realistic. Shelved with pleasure.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Doesn't everyone love stories about school, and this is particularly well written with excellent believable dialogue and a good premise. I've already bonded with Rachel and Emma after only one chapter. Backed with pleasure.
BADD

I've only read chapter one - a bit pressed for time - but I really liked this confidently-written portrayal of a teenaged girl in a new place. Starting with Rachel in a tricky situation is an effective way of helping the reader bond with her and take interest in her story. The dialogue was believable, too - plus the hook at the end of the chapter was a nice touch. So far I don't see anything that makes this stand out particularly, but when I read your pitch I see that the real tumult is still to occur so I see why you're establishing a semblance of normality before proceeding.

Thanks for your comments Alexandra, you're right the first chapter really creates the character and atmosphere, the second chapter wish where the bombshell lands and her world turns upside down. Thanks for reading. Gail
Already backed,

Alexandra

Read to chapter 7. Missing twin, eh? This is a good story line and can be used to explore all kinds of issues. A good read, would use this with my YA classes to discuss some of these ideas. Good luck with it, Jim D Serpent's Blood

Hi Jim

Glad you enjoyed reading Family Secrets. What is your YA classes? Family Secrets is currently in print (not a mainstream publisher yet though) and is available all over the internet including amazon, tescos etc, if you want to use the whole book with your class. (There's a couple of interesting twists at the end)

I'll add your book to my watchlist to read asap.

Gail

Hi Gail - I think you capture the teenage girl misfit angst so well. I have only read a couple of chapters but am happy to back this on the basis of your MC and her struggle with nasty piece of work Emma. I will read more as I find the time. Best of luck!

Thanks JHoom for reading my book, I will look out for yours and add it to my watch list to read when I get the chance. Gail

Read to chapter 7. Missing twin, eh? This is a good story line and can be used to explore all kinds of issues. A good read, would use this with my YA classes to discuss some of these ideas. Good luck with it, Jim D Serpent's Blood

Hi Gail - I think you capture the teenage girl misfit angst so well. I have only read a couple of chapters but am happy to back this on the basis of your MC and her struggle with nasty piece of work Emma. I will read more as I find the time. Best of luck!