The Ark Of Adams

You have very strong writing skills... that was evident from the pitch right into the story. I'm not much of a sci-fy type, but your story was very visual and the world you built seems like it could exist. I like your shorter paragrahps, they move the story along and a quick pace. Your dialogue is tight and there doesn't seem to a be a lot fluff. This is well done. Backed!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Has all the fast-paced, unrelentingly realistic tension of a Crichton novel (early Crichton, before Jurassic Park). Backed.

Well, aren't most inventions supposed to save mankind? Mark another one up as a major fuckup. Stripped of your system profile, interrogated and imprisoned sounds like normal procedures at a number of black sites after 9-11. Yeah, I know 2022 was a bitch of a winter. Yeah, the wealthy nations are not immune, and so something has to be done and Dr. Adams appears to be the dude with his Ark of Adams.

The dialogue and description are both very competent and professional. They pull the story along at a swift pace. "If there are no penalties for ones actions because they are not real; then . . . how easily could one lose the ability [to] differentiate between their actions within a Dream Factor and their actions in the everyday VR environment?" My question exactly. Simply, "on the third environment reset their VR identity will be deleted all together." Yikes. "Say hello to the new boss, same as the old boss . . . we don't get fooled again." Shelved with pleasure.

This is a fascinating, amusing, and quite original plot idea, and you have pulled it off well. Tim is a sweet, eccentric individual, and his friend Steve's arrival to help him is great, as he reacts to the setup in Tim's lab by being 'underwhelmed.' You write well, cleanly and often wittily, and you carry us along, wanting to know more. The book really takes off with the introduction of the main characters. Might you, perhaps, cut some of the background of your current opening, and even start with the characters and drop in the information in smaller bites later? Just a suggestion. A very enjoyable book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I enjoyed this read Jack...a good rollicking story that kept me entertained.

All the best

George Fripley
(Wurzel of Clutton)

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Has all the fast-paced, unrelentingly realistic tension of a Crichton novel (early Crichton, before Jurassic Park). Backed.

You have very strong writing skills... that was evident from the pitch right into the story. I'm not much of a sci-fy type, but your story was very visual and the world you built seems like it could exist. I like your shorter paragrahps, they move the story along and a quick pace. Your dialogue is tight and there doesn't seem to a be a lot fluff. This is well done. Backed!

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Love your idea, quite original. backed.

Would you mind taking a look at 'The Blessings Box'.

Thanks.
Felicia

Your ideas are stunning. You’ve built a neat science fiction world with a twisting history that feels like you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into.
That being said, a lot of the opening is an information dump. You might overwhelm a lot of readers with so much telling and so little showing. The history of your world should come out slowly over time; it’s great information (I like the detail about the EU becoming militarised – partly because I’m from the EU and think, yeah, a lot of us are petty enough to do something like that). So, don’t scrap this stuff! I just feel you’ll draw the reader in if you jump right into the action.
Some more general points I noted down while reading…
Good dialogue. Feels natural. But the space between lines of the conversation is a little unsettling at times. There are four paragraphs between “So this is what was so important that you had to see me right away?” and “Davik! So very good to see you!...”
That being said, I like the description of the room. Use it, but space it out; have Dr Stevenson wade through it and describe it as he goes, maybe?
The description of the flight simulator is especially good.
I like the way you build up Stevenson’s excitement as he plays the game. You really get into his head. Sometimes I feel like more detail about what the experience feels like; how his brain adapts, but what you have at the moment works well.
Hope this isn’t too picky. I’m a veteran of a writing degree, so I may go over the top some times.
Backed with pleasure!

Best wishes,

- Joel Cornah

The Dinosaur Prince

Sci-Fi is not a genre in which I'm widely read so please allow that I'm writing my comments with an open mind, and purely as a reader Interesting premise and good set-up. It feels real and possible which is, surely, the game-plan of good SF? I felt the first chunk of the first chapter could almost be sliced off as a prologue - with Chapter One starting when we meet the MC - ie 'Historical records show...'
I noticed a fair few typos and minor glitches but nothing a thorough edit wouldn't clean up. Great cover btw. Nice balance of dialogue and description and strong characterisation. I'm very happy to back this.
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

Well, aren't most inventions supposed to save mankind? Mark another one up as a major fuckup. Stripped of your system profile, interrogated and imprisoned sounds like normal procedures at a number of black sites after 9-11. Yeah, I know 2022 was a bitch of a winter. Yeah, the wealthy nations are not immune, and so something has to be done and Dr. Adams appears to be the dude with his Ark of Adams.

The dialogue and description are both very competent and professional. They pull the story along at a swift pace. "If there are no penalties for ones actions because they are not real; then . . . how easily could one lose the ability [to] differentiate between their actions within a Dream Factor and their actions in the everyday VR environment?" My question exactly. Simply, "on the third environment reset their VR identity will be deleted all together." Yikes. "Say hello to the new boss, same as the old boss . . . we don't get fooled again." Shelved with pleasure.

