Bite Mark

Excellent shape-shifter yarn. This reads very well and I was five chapters into it before I knew it (almost late to work). As a fellow horror writer, I am hardest on my own genre. The fact that I rated this highly and made room on my bookshelf for it should vouch for the fact these are not mere platitudes. Good work, James, definitely marketable material here.

Mac McKelvy
(The Inheritance)

Bite Mark by James E. Coplin

What a great idea, James! It's fresh, original and very filmic. I really like your poetic writing style. Six-starred and backed!

more stars for Bite Mark

HCG
Sorry for the late response but I’m here to review “Bite Mark”
What I have read so far is almost like poetry through the mind of the beast. Having written a werewolf novel myself I’m enjoying the differences. It moves at a great pace and has all the elements of a great wolf story.

Laura

HCG
I Love a good wolf story and this one didn't let me down. It's perfectly written and flows well. The good use of language helps the story flow well. the only part that stooped me reading for a second was the spelling of colour. But that is because I'm english and i take it your not. The way you detail things is brill. It is something i find most stories lack, but you give the reader plenty to go on.
Over all a really good read which i will leave on my wl to read more, when i have time
Highly rated.

HCG

I like your writing style and the pace of your story, the animal nature you portray seems very real as if i was really listening into the thoughts of a wolf and your discribtions are very vivid and well written, but you should keep an eye on your POV and also maybe switch to a different word font as i found the one you used a little odd to look at when reading your story. But apart from this over all, an interesting twist on the werewolf tale :-)

HCG Review - "Bite Mark"

This is a very refreshing take on a werewolf story that begins with the wolf's point of view as he turns back into a human after 115 years have passed.

The author does an excellent job delving into the psyche of werewolf Jack when he comes out of his curse like coming out of a deep sleep, and reacting the way somebody would to the new smells of exhaust fumes and traveling at the dizzying speed of a moving truck; much like a time traveler. However, this reader did have a small problem with Jack's initial interaction with Kevin Fleming. The reason being, Jack is sort of described as being boggled and distant in the mind, yet he comes up with an extremely complex reason as to why he's covered in blood and walking on the side of the road, covered in blood and torn clothes. I would think his mind would not be working clearly enough for that amount of detail.

At times, the author uses some amazing imagery in his prose. One of this reader's favorites is how he describes the pitch in Kevin's scream as a tea kettle. This is clever and perfectly describes the noise to a tee (no pun intended); however, there are also times that the sentences become over simplified or a better word could be chosen to let the prose be read at a steady flow and not have the reader stumble, only to go back to re-read the sentence for clearer understanding. This disrupts what could be a steadier pacing.

Aside from those few criticisms, there is an enthralling and unique story here that keeps this franchise favorite fresh. Well done.

Michael Hebler - "Night of the Chupacabra"

HCGR
Very good, the scenario of this being in the throws of a wolfs body
Is well and feasibly expressed and described. The nature of the beast
And his turmoil to come to terms with this dilemma. Very interesting
well written and presented piece.
Christian

HCG Review
I found this an interesting read (as in a new twist on an old tale), I have always been drawn to the unconventional in writing. I would say that you do need to keep an eye on POV and it might help to monitor your characters' knowledge perhaps a little more fear and panic when he collides with modernism could even this out. I find sometimes as a story teller we already know what is ahead, but conveying it to the audience ultimately is where the focus is. I think once you have those elements in place this will be an excellent story and I should love to buy it.

Colleen

HCG Review - Bite mark
First I would like to say how well written this is and very enjoyable, but I have a few pointers for you to consider if you don't mind and this is purely my opinion.
I felt that Chapters 2 and 3 should be one chapter as they are both from the wolf's point of view. I know there is a time difference between the 2, but they flow together. Also You might want to consider dropping the title prologue and just starting with chapter one. Just a thought. On a whole I liked the way you got into the animals mind with the conflicting personalities.

