Now is then

Great Story and very well written.
Backed with 6 stars.
Good luck with this :)

Great Story and very well written.
Backed with 6 stars.
Good luck with this :)

The second chapter gets more into the meat of things and actually introduces the characters -- particularly Nick, who I assume is the MC. I like his interaction with the time traveller in the park. For myself, I'd have preferred a name, but that may just be a personal choice.

It's a great concept that will keep me reading.

Good start in the head of your MC. The very fact that he knows it would change history is interesting! At the end of the chapter, you give us a clue as to how he might know that.

Couple of nitpicks. You need commas seperating out your clauses, otherwise it's hard to read and forces me as the reader to go back over the sentence to make sure I have the right understanding of it.

Interesting premise for a book. Clever title. Thanks for supporting Love Me Sane. Backed with pleasure. Lisa

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A gripping start. A sympathetic main character. Excellent descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Thank you for supporting "Savannah Fire."

Have a fabulous day.

Al

Many thanks for this, will take your advice on board for sure.

Hi,

As promised. I'm here to have a good look at your book. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and hope you get noticed by an agent. I think there's a real audience out there for your work.

Best of luck,

Pete

Many thanks for the time and trouble you've taken here Pete, will certainly take your suggestions on board too. Thank you again.

I enjoyed chapter 6 today. Your interchanges remain very credible and enjoyable. And the undeniable tension marches on. Bumped the rating for this up to six, my friend.
Cheers!
JBC

Thank you very much bud!

The main problem I have is that if time has changed, then would Nick's time line have Back to the future, Deepspace 9 and Dr. Who. Wouldn't they all have been butterflied away?

not necessarily. I tend to go for more subtle but heavy changes in the timeline, more alternatives than outright hover cars, hitler as pope type of timelines.
the show and film titles are the same but they could have different actors in.

I enjoyed chapter 6 today. Your interchanges remain very credible and enjoyable. And the undeniable tension marches on. Bumped the rating for this up to six, my friend.
Cheers!
JBC

Right I've decided to have a read of your book, it is well written and I've given it a skim, but I did get a bit confused when Nick was being shown about.

The main problem I have is that if time has changed, then would Nick's time line have Back to the future, Deepspace 9 and Dr. Who. Wouldn't they all have been butterflied away?

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A gripping start. A sympathetic main character. Excellent descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) ' ... that being General, soon to be Fireld Marshall Douglas Haig.' Comma after 'Marshall.'
2) "Jesus Christ! Get help! GET HELP!" No need to write in all caps. Writing in all caps is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with all caps. You don't want that. Use italics to emphasize words. There is another case of writing in all caps in your second chapter.
3) "Yes sir. According to this report ..." Comma after 'yes.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are many more cases in the two chapters I read where you address someone in dialogue and you don't offset their name or title with commas.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) "So then, going back over Monday's lesson, Haig's assassination; did it in fact stop the war? Put a closing quote mark at the end of this dialogue sentence.
2) 'Lunch time soon,' he glanced down at his watch. Period after 'soon' and 'he' should be capitalized. The only time the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma is when the dialogue is followed with a dialogue tag (tells who said something). 'He glanced down' is clearly not a dialogue tag, so the last sentence of dialogue should be punctuated with a period.
3) The older man closed his eyes in dismay, "Wonderful." Period after 'dismay.' The only time a sentence that precedes dialogue should be punctuated with a comma is when that sentence is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). 'The older man closed his eyes' is clearly not a dialogue tag, so it should be punctuated with a period.
4) Nick saw a few boys playing football. Try to avoid using the word 'saw.' Just describe what Nick saw so the reader can experience it along with Nick. When you do this, the reader will be drawn deeper into your story and 'Nick saw' will be implied.
5) Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness.
6) that they could download on their mobiles or .... what? When using ellipses ( ... ), only use three dots. Using four or two dots is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with four or two dots. There are more cases of this type of problem.
7) Hyphenate 'caramel coloured.'
8) "I'm a catholic ok?" In this context, 'catholic' is a proper noun and should be capitalized.
9) "I care Nick and so do the people that I work for." 'That' should be 'who,' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people. Also, commas before and after 'Nick.' As mentioned above, when you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for supporting "Savannah Fire."

Have a fabulous day.

Al

Hi,

As promised. I'm here to have a good look at your book. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

Chapter 1: Wow dramatic start. You drop us right in the action. I like that. Who is this person going to try and kill? I have to read on to find out. :)

I’ve a tiny suggestion here. In general, I think it’s best to avoid forms of started/began as actions don’t really start. They just happen. eg instead of “the Sun began to set…” I think “the Sun slid towards the horizon, leaving...” would work better.

