Confessions of a Mafia Princess

Hi Nikki,

are you sure you were never a member of the Goonies? Loved the way you revived your childhood memories, I wish my mind could be as lucid.

Backed

Phil
Danny Murphy

Hi Nikki,
Just read over your book and you have a great start. I loved the look into the childhood of your MC. It was cute, funny and realistic. I LOVED it.

A friendly note: 86 the Jordin Sparks lyrics. It could get your book removed for copyright issues. I believe you can use no more than two lines of a song in your books legally. You're book is too good for that to happen. Another note, and this is just my opinion, I think you should remove the "This is my now" part to your title. It is much catchier without it. I think the last part of it would catch more readers since you can't see that part when browsing.

You have a great idea here and with a little editing it will surely climb quickly to the top.

Lots of Luck,
Jennie Lyne Hiott
Hearts and Lies

This is my now-Confessions of a Mafia Princess

OK, Nikki, Let me tell you how I normally proceed. If people ask me for a swap I first check them out. By coincidence I didn’t do that in your case. I just started reading the book, and didn’t even properly look at the pitches. Mafia Princess? I thought. This’ll be the usual rubbish no doubt.

How wrong was I? I started reading and suddenly noticed that I wasn’t thinking editorially. That stopped me momentarily because the opening subject matter is essentially banal: the remembered beginning years of the female MC and details about her family. Furthermore, I realised this halfway through chapter one. I had not downloaded any text, I was just reading from the screen. How had you done this?

Normally by now I would have spotted one or two errors. I had, of course, there are minor things you need to attend to, but I realised I had wanted to just read on. Why? Because your ‘voice’ is so good. Even as I type this I recall you being patronised for your height for example. I was well puzzled so I did check and found your profile description – a simple biography. Oh. Then I scan read much of what you have posted and found this:
“I started this as a way of dealing with my grief after Aunt Catherine and once that sadness lifted …I realized I needed to finish this to learn about why things happened, about why I got sick, about life, love and what happiness truly is.”

OK a biography. What’s my view? As it stands this is not publishable. The nonsense of modern publishing is simple to understand. If you were famous, no matter how boring your early life, it would sell. If you survived a monstrous childhood and found solace it might fit the Mis Lit somewhere. Your personal story is not particularly unusual. So the answer will always be no.

BUT. Very big BUT. This is easily some of the best writing on Authonomy. Your particular voice flows out so naturally that I just wanted to read it whatever it said. This is not something I would normally read so that statement is all the more unusual. I know this ‘character’ is you (and you MUST be a really nice person to know) but the thought struck me that it would be a shame to waste such a clear talent. Do you have a year to spare? If you were to come up with a good idea for a plot I genuinely believe you could write a novel that would sell. I’ve never said that before. Some of the high flying ‘women’s fiction’ on this site, including top books, are essentially of the competent women’s magazine type. I actually think with your abilities you could produce something much stronger. You would need that strong story idea, of course, but the writing would be no problem. You could even plunder your own text for useable bits. What do you think?

Maximum stars for star writing talent.

This has a lovely flow to it. In fact I was well into it before I realised I was reading an biography. It has the feel of light fiction, which makes is both very readable and entertaining. Lots of clever humour which isn’t over done so the reader never loses the balance the writer has almost effortlessly created.
Some of the comments spoke of errors and maybe I’m just very slow, but I really can’t see them. Or perhaps you have since edited?
Lots of stars from me for a very enjoyable read.
Janny

honest, funny, clever, original and skillful- a very good bio- l couldn't write a book like this; this is very good, very entertaining...keep going.
on my watchlist...
6 stars******
read SEASONS...

Cute story Nikki. I'll be back to read more! :)

Ellise
~The Governess~

It is obvious you have edited this to near perfection since I last read it last year! I am shelving it again - it's that good and ready for the desk!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Very witty and yet emotional. Your writing is fast and flowing. A captivating story.

Very witty and yet emotional. Your writing is fast and flowing. A captivating story.

Hi Nikki, Just read parts of your story. I thought that the first chapter was too jumpy, not quite enough to hook the reader but...I'm no quitter, so I carried on and I'm glad I did. I like your dry, slightly self deprecating sense of humour. It really brings your story to life. You're going on the watch list for now but I intend to come back for more. If you have time to take a look at Change of Circumstance, I would welcome any comments that you might like to make. Regards, Carl

Hi Nikki,

your retention is first class. I was hooked from the get-go.

Shelved.