Chapter 4 had me slightly confused regarding jack's almost laid back attitude to awakening in the 21st century and that he was not more suspicious when Kevin stopped to offer him a lift. The vehicles of today couldn't even been imagined in the 1800's. It would be alien and frightening and he certainly wouldn't have a clue where to begin in driving it.
Another point was that he drove up to McDonalds. I would have imagined that he would want to be as inconspicuous as possible after murdering Kevin.

You do have an easy flow to your story and it is engaging. With a bit of work I think you will iron out the inconsistencies and have a well rounded novel.

Aidan

“Horror Critique Group Review”

BITE MARK

Hi, James, here are my thoughts on your story. I hope you find them as helpful and constructive as I mean them to be.
I found it strange that, as a wolf, he recognised the smell of petroleum, but called cars ”wheeled things”.
Be careful with your continuity, because early on you say the wolf saw orange vests, yet later, as Jack, his vision was now in colour.
It may be me, but I didn’t understand this sentence. “He had seen the magic of the Totem and the Shaman had danced there, blood on his hands.”
In the first sentence of chapter 4, leave out “Kevin inside” it ruins the sentence and it’s telling us what we have already worked out.
You did a lot of head-hopping in chapter four when you went from Kevin’s to Jack’s POV, and then back and forth quite a number of times. I believe, if you change to Jack’s POV the second he climbs into the cab, and give us his inner reactions to his surroundings, sights, sounds, and smells, that this chapter would benefit immensely.
I have noticed on a number of occasions, when you need to use the word “than” you actually use “then”. Example: “It took a moment to figure out how to unscrew the cap but more THEN worth it.”
And I don’t understand how he could be that new to things, like struggling with the cap, yet he thought the bottle’s contents were “...as smooth as butter”. Plus, he also knew it was whiskey because he read the label. Again, this interrupts the continuity of your story. He can’t know some things and not know others that are as equally recognisable, like not knowing what a radio is but having him acknowledge that the cab smells of “French fries”. Would he know the scent of French fries if he didn’t know what a radio was?
Also, the three times you use the word “later” in this chapter, you actually spell it “latter”.
On the whole, your story is a good story, and by that I mean interesting. It may be slow in parts but we can’t all run constantly on full power. The fact that a wolf turns into a man, and not the other way around, adds a clever twist to an old and, sometimes overdone, story.
I believe, if you work hard at sorting out some of the things I’ve pointed out to you, that your story will become a much stronger read, and therefore, much more enjoyable than it already is.
Best of luck with this, James,

Mark.

HCG Review

This is a fantastic work. Your writing is outstanding and your concept is startling in its freshness. I absolutely loved the internal struggle the creature faces in both wolf and human form. The short sentences work very well. A masterful job - publishable in my opinion!

One typo in chapter one - but you have reworked this and it is MUCH better!!! Really cool opening.

HCG Review

This is astonishing stuff. It’s like Jack London with a 21st century bent. There are moments when your prose surges into this vigorous, frenetic poetry that makes for an absolutely intoxicating read and simply bears the reader along through captivating landscapes of sight, sense, and soul. I’m sorry to be gushing about it, but this is amazing stuff. Sure, there are some things that you or an editor would refine away, but the overall impact is of a rollicking good read. I haven’t finished it. I’m so insanely busy with all kinds of reading and writing, it’s all I can do to keep my agreement with the group from sliding, drunk, off a park bench. But it’s the kind of book that, in its polished form, I would buy and recommend to friends.

HCG Review - Bite Mark

I once caught a man howling at the moon on my way home from work. That was many years ago.
After reading the start of this tale I finally know how he felt!
Getting inside the head of a werewolf and experiencing the transformation is something I've never seen or read before and I found it described very well. I think little bits could do with tidying up like some past/present tense issues. But to me things like this are trivial and can easily be sorted - it's the actual voice of the novel that matters and so far I feel this is gearing up to be a great story.
I will read more and see how it goes. :D

Hi James, this is an HCG review of your book Bite Mark. I'm not an expert at these things so accept the fact that I'm giving you a readers' opinion rather than those of an English Professor. That said, I was expecting something a little less formal for a reading style from a book written for Young Adult readers. Maybe it's just me! I don't look for spelling and punctuation issues so if there is any, I didn't notice.

