The Munroe Mansion - The Beginning

paper bat, jerry evans
owen quinn
celtic writer – james r goddard
Cherokee knight – nick fraysher
KW – Kenneth Wayne
Susie Gulick

i made a thank you tribute video to each of these authors who left a comment here I also featured your novels too.
http://lindarandall.wordpress.com/2011/01/12/authonomy-the-munroe-mansion-the-beginning-comments-1-linda-randall/

You have written a very interesting and unique historical storyline, which I do like, and extremely character rich. Your use of imagery is excellent. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your adventure thriller a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

the munroe mansion the beginning is a final manuscript ready to go to a literary agent with 68 292 word count. the rough draft is posted here on authonomy. The final story is different , more exciting :)

sept 4 2010 - I updated and made a new pitch and added the new manuscript for chapter one.

Sept 3 2010 - finished final draft for the Munroe Mansion - the story has changed, I am going to keep the rough draft up on here and send the finals in a query for agents. That way you'll have a NEW story to read when the novels come out. All TEN novels for the Munroe Series are written (8 have rough drafts) , next I'm editing Novel 2 - The SS America.

Morning Linda.
I have spent this Bank Holiday morning reading some of your book! Am only on ch.10, but the story is moving fast, and your characterisation is good, so the relationship between Anthony and Joseph is developing nicely.
I thought that some of the textual style might be a bit advanced for the young adult teenage market - but only my view.
Enjoyable. BACKED.
Iwould appreciate if you could reciprocate and read a bit of my childrens' book called Adventures of the Paperbats. Feedback always welcome.
All the best.
Jerry [paperbat]

A cracking pitch thaat really evokes solid images of your story even before we have looked at the first page. this is competently written with plenty of imagery that successfully adds to the atmosphere of the story, creepy, clever, engaging,

I probably can't add much to what's been said already...lots of promise in storyline but marred by numerous errors in syntax and other language features...I wish you the best of luck anyway
Cheers
Stewart

I have no idea what this means can someone explain?

marred by numerous errors in syntax and other language features

http://themunroeseries.wordpress.com/2010/07/26/1947-historical-facts-the-munroe-series-90s-music-linda-randall/

canada, united states and Uk.. my research put into a video for the next book in the munroe series that I'm writing :)

Unique, I was pulled in by your primise and was not disappointed. C W

I probably can't add much to what's been said already...lots of promise in storyline but marred by numerous errors in syntax and other language features...I wish you the best of luck anyway
Cheers
Stewart

i changed my pitch.. hope it sounds better :)

Great period storytelling. Good dialogue and a well described world. I wish you success! Backed

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Linda Randall:

You are quite prolific. the Munroe Mansion promises to be a page turner but needs some polishing. What you will end up with is a tighter script - and page turner. Good luck with this. Shelved.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

Hi Linda. Love period tales. Not a critic here, just a mere scriptwriter jumping into the novel scene for the first time. I can appreciate a good work which flows, though, and yours captures attention. I disagree with the below comment - I don't that in book writing there can be too much telling. Let the reader explore the world through your own eyes and come away with their own visualize. Showing - is what a scriptwriter brings to the table. I like your stuff.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Good evening Linda. You have a very fine storyline and some fine writing, but, oh that dreaded but, I feel you do too much telling and not enough showing. For the most part you are telling the story. It would be better if the sentences were more active drawing a memorable picture in the readers mind. None the less it is a good read and I will add it to my shelf.
Nick
Invasion From Within
P.S. Thanks for backing my yarn. Much appreciated.

"She stirs my appetite with her beauty" is a rather lewd line. It sounds as though the virgin slayer is once again on the prowl. Your writing is swift with just the right amount of description to create a clear picture in the mind of the reader. I'll be back to read more once I get a little more time. Backed for now.

