Bite

Fuck me, this is good stuff. Just read the latest additions. One of the few books I would keep permanently on my bookshelf (the other few are no longer on this site).

No! No! There has to be more! Tell me there's more, please?

Um, you might say I'm enjoying your story and I don't even get into vampires. But this is pretty amazing!

As far as critique, I'd love to see you remove some more adverbs, especially "urgently" which is way overused. But nobody's perfect. Really love this!

Anne
Closeted Courage

Wow.......this is seriously hot stuff! Erotic pumped up to the max! And you are a bloody good writer.... this book is something delightfully naughty to keep hidden under the bed to read for a night of glorious self indulgence.....

(still sniggering at Suzie Q's comments....she skim reads people's pitches and always gets what the books really are about wrong!)

Okay I will confess that I have bugger all idea what is happening plot wise. I am absolutely lost, I have no idea what Connor is up to and why. But you write such beautifully steamy sex scenes, wonderfully done and just, frankly damn hot!
Backed.

Ch. 16

Be as little wordy as possible in action scenes. The more words you have, the slower the reader has to go.

Nikki punched his arm. “Concentrate, moron.”

Also, this may be a British English as opposed to American English thing, but there are lots of seemingly unnecessary prepositions. ‘brought up suddenly’ as opposed to ‘brought from’ (or better yet ‘ejected from his thoughts’—something else with a bit more action than ‘brought’). Also, ‘parked in’ vs ‘parked’.

Outside of the church could do with a bit more description—for instance, where are they parking? Loved the grimy windows, btw.

His arms and legs shackled (missing comma) holding him immobile…

His body heat (missing comma) to Connor (missing comma) to burn through their clothes, and he fidgeted slightly, arousal building in him merely at the other(missing apostrophe)s proximity. Might even be better if you cut to the chase: Mishka’s body burned through the cloth, and Connor’s arousal built, intoxicated by his lover’s closeness.

‘By the way’ has a casual aside feeling to it, even if it’s grammatically correct in that instance. Maybe ‘From the way Mishka acted, the feeling was mutual’ or something to that effect.

When the edge of Mishka’s small, sharp teeth… erection (missing comma) he whimpered.

(Unnecessary ‘He knew for sure that’) Mishka was torturing him on purpose (it’s a cliché), then all of a sudden (another oft-used phrase here) (missing comma) Mishka stopped (unnecessary ‘completely’). Mishka’s small, deliberate movements tortured Connor’s throbbing cock. Something like that. Action pack your language, make it as tight as the oft-mentioned asses ;)

Good chapter. Great smut. Kinda wonder what happened to Nikki. He sort of disappeared. Do they ever threesome? Could be intriguing >:D

Ch. 15

The cleaners had been (unnecessary comma) removing the last stains…

In the fight between Mishka and Nikki, Nikki kicks Mishka’s ankles ‘as part as they would go’ instead of ‘as far apart’ (first time he does it, before the fingering).

Nikki goes to bed ‘unable to keep himself (missing ‘from’) grinning madly.

Okeedokee…. Time for more comments…

Ch. 12.
Keep one gender on the cat. I suggest ‘it’ to avoid pronoun confusion (scratched it behind his ears)

Intro Max sooner and why he’s in the maze. He very suddenly gets a name, but, by his first mentioning, I’d figgered he was just food for somebody and not all that important.
I’m not sure if you’re wanting all the nits. Most nits are issues of invisible commas. (On occasion, Unfortunately, Over the next few days, and, without speaking, etc.)
Extra space According to Nikolai , The First)
Something I think would immensely help the readability of the piece is putting dialogue on the same paragraphs as the action by the speaker.

For instance:
The vampire’s grin broadened. “Nor do I care to.”
Connor shivered beneath his piercing stare.
“But I would bet safe money on the likelihood of it hurting,” he added sadistically. “You’ve pissed him off, Mr. Chambers, and that’s never a good idea.”
It’s something I’ve noticed through the whole piece and, if you split it up and stack it together, I think it’ll look much more polished and easy on the eyes.

