Samael

This is the tightest, most economical, and literate work I have read on this site.The most genuinely scary and atmospheric too. I can see your journalist's training, Jane - not a typo in sight, and not a word wasted. The lst person POV is brilliantly maintained, and the descriptive brushstrokes necessary to paint in the shadowy world of Shadowbourne are applied with the same mastery as Gen herself, painting her own (delirious) self-portrait.

I don't usually go in for superlatives, but 'Samael' is that something special which comes along just once in a while. The current 'rules' don't allow me to shelf it on a permanent basis, but I will be back to support it every last week of the month - until it either gets its gold star or is snapped up by a major publishing house. I'm betting on the latter.

Good luck, Jane!

Andi Rinke
Ginger the Gangster Cat

Jane,
This is honestly one of the best stories I have read on Authonomy. I generally try to mix in criticism with praise, but I can't think of anything to point out to you for improvement. You have mastered 1st person, I feel like Genevieve is real and I am inside of her head. Her life has been painted out for us with good detail as well as her father's character. The "pulse" of your story is peerless with just the right cocktail of detail vs. progression. Shadowcombe brings out that subtle tredpidation one feels when entering the unknown as Genevieve arrives at her estranged mother's estate. You have taken us from the real world of a star's pampered daughter to an obscure and mysterious one that is off the maps. The time has come for Genevieve to write her own story.

Outstanding work, I'll be keeping up with Gene's exploits,

John Payne
Apostles of Sera

P.S. Your cover is trippin' :)

I'm really struggling to find something useful to say here. This is superb. Impeccable in every way.
It is beautifully creepy (an odd combination of words, but entirely deliberate). And thrilling, in a shiver-down-your-back kind of excitement. And gripping. I wish there were more to read. I would read it all, and once it published, because it MUST be published, I would buy it so I could have it on my shelves with all the other books I love.

Irene
Bad Bishop

Are you beating away agents? This is well written, fast paced, and filled with one hook after another. Although it's written for a YA audience, the book offers crossover appeal. The protagonist is fresh and believable. She offers enough of an edge to entice YA readership, but is refined/poised/mature enough to satisfy librarians and teachers of her place in education.

I sat with an open notepad to take notes on what works, what doesn't and then forgot to use it. Not because of the flaws, but because Gen had me by the hand on her incredible adventure. From the tarot reading to the house that promises her catastrophe, it clicks.

We should all be working to write at this level. Enjoy your time on the Ed's Desk and Gold Star. This book earns it! ~ Toby

Jane, you hit the ball out of the park! I woke up this morning thinking about your story. That doesn't happen often, and it makes me hungry for more. You strike a sweet tone for YA and combine compelling elements with characters that the reader cares about. Your audience should gobble this up. I did! A note about atmosphere: you've created a rich one, the type of environment that pulls in readers who are (or want to be) on the edge of danger. At times it's downright creepy, and you know how much I love that! Well done, my friend! Well done! PLEASE let me know if you decide to post more! As the author of one of the darkest YA books on this site, I proudly declare that I LOVE THIS and so will our audience! Backed with extreme pleasure!

Cheers, MJ
The Dark Light of November

Jane, I know you don't need another crit, but I get my reading from the Pitch Me and you popped up. I've enjoyed the chapter you have up, but I hate to start a reading and then not be able to finish the book. You've done a wonderful job and It would be a great addition to a home library.
--emarie
Jackson Jacob Henry Brown, III

This is really good

Very good opening with the tarot cards setting the scene for an ominous near future. Smooth and easy read that made me want to continue. My only thought is - the teenagers didn't grate on me so I'm wondering how realistic the characters are! Wished I had time to read more. On my watchlist until I have space on bookshelf.

A lesson in contemporary writing - this is great stuff just puzzled I've not seen this book before. Your dialogue is absolutely spot on and sharp enough to shave with.
Just had a quick look tonight but will surely return to this work very soon. This is one to promote, it stands way ahead of the others in this genre.