The munroe mansion
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

I've changed the book covers but they haven't shown up yet.. made them using power point :)

The Munroe Mansion has been updated I removed the explicit sex scenes from chapters 13 to 16 and 21. I think I got all of them and I've made the book universal so that thirteen year olds can read it now. I changed the genre from romance to fiction because there is just a tiny bit of romance and its more adventure action in the story line.
If you find anything that is questionable please drop me a line thanks!

Dear Linda, This is your 2nd book I'm backing :) - wonderful love story - I love when that happens & everyone is happy. :) Could you take a moment to back my 2 memoir books - the 2nd books is my completed unedited version. Thanks. Love, Susie :)

Great promise here and I will return to read more in the future. Good luck. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

I've changed my mini synopsis and genre to young adult (edgy) after being told by some agents that it is considered young adult - I'm sending out queries this week looking for a literary agent :)

i've changes my 25 word pitch.. hows that?

I liked the simple flow of things. I don't normally read this type of book but it kept my interest with the almost immediate conflict between Uncle/Neices. I look forward to reading on and I back with utmost interest.

Sue Robins

thanks for backing my book, glad you like my conflicts.

I liked the simple flow of things. I don't normally read this type of book but it kept my interest with the almost immediate conflict between Uncle/Neices. I look forward to reading on and I back with utmost interest.

Sue Robins

Loved it, backed with pleasure, E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

thanks 4 backing the book i'll take a look at urs

Loved it, backed with pleasure, E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

A good, old fashioned historical romance with darker nuances to add depth and sparkle. Do check through for consistency in your use of tenses, You occasionally swap from past to present and back again in a single paragraph. If you get some one to read this aloud to you, you will easily spot where a quick tidy up is needed. Otherwise, a good coffee time piece of entertainmant. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

i keep forgetting if I send message only you can read it, if I hit reply then it reposts q/a on here, which I like the best.

My biggest problem is always talking in past tense. I have learned to be present (it's been two years of practice with blogs, and novel writing) but I still haven't mastered the proper way to say or explain a sentence.
I have comprehension problems and I've always had trouble expressing myself, so do I have to have it ALL in present tense, or am I allowed the odd past tense if it "sounds" correct.

I like to use past tense when a character is referring to something in their past, or if it sounds good?

Some books I've read have past tense, and they are best sellers.

Or is it because I have both past and present in one paragraph that is my NO no... so to speak?

Virgin slayer, new one on me, but what a great insight and great character build.
I think how you have created the relationship between Joseph and Anthony is phenomenal and so realistic. This is a very well written book and a great story. – Good luck

I read in Chris Baty's book that you need a good hook line, so the Virgin Slayer popped into my head and made me laugh. I figured it would create a lot of mystery around Joseph Munroe and the characters in the book because they keep hearing this "nick name" for him but don't know to why he is called that.

As the novels progress, clues are given in each book about what Joseph has done in his past to be called the "virgin slayer"

Virgin slayer, new one on me, but what a great insight and great character build.
I think how you have created the relationship between Joseph and Anthony is phenomenal and so realistic. This is a very well written book and a great story. – Good luck

A good, old fashioned historical romance with darker nuances to add depth and sparkle. Do check through for consistency in your use of tenses, You occasionally swap from past to present and back again in a single paragraph. If you get some one to read this aloud to you, you will easily spot where a quick tidy up is needed. Otherwise, a good coffee time piece of entertainmant. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Hi Linda
I think you've set the plot up well. Your desciption of the mansion is clear and you introduce the characters well with a good mix of prose and dialogue. I love the way Joseph and Anthony communicate -you've enabled the reader to understand their relationship and look forward to how things develop.
Backed
DP Walker
Five Dares

thanks for backing the munroe mansion. I just finished uploading book two of the munroe series it's called the SS America - the story continues with the second generation of munroes returning to place royale and creating more havoc there. :)

Hi Linda
I think you've set the plot up well. Your desciption of the mansion is clear and you introduce the characters well with a good mix of prose and dialogue. I love the way Joseph and Anthony communicate -you've enabled the reader to understand their relationship and look forward to how things develop.
Backed
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is a good story. I like novels that are set in one location like a single house; it gives a book an ominous tone because danger is captive and close at hand. You have good characters; different from the norm because they’re wealthy rather than struggling. I also like your writing style. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

thanks burgio for backing the book. as the munroe series progresses so do its dangers and more characters are added and the danger expands its web.

