Fred

Great title – great tags – hooked me straight away.

The insight into Fred’s mind is absolutely fantastic!! (One more)!
This is a brilliant take on life (can you guess yet I really liked this).
So funny – So backed

Thanks for watching! I appreciate it. Dave

I’ve added your book to my watchlist. Best of luck with it!

I’ve added your book to my watchlist. Best of luck with it!

Thanks so much for your backing and comments, Lisa.

Fred is a great character and through him you have expressed some brilliant emotions and turmoil. This is an intriguing tale that is written well and is amusing, entertaining and a good read.

Backed,

Lisa

Thanks, A. I'll go have a look at "Going"...Cheers, Dave

Fred has style with his uncoolness.
I am fascinated with this second coming of age.
I put this on my book shelf (that converts to a coffin on my death).
A Zoomer - a boomer with zip
BTW I'd love to hear what you think of Going Out in Style as I believe we are writing for the same Zoomer genre.

Pamela! I blush. Thanks for your comments. Dave

Hi Dave,

Fred is a masterpiece. Well written. Great original storyline. I'm shocked that it's not higher in the rankings. Hope to see it move up or there is no justice.

Pamela Frost
aka scatteredfrost
Houses of Cards

Hi Dave,

Fred is a masterpiece. Well written. Great original storyline. I'm shocked that it's not higher in the rankings. Hope to see it move up or there is no justice.

Pamela Frost
aka scatteredfrost
Houses of Cards

I love the cover and title of the book too.
A Zoomer
Going Out in Style

Fred has style with his uncoolness.
I am fascinated with this second coming of age.
I put this on my book shelf (that converts to a coffin on my death).
A Zoomer - a boomer with zip
BTW I'd love to hear what you think of Going Out in Style as I believe we are writing for the same Zoomer genre.

Fred has style with his uncoolness.
I am fascinated with this second coming of age.
I put this on my book shelf (that converts to a coffin on my death).
A Zoomer - a boomer with zip
BTW I'd love to hear what you think of Going Out in Style as I believe we are writing for the same Zoomer genre.

Fred is a great character and through him you have expressed some brilliant emotions and turmoil. This is an intriguing tale that is written well and is amusing, entertaining and a good read.

Backed,

Lisa

Indeed, you found a typo. Good catch, Aimee. And thanks for backing Fred.

Dave

I love the sarcasm you build into the panic as Fred is told that Carol is being held hostag by a man with a 'little hatchet'! This is very well written. I only spotted one mistake, which is that you have a speech opening before 'Fred said, "Why?" much louder...'

Baacked with pleasure.
Aimee

I love the sarcasm you build into the panic as Fred is told that Carol is being held hostag by a man with a 'little hatchet'! This is very well written. I only spotted one mistake, which is that you have a speech opening before 'Fred said, "Why?" much louder...'

Baacked with pleasure.
Aimee

I like the way you gently peel the emotional layers off Fred, finally exposing all the raw nerves, This is a carefully observed look at another human being from the inside.
Good luck.

This is an intriguing story. I didn’t know real estate agents took sabbaticals – I thought that was an academic term – but okay, either way, it creates a good plot for this. Fred is a good character; he’s sympathetic because of the stress he’s put under. The transcendent state from lawn-mowing is clever. Another plus is your writing style. It’s clear and engaging and keeps a story moving forward. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my desk. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Thanks so much, Carl. Dave

This is a great story and would make a great movie. Your prose is fluid, Fred is just the kind of character that everyone can get behind and your dialogue is sharp and very witty. It poses some very serious questions and in a way reminded me of HG Well's 'The History of Mr Polly.' And I can give no higher praise than that.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time hunters

This is a great story and would make a great movie. Your prose is fluid, Fred is just the kind of character that everyone can get behind and your dialogue is sharp and very witty. It poses some very serious questions and in a way reminded me of HG Well's 'The History of Mr Polly.' And I can give no higher praise than that.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time hunters

Many thanks, Paula.

