Book Jacket

 

rank 544
word count 158293
date submitted 06.03.2010
date updated 20.04.2012
genres: Fiction, Historical Fiction, Christ...
classification: moderate
complete

December Gold

Ronald Lee Mitchell

December Gold tells an epic story of a father and son in separate quests for gold, adventure, marriage integrity, and renewed faith.

 

Professor Rollie Marclay stumbles on troubling information about his father, Jacob, who was a soldier in the Pacific during World War II. A matter of national security brings Rollie’s faith to the brink as he discovers the truth about his father’s relationship to a girl named Alaya.

Retracing his father’s footsteps from time in the war and the years up to and after his father's death leads Rollie to face issues dealing with deception both in marriage and friendships. Rollie's marriage infidelity lends itself to lessons of forgiveness and healing when the marriage bond is breached. Rollie's search leads him to deeper truths and understanding sought by his father, and also two unlikely friends, a Japanese soldier and a Filipino native, each who dedicated themselves to live their Christian faith in the midst of war.

The settings within the story revolve around real life characters from history; fictionalized to meet the flow of the story, and three vital characters which include a Japanese Christian soldier and an American soldier (Jacob Marclay) whose lives become forever linked to a renowned goldsmith from the Philippines; all because of a mutual love for a small child.


 
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tags

9/11, adventure, alaya, christian, enrique, fbi, gatlinburg, geisha, gold, goldsmith, historical, historical fiction, indiana, jacob, key, lockbox, lo...

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A National Tragedy-A Nation at War-September 11, 2001

Chapter 18-A National Tragedy: A Nation at War (9/11)

    It was 4:43 a.m. Walking around the corner from where the limousine dropped him off along C Street he spotted the smaller C Street entrance door. Rollie knocked. He was greeted by a gristly older man in a slightly soiled uniform showing a trace of spilled coffee from earlier in the night. The guard opened the door into a secured breezeway, revealing a dilapidated guard’s desk where the guard had been sitting most of the night.

     The old man was seemingly uninterested in who he was or why he was there. After telling the guard the code GL01clear, the guard took on an entirely new demeanor as he ushered Rollie through the gated set of doors to another office inside the complex of offices.
 
      It still seemed unusual, to Rollie that his case was bringing so much attention to so many people.  A woman came into the office, a pleasant woman with a wide diplomatic smile; a bit disconcerting after being with the gruffness of his last host. “Dr. Marclay, we’ve been expecting you,” she said in a matter of fact tone. Without any small talk, she spoke very plainly. “We need your help to settle the personal matter revolving activities your father was involved. My name is Agent Ann Sorenson, and I have full authority and clearance to act on your behalf by the FBI and the President. I will need to be assured of your complete silence and cooperation. The information I will share is high on the National Security list, in fact, it is about as high as one can get,” Agent Sorenson said as she handed him a building pass to clip on his coat pocket.

    “Dr. Marclay, we need your complete collaboration,” she demanded using her diplomatic expertise. Rollie somewhat alarmed asked, “What did my father do? What does he have to do with National Security?” “Dr. Marclay, all your questions will be answered. First, the FBI shared with you a top secret document.

     “If you remember from reading that document there was a mention of a coin, and in fact the possibility of several coins. That is why we need your cooperation,” she said softening her tone. “Can we get you a cup of coffee?” Rollie responded, “That would be nice!”  Answering truthfully as an aide scurried off to get him a cup of coffee he said to her, “I’ll do whatever I can to get to the bottom of whatever my father was involved.” Agent Sorenson nodded positively stating, “Good, We can move forward.” 

      Rollie was convinced he would need to be straightforward with Agent Sorenson. Knowing she was trained to tell if he was bluffing or telling the truth he became extremely nervous although having nothing to hide. Awkwardly he stumbled over an electric cord lying carelessly on the floor which was connected to a fan. Sheepishly he rose from the floor not feeling very secret agent at the moment as he recovered from his clumsy feet.

      He believed Agent Sorenson to be trustworthy. However, it was still a bit disconcerting to Rollie in the fact he felt like he was participating in a fishing exercise. It was like they wanted him there to tell the truth, the whole truth, but he wasn’t sure what truth they wanted to hear. He was still a little wary. “Was it the government who had been the ones to break into his house and not someone associated with Anderson T. Waring?” he thought as silence enveloped the room.
 
      Approached by another agent, Agent Sorenson said, “Dr. Marclay, Agent Jackson would take you to a secure room.” Rollie was led into a small 10’ by 10’ room with a mirror on one wall and two doors on opposite sides of the room. Agent Jackson and two other agents who did not reveal their identities, questioned him beginning with the Probate Hearing and including his relationship with April Taylor. Centering their questions on the clues Rollie’s father left in his books; they asked if Rollie still had the books in question; a statement confirming for Rollie that the government had not been the ones to break into his home. Those books were in plain sight of anyone knowing what they were looking for.

      The questioning agents were anxious about the letters in the lockbox despite Rollie’s reassurances that there was no code hidden in the letters. Rollie offered to get them copies of the letters for their review which they agreed they would need at a later date.

    “They did reveal,” he finally admitted after about five minutes, “My father appeared to have had an affair with a woman named Alaya, and they had a daughter named Amiko,” Rollie blurted out not meaning to reveal what he just said. Being interrogated was not his forte. He was surprised when one of the agents who had not revealed his identity stated, “We did know about the girl, Alaya. We didn’t know she had a daughter until now, but you can be assured your father did not have an affair with this girl, Alaya. He was the girl’s adopted father.” Stunned, Rollie sat there in silence not sure what to make of the fact up to then kept hidden.

       The agent continued, “We will share with you more about that information at a later appropriate time.” Another agent came into the room, appearing to be the superior of Agent Jackson. Without introducing himself he said to Rollie, “We know there is a link between the coins used in support of your father’s adopted daughter and a large cache of gold ingots found in the Philippines. What we can’t find is the link. We believe your father somehow stumbled on the gold, and that is why we need your help and expertise as an historian, as well as, being closely tied to the parties involved, to find that cache of gold coins as a matter of national security.”

     Rollie, pausing to take a sip of his coffee which had now cooled some, was quite aware that his expertise had nothing to do with this exercise. Agent Sorenson came back into the room at that moment setting his luggage on the floor. “You won’t be going back to your motel,” she said. “We opted to check you out. Other arrangements have been made on your behalf.” “What kind of arrangements,” he responded warily wondering if he was going to become a missing person. Handing him his suitcase, briefcase, and a hang-up bag, Agent Ann Sorenson spoke with a pleasant and accommodating voice intended to put him at ease.

      “After you do some research for us, your cooperation may involve some travel.” Rollie was perplexed as she continued, “That is, if you are able to track down the location or codebook leading to the coins. We need for you do some historical research for us at the Library of Congress.” The mention of a secret codebook sent a sudden chill up Rollie’s spine.

      Throwing his coffee cup into a waste container in the corner of the room, he was told the specifications of his research. “We need a link regarding the coin, the ESB inscription, the letters found in your father’s lockbox, and your insight and instincts of your father, as a reference for your search. We have seen your work and your research techniques. You have an uncanny way of bringing out facts that most would overlook. Since you have a personal interest vested in some of the facts through the involvement of your father, we believe you can be an immense help over other experts in the field in discovering something we have overlooked. We need your help!”

      Another agent added, “We need you to recall anything you can remember in the letters and with the coin; anything that would reflect clues to the whereabouts of where your father may have hidden a treasure of coins. Again, you realize the secrecy of your assignment.”

       In response to clarify that statement Agent Sorenson continued. Rollie noticing the quick nod given to Agent Sorenson from the agent he previously determined to be her superior, she continued, “The knowledge of Golden Lily gold being found would have devastating world financial consequences. That is why I iterate this as a matter of national security and must be kept secret.” Shaking his head that he understood, she told him the specifics about his research.

       “You will have at your disposal Agent Chan Michaels from the CIA, just coming through the door, who will escort you to the Library of Congress and then on to the internal computers at Langley allowing you to cross reference anything you find. You will only have until 7:30 am to do your research, because we need to be out of the Library before they open for regular hours of operation because of security concerns.