I enjoyed the first three chapters, sorry, I have to go cut the lawn after I finish writing this and other yard work. The overall impression is good, a story which tugs the reader along. I thought there were areas when a bit more description would have been good - such as when the other wolves were afraid of Jack as the wolf. Why are they afraid? Other times, when he's stalking the hunters - more sights and sounds from his perspective of what he's seeing and sensing would be good.

The pitches are good, if I saw this book on a store shelf, I'd give it more than passing interest. It would get serious consideration.

Prologue - there are many tense errors. The sentence beginning - This far north, the air was - should be 'is' to remain same tense as 'This'. There are other places in the three chapters I read where this happens.
- the paragraph beginning with 'He killed' has a sentence which starts 'Another frightening one pawed' - my question was Another frightening one what? It stopped me and forced me to re-read the paragraph. Just needs a connection to the previous sentence, I think.

Ch 1 - the first paragraph - Formerly he had thought - might be better as - Formerly, ruled by his senses. This will also remove the double use of 'thought' in the sentence. It also makes it easier to understand.
- the tense changes can easily be found by reading through with fresh eyes. Have someone read it and look specifically for these problems.
- watch the use of the word 'had' as in the sentence above. Many times (I do it myself so I'm aware of it when I'm reading) it isn't needed. I started using it when I wanted to sound more uppercrust or Conan Doyle. Now it just appears.

Ch 2 - the paragraph with the sentence 'Maybe he was some....more work than appealed.' This sentence sounds more like it's written for adults who read a lot of Victorian fiction. It's confusing. The sentence structure needs to be rearranged to make the idea flow better. If the words were coming from Jack it might be more believable, but even then the reader wouldn't expect to hear this from a nineteenth century gold miner in the Yukon.

I really think this is a good story, but it needs some work to make it flow better and flesh out the scenes a little. The idea seems original (for a werewolf story) which I truly enjoyed. I wish you luck with this book and hopefully I can read some more soon.
Rick - They.

well, very different i can tell, full of information, of all sorts, very detailed. Describing the woman's dressing, she appears a lot.
The actual incident and police,bite mark.... wow. highly rated.
Please read ache in my heart and commment, 4 chapters different topics. please back it, thanks

Wow, "Bite Mark"........fabulous

Jim,

I’ve read 5 chapters now, this is a classic example of a werewolf story.

I thought the prologue and chapter one were a bit slow, but it certainly picked up, and by chapter 5 I was completely hooked.

I’d like to know more about how Jack became a werewolf, but am willing to concede that you will reveal that later on. I did think it odd that he accepted so easily how much time had passed by. He didn’t even act shocked. I’d also like to know what triggered the change from beast to man? What brought him back? I didn’t see a clear reason for this.

I don’t tend to read for punctuation or grammar, even still I didn’t really notice anything in your writing that threw me out of the story.

It is griping and gritty, good job.

Sharon


Prologue:
Not sure how I feel about the prologue….I think I’d like the pace to be a bit faster.

Chapter 1: I think is this interesting, and well written, but I think I’d like to see the pace a bit faster. This first chapter will be what hooks the reader and while I think it is good, I do think it could be stronger.

Chapter 2:
This is very interesting. The transformation from beast to man is fascinating. What confused me was the 114 year reference. Was he a wolf for that long? I presume the date is somewhere around the gold rush, mid 1800’s. If so you are using modern words like ‘power plan’ and ‘synapses’ that outdate your setting.

Chapter 3
Yeah, I knew Kevin wasn’t going to walk away from that….very good chapter though.
It answered the 115 yr questions. The only thing I’d point out is how easily Jack accepted the passage of time. He acclimated quickly. Has he lost time before? And then he figures out how to drive by reading the owner’s manual? Figures out a drive-through….seems a bit odd.

Chapter 4

Ominous. The tension is certainly rising.

