Golden Moon

Dawn,

Ever since Black Beauty pub,(1877) by Anna Sewell (1820-78) was read to me as a small child I have sensed a anthropormorphic dimension to my appreciation of animals, but I never thought, until reading your book that it was possible to communicate animal conciousness as you have done so vividly here. This is a writing format going right back to Aesop but unlike later exponenents of the genre, Beatrix Potter and George Orwell, who overlay human-like personalities on their animals, you have created a singular identity in Goldie that remains animal with all its attendant sensations. This surely comes from your developed gift for understanding every aspect of equine behaviour. Your talent to study and observe the whole gamut of horse characteristics is contained, controlled and translated into this compelling story. You are a genius!

I imagine when your book is published, a whole generation of both adults and children will share enjoyment and fascination in reading and listening to your book. Along with numerous Authonomites, I Back your book with pleasure. I always say that it is a compliment and not a criticism to an author to mention any spotted error/s and also signifies that the text has been read carefully and attentively by the Commentator. So, in Chapter 4 - 4th para up from bottom of final page "..I'll shoot that paint thief if he comes around here to steel (amend to steal) my mares!"

I looking forward to seeing the whole manuscript - better still holding your brand new published book.

Best Regards. Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE Books 1,2 & 3.

Dear Dawn,

What a refreshing POV for your story! The first chapter was full of info that I was unaware of, such as the foal being born with flaps on its hooves to protect its mother as well as itself while in the womb.

I read all that you have up here and have found the leisurely pace just right for children. There is much for them to learn here in ways most other books do not give them.

Then in chapter 3 and 4 the pace picks up and the story is rolling right along.

The picture of the world through the foal's eyes is breathtaking and beautiful. It really feels like a new creature's first glimpses of her world.

While a young girl, I read everything I could about horses, including all the Black Stallion books and I never learned all that I learned in just four chapters of your book. Besides, it's fun and draws the reader right into the action which is already picking up speed.

You are a talented writer who knows her horses and can handle this unusual POV with aplomb.

I'm shelving this and best wishes!

Ancient Reader

GOLDEN MOON:

Dawn,

I love horses. I love horsey books. I love your writing. I love your title. And I think there is no other book I've ever read that gets so close to the mind of a horse. Fantastic.

Your writing flows with such a smooth rhythm, almost as though it really is coming from the "tongue" or the mind of one of our most intelligent four-footed animals. Your understanding of the horse psyche is uncanny, and I found myself thinking back over to the years to the darling horses I have owned, and thinking and wishing I could have heard their voices. Although, come to think of it, I probably did at the time. I have two daughters in law, who also adore horses - one who runs a livery yard, and trains young horses. Both of them are going to receive a copy of this book as soon as it is published.

Backed with love and admiration,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Hi Dawn how can I not love something from an animals point of view! I really enjoyed your description of Goldies birth and first day. I loved his struggle to stand only realising he had back legs a little too late. I also liked the way his mother communicated with him, it seems like telepathy, it's a nice idea. There is nice interaction and dialogue between the kid and his father. his is a really strong beginning and I enjoyed your story so far. O my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Dawn,

Golden Moon is just beautiful! Written with confidence and intelligence, it conveys a very believable account of the first days of a newborn foal. From the description, I didn't think I would like it because it is not my usual genre, but the quality of the writing quickly won me over. I am usually a stickler for typos, but happily I found none - this is a highly polished gem.

However, I did find one small flaw. In chapter 1 you use the phrase, "far corner of the stall" twice in successive sentences. By the overall quality of your writing, I'm sure you know that repeating a phrase can be distracting.

Overall, I like your book very much and it is on my shelf!

Best of luck,

Michael D. Massaro - Tony Towne and the Fearful Summer

Dawn, Anyone who knew me would ask why I was actually reading this type of book. There are two answers to this question. Firstly, I am trying to go and find books that are an opposite side of the genre I would normally read and secondly, its a dam fine and well written book. I applaud you. Your knowledge of horses and the research you have obviously carried out is a credit to you and this book. Well done.
Sean Connolly. B.A.O.R (British Army on the Rampage) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Hi Dawn, I like the POV of the foal - it makes the writing more internal and quite lyrical at times. I've read the 4 chapers you've posted here and feel your prose is quite poetic. "never ending sea of living ground" is just 1 phrase that springs to mind (I might just use that in a poem... hehehe...).