     One of the agents in the room who had not spoken since entering said to Rollie,That gives you about two hours at the Library of Congress. At that time Agent Michaels will take full charge, and lead you to Langley. One more thing before we leave for the Library, Dr. Marclay. Did Anderson T. Waring share anything about the lockboxes with you?”

      “Yes and No, in that, he shared nothing except that he was a collector of the keys that fit in the lockboxes. He was interested in my key, and he also asked me whether or not I had found a lockbox,” Rollie stated. Rollie kept one fact hidden for whatever the reason. He did not share the fact of Tony’s find of a lockbox. He recalled Tony’s researching the origin of the lockboxes which revealed there were four known lockboxes made with the ESB inscription. Rollie was certain, however, they knew about the existence of four lockboxes, but he was not as certain they knew whether or not Tony was the keeper of the fourth lockbox known to exist. Documentation was somewhere about that fact, Rollie was sure, but it had not yet come into the FBI’s perimeter. 

      From their response in the interrogation room he strongly now believed Anderson T. Waring, the FBI, State Department, nor the CIA knew the whereabouts of the fourth lockbox although they knew it existed. Noting his watch, it said 5:00 am. “That gave him two and one half hours to find whatever the government has been searching for since World War II.” 

      Rollie resisted the temptation to laugh out loud. He did not because of being too nervous in the surroundings he had been placed. The door to the right side of the room suddenly opened. Three Secret Service agents examined the room with a glance eying Rollie’s luggage on the floor and the two other agents present.

        Behind them walked the President. Besides his initial shock, Rollie noticed how young the agents looked. Rollie felt old and worn at that moment as he found himself in a surprising face to face encounter with the most powerful person of the world. “Dr. James Marclay, I presume” the President said extending his hand.

     The President stood there with a teddy bear chuckle and boyish grin on his face. “I want to commend you for your willingness to help in this national quest.” Rollie wasn’t sure how he was to respond. Up to that point he didn’t believe he had a real choice. Maybe the word Rollie felt should have been used was “coerced” rather than “willingness” to serve.

        He had been volunteered for way too many committees to say that he willingly was in this room at that time of the morning with the President. All Rollie could muster to say was, “It is a privilege, Mr. President.”  Deep down Rollie believed that statement. He believed the President to be the rightful man in the White House despite all the controversy surrounding his election.

        After graciously accepting his greeting the President continued. “I understand your father served his country in World War II. Looking at his records he received the Bronze Star and the Bronze Arrowhead. He was a brave man, Dr. Marclay. I appreciate his service to our country. You should be proud.”  The statement was said sincerely and put Rollie at ease.

      Looking Rollie straight in the eye the President said very seriously, “Your father had a connection of some sort with some gold found in the Philippines and some coins that came into his possession. There have been rumors regarding gold in the Philippines for a long time. They have been kept just that, rumors, since President Harry Truman to me. I concur with all the Presidents in their wisdom to keep the gold stories as rumors only because of the national consequences and obligations and downfall to the world financial organization as just explained to you by Agent Sorenson and the others.  This is not a massive cover-up, Dr. Marclay. It is National Security,” he overtly emphasized.

     The President’s eyes pierced through Rollie making him feel unsettled as the President made his point. Putting him at ease once again, the President placed his hand on Rollie’s shoulder and said, “Help us out in whatever way you can, and hopefully you can get on with your teaching very soon.

      The President’s eyes appeared to tear up as he continued. We need to keep good teachers like you teaching, Dr. Marclay. I read about you. You are well qualified. It will not be a breach of national security for you to tell your wife, Laurel, I said hi, after you are finished at the CIA, of course.” The President chuckled at his little joke. After spending a few more moments in personal interchange, the President extended his hand once again and he was whisked away by the Secret Service agents.

        Rollie remembered April saying that the President had an early morning engagement in an elementary school in Florida. Rollie glanced up at Agent Michaels as he thought about the President’s day. “I hope I didn’t make the President late to his next engagement,” Rollie said as he glanced up at Agent Michaels and down at his watch noting the time. Agent Sorenson smiled at Rollie’s attempt at humor as she broke into his subdued thoughts.

       Returning to her business only demeanor, Agent Sorenson said, “Agent Michaels will direct you to the Library and into your personal involvement in Golden Lily. Your new code name will be GL01GO for our discussion and this operation in the future. Don’t forget your luggage,” she reminded Rollie as he was leaving. He had started to leave the room without picking up his suitcase. A limo picked them up at an opposite entrance than the way he had previously entered the building dropping them off at the Library of Congress building at 5:25 am.

      The library was foreboding with the night lights still lighting up the bushes and entrance although dawn had broken the horizon. The limousine drove to a side alley door which was discretely propped open; allowing them access directly through a service entrance to the Library. Once inside Rollie was provided with all the tools he needed for research. He was virtually left alone in the nation’s library, but he understood he was not there for a tour. Rollie was quite familiar with research and this library. He had been here twice before. “Not in this capacity,” he thought. The intensity by which he had been asked to help was now realized.

      The silence was almost deafening each time he hit a key on the computer or turned the page of a book. He started the process of building a reference of words to research; common phrases, such as, gold, goldsmiths, Philippine gold. Rollie was surprised to find so much information on file regarding the speculation of gold hidden by the Japanese during World War II. “If so many people know about this gold how has it remained a secret, and why do they need my help?”  Even the code name of Golden Lily, he soon discovered, was readily available in several references of books, news, and magazine articles written about the subject.

     The material researched was easily found. “So,” he perceived, “what the government is trying to find is not obvious to the casual or even the serious searcher. What they are looking for, most decidedly, is the link to how my father found the gold he came to be in possession. It puzzled Rollie. “The connection has to be the lockbox he acquired in Wakayama, Japan,” he concluded. 

       Rollie, glancing at his wrist watch, decided to take a different turn in his research since time was winding down to the 7:30 am deadline. In the file search of information he typed in the ESB inscription and cross referenced that with other library filed documents regarding goldsmiths from the Philippines. Again, Rollie believed this to be common research easily acquired. He had several hits. Eliminating all the possible sites except for two, Rollie explored those references believing them to be too vague until he typed in the dates 1935-1945 to explore the names of Filipino goldsmiths.

      The reference took him to a file on the 2nd floor to a reference not available on the computer. It was an odd trek, almost eerie, as he made his way up the empty staircase with no one else seemingly visible in the building. Finding the box where that file was located he pulled it out; setting it on the table beside the shelf. In opening the file he found several articles about various searches for gold in the Philippines. Among these articles was a news article referring to a certain goldsmith from Mindanao with the ESB initials.

       The man revealed in the black and white photo in the article was a popular goldsmith known before the war as Enrique Salazar Bocani. He had disappeared December 8th of 1941 while on a business trip to Manila, according to some surviving family members at that time. Rollie noted mentally this was just after Pearl Harbor when the Japanese had first invaded the Philippines. No more information was available, except for the notation of some of the goldsmith’s known works. Among the list mentioned, besides scores of rings, bracelets, and necklaces, was his unconfirmed attribution for a gold jewel encrusted art piece in the Japanese Emperor’s home.

      Also on the list, Rollie noted, were four gold trimmed lock boxes. He realized suddenly this must have been Tony’s source, verifying the number of lockboxes known to exist. Rollie thought carefully as he placed the information back in its proper place.

     Rollie confirmed in his mind that the ESB inscription was Enrique Salazar Bocani. Writing that name down on his list to cross reference with his list he would take to the CIA, he continued with other words. He looked up “gold coin collections,” but he came up with no leads. There was one reference found of a mystery coin discovered, but there was no description or picture with the notation except, Treasury Department code TW. It was labeled as inaccessible. He wrote down the code and the Treasury Department. Nothing in the letters or the lockbox, as he racked his brain, gave him any clues.