Linda. I do like your long pitch. But I think you can edit your short pitch. Just seems to generic. You may wanna be more specific to capture that casual reader's eye. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is a good story. I like novels that are set in one location like a single house; it gives a book an ominous tone because danger is captive and close at hand. You have good characters; different from the norm because they’re wealthy rather than struggling. I also like your writing style. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Parlor games, bedroom violence, snobbery for its own sake. Just another day for the landed gentry. Backed yesterday. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

thanks 4 backing my book, I think I left you a comment elsewhere but it didn't post here..

I don't read a lot of romance or historical novels, but this really stood out. I like how your plot moved along. By the first chapter, I understood the characters. By the third chapter, I saw the main struggle and conflicts taking shape. And I found myself wondering what Joseph's intentions were with Ophirah and whether should could overlook his past playboy transgressions.

There is some room for improvement. Here are my suggestions.

Fix incomplete sentence: “Viktor Stalin, the butler, looked up at the Munroe Mansion (and) it looked sinister and neglected.”

Be careful about changing point of view without placing a dividing mark or starting a new chapter. You shift from the butler to Joseph. Just put a **** in between the POV change. Then you go to the red head’s POV. Again, you should make a divider or just stick with one POV. When you change all the time, the reader doesn’t get too close to the characters.

In chapter 2, there’s no need to use “you” in the narrative to directly address the reader as you describe the grocery store. It’s generally not a good idea to talk to the reader unless the story is a diary or a conversation. Instead, say this is how customers experienced it. You can describe some customers as well.

Missing comma: “Anthony got in and sat on the comfortable seat, (which he commentated on the luxury of.)”

New sentence: “Actually(,) I borrowed it from Jean Moisan(.) (There) was an extra one in his barn.”

The following sentence includes “look” twice. Substitute one for another word to avoid repetition: “Joseph looked at the menacing look in his friend’s eyes.”

I enjoyed this, so I backed it. Well done.

Brian
Mute

thanks 4 backing my book and for the advice.. I've noted in in my one note and I'll get to it.

I've never heard of a POV ***** thing before

I saw those on other peoples book but had no idea what it means? :)
thanks for teaching me something new!

I don't read a lot of romance or historical novels, but this really stood out. I like how your plot moved along. By the first chapter, I understood the characters. By the third chapter, I saw the main struggle and conflicts taking shape. And I found myself wondering what Joseph's intentions were with Ophirah and whether should could overlook his past playboy transgressions.

There is some room for improvement. Here are my suggestions.

Fix incomplete sentence: “Viktor Stalin, the butler, looked up at the Munroe Mansion (and) it looked sinister and neglected.”

Be careful about changing point of view without placing a dividing mark or starting a new chapter. You shift from the butler to Joseph. Just put a **** in between the POV change. Then you go to the red head’s POV. Again, you should make a divider or just stick with one POV. When you change all the time, the reader doesn’t get too close to the characters.

In chapter 2, there’s no need to use “you” in the narrative to directly address the reader as you describe the grocery store. It’s generally not a good idea to talk to the reader unless the story is a diary or a conversation. Instead, say this is how customers experienced it. You can describe some customers as well.

Missing comma: “Anthony got in and sat on the comfortable seat, (which he commentated on the luxury of.)”

New sentence: “Actually(,) I borrowed it from Jean Moisan(.) (There) was an extra one in his barn.”

The following sentence includes “look” twice. Substitute one for another word to avoid repetition: “Joseph looked at the menacing look in his friend’s eyes.”

I enjoyed this, so I backed it. Well done.

Brian
Mute

Parlor games, bedroom violence, snobbery for its own sake. Just another day for the landed gentry. Backed yesterday. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)