I Remember Every Word (MEN PLEASE READ UPROOTED - YOU WILL LIKE IT BETTER)

This has a slow start - though the descriptive stuff is very well-written, for me it is very overdone. It makes it really difficult to get into your book, as your head is swimming with information, but no knowledge. I only made it half way through chapter 2 and am still waiting for even a hint of plot to emerge. It is beautifully written, but personally I would like you to get into the story more quickly - you can describe where Lakshmi is, and what she looks like as they story unfolds - this simply doesn't grab me and make me want to read further. Sorry - not for me at this time, maybe with some more work it could be incredible.

David Gibson writes,"Ezekial did not even hear the ticking of the invisible device expertly planted in the words of his friend." The sentences are often multifaceted to give meaning from every direction. What writing!

We should always question what mankind does in the name of God.

good story...well written and a dam good read..
Backed with pleasure

Brendan Doherty
The Russian Hat

Dear David, I love your humor. :) I could read your books all night. :) Your stories are wonderful. Your Biblical names are unique - usually only seen in the Bible. Your short paragraphs with a lot of dialogue is perfect. :) Like I said, I enjoy reading your books. :) I'm backing/commenting on, "I Remember Every Word" to help your book advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Your right again. I think the men will like Uprooted better. I love (and I don't use that word often) I Remember Every Word. It flows easily, and I can relate. I can be in her shoes.

I'll be looking for this on the book shelves of the stores.
Amelia
Dark Forgiveness

tunning storyline very good read.

NOTE: ALL COMMENTS BELOW AND THAT FOLLOW WHERE POSTED FOR UPROOTED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>This guy is breaking new ground in literature and can write...check him out.

I think this is an important story. I think it’s important enough to sweat to write it right. I feel like I walked into a quarry and I stepped on all kinds of stones: some pricked, some smoothed my gait, some fell to dust under my soles. You’ve got some great stuff in here. But your grammar and word choices sometimes pile over your insights and your descriptions. (Your use of semi-colons is almost always wrong.) Excavate the truth underneath the verbiage. Shine this work. It’s got genuine promise. Go work it. Your story is worth the sweat.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

I think this is an important story. I think it’s important enough to sweat to write it right. I feel like I walked into a quarry and I stepped on all kinds of stones: some pricked, some smoothed my gait, some fell to dust under my soles. You’ve got some great stuff in here. But your grammar and word choices sometimes pile over your insights and your descriptions. (Your use of semi-colons is almost always wrong.) Excavate the truth underneath the verbiage. Shine this work. It’s got genuine promise. Go work it. Your story is worth the sweat.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Mmm, it’s previous life and the presuppositions kind of have put me off this before, NOT NOW!

This is great, good start, nice hooks and a good plot build – so good a start I’ll read some more -Good luck

This is so well written and polished it is a no brainer in backing this!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Much better beginning, I think and can't wait to read more.

Thrilling pace.

Backed

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Chapter one sets the scene well, so the reader can settle in ready for your story to begin. Your narrative voice is strong & your descriptive detail is good. It is obvious the amount of work that you have put in to it... and it has paid off. I wish you the very best of luck with it. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Okay, okay, you twisted my arm! LOL. Your premise -very impressive, to say the least. Loved the opening, short, sweet, and to the point. I don't know how much editing you've been doing or are doing as I read this, but keep up the good work. You're going to get there - we all know and share the frustration!

Backed for potential.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Dear Savvie, yours is a beattiful and flawless collection of short stories and I encourage everyone to read them. I have taken your obsevations and insight to heart and made the corrections. Everyone should have someone as skilled as you reviewing their work. thank you for the privilege.

I'm afraid this is full of spelling and grammar mistakes and use of the wrong word in many places (wondered instead of wandered, booth instead of both, whaling when you meant wailing, your instead of you're, etc - a long list of these). Punctuation is also a bit of a problem. But those are technical elements that you should catch when you edit.

The story starts off in a long narrative of back story. It is narrated from a distance, just listing the events that happened without making it come alive for the reader. The whole first chapter feels like you're telling the reader what happened rather than letting the reader see and experience it. Then it shifts forward in time in ch 2 to a different time and place, but the style of telling what happens continues until there is finally some dialog and interaction between characters. But the dialog feels stiff and unnatural to me. Try reading it out loud and see if it feels natural, the way a conversation would go.

That's when I stopped reading. You might have a good story here, but halfway through ch 2 and I have no idea what the story is, and the writing wasn't holding my interest. I feel very distant and no connection to the character yet to make me want to stay with it.

Sorry. Just one opinion of course.

Savvie

Very good I think you captured the raid in the middle of the night pretty well.

I'm afraid this is full of spelling and grammar mistakes and use of the wrong word in many places (wondered instead of wandered, booth instead of both, whaling when you meant wailing, your instead of you're, etc - a long list of these). Punctuation is also a bit of a problem. But those are technical elements that you should catch when you edit.

The story starts off in a long narrative of back story. It is narrated from a distance, just listing the events that happened without making it come alive for the reader. The whole first chapter feels like you're telling the reader what happened rather than letting the reader see and experience it. Then it shifts forward in time in ch 2 to a different time and place, but the style of telling what happens continues until there is finally some dialog and interaction between characters. But the dialog feels stiff and unnatural to me. Try reading it out loud and see if it feels natural, the way a conversation would go.

That's when I stopped reading. You might have a good story here, but halfway through ch 2 and I have no idea what the story is, and the writing wasn't holding my interest. I feel very distant and no connection to the character yet to make me want to stay with it.

Sorry. Just one opinion of course.

Savvie

Great story. Backed.

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries
The Autobiography
Scorned

I wasn't sure that I would, but I actually like this opening much better. It paints a much better picture, and actually clarifies some things that I hadn't realized were unclear to me. Very beautiful - good edit.

I'll pick up the rest of it when I can!

Harper Alexander
Bounty