     Hearing footsteps in the quiet surroundings tapping on the slate floor of the room he was working, Rollie turned to see Agent Michaels approaching. “It is time,” he said. “We have to go!”  Feeling rushed by Agent Michaels Rollie collected his papers placing them in his brief case. He picked up his other two bags of luggage and was led to a waiting helicopter.

       Once in the helicopter his mind started to drift. He and Agent Michaels were heading to the CIA Headquarters Building. The onrush of relief hit him as he cherished the information that his father had not cheated on his mom.

     That was quite a revelation, after all, that he had assumed for the past several months. His thoughts centered on Laurel. “He had not cheated, at least in a physical sense, on Laurel,” Rollie reasoned as he sat in the helicopter listening to the whirl of the blades slice through the air, “but he had cheated on her trust. That is a fact he could not deny.” During that moment Rollie longed to see Laurel to make everything right between them. His remorse was quite evident and played heavily in his mind as he turned his thoughts to his dad who had kept the adoption a secret all these years. “Why would he do such a noble thing and keep it hidden?”

      The turmoil resulting from that mystery was one that Rollie had yet to solve, but he was determined to do so. The question Rollie mulled was the connection between the adoption and the coins. His thoughts answered his question with a statement. “He would not be here if that was known,” he thought stupidly to himself. “That was what the government wanted him to find out.” Rollie sat up when there appeared to be a change in the sound of the blades chopping the air. With each rotation he thought of Laurel.

       He reflected back to his childhood of how he had often fantasized that he was a secret agent involved in some James Bond type case. “Maybe Laurel had some insight after all about him that he was not aware,” as he remembered Laurel’s feeble attempts to let acquaintances know that his name was Dr. JAMES Rolland Marclay, always emphasizing James over Rolland. Laurel always believed that Dr. James R. Marclay had a better ring to it than Professor Rollie, as most of his students and colleagues referred to him.

     “He was fulfilling a destiny,” he thought with a bit of elation as he visualized telling Laurel and Tony of his James Bond experience. “Surely just telling them would not fall within the boundaries of National Security.” he justified as the helicopter landed on a helipad located just inside the inner parking area. “After all, the President himself said to tell Laurel hi,” puzzled for a moment wondering once again how the President so readily knew his wife’s name.

      The helicopter took off almost as soon as it had landed, minus Agent Chan Michaels and Dr. Marclay. They were greeted by the Under Secretary of International Affairs from the Department of the Treasury and the Director of Public Affairs of the CIA. It was 7:49 am as Rollie was lead through the front entrance of the CIA Headquarters. Directly in front of him on the floor was the familiar symbol and entrance seen so often in movies and television programs depicting the CIA. The large granite CIA seal measured, Rollie guessed, about sixteen feet across in diameter.

      In the center was the 16-point compass star representing the collecting of intelligence data from around the world. The star was resting on a shield symbolizing the defense and Intel gathered for policy makers; like the President to make defense decisions regarding our countries security. The eagle resting on the top, he also learned from Agent Michaels brief explanation of the CIA inlay, stood for strength and alertness. Rollie and Agent Michaels stood for a moment in front of the gold stars on the wall in honor of the fallen heroes of the CIA as a silent tribute.

       Quite awed by his entrance into the building Rollie was quickly ushered through the doors into a special room that very few outside people would ever see. An identification guest badge was handed to him. With his luggage secured at the front desk, he took out the notes placed in his brief case from his Library of Congress research. Rollie was then hurriedly escorted by the entourage into a computer research room deep in the CIA building. He asked the officials who preceded him into the room, “Do you recognize a Code TW?” The Under Secretary quickly explained to Rollie regarding his inquiry that they were expecting that question. “That is one point of information we knew you would readily find. You were monitored in your search while at the library,” the Under Secretary responded quite frankly to Rollie. “The file was from a report written by an agent, Tim Waring, in 1949. We were made aware of the distinction of the case when a dead man, now identified, had been found on a beach during a particular battle in Luzon with several gold coins on his possession.” Clearing his throat he continued. 

      “More coins showed up later during the Nixon era in the White House, and most recently during the middle days of the Clinton administration. Nothing was ever found to connect the dots, that is, until the connection was made between a lockbox and a key with the same ESB inscription as the coins, and as you now know some gold ingots found in the Philippines. 

       A clue to finding one of the missing lockboxes was traced to your father when a Probate Clerk found a key, quite by accident, during a search of an insurance document held in trust at a bank in northern Michigan. It was the Bank’s policy to cross reference gold items such as this with a Federal Data Base to detect potential fraud. Our department came to play in this investigation when a Federal Marshall who had previously worked in the Treasury Department, remembered a flurry of activity surrounding another lockbox discovered by an agent within our department, Tim Waring. Government agents confirmed there were four of these lockboxes.”

     “One of the located boxes contained a gold bar with the ESB inscription.” Pausing for a breath, the Under Secretary persisted, “We had a trace on a second lockbox containing a gold ingot with the ESB inscription, but it was stolen. That box contained a Japanese code book, neither of which has ever been apprehended. As I said a moment ago your father had in his possession the key to a third lockbox. We were disappointed upon the discovery of your father’s lockbox that it did not have a Japanese code book within its contents. That is why you are here.

       After a moments pause he said, “We need you to discover a connection to the search up to this time for the missing code book that would lead us to a cache of gold coins related to those your father seemed to have in his possession. The fourth lockbox is still not accounted for and may contain the missing link. Now, Dr. Marclay, if you will excuse me, I must get back to some other duties. Any information you acquire please inform Agent Dr. Benjamin Carroll, in the next office of anything that can connect us with the gold reserve. If unclaimed gold would fall in the wrong hands…” The Director’s voice seemed to trail off as he said those words.

       Rollie was relieved the man was finished talking. He wasn’t trying to hide anything, but in a way Rollie noted that he had withheld information when he failed to mention Tony’s find from the Japanese dig of the lockbox. He guessed that the lockbox had not yet been brought to the Treasury Department’s attention, or it was not deemed as important when it was declared as an archeological find when it was brought into the country.

      Rollie suddenly thought it important to hold some information back as a note of caution. After all, he didn’t want Tony to become embroiled in a legal dispute. However, he was also fearful of the consequences of not revealing what he knew about the fourth lockbox in Tony’s possession. He regretted withdrawing from Tony recently remembering a stack of unanswered e-mails on his computer. “With the struggles with Laurel and his flirtations with April…,” his thoughts drifted as he was shown to another part of the building.

      At 8:10 am the Director of Public Affairs from the CIA logged him into a computer terminal in the room he was sitting. Suddenly he was alone. Agent Chan Michaels closed the door, standing guard outside the room. He had previously been searched at the front desk when he had been assigned a visitor’s badge. His cell phone had been retrieved and kept with his luggage.

       The car keys to his rental were assigned to an agent who had the responsibility to return the car rental to an office in Washington. Rollie didn’t know where he was going from here, but he decided he would just have to roll with the punches.

       He was getting concerned, however, about Laurel. There had not been any word the night before. Andrew had not called him back, and he had not been able to reach Laurel while he was in the Library of Congress or from the helicopter. In fact, as he tried to call he was told not to make the call by Agent Michaels who said it was a security issue which upped his anxiety level. Pulling out his list of words he brought from the Library of Congress he began to type knowing everything and anywhere he went on the computer would be monitored.

      Typing in “Enrique Salazar Bocani” several pages popped up that referred to the goldsmith from the Philippines. Briefly looking at those pages, he pressed print. Reading the account on a hard copy was much easier than trying to scroll the pages of the computer. He read from the hard copy a detailed account of the follow-up of a battle in Luzon, January 1945 when a corpsman reported a Filipino man killed in the battle, run over by a tank. Rollie took note. “He knew this story from his father,” Rollie thought dumbfounded. The report continued that there were indications of a baby at the scene, but no baby was found. A lieutenant at the scene had said there was a baby, although a corpsman, and later a corpsmen team could not confirm a baby at the scene except for some circumstantial evidence. “If there was a baby at the scene it was most likely washed away in the waves,” one report stated.