I just came across your book, and I am DEF interested in reading it. It seems may have some things in common as far as how we perceive life. I look forward to reading your work. I also love the cover! It's funny that we both have similar pictures. I think I am liking yours more. Ha! I will comment as soon as I get to read your book. It is now on my wl.
Good Luck!
Dayna

This is a very interesting book & an even better read. You regale us with entertaining stories about Nicole and her cousins, Nick, Max and David, which are as funny aa they are enjoyable. The piece where David rescued Nicole from the Hot Guy, by pretending to be her boyfriend, irritating her, is another funny moment.
You have a very vivid style, which is captured me in an instant. It illustrates your point with style and a real swagger. There is some grit in your work that forces the reader to want to continue.The writing is polished and flamboyant, the dialogue is right on the button and the characters resonate with reality.
Some great descriptions used as well. You write with an easy pace , relateable style, and your characterisation, especially the first person narrator Nicole, come to life with a burning fervour. Backed & starred with great pleasure.

It's not very often that a biography is both interesting and entertaining. You write in an easy, conversational tone that is very much of today. There a lot of errors, especially in the later chapters, both in the dialogue and in the narrative, so you need to do the best you can to clean these up before you submit to agents or publishers.
I loved the humour: an example early on, the casual, not very precise but explanatory, 'Non Verbal, Dyslexia, ADD and a slight case of ADHD,' or 'Learning Disabled, Blind as a Bat and Ditzy.'
Other things: To use the song at the start, you will need explicit permission from the copryright owners.
Well done, to be backed, Marj.
PS And organise a new book-cover. It is important that you have a unique book-cover, even if it's no more than a photo.

Nikki,
This is definitely an engaging read. You have a conversational tone here that really draws the reader in. For me...memoirs are a tricky thing. I think that they should rise above the relaying of the day-to-day experiences and touch on some greater purpose. Everyone had an interesting childhood, and yours is no exception. But from a publishing standpoint, I think it has to have some type of angle. I only read a couple of chapters so I didn't get to the part that deals with your illness but I imagine that's an important component of your story and maybe would be the "angle" I'm looking for. That being said, I really enjoyed what I read and was interested. If anything, you have a talent for pointing out details and for giving a perspective to what you experienced. Well done, really liked this.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

I read half of your first chapter. I stopped because of so many edit problems. These are easily corrected, but they totally distracted me.

General comments: Engaging start to what appears to be a captivating story. Interesting main character. Good tension. Good pacing. Needs to be heavily edited for punctuation.

Specific comments on first half of chapter one:
1) 'father's day' shoulf be 'Father's Day.'
2) 'Winchester is 20 minutes outside of Boston.' Spell out all numbers 1-99. There are more cases of this type of problem.
3) ' ... hitting the gas instread of the break.' 'Break' should be 'brake.'
4) Capitalize 'dominos.'
5) 'The carnies that run the fair ...' 'That' should be 'who.'
6) ' ... sitting on the floor at my great aunts house.' Aunts (plural) should be aunts' (plural possessive). There are more cases of this type of problem.
7) "Come on Indy, let's go see what's over the fence," I said. Comma after 'on.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.
8) " ... the butt kicking of a lifetime, no forget it." Nick said adamantly. Comma after 'it.' 'Nick said' is a dialogue tag (tell who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation). There are more cases of dialogue sentences punctuated with a period when a comma is appropriate.
9) "Poor baby will just have to eat last night's cold pizza" I mocked him. Comma after 'pizza.' There are more cases of missing commas.
10) Matt came bounding up from the porch Period after 'porch.' There are more cases of missing periods.

I hope these suggestions will help you polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest. I'd be happy to reread your first chapter after you edit it.

I hope you have a very happy new year.

Al

Overall I enjoyed the book. Well done. I'll be interested to read it when it's officially complete.

Nikki,

I like the memoir format very much. What you have here is a lot of fabulous conversations and situations, with characters whose personalities come shining though. My only niggles are that at first you engage in a little too much telling and not enough showing, and more generally the prose needs some tightening up.

