Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 132564
date submitted 05.03.2010
date updated 28.02.2011
genres: Romance, Non-fiction, Biography, Ch...
classification: universal
complete

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not -Bk I&II Tell Me True Love Stories Memoir

Susie Gulick

Memoir: Vulnerable. Love. Tragedies. Incest. Poverty. Survival. Lupus. Zero-seventy, breaking all Ten Commandments. Six marriages. Verbal and physical abuse from husbands. Testimony. God's love/agape.

 

Why have I always been physically and verbally abused, and unappreciated when I've always bent over backward to be a good wife, giving love anyway?

With God's help, I've weathered tragedies.

Incest on my father's side, still! My father molested my older sister since she was a baby, raped her from age five, threatening death to her and family, if she told - in 1947, told at age eleven. He was imprisoned. Raped her lots 1970 until my twin brother threatened him.

Granny raped by her father, so Mama and her brother were born. Granny castrated her father after he raped Mama when she was fifteen, birthed a son, put up for adoption, a secret until Mama was dying of cancer at age seventy-three, searched, found him, then told us six siblings.

My adventures. Sadnesses. Joys.

At age eleven, found my younger sister drowned.

When tiny, my Sunday School teacher prayed with me to ask Jesus to forgive my sins and come into my heart, so He has been there since then.

My quest for my true love, to be married "happily ever after" to my "Knight in Shining Armor," with He Love Me, He Loves Me Not always happening!

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

abuse, adoption, anemea, anger, autobiograpy, baptist, bible, california, calvary, cancer, chico, christian, chronic-fatigue, commandments, crushes, d...

on 483 watchlists

1639 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

13

report abuse

 

     Go Back, Jack!

     “Go back to San Francisco, Jack!” I told Jack firmly.  Tears were hard to keep back.  I had to be firm.  I so desperately wanted to keep him!  It was so hard to hide my deep love for Jack.  “I’m trying to make my marriage work!” I added, as I started to walk away from his car.

     “But I love you, Susie,” Jack pleaded, as he called, “and I KNOW you love me!

     “I promised to try to make my marriage work,” I said sadly, as I stopped and turned around to look at him for one last time, “so I’m trying!I responded with remorse.  “We joined a Baptist Church downtown!  Go back to San Francisco, Jack!” I said sharply, not really meaning it at all, but what could I do?  With my head down, I walked back into my house and closed the door.  I couldn’t stop the tears, as they flowed easily, once I was inside.

     How could I contain all of this sadness that was bottled up?  What was God expecting of me?

     So, Jack drove away and I never saw him again.

     Had I made a bad choice by letting him go?

     I was miserable beyond measure.  It was unbearable!

     Bob wouldn’t take me out.  No dancing or dinner or movies!  Nothing!

     I wanted to die!  End my life!  But, how?  I didn’t want to be a failure in this too!

     I was already worthless!

     That’s why I had given up after three-and-a-half years of our marriage and filed for divorce, which the counselor talked me out of.

     How was I going to endure now?

     Bob and I were working at the same envelope company in Los Angeles.  I was so thankful that my company had transferred me from San Francisco and gave him a job.  At least we weren’t homeless!

     Bob worked the swing shift, which was 3:30 p.m. to midnightI worked 7 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., so we took turns, taking care of Bobby.

     “Cough!” I shouted at Bobby, as I held him upside down and hit him on his back.  We had just left my work and he had swallowed a Life Saver Candy which had lodged in his throat and he was choking.  I had pulled over to the side of the road, grabbed him, jumped out of the car, turned him upside down, and pounded on the back, as I hollered at him to cough.  It finally dislodged and fell on the ground.  It scared both of us half to death! 

     “No more Life Saver Candy for Bobby!” I told Bob, when I picked him up at work that night, after I told him of it almost killing him.

     “We need to join the credit union,” Bob told me when we started to receive our paychecks, “so that we can have them keep out money from our checks every week, to save up for a house in Alabama.  We can drive back there to visit, again, this year.”

     “I don’t like going around broke all of the time,” I complained to Bob.

     “We have to save up all of the money that we can!” was his admonition.

     “You can work for me part-time,” the old jeweler who had a shop at the grocery store,” told me, when I inquired about his sign of “help wanted” in his window.

     “I love all of your necklaces,” I praised him.  “They are beautiful!”

     “Here, I’ll give you one,” he said, as her handed me the one I was looking at in the showcase.

     “Oh, I am so excited,” I said, as I put it on with a big smile.

     “Come in the back room,” he said, as he beckoned to me with his hand, after I had worked for him a couple of days.  “Put your hand on me,” he told me, after he had sat down and unzipped his pants and bared himself.

     I made myself touch him down there.  I knew that if I didn’t, he would fire me.  Then, I wouldn’t have spending money.  I just hated being broke all of the time!

     The next day, he wanted me to put my mouth on his private part.  I refused.  It was so repulsive and I didn’t care if he fired me or not.  So, it was a short-lived job.  The same pathetic thing happened to me when I was in fifth grade when my accordion teacher, dirty old man, made me put my hand on his private parts. I had told Mama, who told the police.  He had denied the whole thing, but it hit the Chico Enterprise Record newspaper.  At least other parents became aware of his preying on children.

     “Are you okay, Bobby?” I yelled, as I put my arm across his chest and slammed into the side of a car at Florence and Western.  He was two years old.  I was twenty-two.

     “Crash!” went my car, as it dragged the car a bit.

     “Yes, Mommy,” he answered through his sobs.  “I’m just scared!”

    “That car ran a red light!” I exclaimed, as I held him and cried.  “I’m so thankful that neither of us is hurt!”  I was on the curb lane of three lanes and had rushed the light as soon as it turned green during rush hour, after Bob brought Bobby to work and I was driving home.  The car had made it past five lanes of cross traffic, but mine was the sixth and I hadn’t seen it zooming through.

     “Is your car drivable?” the policeman asked me, after he had written up the accident report and cited the women for running a red light that I had broad-sided.

     “I don’t know,” I responded in tears, extremely shaken.  I got in to try.  The two cars had stayed that way since the crash.  “It starts, so I guess so,” I added after I turned the key on.  Somehow it was my fault when Bob heard the story and got angry at me.

     “The doctor said that I have to have my large tonsil that grew back removed,” I anxiously told Bob after my doctor appointment.  “He told me that it is the clogging my throat and is enflamed, causing my sore throats, colds, and earaches, too.

     “How are you doing?” Bob asked me when I came out from under the anesthesia of my second tonsillectomy, the first being 1950 and now 1962.

     “I have ringing in my ears,” I complained.

     “You’ll have to tell the doctor,” he suggested.

     “It’s ‘tinnitus.  It’s common,” the doctor informed me.  “I guess that a sinus was agitated.  You might always have the ringing.  Sometimes, it never goes away, but it might!” he added optimistically.

     “That’s great!” I told Bob when he came to visit me the next time at the hospital.  “I could have it forever!  I got rid of my huge tonsil and got ringing in my ears and head!”