     Reading the report brought back the story his father had told through the years except his story always talked of his placing the baby off on the rocks where it was safe. Rollie thought, “How had his father taken the baby from the beach and somehow kept the whole thing secret?” It seemed impossible to Rollie, but then again, he was dealing with the aftermath. “How did Amiko fit into the picture?” 

       Rollie noticed some commotion out in the hallway. Activity had really picked up and the guard at his door, Agent Michaels, was speaking to another agent in what looked like a very apprehensive pose. On a whim Rollie typed in Tim Waring revealed to him by the Under Secretary just a moment before under the code TW and the added code given to him by the Under Secretary. It led him to the same report he had just printed out which was odd. As he had been told the code TW was Agent Tim Waring. Rollie typed in Anderson T. Waring. While reading the page that came up on Anderson Waring, a warning came across the page, “This transmission will end in 30 seconds.” “What’s that all about?” Rollie thought wrinkling his brow. “Had he typed in something that caused an automatic shutdown?”

     Looking over his shoulder he saw some alarming activity beginning to take place outside the office he was working. Quickly reading through the page Rollie saw that it indicated suspicions, but no proof, that Tim Waring II, the son of Agent Tim Waring had been involved in the possible theft of a second missing lockbox with the ESB inscription.  Reading as fast as he could Rollie attempted to absorb the words on the screen before the screen would go blank.

      He read, “Agent Tim Waring admittedly had in his possession one of the lockboxes when he died, which had been sanctioned by the State Department because the contents had been accounted and verified. The initial lockbox found by Agent Tim Waring had been sanctioned and given to Agent Waring by then sitting President John F. Kennedy filled with candy upon the agent’s retirement. However, there were indications that a second lockbox had been found by Agent Waring, but no hard evidence confirmed that suggestion. Some surveillance has led current agents to believe, as of 5/1/00 that Anderson T. Waring, grandson of Agent Tim Waring may possibly have some bearing on the missing lockbox in question and other problematic gold transactions. Case and investigation is pending.” 

     With his skimming the last few words the computer screen and transmission terminated. At that same time Agent Chan Michaels stepped into the doorway. “Plans for this operation have changed. You will be escorted from the building in a few moments. We are sorry for the interruption, but we are now at a national emergency. This operation has been temporarily terminated.”  Rollie was surprised with the curtness and abruptness, and especially curious about the national emergency. Asking about transportation, Rollie was concerned how to get to the airport from there so he could fly home. Agent Michaels said, “You will need to find another way to get home. No flights will be going your way in the near future. A second plane just hit the south tower of the World Trade Center at 9:06 am. It looks like we are at war.” 

       Rollie’s heart leaped in terror. “A second plane hit the towers in New York? He didn’t know about a first plane!” Agent Michaels interrupted him as Rollie asked about a first plane. “I have just been informed that an Agent Cordella from the FBI will be here to escort you to a temporary safe place.” It was then that Rollie thought not so much for his safety, but for his wife and kids. He thought about April. Although a potential affair had been averted, he nonetheless still had lingering feelings. “What about April?” he wondered. She was scheduled to be in the World Trade Center this morning to finish up her interview.”

     Looking up at the clock on the wall it was 9:09. Word came that the building was being evacuated. Rollie picked up his luggage at the front desk, and turned in his visitor’s badge. Leaving through the front entrance, he went out to the front lawn with several other people from the building. He stood by a small sapling growing out of an area with a cultivated pond. Sitting on a rock under the tree he contemplated what he was going to do next.  It was 9:10 am, a long minute, when he attempted another call home. About that time word spread through the crowd that some unaccounted for planes, presumed hijacked, were heading for Washington.

     Shaken after his phone call with Laurel, telling by the sound of her voice that she had not heard the news of the national tragedy developing, Rollie tried to explain what was happening. He could tell that Laurel was confused, angry, or both. She was obviously worried; her voice sounding harsh with a tinge of hurt. By what she was saying, made him understand that she had not comprehended at all what he had just said to her about the planes hitting the Towers.

      He readily determined she was angry. “She has found out about April,” his chest leapt in panic. His heart was pumping wildly as he felt caught like a deer in headlights. Laurel ranted at him for a moment. “How dare you stoop so low? You assured me you were not having an affair. I saw the e-mail, Rollie, the one you wrote to an Ami before you left.

      Is she there with you right now?” she accused him; her voice rising to a higher pitch than normal. Laurel started to cry when the phone went dead; cutting out in the middle of her crying. He redialed the phone, but he could not get an answer. April was the farthest thing from his mind at that moment. He would tell her the truth about that later. All kinds of thoughts started bombarding him as he redialed the number. “If she was that angry about finding Ami on the computer, he was in hot water, possibly expulsion.” Rollie had never felt so low!

    At that moment Rollie’s heart sank as he felt a great deal of remorse for allowing his emotions to sway him from the woman he adored. “He would explain things to Laurel to set the record straight. Surely she would understand?” Rollie thought as he redialed the number again. At this point, however, he was not quite as confident. His goal right now was to set her straight about Ami and the situation that was happening in the nation at that moment. 

      Frantically, Rollie redialed Laurel’s number, just as he looked down at his watch. It was 9:40 am. The news rippled through the crowd like “the wave” often seen in sports stadiums as he stood in the outside courtyard of the CIA Headquarters. As “the wave” hit him the news was, “the Pentagon had just been hit.”

      There was a lot of concern in the crowd, but Rollie did not notice a lot of panic. Many of those in the courtyard were professional military from the administrative offices of the Headquarters Building. Some were being given permission to leave the job and go home for safety concerns. Rollie grasped his forehead pulling his hair back. The phone was ringing. Laurel please pick up the phone?”  The nation really was at war!

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

18

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Software wrote 4 days ago

Very well researched and presented piece of quality writing, fascinating in its specific details and engaging in its delivery. December Gold has the feel of a classic war story, epic in proportion and graphic in description. 5 stars and WL'ed. Bookshelf candidate when space is available.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

MaryBe wrote 106 days ago

Ronald,
I read the first chapter of your book and found it very detailed about war. I found the experiences were beyond what I knew about war. The picture of war you presented was done with out emotion which surprised me. I imagin experiences like those are very hard to get over.
MaryBe

fictionguy8 wrote 113 days ago

Captivating and fast paced. I do the same thing with surrounding real people with fictional circumstances which makes the story seem realistic. It's not easy to do but you did it well. The narrative is good and the dialogue is perfect. Five stars,

James Workman wrote 115 days ago

I've read authonomy chapter 1 and want to read more. It is an engaging story and the opening makes me want to know how it turns out and what the mystery was.

MiriamNConde wrote 120 days ago

After the first chapter I’m interested in reading more. Enrique’s story is especially fascinating. A miracle seems to have saved his life. You lend the reader a feeling that Enrique may have been saved for some unique purpose.

MiriamNConde
The Immortality Experiment

Laurence Howard wrote 126 days ago

Your book has originality and intrigue; your eloquent prose weaves a tale that has depth and sensitivity that grips the imagination. Masterly piece of writing.
Backed with pleasure.
Laurence Howard The Cross of Goa

Dr. Surya Kumar Daimari wrote 133 days ago

Hi Ronald,
Your ‘December Gold’ has truly created a land mark in the writing of an epic story of love inside a war. What I like most is the presentation of the message of humanity and peace, love and forgiveness even in the midst of deadly war and brutality. It’s something like War and Peace. Your soldiers in the battle field are not only the soldiers of your country but they are also the soldiers of God displaying their true and renewed faith in Him. The happy ending of your story is another facet of glory. Yours is a pure literature. The art of writing , the use of words, phrases, similes and imageries are superb. I like yours, “The sun cascaded over the snow covered landscape ; each of the fallen flakes creating their individual magic as they danced……..”
“The early snow blanketing the road way” ……..
The only thing I don’t like about the book is its length , however, it’s moderate for an epic. I feel, whoever will read it will surely enjoy the story full to the brim. Good luck,
Surya,
The Names of the Believers

Dr. Surya Kumar Daimari wrote 133 days ago

Hi Ronald,
Your ‘December Gold’ has truly created a land mark in the writing of an epic story of love inside a war. What I like most is the presentation of the message of humanity and peace, love and forgiveness even in the midst of deadly war and brutality. It’s something like War and Peace. Your soldiers in the battle field are not only the soldiers of your country but they are also the soldiers of God displaying their true and renewed faith in Him. The happy ending of your story is another facet of glory. Yours is a pure literature. The art of writing , the use of words, phrases, similes and imageries are superb. I like yours, “The sun cascaded over the snow covered landscape ; each of the fallen flakes creating their individual magic as they danced……..”
“The early snow blanketing the road way” ……..
The only thing I don’t like about the book is its length , however, it’s moderate for an epic. I feel, whoever will read it will surely enjoy the story full to the brim. Good luck,
Surya,
The Names of the Believers

lexington_ky_writer wrote 141 days ago

Ron, Good afternoon. Your writing is incredible. Well placed desciptives. The picture you painted on the beach when rollie's father found Ayala was awesome. I was put right there on the bach with them, thanks to you. I am continuing to read, but had to share my thoughts before I move on. Cheers, kerry.