You may enjoy my exploration of a female warrior blood line in the Hellion series.
At the moment only Hellion 2 is posted here, I would really appreciate your thoughts on this work.

thanks and regards

Cyrus

This is a movie/film theme that could tie in all sorts of teen romance horrid things. It is. Alcoholic mother metaphor for the deranged battle between heaven and hell. It is. Tantamount explosion of vampire/mysterious law and mythical making. It will be. Bound to appeal to a mass market but particularly the teen market. It is, it will be. Drama set up between parent mother and daughter son family quasi paradox within the realm of spiritual battle. It is. Awesome!

Dear Jane,

Congratulations on having reached the Editors' desk! As one of the authors who admire and supported SAMAEL, I'm writing to ask you humbly to read my novel and give it some shelf time if you find it publishable.

Bill Carrigan
THE DOCTOR OF SUMMITVILLE

I was intrigued by this on my forum post, and while fantasy isn't really my thing, I found myself caught up in this. In fact, I read all 6 chapters when I was supposed to be revising for my A Level French oral tomorrow - you can see the connection I felt with Gen. I'm not going to praise your writing technique or language skills - that would be too obvious. I'm glad I clicked on this gem and would love to read the whole thing. I've given it the highest star rating I've ever given anyone on this site. But for now, I guess I'd better get back to the French!

Alex

Congratulations on making the editor's desk!

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

I love to read it completely. Interesting one.

All the best.
S.Vinay Kumar,
10 roses for love

I won't write a long critique here, because others are much better than I am at that! But suffice to say I enjoyed the first few chapters of this. It's no surprise you're sitting towards the top of the list. Well done!

really enjoying this!!

Fantastic story..but why is it that i can't read beyond Chapter 6? I got hooked on to it and it is frustrating that i can't continue reading...

SAMAEL
hullo Jane. Just moved you up on my shelf about two hours ago and finished your six chapters. Very good story in the sense that you have a storyline which can go several different ways. The kid rocker and her rocker dad in that world. The main character Gen and her girlfriend on the edge of a relationship which will either split them or make their friendship stronger. The tarot cards. The mysterious mother. The interesting house which seems to already have a hold on Gen. Of course, the good grammar and keen writing style counts for a lot too. Very good and wish you the best.
Linda Lou Long
The Tuskegee Strangler

This is so good. I was drawn in by the cover, looks really professional and other worldly, fab. You write really well, I loved the description of Gareth and the dialogue is spot on. Your pitch is also really good, usually I wouldn't read a book of this type but you sold it really well and I'm glad I did. Highly starred and backed, even though I have no TSR. You don't really need it anyway this is going to go down really well at the EDs desk.

If you can, I'd love to hear your thoughts on The Secret Diary. This is one of the best books I've come across on here and I'd really value your input.

Good luck!
Silvachilla
The Secret Diary

Great flow and pace. I loo forward to having your writing on my bookshelf (the one in my house)

I usually don't read this catagory but you got my attention from the start and kept it, way to go! Definately a great read for horror/romance enthusiasts.
Leslie Gervais
"Love Has No Borders

is there going to be a sequel, it is really good but if you want improvement i would say to make it longer, or at least make a sequel and fast, you can't keep us all waiting, can't wait to find out what happens.

Dear Jane

I would normally make notes as I read of things that catch my eye for good or bad reasons, but for Samael, I didn't get a chance. I've just read all 6 chapters and barely paused for breath. It's certainly a very strong, engaging and mature piece of writing and my only issue with it is that I can't read the whole book!
I liked the addition of your soundtrack. I had the songs up on youtube as I was reading and each track created the perfect setting for those particular moment in the story.

The 'quantam divorce' idea was clever.
I loved the line 'The dual bass line threw a hypnotic lasso around the crowd'.

The story was completely not what I was expecting from the cover (yes, yes, I know the saying) or the pitch and when I got to the end of Chapter 6 and looked back on the earlier chapters, I saw two seemingly polar stories - modern, lively London life vs. mysterious, demonic house in the country. However, the written flow from one setting to the other was fluid and the pace of your story works perfectly, building up the story piece up piece in an extremely intriguing manner. You are a talented writer.