Ch. 13
When Mishka enters Nikolai’s apartment, teenagers needs an apostrophe.
I must say, in this scene with Nikolai and Mishka… Awww! Nikki has a soul!
Ch. 14
Love the imagery at the beginning. What cheerful mountains ;)
I know this is weird, but I actually hadn’t expected Connor to be turned. After all, pretty much every human eventually becomes turned or food in vamp lit.

What he could feel (missing ‘was’) far more important now than what he could see.
The truth he didn’t want to acknowledge (missing ‘was’) getting clearer and clearer.
The dry heave sentence makes sense but is redundant. If you have something in you, you vomit; if not, you dry heave. His guts might convulse and he discover that there is nothing inside, but it’s silly to dry heave only to discover that there is nothing in you.
Odd, I always pictured Nikki having pale blond hair and blue eyes, yet you just mentioned him having black hair. Maybe it’s the decidedly Hiruma-like qualities in his devilish personality (Go watch Eyeshield 21. It’s rife with slash opportunities. I can just picture it now…)

Battle with the First (happened a bit too abruptly) bit: realization of what he was (extra ‘in’) sinking in
Hunter should probably be capitalized. Check for missing commas around names and titles in dialogue.
The sex scene between Nikki and Connor was the best so far. Day-yum.
I love Nikki. Sign me up for the fan page.

Just read through 11. You'll want to do a Find/Replace for Little One (and decide if you want the One capitalized).

Action's really starting to pick up, but I must say that you have the weakest, weirdest vampires I've ever read. They're usually more godlike, less vulnerable and human than this. They sleep, they get beat up, they bleed, they get shot (and it means something). Weird, weird, weird. then you compound this with the notion of Feeders (which seem very cool). Odd.

Chapter 6 typo alert: after the hot seed splashes his insides, there should be a period to start the new sentence.

I'm through chapter 6 now.

Kinda wondering about the plot, though I suppose you've never tried to sell the work on story.

Loads of sex (some very well described sex and aspects of it I hadn't thought of and didn't know how to describe. Obviously, as much anal as I've had, I'll still never know what it's like to have my prostate touched). Intriguing.

Characters are also somewhat intriguing. I wish there had been more back story on Connor. I think it would be more fulfilling when he's getting off if I knew him better.

Smelt and leant don't work that well on this side of the pond. Obviously, you and the site are not American, but I hadn't even known about smell and lean having those alternate past tense forms.

In America, Lent is after Mardi Gras, lent is past of loan; and 'smelt is either a small fish or a smithing term for ore purification (as in 'smelting iron').

Learn something new every day.

Seems like you did a Find/Replace 'cloud' for 'White'. May want to go through your text and change some of those back

I'm into chapter 4 now, but I have to ask you something: Are you even interested in grammar nits and such?

Yes, I must concur. This is filthy, dirty vampire slash ;)