     What could he say to calm me?  It’s NOT going to be okay!  It may NEVER go away!  And it NEVER has!  Was it the doctor’s fault/error?

     “I think that there is a growth in Bobby nose,” I told Bob, not too long after we had moved to Inglewood in 1962.

     “It is hamburger,” the doctor informed us, after we had taken him to emergency.

     “You can’t put stuff up your nose!” I came down on Bobby.  “You had me worried half to death that there was something wrong with you!”

     “There’s something wrong with Bobby’s left ear!  It looks clogged!I complained to his pediatrician, not long after that, when we took him in to examine him.  “Is it a tumor?” I asked.

     “It is a bean,” the doctor told us after he finally got it out with tweezers.

     “What’s with him, putting food in his nose and ears?” I asked.  “I’ve never heard of such a thing!”

     “You just have to watch him more closely,” he instructed us.

     “At least it isn’t a medical problem!” Bob said in relief, not even reprimanding Bobby.

     Andy, the man that we were renting our duplex from in Inglewood was really cute and nice, with blond hair and blue eyes.  His charisma really attracted me to him!

     “We don’t wear clothes in our house with our teenaged son and daughter,” he told me.  “We live free and don’t believe in clothes.  We’re nudists!”

     “I’ve never heard of such a thing, except Adam and Eve,” I challenged him.

     “Why not go to bed with me?he asked me, every opportunity he got.  I finally decided that maybe he could help me to not want to die.  Maybe I wouldn’t be so sad and possibly I would forget about my misery, so I eventually took him up on his propositions.

     Why not try anything to bring me out of my depression and to make me happy?

     But, it only made me more suicidal.  I felt that death would solve everything.  This would be the only solution to not be sad, anymore.

          Mama and Daddy were five hundred miles away.  Mary had moved back to ChicoBabe had married Stan and moved to Arizona.  I had no one, except Bobby.

     “All I want to do is go out to dance or to the movie or dinner or play games – anything to make life fun,” I told my neighbor.  She had a baby and always listened to me and tried to encourage me.  She was young and overwhelmed with her new baby from her loss of sleep and its crying all of the time.

      All of the men that I worked with were extremely nice to me.  One by one, I met with them and went to bed with them.  Each time, I thought that this would bring me out of my slump, but each time, it made me feel even worse.  “Why do I have to keep living,” was my cry.

     “You stay away from my boyfriend!” she hollered at me, as she grabbed my arm and dragged me into her house.  This was one of the guys from work who had given me his address, so I went to his house.  The woman had answered the door and I had asked for the guy.  After she had started to beat me up, hitting me several times, I had wrenched out of her grip and ran out the door, losing one of my shoes.  I never got it back, but at least she didn’t kill me.  I think that she would have, if I hadn’t gotten away – with me life, even.

     Another guy was older and nice.  He always stopped and bought me candy and pop or whatever I wanted to eat, then went to a motel.  He would then drop me at my car, where I had parked it to meet him.  When I got out of the passenger door one time, I closed his car door on my left thumb and it got caught in the door jam.  He had to unlock and open the car door before I could get my thumb out.  My thumbnail turned black and it finally grew out.  My nail still breaks easily, as it grows out – there’s always a snag that has to be emeryed every couple of days.  Still!

    “I have to go to San Francisco, do you want to come with me?” one of the guys at work asked me.  He was so charming.  “It will be for a couple of days,” he invited.

     “I would love to,” I said it with so much excitement, my glee was uncontainable!  This would make me happy!!

     “Do you need a ride?” a nice old man offered me, who was sitting beside me on my flight back from my wonderful trip to San Francisco which was like a fantastic dream.

    “Oh, that is so nice of you,” I said with a big smile.

     “Why are you stopping here,” I asked him, as he stopped at a motel in North Hollywood.  I should have known he had ulterior motives.  I refused to even go in.

     “Come on,” he encouraged me, as he got out of his car.  “We can kick back and have something to eat.”  He checked in.  Then, he told me that we could eat in the room.

      He tried to force himself on me and I refused.  I was so grateful that he was going to give me a ride from LAX to Inglewood, that I finally agreed to let him take nude pictures of me.  I didn’t have the slightest idea that there was a huge porno ring, so my pictures are probably out there somewhere.

     He finally took me home.

     Why do I trust old men?  They always end up being “dirty old men.”

     Why did I let my true love Jack go?  Why didn’t I divorce Bob and marry him?

     In three years, after arriving in Los Angeles in January 1961, I had slept with almost every man at work.

     I even slept with the gas station attendant.  “Do you want to go home with me to Hawaii for a week?” he asked me.

     “I would love to!  I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii!” I said, so excited at the thought of going, I couldn’t stand the ecstasy.  This would finally make me happy!

     In November 1964, I went with him to Hawaii for a week, telling Bob that I was going on a tour.  He knew I was miserable and depressed, so he let me go.  We had thousands of dollars saved up in the credit union, so Bob could move us to Alabama and buy a house.  That was the last thing I wanted to do!  At least Mama and Daddy were coming to visit me every year and I was still faithful to them to go to Chico for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I most certainly did NOT want to give up the most important thing in my life – MY PARENTS and family!

     “I want to stay here in Hawaii!” I told my gas station attendant boyfriend.  “I don’t want to go back to Los Angeles!  Only thing is, my son is four years old.  If I didn’t have him, I would stay in HawaiiEveryone is always so happy here!  I love it.”

     So, I went back to my UNHAPPY life in Inglewood!

     “Can we PLEASE go to see Mad Mad Mad Mad World?” I begged Bob when the movie had come out.  “It has forty-six actors and is supposed to be the funniest movie ever!”

     “Yes,” he finally agreed after several days of my begging.  We laughed through the whole movie!

     “This is my most favorite movie ever!” I exclaimed.  I still love it!

     “I got you!” I hollered to Bobby as he his legs started to slide out of the passenger door.  I woman had broad-sided me, as she pulled out of the carwash on La Brea Blvd.  My passenger door had flown open and was coming back to close on Bobby’s body.

     I pulled Bobby back onto the passenger seat and across to me and hugged him.

     “Oh, are you okay?” the rich lady squealed, as she jumped out of her plush car, after she had hit my car.

     “Just all shook up!” I said in disarray and jitters.  Bobby and I were both crying.  He was almost four and I was twenty-four.  Again, another citation for the other driver!

     “I forgot to look again to see if any traffic was coming, after checking the other way,” she had told me.

     “I want to go to a Women’s Bible Study,” I told Margie, my neighbor lady.  “Would you keep Bobby for me while I go?” I asked her.  Her daughter, Bonnie, was a senior in high school.  She and her mom really liked Bobby.  Who wouldn’t like a cute four year old boy with my dark brown eyes and dimples like his dad?

     “Bobby was bouncing on my bed,” Margie explained to me, when I returned and saw a big bandage on the back of his head, “and hit his head on my headboard!  It busted the skin open and it bled, but I cleaned and doctored it, so it’s okay now,” she added.

