The Blue-Bike Murder

Hi, I've only read one chapter so far but on the whole I liked what I read and will definitely be reading more. It has left me wondering what happens next which is what you want.
Well done and good luck with it.
T A Mehrtens

Dear Ron,
I have read the first few chapters and can tell that this is going to be a good, if grim, story. It is also well written, at just the right pace and with just the right amount of dialogue. I note your warning to the reader, which was probably written some time ago. My strong feeling is that there ought to be more stories which touch on this painful subject, not just in the light of recent revelations, but more generally. The TV soap/ gossip magazine/Mills and Boon audience ought to be weaned off their existing fodder and encouraged to read of real world dramas like this.
Best wishes Philip John

I've only read chapter one so far but there's practically nothing I'd change about this. You get the voices of the children spot on and create a compelling narrative. Where I think you really excel is in the way you play with the reader's mood; the way you shift between menace and normality and back again is unbelievably good. Good look with this.

Hi Ron.... Just read the first few chapters of your book.... wow! Some of it was a bit difficult for me to absorb,(thanks for the forewarning)... you presented this very vividly and well! I have little criticism, I must continue to read... but need to take a break before continuing on... I am giving you high marks and putting you on my WL. I will try to get you on my shelf soon... Good job, congratulations, I think you have a winner here! You have hooked me in solid.... Good luck with it... Jacque (Upside Down)

this story moves well, as a thriller should. while this isn´t my genre, i like to support good writing. i backed your book ages ago, and i will give it some more shelf time, as you have been on this journey a while. keep using your talents!
j
what every woman should know

Hello Ron,
Read the first three chapters.
I like this type of story and yours has succeeded in reeling me in: the inherent horror of the situation-the abuse and the murder-contrasted with the ordinariness of that environment, the vulnerability of children as well as their naivety and gentleness.
Couple of things I think could improve it:
some of the lads dialogue doesn't sound true - Ground you (american slang), you're having me on (doesn't ring true, sounds like an old mans comment)
Also some of the dialogue is padding and unnecessary - Sorry, I forgot you don't like me....

The mix of the horrible and the banal is handled well. I think you will succeed in drawing in the average reader of these types of stories.
Good luck with it, stars and on my WL.
John
Dropping Babies (return read appreciated-set on the Wirral so may interest you).

A very powerful work. Great murder mystery and it doesn't shy away from showing what some people would find as objectionable. Its good to see a writer with some guts! Highly starred!

Joe,
The Hooligans Of Kandahar

A very nice story which takes the readers deep inside. Highly rated.

a well paced story, written with care and skill- you lead us along nicely, keeping us reading- this is a very readable book; well done!
6 stars******[backed, of course]
read SEASONS...

This is an easy detective story to read. It doesn’t hang about or disappear up its own backside with prosaic descriptions. We stay with character and story. I am sure that is why you are receiving such positive reviews – including this one! I always read 3 chapters before commenting but this time I didn’t stop until I reached six. Just needed to know more.

Neat interplay between the children too in a fine first chapter.

If there is an observation it is about the character of DI Tom Jackson. Even at chapter 6 I am still not sure I know who he is or what he wants in life. I also wonder if there could be more interplay in his relationship with Abercrombie. I find myself wondering what they actually think of each other.

If that could be introduced without slowing the story down I think you could be heading even higher than you already are in the charts.

Good luck

S L Stockford - Fresco, a dark, nasty, thriller

This is really good. Very powerful beginning-especially w/the molestation confession. Only critique is the word placid was used to describe the kid's temper-not a word twelve year boys would use when your writing in their perspective. Terrific book-5 stars and highly recommended.
Dina of 33 and Halo of the Damned

love this book great story well written. A plot to keep you guessing. Good luck with this Ron its very good
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley ttp://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/72259/-knowing-liam-riley-/

Intricate story, well told and gripping. Nicely done, highly rated, I look forward to reading more.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

I quite enjoyed this. It’s an easy read with an interesting story – there’s nothing quite like a murder mystery to relax with. I resolved to read the first 8 chapters, but the hook at the end of Ch.8 had me reading further!
I have a few minor suggestions, though. The first concerns perhaps deepening the mystery a little at the start. I wondered whether it might be better to keep the reader guessing about certain things. For example, when Brian tells Jake about the abuse, perhaps withhold from the reader who the abuser is. Keep the reader guessing, just as the police do. Jake can know the culprit, but don’t let the reader know. Also, perhaps throw in a really puzzling piece of evidence into the pot. The more mysteries, the better.
I am guessing the story is set before the advent of social networking sites on the internet, otherwise the police’s interest in Brian’s computer in Ch.4 would be more to do with these than with password-protected files. So perhaps you could fix the date in the reader’s mind by, say, describing the computer as some clunky PC from the late 1990s.
Also in Ch.4 the policeman judges that Ewan’s beard is likely to be black on the basis of his hair being black – but that often doesn’t follow. Or does it?
In places there is perhaps a little too much explanation of stuff the reader can be expected to know or work out themselves. Just two examples, taken from Ch.5: the para starting “Jackson knew that ...”, or the para starting “Jackson had, ...” In the latter case, Jackson’s response tells us all we need to know. I guess an editor would smooth over such things.
I don’t know if my comments are any help. I enjoyed what I read and wish you luck with it.