Elle - Okay, so I was looking for romance, and stumbled upon this. Forgive me, but I don't think this one is quite correctly categorized as Romance. I suppose they need a straight Erotica genre here. But I was curious, especially because it's slash, and I don't tend to read it. I give you lots of credit for writing good sex scenes between two male characters, but unlike others here who apparently were able to overlook (sometimes completely) the substance of the rest of the story peppered in between the copious sex scenes, I could not. So I will comment generally on that. Because you already know you write good sex. :)
First off, I felt like I'd stumbled into your story already in progress. There is no back story and I'm left feeling like I'm running after the proverbial bus, trying desperately to catch up. What is the Hell of the Red Priesthood? At the start we're introduced to a Priest (who is nothing like the public persona we all know - maybe this is some social commentary disguised as vamp fiction... If so, I salute you!) and Connor Chambers (sorry, but it sounds like a porn name!) who is a hunter with some strange powers, sent to seduce a vampy. We don't know why, nor can we care, but no worries. Here comes the sex! I'm five chapters in and I'm still not sure what this power of Connor's is, why he has it, or why sometimes he can't control it and what that means. All I get is that somewhere along the way we learn he's been in hell and he's not deathly claustrophobic. I can only imagine why. Yikes. It's clear you have this story locked up tightly in your head with ever detail displayed. But I'm not seeing it, and as a result, I feel like I'm missing something. It frustrates me. I want to see what you see. But you're not showing all of it to me. The passages about Mishka's training are interesting, but I don't get the why of it all. And where is any of this taking place? Europe? US? Alternate universe? See what I'm getting at? No sense of place with this (at least not after 5 chapters).
As for your writing, there were lots of places where I itched to get out my red pen and edit/correct. I won't list them here, but if you'd like, I'd be happy to show you a few chapters in private - message me! But you do have a lot of punctuation issues around quotes, dialog tag errors, and even occasional and out-of-place large words. It makes it seem like you were using a thesaurus in those places. Try not to make it obvious. Watch out for filter words, which reduce the impact of your writing. Like, "felt his cheeks begin to get hot." Instead - His cheeks flamed with shame. Much more powerful. And with a story like this, you want things to act like punches to the gut. So say it directly. Also, watch your point of view. If we're in Mishka's head, we shouldn't know what Caleb or Connor are thinking or why they're doing something. You must project and show their feelings in a physical way or through speech. While it's best to stick to one POV for as much as possible, if you need to swap heads for the sake of the story, make sure it's clearly marked with a bunch of these **** and a new paragraph. Do the same when you switch back.
Anyways, I hope this feedback was helpful. I did enjoy the sex scenes, really, but the rest of the story needed to have substance for me and be well-written, and I think right now it reads more like porn. :) I say that with the utmost respect for those in the industry, of course. But if that wasn't your goal, I'd try to work more on the technical aspects of your writing and the backstory. Pepper it in. And message me if you have any questions. Good luck!
-Laura

Bite.
Have had this on my WL since forever - since someone said you write the best sex scenes on Autho. You know what? I think whoever it was, was right. :D
Let me be very honest here - I don't enormously care about the whole vampire/human thing...or who's who...or what's what...I just really enjoyed the way you write sex. It's...sexy. :)
And yeah, your adverb cull has obviously paid off.
Best short pitch on the site too. Starred all over the place and will back it when I can - either here or will coerce Nobody to do the deed. :)

Interesting!!

Well written and different to what I usually read ... a lot different :D I'll come back with more when I've read more.

I slipped right into this little gem without any problems. It was easy to follow and left me wanting at the end of each chapter. The sex scenes are HOOOooooooOOOT! I like it, **blush**.
The only problem i had was when it slipped between scenes and i would struggle for a line or two to work out where i was, but other than that, a great read.

Claire C Riley
Limerence

read first chapter... long but worth it. will read more

Maybe I haven't read enough, but this seems miscategorised as erotica. I will back it for the writing.

well written and very quick and pacey. You write well and your writing has a real edge.

well done

Dean

Rough Justice

Vampire stories. This one starts off good, some tension. But the beats around the dialogue drags down the pace. Try not describing what they are saying so the pace and the tension will quicken.

Good job.

Abby

Blimey this is hot. And well written, so I don't have to just, y'know, skip forward to the fucking :D

Fucking and a plot? You are spoiling us, surely?

'Violent, kinky and explicit': this is my kinda book!
The writing is brilliant, the plot is fantastic, and the sex scenes....there are no words.

I believe it is properly written "slump forward" not "slump forwards".

Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

Review 1.0   ;)

The synopsis includes the line "Now with less adverbs!" which left me chuckling, especially as I'm chairwoman of the Adverbs Diet.

And it works. Bite is smoothly written like a vampire's cheek… your choice of cheeks. The scenes are finely sketched and characters nicely drawn.

