The Existence Game

This was a hard read for me only because I struggled with mental illness. I can relate to some of this. Like my book...I talk about mental illness as well. I will say that this was well writen. Very compelling and addicting. High stars from me!

What a well-told and agonizing first chapter you've crafted. Somehow you've presented a narrator who dumps a staggering weight of grief on us without sounding like she's feeling sorry for herself. The believable worthlessness she expresses, and the anguished experiences contributing to and arising from it, comes off as something we can probably all relate to in varying degrees. There's a realism to the account so far, helped by your use of quotations from the characters themselves to introduce the chapters. In conjunction with your opening quotation from Phoenix, these quotes give me the impression of an informal 'school' or forum, a kind of gathering of friends committed to surviving in the most graceful way they can.

Stylistically, I'd offer as a suggestion that you break your chapters about in half - I think as shorter episodes they would help propel the reader through Alexis's pain. On the other hand, asking the reader to take in the chapters in one go definitely leaves us FEELING some of that emotional weight. But I'd also shorten some of your paragraphs, which would also move the reader forward easier. For an example, in Chapter 2 I'd make 'I could always count on Eileen' the start of the second paragraph.

Typos:
'...revealed its self to be an insidious form of hell.'

Anyway, this is a powerful, and I think ultimately hopeful, story. Highest stars from me and good luck with it.
Edward
The Black Dionysia

The Existing Game has a strong compelling narrative as the reader is tugged along by Alex and her harrowing life. I really like the in depth analysis of the torturous conditions, both real and imagined by Alex, that leads her on a path of attempted suicide. Gunner is a good, but brief character and the family's thoughts of him being too good for Alex is a good insight into the root of some of her insecurities. Alex's relationship with her mother is distressing and the characterisation contributes well to Alex's trauma.

I like how early on, the reader is aware of the suicide attempt. It made me want to read on and learn what could bring Alex to the decision. I soon found myself cloaked in Alex's lucid, endearing narration of her troubles and doubts. Little nuggets of Pop Culture was also a good hook - I liked the explanation of the Beatles song as it set the scene immediately for Alex's actions and thought process.

Judy, The Existence Game is very well crafted. I wanted to endure Alex's sad journey with a pang of hope - signalling to me that the characterisation was rising above the unsavoury topic. I've rated The Existence Game very highly and wish you much success. Best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killing Paradise

Judy, I had the "existence game" on wl to read. The short and long pitch really grabbed my interest.
Chapter 1.
You give so much information about Alex in the first chapter without any sense that it is pushed- it just builds up her issues so well and flows from the page. This is a complex area, yet you present it so effortlessly. You do know the area well. How you manage to include the family, boyfriend and friend dynamics as well is nothing short of a miracle. Complex, interesting and insightful..
Alex's sense of Identity is bound up in her relationships with others.She has a strong identity whilst being with "The Gun" - she prefers this abusive relationship-to being alone
Anxiety state - grief from the double loss of losing her friend and moving away.-
Obsessive thoughts and ritualistic behaviour0- to prevent bad things happening .Her self esteem in tatters..
EEk, mum, even good mode mum is waful. Amazingly portrayed.

I love Alex Moser's quote's particularly the one at the beginning of chapter two,
Gee, poor Alex. Self harminga and a suicide attempt
I liked the way you used the Grim Reaper -GR- to describe her inner thoughts.

So much, and so cleverly constructed.
I will read more. High starred
Sheena
The Popish Plot

I've only read the first chapter so far. I'm very impressed with your writing. It's refreshing to see an arguably perfect, active first scene. The conflict and failure resonates and holds. Your voice stands out as unique and matches the prose. Your sentences are mixed nicely and appropriately. I felt no boredom and no hyperbole.

I have a minor criticism: you overuse exclamation marks -- you have at least one *grin* -- and you use capitalization to emphasize -- PRESTO! Such techniques are gimmicky, lazy, amateur, and belittling to the reader. This is a novel. Use words to build and convey emphasis, not punctuation and styling. If we don't get it, you haven't done your job.