Reading on... Hmmm I wonder why 1 soldier's nervous about the coming inspection. Could this man be planning to kill Haig? Maybe. The mixed reactions of the other soldiers are interesting too. Haig obviously isn't universally loved. Aha the soldier does try to kill Haig. He only gets off 1 shot, but he hits. Has he done the job? How seriously is Haig hurt? Who's the Canadian the soldier babbles of? Is he acting under the influence of another? Or is he deranged? Intriguing. And why does 1 soldier smile? Suspicious.

Hmmm then we're in 2003. And it looks like somebody's shocked by reading of Haig's assassination. We know Haig didn't die that way in reality. How was the past altered? A big problem indeed. What effect could such an event have had on the outcome of the war?

I've a tiny suggestion here. I think, where possible, it's best to lead off with dialogue as it reads quicker and easier that way. eg instead of "Nearby an area manager had noticed his concern and wandered over. "Problem?"" I'd write something like " "Problem?" An area manager wandered over.".

Chapter 2 2003 again. now it looks like Haig's assassination is being taught as history. Hmmm looks like some sort of time travel must have been involved to kill him. That would explain the historical anomoly + the man shocked by the event in 2003 in the last chapter. Intriguing. It's incalculable what effect such an assassination would have on the sourse of history.

Looks like Haig's death did nothing to stop the war, though. It just stopped the Somme Campaign. Hmm was that the real purpose? To save lives that were lost at the Somme?

I feel sorry for Nick, trying to teach this lot. They're plainly not interested in the slightest. It must be soul destroying knowing your work seems pointless and unappreciated. Hmm what's this anti-war demon mentioned, though? Which war is this altered world involved in, I wonder?

I've a tiny suggestion here. I think, where possible, it's best to slip thoughts into the text as unobtrusively as possible. I'd only use stuff like Italics or quotation marks/speech marks or thought tags if I wanted to offset the thoughts for some dramatic reason. eg instead of "He shook his head and smiled. 'What a waste of time that was. Much like this protest will be,' he thought." I'd suggest something like "he shook his head and smiled. The debate really had been a waste of time. The protest would no doubt be equally pointless..." I think this technique would read easier and help get us inside the character's head more smoothly.

Reading on... Hmmm Nick musing about time gets me thinking about the time travel possibilities of your story again. Clever ;). Poor Nick. He really is fed up.

Ah now we're back with the people analysing Haig's surprise death. they're obviously in a panic. And they need help. Aha it looks as if they might try to recruit Nick. they obviously need somebody who knows the period of history involved and who will be willing to leave their current life behind. he ticks both those boxes.

Back with Nick. he seems as miserable as ever. And it's going to rain. His day's about to get even worse, it seems :(. Really seems as if he's having a bit of a crisis by the end of the section.

Looks like 1 of the operatives, David, gets permission to approach Nick. I can't wait to see nick's reaction to this. Will he think the man's mad? ;)

Inauspicious initial interaction between David and Nick. Nick's still in a black mood and thinks David's soliciting signatures or money or trying ot convert him. I almost laughed at that bit ;). The fact this stranger knows his name gets his attention, though. Quite understandably. Hmmm sounds like David has got a good take on Nick's situation. To be fair, though, it's the way most of us feel a lot of the time. Bored. Frustrated. Overlooked. It certainly gets Nick's attention, though. I almost laughed again when Nick thinks the man's from a cult ;). And I loved him getting pissed off at David saying his book's OK. The ultimate insult to a writer :).

Eventually, though, it looks like Nick becomes gripped by the idea of working for David's organisation. No wonder. it's a lifeline for him. And aha I was right. This is all involved with time travel. I like the way you cut away from the scene before we get to see Nick's reaction. I can only imagine how incredulous he was. Amazingly, though, he's agreed to meet David again. He really must be desperate to change his life. By the end of the chapter, it looks like Nick's going to be onboard v soon. ;)

Oops I just saw how long this comment's getting. I guess I better stop before it grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :)

I think you have a great story here, filled with mystery and tension. Your descriptions are well done, and really paint pictures of what's goin on. And he dialogue is believable and feels real. I especially like the way you stretch out the tension by releasing information, little be little. At the end of each section, I want to read on and find out what new developments your story has in store. What effects have Haig's death had on history? Are the effects positive or negative? How will all of this impact Nick's life? If the reader wants to find out, they'll have to read on. ;)

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and hope you get noticed by an agent. I think there's a real audience out there for your work.