Bite follows in the path pioneered by Anne Rice of homoerotic vamps equally designed with women's fantasies in mind. It's a dark, pleasant romp through the paranormal genre. Backed!

Oh, where to start... Okay, the book is heavily laden with explicit sex, but we already knew that. It was the drawing point, and when I read: “Absolute filth”... “Now with less adverbs”... and “I have dispensed almost entirely with the plot”... I had to wonder how on earth such writing could exist on a book site. I wonder no more. I read it, the whole thing, there seriously is no skim reading to be done for fear you will miss something vitally important. Parts of the plot are so well hidden that they can be missed in between the heavy breathing and sensous embraces which are handled by the author with an expertise rarely encountered in open public. From encounter to departure, the writing is detailed to intimate arousal and lurid participation of the mind, and yes, the body, of the reader. I am familiar with Nikolai’s apartment because I have been there, and there are shadows there, unspeakable shadows the author only reveals by bits and hinting. Well done, it is a place, like others in the book, that I can visualize, and taste and smell, and feel.

There comes a time, as it should, always, when one identifies the good from the evil, when one finds sympathy and feels contempt for the various characters, but the lines are not so defined in this book and the intrigue continues. As of chapter 11, I feel sorry for Mishka, hopeful for Conner, and put my trust in Nikolai to thwart the plans of Alexander, and at the same time, realize I may have gotten it all wrong. I could have desired a bit more plot, interweaved so well as what has been offered, but I’m content to trust the author, even to my own detriment, because that appears the nature of this story.

There are but a few times where the writer has changed tense mid-sentence, but a line edit will sort that out sufficiently enough. While there is a lack of plot, especially at the beginning, one tends to be drawn in by an author who takes command and takes the reader on a wild and unexpected ride, at times vicious and vulgar, at others tender and loving, and as a whole, an emotional yo-yo that entertains with surprise and suspense, expectations surpassed in each chapter.

This is not my usual type of reading material, but if you post more, I will read. This is headed to my shelf, ASAP, as I am torn for the characters I’m cheering for. Hooked. The Marquis de Sade would be proud.

Just read the first chapter - this has to be the best writing I've read on here. I never once felt like I was proofreading; it's so polished and well-judged.

Normally I tend to stick to the plausible deniability end of the market, but I've adored what I've seen so far. Six stars.

Thanks for your comment! I'm a a total yaoi fangirl, so I'm definitely going to be reading this as soon as I can rely on family not being around to peer over my shoulder and say "Whatcha readin?" :D

hello Elle-
bool- Bite-

Came across this book whilst browsing-not my genre but on this site i like to keep and open mind and read all books that appear to have publishing potential- and with the ranking high and climbing I read six chapters and scan read some more to the 11 posted.
At this stage the hair is standing on the top of my head, not having a book with so much erotic content.
However in this modern age when almost everything is acceptable, it seemed normal to accept the behaviour
of both Mishka and Caleb and others in this somewhat gripping read.
notwithstanding it's written in a straight forward and easy to read style, and I am certain it will go to the top and be published and in fact may go on to acquire film status. It's a fact, that Vampire stories are a sure seller this weather and this combined with sex will make it 'HOT',
It's different and it gets my six stars.

tom bye
' from hugs to kisses'
mine, well , so demure by comparison, however it's dark in some chapters- please read-18-and darker-c28- and darker again- c39- thanks

This is the hottest book on this site. Please write more! I want to see what happens to Mischa. Kill Alexander! But then you can't, can you? Damn, a catch 22. Anyway, in relation to the characters Mischa is my favourite, then Connor close behind--or should I say in front or underneath, lol. Anyway, your story is sexy as hell as were your desciptions of the men. Hot! You should send your story into one of the M/M specialty publishers as I'd buy it in a second. And if they're too stupid to snap it up self-publish it, because as I said I'd buy it in a second. M/M stories are very popular, and it's not just gay men that like then, because apparently I've read that women are the biggest customers. Check it out in Josh Lanyon's "Man, Oh Man! Writing M/M Fiction for Kinks & Cash." An excellent resource with all the M/M publishers in it, plus heaps more. Anway, ciao for now, Harlen. P.S. I'm going to bug you until you write some more for me :)