My first impression is this will be published, but it's a long, arduous process.

I will revisit this story.

I just read two chapters of The Exsistence Game - it is written in a compelling voice and the
Observational style works well to develop the story and pull the reader in. Placed on my Wl and highly stared .

Well done x
Michelle Richardson - 43 primrose Avenue

I was impressed by the careful attention to detail. The chapter after her suicide attempt. 4 I think, was particularly realistic, the fluctuating attitude to clothing etc. I am not too sure I appreciate the headings. They take away from the ongoing drama imho.
Backed. A worthy book.
Rosalind
A RELATIVE INVASION

I've read two chapters and really,really enjoyed it. I can feel Alex pain from the time she's young right up the part she throws Gunner out.I snickered when Alex threw his clothes over the balcony and the garbage bag didn't quite make it. You write the sdtory very well, just enough suspense to make me want to read more.
Well Done!
MC
Exposed

Judy, I just wanted to congratulate you on an amazing and compelling story.

I have just finished the second chapter and it is the first book I intend to read in full. I am going to mark it as one to watch.

I have to admit I cried at the end of the second chapter, so tragic and moving was the scene. It is not an easy story to write,but you do it beautifully, capturing the heartbreaking inner world of the damaged.

Well done,such an excellent job!

Elisa
Keep Running.

The Existence Game. After your incredible feedback on my book, I really hoped I could be helpful with yours, but I'm not sure that will happen. I'm no critic, can only say how I find it as a reader.

Pitch: I dunno, I don't think you need the 'told with...etc' - I'd like to see this more brazen, more upfront, taking no prisoners, making no apologies. It's a hard-hitting tale, and that doesn't come across from the pitches. I confess I have seen it before and skated past, not thinking it was my kind of read. Also not convinced by the cover either - but hey, that's small beans on here.

I make notes as I go along, jotting down stray thoughts - these are what I have on my pad.
Chap 1: Love your voice - you have a light touch, easy-listening writing, yet you deal with deep questions. I love the gentle self-deprecating humour of your MC. She's very likeable. Very damaged, for sure, but very likeable. We're gunning for her from the off - or, at least, I am.
There is a lot of back story here...but your writing is so easy on the ear that it's not bothering me and I'm drawn into the story.
She read around 24 books a week? That pulled me up short. I read incessantly as a child but never managed that many.
LOL to Chris - the 9 year old MD.

Chap 2 - Boy, these are REAL people. No wonder people thought this was autobiography. I have never come across such detail in writing.
The GR as a doting old lady is spine tingling. Really chilling.
I thought an afghan was a hippy coat from the 60s/70s - now I'll have to google it. :)

Chap 3 - Hmm. Still one helluva lot of reported action. I'm beginning to feel I need to see more of what's happening rather than be told about it. I'm needing more dialogue, more immediacy.

Chap 4 - NOW you're talking! It comes really alive in this chapter - all the element fuse beautifully - description, action, dialogue, interior thought. Fantastic. I get the no belts and laces - my mother had psychotic episodes and was on suicide watch several times.

Chap 5 - smiling at the prism. Now I want a prism. :)

Chap 6 - I like Todd's projection. But you know, I'm feeling distanced again. And then, suddenly, wham! We're out of Psych and in The Pub and I'm feeling a sense of let down because I wanted to hear more about how she and Dr Frank worked together at Psych.

You say it in this chapter: "Enough musing - tangents and rants sometimes look to me like the main road" and I think that may be my main stumbling block with this, Judy. I LOVE your writing and I love this story. The world you build and its characters are pitch perfect - but I felt as a reader I needed the information rearranged somehow. It's always a danger, as a writer-reader, to suggest to someone how to write their book, how YOU would write it...and I try not to...but I'm sitting on my hands. I think I'd have maybe kept with a more linear narrative (starting from just before the suicide attempt) and then maybe fed in the back story in nuggets of remembrance, scattering them through the book (so the reader gradually picks up exactly why she has come to this point). There, I said I wouldn't do it and I have... but hey, it's just my thought and, as I said, I ain't no critic.