There's not much I have to say - I like the use of italics for internal thoughts and the sharing of thoughts between horses as opposed to the dialogue between people. Your work is easy to read and follow - quite polished. Of course these 4 chapters probably only form the beginning part of the book and are about the foal's exploration and discovery of the world, so if a reader is looking for action and adventure... they'd have to read on to get to the exciting stuff.

Have you thought about posting later chapters? Or perhaps the final chapter?

Usually reading online I want to read faster and get to the action bits quicker, that's why I slowed down and only read and comment on a few online books - ie to force me to slow me down and make me really read what's on the screen.

My only crits (if you can call it that):

1. I'd like the foal to be in some danger from the beginning - perhaps a difficult birth? At the moment I feel it's too happy. It's a likeable character and viewpoint, but perhaps some danger or insecurity would heighten our link to it in the long run?

2. Perhaps the link between the boy and the foal could be clearer from the beginning? Maybe the boy misses his mom (and gets sick) and sleeps near the troubled/sick (whatever danger the foal is in) foal. As the foal gets better so does the boy... Just some character nitpicks to think about.

3. Are you sure the stallion is going to 'steal' the foal? Why not 'rescue her from captivity'? I haven't read anything about the stallion's character yet, but I would think a wild animal wouldn't be trying to 'steal' anything - maybe 'setting free'. I think 'stealing' is a little too negative a word to use here.

PS These are only my honest opinions - and you know your work better than others - so if I mentioned anything you hadn't thought of before or you know the character/plot/etc balance of your book is better served by leaving everything as is, it's no big deal. I just want to let you know I enjoyed reading "Golden Dream" and I can see your work sitting comfortably in the YA market - especially for horse-lovers!

Best of luck with your book here and with agents/publishers!

Quenntis

Golden Moon.
By Dawn DeRemer.


What a lovely title to this amazing book…’Golden Moon’…A gentle name, for a gentle creature.
I have simply learned a great deal from this book. Without it I would still be ignorant of many things concerning – mans closest friend.
This is a very enlightening read and there is a story to it, the POV of a new-born foal as it as it enters an unknown world…the lessons laid down by the mare, very informative to the layman.
The POV changes quite a bit…but it does no harm, it makes the story side to it better.
You give some tantalizing views of the barn at night, the visitors, rats, mice, bats.
The book has some very good description throughout and is a pleasure to read.
I would say that it should be acceptable to a wide audience – young or old…such a good read!
Thank you for sharing the knowledge that you have gained over the years.
I have no hesitation in giving a high star- rating to ‘Golden Moon’. Great book!!

Kind regards,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE.

I love this! The imagery totally immersed me into your MC. This is definitely getting backed when I review my shelf next month. Your style reminds me of Anna Sewell and Black Beauty.

On a negative note, I noticed one typo in chapter 4, "steel our mares". Easy fix. Keep up the good work! Could you let me know when you have more posted? I'm really interested to see how this turns out. I think you have a winner here.

Bek Mars--author of DarkStar

I love this! The imagery totally immersed me into the character of Golden Moon. The style of your writing reminds me of Anna Sewell and Black Beauty. Golden Moon is definitely getting backed by me once I get some room on my shelf.

On a negative note, I noticed one typo in chapter 4, "steel our mares". Easy fix. Keep up the good work! Could you let me know if you post any more? I'm VERY interested to see how it turns out!

Bek Mars--author of DarkStar

Quite, quite beautiful. I have only had time to read your first chapter and I wish I had time to read on right now because I love the way you write. Your description of the birth and gradual accomplishments of Golden Dawn are a triumph and demonstrate an extraordinary knowledge of horses. I do wish I could buy this book for every one of my "horsey" friends becaue I know they would absolutely love it. I note that you have not added further chapters since April 2010. Are you still writing or is the story actually complete?
Well done, magnificent!

GOLDEN MOON backed Feb. 24 at 9:40 PM

Nice story. Brings to mind all those animal stories that I read (and loved) as a kid, White Fang, Irish Red, Old Yeller, The Black Stallion etc.

Here's a nit for you:
"Things that are taught to a new born foal ...

If you halter a newborn."

This is inconsistent.

Try "taught to a newly born ..." instead. That way you avoid the exact repetition without introducing a grammatical irregularity.

I've loved stories involving horses since I was a girl and this is one I can add to my list. My grandson loves "horse" stories, too and I hope someday to see this on a shelf and buy it for him. I take no issue with your horse's memory. Instead, I love the idea of telepathy with the horse. What a great character Goldie is. This is a wonderful book and I wish you great success with it.