    A month later, on New Year’s Eve 1964, I was kissing all of the men at work with my mistletoe.  I gave this cute guy named Walt from the office of the envelope factory a New Year’s kiss.  I melted in his arms.  He was the Office Manager.  He had been eying me going out of his way to say “hi” to me every time he would come into the plant, ever since he started working there the week before.  We were instantly attracted to each other!

     “Hi,” he would say, several times each day, as he made excuses to come into the plant.

     “Hi!” I would respond, as I ran over to greet him each time.

     “You shouldn’t be working out here in the factory,” he sympathized to me, the next week.  “Do you know how to type and do math?”

     “I type eighty-five words per minute and one of my majors was math,” I informed him.

     Within a week, I was working in the accounting department of his office and sleeping with him.  Madly love!  He loved me!  And I surely loved him!  He even knew how to make exotic drinks!  But, he only had a couple each time I would see him.  I had never even tasted any alcoholic drink, so he would put a splash Kahlua in milk with ice.  It tasted so good.  He liked gin and tonic, so brought all of this to my apartment.

     “What a kiss will do!” Bob criticized, when I told him I had a New Year’s kiss with Walt and that I wanted a divorce, so I could marry him.  I got my neighbor lady that had the baby to be my witness in court of how miserable I was with Bob and not wanting to live.

     Bob hired the most expensive divorce attorney in Los Angeles, using money he had in the credit union that was saved up for his Alabama house, but I still got my divorce.  Then, he went and bought a brand new yellow Lincoln Continental car.  My share would go to keep a roof over Bobby’s and my heads, because the court ordered $50.00 child support would hardly be enough.  I couldn’t even afford to have my ’49 Ford rewired when the wiring wore out, so Bob did that in place of child support.  That’s why we didn’t “have a life!”  All of Bob’s his time had been on rebuilding his car engine and grinding valves on his Dodge.  And fiberglassing a boat!  I know how to do both of those things, because I was TRYING to make my marriage work.

     “My divorced husband just tore the distributor cap out of my car so that I can’t leave with my belongings and my son,” I told the police department.

     “You have to put it back in and have the car running,” they told him, as they stood there and watched Bob put it back in and get it running.

     I was free!  But, it was another thing to get Walt to marry me.  He had been stationed in Japan three times on duty and met a girl.  When he was discharged, he went back and got her, brought her home, and married her.

     “I came home early from an audit in Santa Barbara,” he had told me, “and found her in bed with another guy.  I have a chapter 13 bankruptcy to pay off our debt, so can’t afford to get married.  I don’t even want to ever be married again,” he added.

     Why get a divorce, if I can’t get married to Walt?

     I became miserable and suicidal again!

     I started to sleep with the guys in the plant again.  I was allergic to Walt’s smoking, so I wondered if I had even made a good decision.

     Should I start smoking?  Maybe I wouldn’t be allergic, then?

     WRONG!

     I was in the hospital with bronchitis within a couple of months!  They would put a mask with mist in it on my face to breathe.  After a week in the hospital, I had to go back for out-patient three times weekly.  With moist lungs, after the breathing treatment, as soon as I got outside, I would light up a Paxton which is a menthol cigarette that came in a plastic case of twenty.  I saved all of the plastic containers on my kitchen sink counter of at least 100, probably much more!

     Things got worse!

     “Bobby bit the teacher,” I heard the principal say on the other end of the line.

     “You can’t be bad at school,” I told Bob, as I took his pants down, turned him over my knee, and spanked him with my hairbrush, bringing welts, but not bleeding.  “I have to spank you so that you will be good at school,” I told him.

     “Bobby kicked me,” the principal told me on the phone the next week.  Another spanking!

     I had turned Bobby’s wonderful world upside down and he now hated everyone including me, except his dad, who I had taken away from him.  He did get to see every weekend, because of the court agreement, but during the week was Hell!

     But…..Bob had gone to a dating service and met Anita, who hated Bobby.  Her son was two years older than Bobby.  They would tell lies on Bobby to his dad.  Now, Bobby’s father was torn between Bobby and his new wife, who he had married as soon as our divorce was final!

     Now, I had turned Bobby’s world into a nightmare, which he STILL hasn’t come out of!  And he still has extreme hatred toward me, smart-mouth, and no respect.

     Could things get worse?

     “I joined PTA,” I told Mama on the phone, after complaining bitterly to her about Bobby’s problems.  “Parents and teachers meet once a month.  I volunteered to make your famous pumpkin pie in the loaf pan.  I’ll let you know how they like it.  I’m bringing a can of whipped cream, too!”

     “I know how you love my pie,” Mama said.  She sounded so pleased that I was sharing her gift of the pumpkin pie.

     “When we go to Bobby’s school, I was closing the car door after we got out.  The pumpkin the pie fell out of my hands and went upside down on the grass,” I moaned to Mama on the phone, after returning from the PTA meeting.  “I had to go to the grocery store and buy two pies, because that was the dessert for the coffee time.”

     “There will be another time,” Mama reminded me.  And there was!    

     “I’m two weeks late on my period!  I have morning sickness!  I’m pregnant!” I cried to my doctor.  “I’ve just divorced!  My son is fours old!  I don’t even know who the father is!  I am so depressed, that I want to kill myself!  If I knew I would succeed, I would! I wept.

     “Come back after 6 p.m. and I will do a D&Cto scrape your uterus,” my doctor told me, as he tried to assure me.  “Everything will work out okay and you will be fine!” he added.  “I’ll see you at 6!”

     Abortions were against the law, so he could have lost his license, but he had pity on me!

     Did I learn my lesson?

     NO!!

     I turned right back around and got pregnant again.  And, again, I didn’t know who the father was!

     “I can’t keep doing this,” my doctor told me, when I went weeping to him again.  “I won’t do another ‘D&C!’

     I left his office, still crying.

     Bob picked up Bobby for the weekend.

     “I sat down on my bed, used a mirror to be able to see down there, and took a crochet hook, put it up into me, and moved it all around, and tried to dislodge the baby,” I told the emergency room doctor after I started to hemorrhage and my fever escalated.

     “I did a ‘D&C,’” my doctor told me, after they called him to the hospital and he worked on me.  “You’re lucky you didn’t damage your uterus and have to have it removed!  Don’t go and get pregnant anymore!” he admonished me, like I was a disobedient child.  “You could die next time!”

     “I do want to die!” I told him through my tears.  “I am so unhappy!”

     AT LEAST I HAD ENOUGH BRAINS TO NOT GET PREGNANT AGAIN!!

     “Your Mom and I joined the Convalescent Hospital bowling League,” Daddy told me on the phone.  “I’m a natural.  We bowl every week!  Why don’t you start bowling?” Daddy suggested.  “I know you are raising a son, now, by yourself and you need to get active somehow.  Bowling would be good!” he added.

     “I am taking lessons for free from a 300-bowler at the bowling alley that’s right by our house,” I told Daddy on the phone, the next week.  “I bought a gray ball with bright pink swirls and a bowling bag and shoes.  I’m going to join a bowling league, too.”