I'll back this happily because I figure it has MASSIVE potential. And you are a pretty awesome writer.

The Existence Game. Chapters 1 to 3.

Brilliant, powerful, gripping. Will be back to read more. In the meantime, 6 stars, onto watchlist and will back in the very near future. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger In My Life

Beautifully written and very original this book is ready for publication. High stars and backed. Yours Bea

On my w/l to finish.

keith

The Existence Game - return read

After reading your book, i understand now the conversations we've since had... My book is intentionally unrealistic and should probably be tagged as "fantasy" though there isn't any paranormal or mythical being so i don't want to give people that impression...
your book on the other hand - is everything real.

my useless notes that i made throughout:
- ironic that the MC fears being alone at night lest someone break in and abuse her... yet she found comfort in an abusive boyfriend... ironic, but realistic. that fear of being alone makes us do stupid things, being with someone, no matter how mean, we justify it by saying "well at least i'm not alone/single" etc or "at least i can prepare for the worst" - the fear of the unknown is what makes us do stupid things.

how the family blames Alexis for Gunner's departure - knowing a bit of your history (even though it's not a memoir) i understand this all too well... and can relate and have friends who can relate. it's sad...

the suicide scene was well written and her reasons for doing so - established... it wasn't just 'oh my life sucks, death would be better' - there was so much more to it

by the end of the first three chapters (one autho chapter), i'm anxious to see how Alex will cope in Psych, her sessions, and what she'll learn. I assume that's where the story is going... unfortunately that part isn't posted!

the next two chapters are more like a glossary and dictionary discussion of Bipolar Vs the character... it's well written, but i want back in the story damnit!

do you plan to post more? please let me know

Jaclyn x
My Life Without Me

This is a highly emotional story, clearly based on the sort of experiences that we would prefer not to live through but that give fiction a powerful push toward what every writer wishes to induce in a reader--the "willing suspension of disbelief" that Coleridge described in relation to such strange tales as he himself created.

The listing of characters early on is unusual. On the one hand it might seem to violate the familiar recommendation that one should allow characters to reveal themselves through their words and actions without direct description by the author, but on the other hand it creates the impression that what we are reading is drama. One is reminded of the leisurely descriptions of the dramatis personae in a Tennessee Williams play like The Glass Menagerie, given just before the devastating clashes of will that can so mesmerize even the most jaded audience.

And drama this is--a tale of greatly heightened emotion carried to the very brink of self-destruction as the MC endures terrors almost beyond imagination.

Highly recommended.

Hi JS
No wonder you are getting well wishes from people, this is a truly amazing believable story. You have captured the Psychosis perfectly. Ireally like first person stories (it feels like you are in the persons head) and your discriptions of how the MC ended up in a psychiatric hospital is told really well. You started from where you think the problems arose, but it seems as though your MC has had problems all her life. A truly remakable story. Very well done. I couldn't help but notice that your script jumped to the next line half way through a sentence though. Though probably this is due to a glitch on authonomy. You will do very well with this and thank you for sharing it and letting us read it.
Best wishes.
Brian..

JS Well done on a number fo counts. For coming through this and then writing something as cool as this. You are a special person. To laugh in the face of adversity and then come out with a read like this, I take my hat off to you. Brill story, great pitch. Nice flow and best of all you have very cleverly took these characters and used them to the full as and when you wanted to dictate and increase or decrease in pace. So well done and I am going to be scoring this very high. Loved it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Hi Judy,

Apart from your naturally flowing and engaging style, the story itself is riveting. At first I felt the long opening providing background might not be necessary, but by the slamming down of the receiver at the end of chapter one, I knew I was hooked. Your long pitch isolated a key scene that, when I came to it again in the first chapter, provided the perfect snapshot of Alexis's disorder (and I even thought it might make some sort of excellent image for a cover--a pile of comic books and clothes with feet sticking from beneath). I am mesmerized by the "Mommy of the Moment," and your paragraph describing Alexis's trepidation while talking to her on the phone is masterful.