Hi Ron,

I work on a simple rule on this site - If I don't like what I'm reading I don't comment on it. In your case I'm delighted to say that I'm BACKING it, with great peasure. Good luck to your future writing.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Ron,
I had to finish this. Gripping throughout. I agree with Wye that although many scenes were chilling, you used professional restraint. Good storytelling all round. Now, I have to check out your other books.
Cheers!
JBC

Ron,
I was very moved by the early chapters. You strike a nice balance with how the story begins to unfold. I sympathized with both boys right away (of course Brian especially), so that when Brian was found dead, let alone the earlier confession, it really, well, moved me. That says a lot about your writing skills. Six stars from me. I'll pop back for more of a read when I can.
Regards,
JBCampbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

My comments are in relation to the first 2 chapters (as I read your story during my lunch break). I picked your book out of the crime section as I like this genre. And what I read so far, I enjoyed. I used to like watching programmes such as Midsomer Murders, and thought your story would suit being on TV.

What I liked the most of what I read was how you did the different strands, from all your character's points of views. I am particularly interested in depicting people's varying POVs so tend to like to see this in other people's writings too. You also structured things well, slotting in each person's scenes in a manner that made it easy for me to continue reading.

Starting off with Jake and Brian was a good idea as the reader got to know Brian before he was killed. You also made his background more immediate by giving us (and Jake) information about his abuse at the hands of his step-father through dialogue. His character in a way is similar to one of mine, which is another reason I read along with interest to see what happened to him. It was a good idea not to tell the reader which boy was killed at the end of chapter 1 because this left it as a cliffhanger, making the reader turn the page so as to find out whether it was Jake or Brian. I found it sad when I found out it was Brian, but then again, I would have felt the same way if it had been Jake.

Now, in my opinion there are 2 really strong suspects, possibly a third so far. David is obvious, with his diminuative size and having pretended to strangle Brian before. Then there is also the step-father who is also not a big man and has abused Brian horribly. However, the nails bit also suggests that it could be a female, possibly his mother? Is she doing it because she found out things about Brian and her husband? But her son would be more important than him, and why would she blame Brian? But then again if she's psychologically up the wop then it could still be her. She would have small hands, long nails, and because she is big she may also have the strength behind her. I hope it isn't her though, as she's his mother. The cop is wrong if he thinks it is Jake. The boy is totally innocent.

Jake may also be in danger now as Brian has devulged information about the step-dad. Thus, if it's the step-dad there may be another murder. All up, you've set up a very good mystery.

I also thought you did Brian's personality well. Showing his angry nature fitted in with what has been done to him.

Anyway, I'm babbling now, which is a good thing in regards to your story as I tend to do this when I like a story. All the best - Marita.

This was always one of my favourite books its nice to revisit it. You set us some chilling scenes but don't overplay them. You leave us to add our own bit of imagination and that is all the more chilling. Following the police through their process is enlightening as they turn from one suspect to another. I only got to chapter 14 the last time so its been nice to take up where I left off. You are a talented writer and I wish you luck with this great book.
Amelia
A Date in The Diary

This was always one of my favourite books its nice to revisit it. You set us some chilling scenes but don't overplay them. You leave us to add our own bit of imagination and that is all the more chilling. Following the police through their process is enlightening as they turn from one suspect to another. I only got to chapter 14 the last time so its been nice to take up where I left off. You are a talented writer and I wish you luck with this great book.
Amelia
A Date in The Diary

I liked this book well enough to read in one sitting. There are several punctuation issues and too much use of "actually" and other such words, but good intense story. The police certainly look like bumblers charging every one with Brian's murder and then with Jake's, though he wasn't dead. Jake's consistent bad luck became almost humorous toward the end -- not the mood you want, I guess. I'm sure you've cleaned all these things up by now and let the strong story come through. Good luck.

Hi Ron,
I enjoyed the start of the story, excellent engaging
dialogue reveals the 2 boys characters and fears, with
a savage surprising twist to hook us at the end.
Checking later chapters it seems equally thought out
with lots of social insight to back it up.
Best of luck with it.
mikegilli The Free

First two chapters are well done. I really only have three observations to make, both from chapter 1. The first line about Jake trotting about made read like a dog instead of a person. I had to re-read to make sure yo weren't referring to an animal. The second observation has to do with David (the biker). I thought that part read a bit strange, especially when he mocked strangled the kid. I know (I think) it was meant to foreshadow what happened to the dead kid found at the end of the chapter, but it just seemed odd for a "killer" to do that. Finally, the last paragraph of chapter 2 switches font and size.

Nice story and the best of luck.