     “That’s great!” Daddy rejoiced, as he handed the phone to Mama, when she heard his excited voice and came to see what he was so happy about.

     “I’m pleasingly surprised!” Mama exclaimed in my ear.

     “Me too, Mommy!” I responded, as tears flooded my eyes.  “I miss you and Daddy so much!”

     In 1968, my conscience had had it.  I decided to obey God.

     “I want to get married or split up.  God is making my life miserable because I am living in sin!” I proclaimed to Walt one weekend, when he had come over to my apartment and Bobby was at his dad’s.  “I’ve been going with you for over three years and we are STILL NOT married!  1968 has rolled around and my conscience is not letting up on me!  We always get along fine!  You even taught me how to do the Watusi in the nude!  You love to dance and so did I!  Let’s get married!”

    “I will never get married again!” he frowned, as his words pierced the air and he stormed out.

     “Okay,” Walt said on the phone, after a week in his anger and resolution, “when do you want to us to get married?”

     “I want to go to Acapulco for our honeymoon,” I informed him. “How long will it take to save up for that?”

     “I will have to sell my German Lugar pistol to have enough money!  It has all matched part numbers, so is worth a lot!  November 3 is a good date,” he said, after he had done some figuring.

     “And I want an engagement ring,” I requested in fear that he would change his mind.

     “Okay,” he said.  And hung up!

     Would Walt marry me?  What was I in for?

Chapters

13

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
HarperCollins Wrote

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not is a tour de force of a memoir. It’s the powerful story of a girl called Myra who is born into a violent home – a world filled with incest, paedophilia and violence.

Gulick opens her story with a surreal, dreamlike sequence of a mother in labour on an icy lake. The story’s beginning, set before Myra’s earliest memories, has the feeling of a myth, slightly removed from reality. It’s the strange, dark prehistory of Myra’s life and a vivid opening to the book.

As the narrative of Myra’s life progresses, the author skilfully adapts her writing to match. The dark, surreal language of the pre-life era morphs imperceptibly into the sunny, childlike prose of Myra’s early years. In later years this becomes a clear, matter-of-fact style, occasionally harsh and grating, reflecting Myra’s adult life and the new hardships she faces. This is exceptional writing.

Myra’s upbringing is a compelling mix of sweet and sour. Her cheerfulness – which is only matched by the cheerfulness of her mother and siblings – coexists with the dark side of her heritage. Generations of incest, violence, paedophilia and infant mortality lie hidden beneath every idyllic sunny day. These elements threaten to explode at every twist of the tale – and sometimes do, with dark consequences.

The strength of this story is Susie’s likeability and strength. She inherits this, it seems, from generations of strong women before her, and passes it on to her children in the same way. It’s satisfying to see the dark past linked intensely and movingly with the present.

However, the deeply personal, self-contained nature of this story means it will not be taken under consideration for publication at this time.

Although the story is highly readable and genuinely endearing, this is Susie’s personal story. It can never be anyone else’s. For this reason, sadly, we will have to pass on it. But this should not, under any circumstances, put a damper on Susie’s writing, which is graceful, heart-warming and unique.

SusieGulick wrote 1254 days ago

I've begun reading Susie Guilick's "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not - Book I. Don't let the itemized list of tragedies in the pitch discourage you. Pitches are tough to write, especially for a modest author - simple advice to authors, avoid lists in the pitch. This is true for Susie Guilick, especially as the narrative in her memoir immediately transports readers to a wholly different mindset. The author's writing style is clean and engaging, and most important, accessible to readers across a spectrum of ages.

The memoir leans heavily on terrible events, which batter the lives of the characters. A reader wonders if everything in the memoir can be true. Realistically, the trials are all packed into a full, if not pleasant life. The challenges are like Job's labors and coping with them layer a Christian theme on the memoir. At first, I was a dissuaded by the emphasis on the love for Jesus, but again, the narrative is much deeper and the proclamation is necessary, for the sake of sanity and humanity in this memoir. Susie Guilick is a wonderful storyteller. The author catches the attention of the reader and holds it with a pattern of emotional "highs" and "lows."

Matthew Sawyer - author of the Pazuzu Trilogy
November, 2010



Dear Matthew,

I am so happy to hear from you & that you commented on my book. :) I notice that you have no books on your shelf. To back books: In "my news," click on author's name which will bring up their profile page, on which you scroll down & click on their book cover & title, which will bring up their book. :) Over to the right, you'll see ******-rating, so click on the right star & then click on "read the book" which will bring it to your bookshelf & you will see it. :) On top left of your screen, click "me" & it will bring you back to where you started. :) Let me know if I can help more. :)

With pleasure, I read, commented on, ******-rated, & put your book on watchlist, to back when space opens on my bookshelf. :)

I am totally amazed at your beautiful heartfelt review of my story which I wrote from my heart with a lot of crying, feelings, & prayer & the underlying message that God loves me in spite of myself & my bad choices. :)

Thank you so very much for taking all of the time for me & for your encouraging word & feedback. :)

Love, Susie :)
p.s. hope you ******-rated my book :) - every ******-ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :)

Hunter A wrote 1313 days ago

This particular quick review will not address editing, the nature of foreshadowing used at the end of each chapter or the use of capitalizations for emphasis (after all, who am I to say?).
He Love Me, He Loves Me Not--a Memior by Susie Gulick
This work of 134,000 plus words is a remarkable piece of work in my view for a number of reasons. First, it is mostly done in dialog--it is astounding recall by the author, it quickly brings the reader into hard human life in America--so hard, and it is non-stop. I question whether I can possibly do it justice. The answer is that I cannot, however, I will attempt to capture the book(s) as best that I can.
It is a story of human life, human tragedy, human mistakes and inhuman people close to her. It is a story of one's search for joy against a stereotype perhaps formed early in life out of neccessity--I will not decipher this element any more than that. It was as if every time there was a little bit of happiness or joy for the children early in the memoir, something terrible would rise up to claim it away. For me it was a study of a family who had virtually nothing in the forties and fifties but most somehow managed to survive and at least grow into better physical surroundings--but emotionally were being injured on meeting new people (or employers) and the pain although a different kind, did not stop. The sixties in my view is a glimpse into the so-called sexual revolution many people participated in I suppose, and the author relates the era in such a way that many of us may interpret as cold and best forgotten.
Toward the eighties, nineties and through today, the reader can feel the history of this person and how it still affects her--when inhuman actions are taken against another, there are always lasting effects and I sense that here. It is a labor intensive work and I admire the author for sticking to it. It is easy to cry in chapter one and nurse a headache for the confused actions being revealed in later chapters.
I highly recommend the book. My preference would be to combine it all into one and use the richness of the prose in book two in one title--but that's just me and again, I am hardly qualified to fully appreciate the all this author has given us--she does give us everything.