Superficially, I'm guessing you've noticed the occasional random break in a line--I had some of the same formatting problems (and also the big breaks after paragraphs) until I turned on the formatting tracker in Word. I was quickly able to indent and eliminate strange breaks with extra lines. One very insignificant punctuation point: the comma before "(Yes, Gunner)" could be moved after the parentheses.

The line that will stick with me (and maybe a connection to your reference to the Panama operation at the beginning?) is this: "If we cut our mission short, we might have to come back for the same lessons." I sense that this entire work so far is a strategic operation for the narrator--both in attempted suicide and also in getting her life back together. Thanks for putting it here for someone like me to read.

c. ross
So Much Depends

Hi J S,

I was drawn to reading your book 'The Existence Game,' as i believe the more people learn about mental health issues, the better it will be for those affected. I also like reading biographies.

I can see how you suffered from such low self-esteem and high levels of anxiety from your family undermining your confidence, and then experiencing the tragic loss of a parent . Your mother with her unpredictable behaviour sounds a nightmare, compounding your feelings of failure.

Well done for simply surviving.

Good Luck with it,

Carol Jefferies
(A Prince Unboyed)
(Love for Lilian)
(A Kinsman's Chattel)

Wow!! powerful stuff. I will e certain to read this all the way through, having been diagnosed with this myself. I wish I had found this before. Top stars!!!!

I thought this was an interesting read and wondered whether it's a memoir rather than fiction. Whichever it is, I think it would benefit from being broken up a little with some more dialogue as I did find it hard-going at times. I was intrigued by Alex's earlier life and her relationship with her mother, but I felt there were not enough details to really hook me in as a reader. It may be that you delve deeper into these things later on, but I wonder, as you mention how much your character's early life at home affected her, whether it would be a good idea to give some more concrete instances of what life was like for her at home. Just a thought.
You deal with some emotive, distressing issues very well and I wish you luck with your writing.
High stars to you.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

I think there is a lot of good writing and character and (maybe) plot elements here for a good book. But as it is, it seems to be an outline of what might be in the book. Please do work on this so we can read what should be a wonderful story.

Judy, An incredible insightful empathetic expression of what it feels like to live in the middle of dysfunction and illness. Anyone who has been there will immediately feel it; anyone who has not will experience it second hand but with true emotion. Your structure and writing are careful at the same time that they are totally evocative. the over all effect is charming and compelling. I can't wait to read the rest. Stars for you and you remain on my watch list for now until I have room on my shelf. Best Regards,

Lynne Heffner Ferrante
An Untenable Fragrance of Violets

The Existence Game.
By J.S. Adams.


Alexis has clearly suffered from a very early age. She’s afraid to sleep at night without the safety of others around her. I felt that her mother contributed to the anxiety by way of her domineering attitude.
I thought that there was very little love there …she did throw Alexis out at eighteen, being the minimum age allowed by law to leave the confines of a family.
It’s a sad story that could well be a true life experience being told; even though it’s fiction it carries a lot of weight for the reader to think otherwise.
You have a good voice coming through and the dialogue is acceptable but at the same time it would enhance the story if there was more of it.
The attempted suicide and the hospital scene breathes new life into it just at the right time…a nice hook.
Pleased to star rate your book and wish it well.

Best regards,

Neville. ‘The Secrets of the Forest – Cosmos 501’ (Series) Book Two.

The Existence Game

The long pitch tells me this is going to be ambitious and interesting. Good start. I’ve only read the first two chapters so far.

Chapter One

I think I’d like to know if this is a memoir or an work of fiction, but either way it’s a smooth read; it’s well-edited with a strong, straightforward voice.

Your main character’s relationship with her mother is drawn convincingly and is something I’m sure many women would recognise to some degree.