Best of luck,

Pete

Well written and a great plot. You have a knack for an interesting turn of phrase, such as 'a rather unappetising marking of books with a side-order of self flagellation and a bitter sauce of self-pity on top.' Brilliant.
The reader has a real sympathy for Nick's dull life, though I'm afraid you lost me a bit with the disgusting slob, Julia, the flat-mate. Perhaps a bit overdone, I thought, but then maybe I'm a bit more squeamish than most.
But overall, a very promising story. To be backed, Marj.

DW,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the Ferrari like tempo you inject into your narrative......

.....short phrases that use a single image to set up place.

.......the methodic use of body language description to frame the emotional map of your characters....

......and the action oriented dialogue that instead of slowing, accelerates the plot

......and that is what makes your narrative worth reading


Some of my favorites:

"Kill him?"
very effective start line

"fluorescence tangerine glow"

" his armpits fell (very) damp and a thin trickle....."
very effective description

"Nick's face fell raw...."
this entire paragraph is your personal best so far.
why?
because here you get to the nitty gritty of letting description paint the emotional map of your character

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"with despair" "tired eyes" "worry plagued and bombard him"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

for ex:" Nick looked around his sparse bedroom"
then you go about describing ....the sparse bedroom
isn't your description good enough to evoke the word "sparse" in the reader's mind?
why is the label necessary then?

"shrilly filling" "breathing slowly and deeply " "steaming hot tea"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

DW,
I enjoyed your first five chapters so far. You are tackling well this premise of time travel. So far, the entire read is captivating.
It's sometimes difficult to make decisions on immediacy. In chapter one, the 1916 section is like a prologue, and I'm not sure whether or not it is good to hold the scene at a distance from the reader. Lines like: The day had been . . . or, The area exploded with panic and confusion. You're telling here, and maybe that's okay for a prologue, but the readership climate today seems to indicate a penchant for immediacy from the get-go. So, this is not meant as a crit, but a (sort of) philosophical question: Should we show or tell in our prologues/beginnings?
Now, your imagination and talent are considerable. This book is a pleasure to read. There remains editing needs (IE. comma for direct address. "There was no other way, John.") Though, I won't be uploading any edits for the first 10,000 words of my book for fear of messing up my rank position. So, maybe you've already handled this in your main manuscript.
I thought your handling of Nick's getting drugged was fantastic. Well done. Nick is immediately likeable. So is Mr Trainers.
The last bits of chapter four and five are excellent (for chapter endings). Five stars for now. I'll come back and read more when I can, and may upgrade. This feels as if it will only get better.
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Thanks Nigel. Your critique and advice are very much appreciated.

DW,
I enjoyed your first five chapters so far. You are tackling well this premise of time travel. So far, the entire read is captivating.
It's sometimes difficult to make decisions on immediacy. In chapter one, the 1916 section is like a prologue, and I'm not sure whether or not it is good to hold the scene at a distance from the reader. Lines like: The day had been . . . or, The area exploded with panic and confusion. You're telling here, and maybe that's okay for a prologue, but the readership climate today seems to indicate a penchant for immediacy from the get-go. So, this is not meant as a crit, but a (sort of) philosophical question: Should we show or tell in our prologues/beginnings?
Now, your imagination and talent are considerable. This book is a pleasure to read. There remains editing needs (IE. comma for direct address. "There was no other way, John.") Though, I won't be uploading any edits for the first 10,000 words of my book for fear of messing up my rank position. So, maybe you've already handled this in your main manuscript.
I thought your handling of Nick's getting drugged was fantastic. Well done. Nick is immediately likeable. So is Mr Trainers.
The last bits of chapter four and five are excellent (for chapter endings). Five stars for now. I'll come back and read more when I can, and may upgrade. This feels as if it will only get better.
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

A despondent teacher is taken to an underground facility in unusual circumstances to experience time travel. As an expert in the Great war, the teacher understood that General Rawlinson was the commmanding officer of the B.E.F, but the mysterious Mr Plummer has serious missgivings about the historical accuracy of the timeline.
Considering the built up going on with regard the anti war protest, and the importance of the Berlin to Baghdad railway in the world war one conflict, is their some kind of connection here. The purpose of the anti war protest I could assume is to stop the Iraqi war, but as the timeline has changed now.. Could there be a clever juggling of history going on?
Either way I would be very keen to read on, as you've spiked my interest. Authonomy doesn't always allow for that however. Took a while for 'Now Is Then' to grow on me, mainly because the beginning was slightly off putting with regard the Mr Plummer and his protege David who entered the story miscellaneously, neither confiding in their names or status. With the clarity of the anti war protest march, not on the horizon, it started to dawn on me there may be reasons for the clandestine approach. If a Great War interest suddenly takes hold I'm sure you will have a real winner on your hands, but only die hard enthusiast's like myself, might show a real interest in it. However there is no reason why it can't be sucessfull in its genre, as a story in its own right, rather than as an historical counterbalance, I might have an interest in.
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning.

