Stranger In Taiwan - Part One

Dear Hartley , Non-fiction & biography is where it's at! :) I love that. Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm BACKING/COMMENTING on your book to help advance it. :) PLEASE take a moment to BACK/COMMENT on my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

exciting and original.
backed a few days ago

THE LORD OF THE DAWN

Great dialogue! I was hooked from the start, chuckling to myself as your character's literally leapt of the page.

Backed with pleasure,
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken." -Relic

This is really good stuff. I can say i was into it right from the start.
You've got a great voice, and for non fiction it doesn't like a heavily edited unreliable account.
I don't really have any crits, i'm not a grammar and punctuation man. So I normally only critique technique and story but I can't say I'd change anything about it.
Backed with pleasure
David
Bailey of the Saints

Hartley, your work is an amusing, smooth read. It reads like a good piece of fiction. Good job.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Hartley - I am on chapter 14 of your book, and I'm having trouble following the timeline. The jokes are great, the misinterpretations are classic, but I'm not sure what job you are at, how long you've been in Taiwan for, and whether or not you're cheating on your wife (office party comments, prostitute comments, etc). It feels like the story jumps a bunch from chapter to chapter, but I'm never sure how much.

Also, having lived in Taiwan myself, I find myself wondering why you dealt with a year or more of horrifying bus rides when you could just buy a scooter... granted they are poisonous death traps, but at least they're faster!

Thanks for the comments - I never bought a scooter because I can't drive (and saw too many accidents to want to).

Hilarious. I might be biased as I get it completely (I teach English in Madrid and have plenty of my own anecdotes about mutilated English) but I challenge anyone to read this without a smile on their face. I got as far as the conversation with Dad - rugby on, adverts, salmonella, Great Aunt Ethel - brilliant!
Cheers,
Simon

Hartley - I am on chapter 14 of your book, and I'm having trouble following the timeline. The jokes are great, the misinterpretations are classic, but I'm not sure what job you are at, how long you've been in Taiwan for, and whether or not you're cheating on your wife (office party comments, prostitute comments, etc). It feels like the story jumps a bunch from chapter to chapter, but I'm never sure how much.

Also, having lived in Taiwan myself, I find myself wondering why you dealt with a year or more of horrifying bus rides when you could just buy a scooter... granted they are poisonous death traps, but at least they're faster!

Humor can be based on grammar. The work is based on life, especially in terms of expressing the thoughts of young men when around even younger women. Women who are learning to speak English, and they are being discussed in relation to their abilities to master the subject, with of course some other subjects on the table, so to speak. The conversational aspects overpower the descriptive qualities of the work, but in an affirmative sense--so well done that reading onward is a pleasure. Backed Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Backing this for the great characterization.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

An interesting insight into another culture.
Jane Bain ('Life Script')

This is excellent! The prose are polished to perfection and you certainly have a gift for descriptive prose! It has a little of everything! BACKED with pleasure

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is excellent! The prose are polished to perfection and you certainly have a gift for descriptive prose! It has a little of everything! BACKED with pleasure

Liz
The Cheech Room

STRANGER IN TAIWAN:

Hartley,

This brilliantly written true-life memoir reads like a novel. You plunge us straight into the story (I love the first paragraph) and the dialogue is crisp and realistic and sounds like it is coming out of the mouths of real people, which I suppose it is, but the way you write it is excellent.

Two minor observations: I think the speech tag - interjected - is very old fashioned. Said would be better, and flow more smoothly.
In dialogue you need a comma before the name of the person being addressed. "What's up Amy?" "What's up, Amy?"

I wish I had time to read the whole of this.

Backed.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Always hard to criqiue a biography because this is your life; you know it better than anyone else. My niggles? This intro chapter was way too long. Some of the paragraphs were excessive. Why is this important? Kilss your pacing and possible interest. With that said, ythe writing is solid, so I am SHELVING!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

I would suggest taking Japanese out of the first line. Reads better and doesn't clash with the ref to Japan two lines later.

The gag about amygdaloid was beautifully timed.

Nobody remembers Paul Daniels and you shouldn't be trying to remind them. we've only just got shot of the cunt.

"Don't shit yourself about it" hahahaha

At the mention of Jeremy Beedle i started thinking maybe this is set in the 80s. Either that or these people are obsessed with UK Gold.

It's very funny, but the ghost of Mind Your Language reared it's head from time to time. I think it's okay as you don't stay in the school and in any case who rememebrs that show? (well, Jim Davidson, obviously, probably watches tapes of it on a loop).

Good writing. Cheers for the read.

You have a weird (good) take on this. I like your humour, this is a great read – it deserves to do well.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Hartley, this is briliant stuff, very easy to read and enjoyable with it. Good Luck. Backed.
Norman. The Witch of Hambone Bk.3. And Muddledydo.

Hartepool, this is a cracking read. Made me laugh out loud. Shelved.

Hullo Hartley. What a fun story. oh, our poor tummys. I kinda know where you are coming from with this story since my husband is Chinese. already shelved and backed

Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Laughed so much at that sweet, well-meaning Andy. Backed. Lynn

Backed! Joss M. (A Bore No More)

I love travel books, I buy them at random and this one would definitely make my real book shelf. You write well and really convey the humor to the reader. I found myself smiling quite a bit while reading. I love finding things a little different from the cookie-cutter fiction. Thanks for a wonderful read.