Hunter Ayers
September, 2010

SusieGulick wrote 1361 days ago

To Suzie Q

Firstly can I apologise for my late response to you and a considerable number of other Authonomy writers. Unfortunately - when duty calls and all that jazz1
I'm truly bowled over by your comments on my book, The Contractor. To have you describe it as the 'best one on Authonomy' gives my confidence a terrific boost and I'm sure you can understand the need for confidence. I'm planning a sequel to The Contractor which is where confidence is needed as I'm finding it even more difficult to write than The Contractor. Here's me thinking it would be easier. The Contractor has taken me over two years and I know I have a load of work yet to do..

For someone only 5' tall, you sure pack a real punch with your writing lady. I'm going to admit to something on paper that I would not do on a face to face interview. When I read some of the passages in your books, I had a lump in my throat and for that to happen to me takes a lot of doing.

It's not fashionable these days to carry your love of Jesus Christ as open as you do, but it's something I admire.
Some people will tell you that they only turned to Jesus, many soldiers included, when badly wounded or when all appeared to be lost.

I'm delighted to back you ten times over and that's because I 'm sure I'm backing at least one 'best seller.'

Frank James (The Contractor)



Dear James,

I am so happy that you took the time for me, to read, back, & comment on my memoir book, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :)

I loved your book & know that you will do well on your next one. :)

From my heart, I wrote my story with a lot of tears, feelings, & prayter - God loves me in spite of myself & my bad choices - & I never give up. :)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your kind reflections. :)

Love, Susie :)
p.s. Hope you'll take a moment to back my other memoir book, "Tell Me True Love Stories." :) Thanks. :)

JohnnyVee wrote 1367 days ago

Came to read your two books as requested and got merrily slapped in the face and dragged inside. My wholly positive comment and eager backing are the same for both books. Memoirs, or even `tales` of human living and suffering will always engage readers because it is good `story` which matters; and you have suffering (good story) in droves. To that end, you’re already off to a flying start. But that’s not the main player here. It’s your wonderful voice. You carry a certain fresh naivety in your tone which captivates - and I mean that in a completely positive way. A naivety which grips reader and pulls him through the `story` - the `suffering` - It’s a page turner. Good luck with this!

Jane Law wrote 274 days ago

Hi I just read up to Chap13. Your book begins well but then it becomes kinds repetitive. I decided it was because it lacks humour and you don't show much insight into what's going on. Can't quite put my finger on it but left me feeling very dissatisfied with the writer. Sorry but that's me being honest. Jane

ibholdvictory wrote 671 days ago

Touching Account, Bet this book will inspire and strengthen your readers. God Loves you more.

ibholdvictory wrote 671 days ago

Touching Account, Bet this book will inspire and strengthen your readers. God Loves you more.

strachan gordon wrote 975 days ago

I must say I found this tremendously sad reading , to the extent that it was very difficult to finish the first chapter.But , of course , it is amazing that you are still here . I dont know as yet whether you have found your Knight in Shining Armour. I don't know if you have the time , but I wonder if you would be able to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is about Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes , Strachan Gordon

John Doney wrote 991 days ago

I haven't been on here for a while due to other things and just read what Harper Collins wrote about your book. What they've said is very true but one thing they haven't added is how brave you are to have done it. It takes a lot for someone to expose their life like this. I've been writing another book that documents my adventures over the last year and some things are hard to write about and within your book you've tackled a lot of complicated things and I just wanted to say how proud you should feel of being voted by everybody and getting to the top slot on this site.
I hope somewhere will find this book and help you get your story told to even more people.
All the best, John.

John Doney wrote 991 days ago

I haven't been on here for a while due to other things and just read what Harper Collins wrote about your book. What they've said is very true but one thing they haven't added is how brave you are to have done it. It takes a lot for someone to expose their life like this. I've been writing another book that documents my adventures over the last year and some things are hard to write about and within your book you've tackled a lot of complicated things and I just wanted to say how proud you should feel of being voted by everybody and getting to the top slot on this site.
I hope somewhere will find this book and help you get your story told to even more people.
All the best, John.

Cheri Moffitt wrote 1077 days ago

What a wild ride this one is!! I just tore through six chapters and look forward to coming back for more...

SusieGulick wrote 1106 days ago

So in other words, real stories no too personal too close to the bone forget it... we go for the garbage..
Good stuff Susie this site is crap and there is no reason to aim for the editor's desk.
A dog could give a better review ~



Dear John,

Afterthought on my response to your comment on my memoirs/testimony book, "He Loves Me" is that I was only wanting their review and was not trying to get published by HarperCollins because, what is the statistics on what I heard that they have only published 7 books since authonomy has been on the web for 3 years? :) I am totally pleased that God gave me grace, mercy, & favor in their sight & gave me a wonderful review - better than I ever dreamt or imagined. :)

I am still extremely sick as I'm sure you've read on my profile page & am only answering messages, so barely on authonomy. :) I'm not able to finish my 2nd book, "Bible Verse Songs" which I put on authonomy 3-1-11 that I'd been writing down Bible verses over the past year that have been put to song & I made it like a hymnal :) - Campus Crusade & Youth For Christ, when I was growing up had a similar booklet with choruses' words without the music. :) It has gone from 4080 to 2075 from the editor's desk. :)

Love, Susie :)

SusieGulick wrote 1116 days ago

So in other words, real stories no too personal too close to the bone forget it... we go for the garbage..
Good stuff Susie this site is crap and there is no reason to aim for the editor's desk.
A dog could give a better review ~



Dear John,

Thank you for taking the time for me & sending me your comment on "He Loves Me." :) To be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk was my last goal because I've achieved all my other goals & am now old & sick which I'm sure you've read in my profile page, with my only strength being in the Lord. :)

I just re-read your submission & was again thankful that I don't work in mines & have the same conclusion that I'd try to escape. :) I also checked to be sure that I had gold-******-rated your book. :)

Thanks again. :)

Love, Susie :)

polymatrixdragon wrote 1116 days ago

So in other words, real stories no too personal too close to the bone forget it... we go for the garbage..
Good stuff Susie this site is crap and there is no reason to aim for the editor's desk.
A dog could give a better review ~

SusieGulick wrote 1116 days ago

Hi Susie
Havn't been on the site in a while but delighted to see you got a review but equally sad that they didn't want to publish. I think you should go to a publisher who specialises in 'misery memoirs' now you have a good review under your belt. Don't stop now xx



Dear Christine,

It is so nice of you to take the time to send me your best wishes. :)

I went to your page & don't see your book - did you get it published? :) It's not there.

I notice you have my "He Loves Me" memoirs/testimony book on your shelf. :)

Hope you'll put my new book, "Bible Verse Songs" on your shelf, too. :) I put it on authonomy 3-1-11. :)

Thanks so much for writing to me. :)

Love, Susie :)

indigoadventures wrote 1116 days ago

Hi Susie
Havn't been on the site in a while but delighted to see you got a review but equally sad that they didn't want to publish. I think you should go to a publisher who specialises in 'misery memoirs' now you have a good review under your belt. Don't stop now xx

SusieGulick wrote 1116 days ago

I can't imagine a comment from a so-called professional reviewer being less relevant and as entirely useless and unhelpful as that! It's an absolute disgrace and makes me feel genuinely sorry for all the time and effort that you put into the writing and the process of getting to the Ed's desk. If anything proves how wasteful and heartbreaking this actually can turn out to be, then this is it! Shame on HP and their miserable, blinkered and narrow-minded staff!