Bring readers to a special revelation of reading and perpetuate their mind on characters and atmosphere in which they grown up can be produced only from a distinguished writer like you. You are certainly succeeded in the above mentioned process.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Oh, what a lovely opening chapter. I have backed you and keeping you on my list to read further.
I think the story from the horse's point of view is wonderful. In fact, if you hadn't stated as much before the chapter started, it would have been a nice little surprise to figure out that it was a story told by a horse.
You have a nice sense of description form the protagonist's point of view. I almost think you could deal with Golden Moon's introduction to light and sight a little more and not sure if you should be more consistent by saying 'legs' instead of arms (although, as you say, it is the adult looking back, but just a tiny niggly thing I thought I'd offer in case you wanted to look at it).
I cannot, for the life of me, see what problem anyone has had about this being a recollection of the character's birthing moments. Maybe it might expected that the memories are a little less clear as you've recounted (or rather, cuts in-and-out of murkiness to clarity at the most important points of 'imprint') but it doesn't create any problems for me, whatsoever.
Keep going with it, because I think you've got a good thing going.

Another I remember well. Going through all my comments to see who I backed and doing the star thing. Good luck, again Four Better Four Worse

The author has created a charming and knowledgeable frame of reference for this tale that may prove to be a book that generations to come will enjoy. As others have noted, the author displays a magnificent command of the information, which allows for the depth and understanding of this point of view that not only gives readers an educational perspective, but allows us to enter the world to witness and feel the personality. We all wonder if animals feel, think, respond and this allows us to believe. Backed with pleasure when I can clear my shelf.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

Dawn,

I'm backing you - an excellent book! I hope to read the whole thing when I can either listen to it by audiobook or read it in hand. You are an outstanding writer and storyteller - KUDOS! And good luck.

Allison Crews
Antithesis

Beautiful writing. An oasis in a sea of vampires. Thank you for that. FOUR BETTER FOUR WORSE.

What a lovely concept, I'm not familiar with other books of a similar nature but this was very pleasant indeed. The description is great and really helps the story. I'll be honest, I was sceptical reading the synopsis but I found it incredibly charming. Good luck, Will

Backed Golden Moon. Growing on a farm in the Ozarks, horse have always been a part of my life. Loved the story.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Hello, I'm new to Authonomy! Please check out my book, Not Alone, and let me know what you think. If it's worth publishing please back it. Thanks for your support!

Dawn,

Golden Moon is beautifully written. It is a lovely story and I am fascinated by your knowledge.
I am quite fond of horses and have been away from them in recent years. Your story has awakened
that longing of returning to a situation where I can gain enjoy them.
You shed a wonderful light on horses as often I hear people whom have not been around them act as if they are stupid. I love the way you debunk such thoughts.
Backed!
Good Luck as you climb to the top!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Dawn,
Golden Moon is enchanting. A truly unique account from a horse captivates the reader and reminds them that animals have feelings which humans can only imagine. This book isn't just for the little ones. It's enjoyable reading for anyone who truly loves animals and is concerned about what is best for them. Backed.

Brilliant writing, great pitch, absolutely mesmerizing title, I can see why this one holds its current spot at 25, wishing you the best of luck and much success
Sincerely
Helen
The Last Dream

Very sweet! Hope a nice childrens film director picks it up! Hapless

An interesting premise. Being a horse lover who has a few of her own this holds a special place in my heart. Backed.

Chase

I read the first chapter and I know for a fact that my eleven-year-old daughter would LUV this. She loves animals and she has read several series of books from an animal's point of view and I think this would be right up her literary alley! I could also appreciate you taking me somewhere, and quite vividly, that I had never ever been before. Clean, crisp writing, wonderful descriptions, and an interesting perspective!

Backed for sure.

Melissa
Burns Like the Sun

Beautifully written and enchanting too, perfect material for the younger audience who, having a little one myself, adores talking animals. Backed with pleasure.

Dawn, my novel, Connected Obsessions, was recently reviewed by Tom Wilkinson (Nick of Time), and I wanted to return the favour, only to find his book had already been selected for the Editor's Desk. Tom suggested that I look at Golden Moon instead. I'm delighted that he did so.

With too many promised reads on my w/l I usually read as fast as I can until I get a feel for the writing but, with Golden Moon I was content to let the chapters drift by. I think this is terrific writing; it has to do well.

I do have a few technical comments - none major!

The phrasing selected for the foal trying to stand for the first time reads a little awkwardly, with repetition of a kind (pressed and pushing).

Still, I pressed on, pushing down on them . . .