Now and then
Backed with pleasure
Lenny Harry
(Like a dot on the horizon)

Great plot, great story, extremely good writing. Wishing you the best of luck with this and much success.
Backed with utmost pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

You have created a most interesting, unique and somewhat contravertial storyline in the assissination of General Haig and its future consequences. I like it. Your use of short paragraphs and crisp dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing well. You do an excellent job in building Nick's character and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi DW, Written very clearly and yet it tantalizes with the assassination’s connection to the 21st century. The sections with Nick pull in at the human level; his responses make his development as a character interesting. When I got to the time-travel, that began to explain the puzzle. The issue of war and the premise make for a fascinating plot. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

This would make a great movie. The descriptions, the characters and the dialog are just right.
I really like this and I'm backing it with pleasure.

K
Nick Keen's Guide to Ghost Cleaning

It's a highly interesting premise. You have good descriptive skills and a talent for rounded descriptions.

"Outside, a blanket of grey cotton cloud enveloped the last blue of the sky."

There is a laconic style at the very edges of your writing that drew me in superbly as you express your thoughts without overloading the metaphores. Just one problem might be the overuse of older man, younger man in the centre of chapter one?

On the whole, a fantastic read. BACKED. Good luck. Cheers.

I like this. Of course I’m partial to time-travel stories. You’ve written the book using an omniscient point of view, something most of the how-to books say not to do. You might want to think about that. It’s on the shelf.

Cool story. I'm a big fan on WWI fiction and historical books. It's an amazing and brutal period that can't be recounted enough. This is a book I would enjoy.

Backed.

Brian
Mute

What a great short pitch!
What a clever and intriguing storyline. Got to the timeline shift and I was hooked.
Like the shifting perspective early on, moves the book at a good pace. I think you have a great book developing here. Time travel with a difference – brilliant!

I love the plot and storyline. Very different, history meets sci-fi. I only had time to read through ch 4 and some of 5 but I really enjoyed it. I do have one question, what's a wide-boy? Sorry, ignorant Yank. Haha

Happily Backed
Denise

Would you mind having a look at my story, "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon?"

Hi DW,
Your excellent long pitch is matched by both your story and your writing. More please. Backed.
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Dear DW,
And congrats on an amazing book cover which is the first thing to attract your potential reader. Your pitch both short and long really prompted me to read your work and I am so glad I did as it did not disappoint. So well crafted with characters that just popped into my head and did not want to leave.

BACKED by me for sure.....My book is a different genre but crossing over gave me the opportunity to comment and back your talent. Please take the time to comment on mine so I may improve my skill, and if you feel so back it.

Best of luck
Denise
The Letter

Dear DW, I love your situation historical science fiction story to World War I - ah, to go back in time to find something out - I'm not sure I'd be willing to, even if my life were mundane - your hero is great! :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Forgot to say in my comment DW, I love your cover which I think is very apt, as is your title!
Zan

Thank you Zan for the lovely comments!

Forgot to say in my comment DW, I love your cover which I think is very apt, as is your title!
Zan

Now is then

DW Lye

"Can a murder in the past provide a solution to Nick Plummer’s uncertain future?" Intriguing short pitch which tells one immediately that this is a serious novel involving murders, history and hope for the future. Good one except that personally, I don't like short pitces which ask solid questions requiring knowledege of details which the reader has none of yet as it seems to waste that space of 25 words.

"France, 1916. Controversial Great War figure Douglas Haig is shot and killed.
London, 2003. Non-controversial teacher Nick Plummer is alive and bored.
Nick is fed up with his life and job. He spends his days teaching bored kids and then ruminating about it afterwards. The killing from over eighty years previous will change history. In Nick’s time a trainer-wearing stranger offers him the chance to utilize his historical knowledge and make something of his life. All he has to do is solve the puzzle of the eighty-seven year old murder. By going back to the actual time of the event.
His choice is clear, does Nick want to report history or create history?"