I'm backing this book because I want to see it published so that I can read the rest!

All the best
Fe
'This Salted Earth'

Hi Jane,

Samael has been on my shelf for a few days now. I enjoy writing in the first person but in this MS you have given me, and anyone else who enjoys this style of writing, a Master Class.
Gen is a fantastic character, truly believable with an underlying sensitivity that draws the reader in.
You know your target audience and have gone out to, gently, grab them by the throat.
I really wish you well with this piece of work, thank you for sharing it with us.

Phil

I liked the story, even though it slowed down in places.

I would like to know at the start in which country the story takes place or better still the nationality of the characters. The grammar is sometimes American and sometimes English, very confusing when one tries to identify with the characters.

Best of luck.

Erica.

Very good and I want to buy the book. Thoroughly backed, Marj.

chapter 2: this is a much better, more visceral chapter than the start.
a much better way to introduce it all.
The characters and dynamics were extremely well defined.
opinion : put in just a para or two about the repeated Tarot
in this chapter and start with it.

nits:
I was hotter than hell - sounds like bragging not complaining
speech marks -> quotation marks
scent -> perfume? I din't know British slang.
hardwear-> hardware
sulphur -> sulphurous? adjective

Scott Rhine (Foundation for the Lost)

Samael,
This book has a very compelling and enticing pitch.

Written first person and IMO, falls very close to the "I trap". In the first chapter half the paragraphs begin with the word "I". That may be as intended, so take this not as criticism, but just an observation. I only read through the first Chapter, so cannot comment if this continues through the book.

The characters are well developed and aside from the repetition of "I", the flow is very good.

Mechanics are very good.

Overall, it is a great piece of work and I'll place it on my shelf when space permits.
Raechel
Echo

odds for seven cards where order matter are 78 * 77 * 76 * 75 * 74 * 73 * 72 = 13.3 * 10^12 to one.
Odds of getting killed by lightning only 1 in two million
with only 6 * 10^9 people in the world,
you could theoretically read every person in the world 2000 times and never get the same pattern.

great cover!

Scott Rhine (Foundation for the Lost)

Hi Jane! Have you changed the title? And the cover? Didn,t recognise your book up there until I opened it and started to read. I,ve been away a long time, transforming my own work. Will try to back Samael ,when I can, to help keep you there. Meanwhile, congratulations. julia

I remember this from last time I was here. Really glad to see it on the desk. Juliet

fresh and to the point. I like it because it is unquie, something I believe that is lacking in the YA book world. Conglats on writing a good story.

Best wishes,
Chipper Newman

Wow great style of writing. As soon as you mentioned the Tarot cards you had me hooked - (I'm working on a book based on them at the moment too!) The topic of parental alcoholism will ring home to many young adults (unfortunately) So if you give it the right treatment in future chapters (which I'm sure you will), this topic, your genre, along with your great style of writing and beautiful cover I am sure you will do well. I'll keep you on my WL and have you on my shelf! Fingers crossed x Rosemarie (Heroscope)

Wow. The pitch hooked me to begin with and I'm so glad I went ahead and read this. Leaps beyond what I've read so far on here in terms of writing skill and technique. Plus, magic and romance? My favourite. I have nothing to nit in this. Very polished and well written. Six stars well earned.

This is undoubtedly one of the most appealing stories I have found on authonomy :D perhaps it's because I remember reading such fantasy stories in highschool...whatever the reason, I adore this. Your settings are amazingly creepy without being over-the-top, and Gen appears to be a typical angsty teenage girl. Your grammar and spelling are both flawless (something I've found to be very rare on this site) and I will be delighted to back this as I would love to see it on a bookshop shelf!
Wishing you all the best

Tayla

Jane: This is not my genre by a long-shot, but I am forcing myself off the story to comment! Your writing is incredible and (best of all) incredibly efficient! You make the best use out of each and every word, telling me that you've refined this story many times over...I think it's ready! You're dialogue is masterful as well, not a word seems misplaced or unlikely for a teenage girl to speak. So, so well done. Bryant Kearney - THE MILLSTONE

AHve you on my WL. cover is outstanding!