Perhaps,

Still, I continued to push down on them . . .
or
Still, I persevered, pushing down on them . . .

but I loved the best foot forward that turned out to be the left front foot!!

I noticed a few typos (unless they are horse-related jargon).

In chapter 1, in the boy's first dialogue. Coma missing. "It's a filly, Dad . . . "

In chapter 3,

. . . The kind of mare who would at some time is capable . . .

. . . The kind of mare who would at some time be capable . . . ???

and in chapter 4,

. . . they all got on top of our kindred and several brown at white creatures . . .

. . . they all got on top of our kindred and several brown and white creatures . . . ???

and finally,

. . . looking to steel my mares . . .

. . . looking to steal my mares . . . ???

Backed without any hesitation.

Neil

Hi Dawn, very interesting, very intriguing. I've backed your book, because of it's feel of originality, and your flow of words as you take me along your journey path. I'm not a critic, just new to the novel world, a scriptwriter by trade, but I do know a good visual, and yours is pretty terrific.

Jim

Dear Dawn,

Your title, which is very warm, and then your philosophy about animals, which I share wholeheartedly, persuaded me to read every word you've shown. "Golden Moon" is beautifully written, and the narration from a horse's point of view is superb in drawing character. The reader identifies at once with the filly and soon with the humans as seen though her eyes. Then the rising action draws us on and you're off to a fine start. Confident that you'll finish this promising book, I'll gladly back it and wish you the best of luck.

Bill Carrigan
"The Doctor of Summitville"

It's taken me awhile to return the read. Very imaginative story. It takes a lot of confidence and creativity to do what you've done here, using a horse's POV. Happy to shelf.
Regards, RPK, The Dunkirk Horror

Hi Dawn'
this is a totally new experience in reading for me. reminds me of a song ' the owner told clarence the clocker, the clocker told jockey mcgee the clocker of course told it back to the horse and the horse told me.
lovely stuff and beautifully written . will reach the editors desk and well deserved
Tom Bye ''From Hugs to Kisses'

Dear Dawn,

Your book more than surpasses Black Beauty; you have definitely enabled me to see this story through Goldie's eyes more so than when I was reading the Classic. I would back your book, but it seems that for some reason the website is not letting me... perhaps I have backed it in the past. Either way, I definitely support yours and I hope you have time to take a look at mine.

~Jaz

Dear Dawn De Remer,

Your last comment by Anthony Brady is a hard act to follow, and after almost 700 comments, what can I write? I love horses and stories about horses, from National Velvet to the Misfits. Backed and enjoy your great rank.

Please have a look at CBGB Was My High School. It's about misfits of an urban sort.

GK Stritch

Hi Dawn,

Wow, really great visuals in this one! I don't think I've read anything like this from an animal's POV before, and I think you accomplished everything you set out to. Great work, you're backed!

Kevin
Head Games

Hi Dawn, this is so original. What a great first chapter. Ithink I read you a few weeks ago but I've hit 'backed' in case not! We are swopping reads, I think. Gordon

Hi Dawn, this is so original. What a great first chapter. Ithink I read you a few weeks ago but I've hit 'backed' in case not! We are swopping reads, I think. Gordon

Kids who are crazy about horses will love this. Well done
Rosalind
Good for Him and
Twice Twisted

I was a huge horse fan when I was little, and this story brought me back to those dreams. You have such knowlege of raising and working with horses, that Goldie is completely believable and utterly adorable. Much of the first three chapters was full of information I hadn't known about horses. This is a great, fun book!!

Lovely and backed with pleasure!
Aly Carey (Redeemed)

I wanted to return the favour for taking the time to read mine, but my first thought was eek – I’m not a horse person. However, you have a way of captivating the reader, probably as it’s very clear that you know so much about your chosen topic. It’s simply brilliant and definitely clever.

Sorry, that last comment was from me, Hudson.

Hi Dawn, The minute you started to write, your total love and understanding of horses shone through. Even if your writing were terrible, it would still have the power to carry your reader into knowing what it is like to BE a horse. Fortunately, your writing is excellent to the extent that I kept brushing straw from my pants during the birth scene. I've backed your book and added it to my watch list for further attention!!!

Dawn,
This is a lovely start, I take it you will be uploading more soon.
Your character is sweet and I like the way we follow it out into the world. Better than Black Beauty, a must for any animal lover!
Backed!
Millie x

I read the first chapter and what an endearing story. I don't know what horses can and can't do, so I just go with the flow and enjoy the artistic license that goes with the story. I thought the chapter was somewhat long, but, I'm a slow reader. Others might feel it's fine. Great story and best of luck to you. Backing.