Alice Barron wrote 142 days ago

We are introduced to this wonderful story by being at a ceremony of respect for the good and the brave who fought for our freedom in world war two. Rollie and his wife are at the ceremony as Rollie's father bravely fought in the war.
We are brought back to the war that Jacob fought in and we learn that jacob rescued a little baby, Alaya, as her father lay dying. Her father's name was Enrique. We are then told the story of Enrique and the author expertly leads us on in the telling of his story.

The end of chapter one is uplifting.

In chapter one you use "task at hand" in fairly rapid succession. From my time on this site I have learned not to use the same type of phrase twice.

I think you need to insert the word on in the following sentence.........It was on this frantic trip back from manila to Mindanao that the japanese captured the boat he was a passanger "ON"

Looking forward to reading on. This is great.

Highly starred.
Alice.


Seringapatam wrote 143 days ago

Ron, I have been waiting to read the rest of this for some time now and have only just got back to it. Its a cracking story for which it is clear you are passionate about. It is so crisp and flows so well. You certainly have talent here without doubt. There have been numerous comments below so it just leave me to say, good luck with it and so well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R)

faith rose wrote 159 days ago

Dear Ron,

O this really pulls at my heartstrings! I loved the way you seemed to tell two stories in one in the opening chapters. The soldier's rescue of baby Alaya hooked me immediately, and then you beautifully filled in all the pieces as Enrique's story unfolded. You painted a vivid, realistic picture of war with all its heartbreak, tragedy, and raw emotion. Yet there was a underlying sense of hope. I loved the prayer the German missionary shared with Enrique: "In the midst of the battle there will be the Lord. When we can go no further, it is there God will take us." Beautiful and powerful and so, so true. This is a real gem, Ron. I am starring this very highly and holding on my WL for future reading. A deeply moving read.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

LCF Quartet wrote 166 days ago

Hi Ron,
I just finished reading the first two chapters of your book and I think your MC Enrique is a well-rounded, fleshed persona with a story to tell. Your third-person voice is very clear and easy to follow. I also liked the pace and the overall structure, including the prologue.

The main concept behind your novel is strong and injects hope to the reader immediately.
I look forward to reading more and see where the story is going from here.
High stars and best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

KMac23 wrote 189 days ago

Ron,
I read this story before a while back, and am recalling the beauty of all of it. I loved how you set up the first scenes, with the baby, Alaya being saved by the soldier, then going into the tale of Enrique and his marriage to Kayusha and bringing it all back to Alaya again. Then, revealing the background of the soldier, Jacob and leading him up to the point where he saves Alaya. And then you take us to Rollie, Jacob’s son, who has told the story of his father and the rescue of the baby. Lastly, Rollie is set upon an adventure of finding out about Alaya and the missing gold, ending up in a coma as a result. The ending is very good with his father’s dreams being fulfilled.

I can’t say anything that I would work on in this story. It is written so well. I love the themes running through it, God’s help in times of trouble, family and the importance of it, love for our country, self-preservation, war heroes and war causes. There is much to like about this story, and I enjoyed going back to take a second look at it.

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Chris Whitson wrote 307 days ago

Hi Ron, I am so impressed first of all with your knowledge and research of your subject matter. Your Christian touch adds a lot of depth and feeling to this captivating story. Your hard work is really paying off here! I love the way you get into the action quickly. That hooked me. Your descriptions are vivid but not too wordy. This keeps the flow very appealing. There is so much going on in these first few chapters, but you do a masterful job of keeping it clean, clear and easy to follow. I'm truly surprised how much I'm enjoying this selection. The characters and the story are totally engaging and I will be back for more. This book is historical, adventurous, extremely well written and purposeful. A wonderful recipe for success.
I have starred this very high! Wow! Well done.
God Bless.
Chris/ A SPICY HURRICANE

Kerrie Price wrote 310 days ago

I returned to read your book again today, and must say you have done a great job. It has an easy reading flow, with a sense of anticipation of the story about to unfold. I wish you every success for publishing.

KMac23 wrote 318 days ago

I don't usually read war stories much, but I did sit down to read this one and am really impressed with your work and see this as one that would appeal to a wide audience, with its descriptive imagery, historical accuracy and vivid accounts of the pain of the war. The settings are very well described, and it's such a moving tale. I'll be giving it lots of stars! Kara

Mule wrote 321 days ago

Ronald,

Thank you for sharing your work! The writing style is clean and easy to read, and the storyline is engaging. This is an interesting premise that deserves to be developed through the length of a novel, and not anything shorter. Enrique is an engaging protagonist, and his dilemma is enough to carry the reader through the first stages of the novel. I encourage you to show rather than tell--to describe Enrique's emotions and reactions through action and reaction, rather than laying it out through the voice of the narrator. I think the story would be better if the narrator's voice disappeared and the story itself is told through the actions/reactions of the characters. Of course, it is necessary to "tell" what a writer is thinking at times; but, maybe only at select times, rather than saturate the whole scene with narrative second-hand description. I think the premise of this story is quite good enough to be packaged and placed in a bookstore, and to get there I encourage you to keep developing the action. There are paragraphs that are excellently done, so keep improving on those.

Also, I appreciate immensely the scripture references that Enrique and others cite. These help ground the story in a deeper truth; namely, the Bible and the Writer of the Bible, Jesus Christ. Great work!

Keep up the good work!

Sam Cronin

JamesRevoir wrote 324 days ago

Hello Ronald:

I read the first two chapters of December Gold. What a riveting story! There are so many dynamics which bring this novel to life on so many levels. While there are so many elements-war, romance, gold treasure, divine favor, all of these elements are woven together in such as way as to create a fine tapestry to appeal to a wide spectrum of readers. It is clear that, beyond someone who is simply dabbling in writing, you truly have a gift as a storyteller.

The book is well-edited, though occasionally I spotted a few minor typos, which is common regardless of how many times one has gone through the editing process. In Chapter One, in context, "reigning in..." should use the homonym "reining in..."

Also in chapter one, "that the Japanese captured the boat he was a passenger", I would add "on which" before "he was..."

This is an epic novel of which you can be very proud. I see that it has been uploaded since 2010 so you have been very patient to see this rise in ranking to where it is. I am confident, however, that your patience will be greatly rewarded. This book is truly a treasure

Blessings to you, to your family and to your ministry.

James

Cariad wrote 343 days ago

Hi Ron. An interesting story. Your style is very personal, as though you are sitting telling it to a bunch of avid listeners. It's easy to read, in that it flows well, and the events you relate are recognisable, human ones.

I noticed something in chapter three - the first paragraph is only about seven lines, but you have at least 5 instances or variations of the word 'drink' - drunk, drank, drinking etc. and it began to jar a little, so maybe substitute for one or two? The end of this chapter - just when things seem to be changing and going well - the fact that some evil was about to be unleashed, is a bit 'Oh no!' moment, and a page turner.

Like everyone, it would be even better for a final edit, or even that old trick of making yourself lose at least a hundred words from each chapter - great for weeding out weak, repeated, or wasted words, leaving it all tighter and leaner. Enjoyed the read - have some stars.
Cariad.