Dear Vanessa,

Thank you for taking the time for me. :)

God bless you. :)

Love, Susie :)

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1116 days ago

I can't imagine a comment from a so-called professional reviewer being less relevant and as entirely useless and unhelpful as that! It's an absolute disgrace and makes me feel genuinely sorry for all the time and effort that you put into the writing and the process of getting to the Ed's desk. If anything proves how wasteful and heartbreaking this actually can turn out to be, then this is it! Shame on HP and their miserable, blinkered and narrow-minded staff!

Orlando Furioso wrote 1117 days ago

Greetings, thankyou for making your HC review public. I read it with great interest. You worked hard to get that review.

My observation on the review is this: I am puzzled why the reviewer concludes that the personal nature of your story precludes it from publication. It is after all a personal recollection, so clearly it is self-contained and no one else's story. That is the nature of all biography and all of HC's True Life brand is it not?

I sincerely hope their comments on your story and writing style may help you to arouse interest elsewhere.

Ron Askew

SusieGulick wrote 1129 days ago

The sensitivity of the mother was beautiful. Their poverty tragic as was their fear of Byron Sr. This was unbelievability good writing and raw and real and... did I say good? This was so smooth and flowed so well - your talent is obvious.
The only part I'd criticize, if I were forced to find something, would be the dialogue when Byron was lost in ch 1. It didn't seem as natural as it did everywhere else.
Oh, and I love the songs and her sayings are great.
I've read through chapter - whew those are long chapters. Great hook for the end of ch 2.
- lisa



Dear Lisa,

It was so nice of you to read & back my memoirs/testimony book. :) It was chosen on the editor's desk March 1, 2011, but my other book, "Bible Verse Songs" is 2813 from the editor's desk if you could back it for me instead. :)

You are amazing that you commented on, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not," too. :) Thank you for your encouraging words & suggestions. :) I appreciate your taking the time for me. :)

Love, Susie :)

lterry wrote 1129 days ago

The sensitivity of the mother was beautiful. Their poverty tragic as was their fear of Byron Sr. This was unbelievability good writing and raw and real and... did I say good? This was so smooth and flowed so well - your talent is obvious.
The only part I'd criticize, if I were forced to find something, would be the dialogue when Byron was lost in ch 1. It didn't seem as natural as it did everywhere else.
Oh, and I love the songs and her sayings are great.
I've read through chapter - whew those are long chapters. Great hook for the end of ch 2.
- lisa

SusieGulick wrote 1142 days ago

did HC Publish your work?

Andrew Doyle



Dear Andrew,

Thanks so much for your help & caring. :) I am backing books in order, so I will come to yours, in case you are wondering. :)

It takes about a month for authonomy to review books after they are chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk & that's all it is - they read the 1st 10,000 words & give a review. :) Someone told me that they have only published 6 books since they started almost 3 years ago, any chances are totally slim, but I really did want the review because I have nothing else to live for & it was my last goal, because I'm so sick & I am only still going with God's strength. :) I did put my new book, "Bible Verse Songs" on because it was a snap since I had been started the list ages ago & kept adding & still am & just needed to enter them, but authonomy made me rewrite it twice & hopefully it's acceptable, but it's just the Bible verses & stanzas & not the song words - I was just trying to bless people around the world that know the songs, many since I was little, but don't know the references, so could look them up or sing from the ones I remembered. :)

Love, Susie :)

andrew DOYLE wrote 1142 days ago

did HC Publish your work?

Andrew Doyle

SusieGulick wrote 1146 days ago

I really like your story's premise and the intensity of all the trauma as well as the inspiration and motivation that emerges as a result of it. well done!



Dear Arlynn,

It's so nice of you taking the time to comment on my memoirs/testimony book, "He Loves Me." :) Thank you for your most encouraging word. :)

I put a 2nd book on authonomy 2 days ago, "Bible Songs," if you want to look at it, too. :)

I was totally blessed reading your 2 books & have gold ******-rated, read, commented on them. :)

Love, Susie :)

Kairi wrote 1146 days ago

I really like your story's premise and the intensity of all the trauma as well as the inspiration and motivation that emerges as a result of it. well done!

SusieGulick wrote 1146 days ago

Hello Susie, This is written with a great deal of courage and heart and I wish you every success with it. I have placed it on my shelf with a high star rating.
If you can find the time, I would really appreciate it if you could take a look at either of my two books. Thank you.

Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM



Dear Phyllis,

It was so nice of you to ******, back & comment on my book, "He Loves Me" - I just put another book on, "Bible Songs" & hope you'll ****** & back it, too. :)

With pleasure I read & commented on your 1st book, "A Passing Storm" 254 days ago & just read & commented on your delightful Katie story, "Paper Dreams" & am hoping for a happy ending. :) I have also gold ******-rated both of your books. :)

Love, Susie :)

SusieGulick wrote 1146 days ago

Sussie, I have read a few chapters of your book and find your story engaging and well written. Keep it up and congratulations.
Matthew Uzukwu, author of Women of Steel.



Dear Matthew,

I am so happy to hear from you & that you backed & commented on my memoirs/testimony book, "He Loves Me." :)

With pleasure, I read & commented on your heart-rending story of the southeastern Nigerian women & love that you have share it with the world :) - I had no idea anything like this happened, so I am most thankful for your sharing. :)

I have a new book, "Bible Songs How I Remember Them," if you want to ****** & back it. :) Thank you. :)

Love, Susie :)

andrew DOYLE wrote 1147 days ago

Suzie,
I have just purchased my first copy of The Lost Monks of Avalon.....

after all the anguish, trials and tribulations, and of course some negativity from some, but not all...

http://sbpra.com/andrewdaviddoyle

Andrew David Doyle

Bridget Dunn wrote 1148 days ago

Congrats on making the ED. If anyone deserves to have their story in print, it is you. I hope it all works out for you.

Bridget

Concettah wrote 1149 days ago

Congratulations on being selected Susie :) best of luck to you! God Bless.
Concetta

SusieGulick wrote 1149 days ago

Hello Susie, This is written with a great deal of courage and heart and I wish you every success with it. I have placed it on my shelf with a high star rating.
If you can find the time, I would really appreciate it if you could take a look at either of my two books. Thank you.

Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM



Dear Phyllis,

Thank you so very much for taking the time for me & for gold ******-rating & backing & commenting on my memoirs/testimony book. :) Yes, I wrote my true story from my heart with a lot of emotions & prayer & with the underlying thread that God loves me in spite of myself. :)

I will be reading & commenting on your book this week & backing it when space opens on my bookshelf. :)

Love, Susie :)

SusieGulick wrote 1149 days ago

As I am new to commenting on this site, I wanted to read some of the top rated books. I am sorry but I read your book to Chapter 6, and where I am sure people find the content shocking or moving, this is a writers' site. The writing is in my opinion rather poor and stilted, and is all content and no style. However, you have worked well to reach the desk. Good luck.