Hey sorry I've taken so long to comment on this, it's been in my WL for months! But I haven't been on here for ages. Anyways. As many people have sensed, it has a reminiscene of Black Beauty, however, we haven't had a story in any way similar for decades, so I think this is a nice refreshing addition to the literary world. You write with enthusiasm, confidence and fluidity. Your narrator is unique, believable (even though it's not human!) and I think you have a firm grasp of what you want to achieve. Keep up the good work.
BACKED

Tifa
[Eliphe Tiny-Wen]

Hey sorry I've taken so long to comment on this, it's been in my WL for months! But I haven't been on here for ages. Anyways. As many people have sensed, it has a reminiscene of Black Beauty, however, we haven't had a story in any way similar for decades, so I think this is a nice refreshing addition to the literary world. You write with enthusiasm, confidence and fluidity. Your narrator is unique, believable (even though it's not human!) and I think you have a firm grasp of what you want to achieve. Keep up the good work.
BACKED

Tifa
[Eliphe Tiny-Wen]

Hi Dawn,

really enjoyed reading Golden Moon. You have an excellent, easy to read style.

I love the premise of the book very much. Coming from a sci fi reading and writing background, it is a fantastic notion that while we search the heavens for intelligent companions, we forget the companions that share this planet with us.

Thanks for the read, I have a new found admiration for the Kindred!

Phil

Dawn

I just read the first chapter and... I love it. I'm not a "horsey person" but I get it without even thinking about it - and that has to be down to the way it's written.

I have this on my shelf to read fully over the weekend, but until then I'm happy to back a wonderful - and very different - book

Surprising POV, v engaging
I suggest you cut the explanation before ch1 - it gets in the way, and its not necessary - we enter the world, that´ss how it is - and you take us straight in.
What about starting with - Í was born´ - ?
I would cut the first sentence of the seconmd para - its cliched and redundant
there´s a few wordy bits like this - eg my nose drooped down towards the ground - where elese, - so my nose droped down, says it all and is much stronger - hope this helped.
please see charlie marconi and let me know
thanks
s

So Dawn I remember being a young girl and Black Beauty was real for me. This is the first book I have read with this content that reads to the same degree. Adult as I may be, I still have that young girl inside me and you have just fed her. Thank you. BACKED for sure and BEST of luck with this book of yours. Well crafted, flow easy characters vivid and just overall wel done. I would really appreciate it if you would read some of my book non-fiction I know but p-lease also comment on it.
Denise
The Letter

I love horses and grew up around them. My Dad was a top jockey and one of my regrets is being too heavy to be apprenticed when I was 13. I love your book from the foal's POV. It is simply delightful--and insightful. I hope this gets published because it is a great story and a great teaching tool for kids. Your writing flows beautifully, it is easy prose to read and that means it is good prose.
You are absolutely right in what you say about horses and communication. I knew a horse whisperer once who taught me some of the rudiments of being able to listen to a horse. I don't have the gift, but went as far along the way as I could. The majority of humans understand little of the communication that goes on between animals,or the way they try to communicate with us. I could go on for pages because your book has fired my imagination and my memories.
Backed with great pleasure.

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld: "People -- they're the worst"

In the words of Jean Paul Sartre: "Hell is other people."

I tend to agree, hence it is very refreshing to read a tale told from the POV of an amimal with such equine grace and charm. Chapter 1 is lovely. Makes me want to be reborn as a foal. Lovely bits of humor, too (your protagonist's impression -- and envy -- of the being with just two legs).

As much as I'm enjoying this, my 9 year-old horse-crazy daughter would ADORE it.

Backed enthusiastically.

Best,

Greg

P.S. I haven't had time to look at your friend's book yet, but will do so soon.

Hi Dawn,
Really well written, of that there is no doubt. I enjoyed learing about the horses first few hours and I imagine that many people, certainly my three girls would love to hear the story.

If I could offer some feedback and I accept your writing is far more accomplished than mine, would be: I'd like to have seen more emotion in what was probably the most emotional experience of his/her life. You touch on the confusion, fear and love for his mother but considering this is about the experience I would have liked to feel more raw emotion.

Also, if I may be so bold, there was a lot of information passed on through dialogue and sometimes seemed a bit forced when the little girl was asking questions.. But it would be hard to get the info out, not sure how to solve that one, or I could be completely wrong, probably. :)

Thanks for an interesting and enjoyable read.