Excellent long pitch in my humble opinion but I wonder, what/who is a "trainer-wearing stranger"? I think you could lose the "trainer-wearing" part.

I like these plot facets. How is Nick to go back to the time of that event? I guess that's where the science fiction will come in. This gives me a sense of adventure and excitement enough to have made me want to dip into your chapters.

The "Intro" in your HC Chapter one upload is a good start. You might want to use the full word "Introduction" as some readers might think this gives a more professional feel, although having been here for some eleven months, I'm aware that many readers hate an introduction or a prologue - which I have in some of my novels, as well as an epilogue in one, which if they discovered, I might be crucified for!

In your intro - "...the following story WONDERS what might have happened.." personally, I would use the word "CONSIDERS" or some such as I'm thinking, can a story wonder? Or is it only a person who can "wonder"? (Maybe I am wrong, after all this is fiction, and certainly animals have the potential to wonder too, maybe even trees? Or all life forces - who knows. But, a story isn't a life force - yet it is.... Sorry for rambling!) Anyway, I see this as a good start and a good foundation for your main plot. "This can not be right" - is "cannot" one word or two? Maybe it can be be used both ways?? Although I think not. I may be wrong so apologies. The end to this segment gets very exciting - A major historical figure dead? But it was clear as day, "Haig assassinated." Well, your pitches tell us what happens from here in a nutshell so I am looking forward to coming back and seeing how Nick the bored teacher with the bored students goes back in time to fix things. I like the character traits you have given him which makes him seem everyday and accessible to the reader so I have no doubt that things will develop nicely and most interestingly from here. I enjoyed this and was happy to back you. Looking forward to seeing this rising in the ranks as I think it is a very good one, with a highly creative storyline.

Now is then

DW Lye

"Can a murder in the past provide a solution to Nick Plummer’s uncertain future?" Intriguing short pitch which tells one immediately that this is a serious novel involving murders, history and hope for the future. Good one except that personally, I don't like short pitces which ask solid questions requiring knowledegs of details which the reader has none of yet as it seems to waste that space of 25 words.

"France, 1916. Controversial Great War figure Douglas Haig is shot and killed.
London, 2003. Non-controversial teacher Nick Plummer is alive and bored.
Nick is fed up with his life and job. He spends his days teaching bored kids and then ruminating about it afterwards. The killing from over eighty years previous will change history. In Nick’s time a trainer-wearing stranger offers him the chance to utilize his historical knowledge and make something of his life. All he has to do is solve the puzzle of the eighty-seven year old murder. By going back to the actual time of the event.
His choice is clear, does Nick want to report history or create history?"

Excellent long pitch in my humble opinion but I wonder, what/who is a "trainer-wearing stranger"? I think you could lose the "trainer-wearing" part.

I like these plot facets. How is Nick to go back to the time of that event? I guess that's where the science fiction will come in. This gives me a sense of adventure and excitement enough to have made me want to dip into your chapters.

The "Intro" in your HC Chapter one upload is a good start. You might want to use the full word "Introduction" as some readers might think this gives a more professional feel, although having been here for some eleven months, I'm aware that many readers hate an introduction or a prologue - which I have in some of my novels, as well as an epilogue in one, which if they discovered, I might be crucified for!

In your intro - "...the following story WONDERS what might have happened.." personally, I would used the word ) CONSIDERS" or some such as I'm thinking, can a story wonder? Or is it only a person who can "wonder"? (Mayne I am wrong, after all this is fiction, and certainly animale have the potential to wonder too, maybe even trees? Or all life forces - who knows. But, a strory isn't a life force - yet it is.... Sorry for rambling!) Anyway, I see this as a good start and a good foundation for your main plot. "This can not be right" - is cannot one word or two? Maybe it can be be uses both ways?? Although I think not. I may be wrong so apologies. The end to this segment gets very exciting - A major historical figure dead? But it was clear as day, "Haig assassinated." Well, your pitches tell us what happens from here in a nutshell so I am looking forward to coming back and seeing how Nick the bored teacher with the bored students goes back in time to fix things. I like the character traits you have given him which makes him seen everyday and accessible to the reader so I have no doubt that things will develop nicely and most interestingly from here. I enjoyed this and was happy to back you. Looking forward to seeing this rising in the ranks as I think it is a very good one, with a highly creative strryline.