I read this after reading "the cross and the black" ... Oh my! Simply put - this is excellent. Whilst it isn't everyone's cup of tea, any erotica lover, regardless of sexual preference will enjoy this book! As a straight female - I know I did and their preferences certainly aren't mine!
Great stuff :)

Wow this is very hot. Really hot. Sex writing is for most engaging and does not feel too contrived. When Nikolai wanted to take Connor, that strained credulity. And the thing about the sex toys was a bit much for me. After one,two, three butt sex episodes, you feel the need for even bigger to top that. There doesn't need to be a sex every chapter. Even mind-blowing sex gets boring after awhile. Such is life. Still, the writing was hot. Very hot.

Now, that is out of the way, we need to talk about plot and characters. Plot feels like it's searching for a goal. I think you should go back make sure things fit together right from the beginning. Strengthen the plot and space out the sex scenes. Ground more setting.

Connor was the bad bad hunter, but he feels too sissified the whole time he is with Mishka. Then for quite bit he was too passive. I quite liked him in the beginning because he had his own things to do. I thought it was funny in the first chapter when he sleeps with Mishka and Miska doesn't let him go. But I was quite disappointed with his growing passivity as the chapters progressed. His scenes were static in the apartment. He lost his bad boy thing going on.

I felt that the story between Mishka and Caleb dragged for quite a bit in the beginning. It think it would be stronger, if you made the plot tighter. Forget about the sex for a while, just focus on plot.

Ok, you have vampires but they don't feel like vampires. There are few instances of biting and such but nothing to really suggest the ferocity of vampires. And I was not too sure if your vampires are immortal. (Mishka I suppose is quite old and but looks quite young.) But you don't really feel the old years in their characters and such. Nikolai asking Connor to check Mishka's body for blood raised some eyebrows. I would have thought Mishka would heal or something. Perhaps I was too hot with the sex and I didn't notice your story too much.

Anyway I read all your chapters. And I quite enjoyed it.

Very entertaining! I like the unusual spin of using a man for vampire bait. A very clever porno! Love it!
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

OMG I cannot believe Michael told me to read this!

Having said that I read it all! LMAO - and I LOVED it. I can only comment on story and the writing - as I am not a writer the technical aspects are not my forte. I read it all in one hit (have to choose my words carefully here:D) and did not stumble at all over the writing. On the contrary I think you write very well and because of this I found myself completely hooked - line and sinker.

Needless to say I did blush on occasion and read it on my own away from a certain pair of eyes - he knows who he is!

Anyway, Elle, well done - before this I was a virgin to erotica but I think I may seek out more - LMAO

Jess

This will go on my shelf when there's room :)

Ellie!!
OK, I started reading this at work...I'm going to have to stop until I get home, this is naughty! The writing though, so far, is very good, almost cinematic. I'll be reading more of this later!
Silva

Well, I'm sure my wife will be along at some point to comment as she hasn't been able to extract her nose from the computer screen for days - reading your book!!!

I have read some of it and must say it brought a few tears to my eyes and not the emotional kind! A cold shower is always welcome in the hot weather and, thankfully, April has been quite hot - don't you think.

This is certainly well written and the first chapter gave me a false sense of security 'ahh...' I thought, 'I like this' and then C2 hit me right between the ... ahem .... Anyway, this is my first erotica novel and very eye-opening it is too. I will continue to read but, as I said before, I'm sure Yvette will be able to give you a much more pertinent comment. :D

Richard

Still on my shelf. Still waiting for more.

A good pace, graphic and certainly not subtle, but then it’s not supposed to be.