I cannot find anything wrong with this - and the other comments say it all. Bravo!
Brainy

Fun. Well written and very engaging.
Chick

Wonderfully written and a great story. You write with a special style of your own. Given full stars
Johann

Samael,
Backed once again! A worthy novel indeed.
Jenny

Dear Jane,
I am backing your book once again - better luck with the desk this time!
Mountaineer

Jane,

This is wonderfully done. The main character captivated me into what she is feeling and thinking all at the same time. I love how the story twists like a sports car at high speed. I want more! I want to find out about this guy too!

Penny
The Glass Serpent

So very very good- I can easily see why this has made it into the top five! Love everything - cover title and the superb writing within. On my shelf!

Skater

Samuel,
Wish I had more time to read this right now. It flows well and I'm hooked.

Have to leave it at that as I've only had time to read about half the first chapter.
Raechel
Echo

Jane - excellent writing (not that I'd expect less)! The plot is very absorbing - mysterious, darkly atmospheric, perfectly paced and well developed. The characters are rich and well drawn, and I was so drawn that I read through all 6 chapters posted without a pause. And I was disappointed when I had to stop there!

One minor quibble - Gen having packed her artists stuff is reasonable, but it seems a bit fortuitous when they suddenly appear in chapter 6. Perhaps they could be mentioned earlier - to prepare the ground (or the canvas?!) for when they become needed? Just a thought.

Good writing all round. Congratulations on making it to the top, and all the best for staying there till the end of the month. I'll certainly put you on my shelf.

As I said before, this reads like a REAL book. There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said a dozen times before. It's excellent and you stop at just the right point. Thank you for sharing and good luck with Samael.

No slaps required! This is beautifully written. You manage to tell us so much about the people, the place and the emotions without endless narrative. The tension builds at just the right pace. The end of chapters hooks really work. You continue to be my inspiration! I can really see and feel Sam, Gen, the father, the mother and the intrigue over the village, the crib and the dead children is all brilliant. Very good luck with it. Shubie

Immediately engaging. Very good.

Hi Jane,
Now here is a book I can get into. I started reading chapter one, but will have to come back to it, something came up. I went ahead and starred and book shelved Samael and will read on as soon as I can and send a critique.

If you get a chance, please take a look at Speed Trap, which is my offering to Authonomy and I would love to have your critique (and stars) as well. If you can't, it's okay, believe me I understand. Talk to you later.
Janell (tomewriter)

Hey, great novel. I love it, the writing is great, the story is very well written, and the characters are awesome.
Backed and rated.
Best of luck =)

Hey, great novel. I love it, the writing is great, the story is very well written, and the characters are awesome.
Backed and rated.
Best of luck =)

Jane,

Samael’s first scene evoked reminiscences of my own childhood, when I used to amuse myself with card-reading. Thank you for that!
Your style is fabulous. The last time I enjoyed the author’s outstanding manner of writing so much was when I was reading the opening chapters of ‘Twilight’. Do not misunderstand me please, that is by no means a comparison. Just wanted to show you how much I appreciate your own style.

‘Samael’ is so immaculate that I cannot even find anything to grumble at. Well, perhaps, that’s it – the title of your first chapter. ‘That Crazy Witch’ – That’s the last line of Chapter 1, so the reference is too oblique, and I think it’s too early for that, this is not what the chapter focuses upon (just my POV, of course).
That’s the only thing I could gripe about.

I wish you the best of luck with ‘Samael’. Six stars awarded with pleasure.

Ivan
The Beholder

Well done. This seemed familiar to me while I was reading it. Either I had a massive case of deja vu, or I've already read it and/or backed it. I did not see a comment from me, so I'm going to stick it on my shelf just in case I didn't back it before. If I did, please ignore me.

And good luck with this!

Hi,Really very impressive work. i am very much impressed the way you narrated the story.
All the best.
backed with wishes,
S.Vinay kumar,
"10 roses for love"