I like your laconic style and will happily read more at a later date. Definitely headed for great things this Fred of yours. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-How Mean is my Valley)

I like your laconic style and will happily read more at a later date. Definitely headed for great things this Fred of yours. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-How Mean is my Valley)

Very amusing. I suggest you run it through edit the book daily to keep it near page one of latest books, if you want people to read it.

Tim Chambers aka bonalibro
Moonbeam Highway

Very amusing. I suggest you run it through edit the book daily to keep it near page one of latest books, if you want people to read it.

Tim Chambers aka bonalibro
Moonbeam Highway

Teric...you may or may not believe this. The dog thing happened. To me. Thanks for backing FRED.

Greetings Dave!

I laughed aloud at the intro- thinking Fred was scoping things out with a lovely looking lass! The descriptive imagery that you conveyed in that scene was impeccable- giving the reader the notion that Fred was, indeed, doing just that! And then, you dropped the bombshell that the subject he was attracted to was a dog! One suspects that Fred is not playing with a full deck! Kudos & backed!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100 / U-TURN KiLLuR)

Greetings Dave!

I laughed aloud at the intro- thinking Fred was scoping things out with a lovely looking lass! The descriptive imagery that you conveyed in that scene was impeccable- giving the reader the notion that Fred was, indeed, doing just that! And then, you dropped the bombshell that the subject he was attracted to was a dog! One suspects that Fred is not playing with a full deck! Kudos & backed!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100 / U-TURN KiLLuR)

Thanks. Are you kidding? I do do want advice, all I can get. I've made note of your critique for the next rewrite.
Dave

Nice style of writing and a great premise.

The only bit of advice that I can give you (if you want it, that is?) You tend to start a new paragraph with either Fred or He, try to change some.

Great work.

Melxx

Nice style of writing and a great premise.

The only bit of advice that I can give you (if you want it, that is?) You tend to start a new paragraph with either Fred or He, try to change some.

Great work.

Melxx

This is good stuff. I'll be back for more later. Fred should go far!! Gerry

This is literary gold. Those pitches closed the deal. Why is so hard to do pitches? Apparently not an issue for you. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Great story, I lost myself in the story a bit, which i certainly blame my english for that. apart from that i really enjoyed the your first chapter. backed with pleasure.

shah

Thanks loads, Mike.

Cool story, on my shelf. I could identify with Fred
and followed his adventures eagerly, nice style, and
i was glad it worked out for him.
best of luck...mikegilli The Free

Cool story, on my shelf. I could identify with Fred
and followed his adventures eagerly, nice style, and
i was glad it worked out for him.
best of luck...mikegilli The Free

Cully! Thanks for taking the time and trouble to give me your critique. I will keep and consider all this for my next rewrite. Cheers, Dave

You start off strong--and we feel Fred walking along, creepy in a way but definitely interesting.

I like the idea of his walking into the office, the blue blazers, the newness and strangeness of it all, but I'm not feeling it. I want to feel more of what I was feeling when he was walking, looking in the cars--like he's an outsider in the world he's in. The blue jackets are a good image--make the reader feel like how Fred is feeling, or how we imagine he is feeling.

When he feels his 'mood slipping' I feel him getting distant. Show his mood slipping--don't tell us it's slipping. It's not vital that he see her--he won't die if he doesn't. But show us it's vital somehow.

Get rid of "his mood was in a holding pattern..." it's too clever--or tries to be.

"The policewoman was the nearest piece..." doesn't work. Rewrite it or change it up somehow to work here.

Fred's conversation with the bank employee, where she's relaxed, says the hostage-taker just has "a little hatchet," etc. is difficult to believe. Everyone is too calm--or at least is pretending to be too calm. Show some tension--no screaming or anything, just stress and tension.

Banks can't be "expressionless." People can.

Not sure about "alien" soldiers.