Chapter 5
Jack is a bad guy.

Bite Mark.
By James E. Coplin.


This is an outstanding book in my opinion.
I’ve read many werewolf books, but none like this…wolf to man…captivating to the reader.
The description is brilliant and lacks for nothing. It really draws the reader into the story…no doubt about it.
The concept of the wolf to man theme is new to me…I like it; it is also a big change from the norm.
I felt I was there with the pack at the beginning as they sensed something different about their leader.
They were right, the change had started.
Such good description of the bodily changes and mental torment of Jack Grady as his trek takes him south.
A fantastic book, which is hard to put down.
This is a second read and I still need to return to it ...I need to know more but will not take a look at the ending yet…it would only spoil a brilliant read.
Well done, James!
Showered with stars and on my shelf.

Kind regards,

Neville.The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone.

Hey James,in the past, Iv'e always stayed away from book dealing with witches, vampires and werewolfs. But I decided to give your book a chance and I am glad that I did. This is an remarkable piece of work. Suspenseful,smooth flowing and well writing. Highly starred. I am throughally impressed.

Love this stuff! Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
61BBboy

I'm usually not much for werewolf stories, but I like your twist on this one! Great descriptions, great narration.

Good luck!

/Hege

I liked the image of the body like a lair...

I also really like that you begin with such a twist - with the wolf rather than the man. With a wolf personified and eloquesnt - a self-aware wolf. This already is a nice take/twist on the more traditional werewolf tales I've read.

Chapter three moves along at a very compelling pace. I must read on.

All I can saw about chapter 4 is wow! You've really told an interesting tale here. There is some strong characterization here and some very good scenes.

I'm hooked. Good stuff.

All the best,

Rena

Swap read from Orma
This has got to be an origional take on the warewolf legend, only vice versa.
I read to chapter four. Chapter one held me enthralled at the scenario seen from the wolf's perspective.
Then the change into man was terrific.
I could imagine it all in my head, which is what I want from a story.
I have no idea where you are going with this, but I'd be content too just ride along on the journey.
Very unique and very well done. I would give this six stars, as it's an excellent work.
All the best and good luck.

I've read the first two chapters and I'm going to read more when I get a chance. I'm keeping you on my shelf and look forward to more of the same.

Cool concept - a few homonym errors and punctuation slips that could be fixed in chapter 2.

I love the cover. Lucifer's Crossing is a quasi werewolf story, so this drew me in. More comment to follow...

This looks well-done.

The opening wolf narration is a little more gripping and original than the more normal stuff that ensues over the next few chapters, I'd say--I'm not sure what to compare it to but the sort of really dexterous psychological realities somebody like Stephen King can present in a context like this (almost to a fault, all of his side-characters are bloated with interior monologues and characterization that nonetheless lends authenticity to the presentation of say, "small town cop.")

When you get back to our hero the wolf, in chapter 7, it's more gripping--maybe because of the psychological stuff? Not sure.

The heavy-hitters of genre horror writing are tough craftsmen to follow, though--even Anne Rice is tough to follow ("Interview with a Vampire" is pretty masterfully written--I was somewhat shocked to re-read it last year--it's dripping with palpable despair from her daughter dying, I guess.)

This book is not my usual fare, but, as of Chapter 7, Bite Mark promises to deliver levels of complexity that will have me hooked . It's fun to read (and, in parts, quite funny), and it flows well. I like the pacing and am looking forward to reading more. Other Coplin fans have undoubtedly offered to copy edit, but I'll add myself to the list.

Also, that title...LOVE it! One of the best ones I've seen on here. I think mine is a little wordy, but yours is quick and too the point. I envy people who can do that with their titles. Every once in awhile I will read a story where the plot just makes me want to scream that this book needs to be published! You have a winning idea here and while there are spots taht could be tightened up, I think that you will get to these when you go through for a good solid edit. Good luck with this book! 5 stars from me!

I'm a sucker for anyhting dealing with wolves or werewolves for that matter, and I have to say your attention to detail and the way you set up the scene is really great.