At first I thought this was a Sci-Fi thing going on, maybe to the extreme...turns out to be very entertaining, maybe needs some tweaking here and there..otherwise, very capturing

all the best
sue

Some fascinating ideas here, and I will back the book on their account. I didn't quite understand how creating a virtual reality would make the external problems of actual reality go away, though. Nevertheless, your description of the decline of earth in the first chapter was credible enough and the plot line built around Nikki Allen's dilemma was creative indeed.
Niobrara Kardnove (The Trouble with Wives)

This is a fascinating, amusing, and quite original plot idea, and you have pulled it off well. Tim is a sweet, eccentric individual, and his friend Steve's arrival to help him is great, as he reacts to the setup in Tim's lab by being 'underwhelmed.' You write well, cleanly and often wittily, and you carry us along, wanting to know more. The book really takes off with the introduction of the main characters. Might you, perhaps, cut some of the background of your current opening, and even start with the characters and drop in the information in smaller bites later? Just a suggestion. A very enjoyable book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Great premise that has been very well thought out.

Great work hard to find anything at fault with it.

Melxx
Would love to hear your thoughts on Impeding Justice, a crime thriller with a spunky female MC, thanks Melxx

Cut everything down to "It is recorded that when Dr. Stevenson..." that's pretty much where the story starts and therefore that's where the book should start.

Your pitch led me into this imaginative story. I will back it.
Laurie
The Cross of Goa

I enjoyed this read Jack...a good rollicking story that kept me entertained.

All the best

George Fripley
(Wurzel of Clutton)

Scary. Too close to the truth future for comfort. Backed.

Jack
You're a bit too clever for me......I like a book I can read sipping wine by the pool, and not have to flip back to the begining again because I've forgotten what was said....The fact you are up to speed on the subject matter screams off the page.....So I'll avoid commenting on plot and premise incase I make a fool of myself and try and help some other way....

D'you think you need to use the word 'that' as often as you do?


Historical records show (that) it first occurred
What is something (that )you never thought that you could do, Davik?
I guess (that )I always wanted to be a pro baseball player

“Well, I must say, it certainly is high praise to find (that )I have left you at a loss for words,” he smiled. “Welcome to Alpha One. Shall we discuss it over( that )dinner, then?”

I enjoyed the read, hope my comment helps...

Shelved with pleasure.

Jack, I had to laugh at the response to solving the problems - typical and pathetic. You throw us in at the deep end, telling us things we hear all the time yet with such power and passion it's as if we haven't thought about them till now. If that's the case we need this book. Backed. Lynn

You have a good premise here, and have set it up well with your opening paragraphs. There is something not quite right at the start though, and I am struggling to think what it is. Perhaps it reads a bit like a potted history (although written from a point in the future). May be it would be better as a description from someone instead - eg your MC explaining what it used to be like to his child, and therefore describing the catastrophies you go through? Would take a significant edit, but if you could pull it off it would grab the reader even better at the start. Just a thought? Backed. Colin

awesome book... backed...

SHELVING you because Tim did. I can use your comments on my book when you can get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Great opening chapter/prologue here - you set the stage well and I love that we get a picture of this new world right off the bat. Normally, I prefer openings that take us closer to a particular character, but this really worked for me.

The images of the "have-nots" frozen and reaching for the heavens is particularly well done. Your ability to pull emotion from the reader is very strong indeed.

I'm thrilled to see something like this here - your pacing is great and I only noticed a few punctuation issues, particularly in regard to some missed commas. I think you'll find that reading aloud will help you find these quickly. If only I could copy and paste... better examples could be provided.

Fantastic job. Thanks for sharing!

Backed with pleasure,

Courtney

Holy hell...now that was an exciting read. You grabbed me with the pitch...bravo, that doesn't happen all that often.

The writing was so well crafted and the pacing as near to perfect as I've found on this sight. I was captured and locked in on a roller coaster ride of emotions...plunging from anger at mans continued inhumanity to everything alive, into the force and the voice of Alec Guiness...."Use the force, Luke" To playing baseball with Babe Ruth. Stunning and given our already racing out of control desires to interact more with things rather than people...this is ominous and frightening a thriller of a ride created with clever research, and an empathy and understanding of what drives us all...Survival 101.

I am utterly delighted to back this book, Jack. I think it will catapult all the way to the top.
Bravo.
Suzannah Burke

Thank you so much, Suzannah! I greatly appreciate the kind words.

I read your pitch and wanted to read the book, then after the first few lines I put it on my shelf and came back to read more. Very well written, good luck.

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries-The Autobiography & Scorned.

Thanks, BD! :-)

Welcome to Authonomy.

I've been on this site a long time, and it's one of those days when I'm feeling like an agent's reader or a publisher's reader and there is nothing recommended to read, so I'm faced with going through the slush pile. Take that as a warning and think of it as a lesson in reality.

Somewhere between the mostly effective detergents, the super resistant bacteria strains, the big snow storm, the new Ice Age, and the total chaos you lost me, because you make no sense out of any of it. You're trying to write something portentous and mostly comes across as pretentious.

Holy hell...now that was an exciting read. You grabbed me with the pitch...bravo, that doesn't happen all that often.

The writing was so well crafted and the pacing as near to perfect as I've found on this sight. I was captured and locked in on a roller coaster ride of emotions...plunging from anger at mans continued inhumanity to everything alive, into the force and the voice of Alec Guiness...."Use the force, Luke" To playing baseball with Babe Ruth. Stunning and given our already racing out of control desires to interact more with things rather than people...this is ominous and frightening a thriller of a ride created with clever research, and an empathy and understanding of what drives us all...Survival 101.

I am utterly delighted to back this book, Jack. I think it will catapult all the way to the top.
Bravo.
Suzannah Burke

I read your pitch and wanted to read the book, then after the first few lines I put it on my shelf and came back to read more. Very well written, good luck.

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries-The Autobiography & Scorned.