You write well, but I wanted your characters, what they do, their emotions, to be more realistic to the scene(s). I wanted it to be more heartfelt, and have a better grip on why characters say and do what they do. You have the potential here, from the short amount I read, for something good--it just needs to be more subtle, less fantastic, and more real.

Cully

You start off strong--and we feel Fred walking along, creepy in a way but definitely interesting.

I like the idea of his walking into the office, the blue blazers, the newness and strangeness of it all, but I'm not feeling it. I want to feel more of what I was feeling when he was walking, looking in the cars--like he's an outsider in the world he's in. The blue jackets are a good image--make the reader feel like how Fred is feeling, or how we imagine he is feeling.

When he feels his 'mood slipping' I feel him getting distant. Show his mood slipping--don't tell us it's slipping. It's not vital that he see her--he won't die if he doesn't. But show us it's vital somehow.

Get rid of "his mood was in a holding pattern..." it's too clever--or tries to be.

"The policewoman was the nearest piece..." doesn't work. Rewrite it or change it up somehow to work here.

Fred's conversation with the bank employee, where she's relaxed, says the hostage-taker just has "a little hatchet," etc. is difficult to believe. Everyone is too calm--or at least is pretending to be too calm. Show some tension--no screaming or anything, just stress and tension.

Banks can't be "expressionless." People can.

Not sure about "alien" soldiers.

You write well, but I wanted your characters, what they do, their emotions, to be more realistic to the scene(s). I wanted it to be more heartfelt, and have a better grip on why characters say and do what they do. You have the potential here, from the short amount I read, for something good--it just needs to be more subtle, less fantastic, and more real.

Cully

Great title – great tags – hooked me straight away.

The insight into Fred’s mind is absolutely fantastic!! (One more)!
This is a brilliant take on life (can you guess yet I really liked this).
So funny – So backed

Backed with pleasure! Joss Morris (A Bore No More)

At the risk of repeating what's been said below, I love Fred. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn

Thanks, Liz.

I love Fred! The book and the character! This is well crafted and polished and I can easily see this in a book store and I'fd buy it! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

I love Fred! The book and the character! This is well crafted and polished and I can easily see this in a book store and I'fd buy it! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Wow. Thanks, Stubbinses. And others, as well. DN

Fred's ready. Get him published. Fred is breathing and real. Funny and warm.
Shelved.

Dan-Eunice Stubbins, among others...

Fred's ready. Get him published. Fred is breathing and real. Funny and warm.
Shelved.

Dan-Eunice Stubbins, among others...

This is great stuff, I have read quite a bit of your book before, but I do not remember backing it? I am now here to rectify that error. Backed. Good Luck Dave.
Norman. The Witcof Hambone books 1,2,&3. And, Muddledydo.

Excellent writing, Dave

You ought to be querying this to agents/publishers. FRED will soon be in print, I have no doubts. I loved the first chapter. Excellent writing

Eileen Schuh Canadian Author FIREWALLS

Hi Dave -
I must say I love Fred. So earnest, and unafraid to admit how desperately he needs Carol. No wonder he comes unglued. Carol is a bit of an enigma. Can't say I 'get' her, but I do feel Fred is genuine.
This is one of my favorite kinds of stories. I think the middle aged man's psyche is a virtually untapped well of wisdom and warmth. Because he's not cool, we don't give him enough credit for cleverness.
Wonderful job here, Dave. Best of luck to you!
Vickie (Barely a Trace)

Thanks so much. I'm thrilled you like Fred. DN

A story full of witty charm!
The characters, especially Fred, are so well drawn. Fred is a character you can't help root for.
The pacing is perfect. Lots of humour, and inciteful observations.

I like this a lot.

Backed with pleasure
CalvinStephens

This is marvelous! One forms a bond of sorts with Fred almost immediately. Very nice writing!
I wish you the very best with this book. Backed. regards, Jedward (Knut)