I like this Prologue, it captures the attention and it is fairly interesting.

Bite Mark
“He retained learned experience but was un-analytical, his emotions restricted to the most basic pleasure; aggression and rarely fear.”

This line a bit clunky, but the two lines following are fantastic.

I like the flow of the book so far, but I have to say, the way it's worded seems a bit heavy in places. This may be my own personal preference in writing, as I like a deep story that's written lightheartedly. Maybe it's the lack of dialog until a forth of the way through chapter two (although with the prolog, it felt like chapter three). I like that it draws you directly into the main character's mind and the reader gets to experience the conflict he's experiencing.

I do like the genre and I think you're on to something. I wish I had more time to read more. Highly starred. :)

Hi James

Here I am for my return read – sorry it’s taken so long!

This sounds very interesting and a bit complicated. The man/wolf thing confused me a bit in the pitch, though that’s probably because I’m easily confused. Nice over too.

Really liked your opening. Intriguing first line, way to get us right into the characters POV. What I also liked about it was that you’ve introduced us to a wolf – not a werewolf. You’ve managed to do this convincingly, keeping in the mindset of a wild animal but somehow managing to make him relatable. It does need an edit – there are some uncapitalised letters after full stops and I spotted an ‘abandon’ that needed an ‘ed’ attached to the end of it, but nothing major stood out.

I don’t tend to read werewolf novels, but I liked this. It’s an original concept and I liked that you’ve taken the reader along as Jack learns how to be human. There are some typos – latter instead of later for example, but as I said, nothing else major.

Quite surprised that I liked this actually. Well starred.

Silva

Hi James,
Maybe we've been visiting similar dark realms. Maybe if you'd be willing to visit with my vampires - the Blood Born, I'd reciprocate by hanging out with your werewolves. How about it? I can always make space on my bookshelf for wolves in human form.

Larry M.

- Bite Mark -

(Based on chapters 1-4)

This comment is not going to offer much in the way of insight or critique. I can't say I've ever read anything like this before so it's something I'm not really qualified to comment on. All I can say is that I liked it. I really enjoyed how smooth and succinct the writing was. There is an excellent mood set up using only short paragraphs and chapters. All in all, it felt very polished. I also appreciated how well the first chapter was handled, given that it contained no dialogue. The wolf's POV was handled very well.

The way the scene ended in chapter three was both shocking and intiguing. The main character can't be your standard hero after that so it's interesting to see how he will develop from there.

I suppose all the service I can add is to list some typos that could be cleaned up.

Chapter 3
-'Hey Son. Are you hurt?' (should be a comma before 'Son')
-'You got any money, boy?' (should be 'Boy')
-'He rummaged through the mans pockets.' (missing apostrophe in 'man's')

Chapter 4
-Gotta go.' (missing quote mark)

As I say, I can't really be a good judge of the genre as it's not something I'm used to but I did find the writing very good and the story compelling. It goes onto my 'to be backed' list.

Best of luck with it,

Ross

Hi James,
Very funny first little bit! (chap 1).
Hm, I read on through the next two chapters. I quite liked this, it was very different and unique, and written quite well. Some of the words jarred me, I remember being jarred at 'bloody strips'. I thought maybe remove the 'bloody.' I'll read on anyway, and highly rate you.
Thanks!
Monicque. xx

James,
"Bite Mark" is wonderfully descriptive and a compelling read. What you might want to elaborate for the reader is how Jack from the horse and buggy days learned to drive a truck. You certainly have a feel for the right words that make your scenes come alive. I must say the physical changes you described brought to mind Michael Jackson's elaborate transformation into a werewolf in "Thriller." Very detailed. Thank you so much for giving us a sampling of your creatuive genius.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

After your first chapter, Jim, I decided to read it all. Started yesterday at noon, knocked off at midnight, and finished at 2:00 p.m. today with brief pauses for refreshment. Rather than detailed comments (my eyes are strained), I'll simply leave you with a few words of praise for a thrilling tale well told. The writing improves as it goes, mounting to a highly charged climax and a very touching conclusion. Guy Endore, author of the masterful "Werewolf of Paris," has a serious rival.

