HEADWIND

Raymond: Gee, thanks for the review ... I've been away from Authonomy for a long time ... since my last visit, I have completed Headwind and it has been in circulation for a couple of years (wow, I guess it has been a long time) ... anyway, I appreciate your input and will take into consideration if I ever do another eddition. In the meantime, if you'd like to see more of the book, I'll upload more chapters.

Do you have any material uploaded on authonomy?
Chris

Uploaded here is a good start on what promises to be an interesting tale.

I do think that since the story doesn't really take off until chapter 5, that some restructuring of the foregoing four chapters would be helpful. Given that the entirety of these four chapters principally serve to elucidate Tony's predicament, that should not be insurmountable.


Please do see that, Pontius 'Pilot'. Should be Pontius Pilate. ( source Flavius Josephus, in his depiction oft the office of prefectos eparcos. prior to the reign of Herod Agippa, and also, writings of Philo of Alexandria.)

Al in all,a commendable effort that will play better with more material uploaded. Regards, RT

Uploaded here is a good start on what promises to be an interesting tale.

I do think that since the story doesn't really take off until chapter 5, that some restructuring of the foregoing four chapters would be helpful. Given that the entirety of these four chapters principally serve to elucidate Tony's predicament, that should not be insurmountable.


Please do see that, Pontius 'Pilot'. Should be Pontius Pilate. ( source Flavius Josephus, in his depiction oft the office of prefectos eparcos. prior to the reign of Herod Agippa, and also, writings of Philo of Alexandria.)

Al in all,a commendable effort that will play better with more material uploaded. Regards, RT

Regretfully I only had time for a few chapters (three to be exact) but I read enough to appreciate your work.
Good narration, with just the right blend of “tell” and “show.”
The dialogue is just what I would expect from the genre: realistic, clear voice, driving the story forward.
You managed to establish Tony’s character and give reader a good insight as to motivation. The pace is good but could use some more tension…achievable through some internal dialogue.
Overall, a story which will keep the reader turning the pages…and that’s the name of the game.
Job well done and I back it with pleasure.
Dan
PS could you pls take a look at mine?

HEADWIND
This is a different than usual story – because the average person doesn’t know enough about airplanes to write it. So you have a head start on the competition. You also have a good main character in Mickey. He’s likable and becomes sympathetic as he walks into a situation over his head. Makes this a good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Azam,
Thanks for your review and backing ... very useful input ... I really appreciate the input on the typos ... I doubt that I'd ever win a spelling bee!
Chris

Headwind.

Economical descriptions and dialogues bind the controlled narration of what promises to be a picaresque thriller that does not lose focus on the story. Povs are clear. Character and plot are revealed at a tantalizing pace, — all signs of concentrated penmanship. Thanks to books, movies and TV, there should be a ready market for the ingredients of this novel.

Structurally, you might want to take Sotto’s introduction a little further up, and I’m sure you’ll get down to clearing up the typos and grammar during the appropriate time slot.
In your pitch: “currier”. Elsewhere: loose, flee-bitten, an truck, etc.

Backed.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

Headwind.

Economical descriptions and dialogues bind the controlled narration of what promises to be a picaresque thriller that does not lose focus on the story. Povs are clear. Character and plot are revealed at a tantalizing pace, — all signs of concentrated penmanship. Thanks to books, movies and TV, there should be a ready market for the ingredients of this novel.

Structurally, you might want to take Sotto’s introduction a little further up, and I’m sure you’ll get down to clearing up the typos and grammar during the appropriate time slot.
In your pitch: “currier”. Elsewhere: loose, flee-bitten, an truck, etc.

Backed.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Christopher,

I have read 4 and a half of your posted chapters and they are good.

They have an edgy quality to them which matches the subject matter , genre and tension of the Tony character. Mickey is suitably world weary and languid. They make a good double act for this type of tale.

Your dialogue is believeable and the plot simple enough so far to provide interest. Overall it needs a good read though to pick up the odd typos and incorrect words but that is easily done.

One thing that grates is the passages where you dump a load of backstory on the reader. It is not needed at this stage. If this is a trans-america chase story there will be ample time to bring out the backstory through dialogue. Leave it as mystery for now. As a reader I don't want to know until I need to that Mickey flew for the drug cartels. Give me some unknowns to keep my interest.

