Developing the Heart of a Leader

I found this book to be much more interesting than I thought. It is thought provoking and well written. Why does God allow poverty? How does one answer that? Backed!

Very nicely written, thought provoking read.

You have a unique style and intriguing premise.

Something that I enjoyed reading and am happy to shelve.

Backed

Melxx

A well written book with a powerful message interestingly presented. The messenger with his notes is an effective way to offer what amount to bullets, or recaps of the information presented. Your pitches need quite a bit of work though, as they don't show the promise or the interest of the book. The short pitch is almost a quibble. The difference between being a true leader and the ability to lead isn't a distinct enough one
to carry your point and it isn't strong enough, rhetorically. The first half of the long pitch is weak and has some trouble with grammar and constrution and the argument is muddled. The sentence beginning King rennan is more to the point, until the word 'whilst' when it becomes muddled again. Giving insight...to see, for instance is a redundancy. I suggest you rework your pich to reflect the clarity of your characters and their message, especially as clarity is one of the book's strong points.
I have this on my shelf.

The title of this book suggests it's going to be just another self-help book on how to be a leader. Instead, it's a book of good advice superimposed on top of an interesting fable. The quote in the beginning about asking God why he/she tolerates poverty is inspiring. I found your advice on leadership clear and easily applied to everyday situations. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is a very interesting and valuable book. Rather than giving us a book of instructions, you tell us a story, and show us how the tyrant ended up assassinated, but Selsen, who cared about his people and wanted to help them, learned by his initial mistakes and gradually became a successful leader, by allowing his people to become successful in the ways that were best for them. This is intriguing and absorbing, and it teaches a powerful lesson. You write well, your characters are as lively and believable as in any work of fiction, and you hold our attention throughout. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Hi Ashton!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

I was drawn into your imaginative story. You have several areas in chapter two where I stopped reading where the sentences ran together. You probably would do well in your editing to break the sentences down to smaller sizes. I enjoyed what I read. Good luck with your continued writing. Backed. I would appreciate you reading and commenting on December Gold.
--author of December Gold

Hi Ashton, Since governments, historical or fictional, have to use leadership techniques, this fable can illustrate. It’s amusing, reading the story and then seeing those ideas Selsan has found to help his governing. As instructional literature, I think this would definitely keep attention to the subject while emphasizing the principles. To improve it, you might add more dialogue. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Very nicely written, thought provoking read.

You have a unique style and intriguing premise.

Something that I enjoyed reading and am happy to shelve.

Backed

Melxx

Ashton -

I really enjoyed reading this, nice blend of the fictional storyline with bits of actual wisdom. Well-written, it captures some of the true essence of Christian leadership. After all, the true heart of a leader is service to others. BTW, ever read "The Travelers Gift" by Andy Andrews? It's an actual book, I think you may enjoy it.

Regards,

Gene Wilenius

I found this book to be much more interesting than I thought. It is thought provoking and well written. Why does God allow poverty? How does one answer that? Backed!

This is great feedback! Thanks so much. I like your suggestions - and I'll take the principles and apply them through the rest of the work also. It's always great to have another eye look over one's work.

Hi, Ashton! I hope you don't mind me returning the favor of helpful comments.

"Shorban's voice was strong, loud and clear." Can be deleted. You have an ! so this sentence isn't needed. Instead you could jump top, "Shorban's voice commanded veneration while the air was filled with antagonism." Something like that. Then, the shuffle of the crowd could be said like, "The crowd shuffled uncomfortable." Make sure you keep your verbs as active as possible. After I've written something, I go through and do a line by line edit and try to exchange every passive verb for an active verb if it's at all possible. You want to show the reader your story rather than tell them. This is key to keeping them hooked.

I'm out of time for now, but will take a closer look later. This is probably a book I will back.

Hi, Ashton! I hope you don't mind me returning the favor of helpful comments.