Dear Judge Jeffreys,

Thank you for taking the time for my true life verbatim story. :)

Love, Susie :)

Judge Jeffreys wrote 1149 days ago

As I am new to commenting on this site, I wanted to read some of the top rated books. I am sorry but I read your book to Chapter 6, and where I am sure people find the content shocking or moving, this is a writers' site. The writing is in my opinion rather poor and stilted, and is all content and no style. However, you have worked well to reach the desk. Good luck.

Phyllis Burton wrote 1149 days ago

Hello Susie, This is written with a great deal of courage and heart and I wish you every success with it. I have placed it on my shelf with a high star rating.
If you can find the time, I would really appreciate it if you could take a look at either of my two books. Thank you.

Phyllis
PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM

Amobi wrote 1150 days ago

Sussie, I have read a few chapters of your book and find your story engaging and well written. Keep it up and congratulations.
Matthew Uzukwu, author of Women of Steel.

Amobi wrote 1150 days ago

I have read a few chapters and find the story engaging and well written. Congratulations.
Matthew.

marcoslee wrote 1151 days ago

Congratulations, Susie, you're amazing. You've told your story from the heart, like everything else you say and do, have persisted and won over the whole community. And, thanks for being into Revolution or Extinction. Mark Lee Krangle

SusieGulick wrote 1151 days ago

I only read the first three chapters of books on this site as there are so many to comment on.

You write good dialog and that the characters speak with their own voice; that the prose is well structured.

However, I found that you repeated and over used certain words. For example, you use the word 'Shack' three times the first paragraph and a half and over use such phrases as 'he answered' and 'he said'.

Pace felt a little quick. I was looking for more description and a little more 'show' than 'tell' ; some space for the characters to breathe also

Also, like many books on here after three chapters I should have a sense of the story and I don't. You are obviously talented with a concise style but this should serve the story/narrative which is central.

There's a good book in here but it needs puffing up and editing a little.

Good luck



Dear R.J.,

I am so happy to hear from you & that you commented on my memoirs/testimony book :) - if you backed it, it didn't come through - could you please try again because I have been trying for almost a year to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk & was #4 on 1-1-11, but 2 people passed me, pushing me out to #6, so I didn't get chosen January 31 - I am now #1 & need a lot of backings to anchor me in so that I don't slide out again & so that I can be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk February 28. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. :)

With pleasure, I spent a long time reading & commenting on your adventurous Jacob & Angelika story. :) I hope you will write many more exciting books. :)

I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs/testimony book in return? :)

It was so very nice of you to take the time for me & to send me all of your feedback :) - I really appreciate it :) - I think I have an editor & publisher, now, because I am so very ill to do anything on it, as you probably read on my profile page & my last goal in life is to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk. :)

I would really appreciate your help. :)

Love, Susie :)
p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing more than 24 hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up, per authonomy's new rules 2010 :) - on your profile page in "my news," click on author's name & when their profile page comes up, scroll down & click on their book cover or title & their book will come up & over to the right is "my rating" with 6 silver ******-s under & if your click the far right *, they will all turn gold, then, click on "back the book"

SusieGulick wrote 1151 days ago

Your story is one of sorrow but I can see that through your love of God you have grown as a person. Your book will definitely make the editor's desk and I will back this book until you succeed. Thank you for commenting on my book also. I look forward to more of your work, and hope that you book will be published :)



Dear Andrew,

I am so happy to hear from you & that you commented on & backed my memoirs/testimony book :) - you're wonderful to keep it on your shelf to help me. :)

With pleasure, I read & commented on your honest-to-God view of the world. :) You make me smile. :)

I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs/testimony book, too? :)

Thank you so much very much for taking the time for me & for your encouraging me in the Lord. :) Yes, a lot of tears went into my true story with underlying thread that God loves me in spite of myself :) - he loves much who is forgiven much. :)

Love, Susie :)
p.s. try to get another fast moving green arrow book in your open space of your shelf so that your book will move even faster to the editor's desk - don't choose red arrows or they'll bring you down - unless, of course, mine gets a red arrow - I'll be screaming, "help!!" & be able to be heard all the way to China :)

SusieGulick wrote 1151 days ago

I love the way Susie hits the reader straight between the eyes: Yes! I got raped! Was that the price of dinner? (Chp15). A story that might exhaust more delicate readers with its relentless energy and drama.



Dear Phil,

It is so nice of you to comment on my memoirs/testimony book. :) It was extremely traumatic to write my true story, which I wrote in 1997 & then kept re-writing & lots more emotions each time, through a lot of writing seminars & writing classes until I finally finished a year ago & got it on authonomy. :) I'm so glad that I have not given up when I'm so ill & am finally from of 6000 away from the editor's desk to #1 & I'll happier if I can stay in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) It's from my reading & commenting on thousands of books when it's hard to even sit here, but God helped me & I've almost made it, hopefully. :)

Thank you for taking the time for me & for giving me such high encouraging words. :)

Love, Susie :)
p.s. Why not try to add 3 fast moving green arrow books onto your bookshelf, so you'll go from #4045 red arrow to green arrows & to #1 :) - I've seen within a month, like Malika who is on my bookshelf :) - she was #1083 on 2-2-11 &is now #28, only 24 days later. :)

kcwilson wrote 1152 days ago

"She rushed about in a dither!"

I fell into this story right away and felt comfortable with the narrator until this sentence struck me as one that foreshadowed chattiness, maybe, or some form of excess over economy. Just a little flare went up in my mind, that's all. But it made me realize that anyone reading your story to the end must make a commitment. You require that of a reader and that kind of confidence is hard to turn away from. But the end of your life story is a long way off and before I commit to reading about you from the time you were born, maybe you could ease me into the tale with a little introduction. It's just my initial feeling that your narrator is wound up tighter than Dick's hatband and trying hard not to sound other than spontaneous. That pitch-perfect volubility may prove difficult to sustain. I think it's all a matter of striking the right tone and then modulating the pacing. If it gets too frantic to read out loud, it's going too fast. That's true for me, anyway. I'm no expert at pacing. But I've not yet committed to reading your whole life story. I am reading on, however. With pleasure.

Gregg A Granger wrote 1152 days ago

"He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" is a treasure. I finished chapter 2, and will continue as time permits. I'm hooked.
Gregg Granger - Author of Sailing Faith: The Long Way Home

IlyaKralinsky wrote 1152 days ago

In honoring your request to read your work, I will admit you've created quite the controversy and publicity, so your promotional skills are par excellence. In reading the work, your locales are interesting, your characters came through, but here are my key points of contention:

See if you can't recraft some of your prose to get out of passive voice. This was/were for everything tends to jump out and slow things down in the worst way. We're competing with Internet, movies and television for the collective attention of an audience, and we're losing precisely because too many writers are unwilling to let go of, or recraft, a slowed-down voice that, while seemingly natural, can really get a reader to put down a book.