David Price wrote 351 days ago

Ron, just read chapter 2, and it's at times like these, I wish I were a faster reader! There is an epic quality to your work, encompassing a range of human experience from war, death and cruelty, to love, beauty and hope. Along the way, you give us visceral, exciting and moving insights into the horrors of being stuck in the middle of a war zone. This is a work of great dedication and I look forward to continuing the journey.
As my strengths as a reader lie in the editing area, I hope you won't mind if I mention a few minor things that slow the action down occasionally. In para 3, in the phrase beginning 'Enrique had crafted an intricate locket...', the word 'image' appears 4 times in 2 sentences. How about simplifying it to something like: 'Enrique had crafted an intricate locket which also incorporated a one of a kind specialty coin, featuring Kyusha's image and her name underneath. After fashioning the coin, he destroyed the imprint of her name on the coin, but left her engraved image..etc'.
In para 6, the word 'being' occurs several times. How about: 'Rumors were rampant that the smelted gold was being hidden in the cave caches prepared for it, and sealed off'.
Also I noticed one spelling mistake: 'a crane like devise'. Should be 'device'.
And in chapter 1, it crossed my mind that you might want to consider using the authentic Filipino expressions 'mamang' and 'papang' rather than 'mom' and 'dad'.
Hope you take these comments in the spirit in which they were intended. And please let me know if you find any of them helpful.
David

Patricia Laster wrote 351 days ago

Dear Ron: I was in Cotabato in the Philippines for the Peace Corps and spoke Tagalog fairly fluently and I really enjoyed a re-visit through your story! Aside from that, your work is a gripping, historical drama! It is also a warm, personal, inspiring human story with mystery (Rollie, the key, and Papa Jacob and his adopted daughter, Ayala. Jacob's father, the drunk), pathos ( Rollie having to confess his almost-affair with April) and family trauma.

The scenes involving Jacob and the war, the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the death of Enrique and his family make this a tense, captivating war epic.

Thank you for your Christian witness which runs throughout your book. It is interwoven in the story marvelously - naturally and nonpretentiously. This is an epic with substance, inspiration, conflict, drama, and beautiful word pictures. The work you've put into it must be immense - and your effort shows. I hope this book makes it to the publisher in record time so that it can soon be found on the bookshelves of many American homes. Many stars and prayers for your success. :-) Pat

Lenny Banks wrote 352 days ago

Hi Ron,
I read Chapter 10, it was gripping, you have a great way of conveying the story as if you were a thrid person watching from the side, I was facinated. I like the way I was compelled to start guessing what the key was for myself. I love using unusual words and I love the word procrastinating !
Good luck with this book, and Best Wishes.
Lenny Banks

irelandsmemories wrote 354 days ago

Hello Ron
I have read up to ch. 17 and am delighted to have found this historical piece of work. This is Memorial Week so it was a welcome read, how detailed and specific you were with the characters, the countries at war, the political happenings and of course, the emotions of those held captive and for those struggling in the country...

The incidents and characters were kept clean and you just focused on the story at hand, which I liked, the back and forth story lines were well setup so the reader didn't totally drift into another era... For someone who has never sat through a history lesson, this could certainly be a stand-in, with personal and emotional value.

All families go through times of revelations, secrets and issues and your book covers these subjects in an authentic and realistic way.

I am not an expert but I believe the demographic for this book is not just for the mature or middle-aged, many young readers would be attracted to its historical value also.

I will probably see this on a Barnes & Noble bookshelf one day, and I would pick it up without hesitation.

Good luck with the rest of its journey

Thanks for introducing to this wonderful piece of work.
Max stars
FC

David Price wrote 356 days ago

Ronald, I've just finished Chapter 1, and wish I had time to read more today. This is quite a story, both touching and informative. I also have to mention that I spent a year in South Cotabato in 1970 as a Rotary Exchange student. In fact, the last chapters of my book are set there. It was one of the happiest years of my life, and allows me to conclude my book on a hopeful note. So there is particular resonance for me in your story, and I will be back for more as soon as I can. For now, five stars.
David
MASTER ACT: a memoir

Tod Schneider wrote 363 days ago

Sorry it's taken me so long to take a look. I'm pretty backed up on read requests.
You've done a good job with story telling, and documenting an important slice of history. You're at your best with the anecdotes that you share.
You might want to reconsider the phrase "embraced her lips" in the last paragraph of chapter 1 -- that doesn't sound right to me, unless he's hugging her lips with his arms.
Best of luck with this!
Tod Schneider
I'm in a VERY different genre, but of course take a look if you'd like:
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Lena M. Pate wrote 370 days ago

A very well written story with good hooks to keep the reader interested. I liked the going back and forth between the story lines and the characters are well built. The history is not so far back that it isn't remember and it brings to light how one life and lifetime bleeds and feeds into another.

patio wrote 376 days ago

December Gold is close to my heart. A load of aspects are identical to personal experience.

Kerrie Price wrote 382 days ago

Beautifully written. Not my kind of book, Ronald, but I know it would appeal to many who have served in the forces, and their families. I've rated it five stars.

TDonna wrote 392 days ago

Great start, good flow, good pace and writing style. It made me emotional about Alaya and her parents, but it portrayed a selflessness of our soldiers. I will return very soon for more.
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Shelby Z. wrote 394 days ago

This is a well written book.
I would have liked to read chapter 1, but it didn't come up.
Anyways, I like your story a lot. It has an originality to it. I haven't read any book like this one. I like they way you develop it and leave a tension always in the air.
The names are really great. I enjoy new names.
Good work.
Best wishes with it.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Melissa Writes wrote 399 days ago

I really enjoyed reading this - I like the use of cliff-hangers/small mysteries at the end of the chapters that made me want to keep reading on (e.g wondering what was in the pouch at the end of chapter one - I was intrigued by that).
The MS is well-written but I noticed a touch of repitition here and there and maybe a few overlong sentences. Apart from that, the story flowed beautifully. Great job!
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

junetee wrote 403 days ago

This is a most enjoyable book and I was hooked to the story from the beginning. I read seven chapters and had to stop myself. What a page turner!
The story flows so well, and although you revert back in time, and then back again, you do it well.
A great story with a strong backbone.
Highly starred
Junetee(Four Corners)

grantdavid wrote 404 days ago

A fine, stirring piece of work, Ronald, told rather than written, like a fireside story, so that we miss all the marks of a novel, such as clear, controlled punctuation, well-indicated changes of mood, subtly introduced history of this war, planned preparation for climaxes, and general management of the whole.The highly dramatic plunge into the midst of the conflict might have benefited from reference back to Pearl Harbour, and the Burmese and Malayan invasions by Japan, etc.

Your statement "that carried our troops to victory in 1945". In Luzon, yes, but what about the fatal campaigns in Iwo Jima, Okinawa, and finally the atomic bomb?
With more accuracy, as so fully detailed by other authonomists, your book would have significant promise.
I'm putting it on my W/L in the expectation of that.
David Grant,
"Pompey Chimes"

grantdavid wrote 404 days ago

A fine, stirring piece of work, Ronald, told rather than written, like a fireside story, so that we miss all the marks of a novel, such as clear, controlled punctuation, well-indicated changes of mood, subtly introduced history of this war, planned preparation for climaxes, and general management of the whole.The highly dramatic plunge into the midst of the conflict might have benefited from reference back to Pearl Harbour, and the Burmese and Malayan invasions by Japan, etc.

Your statement "that carried our troops to victory in 1945". In Luzon, yes, but what about the fatal campaigns in Iwo Jima, Okinawa, and finally the atomic bomb?
With more accuracy, as so fully detailed by other authonomists, your book would have significant promise.
I'm putting it on my W/L in the expectation of that.
David Grant,
"Pompey Chimes"

wagnerco wrote 412 days ago

The characters and settings that you displayed were authentic and real. It almost felt as if I were part of the world that you bring to the reader .. I was comfortable with the style of writing, and found it very hard to stop reading. Excellent read. Backed with pleasure!!!