But that said, it reads smoothly which means you are doing a lot right. It has potential with a bit of work and for that i will back it.

all the best on this merry adventure

stephen

Hi Christopher,

I read your first three chapters.

This is a cool story.

Your characterization of Tony shows him to be an incompetant criminal, and yet he seems nice enough. And, boy, does he have a mess on his hands.

Your descriptions are good. For example, 'He pulled up to a small building, its corrugated tin roof brown and dented, and weather-beaten cement block walls flaking green paint.' I can see it.

Your dialogue is superb. It's gritty and tough and drives the story.

Your pacing engaged me immediately and held my interest throughout.

Some suggested edits.

The air in small room was surprisingly fresh. Add 'the' before 'small.'

"Will you keep those goddamn dogs chained up," said Tony. Consider ending this dialogue question with a question mark and changing the tag to 'asked Tony.'

"Right over here pal." Comma after 'here.'

"If we can get eight more on the last trailer I'll have 'em all, Johnny." Tony said ... Comma after 'Johnny.'

"Where's Sheldon and Vince," Tony asked. End the diaolgue question with a question mark.

"What does that have to do with me? Finish this dialogue with a quote. Same thing with "Yeah. Yeah.

"Where the hell are going?" This question is missing a word.

"I sorry, Tony, did Alfonso offer you a drink?" 'I' should be 'I'm.'

. . . when he and his buddies robbed the currier of a rival family . . . 'currier' should be 'courier.'

Burke,, freely loaned the money to Tony . . . Delete the two commas.

"As I said, that is between you Mr Burke" Insert 'and' after 'you' and end the dialogue sentence with a period.

"So how much did you him?" Inser 'owe' after 'you.'

"He thought he greasing the skids . . . Insert 'was' after 'he.'

These minor edits didn't interfer with my enjoyment of your story.

Good luck with this book which I will back for a while.

Al

PS: Might I ask you to read and review SAVANNAH PASSION?

Hi Christopher...

A promising story, what I have read so far. A bit puzzled about the jump from no transport to loading up. It seemed a little abrupt to me, with no real explanation. I would suggest that you proof read a little more carefully as there are quite a few errors, but I believe ( on reading the website blurb) the web site can put in unexplained errors in the transfer to the site, but check!

Good strong characters but they do get a little confusing at times, until explained later on in the dialogue; especially where you use one name and later on say that he prefers to be called by another. Also check the title, I believe that I have read a book by the same title a few years ago. Do not know if this could possibly cause any conflicts. Hope this helps, on my watchlist. All the Best... Regards. Duncan

I enjoyed the first two chapters, interesting dialogue and the characters are developing well. I enjoyed the pace. Although - at the end of the second chapter there is a little too much telling for my taste.

I'll be back to read more.

The story rattles on pretty damn quickly, praps too quickly, you could have described your key character more fully, although we learn he's a shady character. Maybe you demonstrate by dialogue that one is Brooklyn and the other NY Jew, its a bit bare telling us.
Interest was maintained and you hinted of coming conflict.
I got a little confused by the number of characters.
Chap 1 breaks from him not getting transport to when they were loading up - is it next day, week or when, praps slow down and explain.
Check spelling and edit - you should have "couriered" and you were "loosing" when you should have been "losing"
One point, you describe it as an aviation story, but it takes three chapters before this starts to happen, maybe this can be brought forward, or your write up amended.
Best of luck, it's a tough boat to row.
Gerry

Hello Christopher,

Well, Great Literature this is not, but you know something? I really enjoyed it. It rattled along at a good pace, not trying to be anything more than a good story. While reading, I could SEE this happening, those crooks double crossing each other and Mick getting drawn into something he’d much rather not be. Poor Tony is obviously not a dog lover.
A few minor typos and ‘you’re’ a couple of times when I think you meant ‘your’ in chapter 6 (I’m a spelling and grammar freak, sorry), also it’s where it should be its.
So, I enjoyed it more than some of the other ‘top’ reads I’ve encountered and I’m going to stick you on my shelf for a little while. It’s depressing to have a story on here with no comments or feedback.
Regards and good luck,

hello Christopher,
I'll have a look at this and get back to you with comments later on.
Regards,