Point Two: Overdone Dialogue. Exclamation points after everything stands out and dissuades a reader from continuing. One of the big abilities in mastering dialogue comes from being able to convey tone and mood from word choice. This is simply a practiced skill that arrives from a cognizance that it has to be mastered.

Point Three: a tendency to describe dialogue as it happens is another sign the author feels a weakness is conveying tone and mood through dialogue, and readers do pick up on this. He exclaimed, she sang -- more precise verbs are fantastic for general narrative, but offering this variety of desriptive verbs after nearly every line of dialogue can grow trite.

Point Four: First Person Voice and Its Pitfalls: It took me a bit to catch onto the first person voice, but it comes across even after presenting what seems a third person omniscient voice. First person is one of those points of view that many beginning writers feel frees them to express any string of drivel in any amount they wish with any words that pop off the tops of their heads. This is untrue. In The Sound and the Fury, Faulkner uses first person to highlight unique voices and tell his story in the way a third person narrator could never possibly do, heightening the art of what he did and creating a new paradigm in literature art in several ways. It seems if something could be told in third person, do it; if it must be in first person, the voice must be unique enough to move the story in a direction and lend dimension it ordinarily would not have. Moreover, when writing with this unique voice in first person, the writing still has to be clean and move forward in some measurable degree; first person does not provide justification for stream-of-consciousness without defined storyline. This mistake is most commonly committed by a reader largely uninitiated in the subtle nuance of literary work who cannot spot the elements that make it noteworthy.

Otherwise, you have a genuine piece of work here, formatted like a real book, that tells a story. Good luck to you.

RJU74 wrote 1152 days ago

I only read the first three chapters of books on this site as there are so many to comment on.

You write good dialog and that the characters speak with their own voice; that the prose is well structured.

However, I found that you repeated and over used certain words. For example, you use the word 'Shack' three times the first paragraph and a half and over use such phrases as 'he answered' and 'he said'.

Pace felt a little quick. I was looking for more description and a little more 'show' than 'tell' ; some space for the characters to breathe also

Also, like many books on here after three chapters I should have a sense of the story and I don't. You are obviously talented with a concise style but this should serve the story/narrative which is central.

There's a good book in here but it needs puffing up and editing a little.

Good luck

Andrew Keeton wrote 1152 days ago

Your story is one of sorrow but I can see that through your love of God you have grown as a person. Your book will definitely make the editor's desk and I will back this book until you succeed. Thank you for commenting on my book also. I look forward to more of your work, and hope that you book will be published :)

SusieGulick wrote 1153 days ago

Hi SuzieQ,

Four more days, then all that hard work will be rewarded. Editor's desk here you come!

John (Jnortonpa)



O, I love you, John. :) You made me laugh. :) I'm still smiling ear to ear. :) Yes, 3 day & 20 hours. :) I'm still not going to be presumptuous & kill myself keep on keeping on. :) If you read my updated profile page, I was sure I was going to die yesterday & got so sad I'd not live to Feb. 28 to see if I'd be chosen, but God was merciful & I'm still here & still symptoms, but not as bad :) - but God is my joy. :) PLUS JOHN :) - YOU'RE THE GREATEST. :) You're going to have a kazillion stars in your crown. :)

Love, Susie :)

jnortonpa wrote 1153 days ago

Hi SuzieQ,

Four more days, then all that hard work will be rewarded. Editor's desk here you come!

John (Jnortonpa)

Ham4you wrote 1153 days ago

I've only been through the first few chapters. WOW! My heart is aching! Abuse was not recognized back in the days. I can't wait to dive in and read more. This weekend I will be reading "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." Thanks Susie Gullick for sharing this with us.

Melisa
"Twenty Weeks"

Constantine00 wrote 1153 days ago

Hello! I found your book and have begun reading it. I have placed it on my book shelf also

Sirius wrote 1153 days ago

I love the way Susie hits the reader straight between the eyes: Yes! I got raped! Was that the price of dinner? (Chp15). A story that might exhaust more delicate readers with its relentless energy and drama.

SusieGulick wrote 1154 days ago

Always good to see someone who can stay positive despite the many stumblingblocks in their past. Glad to see what you have overcome as it shows me the power of God. Stay Positive Susie!



Dear Benjamin,

I am so happy to hear from you & that you gold ******-rated, backed, & commented on my memoirs/testimony book :) - could you please keep my book on your bookshelf to help me, after my trying for almost a year to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk? :) I was #4 on 1-1-11 & 2 people passed me up, pushing me out to #6, so I didn't get chosen in the top 5 January 31 - I am now #1 & need lots of backings to hold me in so that I don't slide out again & so that I will be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk February 28 which is 5 days from now. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. :)

With pleasure, I gold ******-rated, read, & commented on your realistic antichrist story :) - just hope I'm not around for it. :) Totally timely because our Joyful Life Women's Bible study at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa California is studying Revelation & also I've read the New Testament much more than 200 xs & get more each time. :)

It was so nice of you to take the time for me & to encourage me in the Lord & I have ever only been told that I was "special" once before in my life & that was about 30 years ago :) - I have always done my best & my boss told me one day, "you're special" & now you have. :) It makes it feel all worthwhile, even though I know my rewards are from the Lord. :) Anyway, you sure made my day, week, years, even!! :) Yes, with God's love & strength, I'm still going with my eye on Him to hold me up :) - I guess you've read my profile page. :)

Love, Susie :)
p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing more than 24 hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up, per authonomy's new rules :)

Solomon2010 wrote 1154 days ago

Always good to see someone who can stay positive despite the many stumblingblocks in their past. Glad to see what you have overcome as it shows me the power of God. Stay Positive Susie!

SusieGulick wrote 1155 days ago

Hi Susie, hope it doesn't seem to soon to say congrats!! So glad to see that you are accomplishing your goal. I had your book up all month and just recently took it down, as I feel you are now a shoe in to the ED. Prayers are still with you from my heart concerning all of your present trials. Continue to live, and not die!! God is able to perform all things through christ who strenghtens us....



Dear Danielle,

It is so nice of you to have kept my memoirs/testimony book on your bookshelf for so long. :) I need your backing more than ever to anchor me into the top 5 of the editor's desk so that I don't slide out again the way I did last month - I was #4 on 1-1-11 & 2 people passed me, pushing me out to #6, so I didn't get chosen January 31 - now I'm #1 & need lots of backing to hold me in so that I don't go out of the top 5 & so that I can be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk February. :) It's crucial - Jim who got chosen last month, it happened to him in December & he finally got chosen. :) Please help me :) - it's only 5 more days. :) I would be ever so grateful. :)

Love, Susie :)

tree of life wrote 1155 days ago

Hi Susie, hope it doesn't seem to soon to say congrats!! So glad to see that you are accomplishing your goal. I had your book up all month and just recently took it down, as I feel you are now a shoe in to the ED. Prayers are still with you from my heart concerning all of your present trials. Continue to live, and not die!! God is able to perform all things through christ who strenghtens us....