Philthy wrote 421 days ago

Hi Ronald,
I’m here for our read swap. Sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth (and feel free to ignore whatever you disagree with).
Prologue
Brilliant imagery and smooth sentence structures. However, a lack of commas in key places make some parts a more tedious read than they need to be. For instance, “The dignitaries lined up in their traditional place for ceremonies such as this seemed excited about the events unfolding,” ought to have a comma after “dignitaries” and “this.” Otherwise, it sounds like they’re in the act of lining up, instead of you describing them already lined up. Just something to think about. There are other examples like this. I know some don’t think this is a big deal, and it really isn’t a huge deal, but strategic and proper uses of punctuation help an author control how the reader interprets what he or she is reading.
“older, white-haired gentleman” you can drop older, as white-haired implies older.
Strong dialogue.
The pros: Strong language paints a vivid picture. Wonderful flow and a knack for storytelling. Strong dialogue makes for great characterization.
The cons: Wordiness at times (some things could be condensed, consolidated or whittled down). Punctuation—I’m not a complete grammar hawk, but when a lack of or misused punctuation disrupts or hides the wonderful writing that’s there, it’s something worth noting.
Ultimately, I don’t think this reads like a final, polished draft. However, I love your writing style and your method of storytelling. This is strong stuff. Highly starred and I’ll gladly give it a spot on my shelf when space becomes available.
Best of luck. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on mine when you get the chance. It’s a completely different style and genre, but it’s always great to get feedback from a gifted writer.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

AudreyB wrote 447 days ago

Hi, Ron–this is an unforgivably late return review from AudreyB. I recently audited my comments and discovered I owed TWENTY TWO reciprocal reviews. I am filled with shame. On the other hand, my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag, never feels shame. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea. (I’m down to just a handful now.)

You and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum, comma-wise. I am mentally adding them in, as surely as you subtracted them when reading my manuscript. But your meaning is coming across just fine. It’s a stylistic matter.

What we have in common is that our dads fought in the War. My dad served in the Royal Navy as a Naval Commando—a very small bunch, from what I can tell. He arrived at Normandy the day after the big day. And my mom is German. So I have an affinity for any and all stories about the war, but a bit of a blind side when it comes to the Pacific Theater.

The opening scene or prologue , I think, tells us too much about your MC’s (or your) personal beliefs. I think it would be stronger were you to show us the sights he sees and then let him drift into the personal remembrance of the key events of the story. After you’re published, you’ll have many opportunities to share your essay about the Memorial.

“The beach was lined with palm trees as he came within site of the landing.” Should be sight.

This opening paragraph, in which a young soldier dies rather abruptly, doesn’t have the power and strength it should. One way to improve it is to kill all the verbs of being. Another is to show us what Jacob is seeing as he sees it: Jacob admired the palm trees as the island came into view. For a moment, the pretty island seemed like a vacation spot, and he gave an excited wave to his friend Billy from training camp. Then a mortar ripped into Billy’s LCM, and his friend disappeared from view. To Jacob it looked like….”

I thought I had read every type of scenario possible for the various beach landings, but this is a new one for me. Tank crushes man, asks GI to save baby.

I’ve noticed a number of commenters gave you feedback about wordiness. Here’s an example: “Enrique became obsessive about leading his family…” You can say instead, “Enrique obsessed about leading his family…” “A plan of how to find his gold became a priority.” You can say, “He wrote down how to go about it.”

Enrique’s story is another very powerful story rendered in less than powerful language. Part of the issue is the pacing. We learn about Enrique’s fate n Ch1, and then get a lot of backstory in Ch2. I think Enrique’s backstory would make an excellent beginning. Then give us the American side for a bit, then back to Enrique. You could create amazing suspense, get the reader to cry when the wife dies. Contrast the death of Enrique’s wife with the death of Billy so the reader has to think of those who love Billy.

I hope there is a continuing market for stories such as these. I can’t get enough of them.

Wishing you all the best with your ms, and I apologize again for taking so long to return your read.
~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Lacydeane wrote 456 days ago

I really like this story. It is told with great passion and detail. I like your characters. You made me care. You are definitely a talented writer. You've written an interesting and easy to read piece of literature. Great job. Lacy

A G Chaudhuri wrote 458 days ago

Dear Ronald,

You need to shorten a few sentences and avoid repetition. That will take the wordiness away from your narrative and make for easier reading. That’s by far my only criticism. There are a few other small glitches. But they are mostly editing issues, nothing that a careful read-aloud can’t correct.

Now, with that out of the way, here’s what I think of the story. The prologue was beautifully descriptive. Different people reacting differently in the same situation, yet believing in the same spirit and dream. Jacob advising his children against glorifying war carried such an important message. Great opening.

I really liked the way the scene shifted to January 1945. Very visual; for better effect, you can put in a separate chapter. Mentioning the full form of LCM (Landing Craft, Mechanised) once will also be helpful for some readers. The intense narrative made the action, come alive. The plot elements came in hard and fast, and made for a thoroughly captivating read.

I had to stop for paucity of time, but will certainly read the rest of this remarkable story later. The narrative reads like a movie screenplay, replete with quickly shifting POVs. Some of it may need to be sorted out, but like I said before, no big deal. You'll be hearing more from me. Meanwhile, 5 bright stars to 'December Gold'.

Best regards,
AGC


Karen Eisenbrey wrote 460 days ago

Ronald,

I have read the first three chapters of December Gold. This has the makings of an engrossing historical adventure story wrapped around a family drama. Hidden gold, family secrets, war stories -- lots of potential there!

I have some suggestions regarding organization that might make it hang together better. The 21st century prologue works as an introduction -- it's the end of the story, and the characters have learned things that the reader is about to find out. It would be helpful to know a little about who Rollie is and why he's there earlier than we do. I didn't have a sense of what kind of person he was or how old he was or what his interest was in the memorial. We do finally learn that his father was in the war, so that's good. You might try condensing his memories of the stories his father told about the war; it starts to feel redundant.

Although it is not labeled as such, I believe the January 1945 section is meant to be Chapter 1. Then is Chapter 2, you essentially go back and tell the same story from Enrique's point of view. Would it be possible to mesh these two sections, so the reader is given a bit of Jacob's experience and a bit of Enrique's, alternating between them until their stories intersect? That way what happens on the beach wouldn't be told twice and would have greater punch when it happens. Also, I think the reader would know Jacob better and have greater sympathy for him when he rescues the baby if there has been more lead-up to that key scene. It would also feel more natural to go back in time for the next chapter and fill in his story more.

Particularly in action scenes, consider splitting up or tightening long sentences to convey a more active sense of things. Use strong verbs to show the action, rather than telling about it. For example: Rollie noticed the man was wiping tears from his eyes which caused tears to form in his own eyes. Try something like: As the man wiped tears from his eyes, Rollie blinked back a tear of his own.

I noted a few specific edits for correction:

Prologue:
In dialogue, separate each speakers' lines into a new paragraph.

The sentence beginning "His father was a mystery . . ." does not need to be in quotes.

Why are Rollie and Laurel given their full names and titles in the middle of the prologue? It would make more sense to do this when they are first introduced. What are they doctors of? I assume it's important.

Is it significant that Laurel calls him James and he calls himself Rollie?

Chapter 1

. . . came within site . . . you want "sight"

stanch should be staunch

As the boat lurched upward that is when he saw the baby. Cut "that is when"

. . . he demanding . . . you want demanded

The lieutenant's point of view does not add much; I'd advise staying with Jacob's.

There's a stray quotation mark after dead man's identity? And it isn't a question, so replace the question mark with a period.

Chapter 2
Early on, establish where Enrique is and why. You might detail the smelting process while he is reflecting on things, to add a touch of authenticity.

There is no need to put quotes around lines that are not dialogue. For example: There was no doubt, he believed, Yamashita's soldiers would not leave anyone alive in the compound.

In the scene with Enrique and Tokutomi, the pronouns are not always clear. "He" could be either of them.

Tokutomi speaks a line that is partly dialogue, partly exposition: "When Japan loses the war, which he and many others . . ." Clear this up.