Overall, job well done. Rated. -cc

Hi Nikki,
I'm sorry it's taken awhile to get to your book, but I'm really glad to be here. You've got a distinct style and your first person narrative is just perfect for your YA audience. In the first chapter, the relationships between the kids was so great - it made me smile. I love your little touches "noogies and Indian burns," and the anecdotes that rang so real to me. I could see myself laughing at David with his head caught in the car window, too. Kids are all alike, right? There's a nice contemporary feel, too, as you mention baseball and celebs, and Nestle. What you do is bond your readers to the itme and place, and then the dialogue binds us to your characters. This, to me, is YA done right. It's intelligent, well-written, and it ROCKS. Not easy to find that in YA. I like you and your friends and family much more than vampires and zombies. :) This deserves high stars.
xo
Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

Nikki, funny, fast and flowing. Childhood recollections are always a good read. I really admire how much you still remember. Starred Hannah

Nikki, a very enjoyable read, excellent dialogue and picturesque writing.
I like your style and the voice comes over very strongly.
Very interesting reading and to learn of your past is an extra.
All this needs is a good cover to do it justice.
Pleased to rate your book. RATED.

Kind regards,

Neville THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - SERIES.

Dear Nikki, I must say! That I was totally taken aback by your honest, funny, emotional account of your family life. Its was like a roller coaster of poignant, magical moments, that will stay in the memory of the reader, well after they've finished the book. You write with a simplicity and a directness, that demands, that the reader turn the next page. To find out what happens next. I can relate to a lot of your childhood. I grew up in a big, close family, [ My Father was one of twenty two. I was one of nine. And now I have nine boys myself ]. This is a book, that will have you laughing, crying and even though we all know the pitfalls of a passionate family. There's no place quite like home. Good luck Nikki, you deserve it. And thank you foe everything. I hope we speak again. Its been a pleasure knowing you, [ I feel like I do, after reading your book ]. Take care. Carl, [ Cicuta, Arcane ].

Well, the first thing that grabbed me was the voice, next came the flow. Both are well done and establish the narrator’s talent for wordsmithing.
Just a little heavy in the beginning (I thought) but them I got to your dialogue and its crispness further impressed me. One remark: you start with dialogue then introduce the speaker…thy the other way, ID the speaker and follow with dialogue. Also, the “said” (which is supposed to be neutral, can get out of hand. Why not ID the speaker by “showing” action…Like:
I looked into Nick’s eyes, “all right, but promise you won’t drop me.”
He smiled, “scout’s honor.”
Also, especially in a two way discussion, you don’t need to ID the speaker in every line.
Personally, I like the second chapter even more. Still, would suggest to cut some of the “telling” and mix in some “showing.” It would greatly increase reader’s awareness.
A little editing will make this story sparkle.
I did enjoyed the read and I’m backing it.
Good luck.
Dan

Faultless Pitch, great premise, great narrative, love the voice. Backed.

Dear Nikki
absolutely fabulous, funny, just could not put it down and well worth the read...i have commented and backed your book, however cannot find the backing so will do it again, because it is WORTH IT
if you have already backed my book thank you so much, if not would you find the time, if not that is OK also
the VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

Nikki

Having read Chapter 1 and a bit of Chapter 2, I can see that your reminiscences about your early life are quite well described. I also notice that you have picked up several favourable comments. However this is not really my sort of thing - I'd like more of a story.

Jim H

I found myself with a smile on my face reading this. Witty and fast moving - you kept me involved with the story. Some editing still needed, but then we all have that problem and I'm sure you have it in hand. This has real promise and I wish you every success. Backed with pleasure, Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

Nikki is likable. You flesh her out well. Your descriptions are effective. For example, your description of your great aunt's house. Your dialogue reads real and deepens your story. Your wit is spot on. Your pacing held my attention.

Nits:
1) Capitalize 'father's day.'
2) Capitalize 'dominoes.'
3) 'The carnies that run the fair ...' 'That' should be 'who.'
4) '... sitting on the floor at my great aunts house.' Aunts (plural) should be aunt's (possessive).

This is a capitivating coming of age story. Backed.

Giving the songwriters credit is not enough. You need to provide the copyright holder, and that is usually the publishing company.

I think your dialogue is good, the narrative not as good. If something could be "too" conversational, then this is it. I found myself rereading lots of paragraphs. I think there was too much going on for one chapter. And I am not quite sure that the title, ending as it does in the word "now," is understandable.

Good luck with it.
Mike

It's a quick-paced, fun adventure. The narrative reminds me of Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. I backed it.

Very intriguing story!

And beautifully crafted.