I found the first chapter slightly confusing – lots of questions about who these people are and there circumstances but no real answers. I guess these come later, but with so much uncertainty I found it a bit frustrating and would have appreciated some subtle hints as to Connor and Mishka’s pasts to hook me in a little more. The jump between chapter 1 and chapter 2 seemed very abrupt. Again, some subtle allusion to Mishka’s past in chapter 1 might have helped me with this.

A few punctuation issues, including the use of the possessive apostrophe, but nothing an edit won’t sort out

Most importantly, for the target audience, it does what it says on the tin (or, in this case, the pitch). I am sure a good many people are going to enjoy this.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

I have read it all, in the first sitting and I must say I LOVE your writing. It's my first erotica novel, but certainly won't be my last if the writing is anything like this.

Your characters are very well drawn - I adore Mishka and Caleb comes (oops) a close second (shame he dies). I like the way their relationship blossoms (for want of a better word :D) from teacher/pupil to lovers ... so to speak :)

Connor has guts to do what he does ... and that Alexander well, he gives me the creeps, so good writing on your part with that.

The end ... left me dangling :) and I'm going to be completely shameless and ask .... when's the next installment?

On my shelf when there's room (and probably for a while).

Lynn

wowowow!

I have to come back and read more!

Christus

I love the narration. Keep it up.
All the best.
S>Vinay kumar,
10 roses for love

Don't usually read vampire stories. This one definitely caught my attention though. Backed and rated.

Cat
Twisted
Lies & Love

Hot stuff. I like it.

I read to the end of chapter 1 to see just how filthy it was... oh my... on my watchlist (soon backed) and I will read it from the beginning:)

OMG, your bio pic brought me to your book (cool pic by the way - Connor?)
When I read STRICTLY ADULTS ONLY and VAMPIRES in the same sentence, I had to read it and good thing too. It's bloody brilliant. I love Connor and his one liners "Seduce the boss vamp" hehehe
Mishka is a man whoa! I wasn't expecting that. I'm half way through chapter 2. This is gooood!!! Double thumbs up to you. 6 starred.
Asma
The Therions
(You don't have to take a look at my book but if ever you're bored - I'd appreciate it. :D )

OMG, your bio pic brought me to your book (cool pic by the way - Connor?)
When I read STRICTLY ADULTS ONLY and VAMPIRES in the same sentence, I had to read it and good thing too. It's bloody brilliant. I love Connor and his one liners "Seduce the boss vamp" hehehe
Mishka is a man whoa! I wasn't expecting that. I'm half way through chapter 2. This is gooood!!! Double thumbs up to you. 6 starred.
Asma
The Therions
(You don't have to take a look at my book but if ever you're bored - I'd appreciate it. :D )

Now that is what I'm talking about - well delivered, hardcore vampire, brilliant writing - would I buy it off a shelf? definitely!

recommended on my FB page Elle.

Rob

I have read it all and I’m left with a feeling of being cheated. What a cliff-hanger!

I have to say that I have never looked at erotica literature before other than a few porn mags in my youth. This however, kept me glued, although I could only manage two or three chapters at a time (and I’m not going to elaborate on why). I put my fascination down to the fact that your writing is very accomplished and you have a fine way of expressing/describing the action.

It’s true to say that the plot is in there somewhere, and it’s an intriguing one, but one does get distracted by the explicit sexual scenes. Although enjoyable to read, they can become slightly tedious (only slightly :D). I want more action in other ways, to move me along the storyline, which, as I said before, becomes lost as other senses take over (I’m revealing a lot about myself here and not sure if that’s a good thing, especially on a public forum!).

However, this is an erotica novel, therefore – even though your writing is excellent – I’m left wanting a whole lot more from your story. So maybe erotica isn’t for me. Although I have to say, it’s been enjoyable finding out that it’s not really my cup of tea - and I put that down to your talent as a writer to keep me reading.