Natalie

Ron,
Great hook! I immediately felt concern for Brian. I could feel from the beginning that something was up with him and now I want to keep reading to find out if it was the guy on the blue bike or some other unknown character that led to his demise. I like how the dialog moves you along at a good pace. There is no reason for me to stop reading other than the obligation to read other book on Authonomy as well. Fantastic start to what could be a great thriller mystery. I will back with pleasure!
Robin
The Heritage Series, Bloodline

“BACKED” The Blue-Bike Murder. You’ve definitely set the tone for a good mystery. We’ve read the first 2 chapters and liked how your dialogue kept us reading. Happy to “BACK” your talent!
CC Brown
DARK SIDE

Ron,
You hooked me. You've created a great mystery here. It's spooky and tense, as a good mystery should be. I loved how you got me into the heads of the children. You develop your characters so well, too. The mother is despicable as is the step-father. Very well done.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

HI RON BLUE BIKE MURDER'

YOU GET INTO THE MIND OF A CHILD VERY WELL AND THIS ADDS TO THE DIALOGUE
the klds talk spot on .what's up with wi' you' and other lines that adds to the atomosphere.
the chapter with the child abuse handled with sensitivithy and care, and is a warning to mothers who read this book that they can never be too carefull in the protection of their children.
it's a good who done it of a read.
TOM BYE ; FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
PLEASE READ MY STORY ABOUT A CHILD GROWING UP AND BACK IF YOU LIKE IT

good opening chapter, flowing narrative and perfect pace...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS.....

Your book ha a very well written opening chapter. I like that you can make the reader believe they are a twelve-year-old boy and forget anything else going on around them. I am sure your book will do well. Thank you for posting it, a very enjoyable read. Backed, Mariah

The blue bike murder
This is a compelling story
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Great dialogue and setting of stage for the drama to come. Your have a casual writing style and a good sense of how to build tension. Good luck.

A strong, powerful thriller. Atmospheric. Impecable characterizations. Engaging drama. A sound storyline. Well conceived plot. Lively, energetic writing. A captivating read. Backed.

I love the camaraderie and banter between the boys. It gives the death scene so much more depth- we imagine how the other boy might feel, guilt? And the tension is thick- what exactly happened? Backed.

To Ron Parker (The Blue Bike Murder),

This is a real thriler and I'm BACKING it with pleasure.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Always room on the shelf for a well-constructed detective story. :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

The blue bike murder
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

I like murder mysteries. Adding to my watchlist.

Anne
Closeted Courage

Unsettling start where you're not sure who killed theboy. Was it the man on the bike or the old man with the dog or the stepfather. The boys interaction feels real and your writing is solid, carrying the reader into the story. There is definitely an uncertain atmosphere where you are just waiting for something ominous. The pitch sells the story without spoiling it and your cover is stunning. backed with pleasure.

Read briefly through the first four chapters and then danced around to check your writing style and ability which is professional, skilled and talented.


There is a definite feel of a Chandler or Amis here and that is enough to give your my admiration if your writing.

Kudos on the work
Good luck.
Cheers.
Oh, and BACKED.

Dear Ron,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on.

Further reading and comment depend on time and commitment.

Happy everything and take it easy.

MM

Hi Ron
This is a great thriller and is a smooth read. The dialogue is good and the narrative is sharply visual. The only thing I'd change would be the pitch. I don't think you sell the book as well as you could with it. I'd write it as if you were sending the pitch to publishers and I'm sure you'd attract more readers to what is potentially a great book.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Really great cover art! It is very eyecatching. I also think your pitch is good, but I would leave out the last sentence telling people not to read the book. A person who doesn't want to read about child abuse has already gotten the picture. But in any case, that is a small detail. I like your writing style and the theme of the book is terrifying but compelling. Great job! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

HI Ron, A real Thriller, I kept turning the pages. I like the book and I BACK it! Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

A well written tale, seeing as how its about such a sad subject. Poor Brian! You give us an eagerness to see his step-dad caught and sent to jail. With your writing its very easy to sink into the story. Strong and steady pace, you write with confidence. And you intrigue. Great for a mystery. Thanks for the read and good luck!

Enjoyed sampling the first few pages. Fresh and nicely done - certainly draws you nto the story. Will try (time as ever on here is short) to add some more considered thoughts shortly.

Clive
Cincinnati Dancing Pig

I have almost burnt the dinner, this is fantastic and I'm going to move it back to my W/L as Its such a compulsive read. I cant find anything wrong at all in fact its all right very very right. but I noticed a change of font and text at the end of chapter two. Fantastic Fantastic Fantastic BACKED

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Dear Ron, I just discovered that you have 3 books. I've backed the other 2 & am now backing this one. :) All 3 are good because you have nice crisp paragraphs & dialogue. I am commenting/backing this one, too. :)
Love, Susie Please back my 2. Thanks, Susie :)

I read the pitches to all three of the books you have posted, and chose this one. I write about child abuse as well. The way I see it...it's a story that needs to be told. Even today with everyone well educated on the subject, it's still something that happens in "other" families. That said...Great job on your story and I will back it.
BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries

This is a disturbing subject but you shoudn't shy away from it. it may help someone speak out and that is always a good thing. I liked the narrative and where the man spoke to the kids in the park you could feel the tension. Backed

Your pitch drew me into reading the story. A very good premise and knowledgeable writing. The psychological aspects of the story add an element that makes this a winner.

Backed.

Loretta Stacey
Forever & Never