Backed with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

The conversational tone makes this an easy read and the reader gallops through the pages. I dont think I would like to have the immune system problem, not my idea of fun. Yet, you still manage to infuse a quite desperate situation with wry humour. We do not feel pity but admire the strength. You have a lot of sentences that end without a full stop, howver, especially in chapter 10.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

I think this will be a treasure for your children and grand-children, but you might need to add footnotes for what is current slang, but will not stand the test of time. If it doesn't get accepted by a publisher, then you should self-publish just for them. Your tone is easy and conversational.
* There are a lot of typos and minor errors, and I'm not planning on detailing them. It is up to you to get the manuscript into as presentable order as possible before showing it to an agent or publisher. One particular thing, you must know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' It is easy. If you can replace the word with 'you are,' then the spelling is 'you're.'
* Also, if you use poems or quotes from other writers, they either have to be out of copyright, or you have to have permission. Otherwise, you simply cannot use them.
If I were you, I'd check the requirements for 'Harper True Life.' It may fit into that slot. I wish you luck with your story. Marj.

This is an amazing story! great read! I've added you to my watchlist so I can come back and comment when i've finished reading it. Good luck!

Melissa Nielsen
The Guardian and the Book of Souls

You have a well written story but watch the use of words like, (just, like,) There were others but I can't remember what they were at the moment. Mind fatigue, been a long day at work. You pepper your work with them. They should be used sparingly if at all.
I like the names, I wonder why?
Nick, actually it's Nicky but I go by Nick.
Invasion From Within.

Stylish, nice dialogue and very interesting!
Backed. Good Luck!!
Frank.
You may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

In what way is your 'autobiography' different from others? How can you remember conversations in such detail? For non-fiction, this doesn't really come across as such and one wonders why you have bothered to include such detailed minutiae at all! I'm sure there is a point to all of this but I just don't get it...sorry!
Stewart

You write well...your style makes certain that the story stands front and center and the story deserves that...it's so damn entertaining

Nikki, I randomly selected chapter 10. "Life can truly bite you in the ass." Amusing sentence. And your tone is amusing at times, although your experiences, being ill and going to hospital, were definitely not amusing. I felt sorry for you. This is good writing and I think lots of poeple will be interested in reading it. You need to proof read this chapter as some punctuation and words are missing. I think you'll notice when you read through it again. Other than that I think this is professional writing. All the best with it. "This is my now-Confessions of a Mafia Princess" is welcome on my shelf. Tim (Vitality)

I know how dificult it is to write about your early years as I have just finished my memoires. Well done so I am backing this for not only the story but by the way it is written.
Take a look at mine, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story, my first novel. It is in need of some help so anything will be appreciated. JohnJ

Like your style. Great humor and entertaining.
CC Brown

Like your style. Great humor and entertaining.
CC Brown

Nikki,

Great job. YAs will be sure to love this.


Laurie - Into The Master's Lair

Hi Nikki,

Thoroughly enjoyed `This is my now-Confessions of a Mafia Princess` it`s well written, easy to read and fun. Backed with pleasure.

Good luck,
Cerys (Bradan)

Quick-fire stuff, and some of it very good and very interesting, but lots of editing still to do.

A tiny sample, to help the process on:
hitting the gas instead of the break (brake)
the big events that happen (event that happens) round here is the Enka Fair
I guess you're (your) spidey ...
to the promise (promised) land
sat me down and try (tried) to convince me
with a person has (who has) very little
and whom probably rather ... (and who would probably rather ??)
All best wishes ... you have a boring (= editing) time ahead of you Nikki - I hope you get through it.
RT

No comment.
BK

Solid writing. Good voice, POV, and style. Quirky, humorous, and entertaining. Brings the reader right into your world. Beware of: use of like, it, tags, repetitiveness (said, like), brand names, punctuation (periods are missing and some commas) ly words (emphasize but don't add anything but to the word count). Describe why/how the overalls saved your knees - is the fabric thick? Describe the inside jokes to the reader: dead-legged me? I have no idea what that is. Explain a little more, edit some more, and you'll have a great piece.

Thank you, Dawn
Blood War

Hi Nikki -- an enjoyable read -- fun. Needs the loving touch of an editor, and perhaps the cutting of one or two "likes" but overall, well done. You have a distinct voice, share adventures in which we can all relate. Is this your first book? I wonder, because autobiography is a common first choice.

I've read the first three chapters, will back the book, and as time permits will read on. Thank you for inviting me here. Lynda This Bird Flew Away

Nikki,

This is great. It's like being back in 80's for real. dialogue is quick-paced and I love how you've worked your characters. Nice work. backed.

I love the writing style, especially how you present the dialogue in an easy to follow format. Good book, and well. done.

Dear Nikki, I love that you shared your life - I have, too, in my memoir. :) Your pitch, poems & introduction are excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.