Missy

Your pitch is amusing and interesting, and your writing lives up to its promise. Andy is a very sweet, likable guy, easy to relate to. His feelings for Anita are both funny and something we can sympathise with. When she tells him she is flat-chested, and he struggles to find a suitable response before understanding that she means frustrated, I had to laugh. Trainee teacher Ed telling his class that the passive voice is a whisper and the active voice is a shout is also very entertaining. You write well, with natural sounding dialogue and a clear, smooth, fluent narrative style. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This is very good fun, sounds like a real language school and has excellent dialogue. Very happy to back this.
BADD

Ah... the well known chronic death syndrome... surpassed only by fatal death syndrome, widely held to be far far worse. Cracking dialogue. I am reminded of John Birmingham's very successful "He Died With A Felafel In His Hands" and "The Tasmanian Babe's Fiasco" as endorsed by the wonderful Terry Pratchett (salut).

God, how refreshing to read something DIFFERENT.

Hartley

Was that a hint of 'Japan' around the eyebrows?.......Was that a hint of 'Japanese' around the eyebrows? (sounded better to me).....

Read the following 2 sentences deleting the word 'and'.......I became concious of seeing it way too much......

My body tensed, (and) I had to try really,

‘Because she’s in my fucking class, mate, (and )we’ll be taking another break in forty-five minutes (and) she always comes down to the Coffee Room in the breaks (and )you know that

You may not agree........

I loved the conversational accent you lend to your writing voice, which is especially evident in dialogue.....I didnt skim at all, read chapters one & two.....

Shelved with pleasure.

Hi John,

Read the first chapter and really liked it. Excellently observed. I had several large guffaws, which is pretty good going I think. I am looking forward to reading more.

Best

Phil

Hi John,

Read the first chapter and really liked it. Excellently observed. I had several large guffaws, which is pretty good going I think. I am looking forward to reading more.

Best

Phil

Funny and very enjoyable!
Backed!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a read of your book.

Best of luck Hartley!

This reads more like a novel than a biography. I throughly enjoyed your first three chapters. I'd suggest you take a look at every colon and semi-colon and try to replace them with commas or periods. Colons and sem-colons tend to be distracting and slow the flow of the narrative and dialogue.

Shelved

Rodney

Thanks Mel,

I appreciate the guidance - I've tinkered with it a bit. if you have the chance, would love to know if you think it's an improvement.

Great dialogue.

You certainly have an amazing tale to tell, the only suggestion I would make is to have agood look at your pitch, reading that draws the reader in to take a peek.

Well done.

Melxx

Great dialogue.

You certainly have an amazing tale to tell, the only suggestion I would make is to have agood look at your pitch, reading that draws the reader in to take a peek.

Well done.

Melxx

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

Simply wonderful. Since you've had a peek at my scribbles, you might have an idea why this resonates so much with me. And that's what great literature is: that which resonates wtih readers. It also sells books.

Will be coming back.

-Terry (Happy Birthday, Zach)

Dear Peck,

Thank-you for your comment. Could you give me an example of where the text rambled, so I can decide whether this is an area I want to address?

I was in two minds about the vulgar language when I first started the project. In the end I decided that as this is a non-fiction work, I wanted to stay true to the situations described, and as I (and the degenerates I tend to fall in with) am known to retreat into the vernacular a bit more often than is strictly necessary, I wanted to keep this in.

I hope you decide to return to it, and would love to know any further thoughts. I look forward to reading some of your work in the next few days.

All the best,

Hartley

Hartley
I have just backed your book. I think it has great possibilities but I found it "rambled" a little. I may be a prude but I thought the use of vulgar language was a little out of place, not necessary to the story. You have a way of keeping the language simple and leading the reader to a conclusion.

I will come back to it again and start later in the book to see if it grabs me.

Hope you will find it in your time slot to look at my book and perhaps back it
Never hang Wallpaper With Your Wife

Peck

Dear Janine,

Thanks for your positive comments - it's a non-fiction account of my time there (and how I met my wife). I look forward to reading more of your work when I have a bit of time.

All the best,
Hartley

Hartley,

I have to disagree with the first comment left on your book. I like the vulgar dialogue--it sounds authentic. Your character is a bit irritated and expletives are appropriately placed. You dive right into the story--no fussing about. You lay the groundwork for your story via dialogue--a sign of a talented writer. This story has pep and life from the get go.

One question, I see your story is listed under the nonfiction categories, yet it reads like fiction. Which is it? Just curious.

Backed with pleasure,
Janine
MY KIND OF CRAZY

Hartley,

I have to disagree with the first comment left on your book. I like the vulgar dialogue--it sounds authentic. Your character is a bit irritated and expletives are appropriately placed. You dive right into the story--no fussing about. You lay the groundwork for your story via dialogue--a sign of a talented writer. This story has pep and life from the get go.

One question, I see your story is listed under the nonfiction categories, yet it reads like fiction. Which is it? Just curious.

Backed with pleasure,
Janine
MY KIND OF CRAZY