The matter-of-fact way of telling this story helps enormously in making it more relatable. If this is the viewpoint of someone who has struggled with mental illness, then it’s entirely right that we should be drawn into her world by things are regular and normal as childhood friendships and the rent. She is any of us.

I also like the whole “existence game” idea. For Alex, the idea of ending her life is not so unreasonable or remarkable. The “existence game” makes it seem somehow logical and palatable.

Chapter Two

Love the quotation at the beginning of this chapter.

“He looked like a sculpture of a huge infant.” is great. I like the Kevin character - the mini-stories about him are fun, and give the narrative good balance.

The GR part is good, especially the description of him being like a doting old lady. Really horrible, creepy and good.

I’ve enjoyed this, to the extent that something like this is intended to be enjoyed. Some of it makes for uncomfortable reading, especially the end of the second chapter. It’s well-edited with a good balance of flashbacks, plot progression and minor characters. I’m going to star it highly.

Lucy

The writing is good. I did see some grammatical errors. But I think that there is too much narrative. Paragraph can be exhausting to a reader. The story is interesting.

I was a bit confused because i thought Alex was 13. But then sge had a landlord and going to a pub.

Good start.

Abby

this has a great premise that you write very well indeed with intelligence and skill...
backed...
read SEASONS...

What a remarkable story. Is it fiction or memoir? Whichever, it is so unflinchingly honest that it is almost unbearable -- but at the same time, it is wry and captivating -- in sum, totally compelling and utterly convincing. It is beautifully written, in a quiet, matter-of-fact style that makes the powerful emotions all the more effective. I'll read more, but I wanted to let you know how much I admire your work so far. EB

Incrediblly moving! Happy to put your work on my shelf. Hope you have a chance to look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck.
Sue50

liked the premis, blurb, first person, character, and [at first] especially the style. super, i thought.
but after a few pages i began, honestly to find it a little too even paced, kind of like rrading someone's diary which, face it, isnt meant for publication?
and also by then i was forced to ask: is it actually ficton?
if it truly is then it's on the way to being great, but i'm aware that such things happen. i'd be a lot happier if i could be sure it was

Dear Judy

I just re-read most of what you posted here - I remember it from before, but I wanted to revisit it anyway, just for something great to read. Yours is truly wonderful writing.

You have a dead pan, very straight style which steers well clear of sentimentality. But for that reason, what you write about just hits home with me. I recognise so many of the self hatred and coping strategies, and some of the issues Alexis had to confront, although my experiences were not so intense as hers. Every word feels well considered and exactly placed, and conveys a wealth of meaning and internal gymnastics.

I am frankly in awe of your ability to convey Alex's predicament with such searing accuracy and straightforwardness.

Fran Macilvey, "Happiness Matters" xx :-))

added to watch list v good x
Sam Rivers - The Balance of Your Life

This is absolutely seamless writing! It just flows along so nicely; there aren't any bumps in this road! The tone of the writing, the voice of your main character, the dialog just all seem so fine-tuned. Normally I'd want more intensity throughout chapter 1, but you just write so nicely it doesn't much matter. Really good stuff! 6 stars!

Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

I found this very traumatic to read but compelling. I work in mental health so a lot of this rang true. I felt incredibly sorry for Alex having to exist with her fear of GR and being murdered and the extremes she has to go to to push her fears into the background and learn to live with them. The line that really got me was 'I'd never cut myself in the living room before. I didn't want to make a mess' That was so poignant it actually made me want to cry. You are a very talented writer. Well done.

Kim (Pain)

This is hard to read - because it is so raw - but that is why it works. Love to see more - well - want to see more - love is a bit strong for something that hurts so bad.

Keith

Hi Judy,

Well done on this, you have certainly managed to give us a very convincing protagonist and an inticing story to boot. I did feel that it was slightly rushed in places and would selfishly like to have seen some of this opening section drawn out more...I wanted to spend more time with the tortured child hiding in the wardrobe and see more of her early family experiences, as this is what ultimately shapes the person she becomes (maybe you return to all this again later). Overall though, it is very well written and I can see that you are doing very well with it and wish you all the best. Please give Elastic Girl a read when you get a chance. Best regards, Olivia

This is faultless work, moving and inspirational. On my shelf with high stars.