He erroneously told the Prince his need . . . This makes it sound like he told the Prince in error or by mistake, when what I think you mean is that he deliberately misled the Prince in order to get what he wanted.

crane like devise should be crane-like device. (How is it not just a crane?)

Is the sheet steel or iron? You go back and forth.

If it took a crane to get it into position, how was Enrique able to move it by himself after building his vault?

more tedious that it actually was . . . You want "than"

. . . his time and usefulness . . . was at hand and presumably at an end. Cut "at hand and"

Chapter 3
"It was like a rite of passage?" Jacob said. Who is he talking to, and why is it a question?

"It would cost him about $1200. . ." Cut "him"

simplistic beauty I don't think you really mean simplistic. Simple or unaffected would make more sense.

"I don't know how much more of my father's drinking I can take?" is not a question.

Switching to Johnny's point of view is jarring and doesn't add much. Would it be possible to keep it in Jacob's POV? He would overhear the phone calls, and then his father appears, a changed man, and explains what happened.

You have wrangled a large cast of characters and a complicated story here, and I wish you well with it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
ENDURANCE
TIME SQUARED

D. S. Hale wrote 465 days ago

Chapter one was riveting. The writing is smooth, clear and crisp. I didn't find any errors, spelling or otherwise. You did a great job editing your manuscript! I am giving you 6 stars and putting you in my WL to read further. Great job!

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

CGHarris wrote 468 days ago

I just read the first two chapters. This story is full of vibrant imagery and has a historical feel that draws you right in. This is not my usual cup of tea, but I think you have done a great job with it. Thanks for the read. High stars on this one.

Dianna Lanser wrote 471 days ago

Ron,

I read through chapter six and found myself totally captivated by your story. A long time ago I had read through chapter two, so I merely skimmed the the first two just to reacquaint myself with the plot. It all came back to me quickly.

The beginning of your book definitely grabs the reader with Rollie’s remembrance of his father and the tragedy of Enrique’s lost hopes and the ultimate death of him and his wife. It is all so gripping and very moving.

Chapter three introduces John, Jacob, and their life that is marked with it’s own strain of sad memories and difficulties. Then Japan bombs Pearl Harbor. A day that truly does live in infamy.

You wrote “A chill of patriotism and excitement ran up the spine of seventeen years old Jacob as he listened with eyes and ears glued to the radio.” A chill went up my spine too. The words of President Roosevelt are very stirring. It brings back the horrific memories of Sept 11. and made me proud and thankful to be an American.

You do a wonderful job chronicling the events of Dec 7, 1941 and afterwards. I really enjoyed seeing those days through the eyes of Jacob - too young to fight and not even sure he wanted to. Life was going good finally.

Ron, I know I’ve told you this before, but I was imagining my dad as I read about Jacob. My dad was 18 too when he was drafted. He told me when he arrived in New York Harbor and saw the battered destroyer that was to be his base of operation for the next two years, he thought he was never going to make it home. But he did! And oh, the stories he had… December Gold also resonates with me too in that I grew up right by Fort Custer or Camp Custer. My dad and I used to ride our motorcycles around the old barracks, peeking inside in hopes of finding some long lost treasure. Now it’s used by the National guard - a handful of fighter jets… pretty cool.

Anyway, although I thought Jacob’s war experience was really very intriguing and interesting, I did feel the plot slows a bit. You do sprinkle this time with a continuing unsettledness in Jacob’s mind that he is meant for more - that he is feeling someone else’s pain. This serves to keep the tension until Jacob comes to rescue the baby. I loved that you allow the reader to really live the war through the thoughts of Jacob, a character that you have made the reader to care about so much.

By the end of chapter six, you bring the reader full circle to the tragic demise of Enrique and his family. And we see that Enrique’s gold becomes President Truman’s great mystery to solve.

I peeked a little a chapter seven and it looks like the search for gold is what spurs the plot on. I can tell there is more intrigue and mystery in store!

Ron, I am so impressed with your writing and your story. It is smooth, easy to read and captures the imagination and heart of your reader. I wish I had another six stars to give you. I do have a warm spot on my shelf though….

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Wanttobeawriter wrote 471 days ago

DECEMBER GOLD
This is an intriguing story. I used to work at a veteran’s hospital and loved to listen to stories of WWII so I felt right at home reading this. The story of the hidden gold is interesting; I’m betting people will read this and take off for Manila to try and find that cave of gold. I like the way you include back story detail when you introduce your characters; fleshes them out nicely and makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

ScottTrimas wrote 477 days ago

Great story! I loved everything you wrote and I can't wait to read more later on.

bdavis11 wrote 516 days ago

Wow, what a great story! I'm about to start Chapter 3 and I was just wondering what an LCM is??

bdavis11 wrote 516 days ago

Oh my goodness, what a page turner! I just finished chapter 1 and I can't wait to read the rest!

Ian Walkley wrote 574 days ago

Hi Ron,
I see you have lots of comments, so I will try to focus on some other things. You have a good story, I think. It would help if you could create even more empathy by trying to get into the characters’ points of view a little more, showing us by their actions what they think, rather than simply telling us. (Show don’t tell). The prologue and chapters could be tightened considerably, which would up the pace, and excitement for the reader. At the moment, you also use lots of adverbs and adjectives. Could cut down this and use stronger verbs and nouns.
Congratulations on the story, though. It is a great piece of work. Here are some other minor comments:
Short Pitch: I think there is too much going on here. We need a short, snappy sentence or question that hooks the reader. What is the big What If here? What are the stakes?
Long Pitch: Overall a good pitch, but a couple of minor fix-ups. Who is Rollie? Is he Professor Marclay? You mention “this young baby” in the second para. What young baby? You mention a Japanese Christian in the third para as a vital character. But where is he in the first or second paras?
Prologue: I think the prologue would be better if it were just the story about finding the baby. “defending our country…” “carried our troops to victory…” Are you intending to try and publish outside the US?
With dialogue, it would help distinguish the speakers to have different people on new lines.
“Retelling his experience…as his easel.” One is painting, the other is speaking.
LCM?
“Rollie was consoled by what he now knew about the secret kept hidden.” Maybe this could be worded more clearly? Obviously the secret was no longer hidden.
There are a few too many “excited” and “excitedly”. Maybe try to change some of them.
Would Jacob call a baby a “kid”? He “yelled out loudly” – yelling suggests loud.
“naked as the day she was born” – cliché
Ch 1: Should talalog be tagalog?
You put a great deal of backstory in Ch1, which slows down the action considerably.
“Time had certainly passed since then, he fervently thought.” Not sure how you think fervently?
It is certainly difficult to understand how Enrique could feel joy at working for the Japanese after what he witnessed.

Dianna Lanser wrote 579 days ago

Ron,

December Gold is a page turner for sure! You have developed your plot so that it makes it nearly impossible for the reader to put it down. You have made me care about Jacob, John, Susan. Aunt Flo and Uncle Ed, and of course baby Alaya. What suspense you have created. What will happen to Alaya and Jacob? How will he ever discover the map in the locket and will he be able to decipher it? I was quite captivated by the whole story and want to read more, but it is late… Ron, the title you have chosen for your book is perfect and you have a wonderful long pitch. I was excited to read the reference to the destroyer in chapter one. My dad was on the U.S.S. Patterson in the South Pacific in the later part of WWII.

There were a couple things I noticed while I was reading that you might want to give some attention to. In the prologue (I think) the sentence starting: “there are so many memories present in this place that (it) would…

For us civilians, may tell us just once what a LCM is.

Chapter one, third paragraph, the sentence starting “As he squatted…“ is kind of complicated.

In the end of chapter two, the point of view shifts back and forth from Enrique to Jacob. This probably should stay consistent.

Finally, in chapter three when you shift to Johnny’s point of view, separate this with some space or asterisks. I noticed a little shifting back and forth from Jacobs and Johnny’s point of view too.

I can tell this is going to prove to be a very exciting book, Ron. Good job and many blessings. Six stars and a backing soon to come.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood