Book Jacket

 

rank 2209
word count 158765
date submitted 04.02.2010
date updated 24.03.2010
genres: Fiction, Historical Fiction, Scienc...
classification: moderate
complete

The Invaders

Anne Gilbert

prehistory meets history in medieval England

 

Neandertals from a planet in a nearby solar system crash-land in medieval England at a time of crisis. One of them is a young girl called Illg, who is fifteen years old(in Earth years) at the start of the book. These Neandertals have some abilities unknown to "modern" humans, and Illg is especially powerful in these abilities. The survivors, Illg and her cousin Ren, immediately get caught up in the events of the time, and meet many people, some historical characters, others fictional, who have varying reactions to them. Illg is drawn to two of the "modern" men, and they are also, to her, as she learns to negotiate her way through dramatic events in a seemingly strange and sometimes hostile environment.

 
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tags

"romantic" science fiction, historical fiction, science fiction

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49 comments

 

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Barry Wenlock wrote 1396 days ago

An original blend of genres. You've so many comments, I'll just say I enjoyed it . You can't really ask for more than that.
Best wishes,

Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Burgio wrote 1465 days ago

This is an imaginative story. You've obviously done a lot of research before you wrote this because you're able to make medieval England come alive. You have good characters in Illg and Ren. The magic powers add a final good touch. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Wulfhild wrote 1495 days ago

Mike:

This is extremely weird. I don't quite understand any "error" messages; I *did* have a lot of trouble uploading it, due to the fact that Authonomy has a rather peculiar system for uploading things. On my end, I didn't see any error messages on the last space. You mentioned Space 58 in Chapter 12, but I'm not even sure what that refers to. Yesterday, Authonomy couldn't be accessed at all, at least not from my computer(something about the server). Maybe that had something to do with it? You might want to check again and be more specific about the error messages r the "space" stuff. Then I can maybe figure out whether to reload it or not.
Anne G





Hi there Anne. great book and shelved.
But you have a problem eg space 58 = ch 12,
All the last spaces give error messages, etc.
Unless this a temporary glitch you may have to re upload,
(if so don´t let it fall below 10,000 words or you start again, they say)
best luck mikegilli The Free [ENDQUOT

mikegilli wrote 1495 days ago

Hi there Anne. great book and shelved.
But you have a problem eg space 58 = ch 12,
All the last spaces give error messages, etc.
Unless this a temporary glitch you may have to re upload,
(if so don´t let it fall below 10,000 words or you start again, they say)
best luck mikegilli The Free

Wulfhild wrote 1500 days ago

Dave:

Thank you very much! Please back it if you feel it's worthy!
Anne G

DP Walker wrote 1500 days ago

Hi Anne
A great pitch and an original idea. I liked the first chapter. Am going to WL this and read some more tomorrow.
All the best
DP Walker
Five Dares

Bob Garrod wrote 1505 days ago

Hi Anne

What a fascinating and original idea. It was really enjoyable to read about a period I'd written about but from from as different an angle as it's possible to find!

I loved the idea of Illg expecting to arrive in some kind of exciting metropolis, but ending up in a village in mediaeval Kent. There was some nice imagery too - 'as she straightened, she was caught in a shaft of sunlight coming through the smokehole.' And I liked the little historical details - the 'wander star' and I noticed a scene in the first chapter that was straight from the Bayeaux Tapestry.

The narrative has a proffessionally smooth and even tone which seems to somehow work for both space travelling Neanderthals and eleventh century Normans - uniting the alien and the ancient, so to speak. I read up to the end of Chapter 5, and I hope to read some more when time allows.

Well- crafted and extremely original. Good luck with this.

Bob.

Helena wrote 1507 days ago

Hi Anne, I enjoyed this so far. I have to say though I didn't understand the @ and = signs being used, is this their form of speech. IIIg and Ren character work well together and I like his protective nature towards here. I like the idea of shielding and meditation restoring their energies. Ren is holding something back about Matt which is a good hook and the three armed men at the end is another. This is building nicely and it's on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Wulfhild wrote 1517 days ago

Lynn:

I'm sure Kent is not a dreary place. I've never been there, though, so what do I know? But it seems to me that *all* places can be uh, "dreary" in late fall, and that was kind of what I was basing my descriptions on(hint: where I live, November can be pretty gray and sometimes foggy). In any case, I appreciate your backing the book. . . .

lynn clayton wrote 1518 days ago

What an ingenious proposition and how convincing the historical references. Enjoyed it despite the formatting in ch 1. (Though cannot agree that Kent is dreary, no matter where Illg comes from.) The cover is perfect. backed. lynn

AlanMarling wrote 1519 days ago

Dear Anne Gilbert,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Uh oh, your word processor has played havoc on your story’s punctuation, particularly the quotation marks and hyphens. Please do try to attend to that, perhaps by putting your story into Notepad before uploading. Overcoming the distraction, I enjoyed how Illg was disappointed with earth. I like her observation over their paranoia about “wander stars”. I see she has some sort of magic to protect her from sight. As I’m reading this, I’m remembering there’s some question of why the Neanderthals died out, and I think it’s an interesting twist if instead you posit they were transported to the stars and evolved technology on separate worlds. Throwing “cave-men” from space into medieval England is a wild idea.

Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Wulfhild wrote 1520 days ago

Jesse:

I've been going through those first chapters and correcting all the "junk". By "junk" I mean the weird symbols I found in the early chapters, at least, as a result of saving them to .doc formats (Word 2007). For some reason, in the original version(on a different word processing program), Chapters 4 and 5 got combined, and I couldn't break them up again. So Chapter 4 and 5 remain together. I don't know where you're from, but in American English, "prehistory" isn't capitalized unless it's the first word in a sentence. Other than that, I really like what you're saying. I've worked long and hard on this particular book -- the first in a trilogy -- and I'm still growing and changing, and if you want to read the rest and comment on it, please feel free. I'm always happy to see things that might be correctable.

Thank you for backing the book. If you'd like, I'll be glad to read yours, once I get my computer back and repaired, which should be tomorrow(I'm keeping my fingers crossed, though).
Anne G

Jared wrote 1521 days ago

Anne, I love the premise, 'advanced' Neanderthals arriving in England in 1066, what a great idea. Your short pitch, 'prehistory meets history in medieval England' is perfect - apart from the missing capital on 'Prehistory.' The long pitch is very effective - I really want to read this.
You write well with an excellent flow to the story, despite the formatting problems. I'd suggest saving your original off-site copy, which I assume is punctuated normally, in a different format, an earlier version of Word, perhaps 2003 -07 which worked for me as the effects are distinctly off-putting. I've read the opening six chapters and the story is progressing well after a rather gentle start. Note that the notional chapter five is missing - chapter two is repeated her - but chapter 6 is correct. When you re-load, better check that out.
Despite all the problems there's the basis of a wonderful story here. I have a background as a historian, albeit not eleventh century, and I'm impressed with your research and your ability to take an idea and weave such a compelling story around it. Backed on that basis. Now go back and reload it. Best wishes.
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

Jesse Hargreave wrote 1521 days ago

Backed February 11.

Jesse - Savant

Brian Bandell wrote 1523 days ago

The concept of the novel is good. I feel that something is missing here. Through the first two chapters, I don't feel like I know the major obstacles for the Neandertals. They are in a strange land, but what are they trying to overcome? They seem superior to those around them and not in much danger. Shouldn't they be more worried about humans ganging up and killing them? I'd like to see a little more drama up front.

I will back this because you're headed in the right direction and you write well.

Brian

Wulfhild wrote 1526 days ago

Ellen:

My novel isn't time travel, but it does involve(a little) space travel. What's the name of your book. I will have to put it on my watchlist for now, but if you give me the name of it, that's what I'll do.

Anne G

elightstorm wrote 1526 days ago

Hello! I was definitely intrigued since your story summary sounds similar...yet totally unique...to my own. My story takes place in Scotland 1000 years earlier, but has time travel elements and fantasy. Please check out my story. It's nice to see new ideas in story writing. I've put you on my watchlist!

Ellen

Wulfhild wrote 1526 days ago

Medoart:

Thanks for the vote of confidence! I hope you keep reading. There are lots of twists and turns, and it gets more exciting and complicated as you go on.
Anne G




I'm only a little ways into your story, but I like what I've read so far. Very original concept and well crafted.

Wulfhild wrote 1526 days ago

Hmmmm. . . .I've tried real hard to get rid of the glitches, but I did find a few spelling mistakes and ood spacing, which I've fixed. This was in the very first chapter. You should understand that I had a rather hard time uploading it in the first place, so you might want to take another look.



Nicely written, you may want to reload it to try and get rid of the glitches.

Let me know when you've ironed out the probelms and I'll go by and take another look.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Wulfhild wrote 1526 days ago

Michael:

I've been working on the formatting for the first chapter. Sorry it's still nutty. Maybe it's an Authonomy problem. I had a lot of problems just getting the story up in the first place. But I'm thanking you anyway, because this is one of the best reviews I've gotten for it and I really appreciate this. As for the idea -- well, it started out as something else entirely, which didn't work(though it had Neandertals as major characters). It started out as a kind of "after the big disaster" quasi-medieval story, and something about it kept nagging at me till I realized I should set it in the real Middle Ages(I'd always wanted to write something set in medieval England; there's a long story behind that, too). So that was what I did. And I'm glad it seems to be working for everyone.

Again, thanks very much,
Anne G

P.S. spread the word so I can get more backing. . . (lol)





Hi Anne. Mixing science fiction and history is all the rage at the moment (I’ve recently been reading books by Kim Stanley Robinson and Stephen Baxter that blend the two very well) but the specific premise here is not one I have come across before. Neanderthals in the modern day or modern day people in Neanderthal times, but never Neanderthals in the middle ages; and technologically advanced Neanderthals at that. For originality alone, therefore, this would be worth a look. Luckily, the writing delivers on the promise. It flows well and the story rattles along nicely. The opening chapter does have some fairly major formatting problems, however, which can be quite distracting (apostrophes are showing up as equals signs and speech marks as @ symbols) but a bit of jigging around should soon sort that out. Overall, this is an entertaining and very readable piece. Good luck with it. Shelved. All the best, Michael

JupiterGirl wrote 1527 days ago

Hi Anne, I'm a huge Star Trek fan and so I easily was swept up into our story. Illg is a great neandertal name for our heroine and that the two young strandee's are cousins is a fun familial twist. The errant symbols have already been addressed but I was able to read through fine. Shelved and I look forward to reading more. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Melcom wrote 1527 days ago

Nicely written, you may want to reload it to try and get rid of the glitches.

Let me know when you've ironed out the probelms and I'll go by and take another look.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Wulfhild wrote 1527 days ago

Mikell:

Glad you liked it. I'm not sure what the A's and B's were, but it may be an Authonomy issue. I've got everything saved in doc or docx format, so that isn't a problem, but it was originally from another word processing program which I actually like better. So I've been going through each chapter nad correcting a bunch of stuff, but I'm still not sure the Authonomy program "gets it". So I'm sorry about that. But I really appreciate your comment. If you like it, please back the book if you haven't already. Or put it on your watchlist. . . .
Anne G

mikegilli wrote 1528 days ago

Hi there Anne.. Finally I found a book longer than my own!...Congrats and shelved.
BTW a whole load of A's and B's seem to have infiltrated your first chapter!?!?
After that it seems like a fun adventure,,, fun for the reader that is..
Piles of luck with it.........Mikell The Free

kevinwong_HoD wrote 1529 days ago

Hi Anne! This is a funny, unique, and well-written tale. I think this would make a great movie! :-)

Yours Truly,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

Wulfhild wrote 1531 days ago

I'm glad you have your normal weather back. And I'm glad for your comments. I'll keep this stuff and make notes for the next draft. I really want to polish this(although it's in a lot better shape than the first draft was, believe me) What is the name of your book so I can go through yours the same way? At the moment my brain needs refreshing!

P.S. glad your weather is back to normal. It sounds like you went through an awful 2 weeks or so with all that snow!
Anne G

hkraak wrote 1531 days ago

Anne, your writing drew me in (even with the technology issues in chpt. 1). I've read through the first few chapters and like where the story is going. Editing will be key for you, especially since you have great story elements and an intriguing premise.

HJ
The Pearl Edda

cbearly wrote 1531 days ago

Anne:

I can see the upload issues you have been having, but that didn't stop me from reading some of The Invaders . You have taken my absolute favorite era and put a wonderful twist on it.

I would buy this.

Backed with the best of luck,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Wulfhild wrote 1531 days ago

Jason:

Thank you for the kind words. If you'd be willing to back the book, I'd also be grateful.
anne G

Wulfhild wrote 1531 days ago

Alison:

Unless there is something seriously wrong here, Chapter 1 is visible as Chapter 1. I've been going through and making sure that everything is there. I've also been going through and cleaning up things like font issues and the like. You might want to look for Chapter 1 again. But thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'd be glad to take a look at yours, if you like.


had to skip ch1 as i think there is a problem with the upload, but carried on and was glad i did, backed

alison

Jesse Hargreave wrote 1532 days ago

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

alison woodward wrote 1532 days ago

had to skip ch1 as i think there is a problem with the upload, but carried on and was glad i did, backed

alison

Wulfhild wrote 1532 days ago


Gene:

thanks for the comment here. Again, this is exactly the sort of information I need to improve my writing. When I wrote that line in Chapter 2, I considered using the word "silhouette", but I avoided doing that because I wasn't sure if I would be using an anachronism there, and so came up with "shapes" Maybe I should have been more specific and said something like "outlines of bodies". As for the "skin color" issue,, well, I didn't want to dump a lot of information on the reader all at once, but again, maybe I could just say "there was a dark man" or something like that. Again, thanks for the "eyeballing" here. I know it needs polishing. this is only the second draft, and there's still a lot of stuff that needs smoothing out.


Hi
Ch2: start - "The sun had broken through the clouds, turning them into shapes." I think you mean something about the brightness making it hard to see the men, but the sentences says the clouds have been turned into shapes.
Power of their minds is interesting trait.

There was a line about some man being from origin place of humans. How did she see this? Skin color?

Rosali Webb wrote 1532 days ago

Anne
Went completely past the early chapters and headed to chapter 30. Found it to be well written with great imagery. Enjoyed fantasy element and wish you well. Sorry for brief comment. Things going on. Backed. Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

Bill James wrote 1533 days ago

Backed
Good Luck
Bill

Thetinman wrote 1533 days ago

Anne, you've put a lot of effort into this and I really enjoyed it. There are obvious upload issues here, no surprise as the authonomy servers suck. Try uploading in RTF or DOC. It should be ok.
As to your writing. I am a new writer too. There have been some incredibly obvious mistakes which took me an immense amount of editing to clear up. AND I'm still working on it. I could list it for you, but I won't because I have something better that you are going to love. A friend sent it to me,
Hit the site below, print it out in big letters and tape it to the wall. It's good writing in a nutshell.

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=102594

This is as a must read for any writer, both professional and amateur.

ALSO, as a favor to all new people on this site that may go on to sacrifice their marriages to the authonomy god, see the thread Open letter to Authonomy. Read it through to pick up startleing facts, and to understand WHY we are here.
Paul
We've Seen the Enemy

Wulfhild wrote 1533 days ago


Gene:

Thanks for the comments. I appreciate this, because it helps me eliminate "flabby" prose and other mistakes like this. This book(the first of a projected tirlogy) has undergone extensive revision, and I've eliminated a lot of this stuff from the previous draft, but you can't get everything. This is one of the reasons why I've uploaded it here. Most people who looked at it, liked what they saw, but missed this kind of thing, or it doesn't bother them, so your comments are doubly appreciated. Just keep letting me know about these things, and whether or not you like the premise or the way the story goes, as well.
Anne G





Hi
I am going to be very specific on some things. There are some items that are probably translation errors between your computer and authonomy (at least on ch1- I don't recall seeing them when I looked at ch2 earlier)

line 1 - perhaps the most important line of all - "thudded" doesn't do it for me as I don't see it as even being a verb. Is there a better verb to describe the hard landing? I think there is an "it" missing in 2nd line.
The rest of para 1 - perhaps the most important paragraph - "was/were/had" lead to passive sentences and you want this paragraph to be as active as possible.
You have a scene in your mind and you want me to see it, so you have to show it to me. For instance, "being pulled apart" by battering of crash landing? "flattened" by inertia as pod stopped, but her body wanted to keep going?
"other members" are they in different pods? Sentence 4 is redundant - says what is in 3 again.
"landed somewhere" too indefinite.

quote marks don't show up in dialogue, so it is difficult to judge. This is what I see for 2nd para: AHurry, Ren directed, unbuckling his strap and jumping toward the pod=s door. AGet your gear-pouch. Now.@

3rd para: I would have her grab "bag" or something rather than repeat "gear-pouch" so soon. Why did pod vaporize? fuel explosion? blasted by enemy antimatter rays? unstable in this alternate universe? Did it just sizzle away or was there a blast?

She'd seen pics - did they not have trees wherever she is from? or maybe no seasons? how was it different?

"This is Earth?" This is a funny line - after all that, this is Earth? Is that all there is? Can we go home now, Dad?

"coppery skills and hands skilled..." I assume this has to do with working with metal, but I shouldn't have to guess. Repetition of "skill" - suggest different word.

"Shielding gesture" maybe a brief explanation - does this prevent humans from seeing them?

I guess I would say to make sure you have enough detail that your reader can see what you are seeing in your mind. The detail may be visual, sounds, texture, smell, taste, or emotional sense - curiosity, fear, etc.

I will look at more later.
g.

Wulfhild wrote 1534 days ago

Tom B:

I *think* I have Chapter 2 back, and I've been cleaning up the other chapters. I had one chapter that wouldn't load at all because it was in some weird font(don't ask how it got that way). I was finally able to change it. If worst comes to worst, I'll just delete the book and start from scratch(on Authonomy), while cleaning it up at my end.

Tom B wrote 1535 days ago

Hello,

As other people have mentioned this needs a bit of a tidy up as you're missing Chapter 1. Plus there's something gone wrong with later titles. I tried to click on some and I got an error.

Anyway you've got some good ideas here, but because I'm not reading from the begining I'm not sure what's going on.

My advice is keep on re reading and re-editing your book. I don't know how many times I've gone through my nonesense.

Nick Poole2 wrote 1535 days ago

As I scour the site looking for people to read my book I am coming across some cracking concepts. This is one.

Let me see how you've done it.

It seems to start at Chapter 2?

It starts well. Mysterious "Mindprobe" powers. A compelling man with lizard eyes. Then another geezer unconscious...and she falls for him too. Bit fickle.

Steri-beams. Mages. This is a rich world we've fallen into. Or rather universe.

All in all, a fantasy to savour. I think this will do well.

soutexmex wrote 1535 days ago

saw your thread in the forum - SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

RobinP wrote 1536 days ago

Anne Gilbert - The Invaders

Like the idea and feel it has lots of promise - but let's sort out the formatting probs. BTW what happened to Chapter 1? Usually sets the scene. But enough for me to shelve your book.

Robin Piper
Phuzamanzi

hkraak wrote 1536 days ago

Great premise. Great characters. Sorry that the formatting is funky -- that has to be frustrating for you. (BTW, I read the first chapter, but it is listed as chapter 2.) Shelved.

HJ
The Pearl Edda

Wulfhild wrote 1536 days ago

kizgikate:

I'm sorry about the font/punctuation issue(I'm not sure what the "punctuation" issue is about, but if you'll tell me, I'll try to correct it). The fonts are kind of "funny" but I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm in the process of adding chapters till it's complete, so keep reading, and let me know what you think.
Anne G

kizgikate wrote 1537 days ago

I bet it's fun when people ask what you are writing about. :) Love the premise. You have presented good, well-rounded characters that I liked very much. A very big drawback was the font/punctuation issue. But I still backed it because the story like is very creative- and I am a medievalist at heart.

Ben Zaaiman wrote 1537 days ago

Hi, liked the premise. Pity about the format of the book being kind of screwed up. I'm expecting an easy fix with a different font, I suppose. In the meantime, backed. BTW, I remember a poignant moment in a recent documentary on Neanderthals where the narrator sat on an island off Gibraltar and imagined the thoughts of the very last Neanderthal looking out over the sea, hoping that somebody of his kind would eventually arrive.

Wulfhild wrote 1537 days ago

Katherine:

I'm glad you liked it. I worked very hard on it, because I have no background whatever in medieval history, but I do have a background in anthropology, which made the Neandertal part a lot easier(in some ways). Anyway, I've done my best within the science fiction premise, to be as accurate as possible. As for the Neandertals, "modern" humans don't really "notice" much about them except their noses, which stick out, but they sort of "recognize" that there's "something" about them, which I've kind of fitted into certain medieval legends that I came about. Hardwin is Mr. Nice Guy, BTW, but Illg doesn't quite recognize this at first, because she's only 15 years old at the time the book starts.

klouholmes wrote 1537 days ago

Hi Anne, I liked what you did with the premise right away – the idea that the Neanderthals had advanced technologically. Later I became absorbed by the ideas about meditation and personal energy and also Illg’s attitude towards the humans, how they made things difficult. I wondered how she and Ren appeared physically to the humans? The medieval part about Hardwin and the origins of the other people in that confused time were well-depicted. This has very interesting possibilities and you capture the personalities, making the reading involving. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Freeman wrote 1539 days ago

Hi

The uploading seems to have mucked up your book, maybe the font is not recognosed. You have strange characters for speech and other punctuation, maybe your keyboard is set up wrong. I liked reading your book but it was distracting. I will back it since it I enjoyed reading it and i hope you can fix the problems.

Tony
Life Bringer

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