"Bite Marks" will soon have my enthusiastic backing. Meanwhile, I urge you to read "The Doctor of Summitville," also a complete novel that's had many complimentary reviews. If you find it publishable, I'd much appreciate your comments and a turn on your shelf. --Best wishes, Bill

I read chapter one and two:

-- "He was agitated, assaulted by a fire storm of unfamiliar stimuli and sensation. Even in the lonely back country their scent was everywhere. Things that they touched or erected, the heavy petroleum smell, the lights in the nights and the noise and rush of the wheeled things surrounding them; he felt anxious and threatened, his teeth constantly bared and his stiff and hackled." - the paragraph is sensational with things which other living things and animals they distinguish man with , which a lot to do with pollution and other environmental destruction substances.

-- and the whole story of wolf to man changing is an interesting one.

IMHO, a lot of this is overwritten. I would prefer the voice be relaxed a bit, but be careful not to lose your voice if you take this advice. Also, I'd like to get a POV and something more to experience. The prologue and first chapter feel mostly like set up to me, with not much happening. I want an idea of what the story is about, who the main character is, what troubles they face, that sort of thing. . I'd love if we got to the romance part later, as that seems like it would be the aspect of your pitch that hooks me the most, but overall, really I just wanted a sense of story earlier on. I hope this is helpful. I didn't notice any technical errors and have very little by way of complaint aside from the aforementioned, which you can feel free to disregard if you like as the book just not being right for me. I've backed your novel and will star rate it favorably as it is well-written, even if the execution isn't within my personal tastes...because I do realize my personal tastes aren't everything :P People happen to disagree with me often lol.

Good luck with this!

Ha ha, grear read. Orlando put me onto you. Good luck.

I read several more chapters. A very enjoyable book, very entertaining.

Bite Mark by James E. Coplin. The pitch is a breathtaking lure into the world of Jack Grady. The prologue is one of the best I have read on here. It’s fast, expressive, stunning and explosive. The last three paragraphs on that page are testament to the author’s attention to detail and poetic descriptions which are essential for a book of this nature. Contempt is not a wolfish symbol. I like the imagery here. It makes this creature even more prominent and, at the same time, special. The reader is curious and wants to know more. Chapter 4 comes like a bolt in the blue. It’s a fast read and chapters just peel away. I was surprised Jack knew how to handle the truck but this is no ordinary man. ‘The cars humming by bothered him no more than the constant rush of wind on the Tundra’―superb word picture, outstanding writing. Highly starred and in w/l. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

I read more of your book and I'm really enjoying it! You have a great story going here, I think!

Ohhhhhh! This is good so far! I will put you on my watchlist for when I have more time. I love the paranormal and you do it well!

I read part of this quite some time ago in a previous authonomial existence. It has undergone some transformation (in a good way).

Hi James,

You have some really great ideas here. I love the way the wolf is just behind Jack's eyes and ready to surface from his body.

But for me, I would like a snippet from Kevin's demise at the very beginning, a real shock taster to draw the reader in. Then you could go back to Jack's awakening and fleshing out the background. Sometimes, a kind of lecture at the beginning can put people off. But that's only my opinion of course.

I spotted a typo in chapter 4 - you have 'latter' when it should be 'later.'

There is a lot of telling in the beginning, and I think you might be missing a trick here, when you could really get into the wolf's head and describe the smells and impulses he's feeling - really make the reader experience them. You've got a good story emerging and with a few little tweaks it could easily become a great story :)

On my shelf - I really like it :)
Good luck.

Berni

Hi James,

I finally managed to get time to look at your book. Sorry it took a few days. :(

I'll comment as I read, since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. they will just be my thoughts, after all. + you can always ignore me if you think I'm an idiot. ;)

Prologue: I like the 1st sentence. v werewolfy :). I also like the fact the 1st descriptions are of smell. That makes sense + contributes to the werewolfiness.