Having said that, as I have started and read it thus far, I am intrigued to see how it ends.

And I disagree with your comment on the forum – I believe if you took out the sex scenes you’d have at least twelve pages and not ten, as you suggested!

Mick X

BTW there are some typo's, missing words etc but I'm sure you'll sort it when you do your remorseful HARD edit!

How wonderful you are, Elle!! :) Thank you so very much for again backing my memoirs/testimony book? :) God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to see if I had ******-ed your book & it is ******-rated (6 gold ******'s) :) Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because I'm 9 from the editor's desk & trying to be in the top 5 to be chosen, the end of December :) - I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 20 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after 9-1/2 months trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks earlier this year.

Well, I dared and fuck me, I'm buggered (writing wise, that is).How to follow this - don't think I can. On my shelf for a while (probably forever!) :D

Mick

I don’t quite know where to start with this review, so I’ll just dive in and say, up to this date this is my favourite book on this site. I don’t know what that says about me, but what it says about you is that your writing is damn hot. What I like the most (and I’m not pointing out the obvious) is your characters. Mishka, Connor, and Caleb are my three favourites, probably in that order. You’ve built Miskha up very well, from his appearance to his conflicting actions. Due to the abusive (but well hidden) nature of Alexander, Connor believes that Mishka is cold-hearted and the one causing the trouble. But with the inclusion of Mishka’s past (which was well done - alternating chapters) we learn that he was abused, and that he hides his true feelings and vulnerability behind a cold exterior.

As the story progresses you can see Connor breaking down Mishka’s defences. It takes a while for Connor to see it, but Mishka goes to great lengths to protect him, which also gives credence to Mishka’s character.

Connor is also described well, from his arrogance and disdain at the beginning to his slow, but growing connection to Mishka, then his concern for him (at the end of chapter 11). And, dammit, why does Caleb have to be killed off? I liked him. You’ve made him the right mixture of nice guy/harsh master. Also, I felt sorry for him because his love wasn’t fully reciprocated. He’s also got a lot of patience putting up with being called an idiot continuously. Plus, how can you not like someone that ultimately sacrifices themselves for the one they love? Unless you’ve tricked me, and he comes back-please say you’ve tricked me.

I really don’t like Alexander, but that’s perfect, because he’s the bad guy that people should love to hate. If his death didn’t mean the destruction of all the vampires in the book then I’d love to see Mishka slice him up. Nikolai is amusing, and their needs to be the selfish vamp in there.

I see that you’ve changed Connor to Lily in another version. Since I like Connor quite a bit I’m not sure how I’ll take to Lily but will read your new version and give you my thoughts as well. But, I suppose having a female and male coupling will be more commercially viable. It wouldn’t affect my decision anyway, as I’d still buy the original. People are still people, no matter what gender they are.

If you upload more I will definitely read it. Also, will The Priesthood be included in the future chapters? They look like an interesting bunch. You mentioned that you haven’t finished. Maybe you might like to put in some scenes where Mishka attacks them, a type of battle-action outside of the bedroom :-) You can either slot some in between the current chapters, or just include them gradually in forthcoming chapters. I'll send you my other notes via the message system.

That’s all for now. Ciao, Marita.

P.S. You’re going to give the Karma Sutra a run for its money.

I fucking hate vampire stories but this will be the first book i am gonna put on my shelf. Read the first few sentences and hoping to see that potential in the next few hundred sentences. A few weak and disjointed sentences, but so far, so good.

This is a wonderful story. I like the fact that with every chapter you get a glimpse into Mishaka’s past, giving us insight into the relationship with Connor, which is Smokin’ Hot. Love it! I cant wait to read what will happen with the first and hopefully this will be a hot happy ending.

Jon

What can I say? I find kinky and explicit quite stimulating. The violent elements, however, scare the pants off of me. What the hell? Am I exposed, or what? Simply, sex brings a smile to us older fellows. Nicely done.