Book Jacket

 

rank 5844
word count 25288
date submitted 08.09.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Children's, Comedy
classification: universal
complete

Tommy and the Bedbugs

Benedict N John

The hilarious roller-coaster tale of a nine year-old's attempts to retrieve his Christmas present from the 'monsters' that live beneath his bed!

 

Set on Christmas Eve this is the amazing tale of Tommy, a very lucky – if slightly spoilt - nine year-old, whose decision to unwrap his present early while his parents are asleep kick starts a chain of events, bringing him face to face with the ‘monsters’ that live under his bed and ultimately taking them all on an action-packed adventure that leads them to uncover the secret operations of the real Santa Claus himself!

 
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tags

adventure, children's, christmas, comedy, fiction

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12

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The next thing Tommy knew he was being rudely awakened by his little sister Suzie, bouncing up and down on the end of his bed.

‘Wake up Tommy, wake up!’ she shrieked, ‘It’s Christmas!’

‘Urgh..’ groaned Tommy, pulling the covers over his head. ‘Just give me a few more minutes.’

‘Come on!’ insisted Suzie, ‘Mum and Dad are already downstairs. We’re all waiting for you, so we can open our presents!’

A chill ran through Tommy, and suddenly he was wide-awake as the events of the previous night slowly started to come back to him. This was the moment he had been dreading and a shiver ran down his spine at the thought of how his parents would react when they found his present was gone.

‘Erm…maybe we should open the presents later,’ he stuttered, in a desperate attempt to buy some time. ‘You know you’re really only supposed to open the presents after the Queen’s speech…’

‘You’re coming down now!’ said Suzie, yanking Tommy’s duvet off him with a decisive tug.

Just then he heard his Mum’s voice from downstairs:

‘Come on, Tommy! We’re all waiting for you!’

Tommy sighed, rubbing his eyes. As his sister ran out of the room, he pulled on his jeans and a t-shirt and, like a man unto the gallows, began trudging his way downstairs after her.

‘There you are, sleepy head!’ his father smiled as Tommy followed his sister into the living room. He got up and engulfed Tommy in a big bear hug. ‘Happy Christmas, son!’ he said, as his Mum came over and kissed him on the forehead. Tommy glanced nervously at the mountain of presents, trying to think furiously about how he was going to break the news to his parents. His present had been buried underneath a couple of larger ones, so no one had yet noticed it was gone. Tommy knew he should come clean now, but he just couldn’t screw up the courage.

‘Suzie – you can be Santa and give the presents out,’ said Mum. ‘Give us oldies a chance to put our feet up.’

Suzie set to her task with glee, handing out the first round of small presents that were sitting on top of the pile, before gradually starting to work her way down. With each present handed out, Suzie was announcing the gift tag with an air of pomp and ceremony. For Tommy, the waiting was like Chinese torture, and beads of sweat began to appear on his brow, as Suzie got closer and closer to where his present had been.

Finally, the moment of reckoning arrived, as she gently removed the two larger presents. Tommy closed his eyes, said a few silent prayers and prepared to face his parents’ wrath.

“To Tommy from Mum and Dad!” squeaked Suzie, as Tommy felt a large box drop into his lap. He opened his eyes and blinked, barely comprehending what he was looking at. There was the present – the same box, with the same wrapping paper, exactly as before!

Tommy turned the box over in amazement. It was definitely the same present – there was even a bit of loose sticky tape on one side, from where he had opened it last night. His mind was racing as he started to open the present. Maybe this had all been a bizarre dream, maybe he had sleepwalked down here last night, and his over-active imagination had created the rest. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became.

Of course it was a dream! The events of last night were just too unreal to have been possible. Tommy felt waves of relief at the realisation that he was no longer in trouble. The feeling was making him giddy and his hands were shaking, as he continued to unwrap the present. The box was upside down, and he could clearly see the label saying ‘Batteries Included!’ on the bottom, as he pulled away the final scraps of wrapping paper. He was busy chastising himself silently at being such a fool for being taken in by his own imaginings when he turned the box over and suddenly froze, all the blood draining from his face.

‘What’s the matter, darling?’ said his Mum, looking at the worried expression on his face. His Dad looked over.

‘You OK, son? That’s the one you wanted isn’t it?’

‘It’s…it’s fantastic, thank you!’ stammered Tommy, but his eyes could barely believe what he was looking at.

There was the Lambourghini Countach, the exact same model, only this one was not flame red, but black! He sat there, stunned for a few seconds, gawping open-mouthed at the box in his hands.

‘Well give us a hug, then!’ chuckled his Dad. ‘Anyone would think you’ve just seen your own ghost!’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Tommy, his mind still reeling. ‘It’s exactly what I wanted. Just took me a bit by surprise, that’s all. Thank you both!’ He leaped over to hug his parents, his heart racing and his mind spinning.

‘Ah, bless his little face!’ said his Mum. ‘I don’t think he really believed we were going to get him the car, after all that nagging. He’s just surprised, that’s all. He looks like he’s just witnessed a miracle!’ she joked, winking to his father.

‘Now, you two,’ said Tommy’s Mum ‘if we’re all finished here I’d better get cracking with the Christmas dinner. I want you both back at the table in an hour.’ She finished, wagging a finger at Tommy and his sister. Just then the doorbell rang and Tommy’s mum got up and left the living room to go and answer the door. A moment later she popped her head back in.

‘Tommy,’ she said, ‘you’ve got a visitor.’ Tommy got up and headed for the front door, his mind still struggling for an explanation for all this. There, standing on the doorstep was a very out of breath Dan.

‘I’ve just run all the way from my house!’ he heaved, with his hands behind his back. ‘You’ll never guess what I got for Christmas!’ he said, taking his hands from behind his back to proudly present the flame red Lambourghini Countach!

Tommy was struck dumb for a few seconds, his mouth falling open and a million emotions pouring through him, before he looked at Dan and winked.

‘Come on then, what are we waiting for? I’ll race you!’ he said, with a cheeky grin.

 

Chapters

12

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Marija F.Sullivan wrote 909 days ago

Attractive pitch and delightful chapters 1 and 2. Might read more anon.
Best wishes, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Nick Poole2 wrote 1190 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Jedda wrote 1265 days ago

I trawled the lists for something different and found your book. It is a lovely tale and just right for this time of the year. I loved the twist at the end. I am not sure what age group this would be suitable for. Independant readers could manage it around 9+ but I think that the story might be too young for them. However it would be a great bedtime story, read by an adult at this time of the year. Regards, Anne"Tyson's Tale."

S Richard Betterton wrote 1709 days ago

Thanks Ben, did you get to read much further in mine? There are a fair few music references there too, in the form of song titles, which appear a bit random (the main character is pretty random) until you reach the end of the story. A shame that the nature of this site means that very few will ever read a complete book.
Good luck, you deserve to be higher.
Simon

gemmaroc wrote 1709 days ago

Hi Ben,
I'm a friend of Simon's and he recommended your book as something I would like. He told me to look out for messeurs Stardust, Pop and Reed!
My kids are a bit young for it now but it looks like something they'd read in the future. I'll let you know when I get a chance to read it all. Good luck!
Gemma

S Richard Betterton wrote 1712 days ago

hey Ben, finished it and it's great. I'd publish it!
Simon
ps. like your music tastes (didn't notice until the Bewlay Brothers!)

danny wrote 1714 days ago

Hi Ben, just wanted to say cheers for the comments on Scratch, really glad you liked it. Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing, eh? Thanks again. I'll have a read of Tommy as soon as I can. Thanks again, Danny

S Richard Betterton wrote 1715 days ago

Hey Ben, thanks for the positive feedback on mine. I've only managed three chapters of yours so far but I'm into it a lot. (Lack of time is so frustrating!) I have this idea that your bed bugs look like the cookie monster, and I loved the litlle touch that the bed lice are responsible for the licenses.
good luck and hope you get up into the radar area (you're on my bookshelf)
Simon

jmac wrote 1715 days ago

Sorry Ben, there are so many names on this website that I'm losing track. I have you on my Watchlist already, and I'm surprised you haven't got more people reading. I finished your story and think it's a great story for kids with a nice little twist at the end. I hope you do well with this and if you do get any in print, I'll buy it for my granddaughter - she's just nine and loves reading. Jim Mac

S Richard Betterton wrote 1717 days ago

I lIke the premise, Benedict. It kind of reminds me of myself at that age (well, not the spoilt bit!) I've only read the first chapter but will read on when I have more time.
cheers,
Simon

AJK wrote 1718 days ago

Hi
You have a lovely idea here and a lovely way with words.I do wonder as to the age you are aiming at? May I suggest something? I had written Hoppin with an 8 plus age group in mind...general feedback was great but they all suggested I gore it up for an older group or simplify for the younger ones.This was hard as fairies aren't that appealing to ten pluses yet my style suits an older audience.I think you have a couple of same instance here.Some parts seem like a good7 or 8 year lod would love this yet a word like 'absolve' crops in...I took on the advice on here and adapted for a 7 plus audience.I think it has worked...I hope this helps alittle and I will watchlist you and read on! Welldone

jmac wrote 1719 days ago

Hi Benedict, this is thoroughly enjoyable and will be great for kids. Just finished chap 3 and will put you on my Watchlist so that I can access your book more easily.
Whereas you have written a funny adventure for the young, I have for over 18's, not that my grandson and newphew haven't read some ot it - the parts I allowed them to. I'm lucky in that I have my book out - self published, but, from the many that have it and the enjoyment they say it has brought them, I believe I did the right thing. I hope it gives you a laugh too.
I'm going to continue with your story when I get the chance, but good luck for now - it's hard to get people to read your work on this website, but I pick randomly, being fairly new myself - 5 days. Good luck with this - good writing.
Jim McD

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