Hi DW
First of all, I really like the cover. It is very visual. This is a great concept and I like the idea of travelling back in time to change history. I'm sure this has been done before, but you have taken an original slant on it. I also like the way you switch between 1916 and 2003 without making it clumsy. Loved it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

A facinating read with polished charcters that seem to talk tou us from across a table in and intimate setting. They require our full attention and engage us to the point that time has no meaning. C W

Interesting premise...Your opening two paragraphs need editing though...this should do well

I really like the concept of the book and I am always intrigued by the potential ramifications of changes in history. I like the Nick character and feel that he is a humanistic hero. Generally this is a book I would enjoy. You mention early on Nick living in a bed sit, when in fact he shares an apartment with 2 other people, just a small thing. Good Luck

John

This is a good story. A step back in time to WWI. Nick is a good character: likable and sympathetic. The amount of research you must have done to recreate this time period shows. Makes this trip backward seem authentic. And a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

As a fellow time traveller, I was absolutely intrigued by your pitch. What a fantastic story and from your opening paragraph I felt like this was a book I would thoroughly enjoy. Thriller, intelligent and with the potential to do extremely well on the open market. Good luck
CArl
The Time Hunters

NOW IS THEN:

D W Lye,

Excellent pitch, really well written. Compels you to read on.

This is a very thoughtful, intelligent novel, full of imagination and originality. There's surprise. There's emotion. There's humour.

It's a riveting read, and I have no hesitation in backing it.

Backed.
Sheila (Pinpoint)

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

This is a very clever premise, very intriguing, and I commend you for pulling this one from the depths of your imagination. The pitches are very strong, full of intrigue and well set out. Nick is a well drawn character, you pick out his frustration very well and he's a character the reader finds interesting from the start. With a historical background I much prefer my time travellers to go backwards rather than into a wholly invented future and the Great War is an inspired choice.
In chapter six, the response to the (very good) question, What's time travel like? - 'It's like drinking invisible tea' - well, as an analogy it wouldn't have been my first choice, but it is a fine example of the manner in which you try to link 1916 with a contemporary setting. Your descriptive passages are notable for the clever way you use language, very inventive and easy to read.
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

What a tense first chapter! Good hooks at the ends of all chapters to ensure the reader continues (I read to chapter 5) There are some lovely descriptions in this book, my favourite depicts the awful Julia chewing her food "as though she were masticating a soapy sponge".
A very intruiguing plot and although i am unable to comment on the accuracy of the historical content, it seems well researched.
Backed with pleasure
Hatts x

The ptich is very well written and makes me want to read the story. The plot is intriguing, I know nothing about this history but the idea of changing it sounds risky but worth the adventure. The assassination of Haig is very moving. I love your powers of description with threads of witty humour running through. Lines like, 'Although a thin drizzly mist of rain still persisted feeling like liquefied cobweb on Nick's face,', grabs me.
Happily backed
Christina
From Under the Bed

From the pitch no doubt you'll anger many a history fan with your assignation of Haig in 1916. As you know he actually died an relatively old man, for those times, in 1928. But them if you have a problem with rewriting history then you will probably have a problem with the whole premise of the book. I did wonder why you choose Haig though, maybe it's because he carries a lot of history around him and has divided historians...
But they should read on...Because the way you answered the Haig question and the changing of history was very nicely dealt with. I think you have a really intriguing plot here and from the chapters i've read you do a nice job in executing (forgive the pun) the story. This is a very promising novel, and more than happy to back it. Let me know when you post more.
David
Bailey of the Saints

This is a fascinating and very enjoyable plot idea, and your pitch outlining it drew me straight in. Historical time travel interests me much more than futuristic time travel would do, so I was eager to read this book, and I haven't been disappointed. Nick is an amusing, likable character, bored and frustrated, wanting something different. David, 'Mr Trainers,' is an eccentric, colourful individual, and when he approaches Nick in the park, and after further meetings resorts to kidnapping him, you are developing your plot with boldness and excitement. The gray, uninteresting set up underground, as Nick sees it, changes dramatically with the demonstration of the machine, the shaking ground, and the appearance of the First World War soldier. But far more gripping is the revelation that Haig wasn't, in fact, shot, until a recent interference with the time line, which has changed far more of history than even Sterling and his team had realised. This is compelling, entertaining reading; your plot is full of imagination and originality. No-one could resist reading on. Your writing is clear, easy to read, and often very funny, as well as dramatic; and you give us a very accurate picture of Nick's life as a teacher, and a serious reason for his desire for change. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Epic story that should be a movie. Well written and incredibly detailed.

backed