An uncomfortable read in the first few chaptersI read at least, which is testament to its strength. Great writing. I have watch listed it. Thank you. Best wishes, Il Postino (Kate) - Invisible Graffiti.

Simple, elegant, wonderful writing. Highly starred and backed.

Joe told me you had a good book, Judy, but he didn't say HOW good. Really outstanding stuff, pleased to back and rate it highly. Best regards, Ted

Hi Judy, on my shelf again, going to re back you soon.
Nice nice nicely done.

blessings,
jim

Your story read well. Its addictive.

The writing in these three chapters is very good and, in parts, nothing short of exquisite. Backed and very highly starred.

EXISTENCE GAME
This is an interesting look into mental illness. Alex is a great main character. She likable and sympathetic because of the way she’s feisty enough during the day to ruin a suit with pizza but a complete wreck at night because she can’t sleep. She does a good job describing the events that led up to making her the way she is. Highly starred and added to my shelf Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

A profouldly heartfelt story, A difficult subject to tackle but commendably presented. I have only read your first chapter but Already I feel for Alex, how she must have missed Jane and Chris in those early years. The brain numbing evidence of insiduous mental cruelty meeted out by the men who presumed to love Alex tugs strongly on emotion and compells the reader to open their hearts to her. Your easy discriptive talent allows the tale to unfold whilst keeping the reader on tenderhooks waiting for events to unfold. I could almost feel the pain and desperation of Alex particularly through her relationship with her mother. Highly starred and popped on my watchlist to check out more asap

DearJudy, my time for reading is limited, so the fact that only 3 chapters are shown at present, and one of those was "errored" tonight, may have been an advantage, What I mean is that from the little I've read I've rarely tasted such a remarkable flavour in a book, nor been so eager to consume more, and be ready to finish up every morsel.
I see from those who have read it all that my opinion is justified. So then, "The Existence Game" is a top-quality book. I call it a "book", because one can't tell whether it's fact or fiction. That is not a criticism, it's a tribute.
Highest stars and the very next available place on my Shelf.
David Grant;
"Pompey Chimes"
21315/pompey chimes/david ogilvie grant

Hello Judy,

Your book is one of the best books I have read so far in Authonomy. I will happily back you up and rate you 6 stars.
I wish you all the best,

Carolina
See the world through my eyes

ive come back for a couple more chapters and this is written so well, its unbelievable. so many emotions being propelled here that i just felt so involved with this story. this NEEDS to reach the ED.
5 stars.

ive read the first chapter and i have never felt this way before. i hung onto your every word. this is beautiful. dont change a thing.

will be back to read more. for sure.

hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts,
melissa :)

Dear Judy,

Your husband kindly backed my novel and asked me to read and comment on "The Existence Game." I've read the first chapter with interest and admiration. The character Alex is so clearly pictured that I feel I've known her, and her torment at home, at school, and with her boyfriends is heart-rending. Yet her story is engaging and leaves me wanting to read more at chapter's end.

I have a few suggestions you might consider when you edit again. --Spell out "Washington, D.C.," since "D.C." may puzzle some readers. --Organize Alex's life experiences chronologically rather than skip around. --Introduce Nick in a line or two before describing the action with Gunner. --Try to find a substitute for the cliche "tip of the iceberg." --In speaking of "the madness at home," you should give some examples. --And again, in describing the Dorian episodes, "show" rather than "tell" would help bring the reader into the picture. Your dialogue with Mom is a good example of showing. All in all, the life you describe is riveting and makes Alex's attempted suicide entirely plausible.

I hope you'll read my novel "The Doctor of Summitville" as I continue to read yours. It's a love story about a young country doctor and an orphan girl during the great American Depression. Please tell Rummy346 that I'll soon have room on my shelf for "The Existence Game" and that I hope he'll back my book again.

Best wishes, Bill