1 thing, though. I'd suggest trying to show more and tell less. eg "this far north, air was as much tasted as scented" is telling the reader a fact. It's a bit like lecturing. I think your story woud be more vivid if you could show experiences through the character's senses. eg "This far north, the air smelled different, like snow and ice. It even tasted cold and sharp. And was that coppery tang blood? His muzzle twitched..."

Reading on. I like the confusion you paint. He's not comfortable in his own skin, literally! And for v good reasons. ;)

again, though, I think we'd be drawn into the mind of your character more if you could show more, especially through his POV. In this sort of story, I'd always recommend filtering everything through the POV character's perceptions.

eg instead of the paragraph stating th other wolves' wariness, I'd try to show the wariness through his observations. I'd suggest something like "A pack of wolves circled him, keeping at a distance. Occasionally, one of them would yelp or growl.... etc." I think such an approach would be more involving for the reader.

I'll stop nitpicking about POV and showing/telling for the rest of the read, I promise. I just thought they were useful points to make.

Reading on. I like the alien mindset. I can imagine him drooling when he thinks of meat. I especially like "wiggled in his brain like maggots." V evocative and fitting.

1 tiny nitpick. I'd be wary of using forms of begin/start as very few actions really start. they mostly just happen. So instead of "...began to lope..." I'd just suggest "...loped off...".

Reading on. Nice foreshadowing at the end of the chapter. Something's about to happen. I want to read on and find out what. ;)

Chapter 1: Looks like his changes are accelerating. Incidentally, I like the short, sharp paragraphs. I think the style makes your writing pacy and punchy. Looks like he's run into humans. I'm guessing this won't end well. Yup, they're toast. And it looks like his thought processes are becoming more muddled. The killing's pure wolf. The nastiness, that's human, and is somehow far worse. :(

Good transformation scene. I can really picture it. i'm left wondering if he's more wolf or man.

1 tiny thing. I'd be tempted to start a new chapter with Awakening. I think the end of the previous section's a perfect hook to lead into a new chapter with his human form.

I like his initial confusion with his new form. We have a name. Jack. And he's wondering who/what the hell he is. Good chapter end. I'll have to read on.

Chapter 2: A new character. Kevin. I wonder how he fits into the story. :)

1 tiny thing. I'd suggest writing in as clear and direct a fashion as possible eg in "Kevin Flemings Ford-150 was rolling along..." we only find out he's in the car when you later add he's inside. Until then it seems the car's out of control. I think this is a bit rounabout and clunky. I'd suggest something like "Kevin Fleming was driving his ford-150..." and I'd just cut the "Kevin inside" bit. I think this would be clearer and read better.

Aha an encounter with a hunter. I wonder, is this Jack? Good call on getting Kevin to describe him. I always hate it when a self-description in crowbarred into a story. ;)

Looks like the hunter's confused/ has difficulty speaking. Yup, it must be Jack, still returning to humanity.

Later, we find out it is Jack. I like the dialogue. It's clear and feels real. I also like the fact Jack's still part-wolf in mentality. He's wary of humans. And then we get a shocking killing.

We really start to appreciate just how out of touch he is with his observations on the short skirt and cars. Jack's been gone a long time, hasn't he? I wonder what he'll make of this strange new world. Maybe he'll treat it all as 1 giant hunting ground.

Chapter 3: The cops have found the car. Could this be the start of a hunt for Jack? Nice hook at the end, with forshadowing that Jack will be next...

OK I'll stop now, as this comment's getting waaayyyyy too long.I did enjoy this. I think it's a vivid read, written in a punchy way. I like the way you really try to convey the whole mental state of Jack as opposed to just the physical side. It really deepens the experience.

The 2 main things I think could really bring your story out are using closer POV and showing rather than telling wherever possible. If you could find a way to do those things, I think you'd have a hell of a good book here.

I've rated this highly, and will try and make space on my shelf for it at the earliest opportunity. I do hope you manage to find an agent/publisher, as I'd love to read the polished product. ;)

Bes of luck with it,

Pete