"Shorban's voice was strong, loud and clear." Can be deleted. You have an ! so this sentence isn't needed. Instead you could jump top, "Shorban's voice commanded veneration while the air was filled with antagonism." Something like that. Then, the shuffle of the crowd could be said like, "The crowd shuffled uncomfortable." Make sure you keep your verbs as active as possible. After I've written something, I go through and do a line by line edit and try to exchange every passive verb for an active verb if it's at all possible. You want to show the reader your story rather than tell them. This is key to keeping them hooked.

I'm out of time for now, but will take a closer look later. This is probably a book I will back.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read, comment and back! It is much appreciated.

I have redone both the short and the long pitch, based on your feedback. I don't expect you to be my personal coach - but of course it would be great if you could have a look at the pitch and tell me if you thought it is now better. I must admit that using few words is an art I am still trying to develop!

Kind regards

Ashton

A well written book with a powerful message interestingly presented. The messenger with his notes is an effective way to offer what amount to bullets, or recaps of the information presented. Your pitches need quite a bit of work though, as they don't show the promise or the interest of the book. The short pitch is almost a quibble. The difference between being a true leader and the ability to lead isn't a distinct enough one
to carry your point and it isn't strong enough, rhetorically. The first half of the long pitch is weak and has some trouble with grammar and constrution and the argument is muddled. The sentence beginning King rennan is more to the point, until the word 'whilst' when it becomes muddled again. Giving insight...to see, for instance is a redundancy. I suggest you rework your pich to reflect the clarity of your characters and their message, especially as clarity is one of the book's strong points.
I have this on my shelf.

A well written book with a powerful message interestingly presented. The messenger with his notes is an effective way to offer what amount to bullets, or recaps of the information presented. Your pitches need quite a bit of work though, as they don't show the promise or the interest of the book. The short pitch is almost a quibble. The difference between being a true leader and the ability to lead isn't a distinct enough one
to carry your point and it isn't strong enough, rhetorically. The first half of the long pitch is weak and has some trouble with grammar and constrution and the argument is muddled. The sentence beginning King rennan is more to the point, until the word 'whilst' when it becomes muddled again. Giving insight...to see, for instance is a redundancy. I suggest you rework your pich to reflect the clarity of your characters and their message, especially as clarity is one of the book's strong points.
I have this on my shelf.

The title of this book suggests it's going to be just another self-help book on how to be a leader. Instead, it's a book of good advice superimposed on top of an interesting fable. The quote in the beginning about asking God why he/she tolerates poverty is inspiring. I found your advice on leadership clear and easily applied to everyday situations. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Catherine

Thanks for this idea.

Unfortunately Authonomy doesn't allow upload of images. The idea is for these to appear in little blocks here and there - so they are then less "interruptive, and normally right next to the piece of the story that underlines the point.

I'm thinking of another book similar to this - part fiction and part non-fiction. It almost appeared as though it was two books, and the author actually separated it into two books. In this case, and I only wonder about this, would it be more effective to insert anchors/symbols that lead to end notes or explanations elsewhere? Just a thought. Important lessons deserve to be showcased.

Catherine (The Golden Thread)

Dear Ashton, Wonderful provocative thoughts!! God is God. May you write more Christian books for Him. God bless your anointing & telling the Truth. Choices. :) Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading & reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Please take a moment to back my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

I'm thinking of another book similar to this - part fiction and part non-fiction. It almost appeared as though it was two books, and the author actually separated it into two books. In this case, and I only wonder about this, would it be more effective to insert anchors/symbols that lead to end notes or explanations elsewhere? Just a thought. Important lessons deserve to be showcased.

Catherine (The Golden Thread)

This is a very interesting and valuable book. Rather than giving us a book of instructions, you tell us a story, and show us how the tyrant ended up assassinated, but Selsen, who cared about his people and wanted to help them, learned by his initial mistakes and gradually became a successful leader, by allowing his people to become successful in the ways that were best for them. This is intriguing and absorbing, and it teaches a powerful lesson. You write well, your characters are as lively and believable as in any work of fiction, and you hold our attention throughout. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.